getting through the "roommate" phase

We’re back with part two of answering your questions about being a family of five! In this episode, we hit on just about everything under the sun from Intimacy and being in a “roommate phase” to Bear’s blue eyes and jealousy with the kids. We love doing Q&A episodes so be sure to follow us on Instagram so you can send in a question for the next one!
Love you guys!
Shawn and Andrew
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[@karasaylor8060]

As a mama of 4 I’ll say this for room mate phase. Force yourself to flirt throughout the day to day grind until it is just a normal everyday habit. Give a hug from behind as your spouse washes bottles at the sink. You’re walking by each other during the day, run your hand across their back. Do not leave the house without an extended hug and a kiss. Make yourselves at first, eventually you’ll do it without thinking, if you are consistent.

[@naturalPaths]

Hugs from behind .. whenever.. Very special!

[@michelewalkerwebb]

Kids see this and they learn how to show love. When my daughter went to high school all her friends had one parent. She said she had two. 'They're always hugging & kissing' One week she had different friends coming & going. "Aren't you popular." I said. ' No, my friends didn't believe that you guys were together & kissed. They had to see.' 😮

[@shoshanaeri8035]

Shawn you look so glowy and beautiful, and of course you may feel different on the inside, but at least on the outside you look really content and happy where you are in life, so glad for you!!!

[@katherinebritt5672]

I had three 2 and under. They are now 30,31&32 and I promise the season you are going through now will not last forever, but the joy you will have with your kids and just between the two of you will last forver

[@K-tl7ym]

The roommate phase is real. Push through, it’s so beautiful on the other side. You two are doing so well. ♥️

[@BonnyScotland17]

We have 2 kids spread 5.5 yrs apart (unintentionally). I came within a hair's width of death after giving birth to our 1st. It took me a long time to recover. It was so traumatic for my husband and me that we wanted to wait. We wanted a 2nd, but they don't always come when you plan them to. It took 6 months to get pregnant w/ our 2nd most likely from complications from the 1st. Thankfully we've been blessed w/ a healthy daughter and son so we were happy to be a family of four. After our 2nd, I had post partum depression which was misdiagnosed. My pregnancies were uneventful, but post preg was rough both times. I must say it was SO much easier that our daughter was 5 yrs older bc she understood what was going on and she was a big helper (she's always been very maternal). When our son got older the kids were more able to play together and they just got closer the older they've gotten. 😊

[@lg7429]

Thank you for continuing to share your journey even in the 'not so jolly phases' of life. Very relatable and exactly what is needed to normalize so many of the things people struggle with. 🙏🏻❤️

[@janellmichael2166]

I feel like the key is to enjoy the season you are in. It goes by so fast. It's time you'll never get back, so please take the time to be present with your kids. You'll never regret it. Blessings, Janell

[@kathycurryparpart1635]

It takes conscious thoughts & effort to maintain your relationship as friends, husband/wife all throughout raising kids, not just as little kids. Thus the reason for doing so. One day you'll be empty-nesters & the last thing you want is to stare at each other & wonder "who" you are. . . For every add'l child you have it takes more time from you as a couple. IF you & Andrew think about it i think you'd find that you're receiving a message that your family "limit" is at capacity. Kids are the greatest gift BUT the couple is first & most important because they are the foundation.

[@devynmoore3]

I have been a long time watcher and never really a commenter, but I just have to say, the way you all talk about your children is beautiful and resonates so hard. As a mother of a very curious and emotionally in-tune 3.5 year old, thank you for the reminder to slow down and teach. In the day to days, I feel like we can take the time with these babies for granted. Thank you all for this and for the reminders, parent to parent.

[@bonnie3329]

How exciting for both of you, but so good that counseling is important to all phases of this journey. So glad you give credit to faith and to be surrounded by family. All these phases go so fast and find these moments of stopping and embrace all hugs of life.

[@darcyross2555]

The smile that appears on Andrew’s face at 39:30 as Shawn talks about Jett is just…. 🫠😍

[@briannabelliconish2828]

Unrelated to this episode (just started it), I wanted to say thank you for having this! I had a really bad day today and really needed to get my mind off of things. I follow a lot of people/channels on KZbin but I said in my head "I really need a couple things podcast to keep me interested and get my mind off of things." So I'm sure this podcast will be good, so thank you for the content, and also thank you for having this for us!

[@Jody-LeeMcClelland]

Awe Shawn looks so tired. It’s definitely hard work being a mama. She’s such a inspiration

[@jopho2o]

Ahhh I cannot wait! 👀💕 Y’all are amazing and really helping us newbie parents feel less alone and lost… LOL 🎉

[@Julia-uw7fp]

First want to say congratulations on your new baby! I’m currently pregnant with baby #4 and I feel like we went through the roommate phase after our second. We were a young military family and didn’t have any family around, with our first it was fine she slept in her own room and we still went on dates just brought her along, but after our second it was harder to go out and he was so busy and gone so much with work it’s kind of a blur like we would just constantly be in passing and never have any quality time. With our third, we finally were near family, and although he was gone a lot, we made the most of the time he was home. Movie nights were common, just being in bed at the same time to talk and connect was good for us. We also made a point to go on regular dates as much as possible. Bowling with my siblings, going to the movies, dinner at new places, we love our kids but so looked forward to that “us time” and I think that’s really important!

[@pascalefortmann572]

Thank you for your service and know how amazing you are. 4 kiddos, keeping up romance and navigating jobs.❤

[@zitolover]

Love Andrew holding Shawn's hand.........

[@keepitsimple318]

thank you for providing this helpful chat. I'm learning to navigate these topics/challenges as a first time mom and so great that you also discuss the changing dynamic of husband/wife vs dad/mom. so so helpful!!

[@gilashroot8697]

Enjoy your journey. Congratulations.

[@elainehardy3502]

You guys might not think so but you're killing it. You're both great parents. You guys love and respect each other. One day you'll look back and say we miss our kids being litle and the baby stage.

[@laurennbailey1]

I always say the first year is tough, on you, your relationship and adjusting to the change.

[@ashleywinter8024]

Baby # 3 definitely rocked me 😅 that being said, I’m expecting number 4 in August. Everyone I know with more said bringing home number 3 was the most challenging season. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[@dianabeauchesne6121]

You guys are amazing and your kids will grow up feeling your love and commitment to them. Enjoy your time with them now while they bed you most. It goes by so fast and they grow up and want to do their own things. Once you get to that point you’ll be wondering how it went by so fast and want more time. ❤

[@alliejwk1829]

This mirrors my current life. I appreciate the ideas to help change being stuck in a rut 🙂

[@kathryncraigandthings7237]

Maybe the reason Shawn isn’t as motivated for work on top of the kids is she knows this is her last baby and is soaking it all in. ❤. You got this Mama. ❤

[@EMT0804]

You all are doing an amazing job of putting God first and loving each other and your family so deeply and well!

[@allisonfinneganchen6229]

love you guys!

[@janellegrieco6077]

You have everything that you need to be the best parents to your children! It’s not about the quantity of time it’s about the quality of time! Think back when you were a kid and there’s something that your parent or parents did that was super special and I can guarantee you. It wasn’t the trip that you went on or anything like that it was playing a game or going on a bike ride or going out to ice cream cone with your mom one day just you and none of your siblings came! I have four girls and tell you what I wouldn’t change anything about each of them. Yes everyone has their challenges and there’s different times in your life that may be more challenging than others, but don’t be too hard on yourself. Give yourself grace!!!! The best thing that you can ever give your children is two parents that really love each other! Remember it was U2 when you didn’t have kids and it’s U2 when your children have all grown up and left the house so remember it’s all about your relationship with one another and everything else will fall into place!!!!

[@juliebrumbaugh8698]

I had 3 boys in 5 years. Best pay off. They are close but, not too close. Love your shirt Shawn. I cried. My mom just passed away and that was our first concert together when I was in 6th grade. I’m an only child like you.❤

[@grannynoraswihart8565]

I had 3 in 4 years. It was overwhelming but them growing up was incredible. They are 38, 40, and 42.

[@mReb-uy6jn]

You are still in the very early stages of parenting.. Many phases to come... mine are 24, 23, and 21 including middle with special needs (Down syndrome, that added both good and hard challenges to the ride) each stage had pluses and minuses for sure but definately more good across the board for all of them. 3 in HS at same time was fun! Focus on the good. Buckle up and enjoy the ride! like everyone says ...it goes fast.

[@maryellenolson1894]

You both look exhausted. With all your successes, it’s really ok to step back for a bit from your businesses. Find the one or two business ventures that being you joy and let the rest go. Then take the extra time to just focus on your family. You’re great parents so take the pressure off of having to be at the top on the top all the time. You have a beautiful family. The best thing you can do for your kids is to focus on loving each other and find the playful again. That will take you out of being roommates.

[@sheilacaine]

❤❤❤❤❤ God Bless your family. I love your able to be so open to the world.

[@kelsey7411]

You don’t sound horrible. I wanted to “get it over with” as well. We have 4 kids and my last was born when I was 28. I was glad to have them when I was younger. :)

[@brennathiessen5600]

Who else agrees that Shawn and Andrew's voices & behavior is so soothing and calming? 👇

[@RCGWho]

"I don't really care about work"!!!! So good.

[@sophiaamarillo7141]

Praying for you guys!!

[@marycontryman5496]

This may sound strange while your children are so young, but please make sure you are available when your children are preteens and teenagers. As a former teacher and now a great grandmother, I feel those years are equally important as the years when they are learning to walk and talk. In many ways they are developing just like toddlers. Those teens are more vulnerable than toddlers. Granted, teens are harder to parent. If you think the teen years are a long way off, it goes by in a blink.

[@juliemineau9880]

The kiddos only home and little a short time, then un school and have friends, shawn embrace those babies

[@chelpop3]

I like how Shawn balances her phone on her knee lol

[@anovemberstar]

She is the Queen of balance, after all 😆

[@IceSprinkles]

Where is the link for when you are coming to Salt Lake City?? ❤️ I coach gymnastics because of Shawn (I’ve been coaching now for 8 years!) and you are coming to my hometown ON MY EXACT BIRTHDAY May 10th!!! I want to buy tickets please!! 🙏

[@dawnbishop1261]

We had two who got to grow up together and be besties….our third came along much later. He is well loved by us all but he grew up basically as an only child. Having them all close is ideal ❤

[@estherthomas8872]

Our older 2 are 2 years apart and our third was a surprise born 7 years after our first, she's now 1. Do you recommend having a 4th 2-3 years after our 3rd for the sibling companionship?

[@dawnbishop1261]

@@estherthomas8872 if that’s on your heart, absolutely. We were much older by then so that wasn’t possible. That being said, our youngest thrived because of the family unit. No wrong choice here. ❤️

[@samanthaflynn6140]

Shawn it doesn't make you sound bad at all!!! We get it!

[@ashleydvorak8207]

Drew sounds very similar to my daughter as far as having/wanting to understand things. I find myself needing to slow down often, too! Patience is my own worst enemy :)

[@janellanderson3935]

3 kids is the most stressful! There has been many studies on why. I have 5 kids and my first 3 were 3 under 3. Yeah it was stressful. So many people have 1 more to have 4.

[@sharisiragusa8271]

You Must optimize parenting and your relationship as a couple.... and yes steping back from work obligations is a necessity because their are only so many hours in a day....your family as well as self should be top priority and the other things will fall into place....

[@loriparker7443]

There is no workbook for parents - no need to stress about being perfect parents - just love your kids and be there for them and they will grow up just fine. Don’t be so hard on yourselves - I’m sure you are wonderful parents. Take it one day at a time. Also kids don’t need to be over scheduled with activités - it’s tough on the kids and the driving back/forth to activities is tough on the parents. My girls are now 18 & 20 years old.

[@pressleydeb1922]

Hey yall. Love from Knoxville

[@karenmatson6293]

1,2,3 Magic is the best!

[@momimperfect9700]

Andrew, I agree it IS easier to have larger age gaps. When I had baby number 3, the older kids were 2 and 4. Complete chaos! Now just had baby number 4, older kids are 3, 6, and 8. They can do a lot for themselves and can be helpful. Way easier.

[@jaycourtsingleton8755]

My husband and I both have brown eyes and our 3 oldest boys all have brown eyes. Our youngest boy's eyes stayed blue....there is a chance that Bear may keep his blue eyes😊...my father had blue eyes and my husband's mother's are bluish green

[@kimberlywatson3530]

I would equate the first 6 months after the 3rd baby is a survival phase. Heck…my youngest will be 2 in July and there’s many days I still feel in survival mode between all 3 of them!😮‍💨 They’re so precious though. BUT it’s made my husband and I stronger together because we know how much we need each other and we equally pull the weight which makes me appreciate him so much because it helps me feel like I have the 4 hands I need!!😅 I’m blessed to have a wonderful husband and he compliments and flirts with me all day which makes me want to reciprocate!😂 We learned to try to “out serve” each other and it has helped our love and respect grow for each other so much! Praying for yall during this demanding season!🙏💗

[@ninas4968]

My kids are 20, 13, 2 and I’m pregnant lol 😅 so the youngest two will be close. Just worked out that way for us.

[@janettefisher256]

Sometimes , you just have a complicated baby that just plum wears you OUT ! There is know figuring them out , it’s just something that sometimes changes as they get older ( hopefully )

[@karawright877]

With the 1,2,3 Magic’s-just be mindful of the fact that you’re letting your child think it’s ok to disobey three times, then the fourth time it’s wrong. I’m raising children, consistency is key and that can be confusing for a child when you use the 1,2,3 method in those scenarios!

[@Odiekins]

Doesn’t taking kids on date night with you defeat date night? 😂❤

[@Kwildcat13]

It’s no longer man on man defense it’s zone now but it will be ok .. you will learn and grow and won’t be able to imagine your life without all your kids .

[@jenniferfraley6546]

I had 6 babies in 8 years including a miscarriage. It was rough but so worth it.

[@v.l.k]

This will be interesting to watch this play out grandpa a hockey player daddy football what will they pick????? If either

[@ninas4968]

Hawkey 😂❤

[@natalieguess6515]

123 Magic is an excellent book. It really works like magic

[@carolynsimmons3987]

Shawn, I’m relating to your breast feeding journey. I would encourage you to give up one feeding and let Andrew give Bear a bottle. I did this with one of Our’s and it gave me a break. My breasts adjusted just fine. It gave my husband his baby time and it just helped me to relax so much better.

[@user-qj2so4zc2b]

Y'all are great.

[@IoanaHaitchi]

This time are blue eyes for good.

[@hannahw2697]

Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Life is hard. There are seasons that are wonderful, some that are hard, and some that don’t seem survivable.

[@dreamingmusicgal]

Question and hopefully I can make it make sense. Out of all the podcast with questions from others, has there ever been a question you either one couldn't answer because it made you think you? Did Shawn, Andrew or both could learn a lesson from it yourselves. And if so what was it and how did you learn/incorporate it into your life/lives. I hope you get the jest of my question. Blessings! Sherry

[@shelleynunley7925]

In May we will celebrate our 35th anniversary. Each phase of life is a season. During each season different things are required. The most important thing is to take time for each other through every season. Even if it's holding hands and taking or snuggling together to watch a movie that is intimate time. The connection is what's important.

[@verthib]

About 3/4 away through they said they’re strict on obedience? Disappointing. Children not dogs.

[@Odiekins]

Okay, exclusively pumping vs. breastfeeding is like comparing vaginal delivery to c-section… we all pay the same dues in the end. Vaginal delivery labor is longer, shorter recovery. C-section typically labors shorter but has a longer recovery. Breastfeeding may be easier in terms of accessibility, but you sacrifice routine and independence to some degree and weaning is a bitch especially when babies get teeth. Exclusively pumping may take longer, but anyone can give your baby a bottle and you can have a set schedule to work around that generally won’t vary and weaning is WAY easier and no teeth!! Personally, hooking up the portable pump and going about chores or whatever else is for sure the way to go 😂

[@sheilagibson982]

Everyone says that, “the third baby put them over the edge.”

[@SherryMacoy-dk4zh]

I’ve always heard the cure to the chaos of #3 is having #4. I wonder why?

[@gilashroot8697]

I have heard very, very different answers to my question of which number children was the hardest transition for you. The answers I was given showed it totally depends on preferences, strengths and weaknesses of the couple, and how much help you have.

[@monicamccuen6871]

4 was the hardest for me. I really thrived with 3. I now have my 4th, a 6 month old, and I’m struggling like never before.

[@SherryMacoy-dk4zh]

@@monicamccuen6871 I’m really sorry I’ve been there myself with that feeling. The noise, the chaos, the feeling of never having enough hands or man power. Many times I’ve doubted myself feeling like a failure. I think having a baby in general brings many challenges. 4 is a lot your doing great!

[@donnaguyton153]

After having 3 kids, we should have left it at 1 boy and 1 girl. Times are too tough these days. My kids are now in their 50's, so I know of what I speak.

[@Kwildcat13]

Awe but you just said you could have done without your third kid .. yikes .. I couldn’t imagine my life without my kids and I don’t imagine it .. because I love them

[@Wreck88888]

Love this for your youngest

[@donnaguyton153]

@@Kwildcat13 oh, give me a break. Didn't say I didn't love them, just shouldn't have had 3.

[@donnaguyton153]

@@Wreck88888 oh good grief, blow it out your duffle bag.

[@shortie65]

Shawn, its definitely not selfish to want to have your children at a younger age. It's so much harder to recover from pregnancy and childbirth the older you get.

[@juliemineau9880]

Is andrew ok, he looks sad

[@loraleepooley3669]

He does. Or tired.

[@PinkPaws88]

No disrespect but he’s been that way since his dad passed away..I was the same when my mom passed

[@loraleepooley3669]

@@RYL0689 could be

[@loraleepooley3669]

@@PinkPaws88 same with my mother in law. Took me a year to recover. I was closer to her than my own mom

[@jennifermiller5041]

He's grieving the loss of his father. It was a sudden loss. It will take time.

[@estellewadsworth4187]

Remember that toddlers don't stay toddlers for long. They grow fast and before you look they have flown the nest. Ask me I am a mom. I long for my daughters toddler years❤

[@user-emilyyyy]

😂 The difference in your pronunciations of "hockey" is the difference between mid west accent and west coast accent. The midwestern way to pronounce hockey would be h-ah-ckey. West cost says h-O-ckey

[@lorij9649]

Watch "Ellen Fisher" Vegan mom of Five who home birthed all of them and breast fed all of them. She will help and inspire you! They also grow all their own veges.

[@Pitsler]

Not really understanding your whole “roommate” thing. Our daughter just enhanced our romantic relationship, and it continued throughout our marriage…… and she’s 36 now. ❤ Perhaps give the overly analytical stage a rest for a bit and love & enjoy all three kids AND each other! ❤❤❤❤❤

[@jeannerader1349]

Why would you ever take him on a date night? That’s just another mom and dad night - not a date.

[@sancalhoun523]

Get off these people page with all that negativity and find you a date to go on…..

[@geno5169]

My wife and I adopted two girls when they were babies! I make sure I’m giving my beautiful wife a loving kiss in front of of our girls! I’m just coming behind her in our kitchen to give her hug! To give her a kiss.! I off her to dry her back and backside when she comes out of the shower! I put out a wash cloth and towel for her her even on trips’

[@asecmimosas4536]

This is an unpopular opinion but I'm really not crazy about the perpetual therapy/counseling concept. These things are good things and have their place in moderation. But couples fight about scheduling and money quite often. You could fight about how you're going to come up with the money to fit couples' counseling into your busy schedule. And in so doing, create a problem that needs a solution.

[@marybethlambert5678]

Shawn, you seem a little low.

[@Carnivorousmadeeasy]

Why do ppl always think sex sex sex. Being married just isn’t about sex

[@SnowFamilyVacations]

Maybe that's the season they are in in their relationship. I like how he put it "there's a season for everything and this isn't the season for X all the time"