I Played the Worst Map in Dwarf Fortress History.

[@BlindiRL]

For previews on videos that I'm working on and a weekly news letter. Subscribe to my blog! (Base tier is free) www.blindirl.com/

[@theysangha746]

bonk

[@jadelynnmasker]

Hey, Blind, just noticed you were naming the dwarves nicknames that included their first name. If you want to see their first name, you can go to the game tab and go to nicknames, and set them all to "centralize". This will put the nickname between their first and last name.

[@BlindiRL]

Huh.

[@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth]

Imagine your parental grandmother heads off on her usual trade route for the season, and never comes back. You hear word that she was last seen leaving for a new fortress, and decide to investigate. Upon arrival you ask around and the locals go: "Oh, you mean The Strangler?"

[@DrakonPhD]

"I've been wounded. Thats very annoying." Such heart wrenching last words.

[@hazukichanx408]

Indeed so. Most indeededly.

[@sir_fuckwit]

I hope those are my last words.

[@KhorneBrzrkr]

So very stoic. So very dwarven.

[@jffry890]

Cassius Clay after barely surviving an assassination attempt by like 8 dudes: "I felt the utmost indignation."

[@UMCorian]

"He strangled a weasel for 9 years" is not a sentence I've ever heard before, nor do I expect to ever hear again.

[@rathing101]

You haven't been choking your weasel for almost a decade?

[@ratwasnotbad4230]

You’ll hear it in my obituary if I don’t manage to last longer

[@natewoods4566]

Sounds like a euphemism tbh

[@BlindiRL]

@@natewoods4566 Many many many jokes have been made.

[@Xezian]

Forter Simpson

[@sorayaprotera]

'spending 9 years wrestling a ferret' feels like something out of mythology. The Strangler might be one of my favorite dwarves now. Loved the video, and I like this new format a lot!

[@brianjones6282]

The blockade, surrounded by enemies, missing everything but a leg and his shield: YOU'RE UP AGAINST A WALL, AND I AM THE FUCKING WALL!

[@Xsomono]

When you come to it and you cant go do it and you cant knock it down you know that you found THE WALL THE WALL THE WALL. The demons are walled in with him.

[@toddoverholt4556]

*MAKE WAY, FOR THE DOOOZEEERRRRR*

[@Orlkorrectt]

bonk

[@alexhoughton3305]

@@Xsomono *_NO MAN ON EARTH CAN MAKE IT FALL_*

[@ZakalweFeragh]

bonk

[@XlightninX]

Legends tell of an old man standing vigil at the gates of hell, with a shield in one hand and no blood in his veins.

[@Stone_SeashoresWall]

"Let's settle in the very, very dangerous place." "Why?" "... Because we can." "Fair enough."

[@agentblue4310]

when dwarf fortress is a sandbox that Blind can easily rig to win with mist generators and minecart shotguns sometimes you need to rig it to kill you instead!

[@arthurbarros5189]

Somehow, the persistency of the migrants makes a little more sense.

[@KaizarNike]

"because losing is fun" "fair enough"

[@gearandalthefirst7027]

"We do this not because it is easy, but because it is [FUN!]"

[@Religion0]

Sounds dwarven.

[@mossy3565]

Just the idea of an unwilling Zombie being this fort's hero, thrown out into battle like a Dark Souls boss, gradually losing pieces of himself until he's just a torso and a raised shield is incredibly unique, and honestly really inspiring It took the forces of hell to finally BONK him into his resting place...

[@Just.Kidding]

"...like a Dark Souls -boss- protagonist" Fixed

[@martinkrauser4029]

Dark Souls player characters are technically all zombies

[@emmettraymond8058]

Honestly, shutting yourselves into a months long communal detox shower is a very understandable response to being surrounded by oozing zombies and putrifying rain.

[@Yourbluetoothdeviceispairing]

It's funny to imagine an angelic being of untold power just hiding away until some 4 ft tall cave gremlins drop a fucking rock from the ceiling

[@KaBoom-i2l]

BEHOLD, THE POWER OF AN ANGE-

[@majikthise110]

The legendary zombie makes me think of creating a Dwarf Doomslayer, fully trained with the best possible gear before being zombified and sent to Hell

[@Zorothegallade-gg7zg]

Tempered by the fires of hell His iron will remained steadfast through the passage That preys upon the weak He set forth without pity And hunted the slaves of doom with barbarous cruelty Unbreakable, incorruptible, unyielding None could stand before the horde but the Doom Slayer For he alone was the hell walker

[@flotnar2512]

Better yet make him a vampire and control him. Or both?

[@strongerthanever2039]

Doomslayer if he was short.

[@Zorothegallade-gg7zg]

@@strongerthanever2039 Doomshortking

[@Kemuja]

He was John!

[@calar8]

Im just imagining a one-armed zombie with a shield slowly crawling towards you in a Fromsoft game, one arm massively oversized. He just constantly rolls to avoid your attacks before crushing you under his battered wooden shield. Classic Bonk.

[@trulyinfamous]

Like Knight of Artorias but with a shield.

[@atlander4204]

I can already hear the boss music.

[@travanoid]

Eternal respect to that poor weasel that was strangled for nine years straight. Remember the Blockade. BONK

[@Renfii09]

"ive been wounded, thats very annoying" amazing final words

[@whitson6777]

Blind, your commitment to just first-time pronouncing each of these dwarves and subsequent creatures is beyond admirable! An awesome video, thank you!

[@strikermodel]

The blockade having one leg and still perfectly dodging everything is amazing. He would make an excellent roaming legendary creature of myth.

[@johncameron1935]

bonk to honor the blockade bonk to honor the noodles bonk to honor the expedition leaders bonk to honor those who dug greedily and deep

[@DavidSchmitt]

Bonk!

[@entity447b]

One more bonk for the fallen ones.

[@operatchick6486]

Bonk

[@wumi2419]

Bonk, for those who persevered

[@Bluecho4]

Bonk

[@the1stwing]

1:05:31 Local Zombie Dwarf Literally Too Angry to Die

[@watchbot7517]

Leave it to Blind to settle in one of the hardest maps DF can throw at you and then proceed to bonk the circus

[@steadfastwolf2159]

At the start, when the zombie rain is described as un-observable besides for it's after effects, all I see in my head is "any wind or breeze will kill you"

[@clockworkkirlia7475]

"On the item is an image of a diamond in pyrite." By Armok. What a poetic indictment of promises shattered.

[@Vesol-kl7il]

The Pathfinder - Poor intuition - Good spatial sense "What about over there it's quicker *points at hatch not far from zombies" *sees zombies* "No! Follow me over this way!"

[@TheRenofox]

Awesome story! I've never thought of using the insanely powerful husks to bonk the demons back to hell before. Fun fact: husks are insanely powerful even now, but in earlier versions just a skinned scalp of a crow could conquer hell by itself.

[@EmmaOzenne]

Q

[@deojnwedofuWE]

Personally I'm still terrified of carp

[@atlander4204]

@@deojnwedofuWEthey scare the carp out of me.

[@Catman_CM]

​@@deojnwedofuWE "The carp stands up."

[@mardigan4922]

“I’ve been wounded. That’s annoying.” Amazing last words from Moldath

[@antoniofarminster8024]

The PZ jumpscare noise upon the discovery of the non-zombified reindeer is gold. Love the effort put into this video.

[@basbarbeque6718]

Blockade being released into a cave system filled with dangerous creatures. "I'm not locked in here with you, YOU'RE LOCKED IN HERE WITH ME!"

[@atanarix5346]

I would like to imagine The Blockade just does a bonk with his shield and uses the force of the impact to rebound from the demons.

[@zellexy]

i imagine some baki or jojo's type shenanigans, where he bonks by moving the earth in such away his enemies fall into his shield and are eviscerated in a blink of an eye

[@Poiman64]

Historian: So you're telling me that your greatest hero and warrior would have ended your entire civilization if he ever was let loose in your society. The Founder: Yes. H: And you named him Bonk, the Blockade. F: Of course, for that is what he did. H: ... Bonk. F: ... Bonk.

[@Areanyusernamesleft]

The fortress was truly an example of how losing can not only be fun, but epic as well! Bonk! Bonk!

[@ginger-]

"Atleast to the puppy's benefit, it wasn't feeling stressed from experiencing trauma, I wish it would, I... do not like this pupper." Had me balling 26:45

[@chtulufhtagn1344]

Y'know this kind of seems like a dwarven apocalypse prepper shelter. In an inhospitable place, planned to be completely self sufficient, etc.

[@trygveplaustrum4634]

I made it to the end, and I’d like to share my bonk story. My “tutorial” fortress happened to be placed on the haunches of the rotten hunter Nek Quuenlord. We threw bodies at the problem and made quick work of her, but that didn’t stop her army from habitually returning. On one such siege, her minions, olive haired scorpions with two antennae called monsters of Nek, set up shop in my deceased baroness’s bedroom, whose only furniture was a legendary bed. The monsters of Nek, while hostile, had dozens of not hundreds of friendly children. I quarantined the entire area, and every so often we have to deal with gangs of scorpions desecrating our tombs. Still, I can’t get mad at the little green guys!

[@JakeTalksGamesYT]

God yes this is exactly what dwarf fortress needs more of on KZbin. Please do more. The Blockade was an absolute legend. And of course, BONK

[@ArramzyChaos]

I'd love to see more like this, challenging playthroughs are already amazing but turning it into a narrative like this really pushes it to the next level. I loved watching The Blockade bonk his way through all sorts of enemies and now I almost wonder if it is possible to engineer the perfect terminator, great gear, legendary skills, all limbs still attached, undead, and release him onto your enemies to wreak havoc, just to see what the absolute most devastating combatant is one could possibly create. I'm not too familiar with the game I've seen quite a few videos on it but never played it myself, but if you can travel with a caged creature unleashing it in a large settlement of goblins or elves would be amazing. This was the first of your videos I've had recommended to me, and after watching it I definitely look forward to more in the future.

[@AdarColussi]

The Blockade deserves a castle named after him! BONK

[@Zetro_Hermit]

There's got to be special category of irony for the almighty champion of such an *utterly cursed* place, being a half-amputated zombie with a shield just bonk, bonk, *bonking*, his way through hordes of enemies, only ever finally slain by falling into literal hell. Even then, it was less the demons and more just gravity taking him out. What a Legend.

[@jonathanmaher2718]

All that work shows! Totally worth the equivalent of a streaming rental. Bonk-a-donk. RIP The Blockade

[@werderlork9056]

33:04 Into a pile of WHAT NOW!??

[@fragsnake]

Somehow the zombie dwarf fighting a winged horse demon with his trusty legendary wood shield, gave me vibes as if Captain America from Aliexpress fights The Balrog from the LOTR. Lol.

[@MrNanorex]

I do like this format quite a lot. This is my first time on this channel, but this is a great video to watch/listen while doing chores or something like that. Especially because it is about an hour long. Then you can be productive for about an hour while listening about some great dwarven stories. Awesome. That deserves some bonks on the shield!

[@Witchlexis]

An absolutely thrilling tale. It reminds me of one of my own ambitious Forts, which was settled upon an Evil-Aligned Ocean, contaiminated with at least 12 Forgotten Beasts below the depths. I truly believed it to be Ry'leh.

[@Gustoberg]

Sweetfeet's marriage story sounds like a boomer joke "Ya know, I used to get very angry and yell at the woman in charge of the fortress, now I get very angry and yell at my wife!"

[@TheSuitedGiraffe]

Long live the bonk-ade

[@BlindiRL]

Hail the great shield.

[@TheKillfish]

A solemn bonk for the Blockade, who still gave the creatures of Hell itself a run for their money despite being a nugget with a shield, and all the fallen Dorfs.

[@bugtank]

This was pretty rad. I liked this format. It's your very specific voice in a much easier way to watch!!

[@8han]

This new style of higher production video really focusing on telling the story is excellent. DF generates such good stories and this narrative style fits the storytelling vibe perfectly. Hope to see more like this!

[@Edramon53]

One of my favourite things I ever made and got working in DF was a 'safe' emergency entrance. (Safe from the viewpoint of the fortress, at least) This was open whenever my main entrance was sealed, basically a room with a meeting place, and a minecart. The minecart had a job to ride it, and it would carry a dwarf into the fortress via an otherwise impassable route, drop the dwarf off inside and return to start. If bad guys got into the minecart room they'd probably kill the migrants but couldn't ride the cart. And I could seal it off and flood with my choice of magma, water or both.

[@Cyynapse]

i love the thought of a zombified torso being airdropped into hell and managing to bonk satan to death with nothing but a shield

[@ericquiabazza2608]

You know, the idea if good/bad conflict zones sounds cool. Like the place where either by chaos or the forces clashing and keeping each other at bay causes both effects. Maybe call them edge, ridge, or zenit bioms.

[@noahhounshel104]

Bonking monsters with a shield is very fitting. I put this on in the background while playing minecraft, 10/10 would do again

[@cwynneth_celtia]

I love that you've added your own arm pointing at things. 😆Bonk!

[@BlindiRL]

😁

[@Memelord-md5hs]

Bonk! I always love hearing dwarf fortress stories. when I was little I remember listening to the entirety of Boatmurdered when I was staying at my Tia's house for a weekend. And dwarf fortress will always be one of my beloved games even if I don't really play it anymore. its probably hands down the best story generator of all of them tbh Loved your video and I hope you make more! your a good story teller too

[@heywhoisthisguy]

It's oddly fitting to imagine a gaggle of dwarves getting fed up with walking through some frigin fjord, and deciding to settle down in the most nightmarish, hell adjacent spot on the planet because they're too stubborn to reconsider

[@24JJ]

The video was amazing. I appreciate the massive amount of work you put into making this great tale. This was a great way of distracting me from being sick, so thanks for that ❤. Bonk

[@nothawkeye5073]

you have no idea how hungry i am for well told dwarf fortress stories, thats peak content for me, a game i'll never play but one i have endless time to hear peoples stories of.

[@hoba5174]

I really enjoy this longer form content, that tells a story, I've been enjoying your shorts but this really scratches the itch of interesting and thought out stories the game makes. Bonkies

[@ragingfurball5419]

Dang. I just watched an hour and fifteen minutes long story about a game that I know nothing about and will probably never learn how to play. And it was somehow better than any movie I've watched in the past 20 years. Thank you for that grand tale. -Bonk

[@jonathanmaher2718]

Algorithmic reinforcements, all hail the algorithm

[@misterepf]

To the algorithm! And in spite of it,

[@ritabennett]

Finally got the spoons to bonk this video, and it was worth every single one. Love this new format - you're a wonderful storyteller!

[@Zemalf]

Masterfully crafted and narrated video Blind - Thank you for putting in the mountain of effort of not only playing all this, but then compressing it into a compelling video and story for us to enjoy. Absolute BONKers 🍻

[@butchcatss]

For those of you wondering why The Strangler's conflict lasted so long: In order to kill a zombie, you need to do significant structural damage to an important body part (head, neck, or torso, usually) by either pulping it or severing it. There are unarmed attacks capable of this (pushing, gouging, biting, and pinching, among others) but strangling can really only do damage to the tissue of the neck and throat- which does nothing, as zombies can't suffocate or bleed out. Basically, if the Strangler had simply chosen at any point to punch that weasel once it would have exploded into a shower of gore and immediately died.

[@HannahKocher]

I saw this at work today and REALLY wanted to put it on to listen, but BONK my headphones are falling apart. The storytelling in this was honestly really stinking fun. I hope this ends up being worth the effort because it would be cool to see these occasionally.

[@try2bchilledout417]

Your hours spent editing do not go unnoticed! o7 I love the long-form content, your forts translate rlly well to this “movie” type vid.

[@jakeking974]

I have to imagine the Gatekeeper was like an MMO boss brought to life crossed with a DnD monk. Practically teleporting feet away to rip an enemy apart on a loop that makes a Bloody Mary look rough cut. Like they're designed to be hard to kill but something else about them, namely their attack speed and strength, are just too OP for weaker opponents to even last a minute.

[@UMCorian]

Very excited about this new format. Looking forward to watching today.

[@strategystuff5080]

Nice to see these kinds of videos getting you so much traction, pre steam release, you where the one of the only sources of actual Zack and Tarn updates :D

[@kynelius]

Great stuff. I'd love to see more gameplay runs like this. I'm really not into the tutorials, but respect them. I just love a bonking good storytime like this

[@dimitribarronmore]

The entire embark may have been doomed from the beginning, but at the very least dwarven legend will be able to carry forward stories of The Bonkade as a warning and an inspiration

[@englishdragon1015]

Fantastic work - 'The Blockade' will live on in legends to come. Perhaps a figure to be remembered as we remember King Arthur of the misty Albion, time will tell... "In bello eterno pax invenitur - Bonk"

[@Connorses]

For those wondering, The Blockade's shield's name seems to translate to SoapConfine Autumn Confederacy.

[@VoidGirlfriend]

Wow you got this together quicker than I expected! Super BONK-ed up for more stuff like this.

[@hippiedude2232]

The Blockade was a legend, the thought of him with better gear is terrifying.

[@DrunkVic]

Playing Project Zomboid while having this amazing tale running on the side, only to be scared shitless by your use of the jumpscare-violin. Amazing video, thank you. We celebrate The Blockade!

[@Vlamyncksken]

Wow haha, that's a big coincidence, right? You playing the game the snippet came from? A game where you wouldn't really listen to things on the side? Haha, coincidence!

[@Wowls]

The blockade going into hell doing the one scene of kratos falling . just a bonk of his shield killed hundreds

[@zefcookie4501]

Bonk, really impressed with the scale of this video, editing must of been insane on 50 hours of footage. Awesome work :D

[@denisdubovik228]

Imagine finding out that your paternal grandmother is the strangler. Terrifying. Bonkefying even

[@TheMrTDrain]

Great video. I would totally love to watch more dangerous embarks

[@Oneskelis]

Love these longer format videos. You're doing a great job man. Going to buy a few mugs. Keep up the amazing work.

[@BlindiRL]

Mugs for the mug god! (Thanks a lot)

[@alanalan6559]

Fuck yeah, Blind fort!!! Super excited to be able to watch this since I couldn’t make it to stream.

[@thisdude4502]

Goodnight sweet Blockade, this was honestly one of the best long-form videos of dwarf fortress I've seen in a bit. You're among the best, bonk, and I hope to see a lot more from you. Not that it means much from one fan, but there's obviously many more.

[@ed01987]

Bonk bonk bonk bonk... Well done. This was one that I caught a few things, but good to see the narrative!

[@FuzzyFantastico]

Zombies in this game are absolutely insane. The Gatekeeper and The Blockade both demolishing swaths of challengers. Bonk!

[@Krushnow]

Great video! The Blockade's skill really reminds me of the diplomatic skill of former U.N. Secretary BON Ki-Moon.

[@lightdrgn20]

Was not expecting Gandalf vs the Balrog in the form of a Zombie Dwarf BONKing a demon horse.

[@cryptonautical1733]

All shall kneel at the BONK-ing Blockade!

[@generaldurandal3568]

The Blockade got gud at bonkin with that shield Is there an Elden Ring build all about bonking things with a shield? ~ On March 26th 2022, just past midnight, I was restless in bed, my limbs became numb & tingly, my chest became tight, & my heart felt like it was being crushed. So I sang out to God and Jesus, about my pain, my feelings, my faults and my inabilities. As I sang, I began to feel like a river, & a hand was on my back, it's fingers where skimming the surface of the waters, separating the waters, causing ripples through my body. Then the hand reached inside my chest, lit my heart on fire, & the heat moved like waves through my body. When I was done singing, all the pain was gone, & I looked at the clock, it was past 1am, I had sang near an hour. Then the voice of my guardian angel called my name from above, & there was a hymn of energy in the air, the same hymn I hear in my dreams of God. Glory, Honor, blessings, thanks and praise to the Lord my God, for healing my heart during a heart attack! Hallelujah to the Lord my God for healing my heart! Hallelujah for His son Jesus for saving my soul! Hallelujah for every day! Hallelujah for every breath! The Lord is Faithful and true! The kingdom of Heaven is at hand! May the Lord Bless your hearts, so that you have the will and strength to turn from selfish sins, and flee from the slaveries of the flesh!

[@chef0death88vods2]

Dwarf warriors dont die, they regroup in hell!

[@3NC3PH4L0N]

I cant even imagine the amount of work and effort going into this! Armok gave the algo a mighty BONK too i guess xD Well deserved indeed PS: Please do more of this edited content its soooo good!

[@Alanssil]

Great stuff, the memory of Blockade lives on. Bonk!

[@nulfrost4167]

The blockade was absolutely the star of the show. What an actual legend. Bonk

[@whatisthisnonsense1356]

What a crazy bonk embark!

[@katgrogan5288]

My man the blockade just bonked every single demon he could with his shield, and by the gods we are proud of him for it

[@kwogger]

bonk goes the 🛡️

[@thecwd8919]

The Blockade basically became a mix between Captain America, Batman, and the Doomslayer

[@Zonathrobe]

I've never had the urge to play Dwarf Fortress, but the way you presented this made it seem like a lot of fun and bonks! Good job!

[@Thandulfan]

My experience in Dwarf Fortress is bonk small, but I enjoyed every minute listening to this story. You're good at narrating stuff, loved it

[@ChocolateNaruto]

Imagine airdropping into hell itself after bonking a literal demon for who knows how long and being so dastardly that you do the worm to dodge the legions that come after you

[@Red_Oak.]

This was amazing to watch! Your narrating *bonk* was very cool; I loved the style.

[@DanielMarkstedtR]

This video is a bonkin' gem. In my mind, it is akin to the narrative transcripts of Moria and Angband playthroughs that I remember reading on the early internet in the 90s, which sparked my love for this meta-genre. Anyone else remembers those?