Ghosting Is Emotional Abuse

[@Iamaaliyahdesarae]

I was in a relationship for a year and he ghosted me out of nowhere. We planned our whole life. Marriage. Buy a house. Have our baby. My kids loved him. I loved him. He told me loved me 1st. I was very careful and i intentional this time around. He ghosted me. Its been a month now since i last heard from him and some days are better than others but it still feels like day 1 on most days. Yesterday i cried so much and i just wanted to text him. But i fought the urge cause i know i did absolutely nothing to deserve how he treated me and i think it's very narcissistic. I hate feeling disposal. My parents make me feel the same way... He's a federal agent and was special ops but come to find out he is such a coward!! Also. I did no begging & crying to him 👑 im suffering horribly though. But he doesnt know. I have my 1st counceling session today. Thanks for this video!

[@RemyChausse]

So sorry you're going through this. Holding yourself in a graceful position just feels d*mn good to the soul. Let him deal with his own karma that he's now created, and welcome this opportunity to radiate the beautiful person you are to others who need your radiance.

[@Iamaaliyahdesarae]

@@RemyChausse thanks for your platform and spreading love light and positivity 💞👑 i will reference back to this video anytime i need a pick me up!

[@reneesimmons1890]

@@Iamaaliyahdesarae how are you doing now? I just got ghosted I know how painful. I a so sorry for you.

[@Iamaaliyahdesarae]

@@reneesimmons1890 hey honey!! Firstly! Thanks for checking on me. Secondly. Im sending long genuine hugs 💖 I am doing soooo sooo much better. Every single day for at least 14 days i felt like i was living in H3ll. Cried 97% of the day away. Not eating. Not leaving my room... Depressed badly! But soon after i had to snap out of it. This was by far my hardest break up and the ghosting is the kill3r part!! So i feel for you sis. Took me a lot of praying, journaling, and i did get a councilor. I initially reached out to him within the first 2 days after last contact just to make sure i wasn't trippen and he wasn't injured or worse but when i saw he was reading my messages almost immediately as i sent them. I knew. And i never looked back. Never wrote him again never called him again. Its been 2 month's since he ghosted me! DO NOT CHASE HIM!!! And i was so in love and missed him so bad at first BUT I WOULD NEVER TAKE A PERSON THAT TREATED ME LIKE THAT AND LEFT ME FOR D3@D! he had the nerve on our last phone convo to count down from 10 to 1 and hung up and that was the last time i ever heard from him.. And i was with him for a whole great year no break ups or nun!! This makes me feel like he was cheating on me and it was easy for him to leave cus he already had someone. More than likely same with your situation... Better now than later though.. Im here if you need someone to talk to and help you get through this. Start with Pastor R C Blakes on KZbin. LIFE CHANGING! i been Listening to him for 2 years now and he always help pull me out of darkness. You deserve so much better. God has so much better for you. I know cause he has given me someone when i least expected and didn't want it or wasnt looking for a relationship... Haven't did the deed with him or nothing. Taking things slow. But very intentional. I was so scared and still am but im not gonna let that fear make me run a good man away. Im just more careful. He is flying down friday to meet in person. Sent me $100 today just to get my nails done. And treat me better THAN ANYBODY! Not just materially but emotionally romantically everything...My ex never bought me 1 thing. Never opened up or was vulnerable and never did 1 thing romantically for me but be did break my heart. Know your wroth and accept nothing less than! And leave at first signs of red flags. We are not a red flag collector!

[@reneesimmons1890]

@@Iamaaliyahdesarae I just want to reach through the screen and hug you! Truly an inspiration! I am doing all the hard work counseling, prayer journaling and prayer every day gets easier. Whoa your ghoster the count down made my stomach hurt. Who does thaaat?! I will be thinking of you and so glad you are doing better! 🙏🏻❤️

[@karltaylor6391]

It is immature and cowardly thats why narcissists use it and also get hurt by it

[@RemyChausse]

Yes, I agree, and that's probably my favorite phrase within this video, "immature and cowardly". Someone who dishes out emotional abuse simply isn't capable of a healthy relationship.

[@sandman5522]

The thing that hurts the most about being ghosted by someone with whom you had some sort of relationship with, especially a friend, is that it forces you to draw that person in a negative light, without even understanding why.

[@RemyChausse]

Totally agree

[@Lantern66]

He ghosted me for the first time Dec 2019. I haven't been the same since. I reached out to him Feb 2020 and he replied straightaway, apologising stating it was just a busy time for work. So, I'm thinking i jumped to conclusions. We ended up meeting up again, and I brought it up again. He said he hates that word and that's not what he did. He ended up being very cruel this time around. He ghosted me again in April. I begged him for a month to say goodbye and not leave it hanging again. This has changed me forever. I'm in pain everyday. I've been seeing a psychologist and she said that he's a narcissist. I can't move on, I'm stuck. I can't get over hos cruelly. I'm never going to be tge same again. I feel Disposable, worthless, damaged.

[@RemyChausse]

I totally understand, and believe me, you aren't the first person to express the pain it causes every single day. And I loved your descriptive word ... "disposable". This is why it's considered ABUSE. I'm curious ... was there anything in this episode that brought some relief? Just the concept that someone who ghosts is telling you that they aren't capable of a healthy relationship has been very eye-opening for sooooo many people. We want a partner who's into an EQUAL investment with us, or they just aren't worth having around. Every episode I do is designed to bring some relief to anyone who's suffered a spiritual injury. Let me know if you'd like some recommendations as to which episodes might be most helpful. Sending light & love ...

[@Lantern66]

@@RemyChausse Unfortunately not. What I'm struggling with is the games he played, the absolute denial of what he did, and when i gave him opportunities to bow out gracefully, he answered with a breadcrumb of he'll get back to me soon then nothing. He knew how much it hurt and he still did it. I logically know that there are people who are not capable of a relationship but his game playing and inhumane treatment is unforgivable. Weirdly he didn't hold back on his opinions in my company but in the safety of distance and social media he couldn't even say goodbye and block me with no accountability. Thank you for the video, I know in the end im better off but being discarded will take quite a longtime to get over.

[@RemyChausse]

@@Lantern66 Well, there are probably many layers to this. But it definitely doesn't have to take a long time to get over. This is a CHOICE, and you absolutely have the choice to step outside of this cycle of suffering. (If you believe in karma, you probably know that the lesson within every karmic relationship is to step outside of the chaos and go play on a different playing field that has a foundation of compassion and kindness. That IS the lesson of karma, although Ego would have us stay engaged in chaos because it thinks we'll somehow be in control.) The very simple layer that I'm seeing right away is a difference in values. Sometimes we bump into people who don't handle life the way we would, and their behavior just makes no sense to us! It's interesting to note that the #1 reason people break up (whether it's a personal or business relationship) is a mismatch of values. Let me add to this that there's a difference between values and virtues. A value can sound really good, but is it just lip service? Value becomes a virtue when it's put into action. This is why one person can say, "I would never ghost anyone, I don't even like that word" and then turn around and do it anyway. Another example would be the person who says they're highly ethical, but then in the next moment bullies someone at the gas pump. You can probably find many examples of values vs. virtues if you really think about it! It sounds like you practice kindness and clear communication as a virtue, and you've bumped into someone who doesn't know how to deal with their feelings or emotions. That's not a good or a bad thing, because we all have our own journey of spiritual growth. But it might also be that it isn't something being done to YOU, rather you've been a catalyst for HIS spiritual growth. (And it's a funny thing about a person who hides ... their soul has a way of putting the pain right back in their face so they can grow from the experience.) With this perspective, it might allow you to step outside of the cycle of suffering and into compassion instead, allowing you the space to move on, knowing that you've fulfilled your soul contract with him. It feels to me like this might be a better fit ... would you agree?

[@wilson8979]

Same happened to me

[@RemyChausse]

@@wilson8979 So sorry you've had to go through that

[@thebob-eexperience1762]

Just recently been ghosted. The last date she made up an excuse to take off and get away from me. You hit the nail on the head, it is immature and cowardly, she doesn’t have the communication skills say she doesn’t feel the same way.

[@RemyChausse]

If they would just say, "I'm going to ghost you now" that would be all the communication we'd need. Doesn't take much skill to say THAT!

[@goddessoflove4323]

We all have the power to move on from this kind of cruel behaviors to others. We are sensitive and emotional beings. MOVING ON ITS KEY!

[@RemyChausse]

So true! And … recognizing the earlier behaviors that lead up to it before our hearts get involved. As they say in dating, DISCOVER don't DECIDE. But this also applies to employees, business partners, and all kinds of relationships. The red flags will always be there, if we're aware enough to recognize them!

[@johnayala2540]

@@RemyChausse so true. It would be really nice and helpful to be an expert on identifying those red flags so we don't waste our time or invest emotions or friendships on low quality individuals. I don't want to sound snobbish or holier than thou but lowlife individuals are everywhere and it has nothing to do with their high income, wealth or status in society. I didn't realize that in my youth. In my mid 20s, I thought everyone was good but my ignorance burnt me so badly. I learned the hard and expensive way. Since then, I enjoy more the company of my own thoughts. All of a sudden, even the beautiful (outside appearance) people aren't too appealing to me anymore. The character of a person is the most important thing but how could we see genuine good character right off the bat? It can't be observed physically. It takes time. Some people are great pretenders. I personally know a person, the nicest, likable, generous, affectionate, loving and could effortlessly shed tears at will and well liked by her friends but inside her home, she is the nastiest, mean spirited who terrorizes her family with the most vile, hurtful insults. Lying, manipulating, gaslighting, mocking and ridiculing her family members and other people is a way of life for her and her husband, her own mother and other family members flew from her and her daughter said she can't wait to be on her own and even her usual baiting (using her money) didn't work and I don't blame them. She would use the police as her weapon to intimidate her male relatives because of her great acting abilities, crying with real tears and runny nose, the police believed her and she laughed after the police left the house. I personally would rather starve to death or slit my throat than be subjected to hell under her rules. She makes satan looks timid. But what's so bothersome is the fact that she is a better actress than Meryl Streep. For people that don't really know her, she is more saintly than Saint Mother Teresa but she has no qualms on killing her own unborn child, more likable than Michelle Obama, Milania Trump & Hilary Clinton combined..she's that good and she has fooled so many people and proud of it and laughing while telling the story how she played even the so-called intellectuals. But of course, eventually, true colors always comes out and be revealed in time. Almost all her childhood friends in highschool and collage classmates had abandoned and didn't want anything to do with her. Narcissists needs their narcissistic supply so she continues to cultivate friendships using her money as her bait. Not too long ago, some people have already found out what she's all about and now avoiding her. Her job requires that she lies and put on a show to the federal inspectors, obviously, she is highly successful in her career because of her incredible skills in lying and gaslighting. She is the master of manipulation and lies that it worked for her advantage since her childhood. She was able to fooled the US government and obtained US citizenship for some people. She falsely accused her former boss of sexual harassment and received a large amount of money in settlement. Enough money that she didn't have to work for 3 years, had boob implants, liposuction and others cosmetic procedures and vacation abroad. Of course, I don't know for certain if she was sexually harassed or not, but if somebody less attractive than Rosie O'Donnell could be sexually harassed, then anything is possible I guess but very unlikely. The sexual harassment allegation was before the liposuction and boob implants. She also instructed her siblings to fake back injuries from a car accident and to seek chiropractor treatments to get large amount of money from insurance settlement even if there was no injury from the acccident whatsoever. She is highly successful In her career that requires constant lying with an annual income of over $250k (according to her). You can't make these things up but I don't blame anyone reading this if they don't believe the things I just wrote or think this is an exaggeration, but I will reiterate that what I said is 100% true. I could tell the story in great detail because it's true but I don't want to bore you to death with evil stuff but I'm just glad that I was able to go away and will stay away for good. Sad, but 100% true..

[@Alex-dk8dl]

I have PTSD from being badly abused as a child. The abuse caused TBI that caused epilepsy. Its very hard for me to trust others. Im self conscious about my epilepsy, even they are controlled with medication. I had a good friend who I let get close to be, that I trusted she gosted me for the 1st time for no reason. We had a good relationship. No disagreemenst or arguing. She just disappeared from my life out of nowhere. It hurt so badlly and made me feel I wasn't good enough or worthy of love. Like I was nothing. She shattered my heart and self esteem, and made me even more afraid to trust others. The stress triggered my epilepsy. Seziures returned. A few months go by, I was finally starting to heal. The pain was easing. I started feeling better about myself. Then, she pops back in my life. Never mentioned what she did. Like it never happened. I never mentioned it, forgave her and gave her a second chance. Everything was going good. I was having a hard time. Told her my Dr added a new med in casual conversation. She started pushing me to get off my medication and use natural holistic remedies and go against my Dr order's. Then criticizing me for taking meds. Telling me what to do with my own body and health. I kindly told her that wasn't not helpful and not an option. She herself takes benzos for anxiety daily. My meds are not narcotics (anti-epiletics). Then she ghosted me 2nd time. I even apologized for saying she wasn't being helpful. Nothing go months. Made me relive those horrible feelings again. I felt so broken. Again started to heal when ahe pops up again, almost a year latter. Again didn't mention the ghosting at all. Like nothing happened. Gaslighting me. I let her know ghosting was not okay. It's abusive and traumatic. I finally found the bravery ro advocate for myself and said I didn't want to be friends anymore. It was like a weight lifted off my heart.

[@RemyChausse]

Thank you for sharing your story. If you've listened to my podcast for awhile, you may have heard me say before that sometimes people just bounce off our energy field because we no longer resonate with each other. Do you think it's possible that you've been advancing in your spiritual growth in a different way than your friend? If so, this is a GOOD thing! As we get through our spiritual injuries and trauma, and progress through our journey, we simply attract a different level of people into our lives that support the growth we've experienced. I'm hoping you have some new (better!) friends and relations on the way ...

[@watitduful]

14:19 I’d say that emotional/psychological abuse is worse than even physical abuse. Physical abuse is more clear and apparent whereas psychological abuse has many rabbit holes to it. Scary stuff.

[@MrSanman28]

Ghosting is a great way to deal with a narcissist. It stops the feedback that drives the narcissist ego and they move on. Keep in mind that narcissist ghost people also, but they do it for selfish reasons.

[@RemyChausse]

Love this perspective!

[@annijensen5790]

I’ve been ghosted for almost 5 months now and I think I know the reason why. I became friends with this guy whom I had known for about a year and a half. We spoke everyday on the phone and we hung out frequently (as friends). I think his real goal was to find a girlfriend. Things never became intimate between us and so I have a feeling that the reason why he suddenly ghosted me out of the blue was because he didn’t fulfill his goal. He simply got tired that we never got to the next step. I am still very much hurt about it and it’s really hard to move on 😒 Even though that deep down, I know he is not worth my energy and thoughts 💔😣 What a narcissistic coward.

[@Amaymay1000]

I think ur right. It's emotional abuse, it's just not right. I think by far besides physical and verbal abuse....one of THE worst things you can do to a person. A bit like leading someone on and then dropping them like a hot potato. So cruel. With NO warning. Never ever talk to them AGAIN no matter what. Don't care if the worst happened to them, NEVER answer them again. They died when they ghosted. Grieve then get over it.

[@spacesloth6496]

I think they dont know how to keep a relation , because. They were abandont and did not get phiscly emotinaly en mental attention sinds sibbling and the rest of there uppbringing

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Exactly it's so cruel and evii. I have no words for it. Besides pain I also feel angry and hoping if he texts me I can make him feel the same pain as I am feeling now. It sounds childish but this is what their abuse activated in us bc it's unequal. I feel a bond with him. I miss him but he ignores me. Idk if he is gone. Hurts like hell. He stopped texting before and I kept trying to give it a chance bc he was Humble to say he messed up and asked for a chance to meet for coffee but then he didn't fly back home yet so no coffee meeting yet due to circumstances. I understood all of it but now I'm being ignored and yes zi did tell him several times my boundary but he would reply. He even said I'm not crazy to let you go, you are sweet. Here I am pain in heart and stomach. I opened ny heart. I thooght O finally met potential love.i asked him once if he was playing a game. He replied: why would I? I wouldnt achieve anything with that. We didn't even meet yet bc he is abroad for work but we have phone contact since 3.5 months. Devastated. I know we didn't meet but still we are humans talking on the phone talking about future and all kinds of things. I'm so confused and I feel alone bc of this. It's really unhealthy to experience this emotional stress.

[@pjewellful2012]

You are absolutely right! Even the temporary one or two day ghosting for no good reason, I mean purposely ignoring someone you are in a relationship with that hasn’t done anything to deserve it is cruel just evil in my opinion. I just left a relationship with a man who would do this at random. He kept asking to work it out and then he would do better for a while then out of nowhere ghost you a couple days. This last time I told him to come get all your stuff that you want from my crib and I will not be reaching out to you again after you get your things. It is absolutely emotional abuse and for me it’s just evil.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

​@@pjewellful2012 ageed. The last time he ghosted me 5 days ( when I wrote the former comment here). , he came back with the reason/excuse his phone was stolen. He asked " are you still there 😢" I replied yep... He wrote: thank God you are still with me". Now one month later, he dissapeared after sending me a loving voixemessage,: I like you, you are great no need to doubt us and if you do, tell me and I will always answer you thinkng of you". I replied with appreciation. Next day I texted him I miss warnth and love. Just to share a feelihg. No reply and here ai am 6 days later. From day one I saw possible red flags but I looked at the green flags. Hurts and it's humiliating and creates selfdoubt. I think he is a scammer or at least a player although he said why wpuld I play it won't achieve anything.h His company does exist and also his name. But he went on vacation right after we matched on dating app and then he extended his stay. 5 months we talked, he called me 4 times. Didn't sound like a scammer. I will never know what it was but it makes me angry and wanting to report it to the dating site. Just to infprm them how many abusers are targeting people who just wanted to meet a new person for a drink with no high expectations! This man was the one who talked love way to early. One time he said that the fact that I seeked reassurance from him if he was still there, was making him feel goid bc it showed I truly cared about him. Selfish actor.

[@jamierae-7015]

Very damaging....abusive behaviour

[@kresivarivkah612]

Absolutely.

[@freeguy3751]

Thank you for validating my feelings when being ghosted and also that it truly is emotional abuse. I have felt this way for a long time about ghosting even though it is considered socially acceptable to the majority. But my intuition told me it is abusive and very hurtful. I'm glad to say I'm in the 20% that do not ghost people! :)

[@RemyChausse]

It's never okay to abuse people, emotionally or otherwise. I'm hoping we can educate society on this. If nothing else, who wants the bad karma??? If we don't see how we're hurting others, the universe has a way of showing us. Tenfold. I'm happy you enjoyed this episode, and especially you know how to "use your words" without resorting to low energy hurtful practices. Blessings to you ...

[@maryquinn6661]

Thank you for the message! It’s shocking!I think the key is knowing the ghoster is the problem. Having a solid sense of self esteem and love (wholeness) makes it much easier to process!! Know your value and worth!! 🙏💜

[@RemyChausse]

Totally agree ... a lot of people struggle with knowing their own value. They sometimes instead launch off into arrogance in order to protect their hearts. Knowing our value is FOUNDATIONAL not SITUATIONAL. And something a guy told me a long time ago: "If you're gonna lose, LOSE FAST!" In other words, we all see the red flags early on, don't we? No need to prolong the inevitable ghosting, especially if we see it comin' ...

[@TawnH1]

It's very immature and cowardly.

[@kresivarivkah612]

Absolutely.

[@soniafinch7922]

Thank you. It feels like psychic attack in a way... like they have a part of your soul and something is missing. the best thing to do in that situation is to take back what is yours and cut the chords. I think I can do it now.

[@janellegarden4689]

💕💕💕right there with you

[@LittleBird888]

Then it’s better they ghosted me. I don’t hang out with ghosts and stick around for more abuse.

[@ritakapoor1]

Well said

[@DR-nh6oo]

Doesn’t feel like that when it is your youngest son unfortunately.

[@ineffableelse]

My brother has ghosted me for the last 3 years, without explanation. It's a daily struggle to remind myself I'm not a terrible person and I haven't done anything to him.

[@RemyChausse]

It's a shame when it happens with family, isn't it? It's a special kind of h*ll. So sorry you've had to go through this

[@christinepolacek1116]

People that ghost ; deserve to feel the pain they caused 😡

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Exactly!

[@lightwarrior1755]

I would not even ghost an ennemy. I hate it how it leaves a person wondering.

[@RemyChausse]

You said it ... it's just the worst.

[@LittleBird888]

Hearing this makes me sad how many people ghosted me even recently in my late forties. 😞 it’s kind of becoming a norm nowadays…not interested just ghost the person and make them feel like they are a bad person. Just ignore their texts and move on. Ok, I will too. It’s just as disrespectful as the verbal, belittling, threats, diagnosing, triangulations, bullying and emotional abuse when they’re around. But it’s better they ghost then continue to treat me like shit and compete with me. God I can’t believe how much disrespect I put up with for so much of my life. It makes me sad. But also proud I’m fully aware of it and no longer a victim of these hateful people.

[@RemyChausse]

@@LittleBird888 I think I had the same realization. And I was STUNNED how many times I'd seen it happen to myself, my friends, and my family. Once society put a label on it, those of us who just don't live our lives that way (we don't abuse others!) could finally identify it and do something about it.

[@LittleBird888]

@@RemyChausse 💜🦋

[@lightwarrior1755]

I have been working on myself for years. If we cannot change others, we must become much stronger from within. I do my best not to ghost and stay respectful. However the ghosting hurts less and less. At the end of the day it is another word for rejection. Life goes on. We must get used to this new norm.

[@ginny5685]

I need to read this. This is emotional abuse

[@RemyChausse]

Emotional abuse to the "inth" degree

[@rossmarlin4947]

My wife ghosted my only after two years of marriage, and haven't heard from her since the day I left for work 8/2018 Cowardly

[@RemyChausse]

Whoa. Cowardly and cold. So sorry to hear ... no one deserves that. I think it's a question we should ask on every single first date: "Have you ever ghosted anyone? And if you haven't, under what circumstances would you consider it?" This would probably reveal a lot about a person's character, and how they handle life when things get a little bit tough.

[@raindrops21_9]

That is appalling!

[@zhmw]

My parents were married for 51 years before my mum passed away. They had their ups and downs in their marriage. At one point, they decided to talk to each other about divorcing and then, decided to sleep on it. They lived in a big house at that time, and each slept in a different bedroom. The next morning, they both decided that divorce is not the answer and although neither of them really changed, they each became more tolerant and more compassionate towards the other. The lesson I have learned from this is to communicate with each other. My husband and I have been happily married for almost 35 years. Commitment and communication are just as important as being in love.

[@tiffanyb8656]

@@zhmw Your comment helps to maintain hope that the brave, secure, emotionally intelligent and emotionally available man is out there looking for me. I was recently ghosted, even though we were dating for just over three months and was into a seven-day old committed relationship, but it still hurt as if was 30 years. Of course I called him out. His excuse: "I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to be alone, plus I don't think I'm ready for a relationship after all." Ummmm...you just said what could've been said when you DECIDED to stop all communication. How difficult was that?! In that instant, I saw him as a coward. A 51-year-old coward! Needless to say, I've healed and I'm back in the dating pool.

[@MJ-od5sh]

Is she actually alive ? If she is That is appalling wow that is the devil right there am so sorry 😞 xx

[@AmaLoveGoddessTV]

You can choose to think about ghosting negatively. But the truth is unless you were abusive or disrespectful to the other (in which case you deserve to be ghosted for their mental health) then you are being protected. Just remember that you don't want people in your life who are too cowardly immature rude and brash to communicate that he or she are not interested.

[@RemyChausse]

I like how you've re-framed ghosting as protection. That's a beautiful way to look at an unfortunate situation!

[@AmaLoveGoddessTV]

@@RemyChausse yes I believe that they are showing who they really are.

[@jimmilhouse3034]

I disagree only to the extent that we have a right to abruptly cut ourselves off from toxic relationships including family members. Ghosting sometimes is necessary, not as a cruel device but rather to move on.

[@RemyChausse]

It's also very cathartic to leave with clear parting words so there's closure for both parties, even if it's a note. "Thank you for helping me affirm who I am, who I'm becoming, and what's most important to me. I'm taking the invitation to move on with my journey elsewhere, and wish you all the best." After all, the other person is very likely someone who signed up to help us with our own spiritual growth, so that we can evolve. A little gratitude helps keep our own energy clear!

[@doyebanks1080]

@@RemyChausse Not if your dealing with a narcissist

[@doyebanks1080]

I agree some toxic people leave you know choice but to walk away to save your sanity especially if your dealing with a narcissist

[@RemyChausse]

@@doyebanks1080 I agree with what you're saying 100%. I'm just adding that we ultimately want to keep our own energy clean, and that sometimes means clear parting words. Narcissists love to chase after empaths and steal our energy! We need a very clear departure, as well as researching what narcissism is (so that we don't get entangled with it again).

[@garycordle5295]

@@doyebanks1080 I totally agree 💯 percent,goso get out stay out no contact 👍

[@latishawilliams7943]

I’ve been a ghoster… to people who were emotionally abusive in ways other than ghosting. There weren’t many, but enough, and I don’t regret it, because after many talks and much abuse, walking away without a word was the best thing I could do at the time. The person who ghosts, is sometimes provoked to do so and the reasons are not always as simple as they’re immature or broken.

[@RemyChausse]

Very well said! In this episode, we're talking about people who are dishing out emotional abuse because they are incapable of a healthy relationship. In your case, good job in recognizing emotional abusers and getting them out of your life! I don't really consider that ghosting (by the definition we're using here), but instead holding a strong boundary of respect. And yes, I 100% agree that walking away without a word can be the absolute best decision. Thank you for your comment and being such an inspiration!

[@rosequartz7841]

The term itself seems to have become a trend. Appalling and cowardly behaviour- a sign of emotional immaturity .

[@RemyChausse]

The funny thing is, ghosting isn't new. We've heard throughout the years, "He just went out for a quick bite and never came back." But I agree with you, there are certain words that just become trendy. ("Disrespect" is one of those words that's over-used. Just my opinion.) Yes, ghosting is appalling behavior. I love what Dr. Vivianna says: "There's a special place in hell for people who ghost." Let's spend our time with those who are emotionally mature!

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Yes it's silent treatment.

[@JasonKale]

I got ghosted by my green card foreign wife of 5 yrs 9 years total. I can relate to all of this but they only ever wanted the green card and I saved this person's life...

[@RemyChausse]

9 years is a long time to be invested. So sorry you've had to go through this ...

[@nessauk2786]

You did a good thing x she didn't know a good thing .....you deserved better ...good luck with your future and a better match.

[@nicolecarnevale1071]

Ghosting is pretty cowardly to me….. Insensitive… Just weird. Why not explain whatever it is you feel? Such as “ I need space.” “ I love you but I’m unsure if I want this forever.” Or “ Hahaha! I faked caring about you! Later!” Since I would give anyone enough respect to say a temporary or permanent good bye, I don’t take responsibility for this rude dis. I recently met a person I am sure is very borderline and was ghosted. I felt relieved to wake up before something truly nasty 🤮 happened. A relationship involves give and take. Ghosting is confusing, insulting and leaves people confused, like what happened? Why did this once positive or so I thought, connection abruptly end? Or I lied Bye!!! If ghosted I would never take that person back no matter how casually.

[@zhmw]

This is very helpful. My 31 year old daughter with her 4 year old daughter (my grand-daughter) just packed and left and never told my husband and me that she was leaving. A few hours after she drove off, taking her young daughter with her, she send us a short text and then, turned off her phone. We are looking for them because our daughter has a history of doing drugs and we are very concerned about our young grand-daughter and if she is being properly cared for and if she is being emotionally neglected or abused. But police told us that grown children can leave if they want and since, our daughter has full custody of her daughter (bio father has never seen his daughter as he wanted an abortion) and told us our grown daughter doesn't have to communicate with us. But this isn't a healthy family relationship, my heart aches for both of them. I hope they can be found. It's been almost 6 months since they left and we have no idea if they are alive, healthy and safe.

[@RemyChausse]

My heart breaks for you, that's for sure. I'm not sure this would be considered ghosting behavior as much as it would be considered runaway behavior. There are some commonalities, though. Someone who ghosts is typically cowardly and immature, running away from intense feelings that they don't know how to process. Someone who is a runaway is also showing immature behavior that many classify as passive-aggressive. The reasoning is often the same ... intense feelings they don't know how to process. Drugs are super-common in these scenarios, and of course, drugs are often a means of coping for someone who simply hasn't been able to develop proper coping skills. No matter what the scenario is, ghosting (or runaway) behavior is still emotional abuse. It may not be intended that way, but we can only hope the person one day is able to develop the emotional maturity to realize the damage they've done so they can evolve in their own personal and spiritual growth. In the meantime, I hope you and your husband are doing everything you can for your own emotional well-being. And I hope you've reached out across every social platform possible to get the word out for your daughter and grand-daughter. Much love to you ...

[@mikesmith6594]

My father is a ghoster , manipulative cowardly bully , gives silent treatment etc .

[@jennaletizia5430]

Ghosted by a close family member and it’s been awful

[@VIDEOHEREBOB]

So,so true. I only hope the Ghosts are watching and listening.

[@Lobos00]

I got ghosted over a year Ago. I was bitter for a long time and it never actually made sense why she would do that. I’ve grown since then and since accepted that people don’t always care about you the way u care and they expose this by not communicating

[@RemyChausse]

Very well said. When something just doesn't make sense, that's often a sign that the other person may not hold values the same way we do ... which is why it doesn't make sense to us since we would never hurt another human being that way. Let's hang around people whose values are a little closer to ours!

[@Lobos00]

@@RemyChausse exactly! only value the ones who value you. I think when people accept that truth it is alot easier seeing things for what they are. Love is truly a drug

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

True. Hard truth to accept but that's it. Confusing part is that he told me a few days ago he wanted to have me around him. Then again ignores me for days and this time it feels different . Maybe he is gone 😢 He said he wants to build sonething beautiful together. That makes it extra confusing. Chance is he texts me after tte weekend but I am still suffering so either way it's poor treatment and a pattern.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Yes and it's ok for ppl to not care and move on but in many situations they say they love % want you and dissapear the next day. That makes it so strange and painful to me. He vanished after sending me a positive / loving voicemessage. I think he was playing my mind for 5 months. I feel hate and I never hate ppl but this one really hurts. The emotions are still fresh. I know it will fade soon but I will probably wonder sometimes who or what he was.

[@amelittaberretta9109]

I have been devastated by Ghosting!

[@claytonruble680]

from donnie My daughter has ghosted me with $236,000 approximately and apperantly. Nobody wants to talk about it. Im on my hospital bed in my living room, my only piece of furniture. Mark my best friend thinks im lying. It all stems from a fire on June 2nd 2018 they left me homeless for 26 months. Nobody checked on me. Instead of fixing my house completely with the insurance, she misappropriated funds as a power of attorney. I was supposed to ask her what she wanted me to do. She didn’t seem to respond as if I were dead.

[@RemyChausse]

Horrible that you've had to go through this. I'm sending boatloads of love your way ...

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

My God 😢 I'm so sorry how are you today? Hopefully you can reach out to a helpcenter for safety such like a safe house? Bc this seems to be domestic/ mental and financial abuse.

[@lindaeasley5606]

The person who ghosts you is not worth having in your life to begin with.It is very disrespectful and cruel .Only a low life would engage in this behavior

[@RemyChausse]

A low life, perhaps. We know these are the narcissists. But we also have to understand that some people are SO damaged by their own painful life experiences that their triggers simply don't allow them to understand what a healthy relationship is. So they run from life (read: they're running from their own emotions that they can't process). Either way, I agree 100%. It's cruel. The best we can do is develop discernment for who we will (and won't!) allow into our lives.

[@celestialsiren]

omg, that analogy she used around 11:30 was really powerful... 🥺😭💯👌🏼

[@RemyChausse]

Thank you for listening! Here's what Ava is talking about: "People who ghost are mostly focused on themselves. They've fallen into the Ego, thinking it's 'all about me me me.' Sometimes it's pure survival. Sometimes it's protection from being hurt again. Sometimes it's just immature thought patterns that haven't evolved yet. For people who are the ghoster, they're avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren't thinking one little bit about how it makes the other person feel. It may seem almost noble when the ghoster thinks, 'I can't be the man she needs.' Or it may even seem selfless because he's walking away from what he wants the most and that's painful for him, but he doesn't want to hurt her any more than he already has (noble???). It may even be that he feels like he's protecting his own heart. No matter how he justifies it, he's still avoiding his own emotional discomfort."

[@sitdownbehumble8675]

Unpopular opinion: Ghosting isn't always about the person's character flaws. It's not always "selfish" and "cowardly". Sometimes people ghost because of severe mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, etc. And putting people down this way is NOT helpful. It just makes them want to isolate themselves more and not interact with anyone, period.

[@lucybee3361]

Not trying to shame people who are suffering mental ill health. Its painful but you can sympathise but if there are underlying factors. No issue with someone saying this isnt what i want. My ex said that, i moved away from him and just focussed on myself and chilled out. in the interim he sent me a picture of him and his new gf via instagram. I ignored then he came back with a half apology acting like nothing had happened when i challenged him on his behaviour ghosted. I was happy in my space I was chilled I didn't need that drama. He has gone now. I am focussing on myself only way.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

The ppl who were sincere and kind to them are also suffering.

[@suzanneladue5828]

Cowardly and Immature

[@RemyChausse]

Yes, agreed! Ghosting is about the most cowardly and immature thing any person can do to another.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Yep and lazy and arrogant too.

[@davidcasillas285]

Thanks so much for this video. Abuse is spot on. Often unwarranted. Cowardly, classless, yes When this happens to you, let Karma do her work. I'm reminded of a Martin Luther King quote: 'The Arc of the Moral Universe is long, but it bends toward Justice.' My Recap. 5+ years, 2 people that/we're in their mid 50's. Mature Adults, right? As most love stories: Meet, love, future plans made, meet family/friends, etc., Total devotion, as is wow, 'where've you been all my life. Fast forward to end. A final trip together in Paris, she reminded me how great she felt to be loved so much. A week later, crickets-after promises made to one another. Not a word for months. Clue, she had gotten dumped by whom she had left me for. KARMA! So, I say, give it time and let Karma do her thing. We met in 2013, so 9 years later. She's tried minimum 7 times to sneak back into my life. Never once an explanation or a 'I'm sorry.' Hate to say this, but it's the truth. I've self-improved.Mother Nature hasn't been as kind to her. She's older, and it shows. Blessings, you bet. In the end, as of today I'm better off. I look and feel better. No regrets. I wouldn't go back if she had all the money in the World. Money can't buy happiness & TRUST. My gut had told me, when she ghosted me, it wasn't her first time. She had a few dress rehearsals, and I was the final act. Do the arithmetic, she's getting up there in years as me. However, I've gone from a 5 to a 8/9. Ego? You bet! I got Crushed, well no more. Now, my choices are plentiful as I date a wide range of women. Tragically, she can't. Most guys won't pursue a 60+ woman. Maybe you 'polish' up the face a bit, but we men aren't as forgiving to the lack of a nice body, sorry! In closing, abuse is a correct summary. Nobody deserves it. Grow up people and have the GUTS to be a decent human! 🙂

[@RemyChausse]

Totally agree that abuse is often unwarranted. The on-again-off-again that you've experienced definitely sounds like a karmic cycle. And the way we "win" over karmic cycles is to choose not to play. No pun intended ... but well-played in growing up (growing up to your greatness!) while others sometimes just don't seem to get it.

[@kazesensei4840]

As a scorpio I'm preparing something big to make her cry I'm just preparing when my mind is fully functioning I'll prepare karma

[@MJ-od5sh]

I have been stalked & harassed in the past & this was bad but ….. nothing compared to the pain of being ghosted 6 months into a relationship. We did not even argue. I didn’t sleep for 4 months threw the night. He did eventually reach out 5 months later very hostile & with evil projection ( I know he was appalled at his own behaviours)! His was not a genuine sorry with lame excuses about a bad arm . He then admitted i did nothing wrong & he had been dating someone else but “she had issues “. He’s So delusional & calmly said all this . He is always the victim. Am lucky I am out but a mature decent human would of given an explanation.

[@RemyChausse]

I know it can be tough, but I'm glad that you feel lucky to be out. The trick (or the lesson?) is to be able to spot one's character and say "adios" to those who are immature. As they say, damaged people DAMAGE. Let them go damage someone else, right?

[@YangUnchained]

We're you in a committed relationship (verbally agreed to monogamous relationship) or situationship? Also, did you try to reach out to him or were you just sitting there waiting for him to call?

[@diouranke]

Common behavior in our modern world sadly, meeting more people online now or people we have no prior connection too, it's easier to just vanish for some of them. It's also a big question mark, there is no closure, they kind of leave a door open. I think this can be especially traumatic for people who suffer with anxiety, or in LTR. Karmic debt is real though

[@RemyChausse]

Karmic debt is VERY real!

[@flyleelee5351]

Yes...I had a tarot reading done on the person who ghosted me 5 months ago and it said he's reaping some karma right now. I was like 😅

[@leawinters8172]

I just could not comprehend why he ghosted me..8 years being with him..the love and support he showered to me and my kids! Then he just vanished into air...no word from him even though i texted or called him many times. It is really devasting..for months. But Im a strong woman. I survived I moved on!!

[@RemyChausse]

I would have a tough time comprehending that, as well. 8 years???? It will always baffle me why people choose ghosting over all the other many, many more grown-up options that are available to them.

[@celiaescalante]

When my dear mother passed away, she didn't choose it, I gave her a loving eulogy and let her rest in peace. He just strung me along, kissed a woman in front of me, never made love to me, made me feel that he wanted anyone except me and made other women a priority to be too busy to contact me. He let me miss him so much that I would cry to sleep holding my pillow and moaning his name. That's painful. He treated me like his worst enemy. He was a pig.

[@RemyChausse]

So sorry you had to go through that. In times of crisis, people show their true colors, don't they? Sending you hugs ...

[@celiaescalante]

@@RemyChausse Thank you, Remy. 💖

[@DanielSelk]

People may say I was "wrong" for ghosting my best friend but I had confronted this problem several times over the last decade and it always came back to becoming friends again (and it had to be back to friends immediately and trust him 100% for him otherwise I'd never hear the end of his guilting me till I finally took him back) and the hurtful situation would happen again eventually. I felt after this last time he hurt me he didn't deserve a confrontation this time cause it wouldn't do any good, it wasn't getting to his head, and I had enough and I am NOT going through this again. NEVER again. And I've confronted him SEVEN times over the last decade over this. And our life will not be any different. The last two years we barely even saw each other (when we had definite opportunity to do so with the shut down) or did anything with each other and when we did it wasn't big or anything. Just a catch up and that's it. I've outgrown him and changed and he's still the same person he was a decade ago and probably expect the same me of 10 years ago. With that said if another person does this to me of course I'm confronting him as I should. But THIS situation I had to ghost cause if I didn't it wasn't going to stop and he wouldn't realize how much this was taking a mental heartbreaking toll on me every time it happened. He's out of my life. NEVER again.

[@RemyChausse]

I wouldn't call it ghosting (technically, yes, because communication stopped). I'd be inclined to simply call it "enough is enough and I'm DONE". Remember that ghosting is suddenly ending a relationship without warning or explanation. Sounds to me like there's been plenty of explanation over the years. Ghosting is most often deployed by cowards who lack maturity and communication skills. It's often a behavior or a practice, meaning, it's used over and over again. Doesn't seem to me like you're immature or cowardly! You simply know how to say "enough". I learned something HUGE from relationship coach Matthew Hussy. He said, "Only allow those people into your life who bring an equal investment of energy." Good for you holding that line!

[@monaaby369]

thank you! this is really helpful!

[@RemyChausse]

So glad to be of help

[@vibehigh5280]

What if you're the one who ghosted because they are the one's abusing you? And you know that even if you explain the situation they will still wont get it.

[@vibehigh5280]

You just walk away and ghost bec they are so exhausting.

[@RemyChausse]

I wouldn't call your actions "ghosting". Ghosting is ceasing all communication with a partner, friend, or co-worker without any apparent warning or justification ... and ignoring their attempts to check on your well-being because they're concerned. So this is definitely for established relationships where there's an investment made on both parts. Read that again, and focus on the words "well-being", "concern" and "investment made on both parts". These concepts don't exist in an abusive situation.

[@vibehigh5280]

@@RemyChausse thanks!

[@Werewolf0216]

It's definitely not ghosting if you are cutting ties due to someone's abuse...that's actually often the smartest and safest thing to do...because you're right, an abuser won't get it.

[@ch3ckm8]

It's not ghosting if there is a clear and established conflict. Ghosting is when everything seems to be going fine, but then one person suddenly stops communicating and ignoring you.

[@vertihvost7675]

It makes you stronger when someone is ghosting you! Makes you aware and prepares you for the next one😈

[@milliekozary5667]

Honestly why prepare for a next knock down… I don’t know if I have faith nor energy to trust another human with my feelings in a relationship? Good luck 🤞🏼

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

​@@milliekozary5667Same. I never felt this way and I have been hurt before but not through ghosting. This is my first experience and my trust feels really damaged. We didn't even meet but it still hurts a lot and keeps me wondering why and what he was. What I don't understand is, he sent me a sweet voicemessage and after that he vanished. Stopped replying.

[@gorillamax4872]

This was an excellent video!

[@AmaLoveGoddessTV]

When someone ghosts me from now on when they come back I'll agree to meet them somewhere then not show up. Then never communicate with them again. Then they will see how it feels.

[@karinling4773]

Avoidant attachment style is best 2021 when humanbeing is weirdos u do not Care

[@claytonruble680]

and she's also a CPA worried about losing her liscense Ex wife says nobody will buy my story I'm going to take a polygraph test this ghosting Is emotional and elderly abuse say they don't want to follow through with their job haven't seen my granddaughter for 4 years. nor grandson this is turned in by others who watch the relationship from a outer point of view I don't tattle tail its just the federal law and they don't follow through to see where the money went real professionals, but not really medicaid said I can't get my services unless I file suite against my daughter I didn't want to family reunion and I couldn't go because I missed fathers day. this has been terrible.

[@sharonvass8700]

Totally agree its very bad

[@AnneWhyte]

Thank you, God bless.

[@sagekevin6473]

Don’t let people tell you ghosting is bad if you’re in a toxic relationship .The person you ghosted knows fully well what they did and isn’t worth an explanation.

[@kresivarivkah612]

Why do you not understand that she was not talking about those situations?

[@sebastianfernandez5827]

I did ghost an ex before, and I do not feel bad about it. She disrespected me consistantly, talked about how her male friends were fantastic whenever she was with me and seeked attention from other men regularly. When I tried to address such issues, she would dismiss them right off the bat, saying our relationship "is perfect". I just got tired of being disrespected to my face and decided to drop her hard by ghosting. I made sure she was very attached before doing it. I would hope she'd learn it as a lesson of humility, but I don't think she will ever get it. Ladies, if it happens to you, take a hard look at your relationship : there were probably signs, but you wouldn't listen.

[@RemyChausse]

Just curious ... in looking back, how do you feel about making sure she was very attached before doing it? Was your intention to cause another human intense pain? Was your intention to finally be heard? Were you hoping she'd learn a lesson because you didn't have the strength to end it earlier when your gut was telling you it would never work out? The relationship aside, I'm just curious what you've learned about yourself and your choices from this experience?

[@sebastianfernandez5827]

​@@RemyChausse I am certainly not proud of it, I just felt as if it was the best course of action at the time to respond appropriately to the disrespect I had been subject to. I do not regret it, thought, as I would not regret putting down a predator deeming me as its prey. Yes, I did know in my gut it was not going to work out, but regardless, that does not justify her disrespect. It did not feel good to inflict pain, but it was warranted. What I did learn about myself, was to never put up from the get-go with such things, and to not waist precious time doing what I did again, as I could have used this time more productively. I'm a lot happier now.

[@RemyChausse]

@@sebastianfernandez5827 Good job in recognizing your "policies"! What I mean by that is this: I often use the example of Nordstrom. They have certain customer service policies that create a very loyal customer base. One of them is that you can return shoes after they've been worn. They know by experience that their customers will come back again and again because of this policy. We can have policies, as well, that will keep us healthy and strong. For instance, I dated a guy in my 20s who drank too much. He became verbally abusive, and once I finally found the courage to get out of it, I made a personal policy to never again date anyone who drank too much. And I never did. But it also taught me to spot abusers EARLY on, and just like you, to never put up with it from the get-go. I adopted a new policy sometime later that any other person (friend, lover, business partner, family member) who wanted to spend time with me would bring an equal balance of energy or it wasn't worth my own time investment. I know my own value, and if they don't see it, that's fine ... but then I'll have nothing to contribute. So that's another example. The invitation is this ... it might be a good time to reflect on what kind of personal policies you'd like to adopt, moving forward. As you reflect on different relationships, past and current, you can see what works (and what doesn't) and develop some policies that could serve you very well in the future. Good luck to you, and thanks for sharing your story!

[@sebastianfernandez5827]

Thank you for this good advice.

[@claytonruble680]

the polly graph examiner wants to know why? why do I want to take a polly graph exam well its because I am telling the truth and I want my name cleared on where I am and what I know. and I want some records. I ask that someone step forward and assist me in any way possible legal, emotional or anything.

[@Werewolf0216]

I have a complicated circumstance where a longtime friend of mine, whom I had had a romantic relationship with in our earlier years of knowing each other, came to me to get away from an abusive current boyfriend. She stayed at my house and we grew intimate again, closer than we'd ever been. However, eventually she started to relapse back to the abusive guy. Strangely her PTSD that had gotten so severe due to his physical and mental abuse was activated toward me when I expressed alarm and concern of her slipping back to him. I realize she was having some aspects of trauma bond with him which can also result in acting defensive of the abuser and hostile toward anyone concerned with the victim's welfare. She returned fully to him and blocked me. In her trauma she reacted very cruelly to me, essentially transferring all her contempt for him onto me. She then refused to discuss any of this with me, or hear about my hurt. If I asked to talk, asking if we could talk in a spirit of compassion toward each other, she still acted like I was the bad one and acted panicked by me...which perhaps was more she was terrified of his reaction to her if he knew about me (she hadn't told him she had stayed with me). So, on one hand I can understand her refusal to speak with me because she is used to being abused in a situation of intense emotions. And she was likely in trauma afraid of his reaction should he find out. So, I strive to have compassion toward her. Still, I feel a deep spiritual injury in my psyche as well as continuing to be concerned for her welfare. This isn't exactly ghosting on her part as I knew she was slipping back to him...still she refused to discuss anything between us and blocked me which had an affect of ghosting anyway...so I feel discarded as if I had no further value...yet I worry about further harm to her because of his control over her. It's not cut and dry to say she ghosted me because there may be an element of her being brainwashed.

[@RemyChausse]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, and it probably won't surprise you to know that I've heard this story so many times before. You have an awesome insight into your own situation, and a very level head. This will help you more than you may realize! It sounds to me like you already know quite a bit about PTSD, as well as trauma bonds. These triggers can be immensely difficult to overcome, which is why we hear the phrase "Damaged people damage." When their warning bells are constantly going off, they're often stuck in survival mode and trying to protect themselves rather than making choices to design a life they'd love. It's difficult for us, because we can see the situation so clearly. One perspective that I hope you'll consider is that of a karmic relationship. It's where most of our patterns come from, and what we most need to heal. She's feeling an overwhelming magnetic pull between them because of the spiritual healing that's taking place … something she signed up for before she came into this life. If those two are under a sacred contract, there's not much to do but allow it to play out. If she gets through it, she'll come out a better person. If not, she'll keep repeating that pattern, and sadly, this is not something you'll want in your world. In a karmic relationship, the bottom line resolution is always to step outside of that "circle of chaos." It's a matter of having enough perspective to see there are two playing fields in front of us: One is a field that's full of good feelings and joy, while the other is a field that's full of chaos. Karma is offering a choice, to uncover who we really are at our core as a spiritual being. Our task is to bless the other person, and wish them a happy life, while disallowing the chaos that isn't an energy match for who we are or who we're meant to be. Simple, but not easy because we can't usually "see" what we're supposed to learn. But this is what will resolve a karmic relationship, each and every time. This is a choice she'll have to make for herself, for her own spiritual growth. She may not be ready to step into her own light yet. It simply may be too bright for her! Offering compassion is what she absolutely needs right now, and in offering that, it'll probably do a lot to soothe your heart, as well. With an eye on this perspective, what's your best course of action?

[@Werewolf0216]

@@RemyChausse Thank you very much for your in-depth reply; that's very kind. You have an interesting perspective. Though I don't exactly understand what you mean by karmic relationships yet, often it seems there is this phenomenon in romantic relationships where the other is representative of traumas and dynamics of our family of origin that we need to heal. This is an aspect of PTSD where to recover we feel we must master the situation that caused the trauma. I know her father was neglectful, cold, and abandoning -- and her mother was not any better...eventually she and her siblings went into foster care. She has only ever been with abusive men except for me. This now is the second time in 9 years where she and I started to grow more intimate, but the first time she abruptly got with a guy who turned out abusive, because he was a more familiar type and it was like she had to put a wedge between us. Then the second time with this second guy, she had some moments of clarity where she knew she should get away from him and wanted to come back to me...and we grew closer than the first time...but then she gravitated back to the abusive guy and even turned on me like I was the bad one.. But it is like she is determined that with this current guy who has similar dynamics of traumas she grew up with...this must be resolved/corrected. However, I see also where she represents traumas of my childhood where my mother was abused by my father and other uncanny similarities. So, it is like I want her to have a better life that my mom did not have, and I want to be a better man than my dad was...so then I feel this conviction like she and I have a sacred contract and this is all wrong that she went back to him. Because we too have had gravitational pull. Anyway, there is much more to our story than what I've written in these two comments, but this is the gist of it. It looks like you have some interesting videos I plan to watch...and I see you have some on the concept of manifesting. I came across several manifesting channels in my studies of PTSD and abuse, and healing relationships, etc. I really would like to manifest her back to me and us each better versions of ourselves. Not sure what your take on that is. Also, I have heard the idea that we choose our life challenge before being born onto this Earth...and it is an interesting idea...but I'm not sure we could actually know with certainty that is how it works. Well thank you very much. I'll learn more about karmic relationships and see what I think of it.

[@Werewolf0216]

@@RemyChausse Oh. To answer your question, what's my best course of action? I'm not sure...I feel lost. In the time since she went back to him, it got additionally complicated but it is too much to explain here. Just that I am blocked by her because I'm seen as a threat now, when I'm never one who would hurt her purposely, and certainly never as he has. Yet, I have learned all these things about my own and her issues and how they are related, and it is so frustrating to not be able to speak with her so she can also have a greater understanding. I feel like if she heard the insight I've gained into both of us through my studies and therapy, it would be enlightening to her...but how do I reach her now if she's put up blocks? My therapist is very wise and philosophical. He says I've been on a hero's journey...and I did see you have a video on that, which is interesting.

[@RemyChausse]

@@Werewolf0216 Karmic relationships are just another pattern with a longer timeline, going back one or more lifetimes. Abusive patterns can come from this lifetime, or they can come from another lifetime (more difficult to heal because we're so blind!). But that's exactly my point. It doesn't matter whether we EVER find out what needs to be healed ... the bottom line of a karmic relationship is to step away from the chaos and choose joy instead. Interesting how that can be said for present life relationships, too ... eh? In these situations where we have such a magnetic pull, it can be a challenge. And that's why keeping an eye on this perspective helps. We're using a muscle we aren't used to using! It’s all about discernment and CHOICE. We’re so good at discernment, but don’t always make the choice toward a happier energy. But everything we go through in this life is about making choices toward who we are at our spiritual center. (You might like this episode: remychausse.com/discernment-and-choice/ ) I had a client one time in one of these karmic relationships. Through a past life regression, she realized that she had stabbed him to death with a butcher knife on this grand staircase. So even though he was incredible abusive to her in this lifetime, she couldn’t help herself. She had this magnetic pull to try and make things right because she had taken his life before. It turns out (as it does in every karmic relationship) she had to learn that she was worth so much more than to be caught up in the cycle of abuse. THAT’S what the relationship was teaching her. But boy, she had a lot of trouble getting through it. Not everyone can pinpoint which lifetime or which pattern or which block they’re looking for. The ONLY thing that matters is that we face our spiritual growth full-on and become more of who we’re meant to be. (And it often has nothing to do with a relationship with the other person ... they’re just our catalyst.) She may never get this. She may keep going through pattern after pattern. Did you ever see the movie War Games? The computer was playing against itself to destroy the world. And the humans had to figure out a way to stop a machine that was already programmed. But Matthew Broderick (child genius in the movie!) said to just step back. The computer had to “learn” that it was impossible to win the game. It did … and everyone lived happily ever after. We have the same computer in our brains. And we’ll keep going through these identical patterns until we learn. Not everyone gets through it! As far as manifesting her back to you, I totally understand. And it isn’t impossible, however, it’s mighty tricky! For one thing, we have another person’s energy and they have free will on this planet. Nobody … not God or all the Angels … can violate free will. So she may stumble forever and a day. The second thing is that when we’re manifesting, when something is “everything” to us, we can put an awful lot of resistance on the situation. And per the Law of Attraction, well, that never works. So, two very tricky circumstances. But what you CAN do with absolute success is simply send her a compassionate energy. Send her all the love you can. Wish her all the best. And then stay centered in YOUR own soul development ... Because we’re “all one” in unity, you’ll be healing her as well as yourself. And she’ll get it vicariously. She’ll get it through your soul connection REGARDLESS of what’s happening in the physical world. But in trying to manifest the relationship into a better place, you could very well end up repelling it instead. And I’m sure that’s the last thing you’d want! So work on YOU, and that will create an invitation for her to rise up. She’ll feel it through the ethers. Now, she may not be ready to step up … but either way, you’ll be fulfilling YOUR side of the sacred contract for your soul’s growth and to become more of who you’re meant to be. Have you read “Living the Law of One - The Choice”? It’s excellent, and will guide you on a spiritual journey that’s unbelievable. You can find free download copies on the internet. But fair warning: It’s woo-woo! So put on your spiritual woo-woo eyes and get ready for a beautiful awakening. (Start here for a short introduction on the concepts: remychausse.com/perfect-timing/ ) That book will also answer a lot of your questions about whether we’re born into this life to work on specific challenges.

[@RemyChausse]

@@Werewolf0216 Yes, I agree with your therapist that you may be on a hero’s journey. But it may also be HER hero’s journey, and you’re the catalyst who’s stepped into service for HER growth. This is one of the reasons I often say, “Don’t let anything affect you psychologically, emotionally, or spiritually.” Yeah, easier said than done! But in these situations where we’re in service to someone else, it can go a long way to keeping our own energy healthy. I think you’ll enjoy my recent episode on the hero’s journey, because it has more of a take on our own spiritual awakening. As far as being lost on your current course of action, I’m hoping my reply above (as well as whatever your therapist is recommending that’s really resonating for you) is creating a little to-do list for you. Believe me when I say that I hear your story every single day … you aren’t alone in this, and feel free to reach out anytime.

[@katherinegrace6608]

Theright man never "comes along." That is a hollywood fantasy.

[@nirmaladrieskens4338]

Great video❤️❤️❤️ I ghosted a “Mega Star” for 6 years. 😅😅😅Hij made still beautiful songs. 😘We still likes each other😊

[@johnayala2540]

I'm so glad to have found this channel. I didn't realize that I've caused harm to people that I've ghosted. I have a dear friend for over 10 years. I thought we were going to grow old together. We were so close that it felt like we were twin brothers. His wife is also a good friend of mine and I'm the godfather of their 2 kids. Few months ago I discovered that he lied to me that went on for about a year for something important to me and I felt betrayed but I have forgiven him even if he didn't apologize because I didn't want to carry negativities. However, no matter how much I've tried to forget and to moved on, I can't get over the feeling of betrayal. It pains me to cut my friendship with him and his family. His mother and siblings are also my friends. They all have sent me messages but I didn't bother to read it because I knew that they want me to continue our friendship based on the letter of one of the siblings, she apologized to me for her brother but I still can't get over the feeling of betrayal. I ghosted them not to harm them, but because I was totally turned off and disgusted by my friend's character. Perhaps time heals but few months later, I still have no desire to communicate or have a discussion why I decided to cut off my ties with them. I didn't say a word. I just disappeared like I evaporated in thin air. But I didn't know that it was wrong to disappear without saying anything. I figured, if he valued our friendship he would not have lied to me, needlessly..

[@RemyChausse]

Insight is a wonderful thing! This is one of the reasons that I wanted to include a little bit in this episode on what to do if we're the one who ghosted someone else. Whether you decide to reach out again or not, I'm at least glad to hear that this channel is resonating for you. Thank you for letting me know, and I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do ...

[@johnayala2540]

@@RemyChausse thanks for your response. Your channel resonates to people because it's so insightful when relationships are being discussed, may it be romantic or platonic friendships. I think next to basic human needs like food & shelter, relationship is one of the most important things in life. I can't imagine life without meaningful friendships. One of the most beautiful feelings is to be surrounded with good & faithful friends. But, one of the greatest pains is a betrayal of a trusted friend who's so dear to us especially when you also have to cut your ties with the rest of your friend's family because you don't want to be reminded of that person. It's always been my fantasy to be able to completely delete painful memories so not to have any recollections of it...but unfortunately, we have no control over our memories and we remember and the pain continues. Time heals but it doesn't completely take away the pain but I've learned to live with it. Forgiveness lessens the pain but it's not the same anymore. The fear of getting burnt again will always be there...for me anyway. The extent of the pain caused by being lied to is severe and lasting. Betrayal is an ugly feeling and I do my best not to betray anyone because I know the pain it could bring especially to people dear to us.

[@RemyChausse]

@@johnayala2540 I think you've hit the nail on the head. If I had a nickel for every time someone betrayed me and I thought, "Mental Note: Don't ever do that to someone else" I'd be a bzillionaire! Too many people go into blame and get "stuck" in that emotion. You've found a way to use your experience to expand your perspective so you can grow from it and not inadvertently hurt others. You know, when I was in my 20s I found myself in a relationship with a guy who was a drug addict. I never had drugs or alcohol in my family so I didn't know what I was dealing with. When I came out on the other side of it, I looked at the damage that was caused and simply decided to never be involved with someone who abused drugs or alcohol again. And I never did. The last thing we need is to repeat patterns over and over again! You've brought up some good points about forgiveness and betrayals. Since you're into a magnificent journey of spiritual growth and development, here are 2 episodes that you just might love -- remychausse.com/compassionate-choices/ remychausse.com/discernment-and-choice/

[@johnayala2540]

@@RemyChausse thank you for the links. I agree with most of it, however, to love without conditions or expectations, I don't agree with that at all. I will never attain such pointless martyrdom in my lifetime because I do have expectations. Even God has expectations. “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” --St. Luke 10:27 I'm just an ordinary man, a mediocre at best, but I'm certain that when I love a person, may it be romantic or platonic friendship, my expectations were not to be betrayed or be disrespected at the very least. I believe in mutual love, trust, loyalty and respect, and without those basic "ingredients" of true friendship, there's no point of being friends. True friendship is always a two way street. One-sided friendships can leave you miserable, confused and hurt. Who would want that?

[@RemyChausse]

@@johnayala2540 Yes, I used to think the same thing. And then as I continued to expand my perspective, and study the concept a little bit closer, it began to make more and more sense to me. I would never ask anyone to believe what I believe ... my goal is to present ideas that make my listeners think and decide what's right for them 💙

[@johnbingaman3645]

Dated a girl for two months straight, everything was going great, kissed her goodnight never saw her again no explanation I tried texting her three days later no response nothing she went back to her ex-boyfriend found out 4 months later she lived a distance from me so I would just call or text she would never answer, it is rotten and cruel especially when you have such a good connection, I would never do that to somebody ghosting, just tell them what you're going to do

[@RemyChausse]

I agree ... it's especially cruel when you have such a good connection. Even a poor explanation is better than no explanation! Or just a simple, "I don't know why, and it seemed like it might have been a good connection, but I'm truly just not feelin' it."

[@johnbingaman3645]

@@RemyChausse just beware of people on a rebound you're just being used, until their exes come back and then you're out

[@johnbingaman3645]

@@RemyChausse I listened to your video again, it is a cruel disrespectful way to end something that went so good, and she had no character to do that, that bothered me for a couple of years after that it's a shame people do that but that's the world of today, plus they don't want any confrontation or tell you anything oh, I found out on my own she went back to her ex, and you said they're damaged people, she actually said she was damaged goods told me to my face, and when somebody tells you who they are you must believe it

[@RemyChausse]

@@johnbingaman3645 That's a brilliant recognition! If someone says they're damaged, take that at face value. I love how Tyler Perry's character "Madea" puts it: Some people are like leaves from a tree, and they blow in the wind without taking root. Others are like the branches, often appearing supportive, but they break so easily (or are already broken and can't support anything). What we want is the people who show a strong foundation ... like the roots of a tree. This means they're intro growth, support, and they provide a solid foundation for things to blossom. This experience is bringing a magnificent opportunity to set some policies. And what I mean by that is that Nordstrom has a customer service policy for returning shoes even when they're worn ... or for not putting up Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving. We can also set policies, for instance, asking someone on a first date if they consider themselves a free spirit (a leaf that blows in the wind) ... a branch (they enjoy being supportive but are a little broken themselves) ... or do they consider themselves as someone who will provide roots and a solid foundation for something to grow. That first answer on a first date could be very telling! It can become a personal policy to only get involved in a relationship with a well-rooted person, giving better odds for growing together.

[@johnbingaman3645]

@@RemyChausse thank you for your reply, it almost makes you not trust any one to date anymore ... because you think you have the right person, an she just drops you like you were nothing , if I could show you all the texts and the phone calls she sent,,, you would say how does this happen , her actions were so sincere then just gone in a heartbeat❤

[@michaelz9892]

Good and helpful video.

[@RemyChausse]

Thank you for watching!

[@lesjones9787]

I love how the ghoster is the bad guy.....somehow. If I get to the point where I want to ghost someone, they already know why. If they don't, then I have NO obligation or desire to explain to them the boundary they crossed.

[@RemyChausse]

Thank you for your feedback. People often ghost to avoid their own emotional pain. But I also agree that sometimes when we're done, we're done, and both parties know it's coming to an end. These are two completely different scenarios ... This episode is about the cruelty of ghosting ... as it relates here, when someone we love and trust disengages from us with no explanation at all, it can create a spiritual injury. That's what causes emotional abuse, and often trauma. So whether both people know it's coming to an end, or whether there's a sudden and intentional departure ... no one is beneath common courtesy. Even expressing, "I have nothing left to say, but I wish you every happiness" leaves both parties with closure (and a clear path forward). And that's a position of strength, rather than inadvertently creating pain for another person. We want to leave them in a position where they can grow out of their own psychosis, rather than adding to it. I agree that we may have no obligation to re-explain the boundaries they've crossed, and I also believe that a little grace goes a long way toward assisting in the growth of another soul, even if it's only in a small way. After all, they're here to break their patterns and become a better person ... and I think what you're saying here is that under no circumstances should we become responsible for THEIR journey, because it's their choice to fail or succeed on their path.

[@watitduful]

Within context, how could they know and have an idea if you never expressed what boundary it was they crossed?

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

In that case it's ofcourse legitime but you probably did not love bomb them one day before vanishing. A ghoster who is manipulative or at least selfish that's what it's about.

[@ShermanWilliamsVideo]

You know what they say, everything before the word but is true and everything after is bs. Her first sentence tells you all you need to know.

[@decafmocha211]

Yes it is

[@rmmm329]

This is interesting. I have been out with a few women who have not looked like they did in their profiles. So after going out once, instead of telling them I’m not attracted to you, I just didn’t talk to them anymore. Is that bad? I think you’re talking about ghosting someone you’ve been seeing for a little while, right? And to clarify, I would tell them if they reached out and asked me why. They never talked to me again either though.

[@RemyChausse]

Hi, Ry - ghosting is ceasing all communication with a partner, friend, or co-worker without any apparent warning or justification ... and also ignoring their attempts to check on your well-being because they're concerned. So this is definitely for established relationships where there's an investment made on both parts. Thanks for bringing some clarification to this thread!

[@Werewolf0216]

Never talking again to someone you went on one date with is no big deal if all you did was talk.

[@wilson8979]

No that’s fine. You did nothing wrong. If they reach out to you, then go ahead and explain that you were not attracted to her and leave it at that. Delete her number

[@katherinegrace6608]

The only time this happened to me was when I dated a guy who did nit have a college education. Wow, really?.. Nothing left to say, I NEVER TALK TO STUPID PEOPLE.

[@RemyChausse]

Yes, and the trick is to recognize their character before getting in too deep ... good for you!

[@latonyadavis3134]

How can you resolve your trauma if it is conflicting with religious beliefs that tell you to STAND for your covenant spouse. To remain seperate or be reconciled. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

[@RemyChausse]

Hi, LaTonya - I struggled with this, myself. Then someone asked me the question, "If your partner broke the covenant of marriage, why would you be required to stay in the marriage?" It's a personal decision for each of us, but for me, I couldn't stay in a partnership with someone who wasn't making an equal investment in the beliefs we once held together. If we aren't growing together, then we're growing apart, right? (In other words, if I'm unable to grow because I'm following your broken covenant, then am I decreasing my spiritual worth?) At the end of the day, we have to square with ourselves whether we want to continue growing, or whether we'll allow someone else to pull us off our spiritual growth journey. (And if our strength and stability inspires that person to step up, all the better.) Your question was about how to STAND for your covenant spouse ... and I'm suggesting that standing for a higher power just might be more important 💛

[@latonyadavis3134]

@@RemyChausse The Bible KJV teaches that only death breaks the Covenant. My covenant spouse is involved in an adulterous marriage. Trying to walk in peace regardless of what he's doing. I do thank you for making g me aware to put my focus on Standing for the Lord is much appreciated advice. Thanks.

[@RemyChausse]

@@latonyadavis3134 It's a VERY personal decision! So glad I could offer some insight ...

[@isabelmariereynolds]

This is good

[@RemyChausse]

Thank you!

[@opallight8069]

I disagree. Manipulators and dangerous people can rope you back in if you try and give them an explanation as to why you want to end things.

[@schneewittchen5144]

...but this is not ghosting. You have to find out what is ghosting and what is self protection. ....Ghosting is the behaviour which is not clear because there was no abuse or conflict. Ghosting is when one has a good relationship/friendship and no clear conflicts. One day you sit with them in cinema, talk two hours on phone or meet them in the restaurant and everything is okay....and the next day they do not answer you anymore - never ever again. Without conflicts! That is ghosting. The other Part do not know one reason, why the ghoster is sad or angry and they do not explain it....that is absolutly painfull for the other Part.

[@christinepolacek1116]

Never mind all this psycho babble ; just get revenge … and serve it cold // should I create my own blog with ideas that won’t land you in jail. Example; ruin their reputation… stop being so lady like and whimpy .., be ballsy Don’t like what I say ; then stay in pain Do not listen to stupid therapists .. they are making truck loads of $$$$ off your pain . Be clever and get revenge !!!

[@sugarandspice2136]

😢

[@maxximiz3]

Why do you keep referring to the "ghoster" as him, his he or just a male. Women ghost also.

[@RemyChausse]

That isn't intentional on my part ... if someone leaves a comment and reflects a gender of the ghost, then that's what I go with!

[@mgw4205]

Because society always portrays men as cheaters and abusers especially physical. A lot of abuse comes from women especially emotional...I think women invented ghosting lol but then again it's always a man's fault.

[@user-yv1fh3fc8y]

You are wrong with your blanket statement. Ghosting is simply a derogatory term for walking away from toxic people. Some people have been murdered because their significant other told them they were leaving. Although this is an extreme example there are degrees of retribution for people who leave. Ghosting: when things are better left unsaid or when there’s nothing left to say. Think about it.

[@RemyChausse]

Actually, Oxford Dictionary defines ghosting as "Ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication." Merriam Dictionary defines it as "Abruptly cutting off all contact with someone by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, instant messages". Ghosting has nothing to do with toxic relationships in this application, and everything to do with communication. Ghosting is a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty. Proper communication could be, “I have nothing more to say, and I wish you all the best”, and it very gracefully closes the chapter for both parties (without any unnecessary abuse or spiritual injury). In this episode, I'm referencing people who aren't capable of a healthy relationship, and that's the reason they've ghosted. Their level of cowardice and immaturity hasn't allowed them to Use. Their. Words. It's a narcissistic level of selfishness for how they're harming a fellow human being that could use an upgrade in compassion. (Ghosts often have no awareness of the level of trauma they're leaving in their wake; their selfishness comes from a place of me-me-me as their perspective has not yet grown to include a love for humanity.) This episode was produced with the goal of helping someone who's been emotionally abused and is having trouble making sense of what's happened.

[@user-yv1fh3fc8y]

@@RemyChausse so you don’t think I’m ghosting you. I’m done. Is that better?

[@RemyChausse]

@@user-yv1fh3fc8y Oh, I'm laughing so hard!!!! Yes, yes, yes!!!!

[@katherinegrace6608]

WTF are you talking about?

[@TawnH1]

It's very immature and cowardly.