Go to Therapy or We're Over feat. David So | Lovers and Friends Ep. 36

When was the last time your significant other gave you an ultimatum? When was the last time you gave them an ultimatum?
In this episode, Shan sits down with Comedian, Actor, and Filmmaker, David So. He breaks down what led him to this breaking point and ultimately how this ultimatum impacted their relationship.... for better or worse?
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[@elvisjoelle]

“it’s not that she’s a bad person or i’m a bad person. we were just speaking two different languages” YES

[@JavierSantos08]

Get Mariel on HURRRR! By herself & a segment with them both would be dope!

[@TF-tn4ft]

Would love to see that-- great idea.

[@haydeerobles7166]

Her side of the story

[@indira2484]

We love David! He’s so articulate, self-aware, mature and relatable. Fantastic guest

[@eliediaz]

Crazy how much our childhood traumas plays a part in our adult relationships.

[@nicolegallant4717]

Shan, if there is one thing I have learned from you is listening to other peoples 'whatever they're going through' and not projecting yours onto them. And that takes a lot. I continue to learn from you and your guests. Thank you so much. It doesn't sound like a mouthful but it is so helpful. Thank you.

[@lexd9805]

David made me laugh so hard. I’m happy for him and that he was able to make amends

[@ChanelStar1]

*I've definitely given an ex this ultimatum. Him talking to his pastor cousin who would then judge him and tell the family his business was no longer enough. I'm like baby you need help processing. Prayer isn't enough you have to do the work.*

[@Chococat_Ariana]

🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌Preach🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 (Pun not intended)

[@taniapinedo4905]

David is such an articulate person.. its very captivating to hear him talk . Loved this episode with David

[@cyraoh6420]

This honestly was the best episode I’ve seen. My partner and I are SO SO similar to David and Mariel…and it has put so many things into perspective, just amazing and eye opening

[@hightunnel2723]

I relate to David so much and I never knew it. I’m constantly self-assessing cause I grew up a certain way and I’m still learning things that are okay and not okay. It’s not something I consciously do inside my mind, it’s something I tell myself which is “I’m not always right, how do I keep an open mind and be receptive to the people who love me” This helps develop my perspective at different angles and one of the best realizations of my life. Truly

[@chelsearenae9384]

Shan, you look absolutely gorgeous!!!!!!!!

[@cathybrown5383]

David and Shan! The ultimate duo!

[@chrisbaltazar7164]

Quick little critique i have for you is to put time stamps 7:55 anyone looking when the pod starts

[@cerebralraven]

What a lovely episode. Please bring him back! He is just so honest

[@BlueNoteGaming_]

It’s like Shan is interviewing my KZbin Best Hits playlist lol 😂

[@jjaneth23]

Shan I am so happy that you have had the opportunity to travel and work and had the privilege to take your family with you and that you are doing what you love! Very inspiring! Been a silent follower for years makes me proud and makes me wanna get off the couch and work.

[@ailynnmckae1130]

Hi Shan, I hope you are cutting yourself some slack and celebrating every step you take whether you see it big or small. You are truly talented and I am thankful of your podcast. I watch so many episodes and somehow you manage to light up each guest and avoid awkward moments which genuinely is a talent and skill. Enjoy Columbia and your family, don’t feel guilty for taking care of your self and your loved ones!

[@brianasilaphet]

I have never resonated with a podcast episode currently more than this one. You spoke facts in your opening prelude and your reference to Will Smith's gardener/flower analogy was amazing!! Thank you for such an insightful episode

[@lexd9805]

Shan I support your new shift it’s exactly where you are suppose to be. Praying nothing but blessings over your family ❤️

[@harmowknee]

I've always loved me some David! Whew baby, so many things mentioned here that I have inspired me to look into because this was brutally honest in the most beautiful way.

[@dtwizt]

Alot of these things stem from that CONTROLLING ASPECT...JUST BECAUSE ITS HOW YOU SEE IT DONT MEAN THATS HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE

[@BriVanessa]

100 percent!

[@NotAMuse]

I love David!!! The collaboration I never knew I needed! 😍

[@EvolvingMama_]

Thoroughly enjoyed this 🙌🏾 I love seeing David solo. He’s as emotionally intelligent as he is hilarious 😄 I gave my husband the same plea for many years. Yeahhhh didn’t go well. Single mom of 3 now😅 fast forward a year later and we’ve been In individual therapy which helps with coparenting🤞🏾 I wish we would have gone 10 years ago 😮‍💨 ETA : Also I love your self reflection at the end Shan 🫂 when you said “my kids” 🥲 these are the golden years in childhood, don’t blink 💓

[@amberelmlone]

Lovers and Friends podcast helps me grow in wisdom and knowledge. Going into 10 yrs of marriage, I have grace with myself as I continue to learn, I have been the person being told to get help while my partner was only wanting me to grow and be a beautiful flower and I did eventually when I let go of fear. Beautifully told story, great articulation of relationship and dependency. Wow thank you!

[@leahlewis1345]

You give really judgment free interviews that allow the audience to engage with their sense of self, reflect and create a plan for the way forward and for that thank you. You are really doing a good deed! All the episodes I have watched are loaded with real, raw, authentic substance for thought provoking change.

[@44nk96]

Why is this hilarious man not on the podcast more often? I love him instantly!

[@danielle743]

he has his own its called genius brain!! its soooo good too

[@yumi1264]

He also has a food show with tim « delaghetto » called send foodz and a podcast with him called dudes behind the food. Would recommend

[@ebonyqueen86]

Thank you for this episode with David. Love the raw real honest conversations. And Shan you are seeing that as women we can’t do it all and have a family without there being some type of sacrifice. I know the struggle. I hope you find the right balance for you and your family.

[@dominique5562]

I can soooo relate to David.. so dependent on others to feel value. I gotta find me! 😅

[@OSeeingUOut]

I love David So, Im glad new people are being introduced to him.

[@happygucci5094]

Shan you are an absolute force of nature. I greatly admire the woman you are, the courage,authenticity, empathy and fierce intelligence you have is so powerful. You inspire me to want more for my life. So good. Much love to you and your family 💗

[@44nk96]

We love you, Shan ❤️ Strength is not shown in your ability to stand still, it’s revealed in your capacity to bend. 💪

[@rilyb4033]

Something I've learned as a mother and woman, it is that we have different seasons in life. In some seasons we need priorities our family, in other seasons we focus priorities work or projects. We get to have it all but not at the same time and that is ok we don't need to go insane juggling all these aspects of our lives at the same time.

[@lisasiawild5816]

Commenting for the algorithm because I want you to win. You look beautiful, and your content is so valuable.

[@marleyofficialmedia]

Gardener and Seed... that hits so deep, I love it.

[@mopedboy07]

I love hearing and watching david so. Also thank you for having him on.

[@thegamingkitchen8429]

Therapy means nothing. Therapy and then acting on it is the change.

[@IHappyChicken]

David is so wise!

[@lexilion16]

Ever since you mentioned having David on the podcast I've been WAITING on this episode. I love David and you and this has been such an amazing and insightful conversation to listen to. So thank you, Shan for that ❤️ On your revelation for how you'd like to shift your focus. I have no real advice as I've never had to make this call. But you are valid in wanting to focus more on your little ones and your family! You give us so much great content, I love how researched and open minded and self aware you are. How you take on accountability for yourself and aren't afraid to be wrong and we all get to learn together. But you don't owe us anything. You have been a powerhouse for YEARS, you are an incredibly intelligent woman and while I'm sure it must be a little daunting, I'm confident that you will hit your stride in finding a balance that feels right FOR YOU. We will adjust with you. Much love!

[@laurenthomas3748]

I knew David would sneak a few jokes in here! Thanks for sharing this story, David. You’re silly, but still insightful. Another great podcast! 👍🏾

[@Forreminiscing]

He does sound like someone who can’t admit when they’re wrong lol

[@staygroovybritt]

Lol Thanks for introducing me to David. He is awesome. I’ve began to check out some of his content. He is just the right amount of asshole 😂 Love it!

[@AozoraUltra2006]

I was listening to david and muriel podcast early-ish pandemic. I always wondered why they stuck together because they sound so over each other. This cleared things up a lot.

[@AshleyJones-yu2vf]

This was a great episode! And I feel everything you stated about balancing motherhood and your career.

[@MsMizz1]

Shan loved this episode! When introducing the diagram you prefaced it with smthg like “let’s take a healthy relationship.” It reminded me of Dr. Nikki Coleman.Can you bring her on to talk about what makes a relationship healthy or any topic the 2 of you agree to?

[@jae6506]

That conversation was 💯

[@NewBlueTrue]

I just need to give David a compliment. He’s got great skin. He must really take care of himself.

[@Notime_4thewicked65]

Asian ppl always have nice skin lol

[@worn8982]

The thing about being disastrous instead of just saying someone hurt my feelings is me. What a revelation

[@JaieElizabeth]

I love this ultimatum Lol it’s so necessary sometimes.. especially when you’re not a trained professional lol

[@eilaalmeida39]

I loved this episode! David is so articulate and self-aware! I also loved hearing about your realization that you want to spend more time with your kids and the challenge of how you can honour this truth when your current work setup doesn't make that easy. I am so glad you've been able to pinpoint what your heart is calling you to do and be at this point in your life, and I can't wait to see what this looks like for you!

[@alexandriayoung]

“I’ll keep all these f*ckn cupboards open” 🤣🤣🤣

[@DamnAwesome]

David was awesome!

[@AngieSmiles123]

lmao I saw the thumbnail and title and instantly thought “these two aries are about to spit some hard truth” 😂

[@TheAlreadytaken24]

truthfully i do think the guy in this video is a breathe of fresh air.. he can actually hold a conversation which is amazing.. he is charming.. and super raw and honest.. 👏👏 I definitely like this interview .. but i do disagree with therapy.. in some ways.. some places can actually cause or give you more trauma.. or advise you to try medications that you do not at all need or gaslight you in ways.. or diagnose you with something that is not true but they didn't take the time..I had a friend that went to therapy and let's just say this friend is no longer here.. (but he did say search around referring to the guy in the video) so that part i do agree with but you have to be extremely careful because if you don't fully know who you are .. these therapist can manipulate and make things far more worst.. i will say first do the self work on you.. then once you truly know you.. then probably go to therapy.. to polish or buffer some habits .... . for minorities whether mixed, black, mexican, asian etc.. make sure your therapist can RELATE to you and understand YOU and your life and your experiences.. because someone can misjudge you due to their TEXTBOOK knowledge or how they grew up and they may have not experienced certain traumas you experienced yet for them to determine why you feel or think the way you do.. but overall great video

[@pebblez_]

Damn thanks for da info

[@Modnyy]

The timing of this episode … so needed for me

[@kat7203]

I loved this episode. I've been feeling so many similar feelings and this made me feel like I wasn't alone! Always love your content Shan

[@msjayycec6096]

Never clicked on a video so fast! Love David, please go on his podcast 😍

[@EverythingByDee]

Hoooly shit, I LOVED THIS EPISODE! Wow, incredible. I appreciate his vulnerability so much. I didn’t know he could get so deep! I only knew the funny version of him though his and Tim’s podcast which i see the covers for on my KZbin feed. Immediately following him!

[@Brian-rv2xs]

If you liked this I highly recommend listening to David's Pocast, Genius Brain, ft Ed Park. They've had a lot deep interesting conversations I think Ed is naturally like that.

[@montserratgallegos4645]

Life is full of these shifts in our identity. I Can relate in so many levels. My wife and I were working to purchase our sperm donor for our initial baby planning this month. We ran into so many walls because both my wife and I are dancers and the pandemic took a lot of time out of our dance careers, that now that everything is opening again, we both feel like we have a second shot at it and have gained momentum. We decided to go for it now and postpone our baby planning. I felt my wife’s guilt for doing so and I felt guilt too. But at the end we both shifted closer for understanding each others needs and wants before baby. We are so lucky to have that decision making in our hands.. so we are taking the time to live out our dreams before babies. However it got me thinking on how everything will change with our babies. I can’t wait for our family to grow.. but it also scares me. In all the good ways. But I think I discomfort is a part of growth and I’ll take it if it means we will all do it together. If any of that makes any sense lol.

[@cristinacarrion4723]

I love how David explain why therapy is such a great thing. In the Latino culture going to therapy is extremely stigmatized. I was open to someone about going to therapy about a particular subject and a younger Latina just made fun of the situation without understanding that I was being vulnerable by just sharing sometime I knew to be highly stigmatized in our culture and proofing that younger generations are still beng taught that therapy is a joke.

[@alondrabustos1684]

SHAN! I absolutely feel refreshed and. enlightened by your sincereness and ability to be as vulnerable as you are EVERY episode. Your truth helps me face my truths and to dig deeper into those truths. Gracias mami! xoxo

[@min_hyuk98]

New to this channel :)

[@joyellesjourneys4450]

Aaaaaahhhhh I love David and you!!! I love this!!!! 🙃

[@matthewchang6263]

I’m just listening to this podcast!

[@francescamudannayake5465]

Hello from Sri Lanka! I have been in love with your work for so many years now and you've given me so much strength and guidance in navigating my own relationships. Added to that I've learnt a lot about what it means to be a woman from you! Above all, I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty-- I look up to you. Whatever career decisions you make going forward I'm so happy the world has got to see the brilliant work you do. BIG HUG.

[@jdawkss]

I loved the end, it was a really real introspective moment. Thank you!!

[@kikibara1]

You look great Shan, im so happy you came to that realization toward the end❤️ we support you always even if ultimately that means we dont see you as much, or content changes etc etc

[@E3live-o4e]

I love love this episode. It came to me in such a timely way

[@matthewchang6263]

Relationships are hard

[@aurelie.lasirene]

Ouuuuh David! Let’s go! I’m here for it :)

[@KayciaSailsman]

Great episode! I look forward to seeing and hearing more :)

[@jenice7592]

Loved this podcast and you are so pretty!!

[@roadlesswandering]

I haven't seen David So in a minute! Let me go find his KZbin channel.

[@Tyrell4Real]

You look gorgeous Shan !! Great episode btw

[@MyPlusOne]

The subject matter is very interesting I'm glad to see these type of shows as we also have our own sit-down podcast Style conversations about relationships. It is very important as minorities to stop taking therapy and it's benefits for granted

[@1014Des]

Love this!

[@caca53444]

Hey Shan, Id say that the healthy version of co dependance is inter dependance and to add to the attachment sty;les there's fearful avoidance! love the podcast xx

[@selinaaaxxi]

omg the eye cream incident made me cry T_T

[@TheOnlyTaps]

Dope watch

[@briyun519]

This is so dope

[@ad_kk16]

Honestly, never thought I can relate to David lmao

[@npc4020]

Tethered is such a beautiful word

[@millardfilmore1403]

I love these interviews but why are they all only like 20 minutes long? The rest is like your commentary and stuff which is fine but, you know we would really like to hear an hour long interview with (i.e.) Bart and Geo or David instead of 20 minutes? Like?

[@SadeC]

Cartagena de Indias 😍 🇨🇴

[@MadisonStuczynski3a1]

I'm sorry but I DO have to ask about what eyeshadow you're wearing during the intro and the Apostrophe ad. Please.

[@TruePathLiving]

You look beautiful Shan

[@pebblez_]

First time seein ur poscast

[@kathycrc]

Beautiful!! Englightening. From beginning to the end. I feel you Shan. I am at that stage as well. Where quality time with fam is more important.

[@dtwizt]

I like him 🤟🏿

[@pebblez_]

Wheres tim

[@rikasalvador]

Two Aries ♈️♈️🙏🏽🔥🔥🔥

[@gibbsfan19]

Btw, GMOs are safe

[@CaliburPANDAs]

When you got korean's number 1 rap artist, kim jong illah on the show, views only go up...

[@livingportalstv]

I hear a lot of jealousy and envy of his wife! Shocking how he’s the one with demands

[@pkruez2089]

Come visit JK again please!

[@Got2BOshun]

I feel sorry for his wife. He seems very cold, rigid & demanding. He tried to play it off & mask it with a lot of psycho babble. He also called his wife a bitch for asking if he was crying? He still seems extremely angry & low key dangerous. This was an episode that made me remember the perks of being single. I wouldn’t want to be the woman trying to figure out how to stay safe while living with a man like him.

[@aleeshasimone4460]

Agreed.... yikes

[@naijalayday1500]

Phewwww I was reading all the praise comments and sooo confused. Agreed, he seems horrible

[@_SheRoseee_]

I was really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but 🥴 especially the part where he said that it made him feel bad to tell his wife that he missed her. There’s a lot to unpack in this video and I really wish it was longer and more in-depth, but nonetheless to each their own.

[@chinoskateboardv]

David is a simp so don’t worry. If you watch more of his videos you’ll learn he just talks a lot of shit and this is how he acts. Obviously Shan wouldn’t have him on if he really was that crazy. They’ve known each other for a long time.

[@Got2BOshun]

@@chinoskateboardv a simp? That’s misogynistic language. Every abuser has friends who have known them a long time 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@teresamarie7460]

His partner was skeptical about going to therapy because after his decades of therapy he is still throwing mantrums. Also, long-term therapy is essentially paying for someone to listen to you vent.

[@joshuauchechukwu4039]

Humbly appreciate your kind gesture Dr Ehire on KZbin , you have always able to help with any health issues , the herpes virus was something the world thought has no cure but I'm happy to say today that I've been cured and I'm glad to have you as my doctor ...

[@ursamedven8564]

Man I don't like the way he's talking about his wife... I don't think you should sugarcoat hard parts of your relationship but he just sound so disrespectful when speaking about her, the ultimatums, being done with her. Am I the only one?

[@krbk26]

So I'm the only one that thinks this dude is abrasive and obnoxious... ok cool I'm ok with being out in this limb alone

[@esmevega333]

EXTREMELY WORDY. the same thing was said many time over in different ways