Goals of Narcissists, Borderlines, Psychopaths

The narcissist couldn’t care less about goals. Anything that yields supply would do (fungibility).
The psychopath is emotionally invested in obtaining his goals, in the process, not the end result: he is cold, calculated, obsessed.
The borderline cathects goals, experiences them as emotional states.
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[@angeleyes3]

I grew up in a narcissistic family system. I now think they were mostly psychopaths. Thank you for being you.❤

[@knik3]

These videos are invaluable for deciphering cluster b family members. Covert/inverted narcissist, psychopathic narcissist and last but not least narcissistic psychopath.

[@kennethgrnbjerg1689]

Same.

[@kimdelaney8359]

Me too....

[@dablklika]

Can you please explain how your parents affected your personality?

[@augustaylissaevans9088]

this really makes sense, I always notice that people with abusive, manipulative personalities will not care about the actual tasks or subject that they are doing when it comes to a hobby, or career, they just do it because they see there are people they can control, and a hierarchy they can climb... like a filmmaker that is not passionate about film and storytelling, they are just passionate about how easy and normalized it is to be a controlling abusive asshole in the entertainment industry. And you can really tell when they purposefully withhold information, lie about the reality of what they need or what has to be done next, or make seemingly stupid decisions that ruin something, and their leadership results in a shitty final product, and a job not being done properly... because their choices were made with the intention to control, insult, and hurt people, NOT to do the best job they can do, and make whatever they're working on amazing... they don't care about whatever they're working on, they just wanna step on people, even if it means embarrassing themselves and destroying their own career, business, or reputation, because in their mind, they actually did an amazing job, and it was perfect, and they are perfect, and if they developed a terrible reputation and their career went to shit, it is EVERYONE ELSE'S fault, they were just misunderstood, ahead of their time, too amazing for other's to handle, and got sabotaged and back stabbed.

[@ms.x1669]

This is a genius observation.

[@noobpullup]

Perfectly said, Ive noticed this first hand

[@aellavii]

sounds exhausting to be that way.

[@reeferseasalt]

Sadly it's their life force. Be grateful you don't have to suck as a person. These people are emotional vampires.

[@glenmccarthy8482]

Welcome to the craziest planet in the galaxy.

[@ZooxMaze]

🚀 🖖👽 ☄ 🕊 "We come in peace"

[@maryritch]

Starting to love my hobbies again. It's a slow rise when a malignant is stalking you. I gave them up as a defense mechanism because I am better than them. And they couldn't handle it lol

[@carriecastanos]

I'm the same, I love my painting, I feel free😊

[@williambowes-xt2sm]

Horay for loving hobbies! It's one year later, I hope your still going strong :)

[@Kestrel99]

My X Fiancé told me she didn’t know who was running for president and had never voted. I have always believed she was a narcissist. She had no problem with triangulating me with her Xhusband and had multiple trauma stories. She wanted a sexless marriage and the boyfriend before me and after me backed it up. She was incredibly competitive in everything she did even calling her son’s girlfriend a little bitch for trying to beat her in a card game. Thank God I ended it after 1 1\2 years

[@aalves9453]

Distortion of time in the psychopath is an interesting concept and got me thinking about the ones that I know and it's absolutely spot on. If you've ever dated one they are unlikely to remember when you met and how long you've been dating. They are also terrible at trivia and unable to sort events chronologically.

[@nothingnewunderthesun4292]

My ex-gf introduced herself to me on a public bus, twice starting the convo in two times meeting each other over two months, separate occasions. The second time I asked her out on a date & from then on, we got together very quickly. One day, maybe around 2 months or a bit less into us being together, she shows me a video on her phone. I see myself sitting in said public bus, being filmed from a seat looking the opposite way but around 4 rows of seats down from my own. The camera followed me a bit outside even and when I walked out of view, not once even looking into its direction, the video stopped. I obviously was baffled, but importantly, I looked at the date: the video was taken two whole years before she had even talked to me once. So she admitted by herself to filming me on that day and from then on, having s**ual fantasies about me / us for over two years before finally talking to me. Now it’s about what she did after filming me, for the whole two years she had been „watching“ or „observing“ me ; she would start writing down when / where I‘d get off / on the bus and sometimes run or wait for an earlier / later bus to see me as often as possible, (which means she‘d sometimes wait for half an hour up to an hour because the bus line only drives this frequent, just to eventually see me), she was able to describe my friends well enough for me to know exactly who she saw me with, she would frequent spots or places in the city more often when / if she saw me there, especially multiple times, like in the library, lastly she would mirror me, if I was waiting for the train on one side of the tracks, she would basically stand face to face to me, vis-a-vis and when I would walk she’d do the same on the opposite side all of the above for two years from the first day she had seen me on said bus, until talking to me at all And again that’s just what she admitted by herself. Also she kept admitting to say one detail of the above, then check for my reaction, even being amused at my surprise etc, then reveal something new, so I found out about all details in the period of 1-2 weeks of her telling me bit by bit She told me she was looking for a serious long-term, loving relationship as well, just as I was, told me she loved me more than anything or anyone every day and that she was sure about wanting the relationship, then broke up with me when her mother passed away, from one day to the other: „Sorry, I just can’t Imagine us spending time together without having s**“ „Idk why but I just lost my feelings for you and even if I knew why and we had a solution for the problem, I would still not want to continue because I just don’t feel like it anymore“ „Most of the relationship was good, at least I’m not afraid of s** anymore“ and lastly „Just look at our relationship as if it was an expired phone contract“ She wanted to spend almost all the time we spent together in private in bed, yk „exercising“ not just chilling, apart from family gatherings, going shopping & eating maybe once (to be fair it was covid time when we started dating but still) before, then going back home and immediately engage in bed sports again. She only wanted to meet me once a week in person, visiting usually from around 2-3 am until 9-10 in the evening, then go home, she never slept in the same bed with me even tho I really wanted to. For the record, I let her decide by our agreement what we did since her mother was in her last states of dying from cancer, so I just wanted to be there for her & I would lie if I said I didn’t enjoy it either but even for me, at that time 21 years old( she was 20 yrs old) and with almost no prior experiences, it was a bit much at times. We would facetime pretty much every evening tho and snap/text a lot during the day and even then, 70% or more of what we texted/ snapped and / or talked about, she would turn s**ual at some point. I mean I had 200+ nu.des of her in less than 3 months of dating & being together.. plus the s**ting plus the FaceTime sessions..

[@SN-bl6xm]

Thanks for explaining. I already thought that my sister is just a narcissist and my brother most probably a psychopath (like many people say he’s a dangerous psychopath). My mother I was not sure if she’s a narcissist or a psychopath. But now after watching this video, I know she’s a narcissist.

[@YouMarch308]

I grew up in a narcissistic family and now I find myself a psychopathic trait. All is right in the video. P.S I am aware.

[@drkknath]

Very well differencing explanation in terms of goals.

[@christriseninteractivechur2192]

Understanding your podcast. Spent adult life caring for those w/ mental illness. As a pastor, I see things thru a Biblical lens. At age of 10, a future psychopath (legal diagnosis at 18) made a threat over me. In late 20’s completed it. Has long criminal career, gets off easy. Has been diagnosed bipolar, schizophrenic, DID, etc. Have seen her get away with unspeakable crimes since early life. Thx.

[@vstecliuk6555]

So what about the Biblical lens? You don't seem to judge her, do you?

[@christriseninteractivechur2192]

@@vstecliuk6555 I love the woman as my god daughter. I pray for her. Only documented cured cases of psychopathy

[@christriseninteractivechur2192]

Cured cases of psychopathy documented were in religious meetings. Aqesome!

[@sfab5039]

Okay so I am right both of my sisters are narcissists. That is how they move with quick speed from one person, from one place to another. From one job to another

[@joanmyron]

You have yourself a new subscriber, Professor. Thanks for the video! 😊

[@andreahood3689]

'... they exercise mindfulness..' 😂🫠

[@christina334]

Definitely one of your best videos, such a complicated subject.

[@FostersAccount]

Hey, everyone. My relationship with my Borderline partner just ended. New insights from this video, I find that I was most likely a Psychopath who got into a very controlling relationship and so went into Narcissist mode once I felt this person needed me and loved me. We both felt very lost. It feels like it was the best, yet scariest ride of my life. They were extremely goal oriented, and impatient. They wanted to earn a ton of money, wanted my feelings and commitment to come fast (that got into me being Avoidant to try slow things down, which hurt them big time), one day to another said they wanted independent living and a family, while still living at their mothers, spent months getting a job and 2 months after getting it, they say they wanna quit and do things on their own. I on the other hand, initiated the relationship looking for sex and dating multiple partners, that was my goal. As things progressed with this person, I felt they got me like no other. They were gifting their world to me and it was very alluring. It was kind of an unconscious trap where everything had to be their way or there would be a lot of drama. I also couldn't pass on this quality of supply. I resisted for a long time and ,sadly, unknowingly became very Narcissistic. The beautiful and funny moments kept us around, the seeming trust we had with each other., the fantasy sharing. A lot of darkness dwelled in us and drove each other more curious and closer. Once the relationship started crumbling due to conflicting interests and bad communication, my Psychopathic goals returned with a ton of anxiety and fear of loss. I started obsessing over them and felt I couldn't give up on them. Very Covert Borderline like. I feel as if I'm trying to defuse the Narcissist part of not pursuing goals, but that is killing me and leaving me goal less. Not fun at all. If you find you are dating or living with a Borderline, don't assume it's all them and you are completely a victim. There are reasons you get pulled and allured by people like us. Inform yourself and get help if you can on your particular mental issues. I will go to therapy when I can afford it.

[@memecathar1263]

Thanks for sharing. Due to the pop culture ignorance that is imbued in “psychopathy” I just prefer to refer to myself as a demon. It’s hilarious because my wife’s family are native Americans and I am this white big jawed sickly vampire looking mug. They think it’s pretty funny anyway.

[@Chi181]

You littrally just bash people who live with their parents, and unemployed people. Your story has hardly told anything concrete. That is why und don't buy your story.

[@FostersAccount]

@@Chi181 No, I didn't bash anyone, I stated facts. There is no need for you to buy anything. Good luck trying to trigger someone else.

[@FostersAccount]

@@marialuislucasdossantosdac7022 I agree, as Prof. Sam has stated, Narcissism is loose definition and the classifications overlap and morph into another depending on the stages of their cycle. the supply available and if they suffer mortification. Least to say, we're both wacky individuals, hopefully therapy will help some.

[@nothingnewunderthesun4292]

My ex-gf introduced herself to me on a public bus, twice starting the convo in two times meeting each other over two months, separate occasions. The second time I asked her out on a date & from then on, we got together very quickly. One day, maybe around 2 months or a bit less into us being together, she shows me a video on her phone. I see myself sitting in said public bus, being filmed from a seat looking the opposite way but around 4 rows of seats down from my own. The camera followed me a bit outside even and when I walked out of view, not once even looking into its direction, the video stopped. I obviously was baffled, but importantly, I looked at the date: the video was taken two whole years before she had even talked to me once. So she admitted by herself to filming me on that day and from then on, having s**ual fantasies about me / us for over two years before finally talking to me. Now it’s about what she did after filming me, for the whole two years she had been „watching“ or „observing“ me ; she would start writing down when / where I‘d get off / on the bus and sometimes run or wait for an earlier / later bus to see me as often as possible, (which means she‘d sometimes wait for half an hour up to an hour because the bus line only drives this frequent, just to eventually see me), she was able to describe my friends well enough for me to know exactly who she saw me with, she would frequent spots or places in the city more often when / if she saw me there, especially multiple times, like in the library, lastly she would mirror me, if I was waiting for the train on one side of the tracks, she would basically stand face to face to me, vis-a-vis and when I would walk she’d do the same on the opposite side all of the above for two years from the first day she had seen me on said bus, until talking to me at all And again that’s just what she admitted by herself. Also she kept admitting to say one detail of the above, then check for my reaction, even being amused at my surprise etc, then reveal something new, so I found out about all details in the period of 1-2 weeks of her telling me bit by bit She told me she was looking for a serious long-term, loving relationship as well, just as I was, told me she loved me more than anything or anyone every day and that she was sure about wanting the relationship, then broke up with me when her mother passed away, from one day to the other: „Sorry, I just can’t Imagine us spending time together without having s**“ „Idk why but I just lost my feelings for you and even if I knew why and we had a solution for the problem, I would still not want to continue because I just don’t feel like it anymore“ „Most of the relationship was good, at least I’m not afraid of s** anymore“ and lastly „Just look at our relationship as if it was an expired phone contract“ She wanted to spend almost all the time we spent together in private in bed, yk „exercising“ not just chilling, apart from family gatherings, going shopping & eating maybe once (to be fair it was covid time when we started dating but still) before, then going back home and immediately engage in bed sports again. She only wanted to meet me once a week in person, visiting usually from around 2-3 am until 9-10 in the evening, then go home, she never slept in the same bed with me even tho I really wanted to. For the record, I let her decide by our agreement what we did since her mother was in her last states of dying from cancer, so I just wanted to be there for her & I would lie if I said I didn’t enjoy it either but even for me, at that time 21 years old( she was 20 yrs old) and with almost no prior experiences, it was a bit much at times. We would facetime pretty much every evening tho and snap/text a lot during the day and even then, 70% or more of what we texted/ snapped and / or talked about, she would turn s**ual at some point. I mean I had 200+ nu.des of her in less than 3 months of dating & being together.. plus the s**ting plus the FaceTime sessions..

[@dragoscosma84]

A father figure i never had.

[@CaliSlots777]

This was very detailed and full of depth. Thank you

[@user-oz7nw9sq7y]

I keep learning so much from you Sam. Over 10 years of watching your videos and there’s always something g new to learn. Thank you!

[@MISSION315]

This all makes sense to me the way you explain the differences really good talk that cleared my mind for a time thank you baz🇬🇧

[@katface28]

Excellent discourse. Ty.

[@jatt1871]

Thankx prof.youve helped me alot learning about the disorder 2yrs ago i didnt kno nothing about it.

[@suzannebrown945]

Thank you……

[@JessieInTheSky09]

I really appreciate this explanation. You helped me to learn something new about the secondary state of borderline, which I never heard of but makes complete sense. Could you talk about how to tell apart someone who is a psychopath with ADHD, which might make it harder for them to be planful about their goals and make them more impulsive, from a person with narcissism?

[@ericaeva4408]

I would love to hear this as well!

[@JohnDoe-bv9ov]

There's a correlation between ADHD and psychopathy (see Factor 2 psychopathy for why), mainly because the physiological underarousal (low heart rate, low autonomic nervous system, low blood pressure, amygdala/prefrontal cortex under-arousal) feels calm, serene and unemotional to the point of boredom. That is why antisocial personalities are goal obsessed; they need stimulation so that they don't fall asleep out of boredom. So they become inattentive, bored, emotionally detached, and hyperactive-impulsive when they don't have something they can divert all their attention to.

[@milicavukajlovic6476]

Thank you Sam.

[@d.d.1397]

I have bpd and the way you explained it is so spot on

[@pjmrees]

Helpful and informative...thank you

[@NkNk-vg8fc]

Good morning my time Dr. Vaknin. Will watch comment later. Thank you ❤️

[@tkm69u]

Great information again Sam.

[@camfrancisco]

The best! This really helps!

[@T77489]

Your videos are really good, thanks.

[@jubeebby3]

youre so brilliant!!!

[@warchild100]

My ex 100% narc covert borderline

[@pappaprosjektet]

Thank you Sam ❤

[@AO-gk4qb]

Sam, is it possible that a family member presents with these three comorbidities behind closed doors, but in public come across as just an attention seeker that seems so harmless (even if annoying to some, to others she's the cutest little old lady). Living behind the closed doors, i know the mayhem she created and am still trying to figure it all out despite the fact that she's dead. It's a lot of baggage over a lifetime. Thanks for all you educate us about, have watched multitudes of your videos.

[@Александра_1_1]

Thank u, Sam❤️

[@irenahabe2855]

Bam. 🎯

[@bartg6471]

Im antisoscial and bpd, cant fucking function, 5 month in the theraphy which doesnt help. Life sucks

[@Siddha123-b6c]

Nice Haircut Sam :)

[@auaticamazon]

Fascinating as usual Dr Vaknin. So I thought Trump was a malignant narcissist but now I’m wondering is he’s more psychopath. What is your thought on this ?

[@samvaknin]

Malignant narcissists ARE psychopathic.

[@2davivadiva]

What do you think Biden and Obama are? Curious

[@samvaknin]

@@2davivadiva samvak.tripod.com/obama.html (2008)

[@frankpasquale4935]

Great video

[@ArtbyIWL]

Thank you! very clear and clarifying! Who is also using gazlightning and staking?

[@mohdnazirmohdnainar5992]

tqvm doc

[@kiranguddu4339]

Oh Mr. Vaknin you are just G=Genius.. What a deep analysis.. Well Im a Mach here, can I expect that you would make few videos on Machiavilianism?

[@annatanner6965]

It appears to me that our brain is up to a lot of tricks with us and is quite delusional about our inner hidden motives which translate into our actions and behavior. In a majority of humans there seems to be glaring contradictions between what they claim to be and their actions - not only in cluster B personalties - Could it be that these contradictions regarding what people believe they are and their actions aren't restricted to cluster B personalities - but a general trait in all human-beings? We as humans often don't really know who we are and therefore have problems defining ourselves. What do you think about my theory, Prof Vaknin?

[@eliezer1060]

😊

[@violationofprivacy]

Can a person be all 3???

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@Fanny16162]

@@samvakninwow

[@guestandsons]

So so interesting.....

[@colindowling1000]

Narcissist psychopath I have a relative

[@akunmerek5619]

What test to identify ourselves prof? Mmpi or what?

[@socioscorpio9791]

Just curious, but why are histrionics never included in your videos? They are also cluster b pd’s?

[@samvaknin]

It is doubtful whether such a diagnosis should exist at all. I will talk about it soon.

[@dandylion12k]

אוהבים אותך 💚❤️

[@VICTORIA-rf8pd]

❤🎉wisdom

[@camila-mdv]

Sounds like Joe from “You” is both antisocial and borderline.

[@Pcrazystillo]

Not everyone is a narcissist look up avoidant attachment style has narc traits in most

[@sukkar5200]

I am a viewer supply. Be my guest😄