Good Sex Isn't About Knowing What You're Doing | Sarah Byrden | TEDxVail

"Good sex is about learning how to feel and be honest about what that is." -Sarah Byrden
Sarah is a sacred sexuality teacher/sex educator who has worked with hundreds of students, ranging in age from 15-80. She works with college students offering them spaces to connect with their humanity and vulnerability around sex, helping bridge the gap between pleasure education and assault prevention on campus.
#greatsex, #sex, #sexuality, #emotionalconnection, #communication, #letstalkaboutsex, #humaninteraction, #sexeducation, #SayYesToGreatSex This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@AvzBiker4Life]

This happens when you are genuinely connected to your partner, the souls just do their love making and it’s just the best feeling ever! Thank you :)

[@blissreframed1681]

Thus is soo True! People are missing the soul lick, that connection that bonds💖

[@toddbowles]

She is absolutely correct. We're confused between our minds expectations and what down deep we really want and need.

[@hojofan]

@Plumbing Inspector Contractor As a woman speaking here, some of us women know exactly what we want but the frustrating thing is when you make it clear to the man and he wants to what he's wants to do and doesn't listen. I know exactly what I want and don't want and make myself clear to him but then get accused of being controlling just because I know how to express what I need. Makes me sad and frustrated.

[@minagica]

I don't even know what I need -_-

[@diaperdude6163]

>"We're confused between our minds expectations and what down deep we really want and need." Nah. I just want a cat girl waifu.

[@soulfuzz368]

Todd Bowles it’s very true but it is missing one thing. Many people don’t know what they need and require someone to show them, this is where the “knowing what you are doing” part come in. I think she is right about the problem but the solution still has some practical aspects.

[@NICEFINENEWROBOT]

"what down deep we really want and need." Then, unexperienced as we are, we let it out, it becomes awkward, and we get despised. And that's it?

[@milad.m]

First time I watched this, I didn’t understand, I was like: but how?.. fast forward 3 years, and an amazing woman later, this completely makes sense. Thanks Sarah.

[@gabriellesinclair971]

How did you guys miss her point? She was saying that you should just be present and try to enjoy the journey with your partner not rush to the end goal. The Journey is full of different sensations and experiences. You have to get out of your head and be aware of your body that is all.

[@dwightk.schruteiii8454]

Gabrielle Sinclair But that doesn’t say anything practical. Its an incomplete thought.

[@gabriellesinclair971]

Kev Man456 she's not suggesting anything specific because everyone has a different body and would like different things what she's saying to to find out what you really would enjoy instead of routine rushing to climax or faking enjoyment

[@xplorethings]

@@gabriellesinclair971 It's an incomplete though, plus one that really ignores reality. No matter how much I enjoy different parts of a meal, at some point I will eat it just to be full. Every now and then you can stop to appreciate again, but it's not an experience that happens every time, nor should it.

[@dwightk.schruteiii8454]

Gabrielle Sinclair But creating practical examples, though it cannot be tailored to every individual in the audience because everyone has a different body, would at least give an idea of what she means by what she’s saying.

[@gabriellesinclair971]

Kev Man456 she's wants them to discover it themselves it's better for people to feel than being told what to do. Also It's a ted talk also I don't think they would show anything that graphic.

[@5piecekit]

I think this kind of talk makes sense to people who can easily improvise in the moment, like musicians who are used to showing up and jamming without any preconceived objective. Just putting the biggest pair of ears on and being willing to follow wherever the moment takes us. Of course there is no guarantee you'll make music, but that willingness to be open, fearless and sensitive to another makes for great lovemaking when the chemistry is there.

[@msmith53]

Perfectly in tune!

[@williamharvey1992]

What a gift is this lady at 75 a great awakening

[@shiryang3490]

if we hold back emotion the body will hold back pleasure and our capacity for compassion!

[@imightfixit]

Spot on

[@jrsboom9598]

That’s beautiful

[@jasonhaveten5608]

Yeah... And when you show emotion to a woman you know what will happen...

[@PhillMagGamerDad]

@@jasonhaveten5608 , no idea. What will happen?

[@jasonhaveten5608]

@@PhillMagGamerDad see will see you as one of her friends and loss all attraction for you. Who likes a leader that shows it's emotion? You think you would like to see it, but when you do, it is re-election time.

[@shahrazade26]

This talk really hit home. She made me realize that I cannot be myself or concentrate on what I'm feeling because I am being judged and expected to perform. I don't know where I'll go from here but she gave me a starting point and a road map. Thanks.

[@SasoriLuva15]

What you write is so incredibly relatable!

[@ajflamingo5839]

shahrazade26 The expectations society has put on men to be high level performers inside and outside the bedroom are grossly unfair and largely unaddressed. We all must endeavor to release this damaging idea. Brené Brown has done some amazing research on ways to heal the shame that is at the root of this. I recommend her book, “Daring Greatly” for answers.

[@ixxgxx]

I focus on the beauty of her wrists and her back and transport each other somewhere else during the caressing.

[@Trump-A-Bad-MF]

@@ixxgxx damn you should write a poem

[@ramasodimalete2699]

🔥🔥🔥

[@cjpatz]

Media makes us feel like we’re doing it all wrong. When I just let things a flow and not think so much, disregard what I’ve seen and learned. It just happens.

[@beatrixbliss276]

Religion is what made me feel like what lm doing is all wrong.

[@frankandricciola9782]

Great speaker. Time for us to let go, no inhibitions, better self esteem. It’s not about the game, it’s about the journey

[@weethree2070]

there is no "game". If you make it a game, it isn't real.

[@aurianepuignero2410]

Sense8 vibes, anyone? I think this is the same message this serie was trying to broadcast. Beautiful. Thank you so much for explaining a train of thought and emotions that should be elemental.

[@DrRuben]

Love to see the link of emotions with our capacity for connection and then link it all back to the wisdom of pleasure as a guide (in essence the wisdom of our bodies). Thank you for sharing it through this lens!

[@bjulienem]

Deeeep!!

[@jamesriesterer1141]

This woman has gifted us all, through her presentation, with the essence for more radically fulfilling lives. In humble gratitude 🙏🏻.

[@amlasaad5178]

Good❤

[@Max-jo8mb]

This is one of the most deeply open and revealing conversation of pleasure I have heard.

[@saggifire]

First, our purpose for being on this spiritual plane is to find out who we are. Second, when we understand that, our choices of lovers will be with those who want to be with us as much as we want to be with them. There will be no doubt. There will be no guilt or outside distractions.Just being in that moment.

[@Alex-nw1fr]

Well said

[@graemeroberts2935]

Such truth and wisdom. Lovely!

[@debevangelista6977]

I clicked on the Tedx link to find a familiar face on the screen. So lovely to see you and hear your words that resonate with me as Truth. What a great talk.

[@PassionateStrawberry]

We are living in a time where cell phones are becoming more important than an actual connection. Blessed are those who are mindful.

[@whoever79]

Blessed indeed are those who are mindful!

[@humaneleaguelancPA]

So true!

[@senubk]

Lll

[@degascochin]

Pointing out the internal points, she explained beautifully.... Great speach

[@mirageuc]

In a nutshell: Mindfulness.

[@maocharlisme]

Not quite. Although it is a major part of it!

[@fly12345678901]

@@maocharlisme hahah you talk like you'd know the answer and are not even giving any substance to your comment other than that.

[@lukefarren3409]

Mindfulness isn’t treating feelings and emotions as messengers, being mindful is simply paying attention in a non judgemental way. Trusting the wisdom of the body involves more than just mindfulness.

[@AngelLPena]

YES!!!!

[@Ssalongo1]

I could not agree more

[@susanarupolo2212]

Thank you ,first time someone could express my feelings and why the people never guess this is a top experience.

[@kevintucker3354]

I knew this was a top experience with my first love at 19. She figured it out a few years later with a couple of kids from someone else and let me know with tears.

[@Bluemgwes]

Yeah this is of course a wonderful point and I agree with it full-heartedly, but when she asks "are you close?" nothing kills the mood faster or says "I am present" than that.

[@loridecker-harring1737]

This is exactly why I can't forget! It was the one place I let all my inhibitions go, and I let myself be completely vulnerable with you...can you say the same?

[@user-xk3wu1xr8o]

Pointing out the internal points, she explained beautifully.... Great speach. Your explanation is so simple and simply beautiful. Thank you Sarah! .

[@starlightwhispers6781]

So eloquent and grounding. Wholesome in that it makes you think of the topic holistically rather than just being a slice of life

[@lynnmarieanderson1744]

Very honest and real talk. She had guts to say it!!!

[@sunstatehousebuyers7856]

Hopefully, a lot of men will listen and understand this. It always takes two to make things work.

[@marks.7593]

You are right, but the woman needs to do something other than lay there silently saying "make it happen."

[@dylannoonan9751]

I literally clapped at the end. Well spoken.

[@all4myutube]

She is so right, you have to have your emotions engaged during that time of pleasure or you are a dead thing.

[@BoidyFilms]

This was so on point Sarah! Really well thought out and true. Great to meet you and share the TEDx stage with you.

[@user-rh8kl6mj7b]

very deep things I feel now I know what my sticking point and how to bring it out. A great thank to you sarah

[@babarrehman4746]

Thank you Madame. Very truthfull accounts of most people's feelings.

[@beatciunia]

I got so emotional watching this and how true it is what you said ☺️

[@johnzimpelman9018]

It is never about the end results but rather true emotions and being connected. The examples we see say otherwise.

[@MrYepic]

Without a script!great!I liked the spontaneity of her speech, and knowledge.

[@bronwyndobbins282]

Wow, she is so right. Went from my ex Mr. 17 minutes of well that's another chore done, to now friend Mr. Cant get enough. He is amazing.

[@sammyjo2852]

Our hearts and our bodies are intimately connected for sure!

[@khd7271]

I wish I could shake her hand. Preach on.

[@Lambert7785]

exactly, and it's always fun and pleasant to just be your real inner self and let it happen - sometimes it's super fulfilling

[@bartolome8834]

This is pretty pretty deep if you wanna listen and pay attention and apply to the real life

[@Space.Pimpin]

nah

[@ednavazquezmusica]

Great speech! This is the best pill for 'low libido'. Thank you!

[@shrimpysquad5821]

I resonated with "instead of calling their bluff"

[@sudiptapanja5108]

I just played it, closed my eyes & kept crying

[@gd1465]

Sounds amazing. Not a performance but an adventure and discovery

[@brigittemcdonough2385]

Perfect! Thank you!

[@gabrielcaleb9277]

Wonderful talk.... a blessing in Byrden 's clothing....

[@skleppardit]

Beautifully expressed. Thank you

[@curtismcdonald6461]

Fantastic presentation on the topic of intimacy. Excellent information. She provides a wonderful lens, highlighting the misconceptions we have about the exchanges of love, pleasure, bonding, etc. Excellent work!

[@DylanBegazo]

4:59 "What we are missing, is ourselves" Case and point.

[@manujbhaskar9941]

Your explanation is so simple and simply beautiful. Thank you Sarah! 🙂

[@CambrianCole]

Absolutely loved this message...the only thing which felt out of place, however, was the projected picture of kids at an aquarium towards the end 😂

[@kemperwoodruff758]

Amazing I loved it!!

[@FacetsOfTruth]

That was brilliant! Thank you so much.

[@armandoarmando6057]

Good job, I enjoyed listening to you. Interesting. I'm looking forward to hear more.

[@stephaniefortney22]

She is spot on…. Extremely insightful

[@madgemackles4337]

Props to the ladies who can absolutely let go during the journey of coitus

[@sososanchez3512]

Let this lady have the floor.. Absolutely amazing and nothing but the truth

[@Rachmanfan4life]

It’s terrible

[@blackh2o1]

Floor, dining room table, washing machine, porch swing, the stairs......

[@hdremus]

Thank you Hollywood!

[@louiseparker1915]

This is fabulous advice. It's taken me a long time to get to this place.

[@weethree2070]

Applause! A standing ovation from me. This talk is excellent. So well scripted and so well delivered. It feels like this first time in many, many years that somebody says it like it is. Thank you.

[@weethree2070]

…and just for once, the title is click-bait, yes - but it is absolutely authentic and delivers what it promises!

[@Warrior1Spartan]

In other words: "Happiness lies in the journey, not the destination."

[@shirleykurtz]

Great journeys lead to great destinations!

[@humaneleaguelancPA]

Love your name, do you believe you were a Spartan in a past life?

[@Warrior1Spartan]

@@humaneleaguelancPA I used to think that, or at least that I could've been.

[@humaneleaguelancPA]

@@Warrior1Spartan If you think you were for whatever reason, you probably were. I work with Veterans with PTSD and I have felt they have been Spartan's in a past life. Mainly because they have shared with me, some unbelievable stories of fearlessness and brushes with death, that they can't explain. I have also dated a guy, we are in our 60's now and he was told by a teacher that he was a "leader" in another life, he also believed he was a Spartan. Pretty cool!

[@kevintucker3354]

We are all warriors in this life. The one who conquers hisself is the only hero to ever exist.

[@anushkathetree]

Very insightful, thank you!!

[@carolfox9620]

This is poetry.

[@tommcfadden5232]

Bad poetry.

[@zer0creative930]

I like her. She's on to something. Top stuff 👌

[@sylviemarchetti9966]

Magnifique !!! merci beaucoup Miss Sarah Byrden !!!

[@lsporter88]

She's absolutely correct. Great commentary.

[@lewisdampeer3430]

Wow thamks for this eye opening revelation

[@free2tingleasmr918]

Very powerful. Beautiful. Thank you.

[@federicabrondetta3858]

"this is about going home" wow, love that

[@Dulles-jt6sr]

Yeah it should be nice to come home.. that's not the reality... 😳

[@geovannanobrega]

Amazing ❤️

[@camilleluna6442]

Thank u for this wonderful speech I loved it❤

[@KellyLCall]

that was outstanding! Seriously!!

[@annebarr9314]

Beautiful. Thank you.

[@dougyoung9330]

This is the best example of the best example of togetherness that I've ever heard

[@vilashote7188]

Hello mam Sarah Barden how is your Martial life I hope it will be full of happiness I hope your husband your family children great happiness will be there may I correct????????

[@jeynes14]

Thank you for sharing.

[@MrNemitri]

Communication is the key, I try to please my partners to the best of my ability, by asking if they like it, you can get instant feedback, and go from there, sometimes it is important to pay attention to body language too. We are not telepathic after all.

[@elizapedersen4702]

Right, you need to be unwrapping your own and your partner's expectations and feelings at the same time

[@leogarcia-cuesta5211]

It's a journey, not a job, so respect it and enjoy.

[@tanyatanu1]

This is amazing and aligns with what I had discovered for myself years ago. I hope this helps a lot of people understand the pleasure of being in that moment and feeling, getting closer. I suppose some people might be scared to feel vulnerable, but then there isn’t pleasure in simply performing the act.

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Tetyana H interesting

[@Michael-bf1dt]

Hi Tetyana how are you. Greetings from Ireland. Hope you’re safe from covid. It’s a good video. Your comment is very good. Best wishes for a lovely weekend 😊🙏 Michael

[@LM-doodle]

Amazing lecture....

[@seeker2716]

DEEEEEPEST GRATITUDE from Belgium, Europe 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@tabithablalock]

This is beautiful and spot on. ❤

[@estevanvault9261]

I'll hit ur spot

[@alexanderburton5990]

Just thinking about letting go with some of these heartless people in hook up culture is enough to make me want to cry. What she is describing is truth but difficult to do if you don't trust people.

[@worldwithoutwar8622]

Yes. Truth has to be combined with love . . . otherwise it leads to cruelty. I read that in a book called "Falling for Love"

[@lizicadumitru9683]

Hook up culture is the antithesis of what she speaks of

[@nathanielgray4235]

Right on

[@miguelcavanna736]

Tremendous talk Ma-am, thanks

[@antonykj1838]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts 👍👍

[@sailingbug9653]

What an interesting woman. She has some really pertinent points, I like her speech.

[@lukeweyant6771]

That talk was so beautiful.

[@rajashreemasali2057]

So beautifully spoken.

[@boomerangsruckflug8513]

Very good, thanks.

[@badlandskid]

Sometimes I wish I could turn my thoughts off, especially during intimacy.

[@NSiFe]

Try meditation

[@maghrath1]

smoke weed

[@kimberliemorrison8926]

badlandskid same baby. Same

[@jasonhaveten5608]

Notice you thought(s) and get your focus back on what you were doing

[@smendes2004]

@@maghrath1 weed doesn't disconnect thoughts...it makes them paranoid...not a good advice.

[@clinthightowerclinthightow4950]

Good job, not exactly car stuff like my channel but I'm gonna try to get my wife to watch this and see what we can learn. Thanks.

[@user-jd4qy1fd6m]

Yikes

[@cornflower9258]

i loved this. thank u

[@theberadise1960]

Very insightful !

[@mominator69]

We hold the keys to the cage, i'm not exactly sure if the cage is being in my body or if the cage is the one I get stuck within inside of in my mind. Either way I love what she had to say because it is so true. And I what hat she is describing.

[@miklospalffy3011]

Wow. Likable assumption of the cage Frances. It suggests that the thinker makes a stable difference between the two cages.

[@MemorableJ]

This just spoke on everything that twenty years of f**king has been missing in my life -

[@janettamenendez3796]

Shh..best comment!

[@estevanvault9261]

I'd smash

[@michaelrusso8300]

why do you think that is?

[@Stevie671]

"F...omg" is what it ain't.

[@srevecarey1766]

Very good. Thank you.

[@satyamkpandey233]

Experience speaks out loud.

[@MegaAmazingc]

Explore ur body mind and soul. Enjoy the journey and each Discovery you come across in life. Learn from each experience. Cuz life is about continuance journey and learning. Lol

[@au8747]

Love her voice!!

[@melaniewilson1742]

A lot of people here are saying this is a big revelation for them, but I've always kind of innately knew this. Just let your body and emotions guide you? Way ahead of you there, Ms. Byrden. Though, I'm glad this video exists, because now I know how to put this into words, and other people will be seeing this, as well.

[@corilia9529]

Take away fear and you can do anything

[@Lotuslaful]

Excellent Refreshing True And validating! Thank you