The Pleasure Principle: The Secret to a Better Sex Life | Laurie Betito | TEDxMontrealWomen

It’s time, we, as women, take ownership of our pleasure, as it is the right of every human being. But doing that requires that we let go of shame, get to know our bodies, recognize that we are more “normal” than we think, and shift our attitudes about to sex.
Noted broadcaster, author, therapist and speaker, Dr. Laurie Betito has been serving
listeners with relationship and life advice for over two decades.
She is the host of a nightly radio show called Passion, covering all topics related to
love, sex and relationships, the President of the Sexual Health Network of Quebec
and also the author of The Sex Bible for People Over 50.
A clinical psychologist with a specialty in sexuality in private practice, her work is
rooted in helping people live life with passion, while infusing love and positivity in
all relationships.
For more information about Dr. Betito visit www.drlaurie.com or listen to her
weeknights from 10-11pm on CJAD800.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@ibless7349]

This was very informative. Thanks

[@yobrojoost]

Nailed it in 10 minutes! Bravo!

[@akashagarwal6410]

Thanks a lot Ma'am. People need to know this, understand women, and respect their needs and the way they are, especially the orthodox ones.

[@truecynic1270]

Excellent talk! Thank you

[@reenarajput3254]

Awesomely described ....thanks alot mam.

[@SatinSays]

Loved this!!!!

[@zarad7052]

Amazing! Thank you!!

[@mohammadimranimmi5175]

Best presentation ever.... It is so informative.....

[@the_arung]

"Female desire in long-term relationships is more responsive than spontaneous" - most men have no clue about this fact, especially since their own desires stay spontaneous.

[@Turnpost2552]

Why cant it be both. Men are the same way to. Men respond to hot women. How is it different?

[@FreeAssange]

@@Turnpost2552 Men are turned on by looking at a hot woman, while women are turned on by looking at themselves through men's eyes. Men desire, women feel desired, which begets desire.

[@codykrueger796]

Plz explain

[@FreeAssange]

@@codykrueger796 Male desire begets female desire.

[@Leslie-es5ij]

Maybe when we are young, but older men can't be spontaneous. Anymore. And making a detailed plan together can be fun too.😮

[@pradeepchauhan2284]

Definitely great conversation

[@joshschneider9378]

Absolutely Brilliant

[@drgoldfunyoga]

Just attended a bio identical hormone seminar seemed so fitting to listen to this. We know it’s about intention and having a loving relationship and communicating when your desire may be stronger than your partners. They can still pleasure you even if their libido is low and you can learn your body and how to pleasure yourself. It’s liberating ❤️

[@ronwelford6896]

I would to thank Laurie and all the other ladies who have made these videos I have learned more in the last few days about the woman's than I have ever know before what worries me is that was also in the dark or if she did know did not tell me

[@greenelf912]

Awesome talk. Eloquent and insightful woman.

[@adamt4051]

Very nice learned something very good

[@SnowYukiYap]

Thanks for this video ~

[@andreaspaulding5757]

Relief is PRICELESS!

[@Andre-hm5vo]

Relief is weakness

[@nbrenner34]

You go girl!

[@schmaulomattc5889]

Love it.

[@ivahevesi]

One of the best sex related Ted talks out there.

[@CarolinHauser]

Awsome! I think you'd be interested in learning about Karezza

[@bridgetthauert5518]

Mary Roach's on orgasm is a laugh riot!

[@DoodleBugLisa]

My grandma talked to me about sexual pleasure...lucky me!

[@saurabhmishra4911]

what secrets she told, could you please share for the humanity

[@liabw05]

Good on her 😏

[@legendarylightyagamiimmanu1821]

Lisa Rubio hahahaha

[@pritampyne9694]

The same thing happened with me also

[@RawForUs]

Lisa Rubio so freakin lucky

[@AnabelDC89]

Great talk !

[@antman5561]

How you assessed it

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Bel nice to meet you here..have you heard of the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@srianjanaVadevoo]

U r a great woman.. Thanks for choosing this topic

[@ameladeonn9558]

The predominant cryptocurrency btc hits $100k by Dec.Start buying cryptocurrencies for more financial progress.

[@16blank45]

It is interestiing that men don’t always seem to get this. Thanks for the good talk.

[@shoestring9964]

It evolves. We must reclaim pleasure. We must prioritize our pleasure. That's an attitude shift. That's what we need.

[@shoestring9964]

@@emu1028 How much experience do you have in pleasing yourself? It's in your nature to want to feel good and to be rather selfish. What would happen if you put effort into looking into what interests you? What pulls you towards it and gives you a taste of passion? *You can feel pleasure.* But you must do things that will give you pleasure. You are in your control, take some responsibility. How does work for you?

[@rockcitymarco9186]

Bravo my friend.... Thank you

[@laiwan4914]

Superb.

[@StrategicStripping]

💯💯 thank you

[@chumdemoovungovung6172]

I love that amazing

[@rudraom9]

Laurie God bless u sorry for waiting dear Love you take care... Rohit Goswami Delhi

[@Now2Sense]

Thank you

[@msobsession21]

I’m the partner that wants it way more. It’s hard with another parter that doesn’t want it often. I’m a female and he’s a male so it’s not always going to be a male that wants it more.

[@Meandgenevieve]

That can actually be very sad. I wish that in every relationship the partner who doesn't want it as much would simply give to the partner who does want it, or need it, because he/she loves her/him, and understands and cares about them.

[@rossyvizcarra1927]

I agree

[@thatgirl5630]

Gum Nut you can’t just “give it” if the body does not respond to it then it does no work

[@Meandgenevieve]

@@thatgirl5630 Of course. I should have been clearer, i don't know why more people don't seem to think of solving the problem simply by touching the guy with your hand. Most guys are very easily satisfied after a few minutes and you can do it even when you're half asleep. Maybe some guys aren't satisfied with that, but it would meet the physical need.

[@user-hm8wz4vp8l]

I feel your pain. My wife never wants it and I always do. 4 years is the longest I had to wait. Its actually a form of abuse.

[@katherinemooney4396]

Great video

[@antman5561]

I don't think so

[@MarinaReznik]

This is a very important message! Thank you!

[@antman5561]

How you assessed it .

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Marina, nice to meet you here. Have you heard of Karezza?

[@arifbillah3496]

@@CarolinHauser hello

[@CarolinHauser]

Thanks for this video!

[@lawsonbrinton682]

Hello Carolin

[@lawsonbrinton682]

Thanks for the thumbs up, how do you spend your spare time?

[@jacobbert3693]

So interesting

[@pranayv.ghadge334]

Great

[@KrisWolf4]

Most definitely..great talk!!👍

[@lawsonbrinton682]

Hello

[@richardpauly1635]

I bet your a happy woman

[@lawbee2448]

Does the speaker have the mic or does the audience?? Wtf, audio fail

[@spurthichadharam9144]

So I think knowing facts and understanding each other s problems too helps us a lot and most importantly everyone s problems..thank you for giving this opportunity

[@madslug7139]

Haha good 1. Thank u!

[@phinhager6509]

Long ads make me feel invested in a video before I even start watching }:'-( (Most elaborate emoji ever!!!!)

[@Poche676]

Agree, sex is wonderful, great, and pleasing to help our lives achieve success. God blessed us all, Gustavo Ceja

[@jardemooreb4100]

🤣

[@CarolinHauser]

Have you heard of Karezza?

[@spurthichadharam9144]

So I think we can or should ensure proper research on it and gather everyone s opinions and problems pleasures or addictions and then come to a complete opinion on what it does to the human body family life work and society and life on the whole

[@MeagainIA2011]

single and celibate, & autoimmune disorders: however, self-stimulation is a part of my pain management.

[@Flytr567]

I am amazed that problems like these exist in the west, where we used to think is a lot of liberty and freedom. Surprised from Pakistan!

[@gospelsolomon9427]

There's no surprise that open people can get taunted by the hidden ones whose records are out of sight 😂

[@robincrowflies]

Oh, well, in the United States we were settled by Puritans, and that runs deep in our culture. Very schizophrenic.

[@ebonyblack4563]

As an AceSpec person, who's also married to an Ace, I'm a bit conflicted about the absolute language used here. I do however find the gym comparison rather intriguing.

[@amydoloreswasserfall1959]

Thanks so much fom this video. I know what where I can find this video when I have kids one day. Cuz I'm a kid.😃😂

[@antman5561]

You can try now 😉

[@lawsonbrinton682]

Hello Amy

[@andreaspaulding5757]

Ya gotta love yourself before ya love anyone else

[@Andre-hm5vo]

That is a myth, why? Because there is no 'yourself'

[@carmenbalko1372]

YEAH…DR.RUTH

[@ingottarkington1250]

They've been led astray they aught too check themself

[@sanjanabhardwaj8790]

Ryt ♥️

[@livingstranger]

I can't think of any guys I know that view female masterbation as a shameful act. I know a lot of women that shame male masterbation.

[@tiberiuswise]

Oh yeah? Well then why is there no pr0n of female masturbation? (sarcasm)

[@amandagaskill7609]

I'm a women and I agree with your comment

[@christinestill1990]

Captain Mercurian I

[@yashereen]

@@Ali-pb6jb agreed

[@yashereen]

makes me think of the episode on pubescent female masturbation on pen15.

[@caseycreations585]

0:51 that's funny 😂😂😂

[@charlesufarlie4181]

At my age i like to take extra attention to accomplish her needs

[@Andre-hm5vo]

Not 'needs' but wants? Needs are subjective however wants are necessities.

[@benjeanettebooth1800]

Learning to slow down and concentrate on her pleasure is so important.

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Well , I sleeping this morning and someone called out on the CB . I was going to answer , but someone else jumped in with obnoxion . I know that there are women out there , but they aren't going to put up with obnoxion. They go somewhere else . If you want a decent girl friend , you gotta be decent your self . We have to meat on one channel and move to another to carry on .

[@helenakina5357]

My grandfather

[@johnzacharias8630]

Interesting

[@priestesspersephone9266]

women need to be taught about tubular pregnancy since they are deadly and many people don’t even know about the reality of tubular pregnancy and how quickly a woman can die from it without even knowing they are pregnant and bleeding internally from the burst fallopian tube

[@chrisnedland7040]

right

[@katesmith3024]

True but also random

[@luciatat4084]

What does this have to do with the subject?

[@lanhu4730]

Beautiful love u.

[@TM-bw7hh]

So is it wrong or bad that after 8 years, both my husband and i still want each other constantly? Or just not that usual?

[@bartholomewchuzzlewit4356]

Just not that usual, and may you have many many more years of the same. 👍

[@backyardexercise.2217]

That's how marriage should work! You guys keep up the great work and mutual love!

[@luciatat4084]

How could that be wrong?? You should be happy about it! It’s the ideal!

[@catrionacarruthers5704]

I think YOU should give a talk on the subject, I'd love to know how the two of you relate, what do you think makes this work for the both of you?

[@khazardslover]

Religion was usually against women: when someone tells you how you should feel in a circumstance in stead of caring about what you genuinely feel (thus caring about connecting with the genuine you), that's when you're being oppressed, even though you're under the impression that your god will give you some reward after you die if you endure the shi(F)t all your life that you are certain you've got now. What if you actually die? Then you'll waist all your life so that your religious leaders get everything they want in THIS certain lifetime, while they tell you to sacrifice yours, obviously for their own good. Religion needs you, you don't need religion, you just need your own brain and empathy. I mean, imagine how many other religions are out there, each and every single one of them imposing upon the believers the idea that that's the only true religion out there and the rest of them are fake and each of them can prove the others are wrong... Religion is the philosophy of manipulation. Their philosophy contains the domination of women because women are precious for keeping on multiplying for the benefit of the humankind. If the humans belong to the woman who believes in the X religion, then the X religion gets more and more power through each newborn being raised in that X religion. Women have more power than they can imagine.

[@WarmongerYT]

However religion is for your own good. In the same way rules are for children. In the same way that a child doesn't see why they can't eat chocolate cake for breakfast. Or that they don't understand why they can't stay up until 1 in the morning. Is because that's their parents - father and mother care about them and love them I want to keep them healthy and safe so there are rules. Is the same that of the Commandments do unto others as you want done unto yourself, Thou shalt not commit adultery- no one wants to be cheated on right? Save yourself for marriage - saves some unwanted pregnancies, children out of wedlock, not to mention STDs. Although sin seems fun and it is rules against sin is for our own good. Can not eat junk food 24/7 as we all know we will get diabetes and other health issues AKA Thall shall not be Gluttonous/ Gluttony.

[@Turnpost2552]

So what we change partners to evolve?!!!?

[@swarupasridharan8299]

Y u p yup yup

[@hlimhlimi2474]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@timothypeterson59]

This is about communication, if you don't tell your partner what you want, you wont get it. Men are not mind readers. It's time for enjoying and experiencing pleasure together and have fun doing it.

[@marilynschmidt6400]

I'd rather have a healthy relationship with the exercise equipment at the gym thanks

[@uhdudewhy7980]

The Peter Principle: People in a hierarchy tend to rise to their level of incompetence. The Nixon Principle: If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

[@andrewbrown5656]

The person or persons responsible for audio need to be fired

[@Andre-hm5vo]

Abysmal I know

[@annmurraymcblain9078]

I LOVE YOU SAGITARIOUS MY DMxxxxx

[@willsben889]

That's wonderful... Where are you from ? Greetings from New Zealand and you

[@danlhendl]

Is it a principle or is it a code of honor?

[@buddhaneosiddhananda8499]

"Your weakness is not your technique...." The Matrix (movie)

[@Atef-ph6cs]

Clitoral stimulation by own hand as many feminists do not want to be vulnerable and needy!

[@smoowear]

Because too many men believe female orgasms aren't necessary or important since it isnt not needed for reproduction.

[@mkenner2419]

I feel torn because I think my husband is handsome and he's a great guy but my body shuts down when I am being touched intimately. Like I honestly feel disgusted. This doesn't happen everything but most the time. I feel so bad for my partner because he thinks he's not attractive or can't give me what I need but I just am totally grossed out. Lol. What the heck do I do???

[@luciatat4084]

If there isn’t any trauma behind that, maybe you are not actually attracted to your husband in that way, even if you like him in other ways. You can see someone as handsome yet he is not your type at all. If you do feel attracted to him and this isn’t the case, think about it…what exactly makes you grossed? The most important thing is that you are honest with yourself.

[@tambade1]

Listen to your own words, "my body shuts down when I am being touched intimately" it has nothing to do with your partner. This really does sound like abuse, or some kind of trauma when you were young. Exploring this idea with a therapist is a good idea.

[@luckystoller6171]

A Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist can help.

[@billyjean2666]

she is made me laugh thats all, at least thats that.

[@cindy846]

‘Did your parents talked to you about pleasure?’ - Nope. They talked to me about divorce. 👌🏼

[@tensaijuusan4653]

Did this women get tangled up in the Ted Talk curtain on her way to the stage?

[@murphyjulian7393]

Tensai Juusan lol meat curtain, lolz

[@dr.jbkiran670]

Simple & Nice discription regarding women orgasm.

[@evtikarina]

THE SECRET IS "YOU HAVE TO WANT IT" - i just saved you 10 minutes, np

[@smendes2004]

Nope.

[@rudraom9]

Hello me

[@Dulles-jt6sr]

Why am i watching this.. i don't have a partner so why.. 😞 Bye..

[@hobobaggins_2712]

Me too

[@ReflectingShadow]

i think it's good to stay curious and educate yourself on every matter you can think of :)

[@Alphacentauri819]

Much education, as preparedness, is very good to have when you DO eventually have a partner :)

[@jrhawk]

Ask .... 😊

[@kriscynical]

To know what you deserve once you DO have a partner, of course. Education beforehand is a good thing.

[@dbdigital57]

Ever notice how God gave guys an “outie” visible organ and woman an “innie” hidden from sight. That actually aligns to the nature of outward pursuit by males and inner protection by women. I think women maintain that protection and it is magnified by their life experience.

[@lakolacook]

This makes more sense than anything I’ve read in a while. Thank you

[@yshgdtsggsgtwudhgs3943]

Omg

[@TheMaciel89]

Easy no.drugs smoking or drinking ,running 2 miles exercise

[@miapdx503]

Or my regime; smoke a little, drink a little, run and work out.😘

[@tompipps3383]

TOM PIPPS FOAM- BATON ROUGE LOUISUANA USA HI HELLO MY BABY &

[@kevinmartin6419]

Just letting everyone know in the comments. Within Christianity, specifically Catholicism, pleasure for the woman is highly encouraged. You can read any of this is Pope John Paul II Theology of the Body

[@legendarylightyagamiimmanu1821]

Kevin Martin HAHAHAHAH

[@smendes2004]

Not true, exactly the opposite. Female orgasm was even viewed as a transgression.

[@TheSAMMYWATINKA]

how long ago were you a catholic girl, Kevin?

[@CarolinHauser]

Interesting...have you come across Karezza?

[@harshitmishra1833]

Sensing a lot of teenagers here😅

[@sylve3456]

Women, talk about your turn-ons until it becomes normal. Most men love pleasing us, enjoy receiving what you ask for.

[@multipleemotions9344]

lmaoo 69 likes

[@AlexiaGG]

Hey, maybe you've already read Celestine Dessike's latest? If not try go’ogling her... You can learn not only how to let him hear what he secretly wants, but also experience your deepest fantasies as well while you're at it.

[@VanessaC-jp5pu]

Well this is pretty good, however try go'ogling Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire for one example that never fails to get it going. Even if you were able to speak halfway like she says you should, it makes such a huge impact in bed... as long as you're also into it lol.

[@peterpaul3166]

Men and women are not the same - prove me wrong.

[@Android-ds9ie]

What do you mean I will prove you wrong

[@gospelsolomon9427]

@@Android-ds9ie how do u prove someone wrong before u even know what they mean. U are damn wrong 😂

[@Android-ds9ie]

@@gospelsolomon9427 let him make. His. Point

[@jenniferr3032]

My man acts like it's a chore every time

[@sweetz1681]

Me too or any thing at all

[@thandosibanda4485]

I wouldn’t do that to you

[@wesleyburns4566]

It should be a honor not a chore it's called love

[@ms.sharon.7581]

My ex husband saw it as a chore, he actually told me that, he said it was too much. So I went out and found someone that appreciated it.

[@luckystoller6171]

He will die alone. Men today know better and are only too happy to please a woman. At least if they're the right kind of man. You don't need a man who makes you feel like it's a chore--you deserve better! We all do.

[@harrygraham4171]

The scrawny cut cumulatively wink because north korea undoubtedly satisfy around a billowy secure. astonishing, adhesive kenneth

[@emanuelacomerio5334]

Vivo in itaglia, nella regione Piemonte. Vivo agiatamente nella tenuta agricola San Pietro. Abbiamo vacche, agnelli, capre. Il mio compito é mettere gli ebbrei tra cagne e capre e separare le vacche da uomini e donne. Mi piace leggere. E' no. Filmato.

[@soulos7081]

She thinks some people exercising at the gym are "rats"

[@naynamangalore]

does it mean that a woman who loves going to the gym and has no desire of giving up workouts is always going to be spontaneous and horny and never responsive?

[@nileshpremprakash7144]

That was an analogy...

[@Sanjirpinion]

🤦🏼‍♀️

[@shainzen]

Nilesh Prem Prakash that was a sarcastic rethorical question

[@maryannelaffert1549]

The luxuriant crime hemodynamically invite because lung positionally steer failing a alive gazelle. noiseless, obeisant sweatshirt

[@lawsonbrinton682]

Hello Maryanne

[@julianarussill3130]

?

[@lawsonbrinton682]

@@julianarussill3130 how are you doing?

[@ramsay19481]

My dad told me about Italian women during ww2 that got their heads shaved and men washing with gasoline to try to wash them off.. lol

[@susanparker4011]

Dafuk

[@bartholomewchuzzlewit4356]

????

[@ramsay19481]

@@bartholomewchuzzlewit4356 Venereal disease...

[@bartholomewchuzzlewit4356]

@@ramsay19481 that would be exciting. ..you can leave me out of that one. 😊

[@ramsay19481]

@@bartholomewchuzzlewit4356 I would imagine the ones who were directly involved felt the same way.....

[@MLA263]

Does anyone has the feeling that after 11 minutes she still said nothing?

[@MLA263]

@@rudeboy7542 indeed! Very disappointing though