Goth Imposter Syndrome

There was a lot of pressure that I felt as a young goth to look a certain way. It was never said nor even implied but the pressure to dress in the caliber of finery, have the precision to pull off expert eyeliner and to have teasable hair was real. Real and totally self imposed. I felt unseen, insufficient...fake. Like loving the music meant nothing if I was trying to pass off a hook and eye girdle as a corset over my black dress from Joyce Leslie. No amount of rosaries could conceal the fact that I didn't blow $100s on an underbust corset, petticoat and pennangalan victim L5 boots from Religious sex or Jeannie Nitro mail ordered from The Black Rose. I understand the pressure that young Goths are under but today it's not all self imposed. There are people out there telling kids that they're not good enough or don't belong because they can't afford the latest, greatest from (insert big goth retailer) It's not true. You are good enough and you do belong.
Song: Sophya - Another Day

[@sagaharper4027]

It’s weird that some goths judge other goths for not wearing brand clothing or expensive clothing in a subculture that is so strongly based on DIY and thrifting. Goth or not, I think it’s really disgusting to look down on someone for not wearing brand clothing or expensive clothing. Also, love your videos Angela❤️

[@grobanite4ever85]

It is disgusting. They claim they are Goth but don't like the music. You can't be Goth if you don't like the Goth music. It is a music based subculture! Wearing Goth fashion is not a requirement you have to be a fan of Goth music as well to be a Goth. That is what Kai Decadence said! The people that only care about Goth fashion are just darkly inclined not Goth

[@thatbitchnoemie]

There's also those who judge other goths for dressing over the top / in-your-face goth. Like, what about letting people do whatever the hell they want ? You wanna thrift and DIY, you go gurl. You wanna splurge on Killstar and Punk Rave, you go gurl. It's all great and valid

[@mariemcgowan-irving6156]

@@thatbitchnoemie yes! I make all my own clothes but they're very OTT, corsets and bustle skirts, feathery capelets, etc. I am very theatrical and it's okay to be like that.

[@thatbitchnoemie]

@@mariemcgowan-irving6156 Kudos to you, I wish I could make my own 90s inspired clothes but I can't do shiet with my hands 😩

[@Skelloween]

In my day making your own clothes was considered rad. Also we would avoid saying words like rad cause we were too cool for school.

[@roxannablack666]

Please Dark Lord, let’s have a Goth Renaissance. Let’s bring back the energy that NYC in the 90s felt. That positive, black energy, but NOT the gatekeeping.

[@vexation5]

Yes! A Gothaissance: The Age of Endarkenment.

[@roxannablack666]

@@vexation5 YES!!

[@vexation5]

@@roxannablack666 🏴👻🏴

[@DarklyYours]

Make America Goth Again!

[@roxannablack666]

@@DarklyYours I pledge allegiance to The Cure...

[@staruletto9194]

Basing the scene soley on fashion (especially expensive name brand fashion) is classist as fuck and I won't have any of it 😤

[@MetFreak42]

🤘💀🤘

[@chrisbell7133]

Commie goths represent! Solidarity gothrade!

[@angelabenedict]

Damn right! We're all here to have fun!

[@grilledcheese5000]

@@chrisbell7133 Thank you for introducing me to the term "gothrade". It's absolutely perfect

[@Meg_88]

Agreed. As bad as gatekeeping solely by music, in my opinion. Over all, goth is about going against the norm anyway.

[@lynxfang3352]

I've said it before, I'll say it again, THE CLOTHES DON'T MAKE YOU GOTH! It's about the lifestyle, the music, and the attitude.

[@angelabenedict]

Truth!

[@lynxfang3352]

@@angelabenedict I DMed you on insta, check your message requests

[@karlvickroy4532]

Preach it ✋

[@thegrimrejoice]

Exactly this!

[@jaqenhghar4602]

Definitely! in fact, in our day we made our clothes. It’s sad to see so much of what some people identify as Goth has been commercialized.

[@sharonironman4547]

As a true 80s goth ( old ages now 😂 ) us goths made are own goth clothing out of anything black , skills etc it was the uniqueness

[@sarahkelly4026]

I was going to say this. Me and my goth buddies were in sewing class together in high school.

[@sophisticatedPJs]

If it's any consolation, I'm a gen z goth that's still pretty new to the subculture, but I try to DIY my own clothes when I can^^

[@sarahkelly4026]

@@sophisticatedPJs that's awesome. DIY can do attitude will get you far along in *anything* you choose to do. 🖤

[@blightedroses2423]

I took sewing for 6 years school, kind of wish there were other goths there.

[@leolady6588]

Exactly. Why does it matter? Dress to express yourself, not impress.Love and wear what you like and what inspires you. And what your budget stretches to. Don't compare yourself to others. Uniqueness is what people really notice. Everybody will always have an opinion. Goth is an essence of self in an ever evolving movement that transcends the confines of modern fashion and lifestyle. Embrace it all. Stop labelling.

[@whosmodern5592]

Peter Murphy once said in an interview; If you can't be Goth under A bare white light bulb then you are never going to be. slightly paraphrased as the interview was mid eighties and my memory isn't what it was

[@angelabenedict]

Ahhh, Peter. Love that man.

[@jennasalzan1808]

This resonates a lot. As a young goth surrounded by the world of TikTok and “aesthetics”, goth and other alt fashions have been so hyped up lately and it feels so fake sometimes and I always self compare. I have orange and purple hair and every goth girl I see on Instagram has black hair, elaborate makeup, expensive clothes, etc. and it just never makes me feel adequate in my appearance. Sometimes I dress so lazy and wear vans with black clothes and it’ll make feel ashamed sometimes because I’m not at my “gothiest of goth”. It’s really reassuring seeing other people going through the same thing as me. I like to thrift a lot of my gothic clothes but sometimes I just do feel left out or something. But I really do find solace in all of these comments. I just wish things weren’t based on ones appearance so much. It’s truly a lot of pressure and sadness. I know in the end, I’m passionate about this at heart and the music and ideals are what’s most important. Just wish other people would see it too!

[@negativevibemerchant2670]

Yeah I feel that. I’m 38 an I dress and look how I want and don’t do goth by numbers in terms of my appearance but have always considered myself part of the subculture. I’ve really stopped trying to be someone else’s goth and just been my own.

[@jennasalzan1808]

@@negativevibemerchant2670 I love that for you! I’m working on that for myself. I know who I am at heart whether I’m wearing black velvet and platforms or purple tie dye and vans. There’s no use trying to prove ourselves to other people. Thank you for the words of inspo!

[@taty6049]

The whole making goth trendy has really put me down because i feel like they’re all making fun of me and it makes me upset to see how everyone started spending a lot of money to wear the things I’ve always wanted

[@a_forest_lullaby7356]

It’s really boring when everyone looks the same.

[@jennasalzan1808]

@@taty6049 I totally agree with that. It’s such a shame too because I know for sure people stare at me in public and probably make fun of me in their heads but yet on TikTok/social media, looking goth or alt is all of a sudden cool. The most I’ve spent money on gothic clothes were for rare pieces like corsets and one killstar splurge but otherwise, I thrift all my goth clothes or do other online thrift type stores like Depop. It’s definitely a shame seeing the subculture put under some fake inauthentic light. Hopefully the “trend” will die out and we can go back to existing peacefully without all the self comparing and posers haha

[@EdieNippoli]

I have noticed A LOT that online goths can be much harsher and nastier than the people you might encounter in your local scene. I have never met anyone at an in person goth event that gave two shits about if I was wearing a super expensive "goth brand".

[@LonelyAssassin96]

Frankly, there's a lot of gatekeeping in pretty much any online community. I feel it's a lot worse in communities that have a devoted "aesthetic" that people generally stick to, like lolita fashion and absolutely goth. I think it might be due in part to the fact that it's a lot easier to be an ass online, as there's no threat of getting punched in the face behind a computer screen.

[@annianxiety5408]

I have never been enough to belong in any subculture. First the punks did not accept me because I was to feminine and too polished and too goth. Now I got asked if I listen some other music than goth, because I don’t have a lot of money and had to wear my combat boots at clubs too. But the best thing is, I don’t care anymore. I can be mixture of many subcultures. I love the music and that should be enough.

[@ScorpionFlower95]

👏

[@thevelvetundergr0und490]

I feel the same way! I listen to both punk rock and goth music and I prefer not to label myself as a goth or punk , I just am myself!

[@kelstew3]

I’ve felt like that , because I black girl into the scene. And I didn’t feel accepted because I wasn’t pale. But I know now that. I shouldn’t let people dictate who I am and what I’m in too. Gothic Lolita started for me.

[@natlaveau]

It is so crazy that you mention looking at all these other goths in the scene and not help but compare yourself to them because I am going through that EXACT SAME THING let me tell you. I have been struggling with not finding my own look as “garbage” when I look at someone else. There are all these girls I just aspire to look like, so I guess I am going through imposter syndrome at the moment. I can’t help but feel guilty about feeling this way. Looking at other goths and saying “oh my god I am NOT on their level” and feel not so great after. I really needed this reassurance so thank you thank you

[@angelabenedict]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's really tough to compete with things like credit cards and filters and nowadays it's tough to tell what's real and what's fake or distorted. If I had the knowledge then, that I do now I'd feel much differently. What it really boils down to is the grass always being greener on the other side. It's all about knowing your strengths and rocking them. V necks make the neck look longer, the teeniest bit of sun tan oil smooths out unruly hair, Cap sleeves make arms look buff, dusting your lips with concealer powder after lipstick creates a matte finish and keeps your lipstick from bleeding (also a great way to get corpse lips), going over your makeup with a hydrating spray such as yon-ka pink mist lotion will give you a dewy finish. We're our worst critics, I guarantee if you could see yourself through the eyes of others you'd feel much better

[@natlaveau]

@@angelabenedict I definitely didn’t cry! 😭 thank you thank you again! I will never give up on the music or my roots because I truly does make me feel so so happy! Love you lots 🖤

[@bagelmold6137]

if your pfp is you then you’re rlly pretty

[@natlaveau]

@@bagelmold6137 thank you! 🥺

[@Toxihex]

You look good lmao. You don't need to go above and beyond with makeup, clothes and hair, you just need to have your own thing. Looking effortless is a look too. Idk about others here but to me, being able to pull off the minimum in a way others would need ten times the effort to replicate is way more important than reaching a "quota" in how complex your look is. I'm pretty sure you could do that. Always feels amazing to be the exception when people love the way you do something they usually wouldn't give a second of their day to.

[@caitlynj0nes]

A lot of those fashion goths are just preppies in disguise who are following the new found goth-is-cool-now trend.

[@felipe21279]

I've been goth since like, 2002. Went once to a high-profile club where i was like the only person who didn't looked "goth" at all. Some people looked at me with disdain, while others spoke to me in a condescending manner. You could feel the arrogance in the air, almost as if i was a pleb having the audacity to frequent an aristocratic ball. Then when we started talking about music, oooooh they were so lost. That boring guy wearing a David Bowie shirt was lecturing them about post-punk and mentioning goth bands and scenes they had no idea of. I must admit that i loved every single bit of that moment.

[@BlackDeathXxBlackXDeathxX]

I have pretty much giving up on even trying to look goth. I am goth in my heart and have been since I was 11 or 12 and I was so obsessed for so long making sure I looked the part. I’m 35 and I have given up because I have been told online by younger goths telling me that I’m not goth because I do not live in my goth aesthetic 24/7. Most of my goth outfits are simple black things I picked up from thrift stores. I don’t give up my music or my knowledge I just have given up in dressing goth because I let younger people who can afford the big brands tell me I’m not goth enough

[@themoonflowerfaerie]

That’s so sad. I understand, but it doesn’t matter what they think. Most of my clothes are thrifted and then I add jewelry/charms, etc to look more Goth. I only have a few pieces from major brands. I hope you will do what makes you happy and not let these people discourage you anymore. I’ve been there and it’s no fun. Blessings 💜🦇

[@tulipwindmill]

That is so sad. Give them the middle finger and wear what you want. My mates are hitting 50 and still Goths x

[@BlackDeathXxBlackXDeathxX]

@@themoonflowerfaerie thank you and I try not to get discouraged. Both my kids are leaning more towards the goth aesthetic they’re 12 and 14 but I make sure they know the music more than anything. I do try to give myself days where I dress up even if it’s just to sit around the house. The negative things said about me is what caused me to stop doing KZbin videos.

[@BlackDeathXxBlackXDeathxX]

@@themoonflowerfaerie thank you and I try not to get discouraged. Both my kids are leaning more towards the goth aesthetic they’re 12 and 14 but I make sure they know the music more than anything. I do try to give myself days where I dress up even if it’s just to sit around the house. The negative things said about me is what caused me to stop doing KZbin videos.

[@themoonflowerfaerie]

@@BlackDeathXxBlackXDeathxX I’m sorry that happened to you you. I know what it feels like and it’s only recently for me, that I’ve decided it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, I have to be myself and try to have some fun. Take care 🙂

[@__lillie__]

I'm bit of a new goth, I've been a metalhead most of my life, mostly blackmetal, and I'm getting into goth music. I always dressed goth inspired, but I don't need to dress full on goth/metalhead everyday to know that I am. Noone has to base their idenity only around their style

[@winternightmarecrochet]

For years I have admired the goth scene and I was convinced I didn't belong and I couldn't be a part of it, until I learned that I don't have to practice witchcraft, wear all the bondage stuff, etc. I was very reassured when I learned that I could just be myself. And to those who judge: keep your judgement to yourself, my being goth has nothing to do with you, just like your gothness isn't determined by what anyone else thinks of you.

[@Valchee9192631770]

Noo! You were supposed to offer your firstborn to Moloch and pray for eternal damnation! My plan is ruined! -Love, Satan.

[@winternightmarecrochet]

@@Valchee9192631770 too bad, cause I'm never gonna have kids loll

[@wendyroseofficial]

I`m 39 and was big into the Goth Scene at a club call Esquires in the UK. I will never forget having a conversation with a guy my same age a few years ago now. I said 'I used to be a goth.' I stopped me, looked me in the eye and very sternly said 'No! You are a goth! Because once a goth always a goth! You have just changed your outside appearance.' Those words were so powerful to me, and are so true.

[@gloomykusinagivlog9798]

Only people I've come across who judge a person based on brands were the people outside of the scene. They don't know anything about the subculture other than the aesthetic. Ignore them, dress for you not for them. This seems to be more of something we went through in our teens. Though I will admit as a teen, I was an elitist after dealing with the mean remarks on my lack of expensive attire. Not the best way to be at all! I will admit. I do remember thinking "and you're poseur" every time I got negative comments from some person who only dressed the part. That's not cool. 35 year old me could probably not convince 16 year old me any different though. It would be nice if these people took the time to look at the other qualities a person has instead of just what they are wearing...🦇🦇

[@RnR-Rebel]

I wish these people would’ve seen what the goth bands & fans were wearing in the late 70s-80s🤣! There were no “brands” per se, there were indie designers, thrift shops & home sewing jumbled all up w/ every underground style around. Tbh, back then the few who spent loads on goth “outfits” were usually frowned upon as “unoriginal”, but still accepted as was anyone into the music. It’s a music subculture for goodness sake! Thank you Angela for being a voice for younger goths being essentially bullied by people who have no right to so. Smooches! Jet 🧡🎸🎶⚡️😻🦇🐈‍⬛

[@vanthosanasthasia6333]

My girlfriend had to step away from the local goth scene in San Antonio Tx because of this. They would treat me as if I belonged but my girlfriend was always having to be made to feel like shit because she didn't want to dress that way at all. That's especially insulting when she would always be at the merch table buying stuff from the bands that played while the people that made her feel awful only bought more drinks.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

I have had the same experiences. I'm not in SA but in Dallas. Idk if this is a Texas thing 🤣

[@bums009]

@Evil Minion lmao you can't date people with different aesthetics now? Some of you really need to get over yourselves honestly...

[@vanthosanasthasia6333]

@Evil Minion I really hope you're being sarcastic with this. She doesn't dislike the goth aesthetic. She just doesn't want the look for herself. Matter of fact she buys a lot of the music, especially deathrock, and often buys accessories and jewelry that fits the subculture. She just doesn't like wearing the main outfit of all-black on herself and doesn't ever see herself doing something with her hair such as shaving or teasing. People are allowed to date whoever they want. I'd rather have days of sharing music with her and browsing through an etsy shop for cool trinkets than give any time to someone who can only see someone for their outfit.

[@vanthosanasthasia6333]

@@ASMRyouVEGANyet From my experience in San Antonio the goth scene here can be way too obsessed with the image. Even then it's a very narrow and stereotypical idea of what goth is supposed to look like because they seem to think only black is allowed.

[@vanthosanasthasia6333]

@@bums009 I was actually shocked at their response. Do some people even watch the rest of Angela's videos? Or listen to what she has to say in full? Of Herbs and Altars is another goth youtuber that touches upon this very subject in at least a couple videos. For what it's worth my girlfriend has a romantic occult sort of vibe going. Lots of Santa Muerte, witchcraft, dark flowers, Spanish style dresses, etc. She's big into the dark and magick side of her culture and finds it more inspiring and fun to take after that aesthetic in her own way than to dress like the goths from Europe and the UK. That has never been her. When she was travelling in north Italy and Rome around 2006-7 the goths and punks she came across loved her style.

[@ShawnSJames]

Glad to see you back. Powerful message. Clothes don't make a person Goth, It's the character of the person that makes them Goth. And a love of the music. Because the music is the foundation of the subculture.

[@lias8006]

especially with the rise of Instagram type "goth" brands and the trope models of those brands, this feeling of goth imposter syndrome exists so much because of this new niche of style of what goth is. But over time it's really about how you feel at heart, and Angela's videos really help to explain that 🖤

[@mariemcgowan-irving6156]

I did laugh at the 'I didn't spend all this money on Killstar' thing because it's ludicrous. I'm in the UK and have been going to goth gigs and clubs since the late 80s, I was dressing goth before that. I remember what things used to cost - Angela brings up Religious sex, and they're just one place. I started sewing my own clothes because nothing fit me, and if it did fit it looked terrible on me, and the places full of the kind of things I wanted to wear were out of my budget. So I made my own, I built up a wardrobe of things slowly until I dressed the way I wanted. Goth fashion has always been expensive and even if you love the music, quite often the clothes are absolute obsession because you can download any tune recorded anywhere in the world at any time, but getting a corset that fits or a skirt that's the right length without alterations isn't that easy, even for so-called standard sizes. Even with the choices we have, and the sheer amount of second hand 'label' goth wear you can find with a quick search on ebay or depop, if you're over/ under a certain size or height you're not getting to wear the cool labels. Groups are full of people who think that there's some hidden font of incredibly cheap, amazing gothwear and there just isn't. The people who do it on a budget work hard at it by combing through online shops and markets, second hand shops, every sale they ever spot. Even the most expensive dress Killstar produces doesn't come anywhere near the relative cost of Lip Service/ Jeannie Nitro in the 90s. We all managed without and we're still here being black-clad weirdos :)

[@holliisixx]

This is why I stopped trying to look like any subculture after age 14-16 or so. My school had a lot of "emos" and generally speaking they're the same assholes at their core as anyone else you meet. God those were embarrassing times.

[@RedMoonCreates]

When I first got into goth music, I had impostor syndrome cause I thought I wasn't goth enough. I was like "shit I cant compete with these other people" then when I got older I was like "dude I work a Monday to Friday 3pm-1130pm job where I have a uniform/have to tone a lot down in my makeup I am too tired to try to look the part unless on the weekends or if im going out at night. Im goth enough because I have alien sex fiend blasting in my eardrums while I mop this damn fucking floor, ill go to the damn club on the weekend "

[@indi-go1868]

It’s soooo hard not to compare yourself to other goths, especially as someone new to the scene. I love hearing your stories and what knowledge you’ve gained over the years. Another lovely video, Angela!

[@grobanite4ever85]

Those Goths who are for fashion only are not Goths because Goth is music based subculture. This came from Kai Decadence. Fashion "Goths" are just darkly inclined.

[@courtneycherry5582]

This!!!!! It's why I say I'm into gothic fashion not goth fashion.

[@destroymalefeminists]

gatekeeping the gatekeeper, eh?

[@reapgrimm2995]

@@destroymalefeminists it's not "gatekeeping" to state a simple fact. Grow up.

[@Sleipnirseight]

The idea that buying overpriced sweatshop, slave-made clothing makes someone superior to anyone else is 🤮

[@tstymctst]

It really sucks that anyone has to feel like that about the subculture. It makes me very grateful that I'm from a rural state and got interested in goth in the 90s so I didn't have a lot to compare myself to that would make me feel inadequate. I also had a mother who constantly impressed on me the importance of not following the crowd. By the time I could rock the aesthetic (mostly) the way I wanted, I had knowledge of the history and music, and I had learned a lot about how to dress in ways that I found comfortable and flattering for my body. I do still get a bit envious of thinner goths and goths who spend a lot of money on their clothes, but it doesn't usually last long. I like the wardrobe I've put together from mainstream stores and second-hand shops/sites, with the occasional splurge item from independent designers and small brands. I like being able to post outfit pics on instagram so a few people see a little variety in the tags when my fat, nearly 40 self pops up like #gothisnotkillstar. I wish I knew how to give that confidence to people who are struggling with feeling like they belong. (It probably involves interacting with strangers.)

[@LonelyAssassin96]

Yeah, growing up in a small town where all the punks, goths, and metalheads kinda got grouped together really did help with the whole self esteem thing. I'm 24, and was always under the impression that it didn't matter how you dressed so long as you vibed with the scene.

[@DeepPoeticSociety]

You know it’s a damn good Friday when Angela drops a video this early!

[@angelabenedict]

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[@feywerfolevado6286]

I think that cultivating a true, individual and personal style in the gothic subculture is important. They say imitation is the best form of flattery. It’s natural to experiment until you find your own tastes/etc. Of course, copying is always there. But a true unique style is always unforgettable. Nice to see you posting btw! Makes me want to show my face again in a video.

[@deemess6589]

I love the way you talk sincerely about your beginnings in the scene. It's very cool of you to help and elucidate the youngsters about things that very few elder Goths talk about but everyone of us experienced in one way or another. Greetings from Europe. 🦇🦇🦇

[@recorder71]

I most certainly remember those two girls with the braids!!! I fucking miss 90's NYC...the Bank, the Batcave, the Pyramid were all my hangouts back then. We probably were on the same dance floors many times!

[@angelabenedict]

I knew someone would remember them! They were iconic!

[@recorder71]

@@angelabenedict They were iconic for sure! I wonder what they look like now?!?

[@viciouslady1340]

I miss save the robots

[@recorder71]

@@viciouslady1340 Ugh...YESSS!!!

[@amarantheinwhite]

I was just thinking about this yesterday! I was scrolling through killstar feeling like my thrifted and hand made outfits weren’t enough anymore. Feeling so worthless and wondering if I was “goth enough” because I’m not very good with makeup. I never do anything with my hair. And I can’t afford Demonias or Killstar clothes. It was dumb. But it’s a thing we all feel once in a while. Thank you for talking about this. It made me feel a lot better. 🥲

[@DarkEntries]

Watching you makes me feel extremely comfortable being 30-something goth. Deeply appreciative 🖤🦇✨

[@tulipwindmill]

This is partly the reason why my friends don't join groups online anymore way too much of the " you aren't Goth enough!" The eldest is very much into the vampire aesthetic, hell he even has real fangs. Get's the, "you just copied Vampire Diaries" or whatever show is en vogue at the time. Fact is, he has been vamping it up since the 1990s, inspired by books before movies. He can afford the good stuff, but tends to stick more to good quality black suits and adds Gothic attire, more like a gentleman vampire fitting his age, although, he still will Goth himself up if the fancy takes him. He says, it doesn't matter what you wear, or how much you spend, you do you when it comes to attire, as long as you are happy and comfortable. He is disturbed by a lot of what he sees online these days in the community.

[@gingercakeee]

As a half black person that considers themselves as "gothesque" in style. I kind of don't care what anyone says. I wear what I want and style how I please. A lot of the scene does not like me anyway.

[@zeroblacksun]

I'm so glad that you were my introduction to the goth scene a couple of years ago. I wish more youngsters can look at this video and really take in the message that you are sending.

[@___Emily__]

Amen. I’m no less goth because I refuse to dye my hair black, but some people might think so and that’s just their opinion at the end of the day. I love the music. To me, that’s enough. I’m content with who I am, the black clothes I wear, the music I listen to every day, and the hair I was born with. Goth is meant to be enjoyed.

[@willowspring2916]

I'm from an Eastern-European country, and when I first went to a goth club completely alone, in my thriftstore black things I felt really welcomed... It was a tiny subculture around 2005-6, and most people had more of a punk-ish attitude towards clothing, let it be cheap and black, enjoy the music. After a few years most learnt how to sew or had custom made stuff, or bought things at western-eu festivals, so aestethically things looked fancier. There were a few newcomers, mostly metalhead teen girls in jeans and band tees, who didn't know much about the music. Somehow the "old timers" weren't so open towards them. (I got some CD-s to borrow the first time I set foot in a goth club from new friends as "you seem like you would enjoy it"). About this time in a "dark second hand" things started to get stolen, and even clubs weren't so safe as before. (If you put your drink down, someone drank it, if you put your extra layer lacy top down, it went missing...) Later, when the same group got the "right" clothes, the scene changed, to a more competitive "who has better stuff" type of vibe. For example I kept my original haircolour, as I had waist-lenght, and nobody criticised that before, but I started to get negative remarks from random girls in club bathrooms. O_O My attitude is rather contrary, so I didn't take it to my heart. :D I dislike the consumerist turn the subculture took, and how it became from a "all backgrounds are welcome" to "you are only welcome, if you have enough disposable income to spend on the RIGHT clothes and the skills and time to do your makup the RIGHT way". I felt goth even when wearing a barbie pink dress, and bleached blonde hair, I feel goth while wearing work-appropriate clothes, I feel goth fully naked. No mean girl in black can change that. :D

[@themoonflowerfaerie]

First of all, I don’t know why you would ever feel insecure as you are probably the most beautiful Goth woman I’ve ever seen. However, I know we all see ourselves differently than others do. I also know you were very young and comparing yourself to others who had the ability to obtain the types of clothes you desired at the time. Second, I love how you think about the feelings of other people; especially baby bats 💜. You always encourage and stand up for what is right. It shows that not only are you beautiful on the outside, but inside as well. Take care sweetie and see you soon 💜🦇

[@samxsara]

I’m a Libra too! Born in 77. I can so relate. As I was discovering the scene at 18 in 1995, I remember feeling like I belonged bc the whole lot of my emotions found « resonance » in these clubs with these people who were sophisticated outcasts, in some ways. But then the scene kinda changed and like you said some fashion victim goths appears, (porte-manteau, we called them in French) and really I didn’t feel anyone could relate on a deep level anymore. It was no longer about the music or the emotion or the art.. it was about showing off and doing mdma, for some, like really? What a disgrace. I still long for these old times when I danced to old songs that I call soundtracks of my life (like headhunter by front 242) that just never got old... there was something so magickal happening right there, like tapping into raw emotional energy and feeling right where I was supposed to be in time & space.

[@kailyn1011]

this was a wonderful and touching video!! hopefully people focus on what it's really about which is the music. i remember not wanting to get into goth a few years ago because of some people i had interacted with saying that if you didn't dress tradgoth every day you had no business listening to goth music, which sounds so ridiculous now, but i believed everything when i was 13 and 14, especially coming from people who seemed to have the whole scene figured out and acted like they knew everything. im so thankful that i've found your channel and others that have guided me in the right direction, thank you!!

[@eliseblue4713]

Fashion goth sounds about right. Other apt descriptors could be boujee goth, classist goth, snob goth or in the case of credit cards: debt goth.

[@meowmeow1stgen668]

I will admit that now that I’m older I’m a lot more boujee (which has to do with having a lot more money) but for many years I lived in cheap black leggings, boots and tshirts and a black coat when it was cold.

[@kristinewalsh6754]

Debt goth 😂😂😂

[@rose-blossoms]

About a year ago, I got these black creepers with 1.5 inch heels. I loved those shoes, but when I wore them to school with my unusual outfits I stood out so much and felt a bit insecure. Funny thing was that despite the my amateur babybat diy fishnet top and black jeans, I still felt too different anywhere else yet didn’t measure up to the gorgeous Instagram goths. So I guess that’s my little experience with imposter syndrome.

[@TheRunawayOfToday]

when I lived in Hollywood I was barely scraping by so all my "goth" clothes had to come from goodwill. I scraped by fine enough in the goth scene but there was a definite feeling I was underperforming as a starving artist

[@mysteriiis]

Starving artist? Sounds like you were, by definition, Goth as fuck.

[@rere213]

I definitely know how you felt. There was no Killstar back then. DIY was the best! U are so beautiful 🖤

[@chepbcreate]

Thank you so much for making this. It's such a reassurance for us newbies getting into goth

[@rere213]

It's like a hazing u have to go through to be accepted by "cool" goths. Unfortunately I allowed myself to go through this bullying just to be accepted.

[@evelynrenee9513]

This story reminds me if when I use to work in San Francisco as a massage therapist. Would go straight to Death Guild from work in a black graphic T and yoga pants and minimal makeup dancing alone with people who looked like they just walked out of an Ann Rice novel. In the end no-one cared but me. But it took so long to feel like I belonged there.

[@sorcha254]

Sex, Death and Eyeliner...great 90's goth documentary. I really miss San Francisco now.

[@johndupaix7127]

Man I miss death guild. Fun place :)

[@miraclemay24]

It's so hard to get even proper black clothes and every goth shop around is so expensive 😔

[@kaylajames9334]

I have suffered with Goth imposter syndrome probably ever since I came to the subculture almost 2 years back. This video really helped me a lot and I am going to share it.

[@Reason1717]

As huge Goth music fan I came to this video. Glad I did, loved your insightful take on things presented in a intelligent manner. I miss my Goth days, glad your keeping the flame :)

[@aytakk]

$10-15 to get into a club in 1994 is so expensive! People complained about paying $5-10 here in 2020! Yes, that quote was from reddit in r/goth. You can't buy a goth card, you earn it through participation. No one owes anyone goth cred for doing nothing. Hell, no one owes you anything! Best to enjoy it and grow with it as Angela says. Goth is a journey, not a destination.

[@demonicastar]

I remember back in the day when lip service was a desired alt brand, I used to buy it mostly off of Ebay, good times 😁

[@itskitty808]

Totally agree with you. You always have such excellent insights on the goth subculture! You aren't afraid to speak your mind, which makes you a badass. 🖤🤘🏻 your messages in your videos are always positive and empowering.

[@angelabenedict]

Thank you!

[@itskitty808]

@@angelabenedict you're welcome

[@TheSugarLPS]

I'm kind of new in the goth scene and I posted my make up on this fb group and this one girl stared to say I don't look goth enough... made me feel sad... thank you for this video it made me feel lot better!

[@koffinkat666]

I'm on step twelve of Gate keepers anonymous

[@angelabenedict]

What was step 11?

[@koffinkat666]

@@angelabenedict Thou shall not argue the origins of Goth music.....I failed that step many times 🤐

[@RoryPattonDreamerOfDunsidhe]

Well you look great now. I particularly love the way you matched your eye make-up to your lighting, that's class. One can only hope some of the kids suffering the way you did develop such good taste. Insecurity is part of the human condition, we all go through it particularly when we're young. Sadly in one Facebook group I spend time in we get a lot of young people not only being bullied for being different sat school, but also in some Facebook groups where they're told they're not Goth. Mostly they just need a bit of encouragement like your post today.

[@witchylaurie]

Personally I feel the imposter syndrome with music, because I'm having a real hard time enjoying the "old" goth bands (Bauhaus, The Cure, etc...). I feel like this because i'm more enclined to bands like Drab Majesty, Chrom, Seraphim shock, etc... you know, these bands that doesn't sound exactly like the OGs from the 80s?

[@faux_humulus]

Ugh, thank you so much for making this! I can relate so hard to so much of what you mentioned. I remember feeling really bad about how I looked at my first goth night. Even though people I met there were quite welcoming and I did feel a sense of belonging. It was all self imposed, but the online scene really has me feeling like that again. I love seeing your content because it feels good to watch someone with a more subdued look that I can relate to. I'm really sorry that you get hateful comments. Those people are absolute trash.

[@thatbitchnoemie]

I felt imposter syndrome a LOT when I was a teen goth. Now, I'm 23 and I'm way past that. I would rather be one of those goths who wear basic black thrifted clothes with no makeup 24/7, and involve myself in the music and literature. I'm so glad I'm past this because added to general low self-esteem, anxiety and depression, it felt extremely destructive.

[@LucindaEulalie]

Imposter syndrome is certainly something I feel everyday as a goth! I certainly don’t look goth (not everyday) and I don’t own a lot of goth clothes and accessories or makeup. So I really feel like I don’t belong!

[@Anonymous-wb3nz]

If you are a fan of Goth music, you DO belong.

[@LucindaEulalie]

@@Anonymous-wb3nz I am, I listen to metal as well but I am a fan of goth music. I also listen to other things

[@Anonymous-wb3nz]

@@LucindaEulalie most Goths do listen to other genres besides just Goth. You're good!

[@LucindaEulalie]

@@Anonymous-wb3nz thanks!

[@Anonymous-wb3nz]

@@LucindaEulalie 🖤

[@floydkelley3]

As a former DJ that specialized in playing for the Gothic subculture, hearing your story reminds me of every club I ever stepped into. There was definitely a hierarchy in the scene and you had to fight to gain respect. At first, I didn't understand this as I thought everyone was there for the same reason. After getting acquainted with everyone on a more personal level, the reasons for the elitism started to make itself manifest. The clubs that I spun for didn't have dress codes or some sort of exclusive membership so it was common for the creatures of the night to have to share the dance floor with drunken frat boys who thought it was amusing (or a sexual turn on) to harass the girls (and the more feminine boys). The job of the staff was to keep an eye out for troublemakers and have them escorted out if things got out of hand. Even though there were definite factions within the clubs themselves, if an outsider bothered a regular, it wasn't the bouncer that you needed to be wary of, it was the other club patrons. Many a time occurred when some "normie" who had a little too much to drink bothered the wrong girl and a swarm of people would come to the rescue. I've seen more gay men kick the ass of a football jock than I could possibly count. But I digress... The main reason that there was a hierarchy in the club scene was that it kept inauthenticity out of its ranks; too many people got fucked with constantly because of their unique appearances and the club was a safe space. If you truly wanted to become "family" in the club, you best bring your A-game because no one was messing about - this was a lifestyle, not a trend.

[@eccaetchings5587]

“Be the Goth Queen you wanted to be when you were 12” - this resonates so well. My 12yo self would cry tears of joy. My 15yo self… I’ve been healing. I keep saying I’ve been a “sheltered babybat constantly going through a revolving door”. I keep coming back to the music, subculture, and fashion-my true self. I’ve always been alt, but my Goth Self… Imposter Syndrome out the wazoo. “Was I ever truly Goth?!”- despite finding and listening to Goth music. I know more now than I did then. Elder Goths have discreetly crossed paths with me. Even if they didn’t look the part, they all told me about dying clothes and listening to post-punk. There was one Goth who ridiculed me but she also has some issues, may darkness rest her soul. The others were kinder to me. I still feel that imposter syndrome. I have more access to music, which I adore. I’m grateful, and I’m grateful for finding your channel. It’s been helpful in my healing journey and coming back to myself. Thank you 🖤 And I’m so sorry you were bullied. 😢💔 You didn’t deserve that.

[@petrichorweather350]

I've been goth Since I was younger And now with the new "generation" I've come back to the community feeling like I'm a fake goth. But I remind myself, By looking at the first generation of goths that's it's not all about brands. We should always remember to be our own goth

[@Sciathan_Leathair]

Much love, lady. Much love. It's like you live in my brain meats and tell the world about it!

[@angelabenedict]

Shuvani!! I miss you

[@rowie6666]

The song playing in the back is so great!!!

[@hazmatforhumanity7318]

I love this video. Also as a 90's goth kid myself who also always had a foot in the rave scene and wrote electronic music. I remember the scene being a bit more diverse and including freakier raver kids or club kids, etc. There was always a bit of cross over with the hippy looking goth girls (I'm from Denver so many of our goth girls grew up in Boulder, hippy central). Goth fashion back then felt more personal in a way, it wasn't something yo looked for actively online, it was based on shopping around until you just stumble across that perfect thing that you fall in love with. My friend Alan preferred the term "phreaks" instead of goths, because there's so much more to it. Rivetheads, Punks, Ravers, Hippies, Goths, Drag Queens and Club Kids all made up the goth scene in Denver in the 90's and I miss that diversity and flavor more than anything.

[@megalopolis2015]

Awesome. My Gothic tendencies weren't there in order to fit into a mold, but to express more fully who I am. I go to thrift stores for my lace and velvet, and only wear a corset for special occasions. Crosses have always been a part of my aesthetic, for my faith, not just the look. I wear primarily black, with a splash or two of color. While I've always been a "categorize this" kind of person, finding out I was essentially Goth was freeing. Many blessings to you.

[@howlingmina166]

Kids eh! it's easy for them to be so confident with the gothic style online but I wouldn't think that attitude would go down well in a club. So all they have is comments on the internet and not the gothic balls to be honest. When I was doing the clubs in London 98 to 2010 it was a mix of every alternative music you shared the rooms with gothic, metal, rock and pop but everyone danced together, even big metal heads! no one cared and people looked good no matter their dress, just wish some of these suposed goths would sit and say that in a club...they would be laughed at! You be you! love the eye make up! x

[@tashaturner4609]

They “can go eat a pine cone!” 👌🏾😂🖤 Love it!

[@LadyNightsong]

Yes Angela, spot on! In 1996 I really adored the ethereal look! Whenever I tried dresses on I felt like a poseur. I was barely 5ft and felt so immature compared to the cool older girls. Plus, the older girls had more money for clothes and makeup. Anyway, great video honey 🖤

[@lovelybones7619]

I'm so glad you touched on this topics, I wish I had this video as a resource when I was young. Will go live at some point soon, life has been crazy and miss your lives! Love you Angela 🖤🥀🦇

[@marymclove7153]

As someone who is trying to get more into the goth scene it is refreshing to hear your stories.I always had the mindset and for awhile getting into the music(it’s great btw)but it’s hard to not look at another goths and think “am I good enough ?” so thank you! I will be myself. Sincerely a greatful baby bat🖤

[@Mildon44]

OMG YES! Im constantly feeling like this! Tho its mainly due to the fact that for the majority of my goth journey, i had no goth friends irl, and my only connection to the scene was through online groups I've still never been to a goth club, and only seen 2 goth bands live (baubaus and SoM) but i just feel odd and not sure how to interact with fellow goths because im not used to being around them 😔 *edit* finished the video and wanna add that, for me, these insecurities weren't from the online groups telling me i HAD to look a certain way, they were/are really good groups. But i was just too used to them, and not used to IRL goth interactions

[@aaronbrown7217]

Same here mate I know how you feel.

[@tiffytattoo2450]

I have a slight feeling, that this is an us-american phenomenon. I never felt the need to dress up extremly (of course you can, especially at festivals like WGT, Amphi, Mera Luna, Japantag). Germany/UK I feel is maybe more the opposite. You dress up for a regular goth night? Others might think you're a poser or a newbie/fashionista. But in general, the scene here is everything between black tshirt and jeans and elaborate style. Everything is ok and welcome. Can we just stop judging people for looks and focus on brain, wit and personality? You know, these things that make a person "cool", not make them just look like a cool person.

[@richardcrook2112]

Yes, this.

[@angelabenedict]

I think it may be as well.

[@diezaubereule4968]

Where can I find my goth community in Germany? I live near Frankfurt

[@tiffytattoo2450]

@@diezaubereule4968 Facebook groups! Search for local groups :) and just going to goth club nights and warming up with the people ♡

[@diezaubereule4968]

@@tiffytattoo2450 thank you so much! I've found a few to check out. I'm a lonely immigrant here so I hope I can find my people ❤️

[@Boundinplastic]

“There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand.” -MSF

[@LadyAKA]

Yesss, Thank you Angela 🖤 I'm early 20's now but I remember being 13-16 and feeling so disconnected from my local scene because for obvious reasons I didnt have much cashflow; but it taught me to be resourceful and creative....thrift shopping and dying cool clothing projects black in big buckets. This helped heal that inner child. I still consider myself a babybat tho🥀💀

[@xparatiisix]

I am 11 years younger, but in Poland everything happened later. I remember wearing a sweater like yours and feeling like a star until I went to the gig. All these older girls slim in tight black dresses, high heels and black black hair. Demonia boots, cybergoth dreadlocks or the one with knee-length hair. I didn't feel good enough fot this place. So I stayed home watching myspace and deviantart and dreaming of the day I go there, slim, well-dressed, graceful, black-haired goddess. Nobody can give me back these days.

[@syahaz7088]

I'm a baby bat and been binging some educational goth videos from you, Kai Decadence and Cemetery Confessions. So lucky to be in the right path and have the will to put my ignorance in the (she) past away.

[@creerias_]

The comic artist is Joana Shino!

[@lunaamakura7683]

Yay Angie video perfect combatant to depression Love you Angela 🖤🖤

[@angelabenedict]

Love you too!! 🖤🖤

[@Vampryn]

OOOOOOF i have such similar experiences to you with feeling like you dont measure up and putting too much pressure on yourself as a baby bat to be this perfect beautiful flawless creature as if anybody else could be that way over-night. thank you for this video

[@1Buk12Buk2PLUR]

felt this way so many times but with the punk scene suprisingly.

[@angelabenedict]

I think it's something we all go through at some point before we find our footing.

[@stockholmsnow8620]

I had a dude hit me up on social media and say, "Are you a Goth? I like you're style. " To this I said, "I suppose I am a bit Gothy. I love the music," and I proceeded to name off my favorite bands and artists. To this he replies, "Yeah, those are cool bands. You have great taste in music. .but I was talking about your dark hair, your pale skin, and the clothes you wear." I thanked him for his flattery and spoke of the importance of the music (as we both know the music is the foundation of the subculture). The doink suddenly blocks me. I'm thinking, "All right, whatever. It makes my job easier when certain people just weed themselves out of my existence." 😏😎 What he was looking for was a "fashion goth," as you so aptly described. 🙄

[@isafantasy]

I am 40 so I supposed we started to go to the clubs around the same period (though, in my case, it was in Montreal). I remember feeling like you did. Strangely enough, I still got compliments about my looks back then. I think that it was because of the way I accessorized. I used to buy plain black clothing (mostly) and then layer clothes of different lengths and textures and to make it more unique, I made my own barrettes and hair clips and my own necklaces. Sure, I owned jewellery that I had not made as well but I mostly just played with different materials and I added jewellery and a few pops of red and purple here and there and that's how I went to clubs for years with outfits that had rarely cost me more than $20 or $30 at the time (I was still just a student after all).

[@LonelyAssassin96]

The way my mother (who's been a goth since the late 80's) has explained it to me, "Goth isn't about the fashion. It's about self expression in all forms."

[@reapgrimm2995]

It's about the music....

[@taylorwilliams4179]

Thank you for saying its okay to like Killstar and Dollskill etc. I really gravitate towards their stuff but the rhetoric is "they're bad dont shop there". Ive always felt goth in my soul since I was 13, and since then have always identified as such. Maybe not full on "goth" (as Ive only listened to a small number of goth bands), but I would call myself at the very least "darkly inclined". Im 27 now and I still love everything the subculture has to offer.

[@neurotika]

I’m sick and tired of people saying you have to listen to goth music only to be goth. That’s gate keeping bullshit. These goth bands were not labeled “goth music” back in the day. They were “alt rock” and other shit. Hindsight is 20/20. We understand now what is goth music. It’s more clearly defined. But other music can give is the same feeling that “goth bands” did for its fans back then. If you feel like you’re one of us, then you are. That’s the fucking heart of this subculture. If you identify this subculture as your tribe, so be it. In my 31 years of life, goth generally speaking, has evolved beyond the music. There were branches that came from that- trad goth, by goth, industrial goth, Victorian goth, cyber goth, nu goth, etc. they are all still part of the same family. Enough gate keeping already.

[@mstarcevic69]

Hello Angela, first time I've commented but I've been watching your videos for a few years now. I totally remember encountering the same tyoe of feelings, but as a goth in high school from the suburbs of LA when I first started going to Hollywood clubs in the late 80s. Death rock was still prominent and my look was far from extreme. But there's room for everybody and that's one of the great things about our groups. I still talk to many of my friends from those days. I met most everybody outside of clubs in random places. I was more classy goth, with tux jackets and such. Sone were so drastic and I loved their looks, but my strict parents wouldnt go for it, snd i don't know if i would have even be daring enough. but i do remember wearing makeup in the mid 80s in very public places, (major amusement parks). Keep up the positivity, I releate so much to a lot of what you say and have experienced.

[@zena8226]

Gave a like automatically before even watching the video. We miss you! ❤

[@janstan8407]

Deadly outfit!! I LOVE IT!! You got me thinking about the "olden days". After stadium rock was when it hit. The Ramones, Sex Pistols, Generation X, The Clash, The Exploited, Anti-Nowhere League. Then Siouxsie and The Banshee's, The Cure, The Smiths, Bauhaus, Joy Division. Music had changed forever, and we were changing with it. A lot of these bands aren't Goth, but they had A LOT to due with how music changed. No limits.Same with us DIY was necessary, but God I miss my Pelican Cove Jeans.(I had a great ass). Goth, New Wave, Electro-beat, Industrial all had their scenes. There was a lot (I know I say "a lot" a lot) of cross-over at times, but you knew who was who.God, I miss those days, because by the 90's, I was grown up. Sucks.

[@Anonymous-wb3nz]

The majority of Goths ARE grown.....

[@janstan8407]

@@Anonymous-wb3nz Honestly, I live in a small town now. It's all folk rock and country here. I have NO idea what the landscape of a Goth club would be like now. I'm 3 hours from a real Goth club, and my car sucks. I just hope that the new generation carries on the music of Goth, and not just the makeup and the clothes.

[@YorlenyAllen]

Happy to see you back. And I had that back in the 90’s too I so wanted to look like this amazing girls that I saw on the clubs. The Victorian girls where my favourite.

[@XO-kf1vl]

I'm in my thirties now. I've come to terms that I love wearing lots of weird stuff, listen to dark music, and enjoy dark stuff for fun. People think I do for attention. I just like wearing stuff because it makes me happy. You only got one life. Live it up. :D

[@lawsdraws]

I’m surprised they ever let me and my pal into Slimelight; we didn’t look the part at all. But we loved the music and we went there to dance! Although the ‘proper’ goths never really invited us into the inner circle, lol, we always felt welcome there, and it was a delight to people watch, admire all the effort people put into their attire. Maybe we were looked down upon, but we never noticed and we certainly would not have cared. Too busy stomping about to notice! :D

[@galacticlone6194]

I'm literally the only goth in my small farming town and have been for 14 years! I turned to online to see if I could find other people like me and boy is that harder said than done, and the criticism within the community is very, very harsh. I don't want to be THAT person, but when you think you've found a friend and they tell you Machine Gun Kelly is goth you sorta sit there and think about your life. Also love your videos they've been really helpful for me

[@b.mcknight8686]

My first time at a goth club I wore a torn up red prom dress I bought at Goodwill, striped witch stockings, and Mary Janes that were probably Easter shoes from Wal-Mart.

[@xBloodXGusherx]

I have been slowly getting into Goth as a Black Man over the years. Really wanted to know more since High School but channels like this is helping. Thanks.

[@angelabenedict]

Do you have a goth community where you're from?

[@xBloodXGusherx]

@@angelabenedict Yes I do i'm sure though I have not looked to see where exactly. In high school i knew a couple people deep in that culture but have lost touch or they simply grew out and into other trends. I'm more interested in the mindset and history of this community however I love the look look of some fashion choices but really the architecture. I love that it's very atmospheric like you KNOW when you're in a gothic or goth inspired environment. Thanks for replying.

[@coldservings]

I came at dark-aligned music starting with Darkwave (mainly The Cruxshadows) and gothic/symphonic metal (Within Temptation, Lacuna Coil, Nightwish). From there I branched out into post-punk (Siouxie and the Banshees, Joy Division) and more Gothic Rock (The Sisters of Mercy, The 69 Eyes and more recent groups like O. Children and The Secret French Postcards). I'm not really good about listening to music and telling you what music genre it is so I can't really say whether some groups I like are goth or not. I'm something of an ignoramus when it comes to music. I know what I like and that's about it. but then, I'm apparently not alone. One certain group I've seen people swear they're "not goth" (big objection being "too commercial"), with some folk calling them "emo" or "nu-metal." But I've also seem that same group in lists of "greatest goth bands. Musical tastes really are an individual matter. In literature (given the literary origins of the term "goth" in the first place) I do like things that go dark, so long as they don't go completely nihilistic. I've read, and enjoyed, Castle of Otranto. And, yes, Brahm Stoker's Dracula is a favorite. Fashion, for a long time my "goth attire" consisted of black T's or polos, paired with black denim trousers or black slacks and that was pretty much it. More recently I've started taking on a more "elegant" style: velvet or brocade vests, cravats in black, red, or purple worn with a simple overhand knot and the ends either tucked into the vest or allowed to hang, "mirror-shined" shoes and boots. Whether the sum-total adds up to "goth" or not, I can't really say. I think of myself as goth. In the end, well, the label really doesn't matter all that much so long as one is comfortable in oneself.

[@nicolenox7882]

I needed to hear this today. Thank you💙