Grand Theft Auto Online (Zero Punctuation)

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This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Grand Theft Auto Online.
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[@striker5378]

GTA Online in free roam is basically a country full of Trevors.

[@BuckieTronik]

STRiKER The night is dark and full of Trevors.

[@222rdh]

BuckieTronik the purge populated with 1-30 trevors

[@phatninjahd]

BuckieTronik Best comment ever

[@mrevilducky]

BuckieTronik Simply amazing comment :D

[@florisbosch4199]

BuckieTronik Will you marry me? Please!!!

[@Bler935]

How to enjoy GTA Online: Step 1: Never enter a public lobby. Only play with friends. Step 2: If none of your friends are online, then Step 1 does not apply. Go into a public lobby and immediately use passive mode. Step 3: While in passive mode, approach other players. Observe with a smile on your face as they become increasingly upset over the fact that you aren't allowing them to brutally murder you.

[@CorundumDevil]

Brother! =U

[@MalfunctionWhocares]

The best part is when they desperately try to kill you by ramming you with vehicles. My favorite thing to do when that happens is to jump back and forth between some barrier on a highway or sit on a slightly higher ledge and watch as they hopelessly try to chase you around.

[@nickp97]

Or just Brutally murder them first.

[@Zecobellic]

65% Of GTA Online - Loading Screens. 30% of GTA Online - Dealing with Twats 5% of GTA Online - Managing to actually do what it shows off.

[@raresmacovei8382]

It's been 8 years, but they at least fixed the Loading Screens ... on PC.

[@notme8232]

@@raresmacovei8382 No they didn't!

[@GarethJason]

Man KZbin 6 years ago was insane. Yahtzee dropped that with no hesitation. Hilarious

[@MetsnVettes]

At least it was in a disparaging way. As in he heard it, was disgusted, turned it off.

[@DrShaym]

You can't rate a use-created track until you've completed it? So if you make a track that's impossible to complete, it will never get any bad ratings? Brilliant!

[@andrazprelec8263]

Genious!

[@nubskrub2311]

@Mellissa Zizza dont use this its a spam bot

[@LazarouDave]

It won't get any good ratings either, nor will it get published 😂

[@latbat58]

maybe you cant release it if you cant beat it yourself first? idk never played it

[@TheAntiVector]

You know what? Because of this review I'm actually gonna do it. I'm gonna get that game. I saw it everywhere and my friends talked about it for ages, but now I'm caving in. Thanks to ZP, I'm gonna get Crossy Road.

[@rerez]

100% completely accurate. I'm incredibly unimpressed by GTA online.

[@ardie4]

I HATE the online community. I think the game online overall is quite impressive, actually, but the community dumbs-down the experience to a mediocre mush.

[@mozza541]

I don't know much about the community as I don't play GTA Online but thanks for the warning!

[@arbra5934]

somehow it got worse....

[@ShermTank7272]

@Arbra5934 do tell... I’m morbidly curious

[@gibberconfirm166]

@@ShermTank7272 I just jumped in on PS4 after trying "hot mess" release week in 2013. 1)still has technical issues, 5 years later. I've been disconnected and stalled out more than people claim on Fallout 76. Except this is 5 years later, on the most AAAAAAA game there is. 2)Yet: can be stunningly fun when open-ended objective co-op works. Not sure if this will translate to RDR2 Online, part of the fun is grabbing cars, fleeing cops and gettin' 'er done. 3)Just played with various groups of utter twat 12 year olds and failed various missions, but this can contribute to the fun, because if you're competent, you get the "competent group" blissful feeling like in MMOs when your dungeon group doesn't suck total ass. New PS4, surprised even with the issues, this is the only "new" game I got that's giving me a gnawing sense of addiction. Remember: twat players fuel it, because meeting a competent rando then feels like a friendly reward (part of the secret sauce of WoW dungeons.)

[@sotnos3196]

I cant fathom the amount of times I would be driving around, to start getting shot up by a armoured vehicle and when I finally blow it up I get awarded with "LOL BAD SPORT, AND WE'LL BE TAKING THAT 6000 DOLLARS"

[@JebediahKermanZaddy23]

What's even more infuriating is when they DO manage to blow your shit right back into the mid Cretaceous, they just get a little slap on the wrist saying, "Now don't do that again or I _might_ start giving rewards to people who kill you." And then GTA never follows through with it.

[@FreshMetal80]

SoLewd Baka Pro tip: passive mode. That's how I roll between missions/matches/races.

[@piccolojunior9820]

A Morgan That's about as effective as slapping a tank with a dildo.

[@JebediahKermanZaddy23]

If passive mode actually stopped player - player damage, instead of doing jack shit, then it will be way more useful.

[@JebediahKermanZaddy23]

C/Gw I meant if you were in passive mode, it basically made you invincible to other players, and vice versa. You could still kill civilians etc. but not other players, and other players couldn't kill you.

[@RasoKye]

this has aged extremely well

[@Jambion]

Try after it was free

[@ahmadday64]

I mean the n word hasnt

[@t_y8274]

@@ahmadday64 no, I'd say that's the best part

[@mayzerify5525]

@@ahmadday64 context matters mate

[@latviesulegionars8806]

@@ahmadday64 don't be a wus

[@Robotic_Rampage]

It's all fun and games until you notice one of the red dots on the map moving toward you at an alarming rate.

[@bubbajoe117]

Unit 327 Surprise surprise. It's a Lazer/Hydra.

[@classclown1024]

bubbajoe117 butting in five years too late to add the oppressor mk.2 and deluxo to the list.

[@gillianfleischer5620]

And then you shit yourself

[@bobcooper82]

im glad im not alone in thinking GTA online is full of "twats".

[@tacomcbumblehook5344]

Rc Cooper ditto

[@Hulkenburger]

Rc Cooper Yup, that's why I only play with a bunch of friends.

[@almalone3282]

The real world is full of twats

[@tacomcbumblehook5344]

Good observation.

[@MegaDuke4life]

Rc Cooper in an open world game know for mayhem should anyone be suprised

[@Ionic0]

i remember joining a troll match where the mission said earn 1000000RP per match. The map was some large enclosed area with shipping crates surrounding the area with guns placed on top (out of reach...) and theres a stack of crates and boxes leading up into the sky with more guns. the host was the only one who knew how to up to that area, and when he did he was free to shoot and pick off anyone without opposition. Never whent back online after that.

[@genevievefangirl]

That happened to me too! That map should be removed. It really is no more than a troll.

[@jackdoyle9724]

Genevieve Fangirl there's more than one, if Rockstar took the time to remove them it would be a long-ass time

[@genevievefangirl]

Jack Doyle You're probably right, but a girl can dream

[@Blahsheep]

You people fell for that? Every time I saw an invite for something like that, I never joined.

[@Ionic0]

Blahsheep well i wanted to see how it was. theres no way to know its a prank, i assumed it was a match that granted lots of XP. everyone knows how shitty the leveling system is.

[@SamuraiPipotchi]

It's always pissed me off how only 1st is a win in the races. I mean, they managed the fucking medals with heists - Why not with races?

[@Shadow107100]

Lovely how someone can murder you 20 times but when you finally get the chance to strike back, your opponent upsides out and goes in passive mode. And how you can go in pm in a jet or attack chopper but can't in certain aircraft. I sometimes question if Rockstar thinks about the shit they put in this game. Because from what I've personally seen so far, they do not.

[@Shadow107100]

Pussies, damn autocorrect.

[@Shadow107100]

Exactly. I also hate how people who are above Maniac mental status can go in passive mode. Does murdering 20 or people make you a passive player? Of course not.

[@JCDenton2012Modder]

Yahtzee, I can actually comment on the score padding. You see, in GTA 5, unlocks on vehicle upgrades depend mostly upon you getting 40-50 wins. When you combine this with the harsh inability to make friends, since you're usually gunning one another down when not in a mission due to the "twat factor," then you are most certainly forced to close lobby trap players to win those mandatory 40-50 races since even if the player leaves the game it auto counts as a win assuming the host finishes the course. You could potentially win 40-50 races for real, but... as you also noticed... loading times... and unlocking all the vehicle crap could take days if not weeks. So yes, the game actively encourages twat trapping players for vehicle unlocks.

[@ShinobuSakurazaka]

...But people who do that shit are still cunts, just putting that out there.

[@Greyghostvol1]

Logan Snider That's still a bullshit system though.

[@killingfeveronline_archives]

***** They don't really have any other options though.

[@digistruct0r]

Logan Snider It's 40-50 wins for EACH car class (that means up to 500-600 wins if you want to upgrade literally any car you can find), and cunningly, half the racing courses are designed for motorcycles and the other half are for the supercars, which means if you enjoy driving a Mustang (which is in a muscle car class, duh) you can go suck on an exhaust pipe.

[@illitero]

***** That's a valid point if you never consider playing the game properly haha

[@deimoskaischylos]

Also, hackers. So very many hackers. It is delightful to enter a server, only to find that some lovely twat decided to spawn a giant spinning blade in front of a major spawn point. Or to make themselves invincible. Or to blow up every player on the map, even when in their apartment. Then again, some will also shower you with weapons, cars, and bags of money. Still, sucks to hackers.

[@hohnmcransi54]

Deimos kai Aischylos Please don't refer to those wastes of space as hackers, as that means that they at least possess a passable knowledge of coding and networks. These twats don't even have that, 99% of the time

[@deimoskaischylos]

lugiapwnage Meh. Common use of the word which allows people to instantly identify what it is I am speaking of. If I replaced the word "hacker" with the detailed explanation of what they actually are, it would make a conversation on the matter rather cumbersome; true, though, most are not actual "hackers," but merely the lazy or petty who use simple programs that they do not even really know the true depth of.

[@Volound]

*armoured kuruma intensifies*

[@Nightraven26]

Kuruma means "car" in Japanese

[@viiviketomaki7284]

Joel Schembri​ I just use it survive... But bitches keep using homing launcher.

[@caustic260b]

Volound [insurgent intensifies]

[@uriarte411]

***** Then you get the joy of paying for their fucking insurance. Its just a win/win for them, either you can't kill them before they kill you, or you have to blow up their car and spend your money to kill them. If you're trying to be an ass its basically impossible not to succeed in the armored Kuruma.

[@bubbajoe117]

caustic260b The insurgent is only satisfying when you get some unlucky idiot to actually blow the damn thing up, it doesn't really protect you from shit outside of explosions.

[@Metalheadgangster]

True story Yahtzee. The first five minutes into the game I met a 16 year old boy who actually was extremely polite and showed me the basics and apologized after accidentally blowing me up. He even sent me a friend request. Once I realized I was not dreaming, on any drugs, or dead; I accepted his request. After playing for a good 7 hours straight I didn't hear the N-word once. And the only matches I ever played in that time were fair matches where I had a chance every time I am not making a word of that up. I don't even know what to believe anymore.

[@ViperMach5]

I'm surprised Yahtzee didn't mention the constant fucked amount of armored vehicles, tanks and fighter jets in free roam, how people abuse certain glitches and Passive Mode. Oh! And that job lobbies (that are not Heists) are almost non-existent because Free Mode suddenly becomes a one giant Deathmatch that is oh-so 'important' between crews all because someone said the N-word around a black person (or my favorite: calling Caucasian/white people the N-word) or something referring to Adolf Hitler or because someone is crying over their precious Free Mode K/D. That's why good online friends are awesome.

[@ablationer]

***** but Passive mode is your only hope to actually ever do anything without getting ran over/gunned down by kuruma drivers.

[@ViperMach5]

Pretty much. Or rocket launcher quickdraw.

[@Kragz88]

***** I dont know about what you've seen but on PC I dont see anyone using anything airborne thanks to the new StA Stinger missile .... armored cars yea... but Im the only fucker with a tank x3 never had any issue there

[@ACoolStupidDog]

***** I have a 1.0 kd... But at the same time, I'm always on the ground laughing when playing with friends, experimenting with the physics of the game, or Cargobob kidnapping randoms. So, fuck all stats, they don't mean anything in a fun-oriented game. Fuck Kuruma griefers. Fuck Jet griefers. Fuck those who take all airborne vehicles down, even if it's clearly a shitty crop duster, fuck all stat-braggers and VIVE LA FRIENDLINESS

[@Kragz88]

ACoolStupidDog That + least with our friend we can have our own private servers.... to bad u can still get tossed in with retards in missions after a while.

[@MillRunner]

I agree with pretty much everything. I still enjoy GTA Online, but the load times, waiting to get into a job or setting one up are real problems.

[@mroushion]

***** Load times on PC are really fast.

[@sleepzou]

Slick Reed That is not entirely true. There is just to many loading screens in gta online. Im playing on pc and gta is installed on my ssd.

[@VaydaladaVodalada]

Slick Reed PC is the worst version of GTA V

[@sleepzou]

VaydaladaVodalada How is PC the worst version of gta v?! Faster loading times, longer draw distance better graphics etc.

[@VaydaladaVodalada]

***** more hackers and worse controls

[@jaytonhawkins2872]

I've been saying for a while that GTA V is one of the most poorly designed games to ever be popular. It's outright insulting how un-intuitive this game is.

[@d-phoenix2198]

Have you heard of a game called Fortnite?

[@paladinboyd1228]

Jayton Hawkins, I agree, the hud is uselessly small, the police have that hive mind alert system and can teleport to you and know where you are regardless of moving. NPC’s will outright attack you for standing by them. The story is terrible and yet your forced to play the prologue with no option to skip. And you cannot explore without the phone calling you every minutes trying to get you to listen to the story. The main characters are all unlikeable. And rockstar abandoned the main game to try and make as much money as they can from online.

[@nope1083]

I can appreciate the euphoria ragdoll system. But the gameplay absolutely kills pacing and it takes ages to do anything.

[@jaytonhawkins2872]

@Yer Nan Lol, no. Bad gameplay is bad gameplay, period. Even ftp battle royales and shit tier shooters are more intuitive than GTAV.

[@jaytonhawkins2872]

@Yer Nan When I think of bad gameplay in general, I think of games where using a ladder is like trying to balance a pencil on the end of your nose while angry weasels fight over a hot dog in your underwear. Games like GTAV. But really dude, it's not THAT bad, but seeing as people circle jerk over it like it's a fucking masterpiece I think some criticism won't hurt it. And it's not like it's going away anytime soon

[@RazgrizNinjaEX8]

GTAO public is horrible. Worst thing ever. GTAO with a group of friends? Different story. That's a given in most everything.

[@suwatsaksri7191]

Every multiplayer game sucks in public

[@taediumjackson3762]

Suwat Saksri Agreed

[@username65585]

Randall Peralta Looks like Altis Life with more things to do.

[@AiMaTay]

Randall Peralta Agreed, with friends it's an amazing experience.

[@Blahsheep]

Suwat Saksri No, have you played GTA IV for example. In that game, you had these options. You could turn friendly fire on or off, meaning nobody can kill each other, unless you keep running them over and over. Lol. You could also turn police on or off. And maybe traffic? Or something else, I always forget the third one.

[@ChuckPalomo]

I don't know why the people who play GTA online are such irredeemable shits. It's particularly infuriating when you join a lobby and the host immediately starts the mission without waiting for more players, then buggers off to do god knows what and idles the whole way through while you do all the work for him, alone. Or quit, in which case they just wait for another sucker who's willing to give them free xp. This happens literally 3 out of 4 times I look for a random contact mission. Or when some moron forgets to turn autobalance on in a competitive mode, then someone decides to join the other team before the match starts, making the numbers uneven, and creating a domino effect in which everyone join a single team and the match ends up as a 1 vs 9. GTA really brings the worst in people.

[@rasundesilva6088]

ChuckPalomo Oh boy I really hate it when people with double the amount of people on their team start celebrating as if it’s some sort of great accomplishment when they win

[@EmpressTiffanyOfBrittany]

Another GTA Twatline story: Going on a heist involving stealing a plane from the Vagos. We clean up the airfield, blow up everything, and now all that needs to be done is for our leader, the pilot, to take the plane to another airfield... I don't know if the idiot just didn't know how to fly the plane or his controller was somehow malfunctioning, but if he wasn't having problems getting the plane off the ground because he didn't know that RB and LB are how to turn the plane while it's in taxi and not fucking using the ailerons with the analog stick, he was crashing the fucking thing while abusing us for not immediately doing what we were supposed to do (which we'd already done perfectly, and would proceed to do perfectly 3 times) when we were too fucking baffled at his own idiocy. I fucking quit on the fourth goddamn try, and felt terrible for the other two guys. I get the feeling the idiot was trolling us, though, so I think I at least did them a favor.

[@falloutghoul1]

I honestly hate GTA5 Online. The game penalizes you for dying, the resource management sucks, and it's incredibly anti-cooperative.

[@ReplicantBattyman]

this comment still applies today

[@Forflies]

As I clicked on this I thought "Ahh, this will be good". Edit: I was not dissapointed :)

[@XXXsmart100]

"The pilot accidentally clipped a wind turbine while picking his nose" lol, I found that funny for some reason.

[@NamelessPlayerOfficial]

GTA Online just shows how disgusting and irritating human beings can be.

[@mrpolybius6487]

Aren't you taking it a little bit too seriously?

[@DrGhoztz]

I never really get randomly attacked nowdays to be honest, unless I'm running an MC/CEO mission where people are encouraged to mess with you.. Gets kinda dull, pissing away your money on ammo and explosives when you dont really get anything from doing it.

[@NamelessPlayerOfficial]

I'm talking about griefers, they come in when I'm just driving around in my own car with their stupid Hydras and blow me up, and then later message me that I suck just because I didn't see it coming when I was too busy minding my business, so after I kick their ass they start calling me all kinds of racially insensitive names and tell me that they fucked my mother last night. Those people should be kicked in their bollocks.

[@DrGhoztz]

Nameless Player I play quite abit of GTA - since its release - and thats never happened to me. Fight back! If they're in a hydra, start driving under a bridge or in some alleys and start hitting it with a heavy sniper. If they're constantly chasing you in a car, park up somewhere with cover and shoot them If you dont feel like doing any of that.. Yknow.. Theres passive mode

[@NamelessPlayerOfficial]

Dr. Ghoztz What do you think I meant by "after I kick their ass.."? I always fight back.

[@TheRandomguy17]

-Join a public GTA Online session and head to a building you own. -Alt-tab out of GTA Online and open ‘Task Manager‘. -Select the ‘Performance‘ tab. -At the top right click the dots and then click ‘Open Resource Monitor‘. -From there, find GTA5.exe. -Right-click, and select ‘Suspend Process‘. -After waiting a few seconds, right-click once more and select ‘Resume Process‘. -Return to the game, and you’ll now have your own session! You're welcome :D

[@MarxistMogger]

Game is still shit when offline. Doing the same missions over and over again to buy a car isn’t fun or rewarding.

[@wrongtime9097]

I love listening to my friend try and persuade me to get on GTA online, saying that people aren't as aggressive as I think (which calling that a faulty statement would be puttig it lightly) then I turn it on and find him, and what do you know some guy on a scooter did a drive by sticky bomb to our car. That is why I play online in a private server that nine of ten times has only me in it

[@dynostretch9215]

"Having sex with one half of a conjoined twin is technically a threesome." I think you just inspired my next story.

[@tanjaandric6931]

This is coming from lvl 90 player, i have about 200 hours in online alone. Game is fun until you get a ceo office and are about lvl 30 then it becomes a grind where you try to balance doing heists that take a long time to set up but give decent amount of money and rp ,VIP work that gives a lot of money fast and everything else (jobs) that give a lot of rp. You want that fast and expensive car but you also want to unlock that minigun at lvl 120 and rpg at 100. Also grind is made even becouse of developers trying to make you buy shark cards, most expensive item in game is yacht and it costs 10 million gta $ and to remind you 8 million gta $ shark card cost 70 us $ and it takes about an hour of constant boring grinding to get 1 million gta $ per hour. And they want us to report modders that spawn us money?!?

[@Rando_Shyte]

LOL I didn't want to spend the rest of my IRL life grinding so I hacked myself about 50 billion dollars, and now have everything. No regrets! xD

[@Nurf]

That's a lot of words for "I've never kissed a girl"

[@tomthm]

Online is so much better with friends...but you need friends first :(

[@lewdvlesh]

Zombie4ever Yahtzee only has Gabriel, and Gab's not going to play this shit

[@AiMaTay]

***** They aren't such bad design choices when playing with friends.

[@lewdvlesh]

Needing friends to enjoy an online experience is a fault of the game designer

[@ze-tophat-gamer1424]

Or ya know. Get friends.

[@TubbierWombat]

Ze-TopHat-Gamer If you can't enjoy it by yourself, then it's bad. Telling someone to get friends doesn't fix the problem. What if you're days off contradict your friends, are you supposed to not play the game then because the designers failed at simple decisions?

[@RagingGoldenEagle]

Yup, about sums up my feelings on the matter...

[@RagingGoldenEagle]

***** It doesn't really affect the single player game, you can enjoy that just fine without ever touching the online version. That's what I do anyway.

[@raishyguy3026]

it took this man to describe GTA Online's Cancer perfectly

[@CODA96]

My experience in GTA online: > Getting shot > Getting blown up by sticky bombs > Getting blown up by rocket launcher > Getting drived over, again and again > Kids scream insults into the microfone > Kids know more about my mom's sexual interests than me > Getting killed > Killed > Killed

[@danmack3173]

Dude says the N word (with context) and not one comment brings it up, aside from one person making fun of the demographic playing GTAO I like this place

[@indieWellie]

when in multiplayer voice chat a word is just a word. it matters not what it could be, as long as it’s good for trash talk.

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

It's like coming home to people as brilliantly sarcastic as I am. Brilliant!

[@RaylaEclipse]

Uh oh, found the capital "G" Gamer.

[@ricardoreis5066]

He has a black friend so he has one N-word pass.

[@TheDrCN]

But ironically, it's censored in the "Every 2015 Zero Punctuation With No Punctuation" compilation. I guess someone must have complained.

[@vinnythewebsurfer]

It’s amazing how this online mode single handily makes T2 and Rockstar billionaires

[@EvilStreaks]

You were waaaay to easy on GTA Online. Not one second of it isn't a gruelling and frustrating chore COMPLETELY fueled by carrot-dangling as opposed to fun. All the hard and expensive technical and design work is done (and done well) but game rules, interface, and selling tactics undercut the merits so utterly that I'm ACTUALLY impressed they found a way to shit so much potential away. There are things you can buy so you invest so much time to buy them, and then it's like.. now what... save to buy something else. And they keep introducing new stuff so it never ends... which would be great if it didn't take about 30 painstaking heists to afford the next thing. Payout is third-world slow, and prices are multiplied by at least a few hundred of what would be reasonable. When I stopped playing, I swear to God, I felt like I was giving up cheap meth and started to see that I wasn't really enjoying it but kept going back because some ridiculous and unfulfillable sense of incompletion was manipulating me to. Just say no, kids.

[@KTSpeedruns]

It's good to see someone other than me doesn't think this game doesn't think it's a gift from God or the best thing since sliced bread.

[@21jayface]

***** when it became a thing yes it was, now its just generic.

[@mydogeatspoo]

Reiden Lightman The single player game is amazing though. The amount of detail they've been able to put in, while still running at steady framerates is incredible.

[@KTSpeedruns]

mydogeatspoo A lot of games do that. Doesn't mean they're all amazing.

[@mydogeatspoo]

Reiden Lightman Name one that you think is comparable to GTA 5. I didn't compare GTA 5 to any other game, so bringing up "A lot of games" that do "open-world" is a flawed argument.

[@KTSpeedruns]

mydogeatspoo I didn't say a lot of games to open-world. I said a lot of games throw in massively detailed models and visuals. You didn't even mention open-world. You just said they put a lot of details in with a steady frame-rate. A lot of games do that. But not all of them are automatically good.

[@SynthLizard8]

I first thourght that GTA Online was a great idea at first but then I found out it had microtransactions and things like cars and weapons are locked because of a players level. Weapons and vehicles I can understand but why the hell do I need to be level 60 something to unlock the color purple for my car!? it's ridiculous!

[@FallenAngelzStudios]

They may as well rename the game "GTAV: Loading Screen"

[@VenomSnakee]

GTA5 ONLINE EXPERIENCE: *Join server* "hello? " "CYKA" "Goddammit" *Join server* "hello?" "?Que¿" "Goddammit"

[@JBrodo]

The imagery Yahtzee comes up with still manages to make me laugh out loud after years of watching him. Love it :D

[@cellulanus]

Padding your race wins was actually really important because you needed wins to unlock vehicle performance upgrades, so it actually rewards dickish behaviour to ensure wins. I discovered that I was one of the few people who could actually fly a plane from point A to point B without crashing so I'd sit in a plane race force starting the second someone joined before they could drop out because it was a plane race. At that point it doesn't even matter if they quit out since it still counts as a win.

[@interstellarbruce6429]

Multiplayer: play as a level 100 that enjoys aircraft stunts, and races, and gets hate because I don't care about mindless killing. Single player: play as a middle-aged, fire breathing, super man, James bon, with a squad of mountain lions.

[@Nixel85]

Online Gaming was the 9/11 of playing video games anymore

[@glitchsmasher]

The Pickles Careful! You might cut yourself on that edge!

[@Demmidude]

The Pickles 3edgy5me

[@ItsMe-or5tx]

Well shit. Butt hurt Americans are coming.

[@UnBR0k3enAngel]

You bass turd. My dog died on 9/11!! Damn towering bumpers on hummers!!!

[@lxjoe96]

UnBR0k3enAngel Some bad stuff has happened on the 9th of November in the past, but nothing terrible. What are you referring to?

[@jimmyoakmeister]

Oh it's gotten worse. How about a super fast motorbike with homing missiles? How about a flying motorbike with missiles? How about a giant laser that has been patched multiple times and is still broken?

[@Butterworthy]

I think I'm both anticipating, and dreading your Splatoon review based on your loathing of online multiplayer.

[@GVGINU]

It will be highly entertaining.

[@jtlego1]

Butterworthy To quote Yahtzee's Guild Wars 2 video:"Better put our safety goggles on, because there's a lot of flying debris in a trainwreck!" As someone who's excited both for Splatoon *and* a Nintendo fan, that video may take all my willpower to watch.... -_- Being a ZP fan sucks sometimes when you are a fan of something he hates..... -_-;

[@WiiSage]

Butterworthy and you notice his experience with voice chat and yet people fighting for it to be in Splatoon

[@tomsnider9213]

This is assuming either the Escapist or Yahtzee will bow to Nintendo's rather draconian youtube policies or not.

[@n-duo2007]

Tom Snider what are you talking about he does not use gameplay footage when he do his reviews, & he has review Nintendo games when this youtube was in affect.

[@Games57584]

"The vehicle was destroyed." I'M F*CKING DONE WITH THIS HEIST.

[@OrangeCrusader]

3 and a half years later, and it's still painfully accurate about the GTAO experience.

[@Chlorate299]

I played GTA online for approximately 20 minutes before quitting forever. During this time I discovered that you couldn't simply steal and keep fast cars like you can in single player mode (oh goody, I thought, they've added *grind* to Grand Theft Auto...), and got killed by the same high-level wanker 3 times.

[@mrbungnuggets1417]

You played an mmo expecting to get everything for free?

[@williamblazkowicz5587]

​@@mrbungnuggets1417free? You literally have to pay a monthly subscription to do the multiplayer bit!

[@StallordD]

I went into GTA online trying to not antagonize other players and just mind my own business. That quickly stopped after the 15th person screamed down at me in his souped up car and tried to kill me with an assault rifle spray and pray strategy that actually made me pause and wonder if I WASN'T being attacked. No point in playing friendly in Rockstar games. Shoot first, listen to screaming 12 year olds later.

[@bubbajoe117]

StallordD Shit wasn't like this in Red dead redemption.

[@RasoKye]

bubbajoe117 hopefully rdr2 wont have bs transported from gtao.

[@mmWz-fz8to]

2:58 - Prison Break with randoms in a nutshell

[@Tyrineal]

agree 100%. Only thing that you missed(which you wouldn't have known as you have never played GTA Online before) was how little money you get from doing normal missions and how expensive everything else is when compared to launch where missions were actually a good source of income. Now Heists are the only way to make ok money, and even then that is a stretch as it is a pain in the ass to actually get into a game and can usually take 30 minutes to an hour to find people who actually want to play it and not just quit out instantly after the cut scene or some other crap. Even then you have to kill them in a rocket launcher quickdraw when the Heist is done as they will try to kill you in an attempt to get your money as you drop a good chunk of it at that point.

[@ZMonsterOfDarkness]

Always love hearing that intro you joker you ; D

[@blinkfraid]

It's funny how Crossy Road is an "extension" for half the games I've played in the last month. Nice to see Yahtzee agrees!

[@nitarsh]

I think the issue with most online multiplayer games is that most of the players playing are adolescents whos pubes havent come out yet. Not a big issue in BF,COD series because the entire point is just to kill the other guy. But atleast GTA provides us the option to going to passive mode and thereby ignoring the kids. But yes, the waiting time is the biggest turnoff.

[@CaptainRawricus]

That whole thing about the guy closing invites for the race as soon as you joined wasn't just him wanting to pad his stats and get a higher number. Most of the useful vehicle upgrades unlock based on how many race wins you have, requiring upto 50 wins for the top parts. So people can either spend days doing nothing but races, or they can farm wins off incompetent players racing around the jail.

[@AlexanderSteedTheGreatShig]

Argument: Valid. Carry on, Yahtzee.

[@kabobawsome]

The best way to do race stats is "Average Finish Position" where it literally takes the mean of what you placed in every race you've participated in.

[@illitero]

GTA: Online is not fun for anyone that isn't a cunting griefer. Not to mention it's designed to fuck you around every corner with stuff like losing money every time a cunting griefer goes out of their way to kill you. Overall it is the worst fucking conundrum when there are so many freedoms you're given while simultaneously forced to follow inane, strict rules on things like buying a shitty little hut to call home because first you have to reach a certain level to be able to unlock that ability but then also you have to complete a certain mission, too. So all the while you're trying to figure out how to protect yourself and your investments in the awkward, pre-teen driven warzone that is online play.

[@brunogonz86]

illitero You could, you know, play it with friends, makes it a lot better, like most multiplayer modes/games

[@TheAmetralladora]

illitero so true

[@brunogonz86]

illitero haha That's the better way to play any game

[@AiMaTay]

illitero Lol same, I had a LAN party for GTAO and it was great.

[@digitalblasphemy1100]

illitero I'm 29 and most of my friends live out of town now. Only one way to play with them. But I would definitely prefer to play sitting on the couch next to them

[@SingeScorcher]

So Ironically enough I only just started watching this show a couple hours ago after seeing it pop up in my "suggested viewing" section and realizing the little character on screen was from Hatfall. And I only now realize it was the other way around. Long story short, you are hilarious, I am loving watching this, and Hatfall is way more fun than it should be and you should be proud of yourself for that.

[@DelaneWazHere]

The only good experience you can get with GTA Online is when you're playing with friends and have a system that can cope reasonably well with the system requirements. Outside that, it's a hit and miss. Mostly a miss.

[@RYNOCIRATOR_V5]

2:21 - "impromptu rocket launcher quick draw contest" - lost it

[@statelyelms]

Oh no.. Yahtzee's six year old rant about scoreboards doomed Battlefield 2042

[@sagefrench578]

I remember playing this shit when it came out it was full of bad choices. For one its character creator sucks. I couldn't make my character the way I wanted him to look and most of the skills might have well have been useless. I choose a business skill focused man because its easy to make money but the damn online didn't have economy up so I might as well have just restarted but once again character creator sucks and just got my guy at least a little of what I wanted him to look like after 2 hours of trying. Not to mention I remember being payed very little for my jobs. I worked hard on one mission that required you to steal a giant gas tanker truck and bring it safely. I managed to do it on hard which was so hard I might have gotten a tumor from my frustration and got $19,000. At this point I stopped playing because no amount of reviews calling this game of the year was going to keep me playing this. Did it get better?

[@sagefrench578]

USAFace666 Why do people buy this? At least with GTA 4 you had more of an Arcade style free roam with weapons on every street corner. That was fun at least.

[@skylarsimes8]

Sage French Cause rockstar like Nintendo has a fanbase that will buy ANYTHING no matter how shit they get treated or the game is

[@XxRobloxPlayerxX1]

4:40 This is basically why I stopped playing multiplayer and focused more on single player games. I should mention that I was playing For honor at the time. And I grinded on that game for months and I kept getting my ass kicked. I would win sometimes obviously, but I was just at a stage of just super try hard grinding. And the only sense of achievement I got out of it was beating a guy who was being a complete twat. But eventually I realized that I liked For Honor, when I was being immersed into the game. Building your own hero, cool duels and taking on minions and feeling like a bad ass. That is why I kept playing For Honor. But I eventually just realized that I was not enjoying myself. I was just playing to fill that thrill of beating an absolute twat blast. And it is not immersive to see one person emote spamming, have it be the winner or the loser. And 9 time out of 10 you come across a try hard who doesn't give a shit about the game. Or immersion. He just wants another tick on the side of the win column. That is when I broke and I have yet to get invested into a multiplayer game since.

[@stoppi89]

Impromptu Rocket Launcher quickdraw contest.

[@tizodd6]

So true about leaderboards in online games. In co-op games it's even worse because then you end up competing against "teammates". But god forbid we not have leaderboards...then no one would be able to brag on their epeens.

[@OckhamAsylum]

Rockstar fucking sucks at designing online components for games. Every inch of GTA Online is designed in the most anti-player way imaginable. Even if you're playing with friends and not trying to search through the unyielding tides of random assholes in public lobbies, it's a clunky, punishing, time-wasting mess that makes you wonder why you and your buddies are not off playing a multiplayer game actually worth a shit. The sheer amount of time you're expected to put in to even start unlocking some of the more fun options is unbelievable, especially considering your friends won't always be online and you might occasionally be FORCED to deal with the unfathomably cunty community. I gave GTA Online a shot for a few days and stopped because the public sandbox is nothing but homicidal chaos and trying to get into fair deathmatches or any of the fun modes is like pulling teeth.

[@Android21A]

Thank you for not making the intro music LOUD AS FUCK like it is on Escapist. I hated having to turn down the volume so my ear drums didn't blow out.

[@CrispyChicken44]

I pissed myself from this. I'm surprised you didn't say anything about the cheaters though. Fuckers spawning NPCs at the same location you are to crash your game isn't fun at all.

[@Remlap1223]

OH GOD YAHTZEE SAID THE N WORD! PREPARE FOR THE WHITE KNIGHTS AND THE TUMBLR ARMY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!1!

[@Kisaru1000]

Remlap1223 ...And again, I have yet to see any of those "sjw" comments, but have seen plenty of comments similar to yours about how "oh someone will definitely complain about it"...

[@jacoblaventure7554]

Remlap1223 None of those yet

[@bobcooper82]

Remlap1223 crickets.... nothing happened.....

[@fadeyrow4885]

Given the context, I'm not surprised that no one seems to give a shit.

[@bobcooper82]

Right- in fact yahtzee was uncomfortable hearing it and turned it off. Like a lot of people need to do with SJWs and Gamergaters. tune them out,

[@comady25]

Guys, are we just gonna pass the fact that Yahtzee plays Crossy Road?

[@tiredfilms7224]

Why not? It's a decent enough Frogger clone.

[@jacobstormann4452]

It beats playing "Count the Number of Resolutions that the Ident has Made"!

[@TubbierWombat]

Jacob Stormann Or "how many minutes does it take for the game to tell you that it couldn't connect to a server?"

[@scRaTcHvsWU]

ThatDuck It doesn't surprise me much, a lot of reviewers who have pretty harsh opinions about many AAA titles play silly stuff like the Fred Fergusson fucking footbal manager and similiar things that I consider so unplayablůe I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole. I personaly watch Yahtzee videos for the comedy element, and thanks to that I enjoy all of his videos even when he's bashing my favorite titles, but I rly don't respect him as a reviewer with a valid opinion much.

[@hd_harold7587]

ThatDuck Is there a difference between GTA 5 online and Crossy road? You're just as likely to get run over. :D

[@MindofOnyx]

I'm not sure if someone mentioned this already, but I still find it funny that it's called GTA Online yet you can't steal any freaking cars! Seriously, I stole a car from a player, couldn't store it cause it had a "tracker" on it. I thought, fine, I'll just get one from an NPC. Nope! Can't mod it or store it cause it's too hot! WTF?

[@DarkLordToturials]

I'm still fucking pissed that the onlline is not like the San Andreas Multiplayer Mod. A lot of people, a lot of guns, one map, 5 teams. That simple. You don't need to rob a store for a fucking pistol, you just spawn, find someone and proceed to shoot it.

[@skepticpunk_]

Part of the reason people farm race wins off of people is because the game locks certain car and bike upgrades until you have enough wins, requiring something like 50 wins to unlock everything. This results in situations like the one Yahtzee described at the end. I had one instance where I joined a custom drag race that was set to GTA Race, meaning that there were powerups on the road. This particular track only had boosts on it. I fucked around with some different cars and let the guy farm some wins, then got in the Zentorno and got ahead of them. And then my back tires mysteriously started popping. See, this is when I discovered that GTA Race also let you use guns, which I didn't realize before. I wondered what weapons I had, and it turned out that it let me bring in *my entire arsenal from Freeroam.* So I started knocking out their tires and killing them with my overpowered autopistol, and they changed the car type to Sports so they could bring out their bulletproof Kuruma. I then got ahead of them once more and started throwing sticky bombs at them, destroying their precious $650,000 or so car. Only after getting their ass kicked did they begin to plead for peace, asking, "Why are you shooting me?" Absolutely stellar reasoning there. So, anyway, I pretty much agree with this review. And yet I keep playing it every day because I still enjoy the hell out of it, despite its serious issues.

[@mcbaden3703]

Yea gta online has one of the worst gaming community's in video game history I mean its very rare you will meet an actual "nice person"

[@BevvRatBites]

In this game it helps to have a few friends, you can approach to see if they're the rare friendly player and if not your friends can immediately gun the bastard down.

[@killerbee2562]

Yahzee didn't know the half of it, the guy likely wanted an easy race is you need win like 40 first place race to unlock car modifications. The game encourages people to troll each other.

[@nieildilsonsouza4747]

like wasting a twat's time by waiting until near the finish line and quitting? that is awesome...

[@krisstasko]

I would pay money to have a video of yahtzee yell at a penguin for an hour

[@327holden]

I'd love to hear what he thinks of the game in its current state, flying motorbike and such.

[@Number-6]

To be fair, a lot of the issues can be avoided by a) only playing Invite Only sessions, b) banking money through your phone instead of ATMs, and c) only playing with friends. Or just play something else, I mean. As for the races, it's pretty much just a "oh shit, someone finally joined this public race I hosted for the Daily Objective and none of my friends are around; let's get this the hell over with!"

[@ollymuirs]

I'd love to see an updated version of this review, where he talks about the griefing dickheads that fly around the map on the opressor mark 2s ruining everyones day. I miss when GTA Online was simpler.

[@dellefranz]

I once got a world record on a "verified" track in online racing, and I can tell you it doesn't make my sausage wobble at all, it's all about waiting to be beaten again, there's no 100000$ reward for breaking it, so getting high scores are fucking useless, but somehow Rockstar doesn't see it like that. The problem with GTA Online is that they are encouraging people to make friendships (or trying to) in a world orbiting around competition and supremacy, especially when some of the upgrades to your vehicles can only be unlocked by doing so... WTF Rockstar? In what part of the world have you met a mechanic who refused to paint your car Lime Green (despite you having the money) because you haven't won 40 races? GTA Online is composed of bullshit, there is more freedom in GTA IV multiplayer mode.

[@DE-BO2687]

Its amazing. I scrolled down the comments and haven't seen a bad one yet. Well done

[@MegapiemanPHD]

GTA online seems to be one of those games that's fun with friends but not so fun by yourself.

[@dellefranz]

My experience with GTA online is that French or Belgian people get fucking pissed when they hear someone speak English. Last guy I remembered made a whole ear rape opera screaming "Fok jour motheur!" and nothing else!

[@kabultheangryfinn]

GTA V Online is fun as hell, but... in order for you to create "invite only" -game so you can play "catch my rocket" with your friends is annoying... You have to go to single player, wait for it to load, press esc, choose play GTA online, choose "invite only" session, wait for it to load and invite everybody in and wait for them to load... And yes, I haven't found any other way... so please do enlighten me, if there's another option... Second thing which annoys me... How come when you're doing jobs, missions, races, heists etc.. it doesn't throw you back to the session with your friends... nooo... everybody goes to different public game, where you can hear some angry kid crying about how they're getting harassed... (okay it's 50/50 chance that this happens but still)... And don't get me started on how annoying the invite process is... Just a tip, ignore the "home" -button/social club.. Best way to join via invitation is to press esc, go to "friends", click on your friend and hit "accept invite"... going thru social club does not work.. Putting these annoyances behind... Yes, it's a damn fun to play with your friends..

[@waffielz3106]

Q:there are 500 bricks on a plane. one fall how many are left A: 499 Q:what are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator A: open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge Q:what are the four steps to putting a giraffe in the refrigerator A:open fridge,take elephant out,put giraffe in close fridge Q:The lion king is having birthday party.all the animals attend but one.which animal is it and why? A: giraffe.he's stuck in a refrigerator Q: sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. there is on bridge and the only way she can get a cross is by swimming. she swims across and makes it to the other side safely.why A:the alligators are all at the birthday party Q:sally dies anyways.why? A:she got hot in the head by a flying brick

[@InvaderKaz2008]

GTA:O with random's is pretty much only fun if you enjoy nothing but pure chaos. I tend to stick to closed lobbies with friends.

[@mrpolybius6487]

If only I had friends

[@dupton69]

Aaah spot on, much love. Always the most enjoyable accurate reviews.

[@NinjaSpartan316]

You and CinemaSins would be great friends.

[@sumomanify]

NinjaSpartan316 the cynicism from those 2 would even make jesus think life is shit

[@jimideus]

THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN

[@ItsMe-or5tx]

Yahtzee is a dick to games. *DING*

[@Stevyyy1994]

Returded Phoenixmorph Something is a dick to something cliche. *DING*

[@peardude8979]

I just watched one of cinema sins videos before this one. Don't I feel special.

[@Usumgallu]

Join -> play for 10 minutes -> everyone explodes -> find another session -> play 10 minutes -> everyone explodes -> report hackers -> R* asks for evidence.

[@Forcedminer]

does an online raid mission me: 5% cut player2: 5% cut player3: 5% cut host: 85% cut Greddy fucker

[@qm230]

There NEEDS to be a re-review of this

[@alfoxie]

I've never seen a community in a game that's so toxic and hostile that you literally have to glitch or exploit the game to get anywhere. Countless times I've walked gun holstered near another player, only for them to immediately open fire like I'm some sort of cash machine. Plus it doesn't help when they let them have tanks, hydras and god knows what else, but if you want a police car to roleplay or any cool looking vehicle AT ALL oh no sorry you can't, were rockstar, we wouldn't want you having fun would we? It also angers me to see rockstar praised as almost Jesus in the gaming industry when the likes of United Front (not airlines calm down) make the criminally underrated sleeping dogs and get piss all for it and have to shut down. Hell, even ubisoft pull it together sometimes, with Far Cry 3 easily being one of the best shooters on the market to date, and Watch Dogs 2 being underrated to hell too. (see a reccuring theme with dogs here) Rockstar has big open worlds but they are empty. Ubisoft, United Front and many others have small, even tiny open worlds packed with decently made side missions, activities, none of this bowling, golf, tennis who wants to play GTA for that, who?

[@0x777]

After the shitshow that GTA4 was I discovered Saints Row and didn't look back. It's almost like Saints Row is GTA + fun.

[@donny7841]

"If they're red stab them in the back before they start worshipping the sun"😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@sunlightpluto2198]

wow how did you get a copy of this PS5 game six years early