Grey rock is stupid

[@connectingthedots100]

It works pretty well tho. Strangely it helps me be more authentic and grounded. Because the narcissistic bs is not based in reality. It's just cloak and daggers. A mirage. It feels good not having to take it into account. Leaves you more time to concentrate on yourself and what's really important.

[@lorimiller7261]

I set boundaries then used Grey Rock to leave. When he started his toxic conversations I would listen and just nod and agree. When he would start to rage I would say “ I will not engage “ That ended most conflicts and he’d walk away. It is a great technique in handling toxic people throughout your life 😊 Great topic

[@lisamr40]

I have a few neighbors that I thought were my friends, over the years, they have proved me wrong. I decided a long time ago that i did not need their behavior in my life. I will say Hello and if they stop me I will listen to what they say but I no longer share my life with them. It does work for those people whom you don't really NEED to be around. Great video!!

[@61shotbeehive]

Kevin, please do an episode on how to ENJOY LIFE after saying goodbye to narcissistic abuse

[@cloudnectar564]

I like that idea.....um, been there.

[@danielkaiser8971]

The more you heal from narcissistic abuse, the better you feel. And the better you feel, the more you enjoy life. Please remember to be gentle, patient, loving and kind to yourself as you continue healing.

[@lukesruben]

is it even possible to be happy..after so much abuse??

[@Megan-s4u]

​@@lukesrubenslowly yes, take it as a lesson and let them go be them to someone else

[@danielkaiser8971]

​@@lukesruben Absolutely YES. Not only is it possible to be happy after so much abuse, you will also be wiser. Healing makes it difficult for toxic people to trick you because you'll see right through them automatically. Good people will be imperfect, and how wonderful it is to have that in common with good people.

[@jeankipper6954]

It works best if you don't care about anything they want. It's an excellent exit technique. Not a permanent way to live.

[@AutumnGold0706]

Young children can become Grey Rock and as adults never become who they were meant to be.🥀

[@lwedel3361]

So it is basically taking the ball and going home. Saying "not playing!" without saying.

[@leanneschultz4752]

Gray rocking helps in that we don’t argue about every little thing, if I don’t respond, conversation over. But then I walk away with feeling like a shell of a person. I have learned I am better off not caring about his words. Your health depends on it. He will not change. Can’t leave, so I am just trying to be happy without my husband’s support. Sad, it’s not a marriage just a roof over my head.

[@amuddymoose]

You’re not alone…hugs.

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

Yes.. that's when it's time to go OLD SCHOOL and BAIL without a word. I don't owe anyone an explanation who's showing a few too many red flags of playing a game of PILE-ON along with others with too many red flag comments here and there while pretending to be my friend

[@beckymichel1845]

Yay! Thank God I'm doing this intuitively….. I can't wait to stop. Very helpful information❤️

[@julienatoli8561]

The problem with grey rock is you end up stuffing your stuff!! 🤦 You become a pressure cooker ... not good!🤦

[@JoanieDavenport-ot7fm]

And stress can cause a number of diseases. Cancer for one

[@danielkaiser8971]

Correct. When you gray rock, you have to stuff your stuff, as you put it. This is why it's so important to have a therapist or network of trusted friends with whom you can process and get out what you have stuffed. If it stays inside you, it can become poisonous.

[@laurelletieman4943]

Well said!

[@CatholicSaintslayIncorrupt]

Yes. Agree. I chose to name what they are doing in the moment and exposing. It works for me. You have to be very fast at identifying within the conversation what they are doing & name it /shame them quickly and walk away fast. 😊 realigns the power inbalance!

[@mic396]

Tru but on flip side helps you not react an in that there is power ... Forces us to get up an leave do things we need to do for ourselves with the energy we don't waste on someone who don't care anyway ,,, it's been a survival technique for me

[@chriswalls5831]

I went no contact with many of them

[@Lyrielonwind]

If you grey rock for too long you get stuck in freeze response.

[@milena11570]

This!

[@felinelover1191]

Me now

[@GuitarMatt]

Amen!

[@JAMESCARNEY273]

For me the possible problem with this is that the abuser thinks they get a free pass on their behaviour since our lack of reaction allows them to think it is all fine.

[@christinehallett3197]

At the end of the dsy you cannot really control how someone else behaves...you can only control your own behaviour and who you associate with or who you don't!

[@privateprivate8366]

I’ve never thought of it this way as, it’s mostly taught, as a form of survival, within the confines of a narcissistic relation one cannot escape. But, it is true that, in the long term, you’d become the walking dead, particularly if your situation is bad enough. I’ve personally not have to use the grey rock method, at least on the daily, because I didn’t live with my toxic family. I simply went no contact, after warning my mother, a few times, that if her behavior didn’t improve, she’d be down to one daughter. But, yes, you’d be the walking dead and I can tell you that, not even being the walking dead, it can feel like it, when you’ve come to the realization of how many years the narcissist may have stolen from you and you’ve landed at an age, where there’s little to no recovery time left. Although the grey rock method is meant to protect you and narcissists are often attracted to shiny things, anywhere from new supply to an emotional response, sure, the grey rock method can also work for some of them. Why? Because they like stealing your joy. For some of them, what could be better, than a life human being, forced into an almost catatonic state, who knows no other life, than to quietly and obediently serve? A state of petrified fear, based upon, “Well, at least you’re still alive.” I know not everyone can get out. But, yes, if possible, you should still be planning your escape, quietly.

[@staciehulm4595]

Yeah... it's worked for me with at least 3 people. You can't hang around though. The length of the interaction has to be very brief and you have to get out. It works best witth someone whom you intend to never talk to again, so you gray rock them until they leave you alone. I work with another person I have to gray rock. I avoid situations where I must interact with this person. If I had to work directly with them all the time, I'd have to get another job.

[@BeeElle-rt8qf]

Love the pet rock

[@SST4SSG]

The best counterpoint to the universally recommended grey rock method ever! I was a "PET ROCK" for too long instead of just leaving. Grey Rock is good, but for only so long!

[@kittensugars]

I wouldn't have been able to stay "grey" for long. My husband put diligent effort into provoking and shaming me. He was sucking me into his nasty demon vortex. I had to leave.

[@s.h.8245]

This video healed me. I officially will no long dim my light

[@SST4SSG]

Same here. I used to beat myself up for not grey rocking it perfectly enough on certain days. Then I stopped shutting up and people disappeared and I'm so glad to be this way, nowadays. (The trash took itself out, yay!)

[@terrylynndelman]

I want to be authentic & grey rocking feels like I am being fake.

[@hggtg]

Because you are and you can't do it for very long.It's dangerous!

[@jacquelinedonofrio7399]

@@hggtg My feeling is that like Al anons philosophy, you are detaching with love. Don’t engage when they start and walk away. Take care of yourself by engaging with others who genuinely like and care for you. Also, do things that make you happy. That is so helpful for me.

[@SST4SSG]

​@@hggtg​​ AGREE with you! Kevin is RIGHT in this video here!! (Rebelling against their inadvertent "Just be a doormat" advice). Like him, I think there is a good place and time for grey-rocking. But it can't be the end-all-be-all of all interactions like those. Otherwise, to quote Kevin, "You become a PET ROCK just like they wanted you to!"

[@michellawarren1715]

I have to agree...I'm currently grey rocking someone at work. I feel that it's working, he can't get threw to me. I can see how this method if used long term can shut me down too,. Fortunately for me and this individual is leaving soon.

[@jenniferpoitier]

That was excellent. It’s such a good point. It has to be a temporary measure with a specific outcome in mind. It’s not a sustainable way of being. Thank you for that clarification.

[@mad-scientist6027]

I tried this with a narc "friend" after watching Ramani. It did sound a little too good to be true, and what do you know, it didn't do shit. First of all, it assumes that all narcissist needs is a reaction. They just need supply in general, and supply can take many forms. Having the power to shut you down like that and still be allowed to be around you gives them such supply, in my experience. Until I realized that the "block" button exists for a reason, the situation just got worse and worse. I still automatically do this kind of behavior with my narc mom, as it goes all the way back to my earliest memories and is hard to break. Her abuse was also far more hidden than that fake friend, so I'm still struggling with figuring out how to NC my way out, but I do know for a fact that NC is the only way.

[@peachesandpoets]

Ramani makes it clear that this is for situations where you HAVE to be around a narcissist. For instance, not everyone is from an American culture where you can see your family once a year or never if you don't want to. This method can be used with people you HAVE blocked but have to be around, let's say a funeral. Many people have to have contact with narcissists, even in short instances. Let's say, a workplace where you're still waiting to leave. This isn't about trying to stop abuse. The dude in the video, and you, don't know what the method you're criticizing is about. How odd.

[@mad-scientist6027]

@@peachesandpoets Is it clear in every single video? Have you seen them all? I also seem to remember other channels praising the effectiveness of the gray rock method in getting narcissists to leave you alone. This was quite a few years back. I'm saying that with the vast amount of narc videos out there, some of them are bound to be bad or missing crucial info, not trying to shame Ramani. I also do understand that escape is sometimes next to impossible, but like Kevin in the video, I'm not convinced that the method does any good. I seem to have angered you, sorry. I think it's just that different sources seem to present the method in different ways sometimes, I don't find it odd that it's confusing.

[@danielkaiser8971]

@@mad-scientist6027The gray rock method can typically anger narcissists when you first start using it because they're used to you being a certain way and with gray rocking you're different. They will provoke you even more (often with a form of narcissistic rage) because they're even more desperate for a reaction out of you and they are suddenly feeling like they are losing control over making you react which is their supply, and now you've just gray rocked them and threatened to cut off their supply. Gray rocking doesn't work as well with people who already know you well enough, because a narcissist will call your bluff every time. It works better with acquaintances or narcissists who don't have as much supply to lose from you.

[@user-zy8gk2nn7d]

"Having the power to shut you down like that and still be allowed to be around you gives them such supply" - thank You for this statement - that is exactly where narc wants us to be. narc "father" has never actually spoken or acknowledged" my existence except for his psychopathic rages. Somehow narc loved when I was around and he could stone wall me for decades - :) he was a demon and thank God he does not longer exist here.

[@malcolmchalmers9231]

Stay strong and removal of the person and not reacting and focus on you and your healing

[@elynegron8428]

It has most definitely worked well for me [my mother is a narcissist]. By not giving her a reaction to what she says to me, trying to provoke me to jealousy or envy, drives her nuts and I remain unaffected by her nonsense. 😉

[@NONONannette]

The simplest effective grey rocking I've ever done was to be seen to not grey rock with others & so the narc got their nose out of joint & decided to have nothing to do with ME! WIN!

[@SusanWillans-b9q]

True narc will never really stop their bad behaviours.

[@CatholicSaintslayIncorrupt]

Very good. Keep quiet to keep strong & empowerred within. Focused

[@lucciacampos7911]

This message is so good. Is so true in my life. Silence is working for me. Till I leave 😮 Thank you

[@billiemunn]

GREAT video! So true! (Sometimes needed , but you will absolutely lose your beautiful personality if you gray rock for an extended period of time. ) Matt. 5:14-16 Even Jesus said not to hide your light, but to let it shine for all to see. 👍🙏💕

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

Just hide it to people who want to harm you and not people who are good.

[@knet914]

Sounds like I have to be a pet rock till the day I die. I'm 53, diagnosed with MS 3 years ago has advanced rapidly. Am somewhat disabled and dependant. My health insurance is through her work. We share our home. I have very minimal family and would not want to become a burden on anybody (else). I have been reborn into a broken body. I've made many bad choices in my life. Guess it's my time to reap what I've sewn. I am convinced that the MS is a result of the years of stress and abuse I've been through.

[@karentownsend9310]

Yes it is!

[@phyllistouchstone7136]

My late daughter’s husband would holler louder if she grey rock. He was horrible.

[@Lyrielonwind]

It drives them crazy because they are not getting their supply, that is, your emotions.

[@GuitarMatt]

@@Lyrielonwind But that could be a get out of jail free card basically, for what it's worth (RIP to Phyllis' daughter, BTW.) I had an ex-GF throw a temper tantrum after trying to push my buttons. I just told her politely that she had to go back home. Also got rid of a male friend who thought that they can sit there and make little digs. I roll my eyes and said something sarcastic back and they started they told me to leave their apartment and they were pushing me in the back as I was walking out. I turned around and said you better stop touching me or I'm going to slug you. They pushed me all 12 steps in between where I was sitting and the front then I turned around with my fists ready to come at them and they act like they're going to fight and they ran behind the door like a little coward and they locked it Anyway, get back on topic, I used to do this "must-rock at all times" mode in certain situations. Yet I really appreciate Kevin challenging this being an end all, be all, solution to all situations. Because you grew up 100% of the time instead of 90%, you lose your soul, you "lose your light,"* and you lose your assertiveness IMHO. *Great way of Kevin articulating it. I think low contact (if at a job or in a marriage with kids) or NO CONTACT is the way too go. There is no "Dear John" letter here. They don't deserve an explanation by that point. I went no contact with my three siblings the same exact way in silence over the last few years at 50-yr. (I'll put up with two red flags, but I'm sure not putting up with the third one nowadays!)

[@GuitarMatt]

​@@Lyrielonwind But that could be a get out of jail free card basically, for what it's worth, for the target/empath. (RIP to Phyllis' daughter, BTW.) I had an ex-GF throw a temper tantrum after trying to push my buttons. I just told her politely that she had to go back home. I haven't seen her since. Also got rid of a male friend who thought that they can sit there and make little digs. I roll my eyes and said something sarcastic back and they started they told me to leave their apartment and they were pushing me in the back as I was walking out. I turned around and said you better stop touching me or I'm going to slug you. They pushed me all 12 steps in between where I was sitting and the front then I turned around with my fists ready to come at them and they act like they're going to fight and they ran behind the door like a little coward and they locked it Anyway, get back on topic, I used to do this "must-rock at all times" mode in certain situations. Yet I really appreciate Kevin challenging this being an end all, be all, solution to all situations. Because if you GREY-ROCK 100% of the time instead of 90% or 50% of the timr--you lose your soul, you "lose your light,"* and you lose your assertiveness IMHO. *Great way of Kevin articulating it. I think low contact (if at a job or in a marriage with kids) or NO CONTACT is the way too go. There is no "Dear John" letter here. They don't deserve an explanation by that point. I went no contact with my three siblings the same exact way in silence over the last few years at 50-yr. (I'll put up with two red flags, but I'm sure not putting up with the 3rd one nowadays!)

[@GuitarMatt]

@@Lyrielonwind But that could be a get out of jail free card basically, for what it's worth, for the target/empath. (RIP to Phyllis' daughter, BTW.) I had an ex-GF throw a temper tantrum after trying to push my buttons. I just told her politely that she had to go back home. I haven't seen her since. Also got rid of a male friend who thought that they can sit there and make little digs. I roll my eyes and said something sarcastic back and they started they told me to leave their apartment and they were pushing me in the back as I was walking out. I turned around and said you better stop touching me or I'm going to slug you. They pushed me all 12 steps in between where I was sitting and the front then I turned around with my fists ready to come at them and they act like they're going to fight and they ran behind the door like a little coward and they locked it Anyway, get back on topic, I used to do this "must-rock at all times" mode in certain situations. Yet I really appreciate Kevin challenging this being an end all, be all, solution to all situations. Because if you GREY-ROCK 100% of the time instead of 90% or 50% of the timr--you lose your soul, you "lose your light,"* and you lose your assertiveness IMHO. *Great way of Kevin articulating it. I think low contact (if at a job or in a marriage with kids) or NO CONTACT is the way too go. There is no "Dear John" letter here. They don't deserve an explanation by that point. I went no contact with my three siblings the same exact way in silence over the last few years at 50-yr. (I'll put up with two red flags, but I'm sure not putting up with the 3rd one nowadays!)

[@GuitarMatt]

​@@Lyrielonwind But that could be a get out of jail free card basically, for what it's worth, for the target/empath. (RIP to Phyllis' daughter, BTW.) I had an ex-GF throw a temper tantrum after trying to push my buttons. I just told her politely that she had to go back home. I haven't seen her since. Also got rid of a male friend who thought that they can sit there and make little digs. I roll my eyes and said something sarcastic back and they started they told me to leave their apartment and they were pushing me in the back as I was walking out. I turned around and said you better stop touching me or I'm going to slug you. They pushed me all 12 steps in between where I was sitting and the front then I turned around with my fists ready to come at them and they act like they're going to fight and they ran behind the door like a little coward and they locked it Anyway, get back on topic, I used to do this "must-rock at all times" mode in certain situations. Yet I really appreciate Kevin challenging this being an end all, be all, solution to all situations. Because if you GREY-ROCK 100% of the time instead of 90% or 50% of the timr--you lose your soul, you "lose your light,"* and you lose your assertiveness IMHO. *Great way of Kevin articulating it. I think low contact (if at a job or in a marriage with kids) or NO CONTACT is the way too go. There is no "Dear John" letter here. They don't deserve an explanation by that point. I went no contact with my three siblings the same exact way in silence over the last few years at 50-yr. (I'll put up with two red flags, but I'm sure not putting up with the 3rd one nowadays!)

[@amygradybsw]

It works like a champ. ALSO ADDING THE WORD "NO". IF THEY KEEP MOUTHING OFF JUST SAY CALMLY "NO" AGAIN AND AGAIN IF NEEDED. TRUST ME WITH TIME AND PRACTICE IT WORKS LIKE A CHAMP. LOL 😂😂😂❤❤❤

[@allisonnovak500]

One narc intensely scrutinized me like an intrusive x-ray while I was grey rocking. Almost as if they were waiting for me to crack. I have such a deep-seated disgust for narcissists and I don’t have a good poker face. It’s difficult for me to do the polite hi/bye. I’d much prefer it be bye.

[@oceanelf2512]

I started using the tray technique, without knowing what it was, when I stopped giving in to her. She noticed the change in me and couldn't handle it.

[@lesterstone8595]

In my work situation, I plan to grey rock until the narcissists leave. I'm cold, clinical, and boring with the narcissists but warm and charming with all others. I hope that this discourages the narcs and wins the others to my cause. I hope it works. It has shut down some of the snarky comments that the narcs used to make to me in public. I prefer you to Ramani and Carter because they seem to sometimes side with the narcissist, while you recognize narcissism as bad choice people make, and you give biblical support for your conclusions.

[@EDS-zo8gx]

I started greyrocking years before I knew it was a thing, simply to avoid wasting hours of my life in directionless arguments that didn't serve me (but served my spouse). The danger of just turning into a pawn is very real, so it comes down to knowing what items are worth grey rocking and which are worth the energy of argument or outright defiance.

[@gaddygaddy1916]

You’re talking about balance, and the lack of it for so many of us. Thanks for the reminder!

[@BR-cd2cl]

Omg you are so on target and understand alllllll the ins and outs and nuances of this situation❣️This community is forever indebted to you, Thank you!

[@lisaleone5128]

Yes. The person may escalate their behavior.

[@JoanieDavenport-ot7fm]

I completely agree with Royal We. Read Walking on Eggshells on Borderline personality disorder….. narcissism is, my opinion, such a complex dynamic of a severely damaged person. Not fixable. Don’t be foolish enough to take on this project. I am convinced they are jealous of your light and seek to suck the air and light out of you to feed themselves and their vacant selves.

[@Samaritan38]

People with NPD's are basically is sympathizing with the devil 👿.

[@kittensugars]

He basically wanted a wifebot. I should cook the meals, and open my legs, but keep my mouth closed, and never need anything or have an opinion. A THING to be put away/silenced when not needed.

[@amuddymoose]

You are spot on, he doesn’t want a relationship just an object to be used when needed then shelved.

[@trumpeterswan4177]

My experience was that as I tried not to respond, I was just putting off the inevitable fact that I had to just leave the situation as I was pretending that I was not upset with the abuse.

[@jacquelineglitter4328]

I have been grey rocking a family member for a year. I tried talking to them previously to tell them how critical they were and they denied it. I was constantly critized by them almost everytime I visited with them. I would say I went and bought some new shoes and all I heard is do you need them. I buy shoes for under 20 at Ross and I need them. Now when they ask ne what I'm doing I always say cleaning or cooking. I even got shade for cooking hamburgers. Can you afford hamburger is what they told me. Its helped me so much. My head doesn't hurt so much anymore.

[@elainebmack]

Sometimes, grey rocking can be by degrees, but not for too long. You save your real self for those you trust and like but get cold and dismissive with those you want to cut off. You can't do it for too long though, otherwise you become rigid and artificial.

[@rootsiebee]

It helped me, because abusive systems work much like a cult, for me it really helped clear away the toxic triangulations. Getting away from the madness brings back my peace.

[@rootsiebee]

Btw, I agree it is a default that can make matters worse unless you know how it can lead to anxiety. You have to mean it, and make the distance something good for YOU.

[@jeanette5301]

Your videos have helped me the most. This was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. 🙏

[@elainebmack]

Grey rock works only for a short time, and only if you have decided to leave the relationship permanently. You must seriously be gone, totally, and you cannot be fazed by anything the narc says. A former friend verbally attacked me one day because she went on my computer without my permission and read some things she didn't like. Her big statement was, "I don't care what happens to you." She said it over and over, apparently because she wasn't getting the reaction she wanted. I had no reaction because I didn't care. I had no response because it made no sense, and I was already mentally and emotionally out the door though she didn't know it. When people say weird things that don't register with me, there is nothing to say back to them. It's grey rock time, but it is generally permanent, not a stopgap measure. You are already gone for good.

[@covert_warrior]

Haven't even started dealing with a commercial. The title says everything ❤

[@thepaintedpoppies1010]

Had to grey rock the last time I saw them. I knew if I showed emotion they would immediately write me off (which they did, regardless). The change in my behavior was immediately noticed and I was accused of having an attitude. Then they resorted to baiting to try to get an emotional response out of me so I could be controlled and written off as "overreacting" (the usual tactic). Fortunately God helped me maintain control and they did not get what they wanted. NC 1 month now and healing.

[@GuitarMatt]

Good for you for being a step ahead of the DARVO scenario they were trying to pull you into. Especially great to do when you know it's the 9th inning by that point, you know that the game is over and that they're not returning back to your homefield

[@thepaintedpoppies1010]

@@GuitarMatt Thank you for your kind words. It took me over 30 years to wake up but against the odds the Lord brought me someone who would truly love me who helped me ultimately escape. I would not have been able to do it without him.

[@warriormom5843]

It escalates them to literally getting in your face and becoming physically aggressive so you will be forced to react just to protect yourself.

[@daynapeterson9033]

My boss did that!!

[@warriormom5843]

@@daynapeterson9033 they’re demons. You cannot convince me any different.

[@dartmouthma6892]

You are right on! Thank you❤

[@connectingthedots101]

Thank you for your time and teaching. I am often redirected after watching you to some Dr.... Yet, I for one resonate more with the way you flow. It's raw, real, and applicable. Again thank you, know you are making an impact.

[@wendygoddard6610]

If I ignore my narcissistic husband he becomes more aggressive

[@danielkaiser8971]

Gray rocking is not exactly the same as ignoring, but both deny a narcissist their supply and can lead to them having narcissistic rage.

[@Samaritan38]

Just play along. Pretend that you're giving his attention but in very short reply. Also try to nod. To deal with a faker you must become one. Sucks to say, but true.

[@krisztianidr8143]

Grey rock is not ignoring, a technic to maintain the interaction in a form that tries to minimize the damage onto you. It means your reactions lack of emotional components. Like a robot, dull and boring, or if you wouldn't care about or not interested in the topic. Right to the point, short interactions. Indifference... Narcissists thrives on emotions they can provoke out of you. This gives them the feeling of importance, being seen and being in control. Narcissists like games, in grey rock we try to avoid those games. Don't wrestle with the pigs...

[@Hetnes3574]

Grey rocked into a pet rock by default. 36 years. I must actually be indestructible to still be breathing. He left. I got too grey and he did 4,3,2 of the top 4 things they do and the #1 devalued everything about me. Fortunately I do have Jesus, the Rock of Ages, and He keeps telling me the truth. I’m reconciling…with myself. The narc and his flying monkeys are the ones who are shells. I wish I hadn’t wasted so much of my life. I can’t go back and change that. I can go forward.

[@theverystones2643]

Yes this is true. Grey rock can only be an exit strategy while you’re preparing for total cut off

[@elainebmack]

Absolutely! It's definitely a short-term strategy for sure until you leave permanently.

[@billyboyd3493]

Well to me 'the grey rock' method is to become exceeding boring to the narcissist so they garner no supply. It need not be permanent.

[@rebeccaconn389]

Yes, my understanding is it temporary … if they interact with you a few times and get little to no “supply” … they may move on and look elsewhere for supply.

[@akanicolerocks711]

It's hard to gray rock while someone is screaming at you for an hour, but I have done it. I think I might be stuck in the freeze response though.

[@GuitarMatt]

4:51 "When are you get in an abusive relationship, you GREYROCK by default. What is even worse than that, you become a PET ROCK!" Thank you for making this distinction because something felt wrong about doing grey-rock at 100% of the time. Like you say later in the presentation, GREY-ROCK is good when you have an escape plan that no one else knows. Great counter approach to the "must GREY-ROCK 100% of the time and NOT give "NEGATIVE SUPPLY" mentality that's often preached on anti-narc channels. I'm not going to "lose my authenticity" neither. There's a time and a place for it but it's a bit overrated in these anti-narc/pro-empath circles online. PLUS one on the perils of becoming a "pet rock." I'm afraid you might be correct here when you say that those people wanted us to become a pet rock in the first. Therefore the danger of an "unsustainable" GREY-ROCK For Life strategy

[@Brownmahfun]

OH MY GOD! I ALWAYS THOUGHT GRAY ROCKING WAS STUPID and it never worked for me, I had to leave. I have been told gray rock, gray rock, gray rock over and over again. TERRIBLE.

[@sherricoffman]

ThankYouKevin 4Sharing !!!❤ 🕊 🪨 🎸 MuchLove!!!

[@covert_warrior]

We lit at the same time 😂

[@GuitarMatt]

Pretty much same here. Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

[@gaddygaddy1916]

You’re so right….when you’re living with a narcissist, you reduce your size all the time, so they’ll have less of a target to hit. And you become a shell

[@marygoodman9530]

Thank you Kevin, great information ✨

[@LoveTheEighties]

What in the world? I haven't seen this channel in a while. The last time I was here you were so down to earth and dressed casually walking through the park now your laid out in fur robes, king chair and cigars lol such a drastic change

[@turtlelake5560]

good insight brother

[@jdoc7627]

Civility for normal adults. In this case it’s the tolerance factor..exhausted 😂

[@SusanWillans-b9q]

Love sleeve button pattern on your jacket.

[@jillclark4876]

My nex became increasingly agitated and aggressive when I practiced Gray Rock.

[@covert_warrior]

Wise words ❤

[@oceanelf2512]

Wow. I was almost a grey rock for about three years. Not quite, because it is impossible for me to withhold all my reactions. But I put up without being true to myself and to her, with a lot of her stuff.

[@teeyaquintana]

I've gone no contact.

[@Luke747gal]

Grey rocking helped me not engage when he picked fights and tried to get me riled up. But after several weeks of grey rock responses he flew into a full blown rage.

[@lailaa6662]

Grey rock doesn’t always work.. and they will just look for supply elsewhere and find your replacement and discard you.. this can be hard if you aren’t ready to leave yet for various reasons (emotional, financial, etc).. setting boundaries is a better option.. it allows you to “ subtly” set boundaries to protect yourself until you’re ready or able to leave a narc.

[@drkknath]

Useful and practical advice.

[@laurisullivan2732]

I did this gray rock thingy about 10 days ago. The less I responded and kept myself from defending myself, the angrier he became. It got very ugly and I ended up packing some belongings and got out. So I don’t know if that is success or not lol

[@davshavu]

Gray/Grey/... Why not call it Gary rock, lol... usually, I have no comment about a topic on these ideas, but this particular one, I will add some info that I'm sure most of us have encountered with the Gary rock routine. Once you've become unresponsive emotionally with the narcissist.... inside their devious minds, they decide who you are. The narc thinks they know you from simple one word responses like "uhuhs, yeah, naw, yada yada yadas. You say 1 word responses to in between up to and well over 1 hour + pontifications, and the narc believes you're on script with them. I'm not on script! I'm minimizing the spirit sucking damage the narc inflicts upon all who come to visit this miserable place. It doesn't stop the narc at all. It does help yourself and is the only tool for phone calls with family narcs who will call much less as I become more boring to them. It works for that purpose and gives yourself a great insight to the narcs tactics... the peppered abusive language and boundary crossing... all presented in a holier than thou fashion. So, statistically, I gather the horrid tactics and realize that my well-being doesn't matter much in the narcs mind. In fact, the time wasted on how great the narc has pumped him/her self up is a pretty good indicator they never cared if I had something to do at all. It's like driving the wrong way down the freeway conversation. Run! You'll never survive these unconnected individuals. They DO NOT want to improve. This is the narcissist. They have no real friends. Being fragile and angry is the road they chose.

[@LuxyFairy]

Nice shirt btw 😌👌

[@hasansarhan9296]

everything you said is 100000 % you become a shell of yourself

[@michelleknapp9176]

It’s hard to gray rock at work

[@Lyrielonwind]

It's much worse in a family cult; you are outnumbered and they attack gang-style.

[@amygradybsw]

LOVE THIS CHANNEL 😂😂😂😂❤❤❤

[@stephanieh7240]

It has a huge energy cost I’ve found, being around people I need to maintain such a protective energetic field for. At some point it has become too expensive. Eg when I’m depleted, going through a tough time. I need to cleanse afterwards. Exhausting.

[@LMV797]

Yes. I became the rock just like they wanted in this nest mess.

[@covert_warrior]

The more calm you are the worse they get 😢

[@covert_warrior]

I wish I could afford a coaching session. He stole everything for me. I don't know which way is up right now. Can you please do an updated video on ruminating....

[@Lyrielonwind]

Try doing some mindfulness meditation guided with earphones 🎧. It's not easy and you need to be patient but you can also stay in your body. Diaphragmatic breathing and somatic exercises help too.

[@julieoliphant1615]

The grey rock doesn’t work because the narcissist does other things to make me miserable besides saying things.

[@Alanadesigns]

It allows them to act out and disrespect you without consequences….I say No thanks and leave.

[@jeanette5301]

Remember Independence Day when the president is asking if they can have peace? Lol and the alien telling the president "no peace" I believe I had that exact conversation with the narc in my life 😅

[@takke9830]

It sounds like gaslighting honestly. Like telling someone to just change their behavior to save themselves quietly. It feels super toxic. You need to leave as soon as you can.

[@Laura-AnneMusika]

Yes I am!!

[@rishabhtripathi3859]

Your thumbnail has the narcisisstic stare

[@margiel2180]

Agreed.. I love you keep that cigar goin...😂

[@meloneymoore8856]

Thank you Kevin for pointing this out ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon

[@Michelle_One_Good_Eye]

This method provoked tantrums from the narcissist in my life. Although entertaining not exactly the response I was wanting……

[@OneofMany-yt5sl]

Many therapists say this makes them escalate their attacks and demoralizing behavior more until they know they are not getting enough narcissistic supply, then finally discard. I saw this happen in my case. I was not wanting the person to discard me like yesterday's trash, I just did not want to play their game. I was trying to help them around the house and not have to get emotionally involved with the game playing. Maybe it was a good thing they ended our relationship... it is better that it be on them than on YOU.

[@Michelle_One_Good_Eye]

@@OneofMany-yt5sl I am a realist, if I’m discarded, I’m really not offended. lol it’s worse than a lifetime of the same

[@MzJessicaDawn]

GR still causes narc rage

[@fifilafleur5555]

I would love to know what “The Royal We” means. I’ve been watching Kevin’s videos for years now and still don’t know. Can someone please explain what it is???

[@lxraycatmaui2884]

Are you watching, or are you listening? ❤️

[@danielkaiser8971]

I have wondered that myself. Before learning of this channel, I had only ever heard of "the royal we" to informally refer to someone who thinks they are better than everyone else. But since it also has a legitimate usage, that is, being a plural self-reference on behalf of a higher, more dignified office or group, I think it could be more along these lines. My guess, then, would be that Kevin is promoting a sense of belonging to narcissistic survivors who are authentically dignified which is diametrically opposed to a narcissist who uses manipulation and abuse to coerce everyone else into reflecting an inauthentic dignity back to the narcissist.

[@gloriacoleman7012]

The narcs want you under their thumb and you to submit to them all the time, if you are with them still, grey rock until parting, then put them outside the front garden of your life s a stranger.

[@ed4099]

What’s the best way to handle a narcissist family at a weekend family event If you want to see father who is very ill

[@LMV797]

How can you go Grey rock whenever your living in a narcissist nest mess?

[@juanadrianrobaina5763]

Grey rock or rather huge grey mountain lol does not always work because the narcissist does not care whether or not you are happy or unhappy,nothing in regards to their partner bothers them and even if you tried the grey rock method ,he will figure out that you are really struggling with it and not take you seriously ever...they are devils walking the earth,here to destroy love and compassion😮😢,another great video says Katya from Cuba🇨🇺

[@LindaStokes-ff2kv]

Grey rock only works for so long unfortunately. Not being able to say what you really want to say therefore keeping things inside is not healthy either. :(

[@FlorenceLunsford-sk2nj]

I feel like l have fallen short