GRIEF AS AN ADOPTEE. DISCUSSING PREGNANCY LOSS AND THE GRIEF PROCESS FOR ADOPTEES.

[@sarasullivan4897]

My heart goes out to you, and I can truly say I know some of what you feel. I lost a baby boy at about 12 weeks. He would be about 48 years old now and I hold him close to my heart. Some grief is still going on and I am 78 years old. I tried to follow the family you are talking about and had to stop because of the mother’s attitude toward this precious baby. She made me so angry. I felt like she really dislikes this little boy. Here’s praying you find peace and wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing how you feel. ❤️🙏🇨🇱

[@NewEnglandSeoul]

Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry for your loss. Only fellow mothers who have lost can understand the depths of such a loss. Perceived as insignificant to many because the baby was not yet born but meant so much to the family. They live on in our hearts for always ❤️

[@BrookieLikesCars]

Praying for you and your family 💔 I've heard how hard it is to lose a baby. I've seen that channel and I'm glad I haven't looked at the comments. Kids adjust and it takes time, patience and learning. I pray that child learns and grows and the nasty comments are stopped. Poor thing will grow up and see those comments and that's not okay at all. I agree with your view on it, a child is a child. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. You are so strong, don't forget that even on your darkest days.

[@NewEnglandSeoul]

I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way about that channel’s content. Reading through their comments section it certainly felt like I was the only one. Thanks for commenting and your prayers ❤️

[@daniellep2719]

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a loss between my first and second children, and was completely blindsided as well. I never had a clue that things had changed--I still felt very pregnant. I feel like it stole my joy a bit for my 2nd and 3rd children, honestly, because I announced my pregnancies really quite late with them, and didn't enjoy the pregnancies as much because I was always worried. We have 3 bio kids, and are in the process of adopting from Korea. I think I know what family vlog you are referring to because they were in a Korean Adoption Families group on facebook, but left when they got offended that adult adoptees asked them to stop using the term "gotcha day." Seriously. I don't put any of my kids on facebook/youtube at all because the privacy , or lack there of, and facebook's literal ownership of our photos really bothers me, but to put a grieving child on there for potentially millions to see seems akin to emotional abuse, even if he is not aware of it yet. And it makes me wonder about their adoption agency's post-adoption support and pre-adoption training? What he is experiencing is actually very normal. Did they read nothing before adopting? I remember when this family posted their first videos on the fb group and being so jealous/feeling guilty that they spoke Korean, and their child wouldn't lose their language, when they were losing so much already. We are a white family, and I already am worried about the emotional burden on our child when they are asked why he or she doesn't look like us--I thought to myself "wow, at least that child won't have to explain things to rude and nosy strangers!" but I guess everyone knows his intimate business now anyway, since they put him on youtube. So heartbroken for that little guy.

[@NewEnglandSeoul]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I feel the same way about miscarriages “stealing the joy” from subsequent pregnancies. I miscarried between my first and second as well and then had 3 more after my son. Each time there was a positive test that initial excitement and joy was increasingly burdened with fear and should we conceive again that fear will only be more intense after this last time having gotten further along. As an adult adoptee I also initially felt jealous of this family’s adoption scenario being adopted into a Korean family is pretty uncommon from what i have seen which makes the exploitative nature all the more disturbing. Thanks for watching and it sounds like you are doing your due diligence researching adoption trauma. All the best to you and your family!

[@alicewon-kim2141]

Sorry for your loss. Hope your mind, body and spirit heal. Regarding the adoptee family with a grieving son, would you consider sharing your perspective? It us a important perspective. I appreciate your candor. I too found the mom in the video very self involved and insensitive and martyr like. When we lived in Korea my mom was a social worker who worked with adoption. In her mind, the child is always innocent and she also feels they should be protected because they have already had loss in their lives. Adoption grief is real but there are other ways for the KZbin mom to express herself. She can highlight resources and hints while protecting the child's privacy. Love your videos.

[@NewEnglandSeoul]

Thanks for the comment. I’m curious how you mean for me to share my perspective regarding the family...mentioning their situation in my video I thought was kind of doing that... I had considered leaving a respectful but honest comment on their channel but I’m sure I’d be called a troll or something equally flattering in that type of community. I hope that little boy is doing okay. 🙏🏻

[@reginahernandez7810]

What is the vloggers name that adopted the little boy? I am interested in China adoptions, and I always see the nice videos too, like you, but never seen one like the one you are talking about. I am very curious. Thanks!