GRIEF MULTIPLIES GRIEF: When You Are Widowed, Every Death Hurts More // One Happy Widow

[@tammycjkersgaard]

When I hear of other’s spouses dying I remember that awful fresh grief the first few months in and it brings tears thinking of what the new widow is going through. I had 2 widow friends come over a day or two after my spouse died. I could see that they were going through the same thing and they were 5 and 11 years out. I didn’t recognize it at the time but now I do.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I am in that position now, seeing people in fresh grief. #widfam

[@marilynb8136]

My husbands doggie was going downhill and could barely walk. We talked about putting her to sleep, but my husband said he just wasn't ready for that. Mind you, my husband was on hospice and dying. The day he died, i had to put our dog to sleep, she had suffered enough. So the two of them died the same day. I cried and cried!!! It was a very hard day for me!!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh no! Hopefully they are together now.

[@Morning.Coffee]

I attend fewer funerals since my husband's death, mainly because I can't hold my emotions together like I used to.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can understand that. #widfam

[@katiethiele6805]

I had mother-in-law die in my arms. My dad died 10 days later. Six weeks later my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. During the next eight months he put down three of our dogs. His dog was full of cancer and he put him down a month before he died. Boy do I know about this topic!!

[@sallyforth9323]

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. You’ve been living in a nightmare. I am so very sorry and am sending you healing and comfort. So much love. 💔❤️‍🩹❤️

[@OneHappyWidow]

Katie, you are right, this is just the situation I was talking about! #widfam

[@lealugerlynch802]

I’m so sorry. 💜🙏🤗

[@rosemariealvarado9902]

I know exactly what you mean!!!!! My husband of 52 years died after 12 years of caregiving on April 10th, 2021 . In the next 8 months I lost 5 more family and very close friends. This year lost 2 young men to suicide. I can't attend funerals i cry at home and would never want to be a distraction. Haven't been able to have a service for my husband yet . I'm still a mess. The bible says love is stronger than death. That comforts me knowing it's absolutely okay to be a mess. I wish others could hear what you have explained so well and understand why I still don't have my feet under me yet.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for sharing -#widfam

[@kbenton8609]

Last September 11th I lost my best friend to covid. She and I had been friends for 20 plus years. A week later her ex husband who was a friend of my husband and I died of heart faliure. Then this January a friend who I had just talked to passed away. Each time it hit me much harder than I thought it would and it definitely brought back feelings from when I lost my husband. It also made me think about how I am now the only one of our group left since my friend and her then hubby used to hang out with me and my husband. Sometimes it feels like the grief just keeps being recycled.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I understand! #widfam

[@cindyforbesteamforbes8216]

In the 17 months following my spouse’s sudden, unexpected death, my cat of 18-1/2 years, my step mom and my mom died. The compound grief impacted me more than I realized, and the depression was there though unrecognized by me or my doctors, leaving me vulnerable to a toxic “friend” who temporarily took over my life.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, we are so vulnerable (emotionally) when that grief is fresh and raw. Our emotions can cloud our logical brain and we can sometimes miss red flags that we would otherwise recognize. It sounds like you were able to resolve the toxic friend issue. Join our FB group if you haven't already, there are plenty of friendly people, and it is a safe place for our members: facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@paulohlsson27]

How are you doing Cindy?

[@sonniealba]

It is so true. I lost my husband in August and my brother passed away in January.

[@alifeblessed2218]

Praying for you Sonnie!

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry -#widfam

[@wandasewell4501]

Music helps me! I LOVE music and songs. Music helps with grief and guilt. Thank God for all the ❤ in music!

[@OneHappyWidow]

I also love music!

[@maplewood65]

This happened to me too. My husband passed away in December 2019 after being unconscious for three months, and then my big brother passed away suddenly last July 2021. I kept telling everyone I feel like I was punched in the stomach twice. I really was. I was trying to cope with the reality of my husband's death and suddenly my brother disappeared from the world too. It felt like too much to take.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can understand this #widfam

[@sheilafreisthler4421]

My husband died in August, 2019. His younger brother died in March, 2020, right before the Covid shutdown. Even though his brother and I weren’t close, it brought up all the feelings I went through when Vince died. It’s just hard.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, it is! #widfam

[@beckyhoffman9423]

The other day , I was thinking about everything and I started crying, it was different from the gut that was the first time doing that and I felt a little better. John and I had a golden retriever and he was my husband’s baby when my husband was diagnosed with cancer our Dog started developing tumors on the outside and by the time my husband was ready to die, it was a gut wrenching decision to put Peyton down. He literally waited every morning for my husband to wake up and I knew at that moment he was old and sick and would have grieved to death he laid up under John’s hospice bed and when John was totally unresponsive my friend had a veterinarian to come out and put Peyton down it was unbelievably the hardest decision to make but I had been diagnosed with colon cancer a month before my husband had passed and was coming out of that surgery I just could not deal with anything and I think about it all the time. I hope God comes back very soon because this life is not much of a life anymore. I guess I want get out of the anger stage it don’t look like .

[@alifeblessed2218]

Becky, oh my goodness I’m so sorry for your pain. Can I pray for you?

[@OneHappyWidow]

Praying for you, sister! #widfam

[@janethendrickson6705]

Becky - I don't know how your doing this. SO MUCH to handle. It does seem God isn't there, but trust - He is. I don't understand it all, but I know He is with you in your pain. You will get through this. Stay strong. And know we are bringing you to the Lord in prayer. Your not alone.

[@marilynjohnson8583]

So sorry about your friend. Have had that happen to me and I pretty much had those same reactions.. I realized that even the loss of friends we have not seen in a while, we think of and regret we did not say some things we wish we had said to let them know they had an impact on our lives at some point and how much we are glad they were a part of our lives.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Exactly! Thanks for watching #widfam

[@christinawilliams6044]

I can totally relate to this. In April of 2020 I lost a close aunt. In December 2020 My husband passed away. The next February his dog passed away. And just a couple weeks ago, our other dog had health issues and she passed away. It’s hard, it is like ripping a band aid off. It’s been over a year and I still struggle most days.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry! Prayers to you. 🙏 #widfam

[@maryannvazquez4146]

I lost my husband 7 months ago,I lost another two family members within 3 months it was devastating! Yesterday I got news another friend had passed and it hit me so hard I cried most of the day.Thank you for making these videos,they really hit home for me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@karenmartin842]

My dear husband died on Mother’s Day of last year, so the first anniversary is approaching quickly! I am a freelance musician….teaching, theater, and church music, and keeping busy with what my husband and I once did together for nearly 40 years, has helped me tremendously. However, as a church musician, part of what I do is play organ/piano for funerals, and tomorrow, I am playing at the service for the sister of a dear friend, so this message of yours was very timely, Leo. Because of Covid, I have not been a part of as many funerals as I normally would have, but I have done a few since Ben died, including his! God has given me the strength to do what I do, but I definitely feel more tender and vulnerable in my own grief as I do it! But my own experience has allowed me to show empathy and be helpful to those I am serving, in a way I could not have before. I often break down and shed lots of tears as I am rehearsing the music, but there’s something very cathartic about doing so in an quiet empty sanctuary. The tributes and sermons get to me during the services, so I have to say a practical prayer, “Lord, please don’t let my contacts fog up so I can see to play the music!” In this, as in everything, especially all of the weird little grief triggers, I have learned to just go with it, not be surprised by anything, and realize it’s all a part of the grief journey. Of course it’s hard when we feel bombarded by life, and death, and everything seems to come at once! But there is a blessing in being able to look back and see how far we’ve come, even in the little things.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Wise words, thanks for sharing! #widfam

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

Also, other people who claim all your energy in the grieving state for their own issues. This just happened to me and I regressed Had to work hard to choose to be happy again. Im.careful not to let myself go down that agonizing spiral again. I cry briefly but I keep moving and following Leo's suggestions to choose to be happy. Our loved ones would not want us to agonize continuously. They wouldn't. They would want us to move forward and learn to appreciate life. May God bless and continue to support and comfort you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam

[@alifeblessed2218]

I’m having such a bad day. My husband has stage 4 bladder cancer. He is declining and had a terrible seizure last night. He is ok but today is a zombie. I have so much anxiety today.

[@annekevandeven4895]

Sending you love and support from the Netherlands ❤️

[@alifeblessed2218]

@@annekevandeven4895 thank you! Appreciate the comment!

[@ellaj6127]

❤️

[@Molly-eq1ix]

My thoughts are with you. Isn't it hard to stay "strong???" Please get help if at all possible to give you some relief. You have a lot of weight on your shoulders.

[@alifeblessed2218]

@@Molly-eq1ix thank you! Some days I am in a puddle of tears. This wasn’t the plan. I appreciate the kind words.

[@ann-mariebyrd]

I understand about the dog ! My husband died 15 months ago and I just had to put down our family beagle due to a cancerous tumor. Kasey was my husbands dog. Although my youngest daughter would disagree! Kasey loved Joey and Joey loved her ! She slept with him every night and was never the same after he passed. I thought it was so strange that my husband died of cancer and Kasey was going too also. The tumor got huge and it came thru her skin. It was so aggressive. My youngest daughter and I discussed it and decided it was time. We were with her and giving her love when she went. She went peacefully and in no pain. This was only 3 weeks ago. I miss her but I know I made the right decision. She was in pain and was 16 years old. It was time. Whoever it was that had to put her dog down, please know that you did the right thing and your dog is in Heaven with your husband now!!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for sharing your experience. It helps to know we aren’t the only ones going through these things! #widfam

[@candicegaier2649]

Yes I have been there. It seems that the death just brings up more memories. Had to put my dog down (14 years) and I cried more tears than I cried with my husband. New death just intensifies the grief you have been trying to overcome. I now shy from funerals. I start crying and can't stop. I do enjoy your videos. They are usually on the mark. Thanks

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@raye5072]

thank you so much❤❤❤❤ for sharing, so bravely honest.

[@naomiferreira8255]

💯 it triggers us cause we know grief. My grammar school class mate recently lost her husband and it triggered me too. Tom Parker (33) from the boy band The Wanted died recently from brain cancer leaving a young wife and 2 young kids and I was 😭 Got sad news about another nice young man this morning too. Sometimes I feel like we’re losing the nicest people 😔💔

[@OneHappyWidow]

It does seem that way sometimes! #widfam

[@naomiferreira8255]

@@OneHappyWidow my biggest trigger is John 3:16 it was my husband’s ICU room number

[@southernborn1358]

This is so true. I’m 57 year old widow of my soul mate, my best friend of 35 years. I’m also raising my 14 yo granddaughter alone, trying to heal her wounded heart and soul. Ive now lost 2 cousins my age. I also worry about my family who are left, what if they die soon? I don’t think I can take much more. I feel like I’m only here to care for others, my daughter & granddaughter (who I now adopted). Our oldest daughter left us behind, ad left her oldest with us, now only me. Some days, I pray for release to heaven. I’m so tired, so sad, and I can’t make myself want to live.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry for your struggles. And o know how hard it is to feel like you are carrying everyone else’s hurt and pain on your own shoulders. Remember that no feeling is forever, and tomorrow is a chance for things to get better. Your family is lucky to have you, with all of the loss they have already endured. Praying for you #widfam

[@muzikaishokolad]

To share my experience, I lost in the period of two years - my husband, father, father in law, nephew. Basically all my male support system and people to rely was gone. In this way we bacame three widons - my mother, my mother in law and me. You can imagine all the emotional reactions and conflicts we had and still have, whithout male energy balancing us. My mother in law is controlling in some aspects, my mother is narcisit, I’m literrary in between, and as beeing an empath, I feel stretched and squeezed all the time. I try to distance myself, but my kid still needes his grandmas and that pulls me back to conflicts. However, sometimes when I go to funerals of people that I was not so attached to, but I go to support their family, as I assume they need support as I did back then. When I watch how people react, as if I see myself from aside when I was grieving, this is so consuming and overwhelming feeling, it is capable to outloud having that person in our life after all and just accept that the time has come to say goodbye. And then I tell myself that it is so hard to put that in practice as I keep struggling to accept and let go of pain and grief.

[@OneHappyWidow]

What a huge amount of compound grief you are handling- and your own grief on top of supporting your other family members with their own grief! And having narcissistic family members myself, I know how draining that can be. You have to remember to put yourself and your own needs first, even if it means telling others that you can’t be there for everything they need from you. Prayers to you my friend!

[@lealugerlynch802]

Absolutely. Just lost my husbands dog. Brought everything back. ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

This is a common issue.

[@terrycerda1837]

Hello Leo how are you doing?. From SAN ANTONIO TEXAS. PRAYING GOD OPENS DOORS FOR YOUR EMPLOYMENT....

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you! -#widfam

[@nancysmith3448]

A high school classmate friend passed a while back and today his name popped up as a friend suggestion sort of hit me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Pretty much my situation. #widfam

[@franklinstephen3268]

Hello dear, how are you doing?

[@janethendrickson6705]

Pittsburgh here!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@californiadreaming6560]

Yep

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@deemarch2089]

Well said. Thank u

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@beckyhoffman9423]

Mississippi here

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@marshamagic8551]

I have a relative who lost her husband.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@doloresparker3582]

I can relate to that unfortunately. My husband went to Heaven 9/2020. He was one of 5 brothers. Within 3 years 2019 until 2022. 3 of the brothers died from cancer(my husband was coronary disease). One of the remaining brothers (2) has colon cancer,. I had 1 brother in law to pass away and one in remission from prostate cancer. Also had a young niece died from drugs. It has been so hard for this family in such a short period of time.😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh, that is so tragic! Praying for you! #widfam

[@wandasewell4501]

I can't fix the damage that was done in my family. I have to make a new life for myself. It will be hard, but I can do it as long as I can breathe! I miss you, Robert. R.I.P.!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, our “new normal” is all on us. We don’t want to, but don’t have a choice!

[@patriciasedano5561]

I lost my mom on January 2 and dad January 7 2021 to COVID. We buried them together.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh I’m so sorry!

[@steveparker2938]

If I may, I'd like to use your forum to ask you and your subscribers a question. If not, I'll take this post down. I have just passed the one year mark of my husbands death. I have settled into my new normal / routine pretty well and I know that makes me unusual perhaps (therapy helped). Today, I was going through the memory box I put together shortly after his death. It contained all those things that, at the time, I thought would hold special memories. Now I'm questioning some of those things, specifically cards. Over our 21 years, I have saved every birthday, anniversary, Christmas, Valentines Day and "for no special occasion" card he has ever given me as well as those I gave him. I now realize I don't need them to remind me of how much I loved him or he loved me, but there's a bit of guilt creeping in for even thinking of throwing them out. I was thinking of keeping one of each kind just so I could see his handwriting. Your thoughts any one.

[@OneHappyWidow]

There’s no right or wrong- so just do what makes you feel ok. I would say you don’t need every card, maybe the most special ones. Or take pictures of the ones you might toss, and keep a few extra-special ones. I have all of Dewey’s letters he wrote to me when he was deployed in Iraq, but I’ll never sit and go through all of them, as there are hundreds of pages- and many contain r-rated info (ok, so maybe even more steamy than that lol), so I know my kids would NOT want to read them, so I won’t be passing them down. I haven’t decided when/if I should toss those letters also. But they don’t take up much space, so until I decide, I’ll just let them stay in the hopechest where they live.

[@susanwhite2362]

I lost my 52 year old only child. My son died in January of 2020. Than my husband died in September 2020. The first two years were hard. Now it seems to be more of a loss to me. Just lost our 18 year old cat.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry! #widfam

[@alifeblessed2218]

Praying for you Susan

[@susanwhite2362]

Thank you

[@franklinstephen3268]

@@susanwhite2362 Hello how are you doing?

[@sandylynch6676]

I understand this . My husband got killed by a hit and run driver on 5/15/2015 Then later my Dentist got killed by a hit and run driver on 5/14/2022 Like a day before my husband died It brought back the nightmare and devastation Also after my husband got killed I didn't know how to take care of his koi pond and the koi died I buried them I've always felt real sad about that too .

[@OneHappyWidow]

What a truly sad coincidence- I’m sure it was a huge trigger for you. #widfam

[@christinapatterson7300]

Hi Leo!😊

[@OneHappyWidow]

Hey, thanks for watching! #widfam

[@vedrakuca]

Sorry for asking,why you call your self a widow wenn you are remarried?

[@OneHappyWidow]

Because I still experience the grief of a lost spouse every day, and my late husband is still gone, and my kids still have a dead dad. Remarrying doesn’t make the pain go away. My current husband lost his wife and he considers himself still widowed as well. Thanks for asking!

[@Molly-eq1ix]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your job. And are you to the point where if you never take another bite of birthday cake, it won't be too soon?

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yeah, April is birthday month, for sure! Lol thanks for the well wishes! #widfam

[@kathrynleannazuck9305]

😔

[@OneHappyWidow]

#widfam

[@loriramminger222]

I losses my daughter 1 week after My Mom ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry #widfam

[@terrymoore783]

But your no longer a widow.....Right?? You have remarried?

[@OneHappyWidow]

I do consider myself widowed, yes. I have remarried a man who also still considers himself widowed. Just because I have found love again doesn’t take away my loss. It doesn’t take away my grief. It doesn’t end my pain, and it doesn’t bring my childrens’ father back to life. I will forever consider myself widowed. Thanks for watching! #widfam