STUCK IN A GRIEF RUT: How To Prepare And What To Do When It Happens // One Happy Widow

How to prepare when you get stuck in a grief rut. What can you do for yourself when it happens?
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, counselor, or any other medical professional. Information in this video is not meant to be interpreted as medical advice. I am simply sharing my own experiences in my grief journey. If you feel that your needs are beyond the scope of the informational content of this video, please seek medical advice from your doctor to discuss treatments or medications that may be available to you. If you are having feelings or thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255
Helping you find your happy in the grieving process
Life, Love, and Laughter after Loss

[@OneHappyWidow]

Have you ever been stuck in a grief rut? How did you get yourself out of it?

[@naomiferreira8255]

Happened to me in February, March and April. It was triggered by a vacation trip that made me feel like “the third wheel”. It was bad. I cried and prayed a lot and listened to music.

[@iamprolife2010]

I'm still there. It started in January at the 2 year mark. I have 8 children with 6 still at home. I'm a kindergarten teacher, and with school out since early June, the depression has gotten worse. I miss my husband so much, and I don't understand why God had us have 8 just to have me raise them on my own. It is getting harder to deal with it all. Don't worry, I'm not a person drawn to ending it. It's just that sometimes the weight over our life now is so overwhelming. I love God so much. I just don't understand his plan.

[@naomiferreira8255]

@@iamprolife2010 don’t be afraid to let your family know how you’re feeling. In time you will understand God’s plan. Sending healing hugs.

[@vietvetwife1]

I'm still trying to figure that out 😢

[@truelily7]

It is my belief that we plan our lives with guidance of Spiritual assistants before we enter this eartly life

[@Laurie_Tinsley]

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago to cancer. He battled it for 11+years and cancer ended up spreading to his brain and taking his beautiful life. I miss him so much and the emotions I have been dealing with are debilitating. Even though I had 11 years to prepare for that day my husband would no longer be with me, his final days happened so quick and unexpected. One day he was having a normal good day and then the next morning his change in breathing woke me up. When I tried to wake him up I knew right away he was actively dying. The following afternoon he took his last breath. I was there laying next to him, holding him when he took his last breath and then I could feel his entire body relax and then he was gone. He was only 50 years old, a wonderful Dad, Grandpa, Husband and a best friend.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry, I know we are never truly prepared, even if we already know the time is coming. #widfam 🙏

[@truelily7]

I am so very sorry for your loss and such a young age. I have a daughter about that age.

[@rosannabontrager371]

So sorry for your loss. I started my journey as a widow 3 months ago when my husband was killed instantly. age 53 Take each day one at a time. May God give you the strength you need for each day.

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

I'm so sorry. At least you had tge chance to be with him. That was a blessing. Jesus said there is going to be a resurrection. John 5:28-28. At God's appointed time sin and death will be done away with forever. 1 Corinthians 15:26 ISAIAH 33:24 Revelation 21;3-4 Psalm 38;10-12, 29.

[@user-iw5fp8kf7w]

Sorry for your loss and pain. Nice to know you were there holding him as he passed….many people don’t have a loved one with them. One day we’ll meet our loved ones again. ‘Til then we need to be thankful for the times we shared together. Take care, one day at a time. God bless you!

[@kristalliiite6408]

I wasn’t married to my loved one, but he was the LOML. I wish more people understood that even if you aren’t married we are widows to! We feel the same. Your video definitely helped with my rut.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Marriage on a piece of paper doesn’t change the pain of the loss! Thanks for your feedback #widfam

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

Life is very fragile, all of us are subject to unexpected death at any time. That is thevtrue reality of things.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I think we as widows know this better than anyone else! #widfam

[@janethendrickson6705]

God uses our pain - our experiences - so we have a better understanding on how to minister to others. Now go - wash the feet of others.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and for your support! #widfam

[@louanntampos8617]

After almost 4 yrs of heaving grieving, I always say it depends what day it is! Even though my husband passed 19 yrs ago, I still have days! My "babies" (daughters, grandbabies and great-grandbabies) are my saving grace and knowing that everything happens for a reason ...Rom. 8:28 "all things work together for good..." We may never know why but so that we can be here for each other...many blessings for being here for all of us!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Very wise advice! Thanks for watching #widfam

[@carol622]

I just found you. My husband passed in July. I thought my grief would be manageable and I think Im better one day but its un predictable .When tears and sadness come unexpectedly, Im still trying to acceot it and move forward. i looked for a youtube channel related to being a widow. I'm sorry for your loss. You are much younger than i am but I loved my husband so much that even our early years flash back in my memories and I feel the loss so deeply even all these years later. Thank you for your help to so many of us. It is a help to hear you and others communicate their experience through this painful time of loss. My husband died about 4 days after terminal cancer diagnosis. He had diabetes and congestive heart failure but it was unexpected he would pass this quickly.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry for your profound grief. Feel free to join our FB group for more support: facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@naomiferreira8255]

I missed you Leo. You’re strong and loved by your family including YT fam. Thanks for sharing your heart.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you so much for your kind words! #widfam

[@carolhill2958]

My husband went Home 4 years ago. Interhepactic cholangiocarcinoma. Bile duct cancer. I understand your autopilot handling of things. I’m very proud of you for trying so stinking hard…in impossible circumstances. We do the best we can. With no instructions. No one else understanding. And no one who can step in our shoes. You did your best- I honor you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes bile duct cancer for Dewey too. We have to stick together, thanks for watching!

[@vickylisowski]

Hi Leo, after 50 years of marriage and becoming a widow here is one of the things I've learned along the way. Most couples I think through marriage at some point will own a home, car, etc. and they will have paperwork in both their names. Through those years my husband and I had a BANK and CREDIT UNION to which I still use. The credit union said its best to keep your husband's name on the account because things will come through with both your names. On the other hand, my bank took my husband's name off the account, and I learned that this created a problem for me. One example is I received a stimulus check and the bank would not except it because it also had my husband's name on it who was not alive. I hope I explained this, so it is understandable and saves someone else from hassles!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Financial stuff is such a pain! Money Pickle can help with that as well: www.moneypickle.com/OneHappyWidow

[@susanneschaefer2268]

I am so sorry, Leo! Thank you for sharing. The more I listen to you the more I understand myself. Thanks for being so open and vulnerable. Much love!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and for sharing your feedback! #widfam

[@tammylafave1376]

I have lost my husband seven years ago and I am still having a hard time I am in counseling it helps to an extent, but I also feel like if I die, I die my health is not good I just don’t feel like I’m the same person anymore. I am at a loss of why I can’t let go like some people can I was with my husband since I was 15 we were together for over 35 years, my life is just so hard without him. I have family but I still feel so lonely.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m glad you ate in therapy, maybe you just need more time to process things? Or have you thought about medication? I don’t know if it would help, but maybe a conversation with your doctor could give you some options. Maybe my pivot course would help as well: www.griefpivotcourse.com

[@loriramminger222]

I still have the grieve moments every now and then, This summer I got rid of the camper we had a permanent site and I felt guilty about giving it up. It was my happy place, but not anymore

[@OneHappyWidow]

I get it. I have made many changes in order to create a new life for myself with new memories. It also brings guilt that I’m leaving that part of my life behind, but I cannot stay in that past.

[@ShellMarie-bj5eb]

Yesterday was my birthday. I went to my best friends house and she had decorated with banners, got Chinese food and generally looked after me. When I got home, I realised that it was the first time since my husband was Ill that anyone had taken care of me as I had been taking care of him, my son, the dogs, the house, my job etc. it was a massive realisation of what I had become. Take care of yourself ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m glad you had people to celebrate with you. #widfam

[@janethendrickson6705]

So glad we can be here WITH YOU, Leo!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for your support! #widfam

[@lindahunt5634]

Excellent episode. Thank you!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@leslieprice7830]

Thank you for everything you do, taking the time to do the videos when you can. I will be thinking about and praying for you and your family

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@dorislacaze8475]

I’m sorry you went through this, but happy your back , prayers for you and thank you for sharing🙏🙏❤️

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@susanswayngim1854]

I had no closure with my husband either, so I understand that feeling. Maybe seeing the body helps but I’ll never know.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry #widfam

[@vernabryant2894]

It's good that you went on the vacation You needed the break .Music is a healing thing.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, it certainly was! #widfam

[@vietvetwife1]

I've been living with depression for half my life. Without my spouse, I'm so very alone. I get in that rut & only get dressed cause I have to go out. If only I had situational depression..... Listening to you talking brought tears I needed to get out. My sister died a few months ago while living in Florida. Her husband had her cremated & she's now back here. Her memorial will be in August. I have no idea how I'll be that day & I dread it. So I've lost my husband in 2021 & my sister 2022. Two of the most important people in my life 😢 I don't wish depression on anyone. I start getting out of the hole I dug & fall back in. I'm glad you're feeling better & you're very fortunate to have your loving husband. ❤

[@tammylafave1376]

I am going through the same thing. It’s so hard to pull out of depression. I lost my husband seven years ago and my sister-in-law that I was close to a year after he died. I also lost my mom who is my best friend over 20 years ago I feel like I have nobody to turn to, I have brothers and sisters and two sons and grandbabies but my sons have their own life and my one son that has my grandbabies lives in California. I know how lonely it gets. If you ever wanna talk please message me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry to hear about this struggle. Praying for the strength to keep fighting and traveling to a better mental place. #widfam

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@sharonwatkins9249]

I am going thru this now? Whenever i get time to sleep thats all i do? Thank you for sharing? Your a wonderful person! STAY STRONG! You are a strong women!

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

I'm so sorry. Jesus said there is going to be a resurrection. John 5:28-28. He's going to do away with sin and death and heal the earth.

[@nancyculhanehoag7936]

So glad your up and about again!!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@Garyshelton17]

Hi 👋

[@janethendrickson6705]

Could never forget about you!! Personally I was figuring you were just busy and taking a much needed break.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Always busy...but needed to get back to my widow family!

[@sheilafade2016]

So so very sorry for y’all’s friend passing, praying for your daughter

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@sheilafade2016]

Oh bless your heart, back to school, I remember those days

[@OneHappyWidow]

Not looking forward to it…just over a week to go! #widfam

[@beeatdaybreak4499]

I love the idea of a grief/depression bag idea! Thank you so much for sharing your story!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

The problem with grief is if you give in to it even a little bit, the dam builds up and can break, putting a grieving soul into full agony again. It's been 5 months since my husband died unexpectedly and i have beem working hard to pull myself out ofbthe deep pit grief has put me in. I dont want to give in to the agony of grief again. I cant take the pain anymore. Its just too much. Just too much.

[@desnann]

Hang in there I can’t tell you it goes away but the times you feel low abandoned etc gets less often not less intense less often. My close friend who lost her husband just before I lost mine rings and says do u want to go on an adventure? We get out local bus to the nearest city’s bus station and get on a bus going somewhere, sometimes we plan where we are going them miss the bus so just get on the next bus going out have lunch somewhere and come home for a brief time we are both taken out of our bubble of grief and all the responsibilities of being a house owner alone. Maybe you could try this x

[@OneHappyWidow]

I understand that too. It depends on where we are in the grief journey, and our personalities of course. I am 6 years out, and I feel like I hold it together ALL THE TIME. It was time for me to give in for a bit and reset. It might not be the right answer for everyone. Thanks for your feedback #widfam

[@OneHappyWidow]

Definitely an adventure! #widfam

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

@desnann I take my chair and go tomparks by rivers and solitude. I walk a lot. I work which occupies my concentration away from the grief. Thank you for your thoughts. Take care everyone.

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

​@OneHappyWidow your doing very well. Your a blessing to yourself. Your children any all those grieving who find your channel.

[@nancys.100]

Missed it will have to watch replay waving new deck build underway here new roof is done ✔️having a memorable summer but wish Lh could see the way I had em do the new deck.

[@OneHappyWidow]

You are a brave woman! I bet LH is seeing this from somewhere...

[@debbiecooper6095]

So sorry for all you have been going through.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@Charalldredge]

My husband was cremated and I did get to see him prior along with my kids however he did not want his family to be there, so I respected that. They were all not happy with me. They still aren’t. It was the last thing I could do for him however, he was my love and my life. It was sudden this past January.

[@OneHappyWidow]

We have to be the ones who stand up for what we know they would have wanted. And we know better than anyone! #widfam

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

I'm so sorry😢😢😢

[@Garyshelton17]

Am sorry for your I know you really must be going through a lot but trust me he's up there watching you and proud of you

[@debbiecooper6095]

Having a hard time hearing you.! Good to see you again!

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m getting that from several people, maybe I need a new microphone!

[@tammymarsden4852]

Oh Leo i feel for you. First i want to say i am so happy ur back, I've been sad to not see ur videos like u disappeared and i prayed u would post soon. Im so sorry to hear of this new loss and pray for u and ur precious daughter to get the strength to recover from this. Its so easy for us qho are grieving to go down that rabbit hole, stay strong and know ur only human and allow yourself to do whatbu need to do without feeling guilty. God bless you im so glad u have such a caring husband he sounds like a great guy. Hope to see more from ir channel, with lots of luv take care ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for your kind words! And thanks for watching #widfam

[@sheilafade2016]

Yes it does creep in, well said

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@lindamadden7019]

Thank you for sharing the feelings of depression and how it actually does affect your emotional and physical body. We lost to a grandson a year and a half ago at 25 years old it took his life. I can understand that feeling of depression and not wanting to go on Because of the mental thoughts that run through your mind during that deep depression time I have never felt that but maybe if I was in that situation, I would try to start praying for God to help me feel better or differently. Anyway hard to imagine feeling like that I get mood swings, but never been in a deep depression so God bless you and thank you for sharing your story with us. I accidentally found you and started following you from day one I have a my ex-husband’s wife who recently died the day after his 75th birthday and I was thinking I could send her your KZbin videos for her to watch in case she was having difficulty moving on after the death of her husband. Thanks anyway for sharing I will continue to watch your videos. I have a current husband that has COPD and his dealing with that on a day-to-day basis and because I am 9 years younger than him the possibility of me being a widow in the near future is pretty much a concern. I thought this would also help me learning about the different situation is that you’ve been through and how you dealt with it so thank you have a great Sunday. God bless.🙏🏼

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and sharing your experiences. Prayers to you #widfam

[@desnann]

But you climb out only to fall back in again and it all stares over. Why me ? Why am I still here ? What’s the point of me being here ? What use am I to anybody friends / family. Now don’t panic I’m not suicidal it’s just you work so hard to keep all the balls in the air. You get tired and just want somebody to put their arms round you🤷🏻‍♀️☺️

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I understand this! We climb out, and next time maybe the hole isn't so deep next time. And we wait less time to start climbing, and we climb out faster. We get stronger with each climb, and eventually things don't seem so catastrophic. It takes time, and it is never a linear path. Thanks for your feedback #widfam

[@myliverandme]

Yes, you definitely needed a little trip. Moms/wives seem to always be loaded down. Glad you went. Sure sorry about the death of your young friend.❤After my husband died very unexpectedly 4 years ago, then my close friend died about a year after that, also suddenly and very unexpectedly. A few months went by and my husband's 12 year old cat got killed on the road. Besides these things I was diagnosed with a very serious health problem and my finances were/are pitiful. I asked myself how much can one person take? Iam on depression/anxiety pills and having faith helps, but I understand your meltdown because I have been there, and I still have to fight it. It helps to know that others have gone through this, and got out of it. Keep fighting!❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

Inhave had these thoughts too, how much can one person take? It’s tough to climb out of those holes! #widfam

[@truelily7]

Dear Leo, I am so very sorry about the dear little girlfriend your family lost. They don't know me but please tell them my heart goes out to them. And so sorry for your crushing time of depression. I can understand that place. And glad you got through it and are back. I worked in my art studio for first real time today since my husband died in 2021. I told myself to just do anything, didn't matter what. I am seventy so things seem futile at times because you realize you could go anytime. Of course, true at any age but I am watching my whole generation just die off and disappear. It is weird, though a natural part of aging. I also have A D.H.D, inattentive type. I have never had medication. It might have helped, I don't know. My doc will not prescribe due to my age. I have a thyroid condition but different than yours. I take a pill every day except Sunday. I wonder if there could be a connection between thyroid and A.D.H.D. My spiritual path is my main thing in my whole life with my meditation and studies. But I get lazy on that at times. I call on my angels and guides for help all the time. And they help me. They are God's helpers. Thank you so much for all you do. Just found this tonight and glad I did. Hang in there Kitty Cat!

[@OneHappyWidow]

I think there are a lot of adhd symptoms that are also seen with other issues, so you never know. Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam

[@lindapatterson9616]

Tents and rv will work for retreat. But check your insurance. My survival includes sugar babies and chocolate, dt coke, and new shower gels to try. I get the free coupons from bath and body. Buy lots of fragrances and throw in the survival bag.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Sounds like a great survival kit to me! #widfam

[@BAWNBAWNBAWN]

Wait! Didn't know you were coming on.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I didn't do a live session today, this one was pre-recorded and edited for a few days. Sorry!

[@sheilafade2016]

I saw this twice and maybe it has a lot of meaning: Are you living or are you existing

[@OneHappyWidow]

Good point! #widfam

[@maryd8393]

Hi it's gard to hear tou. Please nextctime, check your mic. Thanks Leo.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I am getting a new mic, in hopes it will help. For some the volume is ok, but several people have said they can’t hear me. Sorry about that! #widfam

[@JavaFirst]

My mother in law was cremated. We never saw her ill (cancer). That was the time my husband's health blew up and he was essentially terminally diagnosed. I then got sick and required major surgery so out of state travel was not happening. Plans had to be cancelled. For a long time it seemed odd but eventually I was able to reconcile the death. My husband passed in May and I saw FUBAR on Netflix some weeks later and laughed my butt off and it felt good. It won't do my mental health any good not to express emotion.

[@OneHappyWidow]

It’s ok to laugh and be amused. We aren’t meant to feel grief every minute of our lives. #widfam

[@karin3874]

Did I hear you say you had a crafting channel? If yes, what is it called?

[@OneHappyWidow]

So far it’s only the documentation of my sewing area…but many tutorial videos are planned! youtube.com/@serialcrafting

[@inthegardenwitheveliaflore4908]

Why can’t we break away from depression… it’s always a part of who we are in some ways..?

[@OneHappyWidow]

We must first realize that there is a difference between depression and grief, although they are related, similar, and can have many of the same symptoms. But we can move out of depression without letting go of all the grief. Separating them is one step in this process. Check out the Grief Pivot Course for more info: www.griefpivotcourse.com

[@rhondawilkins_]

I cannot hear you at all and my earbuds and phone volume are on high. Can you please CC CLOSE CAPTION all the videos. Thanks, Leo

[@louanntampos8617]

yes, the volume is very low even with my laptop and external speaker

[@OneHappyWidow]

I have CC enabled, but unsure how YouTUbe does that. Sorry about the low sound!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Ugh, so sorry about that!

[@vernabryant2894]

My brother's ashes were scattered over a lake where he used to fish at.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I like that sentiment! #widfam

[@Dolly9261]

I applied over a month ago to your FB group. It still says pending.

[@OneHappyWidow]

We are currently up to date on applications. Maybe there was a glitch and you need to reapply? facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow and make sure you answer all the questions, including the email address. If you still have issues, feel free to email me at [e-mail]

[@Garyshelton17]

Hello 👋

[@pamcornelius9122]

Can you share the name of your KZbin channel with the daily Bible readings?

[@OneHappyWidow]

Sure! www.youtube.com/@kjvinayear233

[@pamcornelius9122]

@@OneHappyWidow Thank you!

[@fryske5665]

Dapper

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@nikkipage9132]

I do see we're having cremated someone can cause difficulty in accepting the fact that they're gone. But in the case of my late husband had been sick for five and a half years and had deteriorated so he didn't even want us to take a photo of him anymore. So there was no way that I would have wanted to display his body having had respect for him also he committed suicide because he just didn't want to go into a facility as his swallowing head completely stopped. So naturally cremation seemed like the best alternative. The problem is so that we never had a funeral or Memorial. My late husband suicide death has caused very harsh feelings with his side of the family and we are completely estranged though we were pretty much partially estranged just as a matter of course over our marriage. I still have his ashes two years later. His family held a Catholic Mass for him and no one from our family was told of it. My late husband was no longer a Catholic, he would not have approved. And since he had never mentioned his family in his last wishes and desires I do not feel compelled to give them any of his ashes as that wasn't part of it and when I asked him about it he was very harsh in his feelings and opinions toward them. This made for an even more difficult situation as his family wanted to blame me and the children for his death. I am ready now to release his ashes and hope to do this next Fall. I will release his ashes where he requested. I am sorry for his surviving family of origins feelings, but I can't disrespect his last wishes. If they had been very important to Dennis, he would have said so. My children had all seen him before he died. He made his ammends to them for past wrongs. We will all be together when we release his ashes. I will keep a small amount to mix with mine when my journey here has ended. I think we need to accept when there is not a body for viewing after death. I don't want anyone looking at me after my death. ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and for sharing your perspective. #widfam

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

You are to be commended for standing your ground in his wishes. I'm so sorry for your loss. I had my husband cremated and poured his ashes in one of our favorite rivers we liked to go to. He died five months ago suddenly from a heart attack. I like to go there and sit in my chair and think about him and meditate on the precious gift I had for 17 years. When I drive and see cemeteries, I know I did the right thing. I feel peaceful when I visit the river. My husband was comforting and steady like the river. Please take care.

[@nancys.100]

The volume on this one is low.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Dang it, I'm not sure why that is??? I'll have to see how to fix that. Not sure if I can fix this one, or wait until the next one. Sorry about that!

[@Garyshelton17]

Hi Nancy

[@susygibson5673]

Very difficult to hear you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, some are saying the same thing, not sure why. I can hear it on my end. Sorry about that!

[@vernabryant2894]

When my husband and I die we are going to be cremated because of the cost of a burial.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, it is cheaper…and a personal choice for each person. #widfam