Guilt - the misunderstood emotion

[@habib-vq9fl]

You make a good point about facing guilt as a healthy adaptive emotion. It forces us to ask us why we make excuses. In that sense, it allows us to learn. I.e., Why I didn't spend as much time with them? How can I fix that problem? Running way or stuffing down feelings of guilt (as in psychotherapy) actually is disempowerring. It talks us away from being and doing, and therefore, becoming our best. And sometimes, our best is only our best when we're out of energy and resources. But so long as we reflect, learn, and implement changes we grow from that guilt.

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

I would suggest the healthy way to deal with guilt goes beyond personal reflection and involves action. Guilt is related to love for and concern about the other person we have harmed. Acknowledging wrong doing, apologizing and a commitment to doing things differently in the future is the most adaptive way to deal with guilt.

[@k.askland5362]

This is a wonderful reminder of the adaptive and maladaptive forms of guilt. I would really appreciate hearing your suggestions on techniques to help patients break through severely punitive superegos, particularly when they have truly harmed others in the past but cannot repair those harms interpersonally (eg, for to death or loss of contact with the person). Thanks for your generosity.

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

There are a number of ways to deal with this - one is in fantasy - what they wish they could say or do for the loved one, now departed. The other is to commit to doing things differently going forward and to make real and symbolic reparation with other people or groups/charities. I would ask the patient about their reparative impulse to see where it takes them.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.a

[@Mzd-yo7ux]

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852this is very useful, thank you for sharing techniques

[@darrellparrott4264]

I have been talking about the importance of that emotion. It is the expression of parental instincts .

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

The way I see it, guilt is directly connected to love and what Winnicott and Klein referred to as the capacity of concern. It is the antithesis of narcissism.

[@darrellparrott4264]

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852 no. It what stops parents from harming thier children. Pain stops you from hurting yourself and guilt stops you from hurting others. It is the glue that holds families together.

[@chetanbalva8611]

thank you so much for so clearly explaining about guilt. feeling grateful

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.a

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Apology and repair are the healthy ways of dealing with guilt. Glad you're on that path.

[@ryu7964]

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852 Yes apologizing to myself or to others personally or within myself according to my free choice was my way out of tormenting myself and the path to freedom as well. Thank you so much for the well wishes. ❤️☯️🙂

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

@@ryu7964 You might enjoy reading The Power of Discord by Tronick and Gold and The Power of Regret by Daniel Pink.

[@leighwatson1861]

That's what I have done forgive myself I feel better 24 years of guilt gone it's a heavy bag to carry around well done for realise that

[@markcroftocala]

I appreciate you making the point that guilt is a useful emotion to keep us from doing bad things, neglecting to do the right things, or calls us to make restitution if we fail on either front. Family caregivers in my support group feel guilt even when they are doing the best they can. Caregivers need to take care of themselves so they can take care of their loved one. When they do that they often feel guilt. Please teach me how I can help them separate the useful emotion of guilt from the destructive emotion of guilt. Thank you.

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Of course it is important to distinguish between conscious and unconscious guilt. Often what folks consciously attribute their guilt to (having a good time, for example) is a cover for deeper unconscious guilt about wishing the loved one would die so they can be free. Are you in a therapeutic relationship with these folks? If so, getting to the unconscious source of guilt and then making sure guilt gets tied to love rather than going into a self punitive direction is key.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.

[@Nobody-Nowhere]

@@ryu7964 That's not really guilt you are talking about. Guilt does not equal to "tortured myself" That's basically masochism to avoid guilt. Its a guilt substitute, to avoid the actual guilt.

[@jenniferbeach1484]

I appreciate your perspective!

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@um-l9o]

Thank you

[@GPDarius]

Excellent paper! Thank you for this resource, Dr Coughlin.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.a

[@ricardoveiga007]

Thanks for your video. I killed by a car accident one of the cats I used to feed. I am feeling miserable ever since because the cat was sweet and lovable. I regret being so negligent and irresponsible to let this happen.

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

I am so sorry - that is really hard.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@kathyday3679]

What if the person has passed on? You can't repair and apologize. Years go by and the guilt doesn't fade in the least.

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

You can in fantasy. Images of deceased loved ones in heaven sometimes arise. The patient sees the person as free of their own torment and love and forgiveness are experienced.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@samoothoo]

​@@patriciacoughlinphd1852i have tried this and really haven't been able to find relief.

[@stevenealon6007]

Really helpful video and article . Thank you.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.a

[@chi-tv6217]

Thank you.

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

My pleasure

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@aviothal]

What about the subconscious guilt created by the primitive impulses of the baby towards the breast which it destroys partially or totally when he realizes that he cannot control it

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Guilt about any destructive impulse toward a loved one will generate guilt. The issue is whether the mother can tolerate the mixed feelings feelings and help the baby manage.

[@NoreenHoltzen]

I used to feel guilty less often but since turning to Christ and church groups I have started to feel guilty more often. When driving away from Jesus I feel more confident but when returning to church, the guilt comes back. At church we bring it up sometimes and our group agreed that part of faith is to celebrate our guilt, because it keeps us clean and beneath Him. Encouraging guilt is be part of our Christian culture that we inherited. I would not be ashamed of guilt as it is part of being a good Christian, and those that are not guilty might not be forgiven and thus might not reach heaven. I myself often have guilty feelings of not enough faith in God but I use this guilt to ask for forgiveness so I can be saved. I don’t think we should try to overcome our guilt but recognise it as part of being a Christian, even if it is difficult to live with. Even if we feel worse with this guilt, it I better to have it and know that we are true Christians. It brings us down, but it brings us together. Together, and down. Amen.

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Guilt is connected to love and a way back to love when do harm.

[@raewynurwin4256]

Alan Watts an Englishman a philosopher/ teacher whom later lived and died in the States, claimed and it helped me tremendously to rid myself of internal flagellation. "Christianity institutionalized guilt as a virtue" that's when I hung up my hat at 72yrs of age. I can still feel guilty however it's my own conscience not the RC doctrine making guilt virtuous. I could never go to confession, some may say that was a therapy in and of itself However a divorced woman should not take communion, I did but the guilt following never faded.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@raewynurwin4256]

@@ryu7964 Good morning from NZ, I loved your angle on dealing with guilt. Indeed I'm just learning importance of self love/care therein apologizing to self must apply. Thank you for sharing your personal jewel.

[@ryu7964]

@@raewynurwin4256 Thank you for your appreciation. You are welcome. I wish you all the best on your journey. ❤️☯️🙂

[@jillbishop3826]

Do you treat the off loading of anger as a defense and move to clarify it? Thank you!

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Yes, acting out and discharge are defenses against the internal experience of anger and must be blocked.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@juliette7641]

Oh wow! So guilt is a like guide for opportunity of love

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

You got it!

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@alonyathompson7500]

Very good, I enjoyed this teaching

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@drnasrinbonakdari2024]

Thanks.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@toslso]

Thanks so much

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@toslso]

I read the very informative article. I am wondering however: how do we then, with this theory in mind, understand the guilt that survivors of sexual assault or rape often feel? What are they defending against? To me it seems more as giving a sense of control, rather than defending against true guilt (caring and repairing). Or how could I understand this better? And maybe you can say something about guilt towards someone who has passed away, where the option for repair isn’t there anymore and they are stuck in a self-punitive stance.

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

We would help the patient face their retaliatory rage toward the rapist and then see whether someone else comes to mind. Sometimes the rapist represents someone from their past, who as ambivalently held - thus, the guilt.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@kwanhofu2968]

what about a parent paid tons of money to bring up a child and wanted them to succeed, and the child fail...should the child feel guilty if they have tried their best?and a insecure BPD tried to married someone who might not be the most love to felt secure...should that person feel guilt? looking forward to hear your answer thankyou

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

It's not about whether someone SHOULD feel guilty, but whether they do or not - AND how they deal with that guilt. Do they punish themselves, remain a victim, blaming their parents, or take healthy responsibility and repair any damage done?

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@cruxem]

Thankyou Patricia so much for these videos. I am wondering about specific ways that you distinguish between self attack and guilt in session. I have seen patients who say they are feeling guilty and are tearful and describe feeling 'sick' about something, but that something seems very innocuous. There is no clear 'crime' they have committed, so it looks a lot like self-attack. My other question is how do you facilitate the full experience of guilt without coming across as judgmental? If guilt is self-judgment for some wrongdoing, I worry about the patient experiencing me as a judge also, which may create a misalliance?

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

You must distinguish between conscious and unconscious guilt - real guilt and neurotic guilt. Typically we are only working with guilt once the patient has experienced previously avoided rage, with accompanying violent impulses. I once had an OCD patient who would "feel guilty" when reading a newspaper article about someone being killed in a car accident (as if she were somehow responsible). Rather than investigate that, since it is clearly a displacement, I helped her identify when those kinds of thoughts and feelings began and we got to the trigger event. Long story short, this involved rage at her father, who she had hoped would die in a car wreck!

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Self attack is a defense against the experience of guilt. Read Don Carveth's article on self punishment as a guilt substitute. It is superb.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@LoveTherapist]

Is guilt a feeling / emotion OR a state of being with underlying emotions (sadness, fear, etc) ?

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Haven't you felt guilty? It's probably the hardest emotion to bear. People said, "I feel sick about it. What did I do"? It is most definitely an aversive feelings which, when we can feel and acknowledge it, helps us avoid doing the thing we will regret, or apologize and repair it if harm was done.

[@GulluCicek-hr1uk]

What about guilt a person do or not do about something?

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

I don't understand the question. Could you rephrase?

[@philipkjr3868]

My experience is that patients suffering from a single trauma, eg rape, does not experience guilt over their rage no matter how primitive it is. This is in my opinion due to the lack of loving feelings towards the object, the rapist. I have not yet seen guilt in those situations nor towards the rapists family which might be because that would be hypothetical since we do not know if there is any. What is your thought on that ?

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Sometimes such patients will actually experience compassion and wonder what had happened to the perpetrator, who could have behaved so brutally. In other cases, the rapist IS connected to a figure from the past who is ambivalently held. Guilt is only essential in cases in which there is pervasive self punishment. If there is no evidence of. a self destructive pattern in the patient's life, there is no reason to believe there is unconscious guilt that is being defended against. In those cases, repressed grief and rage lead to immediate relief of symptoms, with no guilt in evidence.

[@ryu7964]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried a deep sense of guilt with me. Which has kept shifting, as soon as I apologized to a person for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself for many years. Until I realized, the only person I really needed to apologize to, was myself. I have tortured myself the most. So every day, I apologize to myself, for what I did to myself. This is how I find my innocence; that I once lost, again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I don't do anything to others either. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore, with the world. Therefore, if you carry guilt with you, apologize to yourself. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts sorrow and apologizing takes away sorrow. "Anyway" and "Yes", are the words that enable me, to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses, to get back in the hamsterwheel of apologizing for certain things or tormenting myself. But I say: "Yes, I apologize to myself anyway." And I apologize to others, if it is my choice. And I use these two methods. In which I either apologize to the people personally or within me, whichever I choose.b

[@sudhirhebbar7363]

Wow

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Glad this was helpful.

[@Jadonisajadawg]

I have a clothing brand called guilt!! Do you care if I sample audio for an upcoming fashion show I’m having?? :)

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Please contact me directly so we can discuss your ideas. [e-mail]