Harm Caused by Decluttering | The Minimalists Ep. 413

[@TheMinimalists]

When do you think decluttering can become harmful?

[@mjsmith9889]

Maybe when decluttering or minimalism becomes and obsession. My sister is OCD and it's not even fun to go to her house. She is OBSESSED with not having clutter around. You can put your purse down and you turn around and it's GONE...she puts it somewhere out of the way because it was "cluttering" her house. It's a mental dysfunction.

[@mjsmith9889]

EVERYONE needs to go to an ESTATE SALE. You just see things that are left behind after you die. The people are gone and the things remain, but the things CANNOT replace the people. My dad passed in 2020 and I have some of his things, but it doesn't replace HIM. So I have let go of some of them. It won't bring anyone back. You can keep a few things, but not everything.

[@mjsmith9889]

Im a small scale ebayer and I am getting upset with getting more things. I might even get rid of everything and be a dropshipper. The STUFF is overwhelming. A lot of resellers have storage units.

[@catmandoo3735]

When it can ruin a friendship because that friend is a hoarder who has their stuff overflowing in their home to the point that they want to start storing it at your house and you have to say NO. They saw how much extra room I have now that I've decluttered my own home so they think I can put their stuff in my vacant bedroom.

[@mjsmith9889]

Oh HECK NO!@@catmandoo3735

[@ggjen]

When in doubt, I sing: Every little thing you think that you need🎵 I bet you'll be fine without it! 😊 Thanks guys! ❤

[@Bogman1066]

Beautiful. I love this.❤

[@arlenelicklider4643]

Oh this one is such a help, I have been holding on to a bunch of crap that my children and grandchildren want when I pass away, now I am going to gently demand that they get the items now or never.

[@franmcdonald4702]

I home schooled my 7 children for 15 years and then tutored for many years after that, so this hits close to home for me. Was my life's work for so long. I understand how hard it is to let it go. But kids are being taught differently now with the age of computers. Most don't read books. Most don't know how to properly do cursive writing.😢❤

[@themadlibrarian2933]

Some of the sadder days of my life were when I packed up my reference books and wheeled them out to the curb. My heart was heavy as I walked down to the curb, but I felt better once I was back at my house, a distance of about 50 feet. I filled three wheeled trash bins with them. Often the idea of something is better than the thing itself.

[@workinprogresssince1974]

I used to really struggle with letting go of things. I had too much emotional attachment. But after years of moving constantly I got really good at detaching myself. Now, the stuff I own generally comes from thrift stores or is rescued so I have removed that attachment from it. It's now all just useful until it's not, BUT I still own a few sentimental things which I could never part with.

[@SueTNguyen]

I have family that hoard their belongings at our home since we always had the bigger home/garage. Once we downsized, we just asked them if they still want them after 20 years. We let them make the call, otherwise it went to the trash.

[@wandahare8064]

Oh, TK… Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to be perfect to be deserving of love. My husband loves me for me… flaws and all.

[@Lifeisbeautiful-ri2tb]

Happy that Ryan joined you guys today! So true about using excuses of how things are not perfect enough to prevent us from trying new things or moving forward...I know people who do that every day and I have been guilty of this as well. The Twighlight Zone episode you mentioned really resonated with me TK....we all need to accept and love ourselves as we are. Josh, great point about people being frustrating with things that can manifest into something else. I have seen this happen with myself, coworkers, and friends. Very insightful episode!

[@Jordan-4-Him-NM]

Thought- maybe the reason the daughter is upset about the toys is because she was not brought into the conversation before mom made the decision of getting rid of them.

[@Kmm1295]

happened to me once, my husband started to declutter our closet and threw away all of my home gym equipment cause "i wasnt using it anyway". I made a huge deal out since he violated my stuff, he just had to talk to me first cause I always ask him if I want to throw away his old clothes, and of course he doesnt allow me... Personally, I am always worried to throw away some important documents, so Im very careful with decluttering paperwork. another example, when its not harmful but more of "not helpful", if you declutter something that can potentially be vintage, a be resold at a good price, you can miss an opportunity.

[@elaineclaire7063]

Oh boy, he sounds like my father, my father has been violating all my stuff since young , there was one time he threw away all my name cards while I was out with my friends - till now he still violates my stuff - he recently threw away a special edition of a water bottle which was for the special needs without my permission, he doesn't ask me permission and the next thing I know is is in the bin, he seems to find joy doing it. I've always told him that he needs to ask permission, obviously respect is lost in the family.

[@Kmm1295]

@@elaineclaire7063 OMG I would be scared to leave the house

[@maribethvance9958]

I would suggest that the mom asked the daughter to pick a toy Or a small set of toys that each of her children would like to play with when they come to her house, and she'll keep those and the rest will get donated

[@treesaremadeofwood2145]

People hoarding is a major problem in the modern world, they crave the useless garbage and disregard the things that are actually worth a dam. I'm downsizing the crap and maximizing the freedom from getting rid of the useless. A attachment is a chain that binds you, getting rid of the attachment gets rid of the chains.

[@JudyG745]

How to give up a life/home that you think you love or at least like for a life you think or hope you might love. Eg. Go from sticks and bricks to minimalist RV life of travel. Want to do it but am having severe anxiety as I am down sizeing?

[@karenbochinski]

I love TK and Albamana

[@heathercooper4317]

Digital clutter.... I play sims 4. My computee is full of cc/custom content. I build houses for contests and enter a lot of other contests. I also tell stories with my sims. Basicly the computer is one big container of all this downloadsble content. Its full. I have let go of 90% of my home that wasnt easy but letting go of all that us hard.

[@Girasoles]

This episode was SO good🎉❤

[@bestyoutubechannelever3206]

I looked online. There's such thing as compulsive decluttering. The opposite of compulsive hoarding. I'm borderline. I live like in a Marine barracks. I sleep in a sleeping bag on a mattress with a pillow. I have a large safe at the foot of the mattress with my guns and my clothes in it.

[@themadlibrarian2933]

Were you in the Corps of Cadets at Texas A&M? The cadets speak of the "bag monster" that calls them to sleep. They keep their beds made up to pass inspection, and sleep in a sleeping bad on top of the made bed.

[@bestyoutubechannelever3206]

@@themadlibrarian2933 Lol! I've never set foot on that campus!

[@sara.cbc92]

I have a problem. A big one. I can't stop buying the latest and greatest.

[@LindaLasner]

To the host: it is important to have knowledge of a child's psychosocial developmental stage, and TK Coleman did not speak about this to coach you to speak to your daughter. There are several readings on this matter, but a succinct reading can be found by Erikson 's Stages of Development.

[@patti8617]

My two favorite books are: "The Old Way of Seeing" by Jonathan Hale and "The Brief History of the Dead" by Kevin Brockmeier.

[@elaineclaire7063]

Your episodes come in timely for me, its as though you read my mind. I think it gets harmful when you cling on to your stuff, when you attach your identity to your stuff. This happened recently, I was looking for a short sleeve blazer and while I was doing my hair my hairdresser suggested that she would LOAN me her pink blazer which she ADORE so much that she couldn't even bear to let go to me even though it was on loan Even though it didn't feel like she was decluttering the blazer fully she felt a sense of lost of identity when her blazer was out of her life temporarily that within 4 days after I got the blazer, she demanded it back from me in which I barely worn and we're talking about a blazer which isn't Armani exchange or Louis Vuitton we're talking about a blazer that came from a factory outlet shop SHEIN which to me was rather ordinary The days gone by and within the week, she came about an excuse saying that " she acquires it back for a pink party in which she needs it for - so she kept pestering me through messages, calls despite me being unwell with sore throat" and yet even drove all the way down to my place to pick it up despite me on recovery mode. You know she's an adult but she behaves like 10 for her stuff, I started to understand that she got pregnant at the age of 20 so she is filled with so much void. But the audacity to possess a blazer really is harmful for the mental health at the end of the day you can't take this blazer with you for your after life - and is ridiculous because she has 101 clothings in her wardrobe in which she hardly wear - but yet she insisted on this blazer. I couldn't understand her behaviour at all, her insecurities have eaten her up that her clothes are possessions to a point that borrowing / letting go temporarily turns her into someone she's not. I don't know if I should feel sorry for such a person who defines their self worth through the outer appearance and not the experiences, the urgency to get it back for a party - when experiences are more valuable than sticking to the theme, I felt she was a drama queen after all this, playing victim, coming up with a story to get her item back - when she could have just said no to letting me borrow it. Lesson learn : Don't let your clothes define your worth.

[@smallhouseinthemeadow6131]

It is breast cancer awareness month this month, so perhaps it wasn't her coming up with a story. Perhaps you can get things from a consignment shop instead of borrowing them.That way, you won't have to feel upset when the person wants their stuff back.

[@Anna-vp4fn]

I really, really want to declutter. I don’t know where and how to start. Plus, my husband wants me to do in one hand movement.😢😢😢 it makes me even more paralyzed.

[@dplj4428]

It's scary when people press us. It's not easy to explain to them what we haven't yet faced to explain to our own selves. For me, the clutter was a defense wall but also a way to hide.

[@ershwezinsuzan671]

I am waiting 😊

[@judyhall8269]

Yes, Ryan, simplicity is an experience, but so is an economic depression. I suspect Sarah’s family hoarded as a response to not having basic needs met. I think it depends on age, but in my case my mother was raised by parents who went through The Great Depression. My father was nine years older and lived through TGD. They weren’t financially savvy the way we think of savvy today but lived on less than they made and saved the difference their entire lives. They weren’t hoarders but saved nearly everything because it was potentially useful. As our later family generations have experienced prosperity and not the struggle of economic hardship we have kept less and less because buying it again isn’t the difficulty it would have been almost a century ago.

[@lisah5836]

Disagree that you 'can't' upset someone. It all comes down to intent. If people become upset about something you did, then it's worth self-reflecting on that than to simply lay blame on the recipient's 'reaction' to what happened. Then you can decide what the next best step would be.

[@galaxy98765]

This is all very simple. The mother should have asked her daughter if she would like to come pick up the toys and take them to her house, for her kids to play with there, and she should have asked her that BEFORE she got rid of them. Don't make it any more complicated than it is. Another thought: Are the kids upset about the toys not being at their grandmother's house anymore? Or is it just the mother who is upset? Sometimes kids get tired of toys anyway. Sometimes they can "take 'em or leave 'em".

[@AWAMOF]

How is the constant mention of your patron any different than advertising?. I’d rather have ads and full access than constantly being reminded that I need to give you money regularly to be a full access member.

[@carolgeorge6409]

I love you guys but why do you keep the back ground totally black? Minimalism should be joyful, light and uplifting ! Help

[@SosoXchan]

Its the nothingggg 😅 i like it personally

[@TGBahr]

Joshua gestures, _hand to heart, do you seriously think that's a thing?_

[@zawmyolwin7219]

The content is very good as always but background laughing from the lady has annoyed me.