Have we explained homophobia to our toddler?

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

*Captions are up, thank you for your patience!* Which has been your favourite episode so far?

[@jennifers5560]

Episode 1 was my favorite. So many pretty shots of Malaysia and I loved Claudia’s tutorial.

[@jadziajan]

It's a shame that the design of the dress was obscured as "(speaking a foreign language)" (couldn't even mention which...?) I would have loved to know the name of the design. Other than that, I'm thankful for the subtitles! Thanks for keeping your viewers up to date about when they'll be included.

[@jennifers5560]

@@jadziajan Pretty sure she said Cheongsam

[@Swimdeep]

I have been hit in head with plywood. It’s quite dense-especially 3/4” exterior grade.

[@kristinaavery9052]

Honestly all of it was wildly fascinating and helpful (ex: traveling with a toddler tips). Even knowing what you have to keep in mind while traveling is interesting

[@second0banana]

Literally had a 3 year old tell me that he has two dads, but he has to be careful about who he tells because some people are assholes. 😂

[@stephaniehight2771]

Had to add an LOL! Kids tell it like it is.😂

[@kieleyevatt2232]

I love when kids say stuff like that 😂

[@thegracklepeck]

Aww poor dear. I hate that people can be cruel to a happy family just for being slightly different.

[@TheCanadianWeeb5]

@@stephaniehight2771I’m an adult, but due to my adhd I tend to talk about whatever I want.

[@thymecouncil3755]

smart kid

[@vainpiers]

Homophobes want people to believe that being gay is a foreign thing that doesnt exist in their country. This is why it's important to acknowledge and remember queer people who live in openly homophobic countries.

[@kayleyanna3164]

I remember as a young queer teen talking to a kid a few years younger than me who had immigrated from russia and she said "There's so many gay people here, everyone in russia is 'normal'" I didn't know how to respond to that. I eventually mentioned there's gay people everywhere, but I'm not sure she believed me.

[@Kaythought]

@@kayleyanna3164that’s INSANE

[@cheesecakelasagna]

@@kayleyanna3164 I've heard the "there's no gay people in __" from a Korean classmate as well (I'm in the Philippines), but I'll give him a pass (lol) because he defended himself well when my other classmate teased him for liking a Tagalog rap song about the life of a gay person (Sirena by Gloc-9).

[@EllieK_814]

it's especially ironic in countries that were formerly colonised, because in many cases, it was foreign colonisers who *introduced* homophobia

[@MimiHitchcock]

Also people from places that aren't that accepting often just haven't learnt about being gay and being trans, so if it's explained to them then they aren't necessarily gonna be hateful

[@randomhuman_1999]

queer malaysian here who's been openly so for ages. also been watching this channel for quite a while. yeah there are homophobes here (like every other country) and the law is abhorrent - though it really is not that strictly enforced for everyone outside of shariah law - but we exist. most non-queer malaysians are actually pretty okay with it when they grow to understand it - they just aren't used to the concept of queerness because of how "taboo" and censored our identities are. hate the government and all the anti-lgbt propaganda, but love my country. it's a long way to go for us to be able to be as loud and proud as we would want to be, but i would not trade my love for my fellow malaysians for anything else, flaws and all. we will get there. i also want to point out that many developing countries (hate that term, we are only still "developing" due to exploitation) pre-missionary times and pre-colonisation were proud of and respected their queer people, like the manang bali of the iban tribe in borneo.

[@charliebrown1184]

Thank you for bringing your perspective here!

[@marianatheschizoid5912]

Does the enforcement of anti-LGBT laws differ from place to place? Also since you mentioned it, are there places in Malaysia where they Sharia law?

[@AMVactivists]

​@@marianatheschizoid5912 "Malaysia is a federal country where states have jurisdiction over laws related to Islam, the official religion. It also operates a dual legal system where Islamic law applies to Muslims, who make up just over 60 percent of the population, in personal and family matters, as well as the practice of their religion. All other offences are handled by the civil courts."(Al Jezeera)

[@alexanderh8129]

@@AMVactivistsoh wow thats so interesting

[@marianatheschizoid5912]

@@AMVactivists Thanks

[@mrggy]

I'm so confused by the comments being like "why do you keep going to Malaysia every year?!" I'll be super honest and say that I'm not a regular watcher of this channel. I've watched a couple videos here and there over the years. Even with how infrequently I tune in even *I* knew that Claudia's part Malaysian. If I knew that how do people who seem to be regular viewers not know that and not realize that *of course* you guys would go back regularly so she can see her family

[@kelseysmith3297]

People boycott companies for homophobia why would countries be different? Even if it is your own country.

[@mrggy]

@@kelseysmith3297 While you have the freedom to choose which companies you purchase goods and services from, you don't have the freedom to choose the country of your birth, nor that of your relatives. Boycotting the country your relatives live in is effectively boycotting seeing your relatives, especially when you factor in difference in incomes/exchange rates that may make it cost prohibitive for Claudia's family to travel to the UK. You're free to boycott tourism to a country to which you have no connection, but it's a very different matter when you have family that lives there. I still go to see family in the American South even though transphobic legislation is being passed there. Is it morally wrong to visit family in the US? Should all Americans be morally required to leave the US? That's easier said than done. Countries don't just allow people to immigrate to them willy nilly. Getting a work visa is actually quite complicated. Often for people from the Global South even getting a tourist visa to the US/Europe can be close to impossible. Basically while your heart might be in the right place, you're ignoring the realities of what it means to have families effected by immigration and border controls

[@furbyacolyte5604]

@kelseysmith3297 by that reasoning, they should abandon england too, since it's so awful to trans people. show me a single country in the world where there isn't institutional homophobia and transphobia.

[@AstronomicalJelly]

@@kelseysmith3297then you might as well "boycott" every country ever, including america and every other western country. they still have some shitty lgbt+ laws, why is it only eastern countries that get this backlash especially when it's ppl going back to visit their literal family

[@glasscoughs1975]

@@kelseysmith3297lol are you boycotting the country you’re born in/living in now?

[@michaelnewton5873]

One day, maybe in Rupert's adulthood, homophobia will be laughed at as being a dumb thing to fear. You ladies will be a big part of that. ❤❤❤

[@niencat]

I so hope for that.

[@mildlydispleased3221]

50 years ago, people thought we were seeing the end of racism, look what's happening now, the world is becoming MORE racist. The same thing will likely happen to homophobia, I'm afraid..

[@sylviatan6061]

Best comment so far. 🤞🏼

[@justinportes8939]

Dare to dream😊🎉😊🎉

[@grassytramtracks]

That will be a wonderful day indeed

[@kristinaavery9052]

I once was taken to the hospital here in Germany by my heavily pregnant sister and they asked "oh, your wife can come back with us" and I just mentally fist bumped the air. Even though it was a funny moment as sisters, I was so proud that they didn't even bat an eye about us maybe being a couple. As a bi woman who is straight facing, married to a man, and also raising a 2.5 year old, I love your videos. Thank you for creating content, even if it isn't easy sometimes ❤

[@CQuill07]

That’s so cool!

[@wolliw-em5mc]

"Straight facing"? What is that?

[@CQuill07]

@@wolliw-em5mc it means most folks assume they’re straight and not bi or queer

[@wolliw-em5mc]

​@@CQuill07???? what? I mean yeaa most people assume that they're straight because it's what's pushed on them by society but then isn't basically everyone straight facing?

[@CQuill07]

@@wolliw-em5mc Not everyone looks as stereotypically straight as others. Especially if you’re bi and your current partner is the opposite sex. When you think “lesbian” or “gay” what images pop up in your head? Whatever you think about is what you associate with the word and when you see someone who matches that image, you will probably wonder if they are straight or queer.

[@scilines]

I love the idea of children’s “adults”. This is inclusive of all types of dynamics and family structures.

[@waffles3629]

Yep, it's just so versatile. I used it for group swim lessons, cause odds are if I had more than 5 students in front of me, at least one of them is being picked up by someone other than a parent. Siblings, grandparents, uncle's, neighbors, parents best friend.... The only person who ever got offended wasn't even a parent, just a random pool patron. Apparently I "was erasing parents".

[@SpoonieScully]

Yah! I work at a children’s theater for neurodivergent kids and we all say adults instead of parents because I’ve seen all kinds of people picking up and dropping off and I want everyone to feel welcome and accepted :)

[@shoyuramenoff]

In Canadian paperwork, it's usually listed as "guardian/s", originally to be inclusive of kids who are not raised by their parents.

[@Imberis]

I had a teacher in middle school who called them "parental units," which was wildly progressive for back then. Calling them "adults" is nice, because it could be any kind of adult who takes care of the child.

[@MaeGal]

Agreed! When I used to work with kids, I would use “adult” or “grown up” (for the littles). More inclusive of all sorts of family and/or living situations.

[@pastellecat]

It’s so sweet that Rupert refers to caregivers as “adults.” I was raised by my great grandparents and it was always really hard for me as a little kid when people asked me where my mom or dad was!

[@Bugs3820]

My bio grandparents are all assholes. But my mum's aunt and uncle were always there for us. So I call them my old people

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

I can imagine how that must have felt to you as a child 🙁

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

@@Adulthumanfemale84 He has to what?

[@ahatton8553]

My wife and I get asked if we're sisters all the time, which is equally hilarious, because I'm North African looking, and she's Korean! Never know what to say that will keep us from laughing 🤣

[@tejaswoman]

Yeah, the airport employee they mentioned clearly was trying to backpedal and didn't realize he was making it way more obvious by claiming they look like sisters when they don't even have similar facial features, let alone hair and skin.

[@fionafiona1146]

Saying "we are family" feels like a good response

[@AbsolutelyFeral2605]

Same! And we look NOTHING alike. I'm pasty and British and my wife is Brazilian 😂 was particularly amusing when people would ask this knowing that my wife was Brazilian and I didn't speak Portuguese such as at airports and stuff 😂

[@ahatton8553]

@@fionafiona1146 TBH, saying "She's my wife" always feels amazing ;)

[@spwharp]

My wife got called my daughter once... we are the same age.

[@JuMixBoox]

I'm sorry about the people leaving those comments. It's clear that they haven't watched much of the videos if they didn't even know why you go to Malaysia and assumed it was just a random vacation. Not to say that they would get the right to judge you if they had watched the whole video either, but I hope it helps you not take the comments to heart too much that they didn't even bother to listen to you talk and maybe give them an explanation before they wrote that. Hearing about how safe you feel with your relatives is wonderful to hear and it makes me glad that you get to have this experience as a family. Sending you hugs!

[@Me-ss2gq]

Right? Those comments really shocked me, I truly don't understand how people can write off visiting a whole entire country just because of homophobic policies. Regardless of whether or not they had family there, a government's homophobic laws don't and shouldn't mean that a whole culture cannot be appreciated and experienced

[@pombefemale]

im straight and cis (female) but me and my friend (also female) go out shopping and stuff with her 4 yr old son. We have been friends for 20 yrs so i refer to him as my nephew. When we are out, sometimes i notice people giving us dirty looks. I can only assume they think we are a gay couple. She is married lol but the husband doesnt usually go with us. So gay or not, people will think what they wanna think. There was even one time we took the kid to the park and overheard a mother telling her young child not to play with my nephew cause he has 2 mommys......like WTF???!!! Dont push ur homophobia and assumptions on ur kids lady!!!

[@hart0526]

For my two cents on why Rupert wasn’t commented on as much: it was absolutely the hair. I grew up as a curly blonde hair girl in China and southeast Asia, and every time I went outside without a hat I would be followed, commented on, touched, and photographed. It’s a thing, and one I hope he never has to deal with when he gets older

[@Daelyah]

It's so gross you had to deal with that, my heart goes out to you. 🥺 Here's hoping Rupert can grow happily and without those invasions.

[@marymac3572]

I'm queer, married to a trans woman, and we share a child. I love seeing other gay couples with kids out and about traveling, and I deeply appreciate you both taking the time to talk about the anxieties that come with it. I don't care if someone wants to talk trash to me, I'm an adult and I can handle mean words, but I don't want my kid to have to see that or experience homophobia or transphobia because he's with us.

[@ambroseelon9989]

I have been harassed if front of my kids many times for existing in public while queer. I always want to challenge bigots to a duel for making my kids less safe.

[@seeleunit2000]

You sound like a very caring individual. Here's wishing you, your spouse and kid well.

[@littlepinons]

I live in a libral part of the US and trying to explain homophobia to my 9 year old, who just doesn't get it, is hard. Her normal in our community is a very accepting environment. The idea that her parents could be jailed or even killed just for being married shocks her. It is definitely a harder conversation to have.

[@zurzakne-etra7069]

it's so weird too, cos as conservative as Malaysia is, I think homophobia and transphobia in the US can sometimes be worse, cos you don't hear about the stories of trans people and queer people in general being practically lynched as much as in Malaysia as you do in some western countries that seem to be regressing when it comes to queer rights

[@luv2read247]

Honestly as a 33yo bilady, same. I don't understand homophobia. Especially when it often comes from people who claim they want to be left alone and dont want the government to tell them how to live their lives.

[@jacksmith7660]

The sad thing is a lot of people don’t understand that in America, you really have to feel your way on what area you are in since one wrong move can lead you into a bad situation. I am in an extremely right wing area ( not by choice just cause I’m poor ) and I will lie and never talk about my partner since it is a safety issue. I can’t even imagine having a family here since it’s so bad for anyone to be apart of the LGBT.

[@keianna5106]

i am a transwoman and live in Idaho very conservative part of the USand and I cant nor want to hide my identity and when around specific types of ppl I get a bit afraid of something bad happening, it's sad that half the time i am in public i fear what other around me might do just because i am being myself. Hope the best for you and that you remain unharmed

[@ThePerksdeLeSarcasmeSiorai]

@@zurzakne-etra7069 Stay in your lane, mate. We have anti-trans problems to tackle and resolve BUT y’all still have laws sentencing gay men to 20 years in prison. Do not try lecturing us on who’s being less homophobic. At least same-sex couples have legal protections here.

[@IzzieBarrera]

it’s funny to me that someone’s comment said why would you choose malaysia… like she’s literally half malaysian what do you mean 💀💀

[@johannageisel5390]

Sounds like a commenter who is very new to the channel and has not yet learned about Claudia's ethnic heritage.

[@debodatta7398]

America is an openly Homophobic country, Malaysia has never had electroshock therapy camps for LGBTQ teens like how the US still has.

[@AurelUrban]

I don't get how so many people are still asking about why you go to malaysia when you explain it in every single video about malaysia. it's like they don't even watch it. and it's usually one of the first things you say too!

[@kiarimarie]

I am sad for the day Rupert has to think twice about mentioning he has two moms.

[@alisonbarker3862]

On the other hand, I know that he will be ok because he has loving parents [or, adults, as he is apt to call you- halorious]!

[@WindInMyWings]

As a first aider in a school, this is *exactly* why I never say to a child I will call Mum and Dad, or even their parents. I go with telling them I need call home, explain why, and say "So you understand why I'm calling home? Who is usually best at answering their phone?" Avoids any upset for those who don't live with their parents for any reason, avoids them having to explain their home situation, and I will call the person who is probably going to answer. It is a secondary school, so by that age they usually have a reasonable idea of who is better at answering the phone, or they can tell me where the caregiver(s) work so I call the office number and then someone will always answer and put me through to whoever I need.

[@jennifers5560]

We did not talk to our daughter about how some people might not like that she has two Moms until she was 6 or 7. It was not great to have to talk about safety, homophobia, that it is ok to lie in certain situations and what she could do if someone said something unkind to her. We felt so bad, we felt like we were putting an extra burden on her. But we needed to prepare her and give her the tools to process it. We needed to let her know that she could talk to us about her feelings, especially if someone said something to her about us.

[@kakawaiipotato4744]

I think it's great to build the foundation before. First the child learns there is a diversity of people, families, etc (without acting like some people are "different" as opposed to "normal" ones), and then approach hatred. If a child's introduction to homosexuality or any oppressed marginalized group is "those people are singled-out and hated", it's gonna be the foundation of how the child approaches it.

[@dewdropdesigns90]

We had to do it earlier than we wanted to. My son overheard another parent at his preschool (he was 4) say something about his family that he did not understand. While we could have slanted it another way and avoided the situation, we feared something else would come up when we weren’t there to explain it to him or help him process what was happening. While we didn’t go into the details of homophobia, we did explain that sometimes people think other people shouldn’t be families, like single parents, or two moms, or two dads, or grandparents raising their grandchildren. He thought that was stupid and it was the beginning of him becoming the social justice warrior he is now as an adult.

[@jennifers5560]

@@dewdropdesigns90 I think the time to have the “talk” differs for each family. It just depends on everyone’s experiences and outside forces. And like what you did, you have to figure out how to have that initial conversation in an age appropriate way. ❤️ Hooray for Social Justice warriors!!!

[@dewdropdesigns90]

@@jennifers5560 💯😀

[@Beelsoranges]

Ironically, I’ve never really had that talk from my parents, as I grew up pretty open about it with my peers. (Altho it was heartbreaking to find out that some of my friends weren’t allowed to play with me as a kid because the parents thought I would want to date their kid because my parents are lesbian.) I’m okay with people not wanting to associate with me or my parents because I’d rather have them show their true colours than be with people who pretend to even support us at all But, it is very important to be safe and not tell everyone your personal business because you never know how they might react to it and could be very hateful, so props to you for telling your kid to stay safe, thank you for being a great parent!!

[@ShaySaysSo]

Please let claudia ramble! It always comes out so interesting 😊

[@jennifers5560]

I love listening to her, she is so funny!

[@krose6451]

Agreed! I dont mind a ramble or tangent from either Claudia and Jessica.

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

Yes! Them rambling always makes me laugh!

[@samururyu]

Yes! I came to say this! Tangents are awesome!

[@macavitythemysterycat]

Every time the two of you go off on tangents, we get to see how lovely, funny and loving a couple you both are, and its' wonderful!

[@kiarimarie]

I feel like everyone questioning why you keep going to Malaysia don't realize Claudia's maternal family is from there.

[@HOHNancy]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@Artemitenx]

but that basically means they don't actually watch those videos, they just see the title and get instantly mad...

[@pashawasha47]

I wonder how many of the people questioning the decision to visit loving and supportive family in a country with unjust laws are spending Christmases sitting at dinner tables with homophobic relatives they don't speak to every year. Call me what you like but I would rather visit family that loves me.

[@zachzackzak]

Excellent point

[@hvfnorth2628]

Twenty years ago, my wife and I were often asked whether we were mother and daughter. We were only 8 years apart. Ouch!

[@corriemcclain7960]

As a queer family in the States, I have very supportive and loving family in an unwelcoming state. I travel to see them with lots of planning to keep us all safe. Would I go there (or recommend it ) other wise, no. But I've have to cut out so many homophobia and transphobic family, I'm going to work with the loving parts even if it's not ideal.

[@Angie-Way]

It's absolutely wild to me to see that so many people have commented questioning and critiquing why you would travel to Malaysia and asking you to go to other countries like your family isn't literally Malaysian. Whether a country is homophobic or not does not make the culture any less worthy and important, and if you can travel there safely than that is all that matters. I am half Italian and though my mum passed when I was young and have not much connection to my culture I would without a doubt want to travel to or live in Italy if it was financially possible for me. I'm scared of homophobia and transphobia but the yearning I have for my own culture is too strong. I also find it questionable that people critique you travelling to Malaysia but not others travelling to the United States or other European countries that are becoming increasingly unsafe for LGBT+ people. It shows a very clear double standard and quite honestly reeks of racism to me. I hope your family had a great trip and that you continue visiting as often as you can.

[@drsamthefrog]

It's ironic that in same day on my YT feed, you lovely people are discussing Malaysia and homophobia and another YT family on my feed just posted how they moved to Malaysia because people cannot be open about their queerness and they want to "protect" their children. But you folks bring up an excellent point: queer people in Malaysia exist. Their kids are going to have queer friends, queer teachers and employers. They think they're "shielding" their kids but they really aren't. Thank you for your video today!

[@maeannengo4908]

Where did that YT family moved from? I've read so much homophobic comments from Malaysians, I'm confused they did not move to Western Europe or Canada

[@drsamthefrog]

@@maeannengo4908 Sorry, I'm re-reading my comment and I apologize if I wasn't clear. They claim to want to 'shield' their children from what they perceive as the "overly-queer-accepting" environment of Canada, so they moved to Malaysia (amongst other reasons that totally make sense for their religious lifestyle, but the fact that they went out of their way to make this point has me considering whether to unfollow them because I don't support that homophobic commentary). I guess they think that there are no LGBTQ-2I people in Malaysia. They are clearly wrong.

[@marianatheschizoid5912]

Reminds me of the Canadian family who moved to Russia to escape “LGBT ideology” only to have their assets frozen lol.

[@Cmana494]

I know what family you’re referring to. I’m so disappointed in them. I liked their content but I just can’t follow them anymore.

[@drsamthefrog]

@@Cmana494 I finally decided to unfollow them. I was actually interested in their journey of adjusting to a more Muslim-friendly environment, but the homophobic undertones put me off so much. There are other Muslim content-creaters that I follow who are more inclusive and I will continue to follow them.

[@Krispypeppers]

I'm sorry you felt the need to defend yourselves for wanting to spend time with your own family. You are both such wonderful parents, love watching you❤❤❤

[@hopegold883]

I know. At first I got angry with those commenters. But I talked myself down by saying they’re not regular viewers of the channel and don’t Claudia has family there. (They just talked about tourism)

[@jennifers5560]

@@hopegold883I agree. People that make those comments, can’t be subscribers. They clearly don’t know anything about Jessica and Claudia.

[@pennycheshire5608]

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Claudia for being able to buy clothes for Jessica that she likes *and* fit her just by looking? That’s a tall order for most any partner and I was so impressed.

[@pilyglot3037]

this! that dress fits perfectly and suits her so well 💜

[@ms_ch]

YES! This was absolutely lovely

[@kathleensnyder8894]

My seven year olds best friend has lesbian parents. When I called for a play date the first time the mother I was speaking two felt the need to warn me they were lesbians and let me decide if I wanted my kid to go to their house. It broke my heart. My sister is trans and married to a woman and I have lots of lgbtq+ friends. We don’t discriminate but it’s super awkward to have to be asked. I wish we lived in a world where people didn’t have to “worry” and ask me if I’m homophobic. Let’s all try to get there for our kids. 🎉

[@DawnBurn]

That moment at 17:25 is relatable. Our child was 4 when my wife came out. And she did tell LITERALLY EVERYONE ALL THE TIME that this was her Mama & Mommy, but Mommy used to be Daddy. So yea. 2-4 they will literally ask if you are safe to tell homophobic things to.

[@Jacob-ps5xl]

Rupert calling you his adults reminded me that the college/sixth form I went to sent emails to parents/guardians that referred to students as "your young person". Great that they're being inclusive but it still sounds funny.

[@AutumnMoonlight95]

I agree that it's so important for both Claudia and Rupert to be able to visit Malaysia and see family and keep those connections. I don't understand why people feel the need to comment on how you choose to handle your family vacations, even if you didn't have family there. But knowing that you do have wonderful family there it makes no sense for people to suggest you shouldn't go there or that the two of you wouldn't have all 3 of your safety in mind. People visit Dubai and Utah and no one says anything to them about it.

[@Megan-t5f]

"jessica+claudia" is an anagram of "jus cicada ideals" which doesnt make much sense but it was the only one i could come up with and even if I were a cicada I would indeed still look up to them for as an ideal relationship

[@Charrbonic]

as a gay cicada, it is true that i model my relationship and parenting responsibilities based on the kindness, empathy, and nuance that these lovely women exude

[@tejaswoman]

This thread is going adorably well. Keep it up. 🦋🐛🐜🐝🪲🐞🪰🦟 (closest emoji to cicada I could find)

[@Megan-t5f]

@@tejaswoman 🌊🐟😩 (sea cod "ahhh" (cicada??))

[@Lucifersfursona]

This is the queer content

[@JaneAustenAteMyCat]

They're so adorable

[@Akingdraws]

im from malaysia and i can say the majority is definitely homophobic. BUT there are many lgbtq+ communities and allies who are accepting, we are just lowkey and cant put ourselves out there. Some people might disagree with lgbtq but are "tolerant", whatever that means. Cities like KL are OK but still, we cant go around parading pride flags or anything like that. Im so sorry if you ever experience homophobes, i wish people are more accepting too. I want to say i love you guys and i love your malaysia videos 💌

[@LilOlMyHeart4]

It's horrible that Jessica and Claudia have to feel almost fearful about their family unit. They are so sweet and Rupert is going to grow up so accepting.

[@elspethfougere9683]

I think you guys are really wise keeping homophobia out of the conversation for now. It's enough to talk to kids about being mean, and why we choose to be people who are kind, and be friends with people who are kind. Kids are smart, they get context, and it's so beautiful to let a child grow up with the confidence of normality and strength of love without the worry of the "outer" world. The first 1000 days of a kid's life are so foundational. Keeping them sheltered from the harsher truths of life is important at least for the first while. You can keep growing the skills needed, like empathy, crying openly with hugs if your sad, speaking to an adult if your scared, telling on another kid if they are bullying, being a good friend/good citizen if someone is being left out, making space for everyone and including their differences, seeing who people are not what they do or don't do or can't do, finding ways to find things in common with absolutely everyone or at least showing respect, showing self respect in the world by having your own back. These things are true and necessary for every kid, and also true and helpful for every type of thing, it's kind of the kid version of human rights anyways

[@Lisa_Flowers]

It's so ridiculous for people to give you grief about 'spending money in homophobic countries'. There's a difference between laws that exist in a country and the social attitudes that you will experience from person to person. Supporting a malaysian business is not equivalent to supporting the Malaysian government. And funnily enough, even with all the anti-lgbt laws being passed there, I don't hear people being yelled at for going to Florida on vacation or visiting Disney Land.

[@kpwxx]

Aside from the importance of visiting Malaysia for your family specifically, it also feels like visiting fits well with your soft activism ehtos. Like you say a country is made up of individuals and it seems like you'd be more inclined to, when safe, healthy and appropriate, try to build bridges and contribute to a wider cultural change over time. Collaboration rather than isolation style. I've heard another parent on KZbin recently comment on having her child with her meaning she doesn't have to worry about being approached by men looking for dates etc. Also, unrelated to the video entirely but I love your nail polish and how it matches the detail on your dress!! 💅

[@tejaswoman]

👀 💅🏻 Had not even noticed that!

[@danabuck6461]

Good morning from Texas. Beautiful crisp morning here. You know, when you were talking about when to gave a conversation with Rupert about homophobia, it made me so sad. Children, especially when they are very young like Rupert, are just so accepting of others. They do not care about skin color, identities, or sexual orientation. They just care about whether someone is kind to them or not. It breaks my heart that innocence disappears so quickly. My husband and I are so lucky with our grown sons, one of whom us gay. They have never lost their capacity to look past externals and see the character of a person. I think that while, unfortunately, you will have to gave the discussion with Rupert, as long as you instill in him the understanding that the inner character of someone is far more important than any external feature, then he will be a wonderful adult. I am old enough to be a mother to either and would be so proud if that were the case. Sending all three of you much love.

[@bizzywithizzy]

You guys are my favourite LGBTQ+ KZbinrs. You're so good at explaining the topic with humour and light-heartedness while still getting the message across❤❤

[@meeveling]

never under estimate people’s ability to see what they want to see. my girlfriend was asked out by a guy who she had previously told on multiple occasions that she had a girlfriend, and the guy was absolutely flabbergasted when he found out she was with a woman 😅

[@zhenia2511]

As somebody who studies hotel management, Claudia's assumptions about the staff of more reputable hotels being more worldly is absolutely correct. In many 4+ stars hotel, you can't get accepted as a porter, for example, unless you speak English and at least one more language fluently. In my country, it's a requirement for all staff in 3+ star hotels to have at least A2 in English. Reception is supposed to have at least B1, if my memory serves me well.

[@Alina_Schmidt]

A2 is a language skill level that qualifies for easy and everyday conversations. It is an important, difficult to aquire and important skill, but a different one than being worldly and quite far from being fluent. I say this as someone who got A2 in a new language recently but still doesn‘t really understand …

[@zhenia2511]

@@Alina_Schmidt I know that A2 is essentially being able to hold a basic conversation in English. I wouldn't say it's difficult to acquire though.

[@grff_]

21:32 totally understandable! It's not a generalization, but usually when there's so many different types of people in one place, there's a level of tolerance and respect that has to be present to keep harmony. If a resort has many cultures, then usually being gay or having a toddler will be more accepted/ignored. I really like rhis advice.

[@carolbuzelim]

Im so used to the malasya trip that ot me is like the part after vlogmas at your channel. sometimes i forget that new ppl come at the channel and assume things…

[@CocoLicious]

I always find it very interesting when people do seem to forget that we all not necessarily adhere to (all) laws or have opinions on them- smoking marihuana is one example where I think national laws absolutely do not tell how the culture perceives it (obviously certain topics unfortunately need more caution for safety reasons depending on the country)

[@elizabethharttley4073]

I love you all. That anyone has to be careful is the heartbreak. As a woman who has taken long road trips solo, I understand the increased awareness. It becomes second nature and tedious. Keep thriving

[@DeadbeatSanalite]

Havent finished the video but hello im a malaysian thats part of the lgbtq community and when you showed the comments made it rlly makes me sad. Personally i'd love to see more same sex couples walking around even as tourists... yes this place is homophobic as hell but it rlly made me happy you guys visited :') The newer generation is also very much more accepting

[@macavitythemysterycat]

I've also brought my queer partner with me to Malaysia to share in my heritage, meet my family, and on holiday to resorts in Langkawi! I love all of your Malaysian series so much, and your videos' tips are always helpful and wonderful to watch. Thank you and Claudia both for continuing to make videos, they are a delight!

[@dragonhuddle8566]

I love the term of children's "adults"! It's so inclusive, especially from the point of view of someone genderfluid!

[@justwalkingby3882]

There's a saying in our country: "wife/husband lookalike", meaning when you look like your partner, so your destined to be life partner. The boarding agent story remind me of this. 😂

[@carolbuzelim]

Claud lost track off the subject twice in 3 minutes i love this woman hahaha ‘My adults’ is a good one… boy 2yo TALK. A LOT Do i understand everything? No but they talk

[@jazzmcfrazz]

im visiting malaysia with my family in april. I am half malaysian just like Claudia. It will be the first time taking my boyfriend there but i am openly bisexual. When I was last there it surprised me to learn that my mom's friend's son who lives there was gay and learned that there are plenty of lgbt people there even if there are laws against it. it was a good reminder to not let the laws of the country erase the fact that there is lgbt culture, because it still exists. Just differently to our own (im in canada). Also, I saw plenty plenty butch/masc presenting women and as a person who was masc-presenting at the time I felt safe walking around with my buzzed hair and masculine clothing. cant believe all these people were commenting saying not to travel to a country thats homophobic and to disregard the importance of sharing one's culture to the next generation just because of that. i imagine it is helpful to the lgbt community there to expose more people in the country to lgbtq families and help to normalize it. just my two cents

[@ck7506]

Thank you for your insights! I've been to Malaysia with my girlfriend and we had a good time and felt safe. But of course we are white, obviously tourists and look like just two friends most of the time.

[@bonebae8173]

I don't know why this popped up on my feed today but Im grateful. My 2 children British born white [me] and Chinese Malay. Their father was from Johor. He passed away in 2016. My eldest has been planning to go stay with their Mama for 8-12 months after high school is finished. The law and policy was really making me nervous. My eldest is NB and openly gay. I'm NGL this has given me some really good reassurance. Answered questions I might have had in a very specific way. You know those times you talk about something and then YT starts advertising it to you and you think, omg my phones listening. I swear YT was listening to my conversation with my kiddo this week about their Malaysia plans and then showed me this.

[@MaddieTuning-e4e]

My girlfriend and I currently live in the US and are moving to St. Kitts and Nevis in the Caribbean. I found your video very helpful and encouraging. It is very interesting how even laws and policies do not always depict the cultural response to being gay. It is technically illegal in St.Kitts to be gay but we have been told that there are a lot of open and out gay people over there. people haven't been prosecuted for the crime in about a decade. It's weird when sometimes those laws are almost a formality. thank you again for your content! it has been very helpful

[@veros.9318]

For your next video: How do you deal with the heat? In the sense of temperature. I have illnesses which get worser with hot climate and with wet cold climate. And still I want to travel.... :(

[@elliotfilby6947]

As a hetronormative male, your closing monolog has made me leak out of my eyes and nose. You are lovely and kind, and I don't really know what I want to say, but made me cry, well done.

[@ninjakitteh9095]

It seems like, you'll probably end up having the talk, when he meets others in schools. That's usually a kids first big introduction to a homophobic event. (Assuming all goes well otherwise in y'all's lives and surroundings, which seems like it will)

[@theadventuresofzoomandbettie]

we also get "sisters" when in Bali. Some of the reactions have been like cheeky cihldren learning something naughty and they giggle - but in a friendly way, not like they are making fun of it. Indonesia is very muslim, but bali itself is hindu, and especially being such a tourist place, they are definitely much more open and we've never had any grief, just a few confused locals on occassion lol

[@abilevitt3334]

Jessica, your solo ending to this about passing on Claudia's ethnic cultural background to your son was really really touching!

[@MaggieintheRain]

I really appreciate how much thought and care go into the topics discussed on your channel. I always learn something 😊

[@riiaholic]

You don't need to explain everything to us! Enjoy time with the family. We are happy for you😀

[@OMundoParaIniciantes]

Cláudia is so proud of the dress she bought Jessica, but I have the feeling that Jessica herself would not go for this color 😂

[@jennifers5560]

Pink isn’t a color, it’s a lifestyle.

[@Starsongzz]

These types of conversations are hard, I recently had to sit my kid brother down and give him the skinny on racism. As a little black boy some people are going yo see him as a black “man,” despite his age. A threat. It was hard, he didn’t exactly get it.

[@kimfeddema6302]

It's very interesting because I have a very close relationship with my niece and nephews and regularly take them out with my sister. They call me Rara just because its a family nickname, but they also regularly call me mum or mummy accidentally just because I've always co-parented them. So it is relatively common for us to be mistaken for a gay couple with our kids rather than sisters with her kids, and it's always been positive. I am queer so its been actually a really nice experience to know that in the future if I did have kids with a partner I would feel safe with them. This is in Australia.

[@LizTiddington]

Once, in about 2004, me (at the time 14F), my dad (34M) and my brother (4M) were at a zoo or something and it was assumed I was dad's wife 🤢 and just urgh, people need to stop assuming relationships 😅

[@kf10147]

God this started happening to me with my dad regularly when I was 16. We go out antiquing a lot without my mom. I can imagine how bad it would be with a little kid around.

[@anawsomehuman3064]

god that happened to me all of the time! i am also a lesbian and don't have a great relationship with my Dad so it's suuuupppppeeeeer awkward

[@hhheidi1121]

My partner and I are together for 29 years this year and we live in Malaysia. We so far never have any problems cos we live in the city. We are know as sisters or best friends but with my cheeky mom my partner is her unborn child. 😂😂 I haven’t been to the east coast of Malaysia yet.. maybe we will go with some family and friends.

[@abbeyplankinton4481]

Commenters: ‘why would you ever choose to go to Malaysia???’ Claudia: ‘I’m half Malaysian, so….’

[@Lady_Eleven]

As soon as I saw the title I kind of saw where that core question was going haha. It's not that he's too young to understand homophobia - clearly Rupert is a very clever kid and you've taught him a lot of similarly big topics. But I think it makes sense not to make him responsible for, essentially, keeping a secret, for exactly the reasons you stated. It makes me sad that one day he'll have to learn that there are people who would hurt his family just because his mothers are both women. And of course it makes me sad for everyone that you have to live in that world. It does feel strange to realize that homophobic people fret over whether or not their kids learn about gay people, and gay people have to figure out when to explain homophobia to their children. But the difference there is that learning about gay people existing isn't inherently upsetting unless the parents make it so, but learning about homophobia when you've grown up surrounded by love and acceptance is probably... not great-feeling. But your family makes your corner of the world a bit brighter every day, and Rupert is clearly growing into a bright, kind, wonderful human being. He is such a brilliant little bloom grown from the love you two share. And anyone who can't see the beauty in that love is really missing out.

[@emmablake1913]

As someone who works with kids and wants to ungender my day-to-day language: child's adult 🤩

[@yosoysoya7944]

I find my country funnily halfway when it comes to treating us gay people: it all sums up to "nobody probably cares about you": people aren't the most friendly when it actually comes to expressing their feelings but they won't probably come up to you and tell you what they think unprompted. Maybe just give you a weird look.

[@erinmcgrathejm4985]

I enjoyed the DVS (descriptive video service) you provided so everyone can appreciate your fashions! 🤣

[@Thetacomama18]

So early! Love the content. You two are such incredible parents, I've always wondered how to approach the subject of homophobia to young children

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

The two of you talking and laughing together always brings me joy! I especially love when you ramble! Total couple goals! ❤

[@michellemachesney1487]

i love when y’all go “off topic” 😂❤❤❤

[@sylviatan6061]

Another great video. Thoroughly enjoyed watching. You are both sensitive and intelligent. I’m Singaporean Chinese, so can relate to all things Malaysian and have lived in UK. Definitely can relate to all that you both highlighted as I too have a longtime same sex partner, a soulmate whom I do almost everything with, particularly traveling. Such a privilege that with due respect, we will not allow anything or anyone take this joy from us. 😘

[@JustSaralius]

The Malay/Chinese clothes are so beautiful and suit Jessica so well too! ❤😊 Great chat! ❤

[@niki9185]

I think it’s so sweet how much you clearly adore and respect your partner and child’s culture Jessica. You clearly admire each other so much. Your love and family helps change the world 💗

[@aarushicrystalis7998]

i hope you guys keep going back to malaysia every year or so. i did that with my family, despite a few social taboos, and i value it so much.

[@drimachuck]

My girlfriend and I are from Singapore and haven't felt much homophobia per se or received weird questions from people in Malaysia, but maybe we just stick to our friends and don't talk to random people hahahah. She's also trans but she doesn't worry as much about going to Malaysia as opposed to some Middle Eastern countries even though they're both religious states (she doesn't want to transit through them).

[@rin-eri]

14:02 "it's like you're laughing in the face of the malay lgbt community" claudia IS part of the malay lgbt community what are you talking about

[@nikolyevic]

Just to clarify, She's Chinese Malaysian, not Malay. Malaysian is a nationality, Malay is an ethnicity. As a Malaysian Chinese I'd love to properly claim Claudia as "ours".

[@TheYasmineFlower]

Thank you for answering my question! I think your experiences can really help other LGBTQ+ families when travelling. There's so much I wouldn't even know how to find out by googling. I also think that anyone who wants to lambast you for travelling to Malaysia should really take a step back. LGBTQ+ people have every right to travel whereever we want. Of course not every destination is safe (though it sounds like Malaysia is pretty safe if you know where to go), but we shouldn't be expected to restrict our experiences of the world just because of other people's bigotry and biases. I'm queer and would love to visit Malaysia and I don't need to justify it. And neither do you. That pink dress is really gorgeous!

[@GriefMuse]

Jessica, that outro... you brought a tear to my cold little heart. I'm a grungy childless 30 something that spends more on weed than therapy, but you must have found your way into my algorithm because i'm also trans and neurodivergent as fuck, so glad you did, your content is so heart felt and human, definitely what the world needs more of

[@scilines]

Always love you guys’ perspective on traveling. 🥰

[@crystalayala3336]

I love your closing thoughts on how it's important for you to raise a child who is aware of a world outside of his bubble and to keep him and Claudia connected to their Asian roots 💖 I wish more parents were like this! You two should write a book! I'd love to read it when I begin to think about starting a family❤❤❤

[@gracelarmee]

I love how Claudia always goes on random tangents in every video she is in - I do exactly the same thing and no one else seems to be able to follow my train of thought but me

[@yosoysoya7944]

Haha, like that time I took my gf to a wedding as a +1 and less than a month before she says "I think I need a new shirt but I don't want to go shopping... will you buy it for me, pleeease?". So I went and literally bought one that fit me cause we're almost the same size

[@EVBell-gz8iv]

my gf and i are close in size too and i often try things on that *almost* fit me, and then buy it for her because i know by feel that it's her size :)

[@Joey-kd8lj]

I could've sworn I left a massive comment on here earlier today (with resources/podcasts that are from Malaysians' perspectives), but maybe I panic-closed my window in order to get ready for Chap Goh Mei dinner.

[@Joey-kd8lj]

But as a summary, just like everywhere else, queer Malaysians exist, just that it's not as visible. There are small charities like Justice for Sisters (focusses on trans women) and the community is very much underground, which makes it very isolating (also I still live with my parents despite being an adult as many Asians tend to). But basically one of our parties is vocally anti-LGBTQ+ - the more Islamic one that controls Northern states like Kelantan) - and the other more "liberal"/centrist one isn't ready to acknowledge us. Representation wise, there's barely anything - even the scene between LeFou and a random chorus man was cut from theatrical release of the live action Beauty and the Beast. In terms of the vibe of the general population, I can't really say, being quite sheltered by my mum. Plus I grew up in international school, so I'm sure it's a bit different than local schools. But it probably varies a fair bit because of religion. For example, my mum considers herself a Christian and she's quite queerphobic.

[@HOHNancy]

I enjoyed all the videos you and Claudia sent out! ❤️ I’m glad you all had a good time with Claudia’s family over in Malaysia. 🙂

[@2020Dumpsterfire]

“It was a nice kind of crush” as a cat owner I can relate to not being able to breath but still thinking it’s the best moment

[@geegnosis8888]

I'm Eurasian like Claudia, from Singapore. When I was in S'pore and I came out to my half-brother, years after I had first come out, he said he wasn't surprised as not only had my mother told him years before but there were a lot of lesbians in our extended family (which I knew nothing about). Anyway, I went on to explain about the homophobia of remaining closeted (which he had not realised, let alone thought about!). I don't think much has changed, so I'm glad I was brought up in Britain and helped in the fight to change LGBT+ attitudes and policies. (PS I'm 70 now and came out in 1972).

[@PMickeyDee]

1. On shopping for SS v OS partners - i actually work with a lady who buys her undies & her husbands undies off of the same rack (different sizes of course). 2. I soo appreciate this channel. I never realized how unintentionally sheltered I was raising my son until i started watching these videos & realizing how important it is to intentionally expose little people to who are different from our immediate family (we don't exactly leave the house much).

[@laviniasnow4494]

I find “My adults” to be such a whimsical way of referring to one's parents for a child. 😂

[@jazmin6031]

I love your videos. Last year I worked at a BIG Silicon Valey company and they were using some of your videos for the i ternal DEI programs. It was cool😊

[@brionyhall4250]

I suffer chronic migraines so definitely looking forward to the next episode

[@moistsquish]

Gosh I love hearing little stories of Rupert you both raised him so well he sounds like a lovely amazing child

[@victoriaguerin2851]

I suspect the fact that you're signing with your child probably distracts onlookers from any other thoughts they might be having!

[@SheilaRough]

My niece has a mama who used to be her Nana and a sister who is her bio mom. She has nieces who used to be her cousins and sisters who used to be her aunts I've always been her Auntie so thats less confusing

[@jasminvomwalde7497]

I love Claudia‘s storytelling style 😊