He's Not Meeting Your Needs? How to Tell Him What You Want | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat

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Having the right words at the right time, especially when he's not meeting your needs, can mean the difference between a pushing him away or building a stronger, deeper relationship. In this video, I give you a simple 5-step formula for how to get your needs met with your man (without coming across as needy) that builds a connection with him.
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Mat Boggs Bio:
As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want.
As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more.
Mat s Mission: To increase love in the world, one heart at a time.
As a dating coach for women, Mat believes that your history does not determine your destiny, and that you are more powerful than any circumstance you are facing. The relationship dream in your heart really can become the life you love living!
Mat Boggs highly acclaimed relationship programs have served women around the world in all age groups from 20yrs old to over 70yrs old.
If you re interested in receiving help attracting love or improving your relationship click here: www.crackingthe...
Related Topics:
Dating Advice For Women
Relationship Advice For Women
Relationship Coach For Women
Dating Coach For Women
Dating, Relationships, understanding men, Dating Advice, Love Advice Relationship Advice, How Men Think, What Men Want, What attracts men, How to attract a man, how to create lasting love, how to know if he likes you, signs your man likes you.
#DatingAdvice #MatBoggs #RelationshipAdvice

[@matboggs]

Unlock the SECRET qualities men find irresistible with this FREE e-book: www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/love-relationships/resources/relationship/mag/5-feminine-qualities

[@avvninarayan6906]

Pointers: 1) Prime the request you are going to be making by asking “Can I ask you for a favor?” 2) Acknowledge the things he is doing by celebrating him by telling him what you love he’s doing well and continue with an “AND” instead of a “but” 3) State what you want after the “AND” and then use the word “BECAUSE” with a reason behind it to get the desired result you want. You can even say “BECAUSE it would mean a lot to me.” 4) Have respect in the interaction by asking,” Will you be willing to do that for me?” without sarcasm or condescending. Be open and vulnerable and sincere. 5) Simply appreciate him for understanding your feedback.

[@annemarierowe6967]

This sounds like a real practice so that it doesn't sound fake all the time if I could have little cue cards it would be wonderful LOL but I do love the idea and going to try it😂

[@AmaniEats]

Testimony!!! This just worked like MAGIC. He agreed to my request without protest and with a kiss at the end!!! What kind of parrallel universe is this?!

[@ShelleyG1014]

Amani Murph you’re funny! And yes it works every time with everyone

[@nicolemurphy2629]

It is pathetic sad and pointless if you have to teach him how to behave

[@davidgi3]

Nicole Murphy no it’s not... most men aren’t mind readers and are not interested in reading minds.. just open your mouth, speak and say what you want.... this is real life, not a tv show

[@smitty4shizzles925]

To be honest, this type of advice comes down to one thing: grow-orientation. If your partner is growth-orientated, he will be thankful, and grateful for your interest in helping him improve as an individual. But if your partner starts doing things "just to make you happy" that means they just want you to stop complaining. And they'll only do it for your validation, they won't do it behind your back, or on their own because they don't care to change. That's my honest opinion.

[@TheHouseOffice]

Amen

[@nicktarver2551]

It depends greatly on exactly what he is saying here, how she Is asking. Im very growth oriented, however when my girlfriend is unhappy with something she has a tendency to tell me what im doing wrong and what she wants me to do and I get very defensive. It makes me feel like she is my mother and I did something wrong, these simple tricks are game-changing for a woman to not make a man feel like less of a man.

[@xXxFlowerbombxXx]

If I had a magic wand I would make this world a world in which women don' t have to shut out their emotions in order to be heard by a man.

[@Sara-Bunz]

Amen to that!

[@shannont2524]

It's not shutting down your emotions. It's being a human being and working together. Men and women are different despite what the media yells you.

[@deanna5941]

YESSSS YES ANDDD YESSSS💃 San B🧡

[@Tish-99]

San B It’s not shutting of your emotions it’s not misplacing your emotions. Asking someone to adjust their behavior isn’t an emotional issue.

[@larissagonzales6075]

Same!

[@liebe_.]

I am going to take this advice to practice it with my kids, to help them listen to me better. Why not? this could work in any relationship.

[@Ugcwithclaudiad]

that makes sense because that's age appropriate. But these are grown ass men!

[@silvias7319]

Lmao that’s funny

[@Santu7220]

@@Ugcwithclaudiad well you sound REALLY mature ;-)

[@emptythepain]

Wow, 'but'' & 'and', big difference. Never would of thought of that. Definitely shows more appreciation for your partner! Thank you for sharing those points.

[@HopefulInterventions]

Great advice. Priming is actually a perfect example of one of the behavior principals. As a behavior therapist, I implement the priming method all the time to prepare my clients for transitions.

[@HeavenInsights]

seems tiring having to be careful of everything we say or how we say it ugh

[@user-sv4vi2iw4g]

Consultations with Heaven Insights amen

[@megschultze6279]

Yep, guys can leave our needs unmet, but we have to be careful how we tell them what they did to us. Huh! They can cheat on us, break our hearts, be selfish, uncaring, rude, mean or whatever, but if we aren't so super loving and supportive in how we tell the man how shitty he treats us, he might LEAVE, CHEAT or BOTH! "Oh, honey, my sweet sugary dumpling, when you used my car that your not on the insurance for and let's forget the fact you have no drivers license, to drive to your mistresses apartment to express your midlife crisis and you know I support you exploring your journey, dear, you left the emergency brake off and it rolled down the hill and into a lake and took out my grandma on its decent, but honey, its my fault, I should have put a sticky note on the emergency brake as a reminder for you, honey, I'm sorry I neglected that and oh, by the way, when you used my car, I had just purchased $1,000 of food and household goods which were in the trunk and our 2 beloved kids were in the back seat in their car seats, but I forgive you, honey, its all your drunkard narcissiatic mothers fault not yours, dear, oh and by the way, I had the STD test done before I got home and even though I am faithful to you, I have HIV, AIDS, and every STD known to man, but that's not your fault, those strippers and prostitutes you see should really get tested and use protection and take their STD meds and the only reason they are tempting is because the porn industry has gotten you totally addicted, also not your fault because they should know people who are trapped being hooked to addictive drugs, alcohol and smoking have reduced willpower. I blame technology, the internet and the media. Wait, what? What did I say wrong, honey, none of your problems are your fault." And he leaves and cheats. Yep! It's like that!

[@kelseycornwall1835]

Meg Schültze New hurtbae?

[@manin5082]

I'm studying making your ex want you back and discovered a great website at wilfs text tactics (google it if you are interested)

[@kentaroman87]

@meg schultze well you're going out with the wrong type of men and you're entitled talking about all your unmet needs... you women grow more and more pathetic by the day.

[@bhoney785]

Gosh, I would Love it if my bf would be open to having more deep and meaningful conversations ! I've told him before I want him to engage with me to have those talks.. whether its spiritual or life experiences or whatever. He is a military man and is very reserved. I have a hard time with feeling like I am the one who has to drag stuff out from him and pull him to have in depth conversations naturally.. this is something I want to change 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@sOsOmega]

Well, I tried being patient for over 6 months. I could not even state my needs until I just became tired of being 2nd fiddle & finally voiced my needs. I sent a nice text message & still received a response from yelling & screaming. In my case, it is all about him & 0% me. I ask to go to dinner, to a movie, to the museum - my response was NO or he has things to do. Everything had to be on his terms. So I ended it.

[@kautharedwards2272]

I couldn't agree more with this video. I studied management and when I became a manager, I used this exact approach on my subordinates when providing them with feedback, coaching, etc. Makes them way more willing to agree or accept your feedback. Love this video.

[@Julie-fl5vc]

Mat, I can honestly say that you and Irene are an inspiration for me. I love hearing about your stories, and for having spoken to both of you, I can tell that the love and respect you have for each other is being spread to a much larger community. You two are a blessing to whoever meets you. :)

[@devinewynter3736]

Mathew Boggs I am scared of feelings and getting hurt so that's why I am single. ♥♥♥♥♥♥

[@alexandrastassen5733]

I love getting feedback about myself in a relationship - it lets me know what I need to work on to make my partner, and me happy.

[@Summerbeeuty]

This works for everyone for any relationship(start with praise, place the issue in the middle, place some positivity on top) you have just made a communication sandwich 🥪 yay 😀

[@lenab.m.3708]

This sugar coating "priming" gets me mad...i go directly to the point..if he can't stand it he is not my man

[@arabchic7855]

Me too I lose patience and get exhausted

[@lovemecom3832]

If you really like the guy then set up a standard for him to meet but don't give up too easy if your expectations wasn't met just let him know where and what part you get disappointed because there's no such thing as perfect relationship.

[@ekayanichamberlin3966]

I appreciate this video Matt. It's all about respect. For the ladies who say men shouldn't be "coddled" you want tenderness but don't want to give it? Good luck with that!

[@1Skorpia]

I dont need to be coddled. thats for children. affectionate and tender yes.but when a "man" acts like a child I say dump him.

[@Dmalone329]

@skorpia...So this is just a way for us as women to be affectionate and tender toward our men. We dont know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of unstable, accusatory, frustrated emotions. Just like they dont know what it feels like to receive some things from them. This isnt about perfection. Its about growth and give and take which is something all relationships need. So like my sis said above....Good luck on getting it to work without putting in the extra effort.

[@larissagonzales6075]

@@Dmalone329 The man also must be putting in the same effort. Us learning how to speak and treat men. Women are always called complainers or nags when really we would like common sense things done.

[@Dmalone329]

@@larissagonzales6075 common sense is not really that common Larissa. I know we'd like to think so but it's all based on perception.

[@Dmalone329]

@@larissagonzales6075 that's why we can learn to communicate what we want. Our desires are nobody else's responsibility but out own.

[@FarishaNadiaOfficial]

If I had a magic wand, I would ask for my partner to be able to understand me. Communication is tough and it's like we are speaking different languages. I am trying my best to understand him but he is not doing his best to understand me and that is very frustrating.

[@pilatesstudioandmore7615]

Hey, no surprise! WE DO SPEAK DIFFERENT LANGUAGES!! That is a FACT It may be highly possible and probable that what is important to YOU is not important to HIM, and that my friend is ALSO speaking different languages, having different abilities (normal) and in essence being from a different planet and then some. Foundation is crucial, as well as how you respond to this frustration. Ladies CAN speak MALE, and if not likely that any man can speak or do FEMALE. Facts.

[@anna10son]

Hi Mat! I'm really fond of your channel, of your advice. I love your positive attitude! Like 12 hours ago I felt desperate, I thought I would brake up with my not-yet-boyfriend, and your advice helped me soooo much! I managed to communicate to him my needs without being aggressive or needy :-D I'm so thankful!

[@loishotfudge]

Great tips! Respectful and healthy communication :) My specific need that I'd like to have met is to be comforted and accepted by my man.

[@glittersparkle5148]

all of this is true and it is super draining. women always have to dumb down in adult supposed interaction with another man. sicking. but to get him to do what we want, this is how you have to play the game or remain single. sad but true. the delivery with any conversation is the key. so if having to speak this way is more encouraging to get what we want, i see no harm in doing it. the object is how can i bring out the best in you to accomplish want i want done and being nasty about it dose not help at home, with family, friends, coworkers ect. . . anything!

[@Ugcwithclaudiad]

the funniest thing about this whole thing is, men don't even speak this way to each other, and shit gets done...

[@larissagonzales6075]

@@Ugcwithclaudiad True point.

[@Nadehj]

Larissa Gonzales wondering if that’s how moms behave. Dumb down and gf and wives now must continue with it.

[@pc3140]

It’s not dumbing down! It’s called emotional intelligence... we’re human & we have feelings.... traumas n etc... it’s important to be mindful and gentle with handling people at times. We’re all children at the heart at the end of the day. Sharp criticism can really fuck with someone’s spirit.

[@hypnotherapistgurudebraann6013]

Words are magic. Matthew is right in the way that you speak your words and tone can create what you want. What you speak is what you create

[@jilliannoble3080]

I clicked on this video with a negative mindset because I was upset with something my boyfriend has neglected to do, but after watching this, I feel a LOT better and more confident about how to communicate with him. Thank you!

[@cazdrazil]

You are a genius!! I have a long distance relationship that is starting up and I have been banging my head trying to figure out how to ask for what I want and also be a quality woman. This video and the Cool Girl Quality Woman video broke the dam! Thank you!

[@marivicmaderazo7061]

How can we get our man to take initiative such as getting the ac fixed, getting the trash out, setting a romantic date, telling us when they're gonna be out from work, without us having to tell them?

[@mchtaiki]

i am there with you

[@sal4538]

I hate lazy guys

[@As99-r1z]

Maybe for the first two you could implement the video and really make sure you show appreciation and for the third and fourth you could start yourself like romantic surprises and that might motivate him to do it too also, you could address the communication by asking him about his day and when perhaps you guys could have dinner together but I suggest try succeeding at the first 3 before addressing communication so that he is aware good changes are happening.

[@christina2311]

Men definitely respond well to this. 10/10. Men want to feel loved and taken care of too. It's not coddling, it's being kind.

[@curlmecrazi]

Hear a lot of these videos telling us women to celebrate and appreciate men with them having to do the very minimal yet receive the most praise

[@4theluvofacurl]

I like you Matt & sometimes your advice is spot on... but at other times I am completely exhausted by the long list of burping & petting & stroking that you give for communicating with men. 🤢

[@Santu7220]

Well, rewind the video, rinse your comment and repeat until complete... to meet your NEED.

[@miznaturallyfierce]

@4theluvofacurl "burping"now that was he he Larious!

[@totalDfitness]

That’s what men need ... lots of stroking...

[@MatthewCoast]

Thank you for making this video! I appreciate all of the advice. Keep up the good work!

[@7eloua]

I understand what you're saying AND I find it a little bit too long of a way to ask a simple question. All those sentences just for that simple thing to do or ask. I think that after a while her man will figure out that whenever she begins to talk to him in that way, that she surely wants him to do something. He might see a pattern and maybe it will make him feel like she's smooth talking him into doing something he doesn't feel like it.

[@Santu7220]

Some attention and using even things like this show that you really care. It goes a long way, it´s part of foreplay. Also, remember, there is a lot of explanation around the statement Ireen is making.

[@BrandiEckert]

My husband is a great partner, parent & friend and I love our "attentive" interactions, when I know that he is fully present in the moment with me. iPads, phones and tv's be damned, for that 10 to 20 minutes of "focused in the here & now, conversation" to be guarded and preserved as priority, says even louder, "I SEE YOU & YOU MATTER TO ME - WE MATTER TO ME". On days when that connection has been made, I feel heard, safe, and content. I feel understood & nurtured somehow; as if we are energetically on the same wave length and figuratively on the same page, and we both know it and value it. That few minutes of laser focus, while letting all other things blur into the background, brings me great peace and security within my self and our relationship. That mutual presence for each other, is so very powerful. ~♡~

[@raddi98]

This was such an eye-opening video, I've recently realised how little I know about communication with my partner, even more so about confronting him about an issue. Well, I have just used every step to let him know how I feel and the structure is so much better than the one I used to use. I really hope he will respond positively

[@stuntsaki]

This was amazing!!! I was so upset earlier cause I was trying to figure out how to do this this video is the bomb! I’m gonna try this out

[@DM-jn3mb]

This is spot on. Respectful and smart way to get what you want or need. And always showing gratitude. WAND: I would love it if when you are emotional as a woman, a man does not somehow take that as a subtraction from how smart you are.

[@analiapereyra8470]

I like the video because when I ask for something I'm probably not considering the man´s point of view, even his willingness to listen. Of course politeness is important. And it's important to make of politeness a habit in our everyday conversations. The better the request, the better the answer. Thank you!

[@tamiramaker9457]

Wow, this couldn't come at a more perfect time. My boyfriend and my 2 year anniversary of the day we met is today. He is out of town and I wanted to fly to where he was working and have dinner with him. To make a long story, short, it didn't work out and I have been very upset this week. So I've been trying to figure out a way to discuss this with him. I wrote down the 5 points and this is what I came up with. 1. Babe, I wanted to ask you a favor, 2. I really appreciate that you do so many nice things for me and express yourself through your actions because it means a lot to me AND 3. I would really like it if we cannot get together for special occasions (like birthdays or anniversaries) because you are out of town for work, that when you let me know that we can't get together on that day, that you will tell me that we can get together to celebrate when you get back into town and pick a day that will work for your schedule because it would really mean a lot to me and it would show me that you care about me and things that are important to me. 4. Is that something that you would considering doing, should this come up again? 5. Thank you so much for caring about me and what is important to me. Any advise on delivery?

[@carolyn8769]

Hi Mat, with the high amount of single parents out there I am interested in exploring how to go about developing a relationship and dealing with their issues of previous failed relationships? I know it's a big issue but kids bring a whole other level into your life when you're trying to build a new relationship. Love you videos!!!

[@Santu7220]

"Love your videos" is a great start. Asking for help is great, too. Short sentences go a long way.

[@sweetsue4204]

Oh Mat, I’ve trained myself to meet all my needs. 😄 With him it’s all wanting. Lol! I want more time with him, that’s about it. I’ve learned to script it and wait for the universe to get the timing right, and that seems to be going well. My secret appears to be living in a state of joyful expectation.

[@godseed79]

I love this! great tips and loved how you broke it down in a way that we can replicate it.

[@Laryanka]

I totally agree with this, AND that kind of communication should be used by both parties. 😉

[@168nena]

I have been following and listening to you for about a month now and I wanted to tell you that it is so helpful in relationships, thank you, Anne from La Rochelle on the sea side in France 🇫🇷😉

[@anor33]

And what do you do 2 weeks after this conversation and the thing still isn't happening?

[@adobney720]

That's what I need here lol

[@ladyinred9656]

Then get a side dude like I did because my nigga sucks in bed

[@cjd5255]

I know u have to basically spell it out for men and be very blatant on how u feel. I just had an experience. And I let him know how his non-actions made me feel. I couldn't be anymore blatant. I have noticed a positive change and effort. Which makes me feel his action meets his feelings.

[@nancyann3544]

CJ D lol at least your man seems to be making a change. I end up being very outspoken about how his not doing things makes me feel and get the entire thing turned around onto me saying it’s me this or me that and him saying how he pays all the bills and just everything thrown in my face!! He says he loves me ohh soo much wants to marry me and all that we have a family together and yes he’s been there for me for a lot of shit but when it comes to taken care of the house and cleaning up after himself and so forth he acts like a child!! I feel like I’m taking care of an adult child at this point I can’t take it anymore!! I just wanna feel loved and respected is that too much to ask for?!

[@michelecosta1624]

Hey Matt, great advice. I have a question though: I guess for this process you suggested to be sucessful it takes a good man. A man who wants to cooperate, to make an effort to make his partner happy instead of assuming he is done so much, his wife should be satisfied already. A man who is willing to learn, who is willing to do better. AM I right?

[@uncouthgirly]

When I send a text with a specific question or statement, it would be nice if the man in my life would respond directly to the question or statement, rather than evading it or ignoring it.

[@ameliedorm4203]

I’ve been doing it wrong my whole life!!! Thank you sooo much for teaching this!!! …They should teach techniques like this in school instead of things u never need and use again in life -.-‘

[@MsNevaehlovely]

My love language is time...how to get him to spend more time?

[@hudaamin4306]

MsNevaehlovely. Me too

[@sandymcnally5292]

Me to:(

[@stephanieh5478]

Me three. Did you find a way? I told my boyfriend "I would love for us to spend more time together!" We saw each other a little bit more for 2 weeks and went back to being aloof and not seeing each other frequently.

[@jellybarro3844]

Me four.

[@lorilewter1404]

We all have egos and this is just a way to get around waking that beast. Thank you for the helpful tips!

[@jessicasaunders1936]

Thankyou Mathew, this was super helpful! I have a bit of a difficult situation at the moment with a boyfriend from a different cultural background, meaning his parents have a very different set of rules for how this relationship should play out to what I am used to. It's hard trying to adjust but at the same time I don't want to end it because I feel that the good definitely out-weighs the bad, but I do need to know how to navigate our relationship for us and not for his parents - if that makes sense. It all feels a little out of our control, so I just want to know how it can still feel like this is ours…

[@Flutterby406]

I would suggest that you sit him down and tell him to talk to his parents a d tell them to stay out of your guys' relationship because you are not dating 3 people

[@MaryTheresa1986]

How is everything going? Are you two still together?

[@sassygirl7817]

Thank you so much for the tips. I think this will work for the problems that I’ve been having in my relationship. I feel like I’m hitting my head against the wall. So I’m going to try these tips out

[@edithjacob5115]

Great tip I will use it! Thank you so much!

[@Gregarious3]

To say my name and check that I am listening before going forward is super helpful to not have you annoyed. Talking from the other room is a setup for a fight.

[@anarup916]

Nice point

[@tanlight45]

I LOVE when my hubby is just honest with me. And can tell me his needs. Work on them together💝🐒💝 No go to bed angry with each other. Not good4 the soul. 🐰🐱🐰

[@Fcacamposs]

This is gold ! Really wondering how to bring a romantic gesture for Valentine’s 😂 now I have the step by step formula ! Loved it ❤

[@kellyquittenton]

Thanks for this video! It's great! Do you recommend this same approach to someone that you are newly dating? Also, to answer your question at the end of the video, my need would be honest communication. How do you inspire someone to communicate openly and honest instead of general comments to remain neutral? Thanks much

[@kele1]

on the other hand if someone would say this in such "careful" way i would feel bit angry that they apparently think that I'm incapable or with some special needs...i prefer direct way.

[@CherylMuir]

If you're reading this - you are so, so worthy of love ❤️❤️❤️

[@christineming4558]

Thankyou so much for edjucating me! Could you plesae if you get a minute, elaborate on respect? I learned respect is vital to a man. I was brought up with false ideas about men. I need to be reedjucated about how to be respectful of my husband. Many times I feel he is unworthy of my respect. I strive to show him respect...but I screw it up all the time. I need this information. And also...the importance of vunerability.

[@brianhoneycutt5938]

Would love hwr to ask more follow up questions about what i share, what ive been up to. More summarizing or validating. Im a therapist with a history of neglect as a kid so these sort of things really stand out to me. Good vid thanks

[@BeGioBijoux]

How do I convince him to better groom himself?

[@michellegervais110]

I would love it if my boyfriend initiated plans or made the effort to see me more. I feel like I'm always the one to say let's hang out or let's do this on Thursday or whatever. Maybe it's because he's grown accustomed to me being the one to set up plans but it makes me feel like I'm more invested in our relationship than he is

[@dahliamccracken3819]

Hi Mat, I watched this video last night & I applied the format thru voice message as we're not living together and he broke up with me the next day. I felt devastated and thought I probably made a mistake.

[@claraahaa5950]

Hello friend, I have been on youtube for many years now telling people about how Dr ediale brought back my relationship

[@claraahaa5950]

All the people I have recommended to him later come back to thank me

[@claraahaa5950]

He works without any delay just give it a try Message him on WhatsApp for help

[@claraahaa5950]

[phone]

[@MaryTheresa1986]

You deserve better.

[@whitecandychocolate]

how should I approach to my boyfriend to tell him he should look harder for a job?

[@cleoprovoost8647]

Good one

[@ekayanichamberlin3966]

+Thaisa Oliveira encourage him. He's probably feeling down.

[@diamondstarr7388]

Thaisa Oliveira dump his ass....

[@lovedog49507]

Hey babe can I ask you are favor. You are such a handworkER, I aprreciate everything you , but can you continue to look for job.

[@suizrdz]

What if after doing all that he says no to my request? I haven’t talk to him yet, I hope he is more open to listen and to communicate.

[@morbidmutilator7987]

Beautiful strategy. I've been asking my boyfriend of 12 years to give me more affection, but hes a single child and doesnt know how to. When he does it feels like I'm being aggressively smothered. If that makes sense. I have had no luck all these years. I feel really neglected even though thats not the case. Instead, I practice self love and try to make myself happy instead of trying to find love from other guys. It's so challenging, but that's how much I love him.

[@valirukl5768]

hey Mat i really want my man to find a place Asap for our child that is on the way, but because of his past relationships he currently has to pay extra or do extra payments that he doesnt really have the funds to necessarily provide within good timing and im extremely worried im going to have to provide all by myself. How do I address this situation without ending in huge arguments everytime?

[@littleredtoasterbox]

My boyfriend is really selfish sometimes. Then again, aren’t we all? If I want him to do something that means a lot to me, he says “Idk. I have to work. I need hours and I won’t take off for something like that!” I don’t feel like I’m being supported and respected. I don’t think he understands how to be a boyfriend, tbh. And I want to know how to deal with someone like this. He puts work before me (he’s in HVCA, which is in high demand) so I totally get that. I have been nothing but understanding about his work but I’m getting fed up. How can I get him to do what I want without nagging, starting fights, making him feel like crap? I wouldn’t want anyone doing that to me, either. Can you please help me? Thanks!

[@anarup916]

I agree with all if your points. I practice these as well. But still ny husband only picks and chooses what he wants to do, and after repeated times of asking him I get frustrated. What to do?

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Get a divorce.

[@michelleagoglia3402]

I'm gonna do this right now cause it's something extremely important I have to talk to my husband about saul let you know how it goes and I'm gonna do it exactly the way that you entailed it step 1 to 5

[@jellybarro3844]

Was it successful?

[@tanjavasic6977]

Hello Mat. You are so grait and helpfull. Thanks a lot! Keep on doing it.

[@mariaritareis439]

I can't live like this... Just be polite about it and say it!

[@tsweet12able]

Maria Rita Reis lol

[@thisisntallowed9560]

Men complain all the time women aren't direct enough and now this?! Don't complain your partners are passive aggressive if they can't tell you anything without having you overreacting like a baby.

[@re03387]

Maria....that was hilarious 🤣

[@echoskolumne1962]

I think I do this instinctly. It all started out with my old dad. After my mom's passing I began to ask him very gently to do/ or not to do something and explained as man friendly as possible why. Cuz the life with my mom made him vicious and stubborn. Later I used the same style for requests for my man. I'm myself sometimes even surprised about the whispery light voice I get when I make a request to a man I love. Only when I'm close to a nervous breakdown, have undersugar, nausea or feel like I could faint any moment, I make my requests ungentle. But as soon I get slightly better, I shower the man with thanks like this "Get me the hell outta here!" Later "Oh thank you so much, I'm so sorry for being so harsh, but I couldn't breath at that party. I felt so sick!" Problem: my dad understands all I say. My sweetheart neither speaking English nor German very well understand at best half of what I say... pobably less.

[@Dlovely516]

I agree it was helping a lot. And i don't want to seem overly indulgent. But I tried and i got kickback. Defensiveness all because this particular person thinks he shouldn't have to be changing for me. I don't like being responded with a "thumbs up" when i am saying something romantic or sweet, and loving. Use your words, heart eye and huge smile something. Show me how you feel positively and lovingly. Because i thumbs up to me was lazy and impersonal to me with this particular message. I explained the next day and instead of him saying Oh babe i see how that may have looked I was tired or whatever. I apologize. He said we are disconnected. That blew me. If that was his easy way of saying i don't want to work that hard for you. Then he can step on. Because my respectful explanation for reacting how i did should have not warranted him running away if he really Liked me.

[@katelynsexton-ransom4861]

Matthew Boggs your videos are amazing.... what need I have from Now My Husband Matthew is this... I would love him to spend more quality time with me and Communicate with me more actually having more conversations and less arguing. how can I do this with him, would you be willing to help me?!?

[@hubrismaxim]

This is known as a "Shit Sandwich" in managerial training. It's pretty much what you shouldn't do. Unless your partner has 0 EQ, you will come off super manipulative. Open and honest communication is better. Unless you think your partner is less important than your employee.

[@crystalsavescash3768]

I've really taken a liken to your video's and advice. I am totally going to try this out today!

[@abbysworld05]

In a way it depends of what’s right and wrong if what he’s doing is not treating you right cuz that’s wrong regardless

[@miss_bhello7925]

Sounds good, but I want to show my bf and ask if this would work for him. Because he usually doesn’t like fluff and conversational set ups, but wants me to get to the point.

[@healingdiscovery4436]

That just sounds like I'm constantly having to verbally walk on eggshells. I don't expect someone to have to coddle me when requesting something. I would honestly feel manipulated by it. Just be respectful and ask. "Hey Babe, can you help me with xyz?" Sure? Thank you! Or, "No I can't". Ok cool. Then I would hire some help, let it go, or if it's a pattern, make a decision if this is a compatible person for me. And possibly leave the relationship. Women, we can survive and thrive on our own. We are socially trained to cater. And generally give and give up a heck of s lot more to be with men who do the bare minimum. Let's create s new narrative.

[@paperheartzzz]

Matt, This is AMAZING. Thank you!Question - what if he says no? What is the next step?

[@boomerangsruckflug8513]

Dear Matt, would you please make a video about: when for the first date he wants us to come to his area/city?

[@ccc-e1f]

You have a very smart wife and thank you tons for sharing! Great method and I'll pass this on to my daughters, too. Plus, I'll use it with them 😊

[@kimshafer8141]

Needed this....I try so hard to talk nice to get things done but I guess I can come off in a way I'm not trying to be so this is a good one thanks so much keep the videos coming!!!!

[@jaymajabinshefa1478]

Hey Mat! I have been following your videos and I like really your words. They are pretty much great! I have a question: What if he the person that I had been seeing for about 2 months disappears after the dates (2 dates yet)? We spent a great time together and i had no doubt on his behavior whether he really is interested or not. All were positive. But I'm getting more confused asking "Why he disappears after the date? No phone calls, no texts, even no replies of the texts unless i through him a question whether he is okay and why he is not responding. He just replies with that he is okay and busy with something. If you can help me with this please publish a video on it. Thanks in advance.

[@rezotydnic]

My need is, to spend more time with my bf. We lead a busy life between work, family dynamics, etc. We do not live together. Yet. We are middle-aged and have one elderly parent that needs a lot of supervision, self employment jobs for our retirement savings, plus regular jobs. Its a challenge to say the least.

[@Autumn_Forest_]

When people talk to me like this, I feel manipulated bc I see through the compliments and nice talk. I would rather a person just ask me, “Could you please do X because Y?” ...but I’m a woman and not a babyfied man.

[@lorarooks5515]

I really loved this, and it actually helps me when approaching male students too. I think this would be equally helpful to asking for something from a woman also, but perhaps for different reasons.

[@lluliak1623]

I've got two, and one of them will change in few months,: I'd love to live closer to him (I'll move to his city in June or September depends on my work) And the other one would be for him to know how to express his feelings. It's not that he doesn't show it to me, but he doesn't talk about it. He's fine when we talk about sex, but feelings are hard for him to express in words. I know it might be partly my fault as I'm one of those who really need to hear from people I care about what they feel, and I tell them always that I apriciate them. But what do you think should I do? I talked to him about it few days ago, and I hope he understood, and he'll find ways to feel comfortable while talking about his feelings and in the same way making me more sure about what he feels. Do you think it's bad that I've got doubts even though he shows me his feelings in everyday life? Should I just ignore it? Can I help him somehow?

[@tatica822]

you're awesome, I'm not even in a relationship, but I appreciate these videos

[@CaribbeanKinks]

Matt what if you want your man to take more initiative in the dating / courting process? My guy is not the planner ... Hes a good man... Generous and kind and attentive ... BUT. He's seems to avoid planing dates like its the plague! I realize that's always gonna be a weak point ... But right now I'm 90% planning ... How can I get him to be more in the 20% range ? Or does this mean I should just give up ??

[@smitty4shizzles925]

+CaribbeanKinks I'm curious to see what any guys advice would be to this. My ex boyfriend was similar, he never planned anything. No anniversaries, no dates, no events, nothing. And when I brought it up, he was ALWAYS defensive, ALWAYS upset, ALWAYS reactive, and this made me feel critical and negative.

[@emmaaFrenchCaribbeanHostess]

I feel you!

[@jofriedman4528]

I was given some mind-blowing advice once about approaching men with requests which went something like: "Hey sweetheart, I know receiving love and affection from me is important to you (or whatever is a high value for him) And when I am the one planning our anniversaries and dates all the time, it makes me feel (whatever it makes you feel here) And I'd really appreciate it so much if (insert request here) as it helps me to be able to relax more and be able to show you that love and affection that you want - and that I want to give you too! - When I don't feel I have to be planning 90% of the dates all the time. How does that sit with you?'' Or something like that…

[@arianasilesia2500]

I will truly never understand this. it makes me feel that men need to be codled and treated with so much special care. I don't know how people can have time for this when we have so many responsibilities to take care of each day I just couldn't see myself having to go in such a round about way. we are adults after all we should be able to communicate directly. honey can u please turn the toilet seat down all the way because the baby is going in there and putting her hands in the toilet. use a sweet tone when saying it. thank you honey love you.

[@Sandra-yx6yp]

+ziandra zadora you COULD NOT BE MORE RIGHT! If I ran into a man that needed that much coddling and was that DELICATE emotionally, it would completely turn me off. You would have to walk on egg shells all the time! Kindly asking to plz put the seat down, so baby doesnt put her hands in the toilet, thank you darling, should be fine for any adult.

[@arianasilesia2500]

+Sandra lol I'm glad we are on the same page. it is unfortunate but it seems most relationship video advice is based on women needing to codle men if they want to keep them. what era are we living in ? it looks as though we have not progressed at all. every time I watch a video on relationships and dating I feel like I'm missing something ? and shake my head I mean is this really real ? are women in this day and age still having to grovel ?

[@MyCynner]

+ziandra zadora Nice to see I'm not the only one that thought this advice was off-putting. Sure, I get that men like to feel needed but seriously…to have to lay down that much preamble for his ego surrounding merely a toilet seat is something I'm not prepared to do. Saying please and thank you? Of course. …but complementing him and remembering to filter my wording so I'm not saying "but" seems like a script I have to memorize for a play I have to act in.

[@arianasilesia2500]

+Cynthia Pomerleau The Packaging Girl 😊

[@irene6938]

I have to agree with you no one has time for this really

[@SarahAveryt]

Q: When a guy is asking you out and start giving you option of different restaurant and places to go, does he really want us to pick a place or should we let him choose?

[@kimm9435]

I agree but what if you repeatedly ask nicely and the same thing keeps happening?

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Find a better man.

[@paigeheartly8936]

1.prepare him 2.use “and” 3.use “because” it would mean a lot to me 4. Would you be willing to do that for me? 5. Appreciate and celebrate him

[@yancie9075]

Mat have you thought of doing a podcast ? I think it would be great !!

[@lizsalazar77]

Thank you!! I'm definitely going to try this.

[@MylieMooz]

Oh my goodness only saw this now! (After being away from Internet for a while) thanks so much Mathew! This advice is amazing! You hit the nail on the head. Thank you! If I could wave a magic wand - I would like for my partner to be more family orientated :)

[@asiphejonas9544]

Im getting stressed listening to this video because if your emotions are sky high how do you calm yourself down like that? but ill try it

[@desiera1758]

Hey Mathew, I've just discovered something like this right now and I feel totally bad cause I haven't heard your advice earlier. I have seen many of this also but yours is the best that actually very direct to solve any couples problems. Well, I'd like to ask if there is a couple who actually in long distance relationship and actually they have already made a promises to meet and travel together but suddenly because of his business he tries to postponed it and he also gives the limitation of times which actually everything will be finish with his stuffs and unfortunately until the times he has said.. he seems doesn't care about what we have already agreed previously to travel and have fun together. What should I do to him while his behave a bit changes and I also don't want to put any kind burden on him and make him more stress but outside of that I am really dying to see him next to me. What is the right things to do for asking him in a right way without making him feels intimidating by what I want through this kind of relationship?. Thanks a lot for helping me Mathew and wish God will always bless you and your family with your good things to others.