He Says He Wants A Relationship, But Is He Really Ready?

[@JonathonAslay]

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[@nancyclaypool292]

I've found at least 98% of these men over the age of 40 that say this just haven't grown up to take responsibility with a solid healthy relationship with a mature professional woman with great qualities with the excuse that their wife died or cheated & are too full of fear & insecurities because of that past but expect us as women to have healed from our past trauma which 9 times out of 10 is worse than their trauma, respectfully

[@dpharrison7]

Yep, and I say nice to meet you but we are not a match. I'm not trying to convince anyone that I'm not their ex

[@nancyclaypool292]

@dpharrison7 :EXACTLY but have met too many that were toxic like my ex, & it took me years to heal from that abuse

[@MegInASheathDress]

"Professional" what? That's a vague term often implying your class identification.

[@MegInASheathDress]

I doubt they expect you to have healed because if they're as clueless as you say that shit is not even on their radar. Which is why they're bad partner material

[@SherriFlemming]

Many older men are gun shy.

[@activedogzz100]

Read all the books now I’m overqualified 😂

[@JonathonAslay]

Yay!

[@motheryuba57]

I gave up online dating and have focused solely on meeting men in my community in real life. The last man I spent time with lives 3 miles from me and I've known him for 25 years. We're in the same dance group. I'm 67. He's 77. He seemed like a good man as a more distant friend/aquaintance. As I spent time with him over the last month he insists that he has secure attachment yet I experience him as avoidant dismissive. The more I get to know him in a variety of activities and settings the more he comes off as a cold, distant, emotionally unavailable and dismissive person. It's actually been shocking for me to discover what it actually feels like to be with him. He travels alot, thankfully. We've backed off from exploring any romantic involvement. Now have to navigate seeing him regularly at my weekly dance.

[@JeniinIL]

@motheryuba57 You're doing the right thing, IMO. Walk away emotionally. Psychoanalyze him and yourself less. And who knows, maybe he will feel less of an urge to be avoidant and will then reconnect emotionally. I'm being a complete hypocrite...it's almost impossible to change our anxious habits. But that is the answer if there is one. Walk away...but leave a tiny door open. And don't give up looking for men in your community. You are on the right path.

[@ForeverTogether219]

@@JeniinIL Just remember.. we all are different.. and actually we Don’t know what a person has gone through.. At least he enjoys dancing 🕺🏻 💃🏻💯… that’s a plus. Yes .. this is directed to @motheryuba57 …

[@KatherineSmolen]

@@motheryuba57 Have an adult, professional, and civil conversation with this man and tell him you don't see a future together and you wish him the best too. That's the way to handle toxic people and then your self esteem will remain in tack and he can go on his way to seek other people and activities in his life! Please don't think about this guy anymore, but end the relationship in a fair, polite, and professional manner. You'll feel better in the long run too, by taking back your power as a feminine woman who's also assertive, and you know what you want in life! Just my two-cents here... 😉

[@MegInASheathDress]

Wow. That would be such a turnoff that I wouldn't care if he was in dance class with me. 😅

[@MegInASheathDress]

I never did online dating but the vibe sounds like a nightmare. Meeting people IRL doesn't mean you'll be a match. Odds still aren't great. But I'm old enough that IRL meets were the ONLY way to meet. Last relationship I had [5 years with him, he died] we met in a cafe where all the 2 tops were taken so I had to sit at the counter, and he was sitting next to me. Totally random meet. Lasted 5 yrs honestly thought we'd go the distance. 😭

[@activedogzz100]

So many people just playing and lying too😂

[@SherriFlemming]

That too.

[@kimberleenadwocki4393]

Hi. You answered my question about men and calling. I get it that men might just want face to face and not talk phone. But I need to have a live phone conversation first in my vetting requirements before I even go on a face to face meeting. These men can't even bother call once I give them my number. Dating is a Full-time job from my full-time job

[@JonathonAslay]

It's important to set your boundaries.

[@Sherryyahoo]

I work in healthcare and I can tell you from experience, nurses always end up with someone that they need to fix or take care of.

[@SherriFlemming]

Isn't this the truth for many health care workers.

[@Sherryyahoo]

Absolutely!

[@MegInASheathDress]

Dont bring her on your show if you hit it off. Theres something exploitive about that even if they say they want to do it. 🤷‍♂️ it has a feeling of using her to get your needs met? I could be wrong.

[@terre4017]

My question is, what about a man who says he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and it's been over 3 years? It was a long distance realtionship. I was in San Diego and he was in Florida. I moved to him and we have been living together for almost 3 years. I am 57 and don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't want to commit.

[@nancyclaypool292]

Been there a few years ago at the same age & decided my time left on this Earth was more valuable than him & I walked away. I'd rather live that life alone in my peace & healed emotional state

[@ForeverTogether219]

Are you happy in your relationship? Talk it out….Have a Spiritual Marriage ……If it really bothers you… communicate about how you feel. Just my thoughts.. Ask JA….🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Sunlightsam24]

What does he say when you guys have conversations about the future and what you want? What does you want? Lol

[@Matt-c1b9m]

Sometimes it takes a death of a close friend will make him realize he does have that much time

[@tamarawolverton3895]

I’m just curious what his definition of spending the rest of his life with you means? And what does your definition of commit mean maybe you mean commit by marriage? Maybe he thought he could spend the rest of his life with you without the marriage sounds like a miscommunication, possibly

[@HermelindaJenny]

I know a nurse friend I’ve known since 7th grade she is so very extremely co-dependent she gets angry and makes threats if she is told “no I’m not going to do that, Bcz it’s deceitful.” Once upon a time I used to just go along with her demands and say “yes, ok.” Just for the moment to make her quiet and stop. But now I tell her “no.” WOW does she ever get angry to the point where she threatens your job to be fired…. I can call her on harassment for that, I know.

[@HermelindaJenny]

To add, yes her mother was an alcoholic. And now her daughter is co-dependent to the point that she was financially supporting her ex-husband to only discover that he was engaging in sexual activities with teansvestites, which gave her STD’s at multiple times. Co-dependent with flying colors. It has become genetic, pass from mother to her daughter. Her daughter never knew her biological father and learned to live a step-father that ended up being arrested for child molestation. Yeah, real bad. Poor girl.

[@Matt-c1b9m]

I just want more than hook ups😮😮😮😮😮🎉

[@tinyproject6388]

The way You speak about THE woman one can tell it's not a match😮... ❤ It's my opinion

[@JessicaPolman-i2p]

Agree, watched the video and you can tell he's just not that into her. He honestly sounds hung up on his ex-girlfriend.

[@tinyproject6388]

​​@@JessicaPolman-i2pI think the ex girlfriend was disconnected from her soul and a kind of narcissistic.

[@JessicaPolman-i2p]

@ I actually liked his ex girlfriend. I watched a few videos they did together and I felt Jonathon cut her off while speaking. He is very intense and it could have too much for her.

[@ginam.4990]

Focus on yourselves ladies, set your boundaries, be kind, but take no crap either. If you can, get Mel Robbins book, "Let Them." It's crazy how we allow or give our power to others, to deem our self worth. Good show Jonathan.

[@JonathonAslay]

That's great advice!

[@MegInASheathDress]

Seems like the first few dates, calls, text messages whatever should be a fact finding mission. 😂 just information gathering. So if they say in the first phone call "I'm looking to take things slow" is that a red flag? That seems vague and ambiguous.

[@SherriFlemming]

Let's take it slow is a common line for casual relationships. ( slow on committment or no committment.) Yet want sex as soon as possible. Jonathan's and Ken Reids podcasts on avoidant attachment styles.

[@JonathonAslay]

Tell him you agree and sex happens when trust is built.

[@SherriFlemming]

Good answer Jonathon.

[@ForeverTogether219]

Very interesting Tonight JA.. sorry I missed the Live.. I do enjoy your thoughts on keeping it REAL….😅

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks for watching!

[@o2phone737]

BE BRAVE JONATHON 😊❤

[@Teewriter]

The cheater is just trying to get permission to cheat on her. BTW, An interesting conversation posted by “A View From Appalachia” about dating. A guys perspective. Uploaded mid Jan 2025.

[@tinyproject6388]

I think it's a good method to friendzone a candidate😅 ... if it's meant to be it will be. Most times it's not meant to be so you can avoid too much attachment and waisting your energy

[@MegInASheathDress]

Thats what Aslay is teaching me, fucking cut to the chase because we're not getting any younger. Don't waste time with the 80% find the 20% on the right end of the tail. Although I think I might take up the 40 yo who hit on me on just a sexual thing and give him a call. 😂

[@HermelindaJenny]

Ok so on my next dinner date with this guy I have been seeing not seeing, lol. I will have my list of unanswered questions for him.

[@JonathonAslay]

I’m glad you're taking charge of your dating life!

[@HermelindaJenny]

My son is a Christian, so he knows there is an end of life. He post daily prayers on facebook. He has flourished in his life, has a contractor license specifically in plumbing and his annual income is comparable to a surgeon in the medical field.

[@MegInASheathDress]

I'm a retired surgeon and that doesn't surprise me. The difference is he's exploiting a lot of workers to get his $. He steals their surplus value from them. I mean that's how capitalism works, it can't be a surprise to you. (Read Marx and Lenin) He's not a worker. Docs earn their money because we do the actual work. Should carpenters and ditch diggers make as much as docs and your exploiting son? Sure. It's only our brutal capitalist system that "decides" the profitability of human beings.

[@KennaGrove-tr4ug]

Emotional zombies

[@ForeverTogether219]

Hmmmmm😅

[@lynne22]

Jonathon says emotional zombie

[@o2phone737]

To Ms croft Sounds like he is telling you he will cheat again in the near future MOVE ON

[@HermelindaJenny]

Power outages her in California due to wind advisory, fire prevention. My frig. food will go bad, eek. Power should return tomorrow 🙄 hopefully.

[@JonathonAslay]

Sending good vibes your way ✨️

[@susanharrie3326]

❤

[@KatherineSmolen]

Jonathan, opposites attract, likes repels. Please allow yourself to open your heart and explore new situations. Just my two cents here.

[@JonathonAslay]

Alignment is important

[@JRLM-e8m]

Interesting video. Have fun on your date!

[@tamarawolverton3895]

Jonathan, your succinct intelligence is refreshing and admirable!

[@cherietorressilva]

Jonathon.. Ive been seeing your videos for some time.. I love your energy and your no BS recommendations. Its very helpful, and empowering. I absolutely love your posts!!

[@Sherryyahoo]

Jonathan, who gives a shit, I had to laugh

[@Sherryyahoo]

Theory…their tailored polo shirts are nice too

[@HermelindaJenny]

Lol!!! Ffffffff

[@Sherryyahoo]

Jonathan, I believe we can analyze ourselves

[@JonathonAslay]

I agree...

[@roxanneronquillo7684]

I'm thinkin we're a 'match'😂 too bad you're too far away! Good luck in your new connection! 🐬

[@ginam.4990]

JA forgot to ask: is there chemistry on BOTH sides.

[@danutamaj2115]

Johnathan you are such a super , inspirational powerful “tool” for women seating on the couches and feeling sorry for themselves with no substantial evaluation of themselves! And keeping all with blaming all possible !! The World of Relationships these day keep operating on different hopes & expectations!! that seem to be seating in old memories & expectations folders! As retired dentist, I worked with …. how many young and biter older , sour women??? Don’t know the # now!! But Blaming all possible parties for not making them happy Barbie Dolls, entitled to show off their lavish life style provided for them by their husbands ,but not them!! 🥲🥲 And after their marriage failure ???Johnatan you doing a fantastic job!! educating !!who ? not always the brightest bulbs in a factories!!😂😂!!!but there is a hope for both genders to push on breaks & and get educated!! I your email address below your presentations????