Heal from Being Cheated On | Anxious Attachment & Fearful Avoidant

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In this video, Thais Gibson shares 5 steps for how to get over the sting of being cheated on. Watch now to find out the 5 steps and learn how to apply these steps to your life and future relationships as Thais offers up some guidance and useful tips, especially if you are someone who is a fearful avoidant attachment style (disorganized attachment) or anxious preoccupied attachment style (anxious attachment style).
For more information check out the course, Rebuilding Trust & Overcoming Jealousy in your Relationships!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:58 - The Stories We Tell Ourselves After Being Cheated On
00:03:20 - Step #1: Write Out All Your Stories
00:04:15 - Step #2: Write Out All Your Needs
00:05:23 - Step #3: You Have To Communicate Through Closure
00:05:59 - Step #4: Vet Future Partners for Red Flags
00:08:40 - Step #5: Ask Yourself: Were There Any Benefits?
00:10:49 - Conclusion / 7-Day Free Trial: Rebuilding Trust And Overcoming Jealousy
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
I created the Personal Development School, an online learning platform that gives users the ability to create true and long-lasting change in their lives through personal development courses that are designed to give you a breakthrough in every area of your life, with a 99.7% satisfaction rate.
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #FearfulAvoidantAttachment #DisorganizedAttachmentStyle #AnxiousAttachment #AnxiousPreoccupied #CommunicateClosure #RelationshipAdvice #BreakupAdvice

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I know this is such a painful thing to experience and I wish everyone the best with their healing and moving forward

[@howtosober]

Re: communicate through closure, it would be really helpful to have a video about how to get closure for yourself in the case of DAs and narcissists, who generally don't care enough to give it to you.

[@Anthony-fe4oj]

I’ve always had abandonment issues as a child, but from friends. I was always the brunt of every joke, picked on, and left out. Made fun of for having a crush on a friend. Rubbed in my face from other friends by dating her instead. I’m almost 40 and I feel this still happens to me today. Even with other groups. My coping was to turn it into humor, but over the years it’s taken a toll on me, and I’m always afraid to bring girls around family or friends because once they see how I’m treated they’ll never see me as masculine. Just a screw up goof ball. It happens every time. So growing up it made me very shy around girls, my first real girlfriend I was in my twenties. Yes I’ve changed my ways as an adult, I give off great first impressions. But the second they’re around friends and family I’m always viewed differently and they treat me as such….esp after seeing the way my mother treats my father in the same way. So it causes massive anxiety when I finally find that one I truly want to be with

[@Shutzie27]

If I may gently suggest a few things: First, your instinct probably isn't totally wrong that seeing you being treated poorly by friends and family could diminish attractiveness for a woman, especially because she may feel that if you are unable to protect yourself from abusive hostility you may not be a good protector for her (this could be unconscious). HOWEVER, I think it's also worth examining what the changed behavior says about the woman, too. If people treated my ex-husband poorly I was often called to protect him; the way other people saw or treated him did not impact or diminish the way _I_ saw him or valued him. And that's what we all need in a partner. As an overweight woman, I know some men won't date me because in the eyes of other men it would be seen as diminishing their value; only a lesser man would settle for a fat chick, right? I've literally been told as much to my face, that there was attraction there but if only I could lose the weight. That hurts, but it also taught me I need a man secure in himself enough to date me regardless of what that does to his perceived social status. Someone who knows what he wants and pursues it without apology. You deserve the same, someone who responds to the ill treatment of you by your "friends" (hot tip, real friends lift you up, not tear you down) and family, with a spirit of love and protectiveness. Have you considered place setting for your partner before making introductions? "Unfortunately, the people in my life aren't the most kind or emotionally mature, and tend not to treat me very well. It's difficult for me to engage in conflict with them. But please remember I'm not the person they see, but the man you've come to know and care about." The right woman will encourage you to stand up for yourself and hold your hand tighter.

[@howtosober]

Not all of us get to come from healthy, functional families. It's okay to go low- or no-contact with your family. It's also okay to wait until a relationship develops for a significant time before bringing a new partner around them so that you can have clear discussions beforehand about the dynamics and define the boundaries. But if your friends are treating you this way, you just need new friends. It's never our fault when we come from family abuse.

[@Anthony-fe4oj]

@@howtosober well, my friends mean well for the most part. They are good people. I don’t mean to make it seem like I’m being bullied. (Plus my friends today are not the friends I grew up with) But when I said my coping was turning it into humor, I think that’s what made it what it is today. Because it’s all cool and fun to joke around, especially when I’m joking along. So I blame myself for giving off that vibe. Because once it’s time to be serious, for instance a new crush I’m hanging around, my friends seem to forget there’s two Anthony’s. You got the single Anthony hanging out with his friends joking around all the time, then you got the relationship Anthony that isn’t really about that anymore

[@Anthony-fe4oj]

@@Shutzie27 thank you. That was well said

[@Alixir1228]

I just found out my FA ex was talking to women online our whole relationship. Women he knew, and one he was rebounding with. This included an ex and this ex's friend. I placed boundaries that none of this was okay with me and because I don't have Facebook and don't look through my man's phone, I had to take his word when he said he stopped. But he never did.

[@scuffy1211]

I may be the rare exception but what about the relationship you don’t plan on leaving? Those that are married, for better or for worse, the spouse that battles a sex addiction? Why is the ultimate solution just to always leave the relationship? It’s not that easy for some.

[@Regina.Clarke]

Many people stay if they get to the root of the issue. Ester Perel speaks a lot about this. It’s okay to stay if you think it’s fixable. Best of luck!

[@yellowfruitchocker9879]

I don't think she said just leave. People leave because they cannot or willnot rebuild trust, often cheating partner is not trustworthy, not willing to change, often cheating is the icing on the cake of a disintegrating relationship. Any of these circumstances justify the need to want to heal, which in these circumstances only achievable by leaving. So there's that. However nobody said that ANY of this is easy for anybody. But it is very immature to want to skip decisions or actions that are not easy, toddler-like, even.

[@reng935]

You always post on the right time. I’m feeling this rn with a friend. I feel like he cheated on me and this feels so crazy typing out but whatever. I wanna feel my feelings.

[@howtosober]

Re: communicate through closure, it would be really helpful to have a video about how to get closure for yourself in the case of DAs and narcissists, who generally don't care enough to give it to you.

[@stevensantora2976]

It's in the DA playlist. Here is the video; kzbin.info/www/bejne/oXq4e5ecl86EkLs

[@Calicokitty2]

This is so helpful, having been cheated on after 21 years of marriage. But, how do I get over always being suspicious?

[@asmallbitchybanana]

You have to heal from it, and become secure.

[@rsamuels6969]

I recommend you take her trust course- it will explain

[@user-vt3im6iy1d]

When you feel the suspiciousness come up Ask yourself if it's from the past or the Present Question why you feel that way It's separating your Feelings From past and present So for me when something comes up I say That was from my ex hubby this person is not him thank god I'm safe to trust myself and I'm learning how to trust people again As long as their Words and action match they don't have a sketchy behavior And they are not disrespectful We can just observe the red flags we don't have to react to them hopefully we will see more green flags Every date is new experience and laughter is the best just have fun flirt with guys go on dates dance go out with friends Read a book Color paint go hiking Meditate Fall in love with yourself Get to know who you are get to know who you are ❤

[@masilo2949]

Red flags I saw but ignored 1. He told me he had trust issues 2. He cheated the first time & I stayed 3. He had friends that cheated on their girls 4. He used to get amused by other people cheating & those type of snacks things 5. I saw him text a girl before , but he lied & I believed him 6. He would critically accuse or suspect me of cheating , if someone keeps accusing you , 8/10 times they are doing it 7. Gosh a lot of signs were there hey.

[@masilo2949]

I mean he has good traits and stuff , no one is all bad but the red flags, I will not let them slide ever again. This also taught me to be rational and learn how to reframe my attatchment style , because I would have left him a long time ago if I did

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

Is this really a coincidence? How can all these things you've been talking about since you first popped into this phone be so in line with my fairly recent experiences and this life in general. Amazing

[@GeorgideMarne]

Please talk about how and why APs use Sex to regulate emotions and their internal states instead of emotional connection with their partners. That should be an interesting topic also...

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Let us know if you found this helpful or something you did that helped you get over someone cheating

[@anewchapter1336]

This is very helpful but I am still with husband of 23 years and trying to work through things...can you do a video about people who stay with the cheating partner?

[@roshalllambert]

I always love the client examples u use!!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

happy to hear it!

[@clarabeltranarias5051]

I've found out I was cheated but it was denyed to me, even though I know it was true. I feel deeply hurt, still cannot understand how while I was waiting for that person to come back he was just doing that to me and talking to me so normal... Everytime the thoughts comes to my mind I feel a strong pain on my chest

[@MangoOasis97]

loving this and PDS ❤ this happened to me 4 months ago and i''m feeling much more healed

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

so wonderful to hear this! thank you for sharing ❤

[@77maanno]

This is so interesting, listening to what you say about what an AP would think. “The stories they’d tell themselves”, and then knowing that yes, I did get those thoughts, but that wasn’t until my DA ex who emotionally/micro cheated on me, told me some of those things. As “explanations/rationalisations/justifications” for what he did. I feel exhausted from being told I make up these stories in my head, when what really happened was that he told me those things as part of his defense, as part of his explanation as he was not taking accountability, and instead kept stabbing my wounds by justifying. I know what he wanted was for me to “understand”, and you know, the big DAs wet dream: “accept him for who he was”. But while he was seeking “acceptance”, what he was doing was abusive. And he planted those stories about myself by telling me straight out that was why. You know. You gotta stop victim blaming

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

And now listening to you speak in this video this morning also has a lot of healing helpful guidance, advice, & knowledge.

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

I was told the person cared about me, and there was discussion about the difference between romantic a platonic and then all of a sudden things changed . I became to care about this person in a very big way very fast because of the powerfull experiences I had with her and the Beautiful human/ ❤ she is . But I ended up feeling like she possibly wasn't communicating fully with me. And to have her walk away from me as a friend as well was an extremely overwhelming experience. I don't hold a grudge though and will always hold a place for her in my heart. She is a very good human. Hearing yesterday's teacher helped me because it was such an intense thing I went through & to know I'm not alone is good.

[@kidenyolmo1962]

Thanks Thias ❤ This is what I needed right now !!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Glad we could deliver ❤

[@masilo2949]

Damn this is so on time , thank you❤ gosh

[@lianevoelker9845]

Opinions needed: I dated a fearful avoident for 5 month. I ended it because he couldn't develop enough feelings to see a future with me. Now yesterday it came over me, that every Monday he would catch up with his female best friend to watch a series together. I know that he would never cheat as he has been cheated on in the past BUT... I am wondering if she might have been between us and maybe even unconsciously manipulated our relationship. Apparently she said to him after date 2 with me, that she is worried that he will string me along. 🤔. I don't know why this still matters to me, but i guess i am looking for evidence why I will never get him back so thst I can let go. Any thoughts on my situation?

[@chipwildridge6354]

I was in a fast and amazing relationship with a woman who was a dismissive avoidance. She got scared and went back to a guy within 3 days to a guy that was 11 years younger. She had 4 kids one with Down’s syndrome. Her kids loved me. She was deeply scared from her ex husband. I’m so confused why she disengaged from me. She said I was nothing she ever had. I’m an old fashioned southern man. Rare to find. What should I do?

[@raymondsilveira1936]

how many kids do you have? why would you want to take on that responsibility?southern man or beta simp?

[@Candy_Mountain]

The only lesson I learned was I can’t trust people I love

[@alyajewellery]

I said to myself “he said that his ex left him preemptively because he had a reputation of cheating so this is not personal “

[@Michelle-qq4sd]

How about a green flag video or better yet, a red flag vs green flag clip?

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

we have this one video re: green flags for DA's: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pmPUnWBrh7R-gKM but i like your suggestion! thank you ❤