Healing From Sissy Porn and Gender Dysphoria with Shane Cole | Ep 179

Sasha and Stella welcome Shane Cole to the show for a riveting exploration of the intricate layers of male gender dysphoria. Shane's journey offers a powerful narrative of recovery, highlighting the unpredictable pathways of healing and the integration of both masculine and feminine aspects of identity. This important conversation uncovers the intricate and often misunderstood dimensions of gender dysphoria in males and the complex psychological impact of unhealthy porn use.
For links and resources relevant to this episode, access the full show notes at www.widerlensp...
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Shane on KZbin @shanecole4373
/ @shanecole4373
Shane on Instagram @breathingwithshane / breathingwithshane
Awaken Your Purpose with Inspiratus Breathwork at www.inspiratus...
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We're honored to have had the pleasure of hosting many of the experts lined up to present at Genspect's upcoming Bigger Picture Conference in Lisbon, Portugal.
With a focus on "Reframing the Future," Genspect is dedicated to shifting the conversation from identifying problems to exploring solutions. Presentations, panel discussions, debates, and a live-stream interview ensure that all sides of this complex issue are addressed in a compelling manner.
Reserve your tickets today to save your spot for a powerfully engaging event, challenging the evidence base for gender medicine and addressing the widespread damage of gender identity ideology.
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If you liked this episode, more episodes you might find interesting include:
Episode 20 - Gender Dysphoria in Boys: Part 1
• EPISODE 20 - Gender Dy...
Episode 21 - Gender Dysphoria in Boys: Part 2 - A Conversation with Angus Fox
• EPISODE 21 - Gender Dy...
Episode 61 - Pioneers Series: Autogynephilia: Myth and Meaning with Ray Blanchard
• EPISODE 61 - Pioneers ...
Episode 174 - How Porn Can Influence the Desire to Transition, with Forrest
• How Porn Can Influence...

[@annemariegodden]

The MYTH I see presented over and over (by mostly younger commentators) is that there are strong gender roles - and an 'openess to expression' and 'agreeableness' are a rigid definition of feminine, and the reverse is true for masculine. These are not gender roles. These are (human) PERSONALITY qualities expressed by people in various ways irrespective of gender. The application of this flawed logic has been the first misstep for so many down the very dark path of body modification. I feel grateful to be a child of the 70s. I had no gender-imposed myths to limit my dreams. I have female friends who became engineers and male friends who became midwives. Pop culture in the 70s and 80s included David Bowie, Boy George, Adam Ant and others. Can we correct the flawed thinking about gender roles and the blindness to (recent) historical Western culture? Can we encourage people to step out of online silos and have face-to-face conversations with their elders? Can we? What do you think?

[@llkoolbean4935]

I totally agree with you. I grew up in the same era and It just seems we've gone backwards.

[@annemariegodden]

@@llkoolbean4935 I hear you. It seems they have all regressed back to the norms presented in 1940s and 50s magazines. Even then, women manned factories for the war effort and men whose wives died, raised children. In the 70s, women had professional jobs and men cooked and cleaned. I think the issue is about where they are getting their information...

[@dreimalnein22]

I grew up with gender-is-a-social-construct 20 years ago and don't understand it either.

[@annemariegodden]

@@dreimalnein22 I think you're right - it has deep roots. I think there are some (independent) researchers diving into the theories that have led to this social phenomenon, but I don't know if anyone really understands (yet).

[@dreimalnein22]

​@@annemariegoddenit's for sure complex and the subculture that raised me felt it was more intellectually cool to go into this weird way and focus on the trauma of past generations who have written their wrong theories down instead of focusing on climate change prevention, climate change prevention and climate change prevention. After all they nihilists like everybody else. And there are people with paraphilias pushing the case along. And homophobic doctors who don't care and even feel virtuous.

[@StormBringer5]

There is essentially no therapy out there right now that is specifically being offered to AGPs. What Shane is doing here is truly an invaluable service for a growing population of confused and struggling AGP men. I hope his program continues to thrive so he can reach more men.

[@missp498]

Porn online is damaging to people. When are we going to care more about it.

[@fitgiddlin21]

When it stops making billions of dollars

[@missp498]

@fitgiddlin21 yes but it doesn't really make billions of dollars for a lot of people. It's in the hands of a couple of parasitic individuals. One guy owns porn hub for example. He makes billions of dollars from stealing other people's product.

[@Hey_Damj]

This is a really fascinating episode. Although, I have a bunch of hot takes. 1. There’s going to be a whole lot of people who are caught in this that are going to wake up and realize they are just (mostly) heterosexual. 2. Some people have a flexible sexual orientation and others have a fixed orientation. We need some better ways to help people walk out of these identities or be able to pinpoint when they start to question if they should move on. I think there’s a myth that just because you’re “curious” is an absolute that you’re gay, bi or trans. What I have observed among those who do identify is this pressure to help people belong or project themselves (see Gaylors - Taylor Swift fans who spend way too much energy looking for any sign that she’s gay.) Among gay men there’s this fantasy narrative of “converting” a straight man. Sissy porn is the pernicious version of this. 3. At the end of the day we have not been honest about the dark sides of the greater LGBTQ+ cultural landscape. These are groups of people who have long lived in the margins and didn’t have to think about how unhealthy their dynamics are because it was the “price to pay” to belong

[@MysticMom75]

This is SO important: "Among gay men there’s this fantasy narrative of “converting” a straight man. Sissy porn is the pernicious version of this."

[@tomzjamz]

Thanks for posting this video. I also watched Shane’s video with Benjamin and it’s good to see he’s still doing well. I also have been through a very similar experience, although I’m 28 so a bit older than Shane. It’s only been the last few years that I’ve really started to come out of this. I would love to come on the show and share my story too.

[@dimad645]

There's a detransitioner on KZbin that I follow, "Call me Sam". I was struck by how he uses the same language as your guest. He felt unseen before he transitioned, and he felt seen after transition.

[@markkavanagh7377]

We use to call it 'shyness'. Again in a switch of definition, homeless becomes 'unhoused', so self responsibility is switched to governmental responsibity. Unseen is removing responsibility from the individual to the community around them.

[@ejd5261]

@@markkavanagh7377yeah it’s narcissist speak. Call Me Sam is a textbook narcissist.

[@imawordgirl]

@@ejd5261 How so? What signs of narcissism do you think he shows? I haven't noticed that.

[@ejd5261]

@@imawordgirl I guess what I really mean is that he seems to me to be someone who is recovering from a narcissistic coping mechanism (his transition). It’s not that rare for victims of serious early childhood trauma to develop narcissistic disorders. Their needs weren’t met in a big way during a crucial window of development, so now there’s this deep, bottomless pit that constantly needs filling. I know he has his explanations for his transition. I also don’t quite believe some of the pure, spiritual stuff he comes out with about why he was essentially a fetishistic crossdresser. I think for me, I found myself at the end of like an hour long video of his and I was like “hang on! I just got scammed by a narcissist! Why did I just listen to this guy navel gaze for an hour?!” And I unsubscribed. Sometimes I wonder if these men (and, occasionally, women) would just acknowledge “I used to be a pervert, but I realized I was perving, so I stopped now,” then maybe they wouldn’t need all the vague, 45-minute long videos about shame and religious ecstasy and they could just say “I tried to give myself tits and a p*ssy/a d!ck and ballls bc I’m a perv. I’m a perv partly bc my dad was a perv/I was abused as a kid/I have social issues that were never address. I apologize to society for being a perv. I don’t do that anymore.” Like, maybe if they did that, they’d finally be able to get over the shame and move on.

[@amamuffin]

All the ugly nest boys hope to become beautiful women

[@MRsnuggles-u9i]

I skipped over this episode initially because I frankly didn’t want to think about men watching porn and becoming fixated on a fetishized image of womanhood. I’m glad I finally watched it, it was a way more interesting and heartfelt conversation than I was expecting! This podcast just continues to give me so much to think about regarding gender and sexuality, and I’m really grateful for it. Growing up a gender non-conforming lesbian in a religious conservative community really distorted and damaged my relationship with gender and sexuality and I honestly feel like these conversations, while often scary and uncomfortable, are helping me to heal and come to terms with my own self. It’s also helping me to understand men better after a lifetime of distrust and resentment towards them. I have a lot of hope that maybe we can all come out of this craziness one day with a greater understanding of each other as men and women and as people of diverse sexualities.

[@kristinskousgard9439]

Stella, you really need to add your question after the guest has answered Sasha's. You each frame the question differently which shapes the answer. I often find myself wishing I could hear the guest's answers to Sasha's questions. Love you both.

[@blindedbythenoise3107]

Sorry, Irrelevant to your point, but what does the star and yellow circle stand for?

[@blindedbythenoise3107]

Ignore. Loyalty badge

[@lorraine.bernardettehoole7743]

I cannot help thinking there was more to this guys childhood than he's saying.

[@ebflegg]

​@@lorraine.bernardettehoole7743 well there were obviously very conventional gender roles... Tough masculinity and domestic, nurturing feminity

[@lorraine.bernardettehoole7743]

@ebflegg Yes you are right. I commented very early in the video and as he continued I realised he didn't conform to the family norms and this was basically treated as a medical condition.

[@PlaceboDomingo]

Shane’s honesty and thoughtfulness are very touching - thank you all so much

[@RufanaDenmark]

Respect to Shane for speaking out. We need to talk about how Porn is destroying boys and men. I do feel to some extent that he's using misandry as an excuse for his porn addiction. I've been exposed to misogyny.many times in my life -it didn't make me addicted to anything.

[@sheilaoreilly6826]

I've watched many men on Boyce discuss their detransition. Straight, gay and bi. They all end up blaming women and girls for their transition. Even if they have previously discussed watching porn and hypno sissy porn..... Even if they discuss being groomed by other men online ..... Even if they discuss bullying by other boys..... They *still* do the mental gymnastics to blame it on the women and girls around them..... All said with *no* playback from Boyce despite his 'support' of women......

[@siobhannoble8545]

Men always have to find a way to blame women for their actions.

[@williamvallespir5509]

​@@siobhannoble8545 oh yeah for sure, i mean we dont have affirmative action, charged language, a constant need to tell ourselves how great we are. Thats literally women who blame men for everything. You want rhe answer is to not beint tribalistic person like you. The answer is to understand that we are people and to stop listening to multi trillion dollar corporations who pander to your worldview. Yes women are the other half of the human species they arent angels.

[@lancewalker2595]

@@siobhannoble8545So much empathy from you lot. Typical. Honestly, just piss off.

[@jumblyman]

Men have higher sex on average drives so there’s a mismatch between supply and demand- look at how many gay men go crazy on the sauna scene - so porn is very tempting for sex-deficit hetero men. Women don’t get this and generally have no idea how big online porn is with men so good on Shaun for speaking up.

[@shweefranglais7900]

These talks are utterly fascinating. It is absolutely so true how single instants or comments can get embedded in the brain; just in the overall sense. If they happen at an early age they can literally shape our entire psyche.

[@dreimalnein22]

I wish Steensma and De Vries would be willing to take part in another conversation with Stella and Sasha and talk about this and all other developments in the last years. :) see Podcast Number 66 of this wonderful channel.

[@pariscashin]

Thank you for sharing something so deep and personal. Its so important for parents to know this

[@suedavis1781]

Super interesting conversation. I was wondering if "being forced into the opposite sex" is actually more about wanting to be desired and pursued rather than actually wanting to be the opposite sex?

[@silviasilverstein]

It’s definitely one of the many drivers behind transitioning and gender ideology. I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of a “trans maxxer,” but they’re basically straight, so-called “incel” men who feel transitioning will give them access to perceived “benefits” women have in society, as well as access to dating women that they previously couldn’t attain while living life as a regular man-however it’s my belief that you can never live as a woman if born male.

[@GordieGii]

Sounds like there might be something there. I was wondering what relationship it has to raip fantasies in women, if any.

[@MRsnuggles-u9i]

@@GordieGiiI was thinking about rape fantasies in women too. I’ve read a bit about them and how often times its about women feeling ashamed of pursuing sex so they fantasize about being forced so that they can maintain their “purity” in fantasy.

[@amamuffin]

From one addiction to another …

[@silviasilverstein]

Omg this is crazy!! I’ve never heard of hypno porn. This agenda is so very calculated. So glad he was able to escape this. Society doesn’t put nearly enough stress on how damaging and addicting porn has become for boys and men alike. My ex boyfriend was addicted to watching and paying for web cam porn. I didn’t find out until midway through the relationship. It started in high school and lasted beyond his college years. There’s a lot of shame in boys and men who fall into porn addiction.

[@christinadodd5780]

I was talking to my friend the other day about trans. She was telling me her 16 yr old daughter's boyfriend will dress up in her daughter's clothes when they're hanging out in her room. She said they consider it normal and nothing wrong with it. Times have definitely changed.🤔 I remember as a preteen putting makeup on my 11/12 yr old brother and dad for fun one time. They both looked like crap and we laughed about it. But this was in the early 90s before the internet was popular and there wasn't porn everywhere. They both continue to be biological males.

[@fitgiddlin21]

Just to clarify, even if they transition they would still be biological males

[@christinadodd5780]

@fitgiddlin21 😄 I know. Just saying they didn't turn out to be trans.

[@MH-qw6nc]

This puts into words the suspicions I had when my brother quit his high paying job in finance to become a prostitute within a year after declaring himself to be a trans woman…

[@matttorrence2900]

What Jack Black film movie are we talking about?

[@BeccaE]

I’m racking my brain on that one

[@ShineOnBenevolentSun]

I think he's referring to the Foo Fighters video that Jack was in - the song is "Low."

[@Shazbut0191]

Woah the bit with Anna totally blindsided me. Had to fight back the tears

[@ruth112]

Really interesting podcast. Shane, how great of you to share these details. Inspiring. I'm an educator so these podcasts and the guests' honesty really help.

[@christinadodd5780]

Can you interview the de-transitioner, Ray Alex Williams? It'd be an interesting episode!

[@patrickdalton2424]

That would be a great episode

[@MarinaE-mo2wy]

What if underlying all this is profoundly physical reason. We always talk about body/mind split a product of monotheistic religions, but have we intergrated that understanding yet? Most definitely not. You cannot eat crap and poison for 4 generations now and NOT to see effects beyond just obesity. Add to that plastics in all organs including the brain and their impact on hormones. 4 generations of women on the pill and the insane hormone use, women encouraged onto testosterone, not for transition but supposedly for their health. We are fucking around with substances we barely understand.

[@RussBlake80]

I was raised a vegetarian in the 80s, internet wasn't a thing, however I still suffered with autogynphillia before puberty and only got worse once I hit puberty. I was a soft nervous child, didn't have any interest in sex or pursuing relationships with any girls or guys, girls tried to kiss me and I used to creep out. I was nerdy, a late developer and always had the fixation with wanting to be female, I have mild autism, and think this may have something to do with it. Was a rocker, had long hair and a feminine image through my teens, with similarities to the rockers of the 80s, twisted sister, kiss, and the likes of Bowie, prince, I even think Michael Jackson had AGP. It's gotta be to do with vanurable narcassism and living in fantasies to ease stress, and anxiety in those on the spectrum. Still have no concrete answers on why we want to look feminine though. It still gets me sometimes and I'm 40, don't watch porn. But can get triggered by seeing pretty girls, real envious of them. It's crazy. Defo not plastics and food.

[@lucydayLucida]

@@RussBlake80 That's fascinating, although sounds like it's not pleasant to experience. Thank you for sharing your unique experience.

[@RussBlake80]

@@lucydayLucida it's horrible, highly self centering and narcassistic in nature, if you let it get that far. In order to keep it at bay you have to be selfless and focus on anything but yourself.

[@MarinaE-mo2wy]

@@RussBlake80 Actually you said you were raised vegetarian, so you confirm my point. All those feelings can be exacerbated or created by a lack of zinc B vitamins chromium omega 3 iron iodine proteins etc.Children should not be raised vegetarian or especially, vegan. To impose a diet that limits the crucial nutrients for brain developement in young people is a kind of abuse, based on an ideology. It seems youre still there, and Im sorry for that.

[@scarba]

Try interviewing Ray Alex Williams. He’s got a KZbin channel

[@patrickdalton2424]

Can't for this one

[@penthehuman]

bright wonderful guy!

[@angelique8089]

What a lovely human and amazing journey he's been on

[@Clem62]

I hope that I'm wrong but I don't believe he's safe from this fetish. Fetishes don't tend to go away completely. It will most likely come back around middle age.

[@tonyhoffman3309]

Not so. When ones perspective shifts so much and awareness broadens, prior fetishes/obsessions, do dissipate and what one has learned about ones self through their experience, is integrated and transformed.

[@priceless2423]

I agree. I expect when his future wife gets pregnant, that seems to set a lot of AGPs off. Fetishes also come in multiples, so I expect there's a lot more going on than he cares to admit to.

[@patrickdalton2424]

​@@tonyhoffman3309that is true but it never 100% goes away. He will still exprience thoughts and maybe even mild desires again but if he remains grounded in the knowledge that he has now he may be fine and never again act out on them thoughts and desires.

[@RussBlake80]

I disagree, I think if he really wants too he can shake it. It's hard as I've also suffered, even without watching porn it does get you. And I still have my moments where I have to shut down the compulsions. It's usually when I'm stressed out that it gets me. But you just gotta ride the storm and go exercise or do something else to keep your mind off it.

[@GordieGii]

Is it possible that the attraction of forced feminization in men is somehow related to raype fantasies in women?

[@LolaMarigold]

I wondered that too!!

[@amamuffin]

Of course!!!

[@RussBlake80]

It shares similarities for sure.

[@alanspicer500]

Is autogynophilia innate or constructed? Nice chat 🙂

[@Zzyzzyx]

I think all paraphilias are formed through the interaction of a person's innate self with their environment.

[@fitgiddlin21]

I think it varies. For me it started from a very young age like maybe 5 or 6 so I definitely feel as if it was just always there, but porn definitely helped to intensify those cross dressing desires. So for me I guess a mixture of both internal and external influences

[@patrickdalton2424]

​@@Zzyzzyxmore than likely yes

[@patrickdalton2424]

​​@@fitgiddlin21me too i have memories of agp fantasies from the age of about 5 years of age. I use to idolise kylie, cher, and madonna. I remember saying out loud that i was going to grown up to be a signer like cher my father said how are you going to do that i said plastic surgery😂 i crossdressed and played with makeup at an early age but had it beat out of me. Then as a teenager i became a secret transvestite and a homophobic tough guy. My early sexual fatasies were lesbian either me with 2 girls or me as a girl with a girl till i was 17 then i had my first fantasy with anouther transvestite and it then become my only sexual fantasy and it wasn't till i was bout 24 that i watched my first shemale porn movie and then it switched on something in me i had never been so turned on but not because of wanting to have sex with the shemale but of wanting to be a shemale and having sex as a shemale and this then caused great gender dysphoria i started disliking my body the clothes just wern't enough anymore. Im 45 now and it is only in the last 3 or 4 years that i learned about agp and detransitioners that i have discovered im a man and not a trans woman

[@RussBlake80]

I was an AGP, it starts before porn, porn just makes it worse. When I was 5 I wanted to be agnetha from abba, at 9 I wanted to be Paula Abdul, at 15, Geri from the spice girls, I would go and buy pop magazines that always came with free girls jewellery just so I could have something feminine to reinforce the delusional obsession, I also had long hair and enjoyed being misgenderd, only became masculine looking around 22, i hated it. As it messed with my fantasy, I would still buy androgenous clothes as close as I could get to women's , and I had Chelsea boots and suede mens shoes that looked feminine, my work mates would take the pis out of me. I didn't care though. Had my nose pierced to, as it reinforced the fantasy also. Porn came late for me at about 30 years old,I'd watch the women and fantasise about being them. Then after 2 years of heavy porn viewing id then go and meet guys, as a man . But eventually I'd start crossdressing and went to meet guys presenting as a woman, I got pretty good at makeup and and had a real hair wig. Loved my knee high boots too. Kinda miss them now I've gone back to being a standard run of the mill guy. I realised I had a problem and I stopped engaging with the fantasy. I kinda lost a part of me yet gained so much wisdom . Don't mind being a guy. Sucks s bit, but I was born as who I was ment to be, can't hide behind a fake persona.

[@dreimalnein22]

35:47 i suspect "and that stuff" means racist tropes that are generally common in porn but in our loaded societies never dared to be mentioned.

[@jan_kisan]

38:15 but what if i feel and wanna feel a lot more responsibility than is usually ascribed to men, but i want it as a woman? i don't want to run away from any responsibility. it's just way cooler and more authentic for me to go about these things as a transgender woman. i see nothing bad in that, from which i supposedly need to be "healed" 🤔 and i agree that men should be able to express emotions and so on, i'm coming from a very different cultural and ideological background, and i see healthy masculinity as a good thing - as long as i don't have to force myself into any masculinity. in fact, i stopped feeling any aversion to masculinity as soon as i realised that none of it had to apply to me. being a man is completely fine as long as i don't have to be one. but that has nothing to do with responsibility and strength and whatnot because i still feel and want as much of it all as i did before. 🤷‍♀ just as a woman. tell me why it's wrong 🤔 i guess you could argue that i am "running away" from competitiveness. but actually, i'd prefer to fight and destroy it 😄 because i see that it is ruining our society and it is not healthy even for men. well, if anyone wants to enjoy a bit of it playfully, it's fine. but applied to real social situations, it corrupts everything and everyone, men, women, and non-binary folks alike. and overcoming competitiveness is a much bigger challenge and responsibility than conforming to it. but men can do it too, there's no difference here. that's not at all why i'm changing myself.

[@LauraB-v7b]

Stella and Sasha, as always you open the lens wider and wider. This episode by far has pushed my belief deeper, that this is a masterful game, by very sick individuals. And that it’s being embedded, into screens. It brings me back to founding out about subliminal messages in advertising. Has this generation been inundated with some hypnotic subliminal messaging for years? First Shane had this profound experience watching a Jack Black movie…that brings him to a world of hypnotic porn. Children’s minds are so pliable, is there some power play, really just grooming them constantly on screens? I’m not trying to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but this episode, was really disturbing. Please, someone tell me to relax, and I’m overthinking this!

[@anniev.6532]

Sadly, you’re seeing it clearly. This is part of the wider trans movement, funded heavily and pervasive from these think tanks that have their grip on social media, higher education, corporate clout, politics, entertainment industry and the list goes on. This started heavily around 2015/2016 with incredible amounts of back door funding. Look into this-but be careful, the rabbit hole is deep and it’s hard to unknow things once you find the truth.

[@khansonx7]

Was he paying for porn or sharing videos if himself?

[@KramRemin]

Kid is SUCH a Denver hippie. ;) Must release my SOUTHPARK energy: OMG THEY KILLED SAGE!!!!!

[@ApacheMagic]

Stella, please stop layering extra questions on top of Sasha’s. It’s confusing for the guest and comes across as pretty rude tbh. It makes me think you’re scared you’ll forget this one point. Write it down and ask after the guest has answered in full.

[@abdc2990]

Guys this wasn't supposed to escape discord. Why are serious people talking about sissy hypno? What next! Gooning?

[@abdc2990]

@@rhiannontomlinson9350 Wow bravo, I'm glad to discern you the "Took the joke literally" award. Congratulations!!!

[@KramRemin]

TOP MARKS for an excellent interview! Enjoyed every bit of Shane's (Sage's) narrative -- he has his life-story WELL IN HAND, also enjoyed Sasha/Stella jockeying for position.;) Interviews with people like Shane, who have dealt with their gender-chaos, and emerged as REAL PEOPLE, are worth 100 accounts of "drowning swimmers." By contrast, Exulansic, just today, (8/23/2024) seems to be camping out on the story of ONE failed FTM girl. #Begruffenheit, I call it.

[@KramRemin]

Shane has mastered the #ZaphodBeebletrans. (A combination image, drawn from Jung's Alchemy and Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy) That is, Shane has integrated his male head and female head; they're talking to each other; he's become ONE person, not trying to "be" the man at the expense of the woman, or the woman a the expense of the man.

[@RussBlake80]

You know what, that's kinda how it is, I had this shiz way before sissy porn was a thing, it's like there's 2 of me in my head, we always fighting. Have been for 30 years, when I'm at work around tough guys I can be the bloke, although a little soft and feminine, but blend in. And if with girls or gay guys I can be the complete opposite with slightly more feminine manurisms, although I do try and stop it. But I can't always. Especially if I'm tired, I think it's autism that drives it. I only have mild autism but I'm good at mimicking people. And copying anything. I'm not very original as a person. All my music is just s copy paste of something I've heard. My actions and behaviours , again a copy n paste. It's kinda fugged up. Trying to keep it in check tho.

[@Miz-l2c]

A Grateful Dead fan, soooo cool !🤩

[@insidiousmischka]

90% of what Stella says is totally unnecessary/pointless or with a really bad timing. She interrupts and derails. It’s annoying AF. I wish only Sasha did these interviews.

[@maryannzanoff9446]

Not nice. I don’t agree.

[@insidiousmischka]

@@maryannzanoff9446 my opinions are often not nice. So what? Am I only allowed to have and voice “nice” opinions? 🤣🤣🤣

[@Rashy225]

She laughs/smiles at everything as well

[@aceee4386]

Im sorry but i just can't with Stella's interviewing style. She often comes off as horrified by the guests experiences which is off-putting, not grounded and sways guest.

[@silviasilverstein]

She isn’t horrified by the guest, she’s horrified by the manipulative and calculated messages-both online and in real life-that’s being pushed onto (and hurting) vulnerable people.

[@aceee4386]

@@silviasilversteinI didn't say she was horrified by the guest. If you read my comment, I said she responds as though she's horrified by the guest's experiences. I'm aware she's not horrified by the guest. She responds to their trauma as though she is horrified almost grossed out. It's a heavy emotion that now you have to manage on topof what you're already going through. They need someone to hold space in a strong, compassionate, neutral way so they can describe what happened. Not have to manage someone else's emotions. Plus Stella interrupts and asks questions that lead the interviewee. Also, she is almost gleeful when she gets a guest who has gone through a wild tumultuous gender journey so she can really get into the details. She's even said so.

[@aceee4386]

@@silviasilverstein I'm aware that these medical procedures are damaging to young people. That's not what I'm debating. Read my comment.

[@rhiannontomlinson9350]

I absolutely love this show and the hard work Stella does with Genspect and her dedication - but I often find myself sad that I have missed out on what could have been a great answer from a guest on a topic that Sasha has questioned them on, or midway through them talking the conversation gets completely redirected. It also feels like sometimes she consistently tries to speed up to certain points in the conversation and I find myself once again sad that they didn't get to finish their point. Adding in questions after Sasha has already asked I often see confuses the guest and leads them forgetting the first question and the point they were initially going to make. But yes all to say I definitely get what you are seeing and feeling!

[@aceee4386]

@@rhiannontomlinson9350 thanks for your thoughtful response. Hopefully she'll see this and accept this as a critique of good faith.

[@spiralvoid45]

im not going to lie, as an AGP myself i find these types of conversations to be the start of what will turn into conversion therapy for AGPs. Shane's framing is all negative as if its bad that your first arousing experience is to picture yourself becoming a woman. These feelings are not harmful to have. All of this suppression he feels like he has to do is in an attempt to be palatable to what society wants him to be and not what he innately wants for himself (the fact it was the first thing he was aroused at reveals this to be a natural part of himself). I feel sad because this guy is essentially subjecting himself to psychological abuse just like an ex gay is by suppressing his homosexuality. In my opinion its channels like this that are fighting against nature in order to force people to conform back to rigid gender stereotypes, which are predominantly man made (aka artifical). This channel tries to pretend that it is trying to compassionately understand AGPs but it is all a facade. The goal is to make people like myself and shane "go away" instead of creating an inclusive society that accepts non harmful quirks/human variation. Stop the AGP-phobia.

[@MysticMom75]

Shane didn’t say his first arousing experiences were based on the idea of becoming a woman. The content he was looking at includes very sexualized, beautiful women coupled with words on the screen about denying masculinity. He was attracted to the images-as any pubescent boy might be-but then the words got in his head and started to manipulate his thoughts. This turned into a compulsion that brought a lot of sadness, and heartache, and near self-destruction to Shane. Getting out of any sort of addiction or compulsive behavior is a good thing. In many ways it has nothing to do with what anyone thinks about the concept of AGP. (I’m pretty sure Shane is Not AGP, anyway.) Shane was stuck in unhealthy behaviors and he found a way to take control of his life and now he feels he has a beautiful life filled with love and meaning. That’s the point of this story.

[@spiralvoid45]

@@MysticMom75 No. He specifically says his first experience was watching the movie at 12:02 where the first thought occurred to which he then decided to look up "boy turns into girl". Porn had nothing to do with that first inclination that he had and its the same story for me, i was dressing in girl clothing at 6 years old in the 90s without having any internet access. It could have been from a painting, a tv show, a news paper article or in public that one discovers the concept... are we going to outlaw all forms of media and behavior's that pertain to gender bending? AGPs look at feminizing content because its shameful and embarrassing to admit that if you could have things your way, you'd wish to be a girl if you had the option. It's the only outlet for gender dysphoria to express itself, the taboo of it gets sexualized when expressed in a vacuum. This explains why even after males transition, the desire to be women still persists. I wish Shane the best and have no ill will towards him, its awful to be born with this sexuality when a good chunk of society wants people like us to disappear, it causes alot of mental and psychological damage to treat us as sick and defective males. There needs to be more empathy and compassion for males who wish to live out the life they desire, so long as they aren't harming others.

[@MysticMom75]

@@spiralvoid45 Shane said the movie scene inspired curiosity, not arousal. But I do empathize with you, if you are in pain. However, perhaps you should spend some time researching women in Afghanistan. If you think society wants people like you to disappear just imagine being an actual woman in many places around the world. So unless you enjoy the feeling of society treating you like you are sick and defective, then I don't think you'd very much like being a woman in many places in the world. I, for one, don't want people like you to disappear. I want people to not fetishize the experience of womanhood. I could care less about gender bending. I could care less about cross-dressing. Even most drag (in appropriate venues) is totally fine with me. Men who turn women's body parts, pain, processes, into a fetish; or men who seek to control women by claiming to BE women; or men who want to take away our words that we use to define and describer ourselves, these things are not okay with me. I can empathize only so much.

[@christinadodd5780]

Maybe you should contact Gender-a wider lens and see if they'll interfere view. It'd be interesting to see more AGP's opinions about it.

[@spiralvoid45]

@@christinadodd5780 there's to much risk involved with speaking openly about being AGP, its not worth the risk in my opinion. Im happy to engage with people in the comments though.

[@KramRemin]

Also, why do people wring their hands so much over porn? Thinking diagnostically, porn is the greatest thing ever! Pron is literally the MRI/X-RAY of the soul. I DROWZE through Christian groups, when they're trying to get us to talk about how Joshua fit the battle of Jericho or whatever. THE WHOLE ATMOSPHERE becomes electric, tho, when, a few sessions in, a dude opens up and tells us about the kind of porn he REALLY likes. That's the moments I live for, that I go to group for. NOW WE KNOW who the dude actually is, and where his (secret) energy is going. When a dude shares about his pron, he's putting his WHOLE SOUL out on the table. So no, I don't encourage a hand-wringing attitude towards porn. You must imagine me as a dentist, poking around with the little pick, until I find out where the HOT NERVES are . . . !

[@ApacheMagic]

Why?

[@KramRemin]

@@ApacheMagic If your account had any content, I could try giving you a reply that would fit into your world-view. But I don't see that you have one.

[@lucydayLucida]

I'd love to attend a group like that. Must be riveting.

[@KramRemin]

As a veteran of 3 years of post-gay work, it's a very different experience when a young man talks about his feminine side AMONG MEN, that is, in a group of 100% men . .. and when it's a mixed group. What happens, typically, in a mixed group, is that a young man begins talking about the LITTLE emptiness inside him as a male (typically we have to listen to imagery of exciting male role models, with the legit male role-modeling all mixed up with the sexual feelings, and, at the physical level, butt-feelings, squirming around in the chair, fantasies of passive anal sex, of being HELD and TOLD WHAT TO DO, etc) and these things would be handled WITH DISCRETION among men, helping the young man find the space where he is A LITTLE BIT open to the older male shaping-force, but not so much as to become a GANYMEDE . . . . BUT IF THERE ARE WOMEN PRESENT, then, (unfortunately) the women tend to respond to the young man with woman-to-woman (!) emotionality, RESONATING with the huge internal emptiness which is the essential defining feature of woman. These women -- and, yes, there is a certain sort of woman who hangs out at these groups, enjoys working with the younger men and being around them, a woman who thinks of herself as a GOOD CHRISTIAN WOMAN, a woman with ZERO ABILITY to talk about Cybele and Attis -- seeing the emotional openness of the younger male, they LET LOOSE with their own female emotionality, so that the younger man is sucked into the void, forced to RESONATE with the consuming (vaginal, uterine) emptiness of the woman with the goddess-needs, which Christianity does not allow her to express or understand. It's a fascinating dynamic to watch . . . for someone like me who is deeply interested in goddess-phenomenology, for poetic purposes of representing Cybele & Attis. For the young men, no, it's a ripping open of the wound that needs to heal, one more MISSED OPPORTUNITY to discover how MEN process these feelings. It is a MISTAKE to run a group this way. Group-Leaders should be alert to such dynamics, and HEAD THEM OFF AT THE PASS. (Of course, by and by, it'll be more a matter of the young man gaining the skills to negotiate where he'll be emotional and where he won't, on his own.) And then, if you should MENTION to such a woman that the Christian girls (sitting right there on the OTHER side of the circle of chairs!) who are suffering with Lesbian (" I NEED YOU, MRS BUTTERWORTH!") imagery could REALLY USE some of that goddess energy . . . BOOM! it all dries up. Shuts down. NOT INTERESTED. The huge, life-giving breasts that WERE SO PRESENT a minute ago, when there was young man available for FORCED FACE-FEEDING (Latin IRRUMATION) are absolutely gone. So that's why I kind of feel like that sort of woman is "getting something out of it," when she makes a presence of herself in post-gay groups. . . . There's a woman-to-woman giving which needs to happen (Demeter & Persephone!) but which can't happen in Christian groups, as there's no Demeter & Persephone imagery permitted. What I see going on ("in the eyes!") is that the boys LOOK ATTRACTIVE to Mrs Christian-Goddess-Woman . .. but the girls who come to the group with lesbian-flavored neediness . . . they don't look that attractive to Mrs. Christian-Goddess-Woman. Me, I'm a poet and a Jungian. When a female group leader who has been struggling with Lesbianism for years shares a BIG GODDESS DREAM with the group, I'm quite moved. (And I can see how much SHE is moved.) And yet, for the Bible-heads, any discussion of what the goddess dreams mean for women with Lesbianism, (much less, what goddess dreams mean to boys with "Can't Leave Mother without Zeus pulls me away" type imagery!) is . .. A GREAT BIG NO-GO ZONE.

[@silviasilverstein]

I feel like I just witnessed (or read, rather) someone having a psychotic break-via a KZbin comment.

[@KramRemin]

@@silviasilverstein Content-less bot.

[@mistressofstones]

Emptiness isn't within me as a woman, it was there as a young traumatised person, but in my womanhood my centre is full, warm and glowing. Are you talking about a gynaecological sense? Because there isn't a great deal of actual empty space in a woman, everything shrinks up when not in use. You're so funny 😁

[@silviasilverstein]

@@KramRemin Funny you say that…because when I went to your page, the exact message I got was, “this channel doesn’t have any content.” I guess that now makes two “content-less bots.” Best wishes, 🤖

[@KramRemin]

@@silviasilverstein www.youtube.com/@mrminer071166