"so don't give up hope." THANKFULLY I HAVEN'T BECAUSE OF THIS CHANNEL!!!!!
@Sarah-with-an-H3 ай бұрын
This channel is giving me a small amount of hope, but I realize it's going to be a tough road.
@jaynepearson6037 Жыл бұрын
Narcissism = a system gone wrong
@KB-jr9bd Жыл бұрын
Thanks for creating these informative and compassionate videos on pathological narcissism. The idea that I am a narcissist has lingered in the back of my head for years now, but it had always carried a sense of fear and shame that never allowed me to confront it fully. I often put it off because I think I’m not grandiose, or I try not to externalize these conflicts because I hate hurting and bothering others, but fundamentally this idea of a disordered self concept is exactly what I have been struggling with. I really appreciate how compassionate and thorough your explanations of narcissism are, it helps me get out of the assumption that calling myself a narcissist is the same as condemning myself to being an irredeemable person, which I think had kept me stuck in denial for so long.
@mollyg.energy6491 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for being vulnerable. I was thinking the same thing .. about how these videos explain narcissism with objectivity and compassion. This is much needed. When a survivor of narcissistic abuse can view the one whonhurt them in a compassionate way, they pull themselves out of victimhood.
@The_NutritionChef8 ай бұрын
Deeply grateful to have found your page. Thank you for breaking the stigma of this disorder!
@Soprano16382 ай бұрын
I was listening to to gain insight into npd development mechanisms, to try and neutralise some of the bad feeling, but just ended up feeling upset at the torture I endured and feelings of shame and anger I still carry, thanks to my NPD stepfather emotionally abusing me from age 7
@GraciousSpirit0014 ай бұрын
Dr. Ettensohn, I loved this. It makes so much sense. If you still are reading these comments I'd like to share. I completed the exercise of what i consider my "self". To my surprise, I found that I am not my accomplishments, my hobbies, my career or relationships. I am the sum of my own unique life experiences. That is what makes me a unique individual, and the same is true for any other person. No one's journey is the same as anyone else's. That is what a "self" means to me. Our relationships can change, our jobs, our hobbies, our beliefs too. But the while of our life experiences adds to who we are. They shape and build us into who we are. If we can all learn to value our individual life journeys, I think it would promote more healing in the world. God bless everyone on this channel. Thank you for your work. It's helped me so much.
@ange7422 Жыл бұрын
Loved this! Especially the mental pictures you paint. How the self can expand and retract depending on seasons of one’s life and who is in their life. The idea of a house that feels disjointed because of the different styles or eras of furniture. I could really picture it. You really find a beautiful way to explain very abstract concepts.
@healnpd Жыл бұрын
Thanks for watching. 🙂
@attractarattigan3574 Жыл бұрын
From my experience I could no longer live with this person. Still difficult: made me ill then. Well now.
@SusanDelgado11775 күн бұрын
In my 5th year of therapy to undo the damage my narc father inflicted on me. There's no excuse to abusing a child. They get no sympathy from me
@healnpd5 күн бұрын
@susandelgado1177 - I glad you are doing the work to heal. No one here is asking you to have sympathy for someone who hurt you.
@MrWaldynyc10 ай бұрын
Thank you very much for your views, I am separating from my 7.5 year partner now, I believe that he falls in your category of NPD, he has a very difficult time talking about his feelings and has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I will try to share your videos and book with him, but the desire to seek help and recognizing that one needs it, is the first step. Thank you again, I am leaning so much.
@attractarattigan3574 Жыл бұрын
Hi. That was brillent. Describes my live time experience correctly. Though very difficult to live with such a personwhen they refuse help and get reinforcements. Unfortunately I had to leave as my health & well-being deterated from the lifestyle enforced by the 'damaged self' person. And now the aftermath. Thank you so much for your expertise and professionalism. Very much appreciated.
@chaiandmatcha Жыл бұрын
Love your content! Could you make a video on the behavioral pattern of NPD in romantic relationships such as love bombing, devaluation, hot and cold, blameshifting, stonewalling, cheating, then hoovering as if nothing happened? Can and how this kinda pathalogical pattern be healed at all? Having been through the cycle with my ex for a few times (at the time not knowing npd) it seems to me the connection built with an npd is doomed to fail no matter how beautifully it began as the npd lacks resiliency to weather emotional ups and downs (mostly downs) and taking accountability for his own behavior. There was no way to maintain a relationship with my npd ex without taking a tremendous toll on my own psychological wellbeing. In the end, all i could do was to walk away with a broken heart😢
@letalucy644Ай бұрын
Thank you
@cupoftea2957 Жыл бұрын
So helpful, thank you
@XKenny772 жыл бұрын
What can someone with NPD do when the public health system outright refuses to treat them and no properly qualified therapist is in their price range? Why does there appear to be no such thing as self-help for NPD?
@healnpd Жыл бұрын
That's a great question, and one that I think deserves it's own episode. Briefly, I think some self-help for NPD is possible. But I also think that NPD is a disorder rooted in early relational trauma, and that the best way to correct some of the deficits caused by that trauma is through a corrective therapeutic relationship.
@LouisevonMontfort28 күн бұрын
Can you maybe do a video on how to lessen the core feelings of shame and humiliation?
@steffidas478510 ай бұрын
yes it is the most distorted version of self and being proud of distorted self, what i used to believe wrong was i am is destructive what i learned is more destructive is i deserve because when you say i am there is a very small probability of seeing who you are when you say i deserve i don't know what's lying behind that
@innerwestie14462 ай бұрын
The person with npd can seek therapeutic help with their disorder. Those people are often overtly successful and have above average incomes. Meanwhile the people they are systematically abusing and often destroying should leave as no one deserves abuse.
@healnpd2 ай бұрын
@innerwestie1446 - While pwNPD can be charming and successful, they can also be depressive, introverted, and consumed with self-doubt or self-loathing. I have treated both presentations in my practice, as well as many variations in between. The stereotype of financial success in NPD largely comes from two sources. The first is the NPI, which has been used in 3/4 of all narcissism research for the last 35+ years. The NPI has been shown to measure a variant of narcissism that is low in actual psychopathology and high in self-confidence and other qualities often associated with success. The NPI arguably does not actually measure mental illness. The second source is public fantasy and misconception caused by conflating the false self image that many pwNPD seek to project with the actual reality of NPD. Remember that NPD is a personality disorder. It is a form of mental illness associated with moderate to severe coping deficits and problematic interpersonal patterns…not exactly a recipe for sustained success. Thanks for watching.
@innerwestie14462 ай бұрын
Well I guess their victims just have to stay with them and be abused.
@healnpd2 ай бұрын
@innerwestie1446 - Two things can be true at the same time. It can be true that NPD is a mental illness that results in significant distress and dysfunction for many people who have it. It can also be true that some people with NPD abuse those in their lives. No one deserves to be abused or mistreated. But we also don’t need to throw an entire population of mentally ill people in the garbage in order for personal pain and abuse to be valid.
@AlastorTheNPDemon2 жыл бұрын
Give me a minute to jot these down... *Experience of being "self":* I define "me" by the sentiments and idioms I identify with, while rejecting shameful ideas and sentiments. The problem is, these change with both the day and present environment, as doubts mount per the standard passage of time. There are a few stable ones though, and I use fictive introjected characters (such as Alastor here) as focal points for my identity. If I don't talk to other people, my mind will spiral into total confusion and rip the idea of "me" to shreds. Otherwise, we can nail "me" down to my physical presence. *Boundaries of self experience:* I'm not sure I understand the question. I think therefore I am, so you might call me a Cartesian dualist who views my meat suit (including my nerve impulses) as an external object and accordingly subject to external factors that are not always under my control. The A8 attachment style of "externally assembled self" is quite strong in my life, and one which I fight incessantly by isolating myself in contrast to a group. I know all too well that I need to keep track of my reputation with everyone because they are all witnesses to my presence and are living recordings of my affairs. Very tiresome. *Important Introjects:* Most of the one-liners I remember are hostile ones, sadistic ones, those which doubt me, and those which drive me to cynicism. Other than that, I get the impression that a lot of common cultural sayings are used to undermine my efforts. My upbringing was hardly a birth on the beaches of Normandy during the Allied invasion in 1944, but I remember declaring at a young age that I had an unhappy childhood and joked that I "was abused as a child" in high school. Once again, I would decide against an official line on an NPD diagnosis, but needing constant external "good things" (like psychoactives) is not a legitimate or sustainable lifestyle.
@jainorr49154 ай бұрын
Dr, I noticed that my ex spouse’s eyes used to go all shark-like and empty when he went into a rage - do you know what I’m talking about ? It used to scare me so much cause it looked like he wasn’t himself anymore 😰
@Thenamelessnarcissist2 жыл бұрын
so this got me thinking, I've noted the profound similarities between vulnerable narcissistic states and Borderline PD pathology, and I was curious if theres any real difference in the internal experience between someone in a vulnerable narcissistic state and someone with BPD? When I was in a really bad spot I was diagnosed with comorbid BPD due to my presentation in the moment, but I always dismissed that as the clinician at inpatient having a poor conception of pathological narcissism. Do you have any opinions on this? Thank you for your time and the video
@healnpd2 жыл бұрын
Hi Nameless, I think my next podcast or video will address the differences.
@MsMirror Жыл бұрын
I've wondered this too. The similarities really make things confusing.
@zeddeka Жыл бұрын
@@MsMirror This is where the DSM really isn't very good. It tries to shoehorn a lot of traits into personality disorder boxes that are often reductive. The ICD (the system used in most countries) has now abolished all the old personality disorders. Instead, it records the various traits that a person has in a dimensional model. It allows for a much more holistic approach than the DSM.
@daisybrown3819 Жыл бұрын
Love this 🎉
@User-uw7uw Жыл бұрын
So how do I heal this and find a sense of self without relying on other people’s validation? Do this mean that I am doomed to a lifetime of suffering if I don’t find positive people who are willing to reassure me and show up for me all the time??
@Loveisaverb2022 Жыл бұрын
Love yourself first and you will find the validation comes organically. Be ok with your imperfections and strive to do better... no one is expected to be perfect even those who raised us had their imperfections. set goals you would like to achieve and if you do just one thing on the list give yourself a reward a pat on the back. Heck if you wake up and survived that day give praise. Validate yourself! Of all you’ve been through you deserve it. it’s ok to be be grateful you aren’t in the the environment that shaped you. Allow yourself to feel. Let god take the shame so that you can live the life you deserve. I hope that helps
@sweepapawahpaxtan227410 ай бұрын
it can also b character disordr
@karinaandersen2235 Жыл бұрын
Thanks
@healnpd Жыл бұрын
Welcome 🙂
@christopheriwaniuk2589 Жыл бұрын
So informative,helpful. I thought thath narcissism is incurable. My parents, brother and sister and myself are like that.
@martazuchowska7008 Жыл бұрын
Wonderful, thank you so much. Can you please tell more how to fill that feeling of emptiness, how to learn to be alone without other people. What are the good methods? What person aith covert narcissism can do for yourself without therapist to handle step by step own empty feelings of self? Thank you
@healnpd Жыл бұрын
Hi Marta - Great questions. Have you watched my video titled “Why narcissists feel empty inside?” That one addresses the empty feeling more specifically. Another good one to watch is “The power of acceptance.” Thanks for your support. 🤗
@user-wy4sr7dt2g Жыл бұрын
Could you please explain the differences between a Malignant NPD and Psychopath. Thank you
@healnpd Жыл бұрын
I have a video that breaks down malignant narcissism on my channel. You might find that helpful. 😊
@user-wy4sr7dt2g Жыл бұрын
@@healnpdThank you. I appreciate your quick reply. I look forward to watching your recommended video.
@LaVerdad652 жыл бұрын
This is wrong. Narcissism is when people are mean to me
@jessiew41032 жыл бұрын
Lololol
@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE2 жыл бұрын
😂
@photina782 жыл бұрын
🤣
@ange7422 Жыл бұрын
😂 some of the best jokes are just so simple but true
@MsMirror Жыл бұрын
Lol
@foxiefair123Ай бұрын
I felt seen alright. Seen as a fat child.😂
@Wasp239 Жыл бұрын
Narcissists shouldn't have children.
@alpha587311 ай бұрын
most are unaware so they dont even notice
@SusanDelgado11775 күн бұрын
@@Wasp239 💯
@denises3779 Жыл бұрын
Can we stop calling this a disorder when the person is chosing to be hell on Earth. That's like calling being a crackhead a disease when a person made the choice to do the drug. We have too many excuses for ppl being evil.
@healnpd Жыл бұрын
You may not like it, but mental illness is a real thing. Mental disorders cause disordered behavior. Dependence on crack cocaine is a valid disorder that can be measured on both a psychological and physiological level. You don’t have to believe in science or medicine or psychology, but it doesn’t make them any less real.
@denises3779 Жыл бұрын
@Heal NPD it's not a disorder so now we're applauding bad behavior
@healnpd Жыл бұрын
If you are referring to your example of a ‘crackhead’ then yes it very much is a valid, diagnosable disorder called Substance Use Disorder.
@alpha587311 ай бұрын
@@denises3779 I dont see where its being applauded, its getting a fair view of the villainized. its ignorant to not see both sides