I think what u r saying is I can't be a therapists

Thank you for this.

Amazing. Absolutely amazing how I could live with someone for 20 years and not know what those illness is. Terrifying. Thank you for your knowledge, it's spot on.

They can't see it. But if they somehow do they won't care. In fact, it's your fault and therefore didn't do anything wrong. In fact you deserve this treatment for your failings to them and they are the real victim.

This is a fantastic explanation! Thank you so much.

I would love to see narcissistic therapy success rates.... i bet its near zero

12:15 i think this may be why they are perceived as charismatic... they project their ego onto others (wants, needs etc) and weak people are drawn in.

This is a good explanation

Don't for a second listen to this explanation and feel sorry for these "people". They will destroy you and move on to suck other people dry.

Ive seen the narcissistic wound rafe first hand a few days ago. Theres a demon inside. You see it in the eyes. They want to dominate and destroy. That is not your child, sibling or parent. That is a skinwalker.

The narcissist son who never bonds with his sister or mom. Only ever superficial conversation, usually as a platform to boast about a minor or illegal accomplishment, and only ever giving a small hug when they want to be forgiven quickly so they dont have to listen to your whining and they can continue doing what they want. Because they will do whatever they want.

I am groupstalked by a group of narcissistic type people who want to scapegoat me for something and feel hurt by my very existence or presence but seek me out and set traps. I seek them out bc I am an avoidant quiet borderline and I need to prove that I am good enough to be loved by them bc somehow I take on every stigma in my private life. Every bad trait. I just own it like a shield, just to see if the person would see that i am not and to make the other person feel morally safe. Or maybe they do the same and we misunderstand each other. I doubt. For them i am the perfection they need to tarnish to they could validate their jaded views. From me they get the kick of being the moral victim they believe they are, probably because they dont understand why they are so alone either. I'm not sure if I feel like a victim. I don't accept that mentality and I sure need to have some protective narcissistic traits (or maybe ethnic qualifiers) to keep all of this together under duress. As nonbinary but also conscious of my upbringing and origins i am the victim the villain and a hero. So I dont need to blame others for what happens. I see how people would jump on every opportunity to exploit me (my story persona and reputation) and that is how this happened. I let them bc I wanted to be surprised by peoples capacity to love under the most impossible characterological and contextual conditions, and I still believe it is possible once we all acknowledge that we are all responsible for this and that this can be see through a prism, which was my queer prison in America where I had no privacy, just as my childhood was. The unbarable abusive intimacy with no boundaries and no accountability. The opposite of free and conscious of my own rebellious and aided self destruction while maintaining a balancing act. It seems that the only way to understand anything that happened is to just take all responsibility for everything that happens, If it wasn't that bad when I was a child then this is also walk in the park. At least i feel that i am strong enough now and have a birdseye view of the the sham of society and own my part in it. I think I would do enough anywhere. I am a star and a black hole when you take away all the bullshit labels. And that's what this place is all about. Not about learning what people can be, but about creating ways and determining what people are, bc when you know what people are you have a way to control and exploit them. My stalkers are also victims, of not taking the responsibility to change what they don't accept about themselves and if that's the perception of themselves, they needed to be a lot more humble and vulnerable with me to show that they are safe to love. I know that's what they want we all do. But we look in impossible ways.

Wow the propaganda is propagandandian

I loved someone who my psychiatrist suspects was a narcissist. He left me suddenly under difficult personal circumstances for him. It is heartbreaking… there is nothing I can do to reach him.

I find this very insightful, useful and well explained. I am concerned about the use of primarily female pictures to illustrate this pathology. While cruel mothers may well be examples of malignant narcissism who then go on to create this pathology in their children, as the speaker himself notes the description of this pathology was first inspired by Adolph Hitler. Other contemporary autocratic leaders come to mind and have indeed been identified by clinical psychologists as malignant narcissists. While I understand not wanting to inflame the issue by including images of controversial political figures I do think that an image of an evil male ruler would offer a good balance. Since fairy tales tend to present us only with kindly kings (or princes) I guess that imagery would have to be sought outside that realm but could easily be found in more contemporary stories. Hannibal Lecter comes to mind.

Mark, I can't thank you enough for your work. You gave me hope and made me see that my wife's growth after what I identify as a narcissistic collapse is real and not an act.

The Narcissists I know never learn by their Mistakes. They blame Everyone Else for their Mistakes ! It's best to avoid them like the Plague ! Because Narcissists are so Miserable that they drag me Down ! Narcissists are a Lot different if you have to live with them, than seeing them as a Psychiatrist for Half an Hour or so !

All the Narcissists I have ever met had no idea about anything ! They go insane if you tell them anything at all. So they never learn anything ! They hate Everyone and they think they are Superior ! A Narcissist I know told me his version of the History of World War 2 because he watched the Film Kelly's Heroes ! He has the Entire World at War Boxed Set, but he never Watches it ! It's impossible for him to Understand it.

Experts telling the rest of us what is acceptable and what is not sounds more like a parent.

All the content that vilifies NPD without focusing on the mental illness is not even useful for victims. Maybe a mental health professional validating your feelings by labelling the person that’s put you through hell as mean, evil, demeaning, arrogant has some benefit. But for some of us that just somehow translates to traits you can love and educate someone out of, probably also because of culture, after all, some of those villains do end up showing a somewhat warm heart by the end of the story. If you learn about someone that they are currently suffering from a psychotic disorder, you have empathy but understand that you will need to manage the relationship, reduce it if possible, if not you make sure they take their medication and don’t engage with unrealistic expectations. And it’s not because they are evil but it’s because you can’t rely on them to perceive the environment in a way that you and the majority of people can make sense of. Why is it that even when we know that someone is very likely to have NPD we can’t let go of our own unrealistic expectations. I think a reason is the focus on the superficial manifestation. I don’t think people suffering from NPD are intentionally evil, but they can cause immense harm and telling a victim that they are manipulated, humiliated, taken advantage of, as true as it may be, is not by far as helpful as telling them that the person that’s doing it doesn’t even have the control necessary to stop and hoping that you can love them out of their disorder is similar to hoping that you can love someone out of a psychotic disorder. Not to mention the focus on the grandiose presentation, which is nowhere near as harmful as the sense of guilt and sense of responsibility that the vulnerable presentation casts on the victim. I also think that people that say NPD sufferers are basically just entitled, demeaning jerks just haven’t really seen it in the wild. These misconceptions not only fail NPD sufferers but also the victims.

You are the first mental health professional I have heard say (paraphrasing) that the person with NPD is a victim also. I feel the same way. I wish there were focused guidance for (or a study of) NPD partner-victims who do not blame their partner.... and who, knowing this, don't want to move on and leave them behind. They are hurting, too. In some ways, more than we are. We were able to climb the wall. Through no fault of their own... not everyone is.

i actually think you and dr ramani disagree you might just be missing the points where she explains that the choice to not engage empathy starts off as a choice but can become pathological over time.

This video is so good that it literally hurts to listen to. As someone who started a collapse almost a year ago, I've gotten used to the idea that things hurt and things are shameful. The truth. The truth is the thing that hurts and is shameful. That's the reality. When someone can speak the truth this clearly, it hurts. But that's nothing new. Having things hurt are all a part of collapse. They're a part of trying to get back to authentic feelings, and nothing is more authentic than that pain and that shame that comes with a collapse. Thank you for this video. When you first published it, I had a critique but the truth is that was just my narcissism protecting me. Or trying to protect me. Thank you for working so hard to tell the truth over and over and over again. It might seem like someone in your position is bound to tell the truth but that's not my experience when it comes to experts and psychologists and therapists. NPD has a truth that not many are willing to explore. You are willing. I think all of us appreciate that.

She put rats poison in my glass while she was in a collapsed state. People out there are exposed to live in the same environment in good faith an not knowning what is going on, maybe when is too late or maybe you don't have the money to escape or you have been brought up surrounding by the confusion you are describing. Can you imagine what amount of dissonances you have in your mind? The point is how people around the NPD can save themselves at least... We need tools of understanding to loosen the letan enmeshment ans save our precious hearts and mind in a way that is clear and neutralizing their messing behavior. The amount of pain they cause is almost unbearable

Excellent information I believe.

Thank you

So deep and insightful, thank you!

Hi Dr. How do your patients recognize they have a problem to get diagnosed and get help? I find that my partner will always project and never admit it’s her fault or issue no matter how obvious it is or how outrageous her accusations are.

Did you put a Spoiler Alert for Goldilocks and the Three Bears story? 💀

Thanks so much for sharing this information in a straightforward and compassionate way. Your videos have helped me to better understand a few people I've known whose behaviors align with your descriptions of BPD/NPD. It's refreshing to see someone who doesn't describe them as "evil" or "demons", while still holding them accountable for their behaviors.

Your work is life saving. Thank you for these videos.

Superb technical content.

I think this is excellent technical content.

I am reading Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore. I would invite anyone to read his take on the myth of Narcissus. He works with Jungian psychology and mythological symbolism to illustrate his analysis. I have worked long and hard to be able to see people with certain forms of narcissism, with eyes of compassion. They must be very sad, lonely and unfulfilled. What a terrible way to go through life, missing the most rewarding aspects of the human experience. There is a friend who means a lot to me that may exhibit some features of the type of narcissism that Dr. Ettensohn describes. He does not intentionally hurt people other than himself (IMO, self-sabotaging actions, not direct self-harm) but some of the other aspects seem to fit. I sense in him a tremendous need for love but unable to truly accept it. One day I asked him if he was more afraid to give love or to accept love...he danced around it but generally denied any fear. I have known him for 3 1/2 years and the best I can do is to keep showing up for him consistently. There are addiction and other mental health issues at play here, but one would need a comprehensive approach to treatment and to be a willing participant.

Welp, I'm hooped.

So close to borderline. How can you even tell the difference.

tRumps father destroyed the more sensitive son but created a son who magnifies him by 10 x

So you just described tRump?

Even though narcissists lack insight, if they are made aware, some frequently weaponize the stated vulnerability.

Deserve love or deserve to not be constantly told you're not good enough? Trouble is many of their criticisms were valid, just 1 hell of a delivery problem!

If you erase the "?" sing, what narcissits rage causes is VERY SERIOUS post traumatic estress syndrom in their victims This is why we don't care a shit about their suffering. We are trying to survive. We can't even forgive because it's not personal. It's about the role they choose for you.

No. They hace NO attachment style, whit people that can not be depredated. In money, sex or power. NO. They don't need be seen and loved by people. Just by the people they choose because of existencial envy

Parents soothing me that's a funny concept more like gl hf I also notice they call them selves it too. Why use it? Why don't they ever go to therapy why is it almost always I don't need that / nothing wrong. Why do kids e,pirencing it go to therapy and parents don't / won't. Thanks helpful.

omg Finally....been trying to understand all of this based on my experiences with one person. I always thought to myself , what special kind of narcissist is this?, which left me confused. Before this video, the traits of my ex person was falling outside the lines of what so many other videos talked about. So now it all makes sense. The person i knew was sick, the person i knew was vulnerable, they are falling apart and suicidal and not eating, abusing substances. Though i no longer have contact, i haven't been mad from all their deceptions and lies for a while. Mostly impressed and fascinated which is dark. At some point compassion came over me and even more so now after this video. I'm glad i was smart enough to move on but i never stopped wanting to help them. The funniest thing i ever did was to give unconditional love to a narcissist, boy did they love that lol. limitless full blown energy supply. i look back to the first red flags, i never knew narcissism existed like this in someone so seemingly nice. i never saw this coming cause it was sooooo not obvious and the person was hurting more than acting grandiose...Can these people ever be helped for real? or is it a unchangeable/fixable illness? the whole thing has been mindblowing to experience from this woman. what a teacher and limitless muse to my art, harsh lessons for sure tho. in hindsight she gave me a lot, she didn't do all the taking, lol.

Fascinating and calmly presented material. Thank you for this.

Very good explained.!!!

Are there any recovered narcs here?

I met another mother at my childs bus stop And over time we got to know each other One day she was over to my place and enjoying each others company She was letting me know about her living arrangements with her mother and sister Her sister was guardian of both her mom and her It turns out that she was developly delayed her brain ceased to develop i think around 13/14 Like actually stopped she was legally not considered able to fully be responsible for her self And since then I basically think of a lot of people in this way Truly I think there's an epidemic of undigenoused developmently delayed people out here

I personally think you're both right.

So what do we do now that we have an Orange King?