Why Day Dreams Get In Your Way

[@xerox1084]

Man is this a slap in the face. I've been daydreaming about a short film that I'm writing instead of actually working on it because I'm so worried about the end goal. Thank you for the work you do.

[@RealLifeMassMultiplayerRPG]

i wrote 14 000 lines last 10 years. next fear is shining and publishing ! or 10 year of guitar to realise my pathetic redundant recording wont sell a single penny and those enjoying for free is by the 50ish max on 10 year, ego trip of number. endless. but my writing and drawing are better and i push music? i was stupid and unefficient for years ! but i love the 3 so whatever we all die , who care if im popular rich or not :D hehe

[@dreamingacacia]

look, you're "visualizing" your "possibilities" so that you can "consider" which is the best for your plan.

[@ethanjamestodt]

Problem with filmmakers and filmmaking is we have to find a balance between daydreaming and doing. The job obviously comes with a decent amount of daydreaming, but also a lot of real world doing and tangible perseverance

[@zaidanhakim4974]

@@Tocinos im on the same boat for the last 6 years of writing lol. But i believe a good story is heavily edited rather than comes in spontaneity. I have done tons of new stories (which nothing is complete but mostly the idea is complete and concrete), I could say I improved so much coming from a guy writing spontaneously unfiltered idea out of joy. I did alot of rewriting story to keep it connected and keep it what I intended to be. For experience, I did planning with a worksheet of the fundamentals several times, it didn't help as much as I expected (later on i just out of track lol) but it is helpful to make things more consistent, to give you a baseline. KZbin's tips are also helpful for improving alot in my case. For me, backtracking the characters is a must do task, a top priority along with correcting the plot. Characters mean everything in a story to me, characters define its story

[@jcmm99]

As someone who makes music I find myself always thinking about making music but a lot of times not actually doing it either

[@Omnihilo]

32:40 “I lived my life today aligned with the person that I want to be”. I cannot explain how much that just helped me. I don’t have to be that person today. But, I can be closer to her than I was yesterday. Epiphany unlocked.

[@aayzee3138]

This makes so much sense, that feeling is unmatched.

[@XTen1000DaysX]

I like it to, when you think this and don't know what to do next, ask yourself "what the next best thing I can do going forward right now?" Then do it!

[@cozyboytro]

Going to start watching one healthy gamer video every few days when I’m at the gym. Sage advice!

[@Phylloscopustrochiloides]

Yeah, that line really resonated with me too. A great affirmation, a great item to incorporate into one's self-affirmation practice.

[@abrahamloch8682]

Yessss good luck with being that person bruh

[@MrEltondelux]

While I was watching this video, I was daydreaming about leaving the most heart felt and emotional comment to this video about how much it hits home wit me. All of you were showering me with thumbs ups and I felt seen and understood.

[@sowhat9725]

Meanwhile i was daydreaming that i sent this video to someone having severe MDD and they thanking me for helping them out and now I'm cool coz I watch these kinda mature content.

[@warofouro9616]

I like that you admitted this

[@WallarooonCaffeine]

your sense of situational irony is appreciated

[@SOLO.SHAD0W-HAWK]

Good, now let's get outta here. We got stuff to be doing.

[@thesevenkingswelove9554]

Imfao same.. The fact that i also daydream stupid things means I need to change this habit fast

[@zacharygrais]

It’s never too late to start. Thinking about the time already lost in your head, that “lost potential” is just another way to put you back into the cycle.

[@renscherlmohn3836]

Exactly, don't waste too much time thinking about the past. What happened has happened and there is no way to change it, and it makes no sense to lament about something that you cannot change. Focus on the future and especially on the immediate future, think about today.

[@JoeMama-hf4xh]

If you never start it eventually will be too late

[@ChoiReim]

This is me with art.. i really want to give up because yeah! It’s hard! However i already regret not starting before so I’m not going to regret it now! When I find myself daydreaming I’ll snap out of it and get back to editing and drawing because that’s who i want to be, i want to be an artist..

[@zacharygrais]

@@ChoiReim good luck on your journey friend :)

[@erebus728]

I've daydreamed most of my life away. I feel so incredibly lost. Thank you for the videos you make.

[@renscherlmohn3836]

I am the same, you don't even know how many years I have wasted with daydreaming my life away, but I will change that now.

[@hushmychild6745]

Me too. What an age we live in, huh.

[@Maniahg]

as depressing as your comment is, it's kinda comforting at the same time knowing I'm not alone with it

[@carlgrant6109]

I know what that is like. I'm 36 and have skipped life for thousands of different daydreams. But NOW I must stop. I'm tired of it.

[@Danny-ux1il]

@@carlgrant6109 One day at a time bro'. One minute at a time if that is all you can do. You don't set a goal of being present for the next 40 years; you decide to sit with negative emotions now and do something right today. When you are my age - in 40 years - you can look back at what you have accomplished. I can't. I can only look to today and not waste another day.

[@xe2014]

“And when progress becomes a failure in our mind, that’s when we’re screwed “ -Doctor. K

[@renscherlmohn3836]

I really like that quote

[@sowhat9725]

My maladaptive daydreaming is that worse that i pause the video to run scenarios that I'm helping out someone with their MDD and they thanking me and now I'm cool because I watch these kinda mature content.

[@oghord_the_cat]

i have very similarly themed daydreams too, like daydreaming about what its like to function with peak mental performance

[@Snapchat-Shorts88]

Same thing 😂

[@Ragini____]

I thought I am the only one 😅

[@Ragini____]

Also I tend to self talk a lot when I daydream so I look like a mad person talking to air.

[@Eximius_Lex]

I’ve been daydreaming so much over the course of a few years of a story I’m making in my head primarily because it was the only motivator while I was taking medication which was destroying me, both physically and psychologically. I didn’t realize it until about a couple months ago and I thought it was me just growing up. Anyway, I’m feeling better not taking any meds besides vitamins and I’m actually starting to work towards my goal(s), drawing, writing (primarily characters) and being inspired by other peoples work… Sorry this comment didn’t get anywhere, I needed to share stuff because I never do. P.S. I haven’t finished the vid yet. (Will probably add more to say afterward, I didn’t get much sleep)

[@indigo4740]

I feel we are the same people talking. I also have a giant story I've been daydreaming about for almost 10 years. I've written and drawn some stuff here and there over the years but still most of it is all up in my head still and not shown to the world. Good luck on your endeavors. I hope you can share your work with everyone someday

[@dreamingacacia]

for me the past memories shown up in my actual dream and not while I'm daydreaming, well sometimes I just had sequels after I dreamed about something in the past via daydreaming. It's been less frequent lately and I didn't dream about past stuffs for a while now, though mostly my late dreams getting more fantasy or alternate timeline stuffs for example have people I known in the dream and some information about the place or situations I'm familiar with but the visual representation is completely unfamiliar especially places, sometimes the relationship between me and those people are completely off because some people are on bad term with me irl but in the dreams were quite good or some even more intimate. Well everything is getting better after I found some "gifts" left from my past memories.

[@SemekiIzuio]

Hm I like to dream stories too. But I do this on my down time, usually when I'm in bed ready to sleep. It actually helps me to sleep lol it's been years since I've written anything even though I use to d it all the time in my youth highschool and little during college slowly less and less. It's such shame though because once I do fall asleep and start to dreams some dreams give such awesome ideas that I dont write down so their forgotten. I guess this would be fantasizing about an imaginary world with imaginary characters going through hardships lmao never thought of it that way

[@ChoiReim]

i feel the same too, i daydream about all the scenarios I can draw. In fact I’ve been in this comment section for a bit too long and should get back to drawing!

[@subtlevalueart]

I struggle with this so much. At the end of the day, if I've made any progress at all (as little as it may be), I've started putting a little dragon sticker on my calendar. And it's made a HUGE difference. 😊 Reminds me of getting stickers in kindergarten for the little successes. We've got to start somewhere.

[@HelloFellowMellowMarshmallow]

I daydream too much that I barely remember anything at the end of the day

[@dreamingacacia]

sometimes I'm wondering is this a dream? Then I realized if I ask too much I might gotten into existential crisis, so I stopped asking if it's a dream or not and proceed with my life as if everything is my lucid dream.

[@chukah9484]

This totally explains why I can read isekai trash OP fantasies for 16 hours a day for 7 days straight instead of doing any of my goals. That isekai dream world is soo rewarding and easy. Compared to "years" of work!

[@dreamingacacia]

you just 7 days? Mine was 3 months web novels included.

[@salem7503]

Last part is brilliant. In teacher training, a really effective behaviour management for learning is acknowledging positive student behaviour to cultivate a calm classroom environment. Rather than only pointing out disruption.

[@alexbarcovsky4319]

I know right? I was always a day dreamer, gifted child, what have you. Every single time scholded for daydreaming, and only praised for "being smart", which isnt something that I earned or worked towards. Now I have a personality issue of almost never celebrating any achievement in my life (like, I do, but not internally, not truly). Every single achievement instantly makes me think about the next challenge because my taught line of thinking is "im so good, this was easy for me, I didnt even have to try" - whereas in fact, it was a challenge, i put in the work, but my brain just doesnt reward me for it whatsoever. The only thing my brain rewards me for is when I am better than others, when others loose - why? Because thats what I was praised for in school, being smarter than others, thats the only takeaway. Please dont be that teacher. Never tell the smart kid they are smart, instead make them work twice as hard right from the getgo, child wont question it, and they will learn the right practical and mental habits. Its been really tough for me to rewire my brain and its a slow and painful process. I basically had to put parts of my life on hold to just focus on one singular thing and just repeatedly prove to myself that I can put in the work and improve myself, as well as being happy for others when they succeed and help them when they dont. For me its a sport, which is quite unfortunate since at my age of 22 and the career I chose, I couldve been way ahead. Which brings the ticking clock anxiety, and boom, we have a positive feedback loop of anxiety. Might have gone off topic but I really feel like my teachers failed me the most, so I want to help you out for the future.

[@salem7503]

@@alexbarcovsky4319 Thanks for your reply Alex. I too feel my school experiences and relationships with my teachers failed me most, which is why I want to teach and give other people more positive experiences. You raise an interesting point about being praised for "being smart" which you say you didn't earn. My training also points out to praise specific student action, rather than "traits" like "being smart". I hope you find something to celebrate everyday. I'll try to be the best teacher I can be :)

[@alexbarcovsky4319]

@@salem7503 Exactly! I heard on another psychology channel, theramintress (which is mostly about raising children), that seriously one of the worst thing a parent can do to a child is attach traits to them, especially negative ones, but positive ones too. I vividly remember my father always calling me clumsy, I was in tears then when I was actually clumsy at anything. I had to accidentaly (and I mean really accidentaly) find the passion of rock climbing at age 18 to slowly build my confidence in myself troughout the years. I also remember him calling me smart, which backfires to this day, because I cant distinguish between when Im actually utilizing my intelligence or when Im just cocky and arrogant, having a genius level iq really put the nail in the coffin on that one for me. I also dont remember being praised for any action whatsoever, it was always accompanied with a trait. Like 'good job, you are so handy" or "he helped that lady, he is so kind". I feel like paradoxically, the child doesnt construct its own idea of what those virtues are, but only knows the definition - If I do x, it means I am y. Its great stuff and unfortunately really unintuitive to our western culture, where everything needs to be labeled and categorized. I really think we all need to unlearn this in order to raise our children right so they dont have to watch Dr. K and can watch Stranger things instead

[@archaedeos]

I've been slapping shit load of sense into my brain. Every time I catch myself thinking about things like "I didn't accomplish anything", I just tell myself that "I lived another day, had my meals on time and took a shower." That's a hell lot! 🙃 It's a constant struggle but atleast I'm one step ahead of where I used to be. Send out lots of love and hugs to whoever needs it! You're doing great! Just keep swimming!

[@Danny-ux1il]

You have accomplished one other thing today my friend: you have set an example for me. I can do that much too.

[@cosmicprison9819]

Me: “Wishes are vague, goals are specific.” Dr. K.: “Long-term goals aren’t even goals, they’re wishes.” 😂

[@jngk24]

Would you have the time stamp? I don't even remember him saying that lol love this quote

[@cosmicprison9819]

@@jngk24 I think this was a summary in my own words of what Dr. K. expressed here 😉.

[@lowtech42]

"I lived my life today, aligned with the person I want to be." This whole video was profound and right on time, but this line cut onions big time 😭

[@FiguringOutFantasy]

"There are two roads to positive emotion: one is day dreaming and one is doing something about it." Quote like this makes daydreaming seem like the weakest thing you can do. Appreciate this outlook.

[@aliveslice]

30:44 stop avoiding and learn to tolerate negative emotion 31:50 live in the present 32:00 acknowledge your progress

[@goodpotatoe9928]

Words cannot describe how helpful this was, thank you SOOO FUCKING MUCH for making this video. This literally spoke to my soul, this was EXACTLY what I needed help with the most. I've been like this since I could remember- always daydreaming about what I could become and imagining all the possibilities and praise I would get if I mastered a skill or a hobby. My adhd makes this worse- It's very hard for me to manage my time and responsibilities during the day. My unrealistic egotistical day dreams rlly made me feel like any small thing I got done was completely pointless because I knew I would never stick to it everyday- The funniest thing is that these motivational and life videos made my daydreams 10 times worse and ironocally made me get even LESS things done . This for me has been one of the most helpful videos from your channel- hope it blows up and reaches more people.

[@venomousraga]

This is a great video! I find myself procrastinating on things I even enjoy because they remind myself of things I should be doing and this video nailed exactly why that is (future goals gap scaring me away from moving towards anything)

[@dreamingacacia]

talk about procrastination. My attention span is quite short, sometimes 5 minutes or sometimes 15 minutes. Some days I'm getting start to work, I got distracted by stuffs for 2 hours. Luckily I trained myself in such a way that when something distracted me I'll worry about those things first, I slowly got rid of "doom scrolling" after I've seen the patterns in society. It's because those stuffs became boring for me so I got rid of them at the end without struggle. Sometimes it's about the hypothesis in gaming, well the game I'm playing is kinda using a lot of brain processors so I take it as another excercise for my brain. I spent 3hours research about the build I wanted to play and plan the rough sketch one to complete the session. Sometimes random ideas came up while I'm in the middle of working, I worked on that idea instead of the main project, and sometimes it took hours to finish which ended up as me being spent and can't work on the main project anymore. Well most of my stuffs kinda feel productive right? of course they are. If you're procrastinating with unproductive stuffs you might need to question yourself if you're living in denial instead of worrying about procrastination. I mean "denial" is much worse, and you can basically work around with procrastination to fit your lifestyle more.

[@alastorkunn]

Now I'm motivated!

[@Hazard2005]

36yrs old and I've been Day Dreaming my entire life, especially during my childhood when I was at school and it mostly doesn't even involve me but characters/fantasy/scifi stories I've made up...

[@bhumikaarora8267]

this video made me feel so much more comfortable with my past. I was never comfortable talking about the fact that i daydream a lot, even to my therapist because i thought its super lame and ill be judged. But Dr K made me realize that its an emotional coping mechanism which i had developed over the years. "Its okay to feel negative emotions" was probably the biggest takeaway from this video for me because negative emotions are.... normal.. it is we who decide to let the negative emotions administer our behaviour... instead i can just be like, okay, so what? I dont know how to put this into words but i genuinely feel like the real issue has been addressed for the very first time. Im glad i came across this channel

[@ketz_165]

I'm crying right now, I do this all the time. Every time I make progress toward my goal I'll beat myself up and logically it's ridiculous how I shame myself more for working toward my goal and not daydreaming about it or playing a video game. This is so eye opening, thank you.

[@TehGoddamnBatman]

I don't have a daydreaming problem but this video just saved my ass in a different way. I don't mean in a glorious way but literally. There was this certificate program that I've been contemplating for a while, feeling dreadful about it and lately I've indulged in pleasure seeking to deal with that negative emotion and I actually got lost and completely forgot about it. Around mid part of this video I remembered it and decided to check the program's page in panic and saw that today is the application deadline. I applied right away. I might have missed it if it wasn't for this video, seriously

[@sarahlikestreez]

saved

[@BlackMita]

Nice

[@Sunny-tj1mo]

It's scary, how accurate you describe most problems and thoughts. When I watch your videos I mostly end up crying, because I can relate 100 % to these things and hearing that I'm not alone is a relief on it's own.

[@vietnamese_man]

I've had such trouble trying to get myself to be consistent with my workouts and i get stuck in those cycles of motivation, too. That part about refocusing on the present was something I already understood but it really is a gamechanger when you reframe things to 'today I can do it' instead of 'I'll do it for the next month'. I also love that section about positive reinforcement because its something I did sometimes but never really thought about.

[@TheLoneBit]

This actually really help being be from the edge, for now... Right now, my brain is saying that what I am about to type will sounds stupid and cheesy but that's what it always does; So I'm gonna let it do its thing for the moment and type it anyways. This actually came just in time. I do really need to try to integrate the stuff from this video into my life. Some people say that gratitude is a great way to fight back against depression but no one ever explains how to do that... they just say "find something to be greatful for" which just leads any normal person to think of external things. Well, when you have nothing external to be grateful for that just leads you deeper into depression. However, being internally grateful is far better. You at least have some controll over that. Like Dr. K said you need to reflect at the end of the day that you are grateful that you actually tried, ACTUALLY TRIED, to better yourself and that you spent less time TODAY distracting yourself from the pain and actually facing it rather than running away from it.

[@alyasoliman1986]

This is ridiculously helpful, and here I was thinking daydreaming is taking me closer to my goals, because I thought I was ‘visualising’. Thank you SO much!

[@4xzx4]

Daydreaming is like creating mirages in your mind. We get so caught up in those "realities", but when we return to the present, those dreams/whatnot aren't there anymore.

[@phosspatharios9680]

Am I the only one who gets motivated by daydreaming, instead of being distracted by it? I mean, when I daydream, I envision my goals and thus feel motivated to pursue them, and it gives me a feeling of that even the smallest steps are taking me nearer to my objective. There gotta be some kindred soul around here!

[@maeikaa4427]

I definitely feel ya - i mean, when i was too sick to do anything daydreaming was my way of keeping it going for the goals i was going to accomplish! And I am doing them now so yeah :)

[@reddragonflyxx657]

That's pretty much the state this advice should help the OP get to. I think I got into this type of state (I developed other coping methods, but the recommended treatment still applies) via internalizing how others view ADHD symptoms.

[@dreamingacacia]

no, you're not the only one. though I can't say that it's 100% for me. I'm more like Darth Revan which have both light side and dark side, and I'm adept at using both. I called "productive daydreaming" as "visualizing" and "disruptive daydreaming" as "introspection", they have their own uses and values that's why I don't really bother by the fact that I'm daydreaming a lot or even more than most people. Sometimes I even doubt myself as being awake because when I walked it felt like I'm floating around rather than really walk.

[@juliann4592]

I'm no expert, but I assume daydreaming is just another tool our mind has developed. It can be used positively or negatively. What is it exactly? Is it a state of mind that when we are so deep in thought that we are no long in the present? If I am mapping out solutions to work problems, is that considered daydreaming? Or imagining hard conversations I need to have in the future, is that considered daydreaming?

[@dreamingacacia]

@@juliann4592 when you lost the sense of reality in short period of time, normally you can't control how it pans out but with enough obsession toward something you'll be more likely to "see" them. Though in my case I could focus my attention to specific stuffs once I realized that I'm daydreaming, the sense of reality also come back at me quite fast after that.

[@diego7oclock]

whoever asked this question which prompted this video response (and to Dr.K, of course) , THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have no ideia how much this resonated with me and how helpful the response feels. Damn

[@MentalHealthPower]

I used to have maladaptive daydreaming on top of depersonalisation/derealisation + video game addiction + anxiety and depression for 10 years.... I learned how to overcome these things without medication thankfully. Thank you Dr. K for showing everyone the way out of mental health issues. I have been sharing with people on my channel how I did it but you are honestly gifted.

[@peepo641]

Wow I've been daydreaming for like 10 years everyday. I would do that every time I listen to music, every time I'm in the subway, every time I go to bed or after waking up... I did not realize that I do it because I don't want to be in the present... And that it actually makes me less successful. It slows down my progress and it doesn't allow me to deal with my emotions, to process what happened today. Wow... I'm going to add "Stop daydreaming" to the list of things I need to quit, like eating sugar and fapping. Which are also things that I use to not deal with life. fuk man. why is everything so heavy

[@hr3nk]

Man, I am going through exact same thing OP does. What happend to me is that the only mechanism for last 7 years I had for coping with negative emotions was gaming. I was aware about me being not productive, not being able to live up with my own expectations of my own acomplishements, like "i will become good at math by the end of the year". But it never worked. About 5 months ago i almost completely stopped playing videogames, viewing them as a source of me wasting time and not doing anything to really achieve my goals. And then daydreaming came into life. I became so vulnerable to all those negative emotions and I didn't know where to chanell them. This is my literal cycle for last couple months: wake up -> set up unrealistic goals -> daydream about completing all goals -> do 10-30% of what i planned -> beat myself up before going to sleep It gets so bad sometimes that my body starts to block all negative signals, to the point i don't feel or want anything, i just lay on the floor and try to "non-exist". I thought it was depression, drank some medicines, but they didn't really work. Now I can see the picture as a whole, it is really about learning to cope with my negative emotions and positive reinforcement. Thank you very much about this, it really openened my eyes.

[@demonschnauzer1555]

I really appreciate how he reiterates all the information again at the end of the video. Very helpful for my adhd brain.

[@LurkingLinnet]

Wonderful....! Thank you So much!! This channel has helped me immensely on multiple occasions. Grateful!

[@DL-idk]

Journaling helps me a lot. Once I started to lay all my thoughts out on the paper, I begin to see who I am instead of who I thought I was. It helps me to see reality and the things I can improve.

[@nigelcardoso7653]

Where did you learn Journaling?

[@kajiko88]

​@Nigel Cardoso there's a channel called "struthless" that has great videos on how to journal

[@silverbee6690]

I love daydreaming and ruminating. I know however that that they can stand in my way of achieving any goals and ambitions. My problem was similar to one described in the video - I just couldn't get anything done and even if I did something I felt shameful for achieving so little. What I am doing right now is imagining my ability to work towards my goals as a seed or a small plant. I am doing little every day, but I am doing it. I want to water this plant with negative and positive feelings to make it slowly grow bigger. I wonder if I'll succeed (in everyday struggle), but I hope that few concepts from this video will help me. I want work towards my goals and daydream as well as those things are both important to me.

[@sharanya8008]

I have been into a similar loop for a decade now and finally I have a solution that I can try to improve myself. Thank you Dr. K.

[@miss_mikimi]

I watched a lot of videos about daydreaming & my god this one is definitely THE BEST ONE & HELPED ME!!! Thank you soooooooo much!!! You saved a lot of lifes. (Hard spoken.)

[@br88dy]

This is like how you apply enlightenment or awakening to reach your goals. He's trying to get y'all to realize your thoughts are appearances in consciousness, not consciousness itself. You are not your thoughts, just like you are not the song you heard the birds chirping outside. This is what "toleration" of negative thoughts means. They'll appear, but you don't have to identify with them. Or, don't allow your "self" to make such a big deal out of them. "Difficult" work has no character or personality, it is not sentient. Let the negative thoughts arise and pass away without clinging to them.

[@Amanwiza]

How are you not a million subs yet 😭 You are legit saving my life rn

[@teok8855]

Tip for anyone watching Dr. K, rewatch second time, these videos are golden.

[@igorheerdtigor4823]

I love the way you put ACT therapy in your content, very organic and grounded, it helped me a lot as a therapist trying to convey some of those ideas to my patients Cheers from Brazil

[@Ellipsis115]

20:16 Damn, "emergent property" is a really good phrase and I will be using it. Yes no matter what you do it will never be enough for anything. Because what you truly want to achieve is an emergent property of smallergoals/objectives. So aiming for and celebrating those smaller objectives is litterally the only way to get anywhere. He explained it much better than me so watch this section and beyond again but yeah, really listen and try and extract all the info and explain it in your own words like this^ TL;DR you should only focus/reflect on today really (I can TLDR this better) 30:31 Just not taking your phone into the bathroom is a genuinely freaking excellent place to start. Great advice!

[@beyondallreason-du4pq]

Best thing i learnt is I'll worry about it after...i tell myself this when i am too scared to do anything...so in a sense i ask my negative feelings to pause until after, they will only act after i do what i set myself for

[@salem7503]

The concept of emergent properties really clarified and made achievable present focus for me. Thank you.

[@vernon121]

Wow I never realized how much daydreaming hurt me and my goals. I just always thought it was like a form of visualizing your goals into reality. But literally it’s just another form of procrastination and instant gratification.

[@michaelrivera8770]

Feeling alone and spent years of my empty life fueled by anger to drive me forward; not only this brings me clarity, now making changes long overdue and making myself a better person I can be proud of.

[@mase1919]

This helped me tremendously. Thank you so much for breaking it down in ways that feel manageable. Today was a win, because of what I’ve learned and taken away from this information. You’re the best, Doctor K ❤️

[@Foxyinboots]

This gave me a lightbulb moment and I finally understood where the problem lies with my daydreaming. And the explanations helped a lot, never thought of daydreaming as putting myself *into* the future in my mind. Definitely eye opening! From now on I will do my best to congratulate me even on small wins and accomplishments :)

[@jebbrey]

Out of all the dr k videos I’ve watched this video has clicked with me the most. Taking pride in the process regardless of the outcome is the subtle but crucial aspect of achievement in the long term.

[@lalrintlau8404]

i still struggle with dissatisfaction sometimes even though I've made big leaps in fixing many aspects of myself. i guess it is like a carrot on a stick situation, you've taken lots of steps towards that ideal self, that dangling shiny thing yet it is always just out of reach. I think that's why it is so important to remember and appreciate each incremental progress made, each small W.

[@train_cam]

is this just another daydream, or am I actually first?

[@Jiboby]

You are genuinely first lol

[@whato2051]

Day dream

[@dogestep64]

Wake up

[@LeMagnifiquePetiteEspirit]

😶‍🌫️😂

[@ThePunisher0995]

Wake up samurai, we have a day dream to burn.

[@milosh5050]

Man, this so insanely true, it gives me chills 🙈 it feels like THE one video that I’ve tried to find in the sea of the motivational stuff I’ve procrastined listening to for years, just fantasizing. Thank you, really 😉

[@camronchlarson3767]

Right when I needed this. I just beat myself up so hard yesterday for not getting enough done on this game I'm developing but I only felt that way because I'm always daydreaming about the future this project once it's finished. I only just realized how unrealistic my expectations are of the timeline of this project.

[@grain9640]

me the last two years ;_;

[@denishnadarajan5188]

Thank you Dr. Your work is absolutely incredible

[@BartMiko]

This is gold, latest series of the videos is so briliant.

[@DomoJelly]

not me logging onto youtube to put on some music to daydream too and instead seeing this video in my sub box...

[@manoelguidialvares6903]

During 2020 I was lucky to continue working at home. However, as I was third party in my company (and the only one left), I felt that my boss gave all the attention to the others and left me aside. As such, I had no guidance during my activities, which at first is actually cool since I could literally not work for a week and get no punishment at all (even though I didn't do that, but there were days that I couldn't work due to mental stuff but anyway) but then it felt overwelming - I saw no fruits of my job, and worst : it's a tech job, it's not even a programming one, where you can see a website that you create... So I decided to take notes of all my advancements in a notebook, I tried to make it as pretty as possible, as complete as possible. And at the end of the day, I'd look at the pages I wrote and think 'Ok, I did all of this. It was a good day of work' or 'well, I could have done better but I DID something'. It helped me cope with the situation. I think this resonates with Dr. K's video. You gotta give yourself a pat to the back once in a while, you do deserve it! Great video, Dr, as always.

[@sofiariera6690]

How I needed this, thank your Dr.K for sharing it with us

[@The1313cool1313]

One thing I used to do until recently was learn Japanese vocab every day about 5 to 15 minutes. Then a couple of unfortunate events happened (ppl took up my learning time unknowingly, I felt really negative, negative developments in my interpersonal relationships and negative development in my own perception along with some other daily goals not being met for a while ... tldt: LOTS of stress). In the end I dropped my streak for three days. My app says "missing one day is okay, just recover your streak the next. But if you miss two days the streak is over" Without the streak I've lost my last Exeter external motivator and my internal motivation was already drilling up dinosaurs. So yea ... I stopped completely and kept feeling shitty ... cos that little bit of positive self reflection that I needed every day was gone. I'm gonna try my best to use this knowledge to get back up starting tomorrow ... because today I'm already past my goal time to sleep oops

[@TeiaFlair]

I been a MDDer for a long time. The earliest I can remember was about 7 years old, I’m 24 now. I never knew what it was and if it even had a name. I was also embarrassed to talk about it. But as of 2021 I discovered that’s it’s called maladaptive daydreaming, and I was so relieved to know that I wasn’t the only person going through this and that I can finally further my research into it. My experience is a bit different though, I can go into daydreaming even feeling intense happiness, or achievement, even boredom. A year ago I was diagnosed with CPTSD so it makes a lot of sense to how I developed this disorder. I went through a lot as a child and daydreaming was my sweet escape. I plan to make videos about it and my personal experience, soon. 🙌🏾

[@DrumTrimmings88]

I'm beginning to think this channel is targeted at me. Chronic daydreamer here.

[@tiademetrio]

Thank you so much❤️ Best video about maladaptive daydreaming!

[@darmenias]

I am desperately trying to avoid anger these days. Anger has always been such a powerful emotion for me and it is precisely another kind of coping mechanism as described in this video. Anger causes me to seethe on the inside, even though I never show it, and I spend possibly a measurable quantity of calories bathing in the anger and frustration, despite knowing absolutely that I am doing nothing but torturing myself with wild fantasies about people's intentions. A year ago I literally thought I wasn't capable of experiencing this anger anymore, since I had been working hard on myself for a while and had broken through a lot of the lies that life has a tendency to feed you. Then it came creeping back and I recoiled in horror instead of tolerating it. Well, tolerating it and the rest of the fear-born crap I have because I have an infinitely lower theshold on fear. That feeling is paralysis incarnate and I fear learning to tolerate it. I fear fear itself. But I've felt the anger mellowing as I've been reminding myself of exactly not letting the anger do what anger does to me. I resist the temptation to dive into it, to dwell on the feeling and let it spiral into insane conspiracies about people being shitty on purpose and all that jazz. And it works wonders. Every day it gets easier and the setbacks are just setbacks. I spend ten minutes fuming over some mishap and then employ the pride I've gathered in not feeling the anger to help let go of this anger, because I'm already capable of letting go, it's just sometimes hard to do it.

[@anshulkandpal2384]

Do these bouts of anger come randomly in a day, followed by fantasies of persecuting the person who caused the hurt and taking revenge? Because this really happens to me and I don't know if it's a general issue or just me.

[@TurningTesting]

@@anshulkandpal2384 this happens to me too

[@darmenias]

@@anshulkandpal2384 Absolutely. I think this is fairly rare. I haven't met anyone with this kind of issue, though I've seen glimpses of something similar in others.

[@SIC647]

It has helped me to sort of look at it from the outside: "Gee, my brain is really angry right now. Look at how it is fuming and making up stories. Hello brain anger, I see you. It is pretty tough on you, huh. I am going to let you be/go, and continue with my life." It helps because you separate the emotions from who you are. You are not your emotions. They are just suggestions.

[@oghord_the_cat]

i just day dreamed my way though the video and didnt realise what i was doing was daydreaming. it feels so normal in my state of life, even though i silently feel like something is wrong in my life

[@yassy9938]

Thank you doctor K! Very helpful 👍

[@R4K45H1_GAMING]

daydreaming has been literally my biggest problem for as long i can remember and i feel like this video is actually helping me. if i actually focus on working on reducing my daydreaming day by day, little by little, i might be going in the right direction

[@khadijadjango5869]

Happy to hear you are improving 🤗; 2months later is it still going .

[@PrestoJacobson]

I like how the thumbnail is pointing to that bearded guy, like he is the one holding me back.

[@saturationstation1446]

i dont daydream often anymore. but when i do its above being in love lmao. feel free to make fun of me now

[@itsjustaline]

Nah , you are not alone , I do it too

[@Acehigh-Jenkins]

I was same for years!

[@FannyMMOs]

Can I send you a virtual hug instead?

[@kikkiq13]

Every night before I go to bed I do that 😭

[@GGBShujaatSikander-cb8wx]

"Don't make progress a failure", Dr. K spitting flames

[@j-mc2144]

Every single Dr K video is just a reflective biography of my life.

[@fluoro4502]

This video helped me understanding the cause of my negative emotions, and I'm grateful of having watched it. I will start applying your advices within 15 minutes. This is indeed the greatest youtube channel I come across in a while.

[@ChakraAttack]

Dr. K gets better at this every month. The videos keep improving

[@Belegor]

There are multiple videos on motivation etc. on this channel I feel like this one was among the most instructive and I don't even day dream a whole lot but I have my one escapistic crutches that try to keep me from doing what is unpleasant. Thx a lot!

[@charles3840]

Gosh, looking at "accomplishing" goals as emergent results is a helpful mindset. Writing a 100k word book definitely falls into that mindset.

[@IceGoddessRukia]

Funny how he said the brain comes up with excuses because of course I'm all "Come on, I don't daydream THAT much."

[@pk5073]

Thank you, this session was so helpful!!!!

[@Le-Ghost]

I'm trying to see this video, but daydreaming is getting in the way. God, this is so difficult, I want it to stop, but I actually like daydreaming. I want to leave everything and never leave my head, and I want to leave my head and act on what I want to do to make it reality. It's feels as if the world in my head it's calling me to stay there or as if I'm gravitating towards it, like a yearning.

[@test-dh9vq]

that first post on reddit actually portrays the struggle of daydreaming perfectly

[@demJem09]

Super solid and practical advice.

[@altruisticfeline4006]

Your piano practice analogy is exactly my predicament, and more. I can't believe this. Thank you, Doctor K.

[@eonryan8491]

2:57 - basic problem with daydreaming 3:51 - daydreaming cycle 6:03 - daydreaming is an emotional coping mechanism 9:04(why?10:11)- even sometimes working towards our goals can create negative emotion 12:43 - be careful of setting the wrong goals, because you might achieve it 13:35(15:53) - if out goal is not feeling negative emotion, we lose control of our lives 16:33 - be present focused 16:46 - why unclear big goals with no daily process doesnt work Big goals are only useful to plan systems/processes

[@lukescheller7216]

Hey Doctor K - This video as well as your video titled "I'm not manly enough" have answered the 2 questions that nobody IN MY ENTIRE 30 YEARS OF EXISTENCE has ever been able to answer. As a person, I suffer from never-giving-myself-ANY-credit-for-anything-EVER syndrome. I've taught myself practically everything I've ever wanted to learn AS WELL AS EXCEEDED MY EVERY EXPECTATION but it still never feels as if it's enough because I'm future focused to a MAJOR fault... I'm going to practice chipping away at things NOW and giving myself credit at the end of the day. I have 0 problems forcing myself to practice or study but I NEVER give myself any credit. Your "I'm not manly enough" video helped me understand how confidence is produced - I'm going to challenge myself and fail more because, please correct me if I've misunderstood the formula, that's how confidence is built - iow - by overcoming adversity. THANK YOU DOCTOR K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GG

[@oldsoul3539]

It's a good look at what having perspective means. You have to be able to recognise what longterm success looks like on a daily increment, a day where you worked hard is a success. Jerry Seinfield had a simple but good system where decided he was going to write a joke every single day, and he bought a wall calander so he could mark that day off once he wrote a joke. Being able to see your calander getting crossed off gradually like a loading bar is a good way to show your brain that the plan is working, look at all the days we've marked off in a row, so many!

[@Swarnav-mg3zi]

My mind while watching: but we don't have time to process negative emotions, we have so much to study

[@arseneysorokin5004]

I daydream a lot. All of the time through all of my life. Only thanks to this video have I realized all of the terrible ways this has affected my life. Damn...

[@bman3977]

18:10 as a pianist, this hit super hard but you’re absolutely right Dr. K 😂

[@mikeygduv]

I've recently revisited my desire to be a full time streamer. The money, the adoration, the attention, the interactions. I'm built for that stuff. But I feel disconnected from what others will enjoy. I tend to have my own strange interests that don't match the mainstream. I found myself being so negative thinking about how I'll never feel loved and wanted because I too don't feel interesting enough. But today I walked to the corner store instead of driving. I spent less than $10 on food today. I made food at home. I built a shoe rack. I built Legos and I got some levels on my rogue. I got a lot done and yet it felt like I was just a loser. I don't need to be loved and have attention. I need to learn to be ok NOT having love and attention.

[@Sunny-tj1mo]

I may be just a dumb stranger in the internet, but please! Start streaming! I'm sure a lot of people will enjoy your content, no matter what game you stream, or what hobby you share with the world. Wishing you the best.

[@mikeygduv]

@@Sunny-tj1mo well this "dumb stranger" just made my day. You're too kind.

[@mikeygduv]

@@Sunny-tj1mo Sunny, I started streaming. And within a few days I met someone for the first time in 2 years and we have been talking every day. Life works out in strange ways. Thank you for putting out good energy into the universe. It will come back around in time.

[@rufiohaspan]

I think the thing with the gym just going to it and trying your best is better than most people . It’s a life long hobby as it is

[@justinkassinger8238]

See that's my problem. I'll have a great day, crush my goals and I always positively give my self the win. The problem is, the next morning, I wake up in a totally different frame of mind. I don't have the same positive mind that I had the day before. Then I'm in a rut for a week. Then I have a great day, and it's just repeated for years. I can't get past the starting line

[@euthyphro8064]

Have you found a solution?

[@dend1]

29:26 The Eren Yeager approach. Keep moving forward

[@aoa8837]

Panic for 10 hours a day is sufficient lol. But I'm not really joking. I have suffered so much, in my mind. My porch has become my prison. But I started meditating last night. I mowed today ( we have 9 different yards lol) and I am about to clean. This is such great lesson

[@antoniokatusic4019]

Thank you so much for this one, I've had daydreaming as coping mechanism from childhood all the way till now and I've tried various ways like the guy who wrote reddit post to cope with the belief we both share. Mindfulness meditation is something that helped me with having resistance towards negative however I've been missing the positive reinforcment part as I've never really patted myself on the back if I managed to do something positive for myself in the present. For example when I work out, if I fail on just one set then I thought that workout was a failure, which in retrospect it wasn't, failure is okay as long as at least attempted to do the lift. That is just one of many, perfectionst attitude is I think also borned from mind to get you to daydream again... Anyway, I very much appreciate this video and I hope it reaches many who have this same problem.

[@Bendilin]

Don't plan to make a video game; Plan to design a character first. Plan on just doing part of the video game, and then building off of that, until over time you have a complete video game made. If you go in off the bat with, "I want to make an entire game" and just daydream of the end product, the whole endeavour is going to come off as far too overwhelming to make and will sabotage you in ever starting any part of it.

[@sainterasmus4545]

I want to make a videogame, so I have spent an obscene amount of time day dreaming about it. I would think about the setting, level layout, gameplay and weapons balance, like I had already made good progress on it. Currently taking a break from doing a hard surface modelling course in Blender, trying to brush up before I start working on my game. I'm excited, so happy I finally took the plunge and got back into it.

[@stormraider2626]

this was the most helpful in the nick of time

[@veseybanuel]

such an important lesson! Thank you

[@Mardukson]

wow, great episode! I have to say, I've fallen in both camps, across time; hopefully seeing/having the three rules defined, will help me ensure I avoid excessive day dreaming!

[@matehajdar8065]

So Im listening to this video while daydreaming about not just daydreaming and distracting myself but actually being productive. So watching DrK videos feels rewarding bc of me imagining myself getting better, but also im not getting better. So i just bingewatch DrK and het the illusion of progress. Anyone?