What Can Men Do About Touch Deprivation?

Link to the full video - • Dr. K Reviews Mental H...
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#shorts #touchdeprivation #mentalhealth

[@HealthyGamerGG]

Link to the full video - kzbin.info/www/bejne/p17FqoecbplpbLM

[@Dolphiyn]

“if there’s a starving dog and you feed it once it’s going to come back, because it has nowhere else to go.” this hit me so hard

[@RahulSharma-ot3wo]

that was my dog in the clip, feed it WeirdChamp

[@XIIchiron78]

The market could solve this problem if we let it. Yeah it's complicated and needs to be done the right way but the only arguments against seem to be rooted in the notion that sexuality is fundamentally immoral, exploitative, or shameful. Which I see as wrong. It would solve a lot.

[@thefuturespast5981]

​@@XIIchiron78What's your solution? Monetise sex and relationships? 😂😂😂 Just because you don't see anything wrong with it doesn't mean there isn't anything wrong with it 🤦‍♀️

[@Mango-h5h]

This isn’t even accurate bruh, it’s a false analogy. It shouldn’t hit deep because we aren’t dogs looking for the innate attachment to food, we’re humans dealing with logical, abstract, and theoretical concepts. Our conscious isn’t comparable to a dogs behavior for food. We also have the ability to think about what our options r for relieving our emotions, a dog doesn’t think about options, they see food and can’t think of other sources. They become fixated. We don’t because we think. This is why it’s a false analogy

[@armadillolizard711]

​@@Mango-h5hHe's saying it's a natural reaction when this kinda thing happens. Doesn't mean any man in this situation couldn't find other solutions sure, but when it happens don't be surprised. It's a perfectly fine analogy. You just want to be right so badly.

[@codycrawford7842]

Powerful stuff. I've been that dog before and I've had my porch shat on.

[@yordvandamme]

That's why I always try to help them on how they can help themselves as well

[@lnaph]

the starving dog is the ine doing the pooping in this analogy.

[@ninjycoon]

​@@lnaph They're saying they've been both.

[@lnaph]

@@ninjycoon ah ok........

[@csanadtemesvari9251]

You've got that dawg in you

[@AIRFGC]

I'm the starving dog trying to not be annoying right now

[@kosherre6243]

Same bro, same. I guess I'm being trained now, don't know how to feel about it tbh. ... It's not a bad feeling tho...

[@tie7626]

Go cry about it dog

[@artemefimov8215]

​@@kosherre6243 ayo when are you gonna get collared and be called a good boy?

[@kosherre6243]

@@artemefimov8215 when my mas- my girlfriend visits me again on monday 👉👈

[@OPUP]

Bro, we out here.

[@ragingdevi]

hug your homies

[@v-ickydoesart]

And kiss em good night!!! lil forehead kiss and choccy milk is mandatory 😤

[@aheenobarbushenocied9880]

Kiss your boys

[@GamerBoy-bf6pk]

Guys that can't be done or else that'd be gay ( not neccessarily meaning that we are racists) but then most men would just be staying away from us

[@revisionconsistency]

What if you don't have 😢

[@ragingdevi]

@@revisionconsistency you make some friends, and then they become homies, and then you hug them

[@wildfire9280]

I feel as though if hugging became not just more accepted but a regular occurrence it would not be (literally) romanticized and mystified as this apparently necessary feature locked behind romantic relationships (hopefully we all know the obvious hugging parents or kids aren’t in romantic relationships).

[@serehero4722]

Whether hugging is common or not also depends on the culture, the community, you are living in.

[@lolasonne1772]

I have that feeling with a lot of stuff. Many women I know and myself included have learnt to be very careful to show kindness to men because it leads to really bad situations. One example is smiling at men on the street when your eyes meet randomly. I have a male friend who was touched and really happy by the fact one women randomly smiled at him as they were crossing each other on the street, it's actually heart breaking. But he also immediately thought about running back and asking her out, what is the exact reason women learn to be careful who to show kindness to. It is so often seen as sexual interest instead of just the nice human interaction it is.

[@irok1]

​@@lolasonne1772 He probably felt he needed to reach out to the one kind person he's seen in his life Most men, based on the Internet at least, cannot tell the difference between flirting, a compliment, and "just being nice" since all are super rare

[@lolasonne1772]

@Irok 121 Yes, and that's the reason it's so stupid that men are so proud of treating each other like sh*t. It creates an environment where men are suffering from loneliness and some are so desperate that woman need to be careful who to smile to because one smile can lead to being followed. This stupid "culture" leads to suffering on all sides.

[@priestesslucy3299]

It's like how cheek kissing is totally normal in Italy and France

[@helloeveryone0123]

the reason why i choose not to suicide is because i'm not going to let suicide win against me. i maybe a loser, but i still hate losing.

[@FantasyFlea]

That sounds to me like you're not a loser. Good work, keep fighting 💪

[@RazerXPYugioh]

You're not a loser. I would say the only people who're losers is people who commit heinous crimes. I used to think I was a loser as well. So I understand where you're coming from but trust me you're not.

[@Horchata4lyfe]

You're a straight winner. Keep this good shit up.

[@wildfire9280]

@@RazerXPYugioh I believe the fact we live in a society where any of us were made to think of ourselves as “losers” in spite of not being a danger to others (which could at least have a logical standpoint) is absurd.

[@TheAcademik]

W King

[@reddragoner1932]

„… it has nowhere else to go“ well, that sums it up pretty well.

[@olympiaelda1121]

Its true, and its the best thing ever. That security and peace. But we also need to connect. To me friendship is that magic element. But even that didnt work before I found my ome in myself, as you put it. Cause my neediness not only destroyed romance but friendships, too.

[@Majestic469]

that hit me in the feels

[@AWholeVibe96]

We need more men speaking to men this way. Cause when these same words come from a woman, men get sassy and want to argue.

[@janetsnakehole3734]

I moved from the southeastern US (a more community-oriented, huggy culture) to the UK (where loneliness has been deemed a public health crisis--they seriously have a Minister of Loneliness in the national government) and it was brutal. After a year, I started telling people "so, where I'm from, we hug as a casual greeting and when we depart. Is that something you would be okay with doing with me?" Literally everyone took me up on it. It was so much healthier for me, and I genuinely think friends I hugged got some positive feelings from it too. All that to say, you can be the change and ask people if they would like a casual hug. It works.

[@Wahhhhhhhh-hhh]

It is here too, i.e. new surgeon general report. Probably why K did the video

[@KanohiVahi]

You're an MVP! Good for you for breaking the ice. I think you might have made many people feel better that day. I remember once when I was feeling bad for accidentally crossing a boundary with a person I liked. But once that person who I might have offended got over it (which was pretty shortly) they came to me and hugged me when they saw I was shocked too, even though I was the one who had hurt them. Then they said "one hug a day makes everything better" and it did! I remember instantly feeling much better, and I think they needed the hug too. Thanks to the hug I think we both got over the shock instantly as the feel-good hormones from the hug took over ☺️

[@Li_Tobler]

So I'm from Ukraine and we also have a pretty "huggy" culture lol. When I moved to Germany I didn't notice that they were kinda more secluded so I continued with my hugging as usual (only when it was appropriate of course, I can read the room still). Everyone loved it! My bf told me that his parents were kinda weirded out by such a warm first greeting, but not in a bad way. We hugged only briefly. But when we met after that I noticed that they were more and more into it! 😅 The hugs were longer and more heartfelt, I was getting squeezed lol! That was so heartwarming for everyone involved 💕

[@leetleshinigami6099]

You know what, the simple act of asking is what makes you the MVP here. Because I feel a lot of people don't feel comfy asking for a hug, but asking if you can give one puts the ball in their court in the most respectful way possible. Good on you.

[@SakaiRiku]

As someone from the southeastern US, I've never been hugged.

[@infinitecurlie]

Oh man. I've had it before when a man I'm on friendly terms with got the feels because I was willing to not just give hugs and hang out but also let him be himself, etc and it really sucked because I felt SO bad being like naw bro we just friends. It's like men get burned twice over, they're touch starved, close their emotions because of social conditioning, AND the person who could give them what they need doesn't feel the same way.

[@curiousmind6472]

Wow, so he wanted more?

[@NaNa-re3wc]

That’s what happens when you desperately cling to everyone and everything. It’s no one’s right to put that on others, it’s rather selfish. Those types of men make women paranoid when just trying to offer friendship or be kind.

[@ponypruhest]

Partner dancing, especially the more social partner dances like swing and salsa where you change partner often is a great way to get to touch without there being more to it. It also works for practicing and polishing your social skills because people do not have to oblige and dance with you, they can choose themselves. This can be TOUGH in the beginning, but stick to it, practice and keep at it, the reward is going to be great, but as with everything, it will take time, so keep at it.

[@runefaustblack]

Cool idea! Problem is I hate all the pop music genres I'd be likely to hear at a social dance xD

[@ponypruhest]

@@runefaustblack I think that there are at least 4 big distinct social dances, and each of them have their own kind of music. If you have multiple of them where you live, pick the kind where you love the music, because you're going to hear it all the time. Try searching for "partner dance " From US there are 2 at least 2 big social dances: * West Coast (WCS) which does indeed dance to modern music. The S in WCS is for Swing, but in my mind they are all infidels because they no longer dance to swing music ;-) * Swing, which includes Lindy Hop, Balboa, Shag, and to some extend Blues dance though the Blues music is different. Swing is the dance I do, and this is dance to Big Band / Swing / Jazz from something like 1928-1944. Artie Shaw, Benny Goodman, Count Basie, Duke Ellington, ... are some of the band names to look for. Ella Fitzgerald is a singer to look for. Some of the early Frank Sinatra big band is also the same kind of music. * Latin which includes, Salsa, Bachacha, Zouk, ... I've tried it, but it didn't catch my interest * Tango is also a partner dance and that music is different from those above.

[@dflaming1371]

For me it's a miserable time. Too fast paced to have a shot at actual connection, lots of snobs that are at the roller rink to show off their years of classes that are mean to beginners, everyone is hot and sweaty and a bit short by the end of the session, the constant music is overstimulating, and it usually let's out late where now tomorrow is messed up and youre dog tired

[@ponypruhest]

@@dflaming1371 I'm sorry to hear you had an initially bad experience. The actual connection will come slowly repeatedly when you go week after week and get to know people and they get to know you. There are multiple different kinds of dances, maybe try some other kind and you might have a different experience because of different people and different music.

[@trab49]

Came here to say exactly this. Partner dancing has tided me through my darkest and most stressful times. The music + the physical connection with others + the athletic aspect of dancing + just the VIBES is an antidote to any kind of self destructive thought spiralling. Yes, it's terrifying to put yourself out there at first on the dance floor (and this feeling may not ever fully go away), so start with taster and beginner classes. Make a few friends. Once you get even slightly better, it's just too much fun to stop dancing!

[@kFY514]

This may sound weird, but... Teddy bears can really help! I'm a single guy in my 30s, and I recently started sleeping with a teddy bear again. Sure, it's a crude substitute for actual human touch, but it's way better than nothing. And don't let anyone tell you that it's "not manly" or "childish" or whatever because that's BS. There's nothing wrong with just doing whatever feels good to you (as long as you're not hurting anyone of course, but I can't imagine sleeping with a plushie falling into that category).

[@LimeandMocha]

wholesome shit right here

[@naan-oyobizniz3168]

Everyone should own a Blahaj 😍

[@meljaxb]

Or a side-sleeping/big pillow also helps

[@SnailHatan]

It is childish. To rely on an inanimate object instead of being able to moderate your own emotions and mind.

[@kFY514]

@@SnailHatan why do you care? It's all about how we feel in the end. We're not doing any harm to anybody, so... whatever works 🤷

[@BigLadStudios]

Just wanna say, that analogy sums up perfectly how I'm feeling about this one person who was in my life at one point. Very turbulent situation that was suddenly abandoned with little to no explanation. We weren't just hugging. Shit's fucked me up bad, HOWEVER, the other night was confiding in a friend with how I was doing and coping with this fucked situation. We had a long chat in his car and usually I get out and he takes off back home, so I get out and he does as well which I was like oh he must be checking something but he comes around to my side and I was like "What you doin?" and he was like "Don't think about it dude" and he fuckin hugged me. And I know he's not one for like physical acts like that, I have friends I can hug and it's all well and good. But like him hugging me unprompted, without me asking, genuinely made my whole fucking night.

[@Wednesday__]

Normalize men hugging men. You can touch another dude without being gay or crossing a line. Women are not responsible for men's loneliness just as men are not responsible for women's loneliness.

[@cvsistheft]

massages are a good place to start if you can afford them. I had a therapist “prescribe” seeing a massage therapist as a stepping stone in dealing with my touch starvation.

[@madhavmathur4008]

does touch deprivation have any ill effects?

[@sharknadofartquake2449]

@@madhavmathur4008 viruses but hold your breath lol easy fix. :P

[@eduardodossantosguerra6289]

Around here it's hard to find female masseuses who work with men and I don't feel comfortable being touched by another man

[@hereandnow3156]

@@madhavmathur4008 Yes, you can look it up. It leads to a lot of negative health outcomes. Human beings evolved to need touch to feel well mentally. It makes sense, we are hyper social and touch is one of the most important aspects of socializing.

[@bananaboyTS]

​@@eduardodossantosguerra6289ayo if ya wanna learn not all touch is secual mb seeking the touch of a man in a non sexual way is maybe not your prefered option but would work quite well

[@RS-ho7of]

Dr. K spits straight facts man. I've nothing but respect for everything he does.

[@10pmmemes88]

He didn't give a single fact, just opinions. Also compared men to starving feral dogs. This guy absolutely sucks

[@Freakazoid12345]

I'm a guy who gets sexually assaulted by gay men and straight women.

[@FoenyxFeather]

The oddest thing is how much I experience a kind of mirror of these problems myself as a woman who grew up in pretty fked isolating circumstances and still feel a sense of alienation from others today.

[@captainstabbin1230]

We're cut from the same cloth. Hit me up.

[@cazimim3375]

​@@captainstabbin1230ignored un surprisingly

[@mascotwithadinosaur9353]

I'm a girl, I'm in Uni, and here, I have colleagues and friends who hug me when we meet/say goodbye. It's very strange. I tend to not even want to say "hi" to them because I'm used to being invisible. This is to tell guys who are touch starved, go get some hugs from your homies or something! Hugs feel great, even if they're strange.

[@hieug.rection1920]

Not that simple. Only friends are let into that circle. Friends are rare. I have many buddies but only 2 friends. One of them followed me to war and the other I’ve know for my entire life. Real friends don’t come easy. I consider myself blessed to have 2. That’s more than most of buddies have.

[@HealthyGamerGG]

💚

[@homerodysseus4203]

Thank you for always helping me keep my head up without it being transactional like everything else in life. I'm lucky my irl psychiatrist sees me for an entire 5 minutes every month instead of every 3 months, but he doesn't even approach the subject of how I'm going to fix myself. You're literally a life saver.

[@sycoraxqc]

As a gay dude who suffered from domestic violence and being beaten as a child by my parents. It's hard. I only hug people who I am romantically involved with... and that almost never happens, because most people reject me for what I went through. I tried to have a cuddle buddy many times, but people easily get aroused and don't want to respect my limits, so it leads to insults and me feeling worst then when it started. It kinda sucks.

[@meljaxb]

in some cities there are professional-"hugger". they have a license and they aren't allowed to do anything seggsual. But more they do it therapeutical, where they ask you, how you feel, and how long it is ok for them to hug you and you can build up a healthy feeling for closeness

[@lnaph]

FOSTER KITTENS... you get a lot of oxytocin which is what you are craving. get a massage. if you have a mom u like, hug her. hug your guy friends.

[@eduardodossantosguerra6289]

Pets help but nothing compares to the touch of a woman or even less the touch of someone you have feelings for

[@lnaph]

@@eduardodossantosguerra6289 sometimes we all have to make do, until we find genuine love. :)

[@aboomination897]

i had no family or friends or pets for over 10y now...if you have any of that, you're already very well off

[@anonymousanomalous9937]

I've become noticably reluctant to touch or hug anyone. It's become difficult to believe that they'd be ok with it. Even when someone moves to hug me, it's in the back of my mind that if I go for it 100% it'll be thought to be creepy or they'll end up being uncomfortable with it especially when hugging women

[@eduardodossantosguerra6289]

Just be careful, try to learn the difference between a friendly hug and a romantic hug.

[@anonymousanomalous9937]

@Eduardo dos Santos Guerra that's a good point. To me, a hug is a hug and it's either ok or it's not, but they might not see it that way

[@captainstabbin1230]

It's only "creepy" if she's not attracted to you.

[@FeelTehPOWA]

What about touch and affection deprived women 😢 as a 30 year old and autistic i follow a lot of videos for men but i feel so much more alone and depressed because as a fEmAlE it is assumed i have a net of emotional support or am not touch deprived.... Sure, as a woman you have less barriers for sex... but at least for me its been hard, just to be hugged without getting my boundaries completely violated, without feeling less like a person. I just cant trust anyone and i wish so badly to do so. To love someone and someone love me back, not for being fEmAlE, not for sex, just to love and comfort each other... im so tired of being alone...

[@citrosoda5370]

Hug other women?

[@Tundraviolet]

Same age as you and autistic as well. We have it different from non autistic women. We are usually rejected by the two sexes. Know that you are not alone and this is a common problem with autistic women who usually don't have many or friends at all. I learned to grow used to the isolated life. And I have plushies that I cuddle with. It's not easy but better than nothing.

[@Glacierlune]

Honestly deliberately seek other autistic people. Autistic guy here and I've been putting effort into looking for autistic gay guys to date. I'm getting way more progress than ever before.

[@sonicleaves]

Get a pet.

[@TheLyricalWrdsmth]

Incidentally, I got a dog. It helped.

[@caseyjones5145]

Idk if youre joking but if your not then heck yeah dude im happy for you

[@gifi4]

Same. It helps. But I still feel isolated. I'm still craving cuddles from the opposite sex. I'm still alone.

[@Mii..]

.

[@DianaWanMa]

As the one offering the hug and getting inappropriate attachment afterwards, what can I do? It happened to me once and I reacted really poorly. I froze, he scared me to death by how weird he was acting, as he wanted to talk in isolated places…

[@InTheNickofTime]

Im not completely sure, but i would say that it would be important to stand your ground in regards to your boundaries. Even if you feel like the truth might be uncomfortable for him, your boundaries are not up for sacrifice, and will be better for them to be able to grow out of their behavior than nonconfrontation.

[@Glacierlune]

Require men to prove they hug their homies to go on a date with them.

[@loopsbrother2903]

Holy fucking shit didn't expect this big of a reality check

[@DIVAD291]

The starving dog didn't start as a starving dog.

[@Wahhhhhhhh-hhh]

Fucking might have

[@lolasonne1772]

Not sure about the US, but I have seen that boys are often not being hugged as much as girls in their families. The next thing are friends, especially during your teenage years. I naturally didn't have a strong urge or the capability to initiate platonic touch with my friends, but because I am a woman, my female friends would do it with me (things like giving a long hug when they saw I am sad or stressed, or laying their head on my legs/stomach when lying down somewhere, putting a hand on my shoulder/thighs when we talk about emotional stuff....etc.). Only because of female friends I learned how to "take care" and being taken care by friends, how to initiate emotional talks and lift each other up. Even making genuine complements is something I "simply" learned by being socialized by other women who had a more natural tendency for it. So yeah, I've seen the starving starting at home and then getting stronger during teenage years, simply because of our socialisation.

[@captainstabbin1230]

@@lolasonne1772 Women have infinitely more support than men.

[@lolasonne1772]

@@captainstabbin1230 Yes, that's what I have written. Nice of you to sum it up, though.

[@captainstabbin1230]

@@lolasonne1772 I like to aim for maximum effect for minimal effort

[@aboomination897]

i'm "touch-deprived" (it's not just about physical touch) because of a mental condition i was unaware of, that led to shame, which led to self-isolation for 10+ years - no family, friends, partners. i used to have many friends and partners, got all the touchies. it's tough, looking at the life that could have been. now i find it really hard to find a therapist, even harder to find someone who knows a thing or two about ADHD.

[@caseyjones5145]

Structure, structure, structure. Therapy (youtube, books) & then I managed (somehow) to turn my hyperfoucs onto not hurting myself. Im not done but it has helped my adhd a lot since I cant afford medicine. Try to remember positive things even if it isint happening to you part of it is adding (not replacing) good stuff into our negative focused brains. Its like eating carrots with your mcdonalds its not gonna take away the bad stuff but it will add in some good stuff. Idk your situation but this stuff has helped me not self sabotage so much. Reply to this message if you have more questions & I will touch brains with you (if youd like)

[@sleepy_existence]

If y'all are in an environment where hugs are not acceptable/available, I've found that weighted plushies and blankets work wonders. They also help improve quality of sleep. I have both and literally within 10 minutes of wrapping myself up like a burrito and the weighted plushie on my chest, I'm zoned out if not completely asleep. I'm past the point of caring if it's considered childish or not. Best sleep of my life!

[@mindfulcat5195]

go learn how to partner dance, it's fun learning something new. i started with cuban salsa

[@prometheuszero9]

I don't relate to suicidal ideation necessarily but I liked the way he described someone deprived of touch hugging a woman (or whatever type of person they might be attracted to) and then sort of getting overly attached, etc. I have noticed this exact occurrence in myself a few times in the past few years; I've gotten a hug from a woman and then started to feel a very strong attraction to them. This literally just happened to me a week or so ago on a trip to meet up with some of my friends from around the country that I do virtual 12 Step meetings with. I've met some of them before, including the one I developed the attachment to this time. I found myself wanting to spend most of my time with her and was very happy any time we got a chance to spend time together, like for example, her riding in my car during some sort of outing. I had a similar feeling when I met her last summer as a guest to her wedding. It doesn't happen with every woman, and sometimes it feels really random. It's definitely just with woman that I find average-looking or better and who also are very warm and sweet. I've even had the feeling with my late 60s stepmom a few times :O There have been a few times where I've thought, "Wow, I love my stepmom. I'd love to spend more time hanging out with her" lol And not necessarily in a porno way either. I was aware of what I was feeling enough in all these cases to not become a "starving dog", but that bit of affection from a woman certainly put me into a temporary state of pining for more. I'm comfortable with affection but basically the people I hug are my dad, my stepmom, maybe my stepsisters (who I see rarely) and then some friends of mine from 12 Step meetings. Me and my closest friends don't usually hug and don't usually even shake hands, which I chalk up just to us being comfortable with each other. Anyway, in the past few years I've vaguely worked out that I can get attached to women after getting a little affection most likely due to not getting much female affection in general, but for some reason this little clip made it more clear in a conscious way. My question is, how the hell can I get over that without actually finding some regular source of affection? I feel like I need to get past that before I can get a girlfriend or something, but how I can I get past the lack of affection without someone to be affectionate with? lol

[@triinpokk9198]

Hug your friends

[@gbach919]

Dapping is kind of like the modern man's hug 🫂

[@justaloserbecomingawinner7337]

Pro tip just stop being sad works 100% of the time

[@vivvpprof]

Pro tip: just replace your brain with chatGPT.

[@letsreadtextbook1687]

Pro gamer move: it is what it is

[@Flesh_Wizard]

Just deleted the "sad" file. Works good 👍

[@Woeisme2]

4Head

[@zeo1087]

I feel so awkward hugging anybody that even when I hug my friends who are girls, I barely make any physical contact with them and im always the first to pull away lol

[@skadi6750]

I would give hugs gladly, if hugging in my social circles would not be a sign of mild unaware sexism. Like those situations when you wanna congratulate a guy and he only gives a handshake to dudes, but as soon as a women comes in, they always attempt to do the hugs and kisses shit and I get disgusted, feeling as if its only about touching boobs or something, so I learned to only shake hands and make this crap someone elses problem. I cannot even trust a massage therapists anymore, because my mother was literally sexually assaulted by one. So now only my female friends and family and my husband get my hugs, cuz I dont trust peoples intentions.

[@kotaibamattar813]

I went thorough 27 years of my life and as best as i can remember i didn't get hugged even one time in my life.

[@caseyjones5145]

No one in my house spoke to me for a whole month when I was growing up I just woke up & went to sleep in my own silence. To me (as a 11yr old) it was depressing af, to them it was just a really long tuesday, no apologies. They didnt even actually think about what they did before they dissmissed it. I glad my parents are gone.

[@sonnymills803]

​@@caseyjones5145same

[@babaganouche9605]

Wow, you highlighted how much we need connection. We literally want to die without it. I always thought there was something wrong with me, but through you and other mental health education I learned that I was having an appropriate reaction to CPTSD in childhood.

[@hermitkryb]

"But I'm a creep." -Radiohead

[@janaebert3059]

For all men who are deeply touch deprived, visit a cuddle therapist. A female friend can give you a hug, but in many cases she can't give you what you really need. Worst case is when you start to develop feelings for that person, which will hurt even more.

[@jazzyj7834]

Just find a romantic partner at that point. One that understands the need to cuddle. EDIT: Guess my comment really pissed a lot of people off. Sorry. Didn't realize how common incels were in today's culture. PS. Incel means involuntarily celibate. Yes, being unable to find a romantic partner rather than choosing not to have one is what this term means. It's fine if you choose to not have one. But if it's not your choice, then sorry, that's what the word means. And a lot of the replies to my comment seem to imply a lack of choice in the matter.

[@GaryOPostle]

@@jazzyj7834 A lot of people need smaller, actionable steps or they won’t even start

[@wildfire9280]

@@jazzyj7834 The problem with that is that it privatizes the means of oxytocin production when we need to to democratize it to most likely broader non-romantic connections. Liberate the touch-starved class!

[@SnailHatan]

No thanks. Paying someone to physically touch me sounds absolutely demoralizing.

[@SnailHatan]

@@jazzyj7834 yeah, just find a romantic partner. Real great advice there, Big Pimpin’. I’ll just go do that. Half of the whole fuckin point of the clip is that only having romantic partners to touch creates extremely unhealthy emotional dumping and inappropriate levels and types of attachment. It’s like you couldn’t listen for 10 seconds or something.

[@caseyjones5145]

I just touch my dude friends a lot (ima dude, yes I see what you did there). Hug, shoulder touches, hand shaking, hi fiving, telling them they look nice today. & I have noticed that it is welcomed very very welcomed. Men need to touch other men more ( yes yes, ha ha ha) it helps more than you know fellas

[@banksmartly]

If you kill yourself who’s gonna feed the starving dog? Stay strong my brothers 🙌🏽❤

[@ko45allday]

yo that starving dog metaphor fucked me up real quick.

[@ELisa-qf2mw]

I've heard that sort of public, strictly absolutely non-sexualized sleepover cuddling parties for adults are already a thing in some countries, and there are even professionals who make a living out of non-sexual touching and cuddling sessions. If I had a chance to feel safe and understood doing that in my country/culture/social and geographic context, I would absolutely love to be such professional.

[@Humanity_Memes]

You are not a loser, you get up everyday and you choose yourself. YOU ARE A KING👑

[@campanaro_99]

i went to the therapist, did not get fixed. i can't hug anyone because i'm ugly as fuck so people don't want to. i tried talking more to people ang put myself out there but i just get rejected. i am now tired of this shit and don't know what to do so i'm also confused. plus school is getting harder and i have to thing about university too and a job. my life has been fucked like this for at least 5 years and no matter what i always fell back into lonleyness and that's it. so yeah, what can i do?

[@dysfallacyyt]

i don’t know who you are or what you look like but i know you aren’t ugly. and it depends what you mean by “rejected” like friends or a relationship. even if i don’t know you just know i’d hug ya online

[@Glacierlune]

Men need to hug each other so they know how to interact with women to persue them romantically.

[@fish6911]

Sign up for a dance class

[@Callummullans]

Shaking hands, a slap on the arm for a laugh, a touch on the arm when grabbing someone’s attention, a quick cup check etc. sharing space face people with your body when talking. It’s the small things that fade into the background that can make a difference to a day sometimes.

[@jessIe76468]

Please do it. As a female, I always feel so bad when I hug my female friends but am reluctant or hesitant to hug my male ones, too. But often they get super touchy and clingy after that and I know why, not to blame them, they finally get affection they desperately need but it makes me so uncomfortable and though I opt for platonic ones they involuntarily try to push towards romantic affection and bruh I have to keep reminding them quite every time and it wears me out to be so direct and firm because I am rather kind and warm and I have to calculate every action like ughh.

[@jessIe76468]

Plus I feel.bad for them I have to keep away something they need and as a selfless person I tend to put people's needs first so I have to be extra selfish and man I'm just torn ahah😅

[@drewswithin324]

It was jiu jitsu for me. Maybe it’s for you too

[@MeetMichelleRenee]

Cuddlist can be a great resource for safe, consenual, nurturing touch. It’s like hiring a masseuse, hair dresser, etc. It’s a service. It fills a need. It also happens yo be a great place to learn healthy communication. Don’t discount it.

[@Atomic.V8]

Hell no even as lonely as I am that sounds so depressing having to pay some women to cuddle you

[@anderstermansen130]

What men can do about touch starvation? Live and deal with it. Sooner or later you become cold and heartless. You cant crave the feeling of touch when you have forgotten how it feels in the first place. This comment is signed 05-06-2023

[@xvextheoriginal3422]

I dont know how to feel about that analogy of the dog but that shit is getting to me

[@Serena-yn4pg]

take care of girls and theyll hug you forever duhhh

[@dolan_darkerest]

got that starving dawg in me (metaphorically)

[@Bioniclema90]

I got a hug from a female friend about a year ago and it wasn't one of those s**tty minimum body contact ones either, and it lasted probably 20 seconds too. It was the happiest I had felt for a number of years. I could literally feel the negativity melting away inside me. I told my therapist about it and I legit almost started sobbing, and would have had I not stopped to take a breath, when I told her how badly I have been missing something so simple like that, simply just a hug, some kind of loving touch at all. I'll probably cry the first time someone cuddles with me and gives me affection, but I can't because I'm not allowed to be needy. Women don't like that. So I guess I'll just continue to be depraved, continue to get hurt, and that'll be my life. It's like, if women don't hug men because they don't want to have them get feelings because a loving touch is so rare for them, they just don't hug them at all, thus making them even more depraved and desperate. Not a good solution =/

[@janaebert3059]

Have you tried visiting a cuddle therapist?

[@lilaluna8922]

I'm a woman and I can tell you, I wouldn't mind you needing hugs. In my opinion every person has needs and feelings and should absolutely be allowed to address them. It breaks my heart that you believe you were not allowed to have needs. My heart goes out to you.

[@razzytack]

Its not a good solution on women's end either unfortunately. There are too many stories of men attacking or even killing women who give them love. Women have had to learn to be very selective and you can't really blame them for it since that selectiveness can literally save their lives

[@doofusleloofus]

​@@razzytack The problem comes when we dont know where to draw the selection bias line, resulting in a back and forth argumentation about how we should treat a selected group of individuals. For those women, its hard to have a grey area view on men when it comes to down to making the decision. The worse thing is since we cant draw a decent sample size of men that will pose a threat, its thereby safer to assume that theres a high risk. This affected non-threatening men significantly. So instead of putting the blame on anyone like you or Dr K said, there should be instead a practical way to ease these effects.

[@wildfire9280]

@@razzytack That’s selectiveness but this commenter seems to have pointed towards indiscriminately completely closed-off women rather than intuitively selective women. I agree it’s just that the selectiveness you’re referring to be optimal it has to filter out those antisocial or myopic personalities and their propensities for ludicrous violent behavior while filtering in people who just aren’t that. If people, both men and women, who aren’t fitting that description are on people’s blacklists, those blacklists are functioning at an optimal level.

[@_booooooo]

I was told that dying was gay so i im still alive to this day

[@tante4dante]

I mean there are commercial cuddle services and i was once on a platform for meeting platonic cuddle buddies and didn't even knew that many do this professionally... but it chatted a while with a guy and it was so depressing to read reviews on his page about him, how he is good to cuddle and respectful and they sounded like amazon product reviews :( like he was the customer who got reviewed like a product... it's so sad that there is a whole business, i mean yes it's better than getting suicidal over touch starvation, but still... dystopian capitalism none the less :(

[@ysucae]

also, ask for your needs, help in achieving them. dudes can hug dudes too. it's not gay to want affectionate friendships

[@anthonymorris8891]

This is wildly different than what I went through. Edit: Sorry my experience with mental health treatment hasn't been sunshine and rainbows doc, but that's no reason to delete a comment.

[@novai6554]

Ok

[@blop-a-blop9419]

... how so ?

[@Enrique-nv3lc]

I wanna know what you went through

[@adamyooz]

@@anthonymorris8891 That’s pretty horrific

[@letsreadtextbook1687]

​@@anthonymorris8891 this clip is about touch-deprivation and not about failed attempt per se. But yeah that's rough, man.

[@um2913]

Pardon me but I personally believe that if you’re struggling with suicide you probably do have some mental issues. That’s not to mean ur broken or can’t have a wonderful life or can’t learn to live with it. Or even that it can’t go away. You’re not broken, you have live with it and be happy. And depending on what it is it might go away. But de-stigmatize that belief.

[@campfireeverything]

This starving dog over here appreciates your work. Thank you 🙏

[@hwway4488]

How do you cope and continue to believe in your own capabilities and competence when your own father thinks you’re a worthless/useless soab and has abandoned any belief in you, especially when you know the soab will leave the earth before you’ll have the chance to show him that he’s wrong

[@USALibertarian]

Join a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym. Not kidding.

[@GloriousMightykarp]

Yeah man, all you need is a hug, you don't really have mental issues, but just in case talk to a psychologist so you can get some of that sweet involuntary hospitalization. Surely that won't mess with your not-yet-traumatized mind.

[@pingeee]

i am that starving dog in this lonely world...

[@aqgaming1092]

Same

[@RO-vr9qx]

you're brilliant

[@weirdbookshelf49]

This is why as a guy am very careful to not push boundaries and accept romantic rejection no problem

[@TechRedstone]

When I was around queer spaces, EVERYONE hugged. No one was afraid of any relationship connotation, it was recognized that everyone had needs. I talked to someone then I inappropriately stared at a bunch and they didn’t care, they understood people are people and people are gross. I started to echo the same, I let gay people flirt with me and drool over me a bit even though I wasn’t gay and was usually uncomfortable with that. Give what you want!

[@Jane-oz7pp]

ngl the end of that just makes me not want to help? Like... when a dude is shitting on my patio he's usually physically assaulting me or something and yea nah, leave women the fuck out of that.

[@aboomination897]

shitting could be instant trauma dumping or something like that. physical assault would be more like if the dog started biting, right?

[@debrachambers1304]

Run up from behind and hug random people. "Here comes the tickle monster!!!"

[@captainstabbin1230]

More like "Here comes the sexual assault charges"

[@BartyTheParty]

Is touch starvation actually a thing??? I always thought it was just an insult... Maybe it's one of my many issues though to be honest. 🤔

[@Kaffarov97]

So real

[@sonnymills803]

Good explanation with the dog comparison

[@brase_]

How dare you tell everyone about my first year of high school (jk, I love your vids, they are really teaching me a lot, even though you made me cry a bit on that one)

[@capslock956]

From one extreme to another eh? I'm quite certain there's a wide berth between touching vs full blown embrace among human interactions 😅

[@YouilAushana]

I was severely emotionally abused through the majority of my life, taking it out in myself and thinking there was something wrong with me. Due to this world being completely superficial, only caring about their own "happy vibes", "toxic positivity", "mindless self-indulgences". They didn't allow me space to grow and heal, quickly dismissing my 'voice' with the character judgements and attacks. As they played in the "Rat Race" as "crabs in a bucket". I was blessed enough to find good people who listened, understood and provided the support I needed. It feels good to just know I'm a normal healthy human who unfortunately was extremely unlucky in many areas. Thanks Dr. K! You provided a ton of support and understanding. Also, thanks to psychacks and the plethora of professionals shining light on the epidemic of narcissistic abuse or people "deflecting" and "projecting" their own insecurities.

[@blackneos940]

Easy solution. Cauterize your Nerve endings and blind yourself. That way, it becomes a non-issue. Like if Medusa stared at herself in the mirror but was blind.

[@as7river]

"If you're a dude struggling with suicide...." Sounds like you're about to pitch me the way to succeed at it.

[@pyrotex8]

I think diagnoses are great and useful in a lot of cases, but I like the view of "an appropriate reaction to a terrible situation". Sometimes what's going on in our body and mind are just normal, it's just everything else that's not.

[@pyrotex8]

When you break a leg and it hurts excruciatingly, that's like a 100% appropriate response. Take for example PTSD or mental illness caused by trauma: you're not broken, you're just mentally injured, and pain is a perfectly normal response to that.

[@JBlask]

I have heard from a person who has done healing for many years that being touch-starved is actually a condition of the nervous system. Energetic work on the nervous system may release some of the charge/conditioning behind it.

[@elgatomoscato230]

What can you do to solve touch deprivation? Easy! Touch yourself! 😀👍

[@maniya6830]

Accidentally told the truth there. "Mental health experts can't help". Also great analogy comparing men to starving dogs. Definitely does not make me feel like trash.

[@aboomination897]

mental health experts can provide help so that we can help ourselves. it's a lot of work, not some prescription. yes, hugs and warmth would help me so much more than any pill, but it just doesn't work like that.

[@maniya6830]

@@aboomination897 no they can't. Mine is pretty trash. So is most of what Dr. K says

[@maniya6830]

@@alskarmode thankfully I am not at that point hahha

[@paythebryce8355]

whats next? you had one bad doctor and now youre never getting medical treatment again?

[@walterschneider8033]

Um... I'll hug gay men. This is a non issue for me. That was a mistake once, an outlier. But you can be friends with women. You don't need attraction with women.

[@toslverr]

It's difficult to give men good hugs when half of them interpret it as romantic interest or develop romantic feelings for you. In my own experience, even just showing genuine interest and kindness beyond basic politeness has made men develop feelings or think I was romantically interested in them. Some of them were really stubborn about it too. Having to repeatedly reject someone is not a fun thing to do... It always leaves a bad taste for me as I don't feel like I'm any better than anyone else. So yes. Everyone who is touch deprived and/or lonely. Go seek therapy. Find ways to be more close with more than one person. And know that touch and kindness ≠ romantic love. You don't necessarily need a romantic partner to meet those needs.

[@jayking7713]

I feel like suicide isn't a constant struggle... More of a one-and-done type affair "Struggling with thoughts of suicide" makes more sense

[@nineteendixoncider]

Holy shit! Thanks for the tips, Rajesh Koothrappali!

[@shpalman7]

I do a dance called balboa, which means I get to hug a different woman every few minutes for a whole evening

[@geistzilla]

Asking for a friend - if you go to a mental health professional and express thoughts of suicide, aren’t they obligated by law to lock you up on a 72-hour hold? My buddy is worried if that were to happen, he would lose his job and respect of his peers and make everything way worse. He’s terrified of seeking professional help and he keeps it to himself and some friends who won’t judge him (definitely not his wife and kids).

[@wabbajocky8235]

i don't think so. that's the whole reason people go to therapy, to express their dark thoughts freely without any judgment and seek help for it. the entire industry would be a sham if they just locked people up. though my reply is a month late so this is probably redundant since your buddy could've already gone to therapy.

[@K-ch4n]

My entire life has just been "this is an appropriate reaction to a terrible situation", every therapist I saw said something like that and rarely could they help because of it. All I wished for most of my life was that they'd just finally diagnose something or tell me something is wrong that I can do something about, but no. It's the most frustrating thing. Yes you can learn how to adapt your reaction to your bad situation, if you can't get out of it, but that's a whole process of it's own and took me years to learn how to do.

[@captainstabbin1230]

What happens when you're the stray dog that they can't lure in with goodies.

[@everydaytwiceonsundays4498]

Just a thought, but what about taking care of pets/animals to alleviate touch deprivation?

[@Kaeribana]

I think the worst situation can somebody be in, is when you can't die nor live. You're too afraid to die, and in fact you don't even really want to die, but you are also too depressed to live, you want to do thinks, you want to get out of this situation but you are simply paralysed. You're just trapped in-between, you just exist with the guilt feeling of not being able to change your life, but neither die.

[@user-on6db4rf4s]

just keep pushing through at least thats what i tell myself

[@charlesroberson1387]

TFW when you've been the dog and the porch shat on with different people

[@0Scoops]

Just kiss the homies good night

[@youarelife3437]

Dude just called me a dog LOL

[@spacebunsarah]

So there’s no actual advice for dudes here… the answer afaik is hug your friends and be fucking nice and vulnerable for a change. Also, get a cat, not even joking. They are shown to help. Wish I’d learned something from this for my friends who struggle.

[@vivvpprof]

The actual advice is: work with a psychologist on analyzing why you push people away and cannot form normal interpersonal relationships.

[@trumpsextratesticle8590]

Women are told to have sexual flings , the men get told to get a cat. Abusive "help" isnt help- its just more abuse.

[@spacebunsarah]

@@trumpsextratesticle8590 that’s because I can post like 2 random selfies and get a rotation for every night of the week and guys cant

[@creeper_triste]

I LOVE this analogy so much.

[@FaithwWorks]

young people are just cold nowadays