Emotional Self-Intimacy: What It Is And How To Foster It

[@farihawasti4771]

True self-love is not getting rid of your shadow self, but learning to love those parts of yourself and why they exist.

[@Sunnyfield323]

So shadow self is the same as her reference to “ where you hide from yourself “ or deny .. eg I should feel happy about this amazing thing but I don’t

[@felipearchondo5949]

True self-knowledge is realizing you *are* your shadow self. It's not "over there"

[@Indigo4Sol]

@@felipearchondo5949cherry on top. 🍒🍰

[@chigirllchigirll]

True self love is loving that shadow too yet knowing when it is the shadow taking over . That higher you is the one who notices the shadow

[@robrobusa]

Or at least accepting them and co-existing with them.

[@jemmastar5649]

BABE WAKE UP-HEIDI PRIEBE JUST DROPPED ANOTHER BANGER

[@heidipriebe1]

😂💜

[@SaraFreedMiami]

Infrequently posted videos 😮 0:02 so what's next?

[@kawaiikina3618]

Unfortunately the like button can only be pressed once

[@MeSaytan]

It is gross how humans speak.

[@kowotie_e]

interesting how trying to live as our “authentic self” isn’t exactly following the stories we tell ourselves about who we are or who others perceive us as but rather experiencing our own emotions authentically, with no filter and no judgement. thank you for this new knowledge!

[@GinaMarieGuyette]

Really helps me understand why "reinvent yourself" articles kept losing me with "What do you want to be known for?"

[@ArchAngel435]

​@@GinaMarieGuyettehow so? Do you mean we need to get to know ourselves before we can even know what we want to be known for ?

[@peanutbutterjelly7682]

Intimacy is when someone is hiding, trying to shield themselves from the world in some way, and someone comes and finds them, and sits with them, and gets to know their hiding place, and gets familiar with it instead of judging it or trying to bring them out of it

[@Tass1919]

Into me u see-intimacy!!

[@akitacachiacosta985]

“When you are living in avoidance, you are cutting yourself off from your life force” 🔥🙏

[@c.kainoabugado7935]

And that was the point of doing it when we first started doing it. That's DONE💯

[@kyuuki_kitsune]

This is nearly 30 full minutes of distilled and expertly presented wisdom, the most impressive video I've seen in a long time. Your expertise and experience is so evident, and you should be proud of what you're doing here. This is the kind of healing so many people need.

[@hamster4574]

yes

[@milenabrouwer-milovanovic8556]

Exactly, thank you Heidi 😊

[@margaretwordnerd5210]

Agreed. Also, beautiful screen name. ✌

[@kyuuki_kitsune]

@@margaretwordnerd5210 A kitsune enjoyer I take it? ^^

[@margaretwordnerd5210]

@@kyuuki_kitsune mostly by proxy. I enjoy kitsune in fantasy fiction and art. My daughter the Japanophile has shown me some lovely kitsune manga, but I forget the artist and title. Folklore has deep roots and wide, richly laden branches. It can be retold in so many magical ways. I'd be interested in your take on kitsune.

[@rebeccajones9757]

Asking questions without judging is powerful

[@kirstieperez2704]

Honestly, the field of psychology simply COULD NOT AFFORD YOU. I hope you become the household name for what you truly wish to leave in your legacy. Thank you for your videos, I genuinely mean that. You are so talented!

[@nikolalisa]

💯 agree. Wow. You have a gift.

[@itsmekimmielc]

As a child/teen my parents top way of 'discipline' was to send me to my room ' until I could behave better, talk nice, etc..' But there was no help for me once I was sent away. I was on my own to get to a place that was acceptable to the rest of the family. Unfortunately there was no examination or looking at what was going on with me that i was acting out in the first place; only the getting to the end... which was the socially acceptable outward appearance of being under control/happy/getting along with others. I think I learned to jump from negative feelings to shoving that part of me down deep and only showing a pleasant personality to the public/family. My religion I was raised in (Cult, really) also hammered this into me. I sorely needed this video. This is the first video I've really connected with. I can see I need to work on self-intimacy before I can truly have intimacy with others. Thank you for the tools and discussion. "hiding spots". Brilliant. Thank You.

[@zerotoanime3953]

Raised in a cult too

[@CoffeeKillersClub]

I wasn't in a cult, but that was my go to punishment. I reverted to "Can I come out now?" on echo repeat to get attention until I was scolded into silence where I would stare at the ceiling until I fell asleep. When I wasn't in trouble as a kid I had to constantly follow my busy family around or else be left alone, usually I was told to go occupy or entertain myself. It's not bad on it's own, but when the person telling you these things, as a child, is your soul source of society, I don't think it comes out healthy. Once I was allowed video games, well that was the end of "entertain yourself", I don't recall ever hearing it again. Feels like I was just being gotten rid of. Now that I'm gone from home, it took me a decade of hard work to entice any resemblance of my parents being interested in my absence. They still don't bother me, and they don't bother to see how I am doing or feel or think or encourage. Unless I actively seek them out, they have never in my life actively encouraged me, no advice, no life lessons except to scold me or tell me a dumb ass story. Mmmm being honest with myself is not fun, but it needs to be done. The third tier of intimacy she is talking about it, in both videos, was an enigma to me until today. No wonder I've been driving people out of my life (and being driven out of theirs) like the plague. I see very clearly this path I am on is turning into a mountain range, but there is a pass over that way somewhere...

[@2degucitas]

​@@CoffeeKillersClub they didn't raise you, they gave you life, food, a room and nothing else. I'm sorry that happened to you. Good luck in your adventure.

[@ForgiveMyMadness]

jehovahs witness or mormon, perhaps...? because SAME.

[@melissasmuse]

@@ForgiveMyMadness Mormon for me.

[@ephajanke3242]

It´s so rare to find a very emotional mature and intelligent person (in real life and) on the internet. Especially nowadays where many people talk about the narcissism and toxidity OF OTHERS, but not so much about looking (gently and understanding) at yourself (and others). Great and helpful content. Thank you so much.

[@margaretwordnerd5210]

I had to study narcissistic abuse until I understood my damage. I've been looking for this video since I realized I have become emotionally numb and detached from everyone including myself. The only person I trust is my grown daughter. She is also damaged and has entirely different coping methods. She and I are learning to set and respect boundaries and trigger issues, to be gentle and supporting without hurting or betraying ourselves. It's a remarkably beautiful journey.

[@ArchAngel435]

​@@margaretwordnerd5210the journey of self discovery makes the pain of narc abuse so worthwhile

[@nik8423]

To hide my emotions like fear, anxiety, shame, loneliness (emotional, romantic), guilt, lack of companionship, I dissociate from reality by Maladaptive day Dreaming. Through it I try to make me feel loved and cared for. But I should try to sit with those emotions to feel them instead of suppressing them deep inside my mind. Thank you Heidi for this 30 minutes full of so valuable wisdom❤

[@tiffanyhilgendorf3356]

Same!! I started very young with obsessively reading fiction- sometimes books in a row for 6-8 hrs straight- and now I just do it in my head. It prevents me from truly living my real life in the moment, blurs what feelings are real or not, and prevents me from growing. Hope you are in a good place in your growth!

[@itneverwillbefar]

It's so sad to see myself and others stuck in fear and avoidance of life thinking they don't have the strength to face difficult things, when in truth we are all capable of truly amazing feats of emotional endurance, and have waiting for us on the other side a really deep and fulfilling human experience. Videos like this give people the instruction and courage to face those difficult things and discover that strength and depth. I really learned a lot about this topic. I also appreciate how you made a point to mention that the ego self isn't inherently bad or wrong. We developed a story-telling brain for a reason, and you're so right that at times it's super useful and helpful, and that knowing when to be able to step outside of that is the key.

[@Indigo4Sol]

Thank you for this, very well said. ❤

[@karsten9895]

@Indigo4Sol I concur.

[@vees_reflections]

as someone who is self-reflecting every minute of the day, i thought i knew everything about myself. but i tend to withdraw from discomfort even if i tell myself i do well with discomfort. your example of spinning a hard experience into something positive was right on the nose. i have always done it and am in a place that i am now confronting that tendency. i thought it was a “good” trait to have, always seeing the glass half full. but it has always been a way to cope and move forward rather than be present with what i’m feeling in the moment. thank you for your in-depth analysis and examples. i will be watching this again soon

[@ArchAngel435]

Nice point. I stayed 25 yrs in a toxic narc relationship because I was always seeing a glass half full. Now I know it's OK to see it half empty, deal with my shame, disappointment and sadness and heal from a lifelong disability

[@jenjencannon3224]

Heidi... so many therapists out here rambling on and on about intimacy and attachment styles and growing through relationship, but they all sound like they are just trying to heal themselves and work through their own problems. You sound confident and knowledgeable in a different way. I really enjoy listening to you.... and I'm able to focus and think about my own perspective when you talk. Thanks for doing this work!

[@TracyJohnson-sp9ng]

Exactly. This is way more practical sounding than many of the therapists I've seen in person. The last two spent most of our time together trying to become by bestie.

[@tuesgirlw]

This is rather unfair to the many qualified therapists who may have spent a large portion of their 5 years of training learning about themselves in great depth. There are other non judgemental and kind ways you could express your opinion. I wonder why you feel this need to write such a comment.

[@cynthiasoolihua2410]

Hi Heidi, I just wanted to share with you that I think this video has changed my perspective of myself, how I treat myself, and how much I can trust in myself. Despite the fact I'm a multiple times over CSA and DA survivor, I can be very critical and cruel to myself over my shortcomings, thought processes and internal experience. Often I criticise myself very sharply about my coping habits, or triggers, or boundaries, and often punish myself for them by disallowing myself any positive experience or moment of joy if it happens 'too soon' after something bad happens to me or between me and my close ones. I am very in-tune with naming my feelings accurately, and while I am introspective enough to know the 'why's but I never considered how poorly I treat the little girl inside me for being angry, afraid, hyperaware, or devastated. I've since tried just once, to ask myself without judgement 'tell me more about why you feel like your partner will cheat on you', and it led to so many other, different feelings. Like self-worth, self-trust, my childhood experiences, the way my parents relationship happened. But most of all, after I kept asking myself the same no-judgement question to each new feeling, and positively reassuring myself that I am not delusional, not toxic, not a narcissist, not abusive, not ugly, not worthless, not useless, for having very justifiable fears given my life experience... I felt my entire body, from the inside out, start to relax in a way I have not felt for a decade and a half. I've been told so many times that I hold so much tension in my body. I never really knew what people meant and chalked it up to 'oh i was abused so obviously'. But now I can see that it's not my past my body is afraid of. It's me. It's the way I treat myself. The way I abuse the little girl inside me into trying to be what I want her to be. Just like so many once did to her. I don't want to fail her - myself - the same way I was failed anymore. So thank you for giving me the key to finally making that first step towards truly loving myself. Who I was, who I am now, and who I can now choose to be.

[@stabletableandcrafts]

Wow. This really helped me. I am a survivor of childhood emotional neglect. And I am full of fear. I always thought it was fear of others. But now I see it’s fear of neglecting myself. Thank you for sharing your experience

[@francespotter7697]

That's a very honest and brave message, well done and thank you for inspiring us all.

[@MauryFuen]

9:47 So, in a nutshell, what the process of building self intimacy is, is the process of lessening our resistance to our inner experience. * Genius! 🙏🏻🤩

[@azoz158]

Omg. This is like opening the third eye. Wtf is this magic. As someone with extreme social anxiety that i do not know where it's coming from, i have never thought about asking myself why i am feeling this

[@dazpearce2096]

Great video - a lot of us as kids were taught to repress/bottle up/hide any negative feelings as part of 'seen and not heard' type childhoods. We were taught that we were mascots/cheerleaders and not real 'players' and told to act good/nice accordingly. This often manifests itself as an inability to reconcile negative feelings wit this requirement to be 'nice' or 'good' all the time. It's ok to be sad/angry/exasperated sometimes, you don't need to spend your life being a cheerleader or Polyana.

[@HH-kg4fq]

Thank you for making these videos so accessible to so many people. You are helping to create a SAFER society. If everyone had easy access to this information, then we wouldn't have as many people who are emotionally and mentally sick, and harming other people and themselves, intentionally or unintentionally

[@Ludawig]

I really wish education would normalize lessons like this. Thank you for the video!

[@Ethiopianpiano]

I'm crying watching this

[@anonymouskat6661]

Heidi, this video is brilliant. I usually don't know what to do with my emotions and so yes I avoid them like the plague. Especially my intense ones like shame, and rejection. It can be so painful and scary. It is comforting to my parts to hear, that the best way to handle them, is not only to feel them, but to ask them; "is there more?". To investigate further (be curious) because it means my emotions aren't just here to torture me, but to share something important with me. I am sort of excited for the next opportunity to practice being here for myself. Thank you Heidi.

[@LaCiguapaRebelde]

Watching this content feels like I'm solving my life's puzzle piece by piece. I was trying to fit the wrong pieces for a long time, and now, the right pieces seem to be coming to me. I have to pause through every one of these videos, and take my time to process the information I'm getting. I'm watching these videos as if I were taking a class; taking my time to reflect and to implement the teachings. Girl! Thank you from the deepest little corner of my soul. I am so thankful that I found your channel. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[@3-DtimeCosmology]

My feeling exactly

[@celinefrancesca114]

I’ve always thought a good metaphor for giving advice before truly knowing and validating the problem itself is like trying to offer someone food on a dirty plate. Clean the plate first, validate the emotion , validate what they’re experiencing, and then your offering is more useful because the problem is actually seen and heard.. metaphorically speaking… clean my plate first before tryna fill it with food!

[@dooorthvader]

Heidi why are you posting so much content that is sooo relatable to my life right now?? You are so awesome, thank you!! Your channel has contributed so much to my healing journey ❤

[@irayakovenko7159]

For mine too! And it feels exactly how you described- the right things at the right time. And I'm from Ukraine, so you see how these experiences are totally normal and common. Big thanks to Heidi!❤

[@rebeccajones9757]

The way she explains stuff is digestible and makes it easy to understand.

[@fradie_54]

Same same same!!!

[@dorotejadokoza318]

I totally agree with Dorotea 😄

[@ilikechococookies342]

“Maybe if I reach a goal and don’t feel how I thought I would, I’m a person that enjoys the process more than the result, so I can integrate that knowledge into focusing on the excitement of the process rather than expecting joy at reaching the goal” that hit me like a truck, what an incredibly valuable reframing. Thank you so much ❤❤❤

[@chanibanny]

Gosh Heidi you are amazing❤ so much of this felt like "duh, this makes so much sense" yet I've been to therapy since I was 15 (I'm 32 now) and I'm a therapist myself, and I still had so many aha moments throughout this video. It's obvious that these are truths ypu built inside of you, not just something you heard or read. It's so real. Thank you for sharing thus with us. It helps me personally and on my practice. You're creating a very special ripple effect.

[@foofyflutie87]

Thank you for clarifying that we don’t need to shame our coping mechanisms. The fear of being denied my mechanisms has kept me from wanting to do the whole “sitting with my feelings.” Sometimes I can’t even access my deeper emotions without weed because my shutdown reaction is soooooo strong.

[@WillN2Go1]

Kind of technical. I'll watch it again, maybe a few times. I'm one of those guys who's climbed mountains, went backpacking in a place because it's full of bears, and sailed across an ocean. Emotionally? Intimacy has the same feeling of challenge, risk, adventure and like good physical challenges can be life challenging without having to be life risking. (I became a sailor because it's now so much safer than it used to be, the boats are more reliable, the gear is better. ) The rewards of both the physical and emotional challenges are worth the effort and the effort is endlessly fascinating. Definitely the goals exist to give the challenges some direction. Anywhere you get to is an achievement over not starting. I remember the moment I finally climbed off the dikiretto in Japan and also the moment when a therapist told me something I realized my brain refused to hear. The third time she repeated it, I wrote it down word by word. Similar challenges one had height, loose rocks and bats, the other.... all the dangers of understanding something my brain was determined I shouldn't know. Amazing videos.

[@SierraGax]

Letting things flow naturally also matters when dealing with the other side of feeling emotions: when you have great difficulty feeling your emotions alexithymia. If you try to force t your emotions up you may close up even more or experience backlash from your body/mind. Do what you can to create space and trust within your system and naturally let whatever comes up come up and try not to force anything. Just notice emotions/sensations or the absence of them

[@hele4299]

I used to live my life in absolute terror and disgust in my (unclothed) body. I'd avoid looking at it (especially when showering or getting dressed) religiously. What has helped me is realizing that even though I tolerate myself more with clothes, underneath I still look the way I look, whether I look at it or not. Avoiding a problem doesn't make it disappear, so there's really no point in avoiding it.

[@RuthofBoaz]

I’ve noticed a new feeling lately that I never knew. The more I realize how much emotional pain I have from many different directions (rejection, abandonment, shame, fear) the more I get this heavy feeling in my heart. All my life I have built a wall between myself and my feelings which left me numb. Now, the more I encounter the volume of these emotions, the more intense the physical pain in my chest becomes. It’s almost unbearable at times.

[@ChristianM16]

I appreciate this video in particular. I feel a bit nauseous and twitchy when it comes to seeing the depth of vulnerability I miss. Right now it’s intensifying my breathing when thinking of feeling my authentic truth at all time it’s honestly brings me into tears with how removed I’ve been from my truest self. I’ll give it a try many times until get comfortable without running but this is tough. I have done what you mentioned about not telling ppl the whole story out of not trusting many ppl that I had a horrible time taking advance for feeling deeply misunderstood and rebellious to guidance at times. Thank you for that I never knew that it was because I wasn’t telling them enough

[@russellmingus2590]

The curious other sardine brought me to tears. These last two intamcy videos have been some of the most impactful moments of understanding that I can recall in my life. I'm feeling like I can see the the light coming over the top of the valley. ❤ Now to put the practice to the hope.

[@popcultureperspectives164]

This is so weird. Yesterday, I wrote how I've started to individuate myself from enmeshment with my Covert narcissist grandma (who I caregive). I can't afford therapy and have no support system, so I have to be my own therapist and support system. My grandma frequently deflects personal responsibility with everything from outright insults to silent treatment and walking off. One of the many insults recently hurled at me was "sl...ut". And I've grown so adept at sitting my emotions aside in effort of meeting her needs (the way a parent should)....I said, "All right. I'm a sl...ut. Let's evaluate the facts of this. Is that true of me?" "For the last 9 years, I've maintained absolute celibacy to meet the needs of your caregiving. I haven't been on a single date... not with a romantic companion or friends. The last time I had any kind of romantic intimacy... from handholding to the greater extremes was over 9 years ago. In my younger years, after my first love and fiance practically ditched me at the altar, I dated around after family harrassed me with their "plenty of fish" demands to get over it and move on. So, while you (my grandma) was lucky enough to marry the first man you dated and maintain a lifelong relationship with that man. I was not so lucky. And you married a man that you admittedly did not love when wedding him... meaning your first act of intimacy was with someone you hadn't yet loved. I loved who I was first intimate with. So, by my definition of morality... No. I do not view myself as a "sl... ut". Basically, I went through the process you're describing without knowing there's such a process defined by therapy. And I'll tell you, having developed it myself for myself, it does work. It helps to individuate from the trauma of enmeshment and build true self-awareness distinct from one's own and other's gaslighting. I may forever hear the echos of my grandma's insults, but I also know what does and doesn't define me.

[@kash.e.w2936]

Your grandma’s behavior is evident of developing dementia. I’ve been a professional caregiver for many years, and almost 100% of the time these jarring behaviors get worse(more apparent) and jarring later in life. You’re doing an incredible job as it is to self reflect and work through your unpleasant situation, and it’s incredibly inspiring. A lot of people don’t have the patience for such level of care. Only a suggestion- look into the early stages of dementia and continue doing your best to let the insults and lack of empathy from grandma roll off of you. Reflecting on them is always helpful, as long as you function from the (likely) unfortunate place that these behaviors MAY only not change, but continue to progress. Especially if the onset of dementia is a factor. Hugs to you and keep being amazing❤️

[@popcultureperspectives164]

@@kash.e.w2936 Thank you so much for your kind and considerate response. I have noticed it's an issue of the veil thinning with my grandma's mental and emotional decline. She's not as good at wearing the mask she'd warn for all of her life. I don't even blame her for being a covert narcissist, considering the generation she grew up in and the cultural standards/pressures where women were treated like children way into adulthood by their parental spouses that took-on a "daddy" role which could be both very doting and spoiling in addition to aggressive and punishing at signs of independence and individuality. It's been hard for me to realize this is who my grandma really is as I'm introduced to the real her. Especially when I loved the mask she so eloquently wore. It's hard to learn what she's really thought of me all this time and just how many times I've been manipulated as my every shared confidence in a one-time trusted friend and family elder becomes an attack from one who knows me best and how-to hit where it hurts most. Admittedly, I have struggled with facing much consideration of dementia. The diagnosis is too terrifying. I see it. I watch it happening. I watch the veil thin. I witness the short term memory loss grow by the day. I hear the frightening statements and questions that come from a mind that more and more lacks the capacity for any real discernment. I'm fatigued by how the simplest things are made so difficult and challenging in circular conversations made into battles that never go anywhere. I can never conquer the beast of selective hearing. I can never break the sound barrier even when the silence is so loud. I can't reach the spirit behind eyes growing more vacant and hollow when not filled with rage... rage at how her life should've been...rage at all the times she stayed silent when she wished she would've screamed. My grandma doesn't regret any lost love as we so often hear. She doesn't regret all the times she's never confessed love. She regrets never telling truth to those she hated. She regrets not fighting. So, she fights me. I have become all those disappeared people from her past. I'm the school teacher she had in the 2nd grade. I'm the in-law that kept coming over despite not being wanted as a guest. I'm the many enemies she never had the strength to stand against in what makes everything a tug-of-war. Pleas for compassion are met with eye rolls. Attempts at explaining shut down with equal dismissive gestures. Sometimes I don't know if she's losing it or I am. But I do know your kind response was much needed and very much appreciated.

[@jeanannedupratt7075]

​@@popcultureperspectives164You are not losing it. How articulate you are. A proof of being well + together. Your grandmother is literally dying from an enormous mental declutter job which has long since had to have been done, wasn't + probably never will be. So keep faith in yourself. You are all good. God Bless, 👏👏👏💐🌿❤️

[@ArchAngel435]

​@@jeanannedupratt7075thank you for underscoreing the need to declutter our mind. I could very easily grow into an old crank like her. I don't want to be an emotional burden to my beautiful children.

[@ryanslings6234]

Heidi Priebe, philosopher extraordinaire. I would be ecstatic if you were able to tie some Jungian shadow work concepts into this scientific method extrapolation of self intimacy. You're delving into developing a whole new paradigm for individual psychology for "normal" people.

[@ginax1044]

Shadow work concepts yes!

[@lucius7625]

Yessss please!

[@GD-bc1zz]

This is the first time I've come to fully understand the purrpose of boundaries--"knowing our biundaries is crucial to trusting ourselves to experience happiness, excitement, and joy. If we don't have one, we're just going to get scared and not allow ourselves to have the other."

[@vidheyaprem]

Your channel is a treasure 🌟 Love you, Heidi 🤩

[@StorytellingHeadshots]

Wow Heidi… this channel you’ve created is really remarkable- Your voice is unique and the quality of your content exceeds what is typically out there in this space. Each video you’ve posted has been- “rich” is the word that springs to mind-steeped with insight, honesty, and authenticity. It’s really inspiring. I hope you keep going. ❤️

[@Natalie.is.beautiful]

Thank you for this video. I am a life long avoider of my emotions since I was taught that the majority of them were not acceptable when I was young. I feel overwhelmed at the thought of sitting in my hiding place, terrified even. But I’m so tired of not experiencing joy and happiness along with that. It’s so true, it’s what I’m finding when I avoid my scary emotions I also avoid my happy ones. 😢thank you

[@sarahahamed970]

This is the most important video I have watched in my entire life. I have always thought self love is the answer, but this goes so much deeper than that. Thank you so much for this.

[@MANIFESTFASTWITHJASMINE]

I’ve never heard anyone explain emotional intelligence topics so well. Close runner ups, but she takes the cake 🎂 🎉

[@Sourpusscandy]

Wow that was profound! Lots to look at and think about. I’m aware of how I avoid the unpleasant, either cleaning, videos, or cooking Indian food. Avoid the feelings. So much of my present life is hugely disappointing, in every direction. It gets overwhelming.

[@ArchAngel435]

My life too but it has come to a point that I cannot numb anymore. I can't cook, clean, shop or watch movies. It's unbearable at times

[@onyerbike4713]

This is one of the most credible channels in this genre. Thank you Heidi for sharing the fruits of your hard work over the years 🙏

[@barbelarmbroster6524]

Oh my Godness, THAT'S the way I tamed my inner hellhound! Till now I was quite incapable of describing what kind of inner work I was/am actually doing. Thank you dear Heidi💕

[@karenhunsberger2788]

Thank you Heidi Priebe!❤ what a public service you are doing.

[@theincfiles]

Thank you! You made me realize that instead of shaming and repressing the parts of me that are deeply sensitive to criticism out of fear of drowning in shame and fear, I need to sit with her, treat her with compassion, and integrate her into me. Not with the goal of erasing her, but living with her and being intimate with myself. Thank you for your insight.

[@kichakra]

Looking, being curious and emphatetic towards our scariest and hurtful places: it leads to more self-knowledge, as the pain will tell you ev3ryrhing you need

[@catherinefrancis3537]

Literally doing a public service here. Your videos are so insightful and helpful. ❤

[@biondna7984]

I just finished listening to this video and your video on how we use limerence, or infatuation with another, to regulate ourselves. Your insights are invigorating and encouraging. Thank you. I'm suffering with the worst limerence I've ever had, for a married person. I will NOT act on it; I avoid him and don't contact him. And I do feel compassion for myself: two years ago my beloved husband died of Alzheimer's; before that was five years of having to take over everything, all financial, physical, social and legal matters, moving 750 miles away from every friend and professional contact I had, to take care of him full time, enduring the isolation imposed by his disease and then also Covid, and getting severe adrenal fatigue from that marathon. I'm recovered from the adrenal fatigue, active in a club, taking dance classes, looking for new women friends, volunteering, back on my bike, and on dating websites, meeting men for brief coffee dates. Recently found a new life coach to replace the one who's retiring. I'm doing my best to build a new life for myself, but realize I'm starting from Ground Zero and, how shall I put it, not all the fires are out. No wonder I feel like a basket case.

[@bens5859]

That sounds incredibly tough, I can't imagine weathering a storm like that. I'm so sorry about your husband. I really admire your resilience as well as your integrity. It is so easy to start making selfish decisions in trying times and yet you have it under control. I hope to remember your example when faced with difficult times of my own.

[@biondna7984]

@@bens5859 This is very kind of you. Thank you.

[@kash.e.w2936]

You are an incredible person. Reading your experience is extremely valuable and inspiring to me (and many many others). I know first hand how heartbreaking and exhausting caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is, so just that part alone makes me wish I could give you the longest heart-to-heart hug. Your resilience after adrenal fatigue is inspiring because I experienced this soul crushing situation and healed ONLY because I had unlimited familial support. The fact that you healed from adrenal fatigue WHILE still in the trenches of your myriad of other struggles/life changes, is why your strength is through the roof in my eyes (and again in many many others’). There’s was no way I was gonna pass up on expressing these words to you. You deserve way more words of appreciation and encouragement, so I can’t pass up on my part although a comment online isn’t nearly enough. Through your moments of self doubt, please remember your own strength and more importantly, how much love and appreciation you deserve to experience. Much love and healing hugs to you❤️

[@biondna7984]

@@kash.e.w2936 THank you so much. This is very encouraging.

[@kloebl10]

This is exactly where I'm at and where I'm stuck in my self-healing journey. Thank you so much for this video. It is in complete alignment with what I need to address right now.

[@ShaneJoshua1980]

I have recently ended a relationship, granted I recognised I had major attachment issues, I realised i didnt really know myself and really love myself to understand myself better. That is what I am working on now and this video perfectly encapsulates why it is so important.

[@agata5159]

I’ve recently discovered your channel and I’m addicted hahahh I’m trying to figure out how life is supposed to feel like because I haven’t gotten actually any examples of “normal”/healthy or even average quality relationships in my childhood and I’ve been struggling with depression for about 5 years now so I don’t really understand how people can actually be happy. I’m turning 19 this year but I still feel like a child inside. Now I’m trying to develop in myself healthy habits examples of which I have lacked in my life. I’ve been in therapy for a while now and recently your videos helped me figure out some issues to bring up there. Thanks for your great content❤

[@lifewithyenkosi1922]

Thank you Heidi for this video. As a person who has often been out of touch with their emotions for almost all their lives, I appreciate this as a daily practice and have recently found that all my emotions that were hidden deep inside come out in overwhelming ways such as hysterical crying but happy to be healing and getting to know who I really am.

[@Roselyne_S]

I'll definitely have to rewatch this video a few more times but it's so cool to realize that I have already started doing the "sitting with my negative emotions" thing! Starting therapy, and having a therapist with whom the connection is really nice, helped so much. Because I didn't want to go each week and rehash the same issues, subconsciously, I started really taking time to sit with any strong feelings that arose. I realized some of my friends really weren't and sat with the feeling for an evening, which allowed me to purge my friendships and realize I actually did have quite a few people that DID love me. AND that those people loved me despite my traumas and my flaws, that I was not inherently unlovable. I'm so excited to notice such big changes in only a month and a half, from simply listening to myself a bit more than I used to, and I'll try my best to keep making a conscious effort to keep doing so! Thank you for that video, it really made me feel like recovery is possible, even if slow!

[@Rosewiled]

I think the concept that behaving out of alignment with our self perception alerts us to our boundaries, is the single most profound piece of self help info I have ever heard. So many times I have supressed sadness, anger or disgust because it conflicted with my desire to self identity as loving, caring or kind, when I now realise, as you stated, that occasional instances of not being loving, caring or kind are necessary and don't take away from my kindness. Indeed, how loving or caring is it really to reject your own feelings and needs to protect the feelings of others or allow them to mistreat you? Not at all.

[@dracleirbag5838]

Man I looked at some of your videos from just a few years ago and you have really become an expert in this field good job and congrats keep going write a book

[@aliciacoleman7519]

Very relatable and well explained for such a nuanced topic. I will be rewatching this one a few times so I can learn to be more present with all my feelings

[@Jam-m7m]

Thanks for teaching us how to heal ourselves ❤. Edit by me. I also do EFT Tapping. Feel your emotions and Tap. It is very simple and it works. But it is very useful to know good information on how to work with others.

[@jamelquron8750]

Heidi this has been the key to my personal healing journey: practicing self-intimacy. And in another video you talked about writing an apology letter to your inner child which has aided me in connecting to myself. I realized I internalized my neglectful/emotionally abusive parent to my inner child and had to apologize to him for same neglect/abuse and confess to him that “ I am on his team”

[@muthonimutonga492]

This information is literally what I need now in my deconstruction journey with attachment and relationships. Thank you for your thoughtful information. ❤

[@joshuahutt]

Thanks!

[@Ethiopianpiano]

Thanks

[@miyane447]

5:38 LOVE THIS SMMM 😭😭😭😩😩😩😩 the way i shame myself when the way i feel or do stuff isnt in line with the story i tell myself. I just run away and ignore my feelings

[@claytonheals]

I'm laughing at you saying people giving advice being stupid because they don't know anything, but in reality we are giving the surface information and they don't have the information! haha I love the calling self out. So great! =)

[@incierdem2356]

Omg, I frikken LOVE YOU, too! Thank you so much for sharing this work with us, and for breaking it all down to basics. I am hugely avoidant, and didn't even think that emotions were important until last year. I had to read a book to figure that out! I'm 45 and I am beginning to learn this stuff like I am still a child, and I need it broken down to me as if it were being explained to a child. You're such a gift, thanks for all the words.

[@rubysushi]

Your videos have helped me immensely in my healing. I'm so grateful to have found your channel! Thank you so much for what you do.

[@mehere1482]

I have been loving your videos recently! They came at the exact time that I have been needing them. I also love that I have heard about different concepts that you speak about but, when it comes to your videos, I feel that I am able to learn about them in a different perspective and a more tangible way. Thank you for being you!

[@catalystcomet]

Had a feeling to look and check and this was posted 33 seconds ago! What a treat!

[@olgabarron7339]

I am so greatful I found your channel Heidi!!! This topic and all others you talk about are giving me so much hope . I love the way you explain the real problem and go to the root of it in detail. Todo bless you. 🌷🌹🌷

[@_so_ya_]

This is incredibly helpful. I've been stuck in figuring how I can "open my heart", as some might call it, and this. Is. It. Self intimacy is a beautiful way to practice trusting ourselves. I've quit tobacco, that I used to distract myself from these emotions that cause shame. And I want to be curious, again, not judgmental. This is amazing advice. Thank you for sharing.

[@neant2046]

This is one of the most expected of your videos for me. And again, what has been a shapeless mess in my head is now a neat and clear picture... Can't thank you enough for the set of tools that I got from you that is now helping me immensely to make sense of my own mind and the world around me. The metaphore with the 'sardines' game is brilliant! And easily memorable for urgent cases. And very, very healing. I'm very guilty of having played 'seek-n-hide' with my bottled up experiences before, this shift might be life-changing. P.S. with this video as a follow-up, the previous one really gets an extra layer of depth.

[@DockClock-rp2ro]

Learning the Falsification process helped me so much with my Narcissitic parent and my relationships. As-well as the Socratic Method. They both have things in common with some CBT "Mindfulness" methods. One of the best things I did was use my intellectualising, to figure out that intellectualising my emotions was a bad thing. Ironic, but it worked. c':

[@beremeansdancing7]

heidi you are an oblivion to how much your videos are getting me through this rough period of my life. im beyond thankful

[@trentsalamanca]

My eyes watered just by listening to your words in this video. It was actually an instant exercise of the content because I had no idea what caused those tears. It wasn’t sadness, grief or frustration. I don’t know the word for it, but it was like the feeling of relief after you take the most important exam of your life. I realized I was feeling relieved, but from what? Then I went on to think about the past when I’ve avoided possibilities of rejections in dates. I had been scared to death, for the entirety of my life, of any possibility of rejection. I was relieved that I can face the emotion of feeling rejected. I could image a wounded baby version of myself who was never cuddled, and so scared of the feeling of rejection. I rarely acknowledge my emotions. That’s why midway into the video, I had been doubtful on when I could practice the content I’m hearing. Thankfully, I could practice it right away. Thanks for providing phenomenal content, especially phrased in a way that moved my heavily shielded emotions.

[@agucci]

Meeting the self of the Law is the beat experience in human capacity. 🙏

[@fullnerd7975]

Heidi, thank you. I'm 44 and CPTSD has destroyed my marriage and relationship of 15 years. So much of what you say rings so true of my experiences. Thank you, because your videos are helping me to understand the why of what I do. Hopefully I can heal so that my future self can be happy with or without other relationships.

[@CTHD13]

This video finally hammered home how much human beings cannot be labeled and categorized. We are vast, nuanced, and something that can only be experienced over time.

[@B_Ellis11]

How??? How does someone become this well versed and well spoken on the human psyche?! So innately well spoken. After 20 minutes of an emotional release while listening, this is the best therapy I’ve received in a long time

[@ayushsinha2000]

This is divine knowledge. I am floored. I am amazed

[@annslow41]

As someone who has spent nearly the past 2 decades under the influence and is now recently sober, THANK YOU for all you have done to bring this information to the world. I have finally been able to begin understanding myself, and feel like for once in my life I have the tools to take control of my life and lead the life I WANT to live

[@the.emc33]

Love the point you make about gathering enough information about ourselves to make an honest assessment of our state and underlying causes of how we arrived there, or keep arriving at that state.

[@karimadigital1795]

This sounds like internal family systems and talking to your parts inside you. Very cool.

[@hristokrastev4312]

Phenomenal breakdown of emotional self-intimacy. Thank you!

[@kimmielovesparis1]

This made me really think. I’m hiding from those emotions I don’t want to feel…so much so there is no expressing them…the bad or the good. Journaled a little bit about it this morning and feels rather raw. Really great post. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

[@nounaboubou4513]

Girl, you're a blessing.

[@MidoriMuse]

21:44-22:40 is the best explanation of the value of boundaries that I’ve ever heard

[@krasbestendig]

I've always been so afraid to say no to certain things that I don't like, saying yes to certain things that would create the least friction. Afraid what me pushing back would result in. This video is taking about my current goal with my therapist and I hope I can integrate this form of ongoing introspection and "risk taking". Thank you!

[@user-fs5lc2dl7t]

Wow Heidi... I have heard of "food for thought". You just delivered a whole banquet...a smorgasbord to be sampled here and there... to "develop the taste" for who we really are... to take time to sample many thoughts and feelings we have avoided for various reasons in our lives...which may or may not even be valid... because we don't really know them!! Thank You!

[@ashley-bowers]

This video was so healing for me and gave me helpful tips to begin to give myself the intimacy I am seeking and not have to rely on a partner for it. I cannot thank you enough!

[@EdwinAvila]

Amazing Heidi. Thank you for making this. Thank you for all the work you have been putting into these videos. I am learning and making progress because of you. I am so grateful. I am learning to sit with my uncomfortable emotions thanks to you. I have been so focused on spinning my perspective on things to feel better, when in reality I have been shutting out my initial feelings. It turns out that is my authentic self I have been denying.

[@frederickhartray8364]

You are great. You explain things so clearly. It is hard to think that with all your knowledge you were not always aware, but I guess there is no better teacher than experience.

[@xfronwenzyoucamex]

Ch 8 was really revolutionary to me. I'm constantly invalidating my emotions because I think I'm being ungrateful or needlessly negative and I should be happy and excited by everything. I hadn't realized that I can just dislike things and move on.

[@kayleeslater6345]

The way you communicate, your choice words, it is so intentional and efficient!! I feel like I am peering down through crystal clear water when you speak! Amazing content ❤

[@elainehopper998]

YES!! Heidi you have such a special gift of communicating. I could listen to you for hours (and I have) as you have such smooth, clear and precise speech and choice of words and examples. I'm in awe.

Heidi, you are a treasure... I hope you know and feel that on the deepest level possible.

[@stevieB464]

Heidi, thank you for digging deep in this, especially the “how to.” I am truly grateful. Being honest, I really don’t know if I’ll have any more healing. I’ve put in so much effort since my world crashed down me in 2021. There are just so many layers. Too many, way too much trauma beginning when I was very young. Every time I think this is the way, I encounter more wounds and bandages. I know it takes time, money, energy, and hard work to heal. I have never been a quitter and have no plans to quit now. Unfortunately, I am older now and I feel so tired. I just don’t know how much more I can do. Regardless of my circumstance, your contributions to the body of knowledge is incredibly helpful to many of us. Again, thank you.

[@skippy7208]

Hey Stephen, there’s no rush and no time limit for these things. Don’t despair, you just need a bit of a rest for now ☺️

[@callistacovington6424]

this is the fourth video of yours I’ve watched now since a friend sent me a link to your video exploring using fantasy to self regulate a handful of hours ago! that led me to your videos on limerence (I now have a word to describe this survival mechanism that I have outgrown but still trips me up!) and have been in awe of the information you have presented here. I want to thank you for taking the time to share this literally lifesaving body of work. it is exactly the point of identifying what I have been struggling so hard with. I didn’t have the correct tools to navigate this on my own, and now I feel much better equipped. truly life altering. thank you! ❤️‍🔥

[@samanthadeanda5050]

This kind of content helps get parts of yourself "back online again," like your gut intuition. Which, based on my experience has been a much better tool for detection of narcissism, etc. in others than endless reels of "red flags," and other tag lines like "top ten signs of... In..." Fixating on this content lead to me blinding myself to the bigger picture, and compromised my ability to discern between others. Being overly suspicious of others that really did have me...pushed them away.

[@TSAmelia]

I had a feeling I needed to watch this today, and I was right. The part about the emphatic YES and looking at my nos really struck me. I allow myself to get into situations where I'm not feeling that absolute yes, especially in romantic relationships. I feel uneasy about something and convince myself that I should be ok with it instead of taking a pause or step back and looking at why I feel ill at ease. This gives me a great metric now for investigating those feelings, and also a reason to decline, so thank you!

[@GeneralEP1C]

I relate to this soooo much. I tell a story about how the problem is actually me, and I need to act or think differently, rather than being present with the unease I'm actually feeling in my body, and sitting with that--and it's happened in a few different romantic relationships. Thank you for making this comment--makes me feel a little less alone.

[@benevolentconcepts]

You are very wise, relatable, and I can feel your compassion. I don’t usually subscribe to these types of channels, but I had to Subscribe after watching this one because I feel you are a supportive voice to have in my corner. Thank you.

[@monicablack6999]

This is my favorite video on the internet. Thanks Heidi Priebe

[@SesshoumaruVsHibari]

this is so helpful and what I’ve been looking for for a long time. I want to learn more and understand more about myself, but sometimes, the deeper I dig into my inner space, the more comfortable I feel. Sometimes, the problem, neglect and trauma were there for quite a while, so the resistance of learning and understanding them feels extremely overwhelming. I’m glad I’m sitting with myself through these moments, and just spending time doing nothing but letting myself rest and processing my emotions seems strangely unfamiliar yet calming at the same time. I’m so glad I started this journey for myself, though uncomfortable, is confirmed by this video to be the right path to take.