Emotional Regulation: Somatic Tools, Feeling Safe, and Self-Acceptance | Being Well

One of the most important skills we can learn is how to regulate ourselves, riding the emotional waves without either ignoring or being overwhelmed by them. Associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins me to explore how we can feel our feelings while staying calm, collected, and in control. We walk through two examples of under- and over-regulation, and Elizabeth offers specific practices that might help in each common situation.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:40 Creating safety and connection with a new client
6:20 Therapy as an opportunity for reparative experiences
9:40 Learning to regulate when you have traumatized parts
16:55 What’s helped Elizabeth heal patterns of overregulation and dissociation
22:55 A hypothetical dialogue with an overregulated client
28:20 Titration and traumatic release
32:15 Labeling and accepting emotions, and empowering the “wise adult”
39:20 A hypothetical dialogue with an underregulated client
45:35 Celebrating when we notice our patterns
49:00 Movement, tapping, tremoring, journaling, and other practices
53:40 Finding a supportive community
57:00 Being with your body, and following your curiosity
58:35 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson

[@candaceheidenrich6278]

Regulation….my key takeaways….thank you. 1. Tapping cheeks, chin, forehead, head, chest 2. Shake hands, bounce, squeeze hips, face yoga 3. Identify the feeling mentally, I am ______. It is okay. 4. Grounding self while it’s happening…in room, etc. 5. Community of safe people 6. Self-Parenting…put your child self on your lap, hold her, pat her on the back….IFS…speak to the voices…. 7. Dance, walk, stretch, ballet…. 8. Follow your curiosity to find your best ways to regulate 9. Hyper vigilant…mental manager operating…sway….find place in body 10. Repressed…pushing energy down, can’t take lid off…. 11. Change stories - recreate story endings to dreams, voices, etc.

[@swapnask7466]

Thankyou for sharing

[@sarahaziz6963]

THANK U SO MUCH :) :) :)

[@KarebelleMissKarebear]

This is a great list of pointers. Many to choose from in order to remember in 'the moment'

[@paula.nasmith]

Thank you!

[@sayusayme7729]

Thank you so much

[@horrorgore_]

Something about sweet Elizabeth calms my soul. 🥺

[@angelal7733]

Oh,if only I could find a therapist that understands emotional disregulation the way you two do-

[@jed88]

They are out there. Most SE practitioners are aware. Check out Irene Lyon.

[@therapeuticeating]

Many therapists are skilled at ER - try looking for someone trained somatic work

[@Morghast]

People in general being this educated would be amazing, but your wish might be a pre requisite for mine

[@lindaelarde2692]

Elizabeth is describing my experience EXACTLY! I have not been able to fully articulate this total rejection of my somatic experience. When I would have a panic attack, from my early years through adulthood, I would leap up into my head and go into doing mode which suppressed 5he panic and affirmed my value as a "doer". I was straight A through high school and college. As an adult, I began to learn and explore my parts. I'm now approaching 66 and still evolving in this self-awareness. Thank you so much for your life transforming content. ❤

[@dumitriudaniela]

finally a video that not only talks about somatic tools and nervous system regulation, but also provides some techniques that can actually be used. People need this and i hope that more youtubers will follow this example. There are enough talks about the effects on NS regulation and very little content on how to do it. I applaud your effort.

[@bumblebeebrass164]

Her hair is fabulous

[@mirahb.9713]

Yea it’s got that voluminous 80s style

[@chillosophification]

That's the most important thing about her, yes.

[@critter_paws]

Omg "there's a part of you that knows something" that is huge

[@saramichael3837]

I love your work together! I honestly think Elizabeth should be a co-host with you and your father, she adds a whole new dimension to the conversation because of her background and experience! Great video! Thank you!❤

[@earthpearl3790]

For real, this!!

[@robertunderwood6788]

I agree. She said so many things that helped connect the dots for me. I kept pausing the video to let the things she said sink in. Great comment.

[@lilacunderground]

For many years I dissociated and kept all my feelings bottled up. Now that I'm in a healthy relationship, I am starting to under regulate and 'fizz' out, getting overly emotional. Thank you for explaining this!

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

Overly emotional I have that too, lately. I started to cry during a job interview. Never happened to me before but it is what it is.

[@goddessoffantasy]

Not only was this helpful and grounded, it’s really well-structured. I appreciate how the interviewer asked questions; so spot on and yet still sensitive to the heaviness of the topic. The guest is perfect for the topic ❤

[@DoYouLikeLuxury]

all I can say is: wow (and i’m sure that’s been said a thousand times before). this is my first time viewing this channel and i’ve never felt so seen while at the same time learning so much critical information. truly mind blowing and eye opening … I don’t even have words to describe it. just so incredibly helpful. thank you. 🙏🏼

[@jcosmochic82]

Same!!

[@MsGuitars666]

Elizabeth is such a gracious wise woman, bless her

[@Yottabee]

Glad to have found you here today, Forrest! You're a warm, knowledgeable, and empathetic host👍. Elizabeth is such a treat! She teaches with clarity and the kind of authenticity that are so warm and relatable. Encore!!!

[@jmlouie]

When you brought up releasing the energy in public I thought about how kids throw tantrums and parents tell their kids to behave. They teach kids to bottle up emotions. This made me wonder... how do we teach children to regulate that energy that fuels their emotions?

[@pema7159]

I am a new LCSW and also am healing CPTSD. I find Elizabeth so very helpful particularly when I am feeling emotionally isolated and alone. This is someone who truly understands on an experiential level. At this point in my healing journey I am feeling stuck and I realize I have not had a therapist who openly shares they too have worked to heal CPTSD. I wonder your thoughts around if this is necessary in the intersubjective space to reach a deep felt sense of attunement? I trust my therapist of 6 years but wonder if I have gone as far as I can with her. Thank you for your work.

[@ForrestHanson]

I'll ask Elizabeth for her take on this. My first thought is that trust in the therapeutic relationship is both essential and hard to come by. If you've found one you feel that way about I'd be cautious about letting it go. My second thought is that six years is a long time, and it could be that things have come to their natural stopping point. If you're comfortable with it, this sounds like a great thing to bring up directly with your therapist. Putting a charged topic like this on the table can sometimes help break through a plateau in the work.

[@vanessaskin]

Hi, I love your share as a new LCSW and also healing your own CPTSD! I'd love to hear about in what way's do you feel stuck more specifically? After 6 years, as you have done a lot of healing and growth, has that shifted your needs from therapist? Has it been expressed in any way? What type of therapist is she? All the questions lol.

[@claireh.7605]

You’ve drunk the therapy kool aid way too much and make assumptions that you need a therapist for years at a time. The idea you can’t survive without a therapist is ridiculous. Therapy is a turned into a cult.

[@Heyu7her3]

I don't think (as someone with things) that having shared experiences is necessary. Not only could it be potentially re-traumatizing to that person (esp in ways they hadn't anticipated), but also that individual could still have a bootstrapping, "I figured it out & so can you" mentality Compassion (empathy + justice) certainly is necessary, tho

[@claireh.7605]

@@Heyu7her3 in fact having a damaged or mentally I’ll provider is a recipe to get abused and trauma dumped by that provider. It is just common sense. Wounded people generally are not good healers - healthy unwounded people are!

[@punyashloka4946]

You are a great inspiration for people like me who struggles with dissociation, Elizabeth, thank you 😊.

[@glukkan]

Thank you so much for having her on again. Her presence is so calming and it's a balm to listen to her speak!

[@katiunddu]

I love videos with Elizabeth because they are so helpful.

[@crystalmckinneycoaches]

Congratulations Elizabeth for finding a healthy man to be with. Congratulations Forrest for winning the family lottery and spreading being healthy to other men. Congratulations for finding Elizabeth because she’s fantastic. I appreciate her transparency and honesty today. I’m going to have to replay this over and over again to understand where I’m doing some of these emotional behaviors because most people don’t explain it as well as she has.

[@aprilk569]

Incredibly helpful episode 🙏 Thank you both so much! Side note: Elizabeth, your hair is Disney princess level beautiful 🤗

[@ForrestHanson]

It really is.

[@earthpearl3790]

I noticed her hair too!!

[@becks_99]

Elizabeth’s aura is enchanting. Her calm demeanor must be so healing for clients. As someone who plans to begin grad school next year to be a therapist, I’m curious if she mostly learned somatic tools on her own or was the bulk of it through her grad school program? I’d love to do somatic experiencing and IFS as it comes so naturally. Thank all of you for making extraordinary content so accessible.

[@earthpearl3790]

You guys have such a beautiful energy together and the way you relate / communicate really brings your teachings to life!!

[@nikkiriel3935]

Elizabeth brings me so much peace and makes me feel so seen. I never hear anyone talk about the things I struggle with but she never fails so make me feel like "oh my gosh someone else has felt like this." I'd love if she would speak more about structural dissociation/cptsd because it's not something that is often talked about and leaves me and I'm sure others feeling extremely alone.

[@lindaelarde2692]

Now i understand why I feel regulated and energized after doing an online workout with a class. I find I'm smiling with the other participants and I feel grounded in my body.

[@donnaomalley1212]

This might have been my favorite of all the listened to Being Well podcasts! What a team. Bring Elizabeth whenever you can! This one might be a podcast to revisit!

[@juliannaversola]

This video is quite literally saving my life right now. I have never felt so seen and heard and spoken for ever before. This gives me so much hope during this really difficult beginning of my healing journey.

[@AnaA-ku2yt]

Staying with the experience doesn't necessary lead to anything good. Could even re-traumatize. Not all feelings/emotions are meant to be experienced/endured/tolerated. There's a reason we sense these things as unwanted. Listen to that part of you as well. And at about 50' she's referring to EFT tapping therapy (not a fan personally, could alternatively try EMDR which you can do on your own too). Don't forget the great relaxing effect of a nice, warm bath, or sauna.

[@HB-dd3yg]

As someone who tends to be more on the underregulated side, I have learned that practicing what some call „emotional sobriety“ often works well, when I‘m dysregulated. Something clicked for me when you described the state as lacking containment, being everywhere and nowhere to be found. I have found that actually sometimes containing my feeling works better than following my gut and talking to every person that would listen in order to mine for reassurance (some part of me knows that this reassurance is not something that can actually be found with other humans, at least not in the ways my inner children would need it).I am a few years in my journey and it has taken me a long while to get here. I like to work with inner conferences, where I imagine my parts would sit down at a table and just talk to each other. It’s fascinating, what comes out during these conferences. It helps me to practice containing myself (usually my wiser adult is the the leader of the conference and encourages everybody to share). I don’t expect to ever get to being able to process every instance of dysregulation by myself (and I don’t think as humans we are meant to be) but it has helped me moving towards being more regulated in general, dealing with dyregulation and getting to know myself more. Sometimes during these conferences thoughts and feeling come up that I hadn‘t even realized were there. I don’t know if this makes sense, but maybe it could help someone.

[@mclovin7000]

Yea I definitely relate when you say sometimes riding out the intense emotions first, is more helpful than to listen to your gut and seeking reassurance/advice from others.

[@HB-dd3yg]

@@mclovin7000 totally! And then, when one isn’t in total dysregulation, they can actually register potential corrective experiences.

[@kestenhill1397]

Such a great conversation 🙌

[@rachelhayhurst-mason7846]

A fish who's expected to climb a tree... that's me. Thank you for helping me start to understand something so foreign but needed. You're a great team.

[@andreabuntpercy]

I so relate to 'somatic'... the swaying specifically. After I found out I had CPTSD, I was introduced to Qi Gong where we do lots of swaying, lots of breathwork and slowing down. It has had a long-term effect, and just now, when I was swaying along with Elizabeth and her explanation, I understood why. The words are an important aspect of the exercise for me. Thank you!

[@littleflor2975]

Thank you for being angels in a harsh world x

[@ricalina4371]

Thank you for that great, insightful conversation! 🙏

[@aleenr4425]

I’m in love with her hair!! So beautiful!! ❤ Thx for the info!!

[@beatricetei]

The tapping part mentioned is called Emotional Freedom Technique or eft tapping ! It’s a great method so glad to hear you talk about it

[@jennifernissen1204]

I loved this! Such great and valuable information! I really appreciate this conversation and your willingness to be vulnerable and discuss your processes in attaining healthier skills! I came away with some great information that I've been confused about in the past about somatic therapy.

[@karenbird1279]

Thank you both for this episode. Truly, this is what has been in my heart and in my mind. When I first came in contact with my shame it terrified me, and I bolted. I wish I hadn’t because I missed out on the reparative experience. Now, little by little, I have gained more self presence and capacity for tolerating those intense shut down reactions, and I have been longing to find practical advice on healing my nervous system, where these deeply embedded responses (parts) from very early childhood adapted from. So this was meant for me. Thank you again, so much!❤️

[@looli1327]

Thank you so much Elizabeth for sharing your experiences. I’ve been feeling so loopy a year into intensive trauma work. I felt a slow decline after moving in with my partner. He's the first and so far only feeling of real safety and security on a somatic level. I think that's when the overcontrol started to wear away.

[@lilyneva]

It would be so special if you guys started a companion show to this one called something like ‘Loving Well.’ In it you could maybe share things about your journey as a couple and how you have navigated issues related to attachment wounding and developmental trauma (the way you do when you do shows together now) and you’d also interview therapists like Dr Jacob Ham, etc.

[@jillianduguay2113]

Check Terry Real podcasts. He's a relationship therapist. Excellent.

[@hpaddict731]

I second this! That would be extremely helpful to have a resource like that ❤

[@ccburro1]

Elizabeth’s segments with you have been incredibly helpful for me-this one, the best by far. ❤️ I love your approach to hosting and facilitating the connection/conveyance of info from guest to audience-You are the “bridge”, so to speak. And I love the concise summaries you provide at the end. Thank you!

[@TK-cg4ks]

I’d like to think of myself as an articulate person but I seriously have no words. The je ne sais quoi of this episode is something I haven’t experienced since I was a child. You guys are revolutionary.

[@Rebecca0010]

I see the topic and feel instantly called out. I am going to tune. I love when you both work together because I relate to your communication styles. ❤

[@catherinemanuele8352]

I appreciate the honesty from both E & F and I am healing from the tools shared. Many Thanks!

[@jgarciajr82]

I love how some of us are actually getting together to grow up ❤🙏

[@user-wm2fv3sp3x]

Just want to say thanks to you two. Thanks for the insights and tips for emotional regulation. And Forrest, always look forward to your next video.

[@lindabyrne3353]

Excellent chat with so much useful and practical information. Thank you.

[@dzihanahajdarpasicmisirlic5347]

you guys are so lovely ....thanx so much for such a great helping podcast

[@ArtyAntics]

Shaking hands, swaying and so on are Stims that autistic people use all the time (until society teach us we aren’t normal). We have to use movement to ground if we are sensitive to the rest of our senses. Interoception isn’t great for us but we do seem to notice the need to ground when we stim 😊

[@ADHDologia]

I'm not even done watching the video yet (really enjoying it!) and I was also like, autistic stims! autistic stims!! Do we have this kind of innate knowledge about self-regulation? I'm so hyped :')

[@Neblinaization]

Thx so much! Great work and a joy to listen/watch to you both!

[@from.memories]

Thank you both for putting this together. It really helped get some insight on my own challenges and a direction to go in.

[@diilouise]

A gold mine. Thank you, both.

[@artynegelen786]

Just saw this pop-up on my phone. Will listen now. Thank you!

[@mamapretz]

This was so helpful, thank you!

[@betsymarsted944]

Very good use of time and extremely helpful! Thank you!

[@jereyadavis9769]

I loved this! Thank you, learned so much & I believe this will be very helpful for me!

[@erinsullivan1053]

Elizabeth! So beautiful to see you and hear your wise guidance 🙏 ❤

[@georgia_yen]

Extremely helpful and clear! I love episodes with Elizabeth ❤

[@fbgirard]

Thank you so much for all these useful insights and practices, this is just what I needed to hear today. Much appreciated :)

[@dianeyoung8068]

Emotional Freedom Technique-EFT---Tapping. Great conversation and information, thank you!

[@wordivore]

The stuff about rupture and there being repeated ruptures without repair lit up a lightbulb for me. Also when Elizabeth talked about movement, I really liked the idea of tapping. Something I'm going to retry now after a lot of years.

[@clara3322]

This is exactly the video I have been thinking, for a while now, that I really wish existed! Wow! 🍀🙏

[@thoughts0utloud]

YALL have the best way of describing things. I love thefting certain phrasing, descriptors, and such. Always always good stuff and thanks for putting this out there.

[@earthpearl3790]

Forrest is the king of condensing experience into a relatable description

[@margaret539]

So direct, so real, and so helpful! deep thanks to both participants!!

[@adamb.9968]

Y'all are great--thanks so much!

[@avirginia8808]

This was really beautiful. Thank you so much

[@teabreak3974]

Very insightful 😊❤thanks a million for sharing this video !

[@avryhowes]

Thank you so much for the work you both do. This video alone has changed so much for me, I can’t tell you my appreciate of you both enough ❤❤❤

[@marem1842]

Thank you for this video and your work in general 💛

[@naturallaw52]

Here comes the future of healing!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤

[@user-zo7hg5rn9b]

Love this so much - I have already listened to this many times, thank you for the somatic/trauma approach - says an emotion-focused therapy student in Denmark

[@Rebecca0010]

Coming back to this one, I hope there will be more people like you in the Midwest to work with professionally, because I respect your boundaries so much. I wish you could come talk to my advisors at my college. They aren’t understanding what they don’t understand and I’ve been crying for days, like actually letting it out.

[@simonanardi4312]

O My F-ing Word… this is so detailed, and intricate! I lack a lot of knowledge

[@johannamacdonald1975]

Thank you to both of you, this session was very educational ... I appreciate that it was provided in such a understandable way.

[@lifeofyarden]

Thank you so much for sharing this conversation -many helpful takeaways.❤

[@mirelladlima5278]

This is such a powerful conversation and anyone who has any trauma residue would greatly benefit from the inputs and tools given to help them control the intensity of their emotions🙏

[@yasminmihlar1930]

this is fantastic! Thank you both:)

[@elizabethash4720]

You two are great.. so good at expressing this part of our humanity, precious feeling, and emotional selves. Enjoyed this discussion. Thank you.

[@CasildaChenier]

Elizabeth, your explanations are so helpful to describe my structural dissoc. I am 50+ and just Feb 2023 started doing ART because i have been so frozen that EMDR wouldn't help.

[@earthpearl3790]

I had a similar experience with EMDR when I was dissociated. I session after session with connecting to my feelings in an embodied way. Hands on somatic bodywork with a therapist has changed everything! Sending care 〰️💟

[@RSLFRSLF]

I just started learning about emotional regulation and the vagus nerve and it fascinates me and it's been an eye opening experience. Practice, practice and practice self-love and self-care.

[@user-ro8xn3cn6h]

Thank you. This has been helpful. I'm at a stage in my life, where the experiences I had as a survivor are coming back to me as my adult childs processes her experiance living thru my cptsd recovery. I was going down the rabbit hole of blame and worthlessness.

[@deb2319]

Excellent Talk.Thank You💜💚

[@freshlybrewedtruth5600]

this was soooo helpful. thank you!

[@somemusic4015]

Elizabeth! ❤ So good!

[@Kieslowski1]

Fantastic! Thanks you two!

[@Stress-relief-insights]

Brilliant both of you! The dream team ❤🤗

[@jackiemoffat-re3vp]

That was the most in depth amazing podcast. I learnt so much and Elizabeth is an amazing somatic therapist. Thank you.

[@AnjaBrenda]

Thank you for this amazing conversation, I got so much out of it and will watch again!

[@lilyneva]

38:34 Thank you for sharing this. I think I have been focusing on trying to notice when I 𝑎𝑚 dysregulated but I love the idea of being more granular about it and trying to feel when it begins. This is embarrassing but I’ve been noticing that when I am about to have a dysregulated day, I seem unable to make myself brush my teeth or get dressed in weather-appropriate clothing. It makes a lot of sense to me to think about this like it is a younger part running the show. Everything you’re saying in this episode feels almost like a tight supportive hug to me right now. For the past months, I have been in a strictly DBT-oriented environment and I just have felt a little bit like I was going crazy.

[@lilyneva]

41:01 This was my family system, too. Thank you for sharing this.

[@susanellison5309]

Thank you for share. Really benefited from the discussion

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

I love the cross earrings..the only real way to have the depth of healing we need

[@stephaniequiroz9426]

Beautiful, inspiring, incredibly valuable. Will use this info to help myself and others with co-regulation. 🥰🥰🥰

[@littleflor2975]

Thank you. Going through a breakdown/detox/trauma release right now. Childhood stuff with added relationship abuse. Didn't realise how repressed I've been ( even though I'm scared of everything and always feel like I'm not really here). The first waves of emotions were very overwhelmed. I'm getting there bit by bit.

[@Amy-wq3li]

This video has been immensely helpful! Thank you!

[@ForrestHanson]

I'm really glad.

[@aliciamarana]

Wow! Such a GREAT conversation. Thank you. I have been participating in monthly Journey dance classes that have been a real game changer in regulating and getting back in touch with my body. Thank you to everyone searching to become more regulated whole people for themselves and their families and the world. ❤ You are doing really important work.

[@SamanthaRodriguez-op9ld]

I am always so grateful for the recourses on KZbin. Here is a legitimate professional and I get to sit in my room and learn from her. Also she’s so pretty lol

[@grumpycheerleader]

What a fine podcast! This is a really good and valuable discussion… And the presentation and pace is so calming. ❤

[@maryshannon262]

This is brilliantly helpful- 🙏 so appreciate the real validation to the work in the present moment. Biggest problem is finding a safe group in small local community. 💌

[@nancyharvath886]

This is amazing!

[@chrismchale6759]

The tapping technique is called emotional freedom technique thanks for a very informative session 😊❤