HELP! How do you tell your kids you're gay?!

[@dawnevans157]

All kids need to know is that gay people are around and love is love the mechanics of a gay relationship they don't need to know at certain ages. Keegan is right it's age appropriate.

[@donkeim434]

My kids were adults when I Ieft their mom. I told them of my sexuality that very day. My daughter said 'You are my dad first of all, the rest is none of my business'. She wants no more explanation. My son said '........(crickets)'. He chose to disassociate with me. I have not pushed him, it is his choice to speak further or not. It has been 18 years....

[@bkm2797]

So sorry your son has made the decision to let other negative thinkers influence his, it could also be that he feels he needed to be there for his mom, not realizing you can have both. I'm relieved your daughter is there for you, and although it's been 18 long years, it ain't over until it's over, I hope your son grows more spiritually and reaches out to you.🕊💕

[@patriciamillin-j3s]

It felt weird to like this comment because I honestly don’t like how your son is behaving, it makes me really sad. Have you tried yo take up contact again? Maybe he’s changed but doesn’t have the courage to contact you, so it might be up to you to make the first move. Do you think that could work? At least your daughter stands by you and that’s a good thing, but I wish your son could be reasoned with.

[@donkeim434]

@@patriciamillin-j3s I have tried, he would rather have the story of being a martyr. He idolizes his father in law who's father deserted him.

[@patriciamillin-j3s]

@@donkeim434 I'm really incredibly sorry for you. It's so sad that he can't accept you. It's not like you left him, you just needed to live your truth. I wish you all the best and hope that your son will one day come around. It's never too late

[@romaneros4583]

My 2 sons were both adults. They were more upset about the dissolution of the marriage than my sexuality. It affected my sons relationship with me, but we communicate, and it is still a work in progress .

[@boriquaelrey7129]

I came out to my kids when they were adults. My greatest fear was that it would end any type of relationship I had with them. I was prepared for the fallout, but I had to come out because it was destroying my mental and emotional health. So, when I did I got absolutely no response, but I gave the space they needed to process it. I had already divorced their mother long before and this wasn’t the reason for us splitting up. As time has gone on we have stronger relationships and connections. I can be honest and give honest and authentic advice when they come to me. It will be hard but you have to do it for yourself and be prepared for whatever reaction you receive and give your children time. Either way it will be for the best. You must learn to live for you and you only. You get one life don’t waste it worrying about the worst that could happen. G-D bless.

[@boriquaelrey7129]

@Telle.grramme_happyhealthyhomo I would love to. It has been a journey of very deep introspection and growth.

[@cathyhellen5519]

A few years ago l was in a gay bar having a blast dancing to the music and laughing at the moderators jokes. A girl came up to me and said, " You're hot". I replied thanks, l should let you know l'm straight. Want to dance". she was both floored and happy to make a new friend.

[@paulhilder1309]

Told my kids when they were all in their 20’s including one of my sons was gay who came out at 14. Being gay was not an issue it was more about mum and dad sliding up and about being happy. I think because both my ex wife and I always were accepting of all, probably not a surprise since I was closeted. Great conversation Today all my kids their significant others and a granddaughter all spend time and love my husband and I. Better to be open and honest but tough to say it

[@karlwolf8703]

My husband and I have experienced the same thing. So happy for you!

[@DavidGranger-i4h]

I came out when my kids were toddlers. It was explained to them in an age appropriate way....I went on to marry am amazing man who co-parented my kids and I was lucky that my ex-wife remains one of my best friends - and she has respect for my husband who contributed to our kids upbringing and unique family dynamic. I consider myself blessed. The key was respect, love and care, from all concerned, when the family dynamic changed.

[@karlwolf8703]

My husband (married 30+ years to a woman) and I (married 25 years) have had the same experience. Our former wives were more than as gracious as we would expect them to be. You are absolutely correct! The key IS love, respect, and care. All best!

[@DavidGranger-i4h]

@@karlwolf8703 thank you! Both of you too!

[@colleensnyder8943]

Well said gentlemen, nothing needs to be added to your insightful response.

[@suzannehawkins383]

ah, its just so relaxing and unstressing to listen to you guys being sensible, thanks! it really does bring down my stress levels.

[@orielwiggins2225]

what a good question and a great nuanced answer with a simple foundation and some really great phrasing to help destigmatize being gay. Something Keegan said brings to mind just how important the basic needs of children are in any conversation like this, where it involves the parents no longer being together. And I know elsewhere he spoke on this, so I'm just drawing attention to how necessary it is to address the actual needs and concerns of the child in front of you. Especially as the conversation continues, the need to know that their very necessary stability and security is not likely to just upend at any moment for no apparent reason is a very real thing that will need addressed, and like Keegan and Joel said, often times it may take continual reminders both verbal and especially demonstrative, that they are safe, and secure and love doesn't just disappear and destroy them out of nowhere. Speaking from my own trauma from my parents ugly marriage and divorce, I'm so glad your kiddos had such a relatively positive transition, tho I'm sure it was challenging and painful. Kudos to you for how you handle this whole topic that is simple as far as the gay part, but complex when you add the parents being married and splitting etc etc. Keep up the great work and wonderful content guys.

[@simongoodwin5253]

It amazes me the attitude young people have today towards Gay people. They really don't care. When I was at school in the 70's/80's I was bullied unmercifully and beaten regularly because I mouthed back at the bullying. Education is such a great source of information , tolerance and decency.

[@ak5659]

Yeah, young people today are kind of respectfully baffled as to why older people think things like the gender of the person you date, the color of hair or skin, piercings, or tatoos were considered so mementous.....

[@HomerMann-tw7ci]

Thank you guys for a splendid podcast, 68 yr old Canadian here I came out to my children 40 yrs ago when they were 3,5&7 daughter daughter son and it was during the time their mom and I were splitting up, the conversation included not only my coming out to them but affirming to them that nothing was really going to change, their mom and I had decided to maintain separate homes but never more than 3 blocks apart to facilitate co parenting, being honest with them was the most kind thing I could think of doing, and it has provided many mitzvas since, my orientation is to them no different than I have blue eyes, yeah, pap is gay and he has blue eyes, the same is true of the next generation my grandchildren have the same attitude, I have had the privilege of guiding many others through their coming out process as a life coach. Not all we’re seamless nor pain free but eventually they all worked out, cheers guys and thanks for everything you do may your journey together be filled with moments of joy and pleasure ❤️❤️

[@jpmasters-aus]

I have recently published a partial memoir coming out late in life. I have a chapter, “It’s Time: Breaking the News to My Kids”. I’m not sure if it is ok to mention my book, available in most countries on Amazon, entitled “A Journey Towards Acceptance: An Evolving Memoir” (Happy Healthy Homo, please remove if this is not appropriate on your channel). My Kids were 18 (just finished high school) and 16 (finishing year ten and the following year into Year 11 commencing the two year HSC program).

[@wotan10950]

That’s a complex Q&A. I have three children in their late 20s-early 30s. I was married for many years, and we didn’t split over issues of sexuality; it was caused by financial and trust issues. It turned out she wasn’t as sweet as she appeared. Dated women afterwards. And then I realised I’d be happier with another man (of course I had already experimented in college). So I found one. Unfortunately, he’s married, and it took me 20+ years to acknowledge that you get the crumbs and leftovers in that kind of relationship. I’ve taken a long holiday from relationships and sex, and I’m content. As for my children, one daughter definitely has my number, the other daughter suspects, and my son couldn’t care less. I tried to come out perhaps 20 years ago, and it didn’t go over well with anyone. So now I enjoy being an enigma: let them continue guessing until I fall off the twig. I don’t speculate about their orientation, so I won’t play the game of speculating about mine. It works for me; I’m sure everyone has his own opinion and life story.

[@pbaker50]

What a great question. I came out to my boys when they were 7 y/o & 12 y/o. It was important to me that they knew who I was, rather than hide part of my life from them. I wanted to model being an authentic human being. I also did not want them to blame their mom for our break up. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I didn't know how they would react. The older boy was angary, but that is how he deals with things. Later when he was 25 or so he came to a gay bar with me. That was interesting. He is my step son. My biological son was sad and went to his room and cried. I also told them at the time that I like men, but they did not have to fight on my behalf. So for example, if they heard a gay joke they did not have to defend gays unless they wanted to (not on my behalf). My biological son is now married and has two sons of his own. He coaches their little league baseball and takes them skiing. He is involved in their upbringing besides his own career. I apologize for this long epistle of a comment. Phil B. (Seattle, WA)

[@k.vn.k]

Amazing topic and conversation

[@jdpresley5661]

Very well spoken and I totally agree with your remarks. People need to be excepting of people no matter the differences. always treat others with love and respect.

[@daniellerichard1385]

My favourite KZbinrs xx Hello from Melbourne Australia

[@ajaxon319pldunbar]

Keegan and HRH Joel, this was another great vlog. This was a tough topic and I thought you offered cogent advice.

[@BrianAlt]

When my kids were old enough to understand I told them, most men like women and most women like men. But some men like men and some women like women. And that was that.

[@ak5659]

My daughter was 5. I explained that it was like being left-handed: most people aren't but enough are that it's never actually a surprise to see a left-handed person. She responded with a comment to the effect of, "Oh, so acting like a gay or left-handed person is weird would be stupid." That was the last time it came up.

[@ak5659]

What's both funny and sad is that most of the parents who're up in arms about their kids learning bi and gay people exist is that most of them think they actually control what their kids are exposed to. Kids today have access to tv, media, the internet, etc. Most kijs are very good at figuring out when their parents think they're oblivious to something so they act clueless.

[@lafayettemoreira4423]

Children will grow and understand by themselves. Human affection needs no explanation or weird names. Its self evident.

[@maureencoyle666]

I trulybelieve that better days are coming for your community, guys. Try to be hopeful! I think the way ou told your kids the best way possible, and I’m sure you are just open to their questions. Well done. If you want a good laugh about how kids just want to know ehat they actually ask there is a great old clip on youtube from the old Dick van Dyke show(from the early 60’s. Little 4 yar oldRichie asked his parents “Where did I come from”? His parents were panicking as they told him the story of Laura going into labor at home abd how they got her to te hospiral, then he was orn. He listened quietly to the long painful ( for his oarents) and his response was great! He said, “That’s goid, but my friend, Joey, comes from New Jersey, so where did I come from”??? (Not the exact wording as its about a 60 year old memory for me, ut you get the drift)!💚💚🙏🏻🌎☮️☘️

[@patricksullivan7491]

You guys are amazing.

[@todd755]

My bi male has been married, has kids but won't live with a gay man because of them. It's sad. Now days I don't think there would be a problem but it is in his hands,

[@matthewortega6216]

Hey

[@lisahopper7558]

My children were brought up knowing that I just wanted them to be happy with whoever they went out with 😊

[@harvestmoon_autumnsky]

As a teacher I say to my six year old class, boys can love boys and girls can love girls. And as you say, I've never really had a kid think it's weird or gross or anything. We celebrate Pride as a school with rainbow day and openly discuss the right to gay marriage as we do civil rights of people of color on Ruby Bridges Day and MLKjr Day. I did have one kid say his parents said it was wrong, and I said, of course your parents have every right to their opinion. But that the law says its legal. And just because we're here, I'll share a story I found funny but maybe others won't. A boy in my summer school told another boy he wanted to be his boyfriend (seven years old, kids talk about boyfriends/girlfriends all the time). This boy was normally the class clown / alpha / almost bully of my class. He was confused, and asked me if boys could have boyfriends. I told him we don't have romantic love conversations about kids at school, but that adult boys can have boyfriends. He went home and asked his mom, and came back and reported that his mom said it was against God. The boy with the crush was disappointed. And the other boy felt bad and said, look, we can be boyfriends at school, but not at home. And now, as i write this, it's not as cute as I thought and just kind of sad. The other boy was so happy.

[@dubon9999]

Gay men together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[@justinh8417]

The problem is that there’s a sense of perversion or tabooness cast upon anything that is not the hetero experience. Gay is not a norm in society’s mind still but Ppl are fine sexualizing kids when asking a 5 year old boy if he has 5 girlfriends yet in kindergarten but being exposed to an “alternative lifestyle” is going to lead them to a life of sexual depravity. It doesn’t make sense

[@georgehunt2787]

Your new fan🎉

[@dennis-qu7bs]

I hate constantly coming out.

[@minniesaab7255]

❤❤❤

[@pattisonpattison3639]

Thing is, bi is bi, and not gay, or straight for that matter.

[@jswats92]

This isn’t true, there are books that are very graphic about sex (not only just gay sex) that are in schools. It’s cool being gay but showing these books is a big pass. If I had those books in my office I would get reported to HR.

[@calvind2054]

Joel, stop 🛑. Carefully, not bluntly.

[@natalscar]

That's not an accurate observation of what Florida is doing. Research what the actual law is. The books that were in some of the schools and the things that teachers could say are much more explicit and they were not age appropriate. Yes, of course every parent has a right to tell their own children, but, no, other adults don't get to explain the intricacies of any sexuality that is not developmentally appropriate.

[@pppexplorer]

America really has stupid, backwards attitudes about sex education in general, anyways, more so when it comes to LGBT sexuality. Children should be taught about human sexuality, period, in stages as age-appropriate. They are only concerned about "protecting" the children when it comes to sexuality because of their prejudices and puritanism around the subject; but no protection of children when it comes to exposure to violence, ensuring access to proper healthcare and education, etc. 🙄😄

[@extrude22]

Sorry but no. Florida’s law has been written in such a way that parents can take schools to court if anything deemed inappropriate is found in the school. What does inappropriate mean? The law doesn’t say! Therefore schools have removed everything that could possibly be LGBT related and they have forced gay teachers back into the closet.

[@Cjmprst]

@@extrude22 no you are so wrong, the Florida law banned teachings on sex and gender identity to kids 9 and under, this also applies to heterosexual relationships. I never received any kind of sex education until I was 11. Young kids being taught about sex and gender identity at ages as young as 5 is just wrong and creepy. Saying you need to teach kids that sometimes men date men is just a dumb excuse, even though I didn’t receive sex education until 11, I was fully aware of what gay meant because you see gay relationships on TV and gay people in general in society so it never impacted me to not be taught it at school.

[@Jonnie-Falafel]

Let it get tested in court then and parameters will be established. Even these guys seem to be saying 'age appropriate' and broadly speaking we would mostly all have similar views... except activities who have chipped away parental rights to influence curricula on sex/sexuality and pushed boundaries to ridiculous extremes.

[@extrude22]

@@Cjmprst so if an 8 year child asks their teacher what a gay person is, it is illegal for the teacher to tell them? If a child asks why another child has 2 mums it’s illegal to tell them? If a teacher gets married and comes back to school with a new name it’s illegal for her to explain why? Really?