Help! I am so angry with my therapist! AKA ep.155

Ask Kati Anything ep. 155 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about why we can bring up a past trauma once and then not be able to speak about it again. She also digs into why we can become angry with our therapist when they haven’t done anything wrong, and why we can find ourselves with a crush on them. She also explains why we need coping skills that require little to no energy, and what those look like. This and so much more in this week’s episode! xox
Audience questions:
1. Recently I admitted to my therapist that I was sexually abused as a child, I didn't talk about any details, and since then, I am avoiding this topic with her. She gave me some space and, after some time, tried to bring it back into our session, but the minute she started talking, I wanted to run out of her office....
2. I have found myself becoming angry with my therapist the last few sessions. She didn’t even do anything. I keep thinking back to the sessions wondering what she had said, but it wasn’t a particular thing that she said. She was just annoying me...
3. I recently realized that I have sexual feelings about my therapist. I have read about transference, the thing is that we are both women. Does this mean that I am not straight? Addressing this to her feels extremely uncomfortable, so I would appreciate some hints on what this...
4. I was wondering if therapists do work for their clients in between sessions? I always assumed that they do, and that that was part of why the fee was so high, because they need to take some time to look things up between sessions...
5. I have a question about coping skills. I have a list of coping skills that can work if I can physically make myself do them. But recently I have been struggling to do them. My therapist never told me what to do when...
6. My mom is a narcissist and last year I went no contact with her for almost 6 months at my therapist’s suggestion...
7. There are these videos about how you now realized that some of the things in your childhood were associated with a person turning out to be gay in adulthood. Nothing in my childhood or being a teenager points to that...
8. You've talked a lot about eating disorders changing the way they show up over time, and I was wondering if trauma can do the same thing. For context, my trauma caused panic attacks and extreme distress for years, but recently those panic attacks stopped...
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[@TarkMcCoy]

The TLDR of it is that if you have to ask yourself "Should I tell this to my therapist?" the answer is YES, especially if bringing up the subject is triggering. That's why you're there!

[@siriushp0904]

What does TLDR mean?

[@TarkMcCoy]

@@siriushp0904 Too Long, Didn't Read

[@Lemonady]

Timestamps Q1 - 0:46 Q2 - 19:32 Q3 - 26:22 Q4 - 31:53 Q5 - 37:10 Q6 - 40:43 Q7 - 57:43 Q8 - 1:00:15

[@SurferJoe1]

Whether or not the question or the subject relates to me personally, I'm always so interested in your insights, experience, and incredible knowledge, and I really appreciate you educating us every week on the human mind and emotions and how we relate to each other. You make me smarter and more perceptive and enrich my understanding of so many things. I don't think you can ever hear enough thanks, but here's mine: thanks.

[@bubble171]

Brilliant insight and advice again. The more I listen to these podcasts I realise I am not alone. So many brave humans in this community and I wish you all the love and happiness you deserve ❤️

[@juliearcand2358]

My new therapist (after 25 years of intensive psychotherapy with a man who had to finally retire...so there were a lot of triggers and anger and sobbing- but i stayed) this therapist after what i thought was a major breakthrough the very next session (and I only see her - per her- 1 to 2x a month) "not to be too attached or dependent. How long do you think you will be in therapy?" I was soooo triggered by that statement (as that was my biggest wound- having no one to turn to during sexual abuse) I can only mychart her, there is no way to contact anyone between sessions- I had to leave and i my charted that basically, "no worries, it's all on me, im the patient i take all the blame and I will figure out my meds and finding different modalities." I literally got back- "ok. Yes we did good work, you're welcome back anytime. " ?????? Is that ok??? Doesn’t she have an ethical obligation to just give me referrals or something????

[@sarandonga0011]

I am so grateful you exist Katie ❤ thank you so much

[@kreasiw]

Wonderful video. Thanks Kati, you explain complex things in such a relatable manner. We really appreciate it.

[@OTDM]

You are so welcome!

[@renamoda5450]

Interesting topics once again,Kati.Keep up the good work.Cheers!!

[@LessThanThree76]

Hey there Kati! I love your podcasts and would like to ask you a question, but unfortunately the Community tab doesn’t work on iPads for some reason. Is there ANY OTHER WAY to get a question through? Thanks in advance! ❤️

[@sarahdannhaus8123]

I have a question for you. Why can we feel uncomfortable when we're doing nice thinks vor people? I'm right now package a box for my Neath. It's just a couple of art supplies I because she recently got into art. It's nothing big, just a couple thinks I hope she enjoys. Right now I'm trying to write a card going with it. Usually writing cards isn't a problem, but just the thought of sending her this makes me so uncomfortable. We have a good relationship and there is no real reason to feel this way but it's driving me crazy. How can I cope with this?

[@shahilagh]

I understand and it is real! Just don’t do it for them when it makes you uncomfortable it is a sign your body might be telling you do to me not others

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

If a therapist let you down after you dare to bring up some topics, it's up to them not you evenly if tremendously painful

[@daisyblossom5176]

Yup my thearpist keeps forcing me to talk about something I'm not ready to talk about kept pushing me to talk about it I told her I haven't write it down yet and I had good day that day and wanted have session a better rest of the day

[@scenepunk09]

She cant force u to say anything. Nudging and encouraging u is fine. But If shes trying to make u its prly a red flag.

[@daisyblossom5176]

I'm tired keep switching every thearpist

[@scenepunk09]

@@daisyblossom5176 I understand. But seeing a bad therapist might do more harm. Have u looked into others in different towns? I think there is literally only 3 therapists in my whole town.

[@daisyblossom5176]

@@scenepunk09 no I just switched to 2 new thearpist since I was admitted i switched more then 5. Times they can't help me my area with resources is bad

[@daisyblossom5176]

Thats why just want to give up no one can't even treat my situation with autism and selective mutism and my triggers all they want is money

[@howtoaca7504]

💝💝

[@NovemberMe5213]

#1 First.

[@davidcrawford9026]

do you defend narcissistic therapists? why?

[@coffeeandhorses7991]

Why is it just a hypothesis of your own that ppl with trauma go into flight and freeze?. Why not go by actual studies ?. I find it odd that you do therapy based on your own personal opinion rather science based.

[@stephaniedayonot]

She doesn’t “do” therapy based off her personal opinion. She uses her informed judgment to give advice to people that specifically want advice from her. Her judgement is informed by years and years of experience, education, and of COURSE science, studies, and resources. If you’d like to know those resources I think that’s a fair thing to ask but your comment is laced with judgement. You can comment with curiosity and compassion to be a more effective communicator. Why would she even respond if you don’t even give her a normal amount of grace or respect for someone you know nothing about? You’re clearly going to meet any response she gives with a biased aggression. The information you’re seeking and the questions you’re asking are valid but your method is very aggressive and lacks compassion.

[@aam6545]

Why do you continue to watch and comment on these videos? I have seen only ONE comment from you that wasn't rude.

[@natalieedelstein]

It's her hypothesis that the *particular individual person* she's talking about is experiencing that response based on a scientific approach--research says it's likely, education says it's likely, etc. however every individual person has the potential to waver from the research in their response and she leaves space for that possibility by saying it's a hypothesis until she receives confirmation from that person. Science says that too and therapists don't read minds. By the scientific method, it's a hypothesis based on the principles of informed evidence-based practice until there is genuine confirmation from the individual having the experience.

[@truecrimelover2022]

Why do you keep watching and commenting on her vids if you don't like her advice it'd be like me listening to music i don't like and then leaving nasty comments on every video that band puts out

[@shahilagh]

Hello. You just asked a question. I m afraid the community in this channel is so defensive and create scapegoats that if you question her answers or anything they immediately react by telling you are wrong.

[@coffeeandhorses7991]

40 percent?. Where are getting this info from? I would say there must be a lot of crappy therapist out there or ppl are dropping out of therapy before giving it a chance. You seem to not see the benefit in CBT!. Give us the resources that is coming with 40 percent!.

[@LizVesper]

“Talk therapy alone” meaning no other forms of therapy. You are taking her talking point out of context.

[@dawncraig3340]

This is with talk therapy alone with trauma. CBT alone does work for a lot of those dealing with trauma because of the impact trauma has on the brain. For many, they can't just change how they think. And this is backed by research.

[@scenepunk09]

But she does see the benifit of CBT and has recommended it numerous times. U must have not seen it in her videos yet.

[@truecrimelover2022]

That's just alone and most people including me have been helped with more than one approach including emdr and meds