Stop complaining about your husband

🥵 9 REAL TIPS for relationships after kids 🥵
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Relationships after kids are HAAARRRDDD, we by no means have a perfect relationship but we do do a lot of things that help us a lot.
I like to start with, if you are in a place beyond a mindset shift, please go get some help and therapy. You deserve to feel good and you family deserves a mom that feels good!
Second, if you are not in a safe relationship, a mindset shift of quick tips are not what you need. please get you and your family safe. I heard once "be in a relationship you would want your adult children to be in". Sending so much love.
NOW, these are 9 REAL tips that have helped us in our relationship because relationships after kids can be a challenge. Leaning in is sooo important.
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00:00 relationships after kids
00:28 Hey Shayla Introduction
00:52 ACTUALLY 9 TIPS for relationships after kids
01:43 If you need more than a mindset shift
02:17 KNOW that this is a challenging time
03:27 Put yourself in their shoes
05:07 DO NOT DO THIS
05:19 BeeKeepers propolis spray!
05:50 What is propolis
06:28 DON'T complain about your partner to connect
07:52 Figure out what you NEED/WANT
10:08 Know your/their love langugage
11:18 7. Journal to help your relationship after kids
13:02 8. Give eachother grace
13:35 9. Find a new way to connect to your relationship after kids

[@heyshayla]

Get 20% off Beekeeper's Naturals with code HEYSHAYLA: www.heyshayla.com/beekeepers

[@devinkaauwai8906]

This is heart based communication!! It’s less of a mental load to tell them because they would know what to do. I kept saying, “ I’d love to run in the morning” like a lot. And he was like that’d be great.. I was like um help! I learned to sit down and say hey I need your help with Lincoln in the morning so I can go for a run. He said ok what time 😅

[@heyshayla]

RIGHT?! Lol

[@MarianneMedlin-dz4dz]

yup! This is gold. Then you’re like “wait, you mean it could have this easy the whole time… like, just ‘yes’… AMAZING!” lol!

[@cait_r.e._art]

I am not a mother currently but I have a lot of friends who are. One thing I have noticed is that when the mom/wife is a fantastic delegater/manager she feels much less stressed over all and can actually function and make the to do list for there husband without it being stressful or taxing because they are taking care of themselves first but putting those systems in place to not get burned out to the place where it is to mentally taxing to give there husband a job. Obviously different stages in life make this much harder but it is something I've noticed pretty consistently.

[@stunningjunk]

This is great! The complaining is such a real thing. Even in my last job, the job felt so much worse because everyone in the office was constantly negative. The words you speak definitely become your reality!

[@mbutler2905]

Really appreciate the caveat about having a healthy relationship before any tips/ tricks. As someone who came from a “broken home” and now in the marriage of my dreams, it’s know it’s possible to get there with the right person who also puts in their part!

[@chriss1k558]

This is so real ! My girl gives negative impressions about me when she’s upset and it gives them a negative persona about me when in reality our relationship is actually good

[@chkimpton]

Can say I definitely needed to make lists for the fridge for my husband too, he didn’t see the same things I do. He needed the direction. We also cloth diaper and i wrote out the wash routine and put it by the washer so I knew it was done correctly. This mind shift of “he should just know” to how can I help him understand what I need, is huge!

[@elliejohnson8146]

On a separate note 😅 could you share your wash routine with cloth diapers? We have some and I'm nervous to jump back into it with baby #2 (we used them w/ baby #1, but I'm not confident I washed them correctly

[@chkimpton]

@@elliejohnson8146 I have a water softener so we have extremely soft water which plays a huge role in how little detergent I use. If you have harder water adjust the amounts. Line 1 powdered tide normal cycle on my machine. Line 1 powdered tide allergen cycle on my machine (just use your longest cycle) Then I throw everything into the dryer on the lowest heat setting for the longest timed cycle. I make sure they are completely cool before messing with my pul/elastic items. I do not put any additives in, no softeners or dryer sheets. I do use wool dryer balls tho

[@Sielleis]

I love this. We did a premarital counseling course in love languages before we got married but I found that my love languages changed after we had kids. I used to be a words of affirmation and physical touch person, and now acts of service are everything because motherhood is overwhelming. Quality time has also become more meaningful because it's such a scarcity these days. Part of growing together as parents has been relearning how to love each other

[@braria9855]

I and my friend have coined a theory that the love languages partly change based on what you crave the most while getting little of. We also apply love languages to all relationships including friends and family. So for example her mom is a physical touch person so while she herself rarely initiates, her physical touch cup is saturated fully and the love language that will win on the test is something like acts of service or quality time since those are more rare or special. But as soon as she moves out for a couple of months, het physical touch cup empties and she still gets to call them, hear words of affirmation etc, so a good hug or shoulder squeeze would go a long way.

[@natabulous6429]

This change happens mainly bc the tasks grow as the # of people grow. This doesn't really mean you needs acts of service, it mainly means that the amount of tasks have grown and usually only one partner can 'see' those tasks

[@prisc.l4051]

the co-sleeping is a big fight subject home he does not want it and i feel our baby needs it so I sleep with him feeling I need to chose between what my partner and what my baby need, this is hard

[@jesseraychel]

We have a little whiteboard hanging in our hallway ( have to pass it to get to thw bathroom, toilet, laundry and bedrooms) every morning I write down a list of daily to-dos on there, and then there is a side list of bigger projects we want to get done and and another list of things we want to purchase (not groceries but larger purchases or things needed for projects list above). Since doing this he will just glance at it and do the things he can do to help! So easy because I make a list for myself anyway so its not any more mentally taxing for me. If he doesnt know how to do something he leaves it for me or asks me, or if he knows it's something I do in a specific way (toy rotation, putting away kids clothes or my clothes etc.) then he will leave that be and do the other stuff ❤

[@ceciliapistorius8321]

I love this! The list on the fridge? Awesome! I realized I was o-ver-whelmed by the laundry. The laundry room is downstairs and all the bedrooms are upstairs and it's for some reason so hard to get myself and the kids and a laundry basket down the stairs. For him, it was no problem, but he didn't know how I wanted the loads done. So we came up with a system where I tell him at night what load needs to be done and he will take it down and start it before he goes to work. Then I can switch it to the dryer, which is not as big a deal as getting it downstairs. He also has a list of how to do each load. It relieves so much for me and feels like such a little task for him. ❤

[@heyshayla]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@cnlepine82]

Omg the complaining with friends! So awful, hard habit to drop sometimes when others are doing it. Definitely agree that seeing it from their perspective helps a lot. Another great video, thank you so much!

[@dianelisfumero9966]

You made me laugh so hard😂 and i love the prarie joke😂😂😂 So true

[@patrese25]

This is such a great video. I loved your suggestions and tips. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant and hearing your perspective is very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing and giving great examples of each tip. 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@sahphie]

TIP: Go to Lowes or Home Depot and ask where their white boards are at - they are a lot cheaper than the ones you find online! My husband and I got a decent sized one for $8 and hung it in the living room. I made separate columns (one for each of us, kiddo, home, car, to do's, and miscellaneous) definitely helps hanging it where you are constantly hanging out :)

[@sammivernaza2678]

Love it ! Needed this

[@9lovemedo]

I’m telling you, get rid of your dishwasher. Game changer. Your prolonging the chore of dishes and wasting time and water with one.

[@heyshayla]

I don’t have a microwave and I love that. I need the dishwasher lol

[@isabelgaultney723]

#4 is so true!! 100%! Just do what works! :)

[@gracedevalois1855]

I don't have any kids, but I am getting married in 3 months and these tips seem super practical to set ourselves up for a healthy marriage! Thanks for sharing!

[@heyshayla]

10000%

[@LIndalecio87]

This video came at a perfect time. Thanks for the tips and reminders!!

[@mummanochef6674]

Haha my husband likes having a list then he knows what his got to do and doesn’t have to ask 😂

[@bizzyandbart]

I love this! Really great tips but I also really love how you explained at the beginning they are just tips and depending where you’re at you may need more help. Very good way to put it xx

[@Almira524]

Love the list idea, not sure if it would actually help my husband but I’m definitely a list person 😆

[@erinmosey3439]

Wow I’ve been using a different brand of that spray and it tastes so nasty my husband refuses but it works! Now that I know it’s possible for it to tastes good I’m buying this! My husband is the same way, he will do anything I ask but I hate asking because I assume if he hasn’t offered then he’s tired or overwhelmed so I don’t want to bother him but it’s just like you said, not on his radar. I put chores for every day of the week on the fridge now so he knows what I am thinking and I don’t have to ask anymore.

[@aletawohlgemuth3812]

Love this❤

[@haileynicole4]

Hahaha living in a prairie! haha, it is true that women and men notice different things around the home!! Great video!!!

[@ginapurcell1732]

I used to be so guilty of all of these. I've been working on them and it's definitely made things better in our marriage. Also, I know you'll remember me because I'm the woman who found out she was pregnant with baby #2 the day of your Lululemon flower event and was crying because I didn't feel ready. Well, I just had baby #2 on Friday (Jan 5/due date) in a beautiful home water birth (vbac) and it's another girl! My sweet Iris and miss Mabel are going to be the best of friends!! And the adjustment is going much smoother than I thought it would. Thanks for all your relatable and encouraging content!

[@heyshayla]

😭😭😭 omg congratulations!!!!!!!!!! I’m genuinely tearing up and so excited for you😍😍😍😍

[@whatchyagonnado]

This is great insight!

[@taylorhendricks3798]

So helpful and so relatable!

[@cassieshoemaker4733]

I really needed this today. Thank you.

[@xenos911]

Awesome tips. You look great. Noticed the name change again 😏

[@shannonrichards6980]

Hi Shayla!!

[@elizabethrox773]

Your content is always relatable! Every single bullet point. 👏🏻

[@jessicah3003]

I know you mentioned in a previous video you’re going to focus on simplifying your stuff this year, can you share that with us! Love your KZbin as well as minimalism videos and I’d love to see a cross between the two!!

[@heyshayla]

Coming in 2 weeks ;) Good to know this is something you’d like to see! I may have to watch a few though to figure out how to make it interesting 😂😂

[@shrunjalpatel1570]

This video was much needed! Thank you Shayla!! 😊

[@chelleholic]

Thanks Shayla! I needed these tips today :)

[@brookerosener3186]

Solid tips. Thank you for these!

[@kezs3848]

Love this!! Such great tip's and i could relate a lot😂

[@Jessie90ish]

Just the other week I started the list on the frig. If anything he appreciates it because he knows personal life stuff is not his strong suit. He will play for hours with our son or take him out to the wood shop or whatever the hell. But he physically can’t schedule the oil change. Or the dr appointment. So, since it is all shoved into MY brain whether I like it or not, then it is almost more of a help for ME to just have it on paper on the frig and say “have you checked the list today?” I had to frame it as it helping me, and not me being his mother. Because he is fantastic in all ways, but this. So I had to come to Jesus and be like mmmm this is something that clearly won’t change. So what can I do.

[@heyshayla]

👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@cenavisch8888]

Shayla, I LOVED this video!! Thank you for sharing these tips in such a compassionate way ❤ your content for the past year has been A+. I can relate sooo much to some of this I literally laughed out loud at the "brain mush" part!! I might try journaling in 2024 🎉💞 Have an awesome year!!!!!!¡!!!

[@shannonrichards6980]

Or should I say Hey Shayla!!

[@cherrypico3188]

Does anybody else find themselves unconsciously bobbing side to side with the same rhythm that Shayla does when she does the intro even if they're not looking at the video when she's saying it? 😅❤️

[@morgan6404]

Lmao yess!

[@heyshayla]

Hahahahahahahap

[@akashiccode]

4:23 haha “thank god you’re home here are the children.”

[@war5561]

I honestly hate the whole ‘adding to my mental load’ like.. sometimes you just have to talk about these things.

[@jolandivanzweel7781]

I didn't realize how much I needed this today. Thanks Shayla 🤍