Hiding parts of yourself so nobody gets the full picture.

[@kevlarstargate4365]

Man, I don't even have all my keys.

[@smoothie3376]

And some of them you just gladly 'lose'...

[@tonysolis9951]

When he said, "I'm playing this big charade" I felt that

[@ms.d8628]

All INFJ's are like that. I don't let people in ALL the way. They would reject me. I'm TOO open minded for the world.

[@evegreenification]

Donna Garcia yes

[@jo.k.4210]

Im too open Minded for the world XD well obviously not. You do you! Dont discriminate yourself

[@calebwilliams586]

@Barba Moj as an ENTP, I cringe

[@jeys4432]

I am entp he who seeks all information. I will understand you because I refuse the concept of not understanding

[@calebwilliams586]

@@jeys4432 no me

[@aprilparker7151]

This is why we feel so lonely. I want that relationship SO bad, for someone to know me and love me so hard, like the way that I love, which can be very intense, but I close myself off, hide from people, and disappear, and am not deserving of the love that I so desperately want.

[@dafaazka102]

Relate to this.

[@kugremahgubillah9255]

It pains me that I relate to this, because I know how you feel and I’m not at all happy that someone else feels this way.

[@janekofurog3429]

Try BIRDY app 😊

[@LoveAndSnapple]

I feel you, girlfriend. The way we love is borderline a little psychotic, but we’re seriously bent on sharing the love that’s overflowing from our eyeballs.

[@quintuplebanned4267]

April Parker but Apes Magapes, you know once you get that relationship, you’ll obsess over something else..right? That’s how we roll...infjs

[@erinn992]

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” Timothy Keller I like this one.

[@InaEspere1234]

Erinn I like it too, thanks for sharing!

[@thomashearl9002]

Thanks Erin, great thought.

[@pizzadohpaz]

INFPs (like me) would love this 😍

[@valeriehudson9861]

Beautifully said young lady.😊

[@quintuplebanned4267]

Erinn great quote. You must be an INFJ. We are so genuine, aren’t we...

[@Steve197201]

I once had a girlfriend who told me that when she first met me, she thought I was just a happy-go-lucky person. I even told her I was a simple person, and what you see is what you get, as I thought that myself. As the relationship progressed, she told me that I was a lot more complex and enigmatic than I originally appeared, and she didn't quite know who I was anymore. She told me that I was definitely NOT "what you see is what you get." Sometimes I feel like Pink in Pink Floyd's The Wall, building a wall around myself so nobody can detect my true identity as I protect myself from the bitter world.

[@eliseintheattic9697]

She conflated "what you see is what you get" with simplistic. I don't pretend to be something I'm not, but sometimes what I am is contradictory.

[@xiquai]

All these comments are relatable. I've concluded that the only consistent thing about the human race is that we are inconsistent. Even over time, the things we want, like, and dislike change.

[@quirogatnonerrat3214]

People treat other people like objects. Once they "figured it all out" regarding person A, they are NO LONGER interested in that person A, they get bored. Idk, maybe it is human nature to get bored when you know everything, but the fact is, in the end you do. At least that is why I hide parts of myself. That and because I only want God and the holy powers to know me fully, what is in my heart and my mind and no human should know all about me overall because they would just dump me in the trash bin at some point. So no, thank you. I don't need that from people, I get hurt enough as it is.

[@gayatrimatapurkar933]

Awwww sounded cute.

[@maryreilly5102]

No one can fully know us. That's why we have Art.

[@MsBettyRubble]

Mary Reilly YES! That is so true. Thanks for that. I actually did shout 'yes' when I read that. It clearly resonates.

[@gloryanderson2275]

I should totally put this on my wall

[@cassiehaughey]

Yes!

[@thatinfjgirl]

I want to like this comment 100 times

[@theresacane8784]

[@faithmartin866]

"If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known"

[@MzK985fm]

I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I think I am.

[@ikewhite6832]

I have found out that in some cases that is true, but for someone like myself who low self esteem by nature this deep thought only leads to less self esteem, but that is an interesting thoery nevertheless

[@MzK985fm]

ike white It's exhausting.

[@rahraht3242]

Oh.

[@siraniks]

tongue twisters

[@justlorelle4249]

This so is me sometimes, I've recently become a lot more aware of this & it is exhausting. I find it makes my social interactions shallow and it irritates me... I've been avoiding the kind of situations/ people that make me interact like this.

[@bluebird5887]

I hide my dark side to hunt those who do hurt me ..and hide my best side to find those who do accept me .

[@patriciarose2342]

I totally get this. 💜

[@CoffeeCrashedMal]

What do you do with the one who completely accepts you but has hurt you?

[@TheJulieGallagher]

This makes me think of something a therapist told me a long time ago. She called it having boundaries. She said it's okay to keep some things private. You aren't obligated to share with someone if you don't want to, even if they're trying to demand that you do. I grew up in an environment where boundaries weren't respected at all, so her telling me that was a breakthrough for me. I get to decide who to trust, and it's okay to keep myself safe if I feel vulnerable. I'm slow to open up to people I meet. Slow, as in sometimes it can take months, or even years. I don't let them see the real me until I know it's safe to do so. Maybe it's a sign of low self-esteem that other people's disapproval can hurt me so much. I don't know. But I hide behind a smile and being very agreeable when I first meet someone. Most people never see more than that. It doesn't necessarily feel dishonest to do that, because I really do respect other people's right to their opinions (within reason). I feel like I'm rambling, so I'll shut up. This is the first time I've written a comment (though not the first time I've thought about doing it). When I saw how many other thoughtful comments there already were, I almost changed my mind, because, how could my little voice possibly matter when other people have already said it better than I ever could? But then I decided to throw in my 2 cents anyway. Cheers.

[@Selahwiththesavior]

@Julie Your Voice most definitely matters 🤗

[@ceyx1201]

I, myself is like that, too. But it's not a low self-esteem. We just don't trust that easy, we're like a WALLnut. 😂😂😂

[@_InsertName_]

Hey it's okay to share yourself, esp this comment section is safe from toxicity. 🙂 I myself have started to do that because not everyone can understand me and may misinterpret me. It's a good and matured decision to have boundaries.

[@ceyx1201]

@@_InsertName_ Haha. Not on me. Look at my name. 😂😂😂😂. Aside that, with you, people, maybe it's OK?!

[@april2782]

I feel the same way as you

[@tokensharma3738]

I wish people could read my mind so that, I won't have to explain the reasons for some wrong deeds and love me as I am. ✊😔 -An INFJ

[@roisinnigcrainn7722]

Exactly. I wish I could skip the awkward embarassment of explanation, I wish people could just _know_ and _understand._

[@jeshan0659]

🙁🙁🙁🙁😞

[@keaton5850]

Nah I would be too scared about that. We are not talking about embarrassment but fear. Or is it just me ?

[@keaton5850]

I am afraid of people getting to know the real me even though I want to find people with whom I would like to open up. Quite the paradox, huh ? Well that’s infj for ya !

[@quirogatnonerrat3214]

Then get another infj as your partner and thus you shall have your mind read most of the times :) of course, a healthy infj

[@MsBettyRubble]

The only one who knows me perfectly is Amazon. It knows all my hobbies, musical taste, movie genres, favorite haircare products, and other interests. I don't need or even want to share everything with another person. That would take too long to do and would be too tedious. Besides, a little mystery is fun. Also, I got tired of the judgements. I'd say I liked something or am taking a class in a favorite subject, and the person I shared the info with would say something similar to, "You like that kind of stuff?" Like they were embarrassed for me. Now, you hear crap like that often enough from family and friends and the doors just close. I told a relative I was a tech writer and loved it. First thing out of her mouth was that it sounded boring. That's not what you say to someone ever. So obviously I don't share anything with her.

[@PassedTime2788]

MsBettyR. People suck sometimes and I'm sorry. You sound like a very eclectic person. (:

[@MsBettyRubble]

NobodysBusiness Thanks much, my dear! :)

[@amandathemystic1828]

Omg Im dealing with the same thing!!! I totally feel your pain.

[@wildrabbit1314]

Same.

[@MsBettyRubble]

Anise OMG, you are brilliant! I laughed so hard, I scared my dog. I so want to say that to the next person who asks me what I do for a living. Better yet, if I ever see the relative again, I hope the subject comes up again so I can say that to her face. Thanks for making my day! 💕

[@laurahunter2769]

James Franco... You are the male version of me. When you talked about how you carry around a lot of anger but people perceive you differently resonated. I’ve watched a few other infj videos on KZbin and yours are the best. (Mainly because your the first actual infj to talk about being an infj)

[@daniellemason4951]

Absolutey, I feel like if I release my anger, I will destroy everything including myself it's really hard to come back from that it's dark. an inner psychopath, The people that try you don't even understand. What it takes to push that down. It's hard I feel like there is a block in me that keeps me from harming anyone. Ahhhhhhh

[@jeffreyanderson1851]

Frank James

[@Brothisisprivate]

James franco 😭😭

[@batjon1963]

I think we play different roles with different people. Not that we're being false necessarily, just that certain qualities are appropriate to certain people and situations. And I believe there are parts of ourselves we keep hidden from everyone, and that that's perfectly okay. Frank, I'm curious how many of the 100 keys you feel you've given to those of us who watch your videos. How free do you feel to reveal aspects of yourself here?

[@andraste6746]

Jonathan Locke that’s a fascinating question.

[@MsBettyRubble]

Jonathan Locke Great question. I hope he answers it.

[@toyotaprius79]

Jonathan Locke Sure, we may not know him personally day to day, but for sure we've all come to know how he thinks things through and how we do too. If the MBTI score is anything to go buy, wouldn't Frank be sharing that 1.4 keys with us? At the very least why not?

[@shannonlogue5585]

Jonathan Locke If I can continue to use the visual analogy of the hallway of doors, I would guess that we as the viewers "rent" out the keys like a hotel. Because we are frequent visitors, we may get a peek into many of the rooms, and maybe even get invited in for a brief stay (like for a cup of coffee enjoying deep conversation). However, we have to know that we will have to give the key back eventually and remember that housekeeping had done some deep cleaning (video editing) before we were even allowed to enter the room.

[@shannonlogue5585]

"Had done"? Is that correct grammar? It sounds weird? That's right, right? Lol

[@LoveAndSnapple]

I think that’s the “counselor” within us. We’re so used to hearing everyone else’s problems and having ours dismissed, that it’s foreign to other people that we actually HAVE feelings. That we can be anything more than just a shoulder to cry on or an open ear to talk to. That we have passions and opinions that could actually make people angry and that we can actually be disagreeable and firm on certain topics. It’s like, if no one wants to bother getting to know surface me, then they don’t deserve the rich, mineral me that lies beyond the surface.

[@lizzii92]

Love that analogy 'rich mineral me'

[@suesteig3025]

❤

[@freeyourdreama7822]

But other people are wonderlands also -- and respond differently to superficial barriers created - so what does it mean to deserve your rich mineral self ??? It means at root u dont love urself and create these supposed barriers to knowing the real you per se but perhaps that real you is just as normal as everyone else and it’s not this big grand thing that needs so much awe inspiring deserve level from another. In other words this is all about judgments of others as projection of your own judgements of urself and ur really only keeping urself from intimacy - its simply avoidance being posed as something mo.

[@LoveAndSnapple]

@@freeyourdreama7822 No, you totally misunderstood and misread what I said. From an outsiders perspective the person who is always the counselor is one-dimensional and there is no need to listen or hear what they have to say. What I’m saying is that a lot of people are so into themselves and their own problems that they wouldn’t bother to think that the person that they keep going to has their own problems, their own wondrous personality. It has nothing to do with barriers, projections, and judgements. What I said was what I said.

[@judihart9658]

Amen💖😉☝️🤔What was that quote?" If you can't handle the worst of me?You can't get the best of me.🤷‍♀️" or something like that.💖💪&🙏💪💖⚡!👍😎

[@recoveringsoul755]

I am invisible, no one is trustworthy enough to know all about me. People Who were supposed to love me and care have betrayed me.

[@sylviakovessy]

Recovering Soul so very true.

[@recoveringsoul755]

Sylvia Kovessy thanks for bringing my attention back here. Fixed my spelling. Must have written late at night.

[@sylviakovessy]

Recovering Soul your welcome. Hope things are going well with you. Prayers for Blessings in your life. ❤️

[@amandagraves3024]

We are vulnerable and we know people will take the sacred parts of us and run with them that's why we must protect our vulnerabilities.

[@arthur1543]

Yes Happens to me also. 😢😡😪

[@ladysuper2000]

I am an INFP and I've always felt exactly the same way... I often hide parts of myself very consciously, knowing that the person in front of me won't understand me anyway so I don't even bother trying to show the real me. It feels like it would be a waste of energy. It IS very important to me to be my true, authentic self, but that doesn't keep me from hiding those certain things. And for each person, it may be something else that I am hiding. And then again I often find myself sitting at home alone and complain to myself that no one really knows me... But how could anybody with me acting that way? At the same time, sometimes I don't even realize that I'm keeping things or maybe I just think not each detail of my personality is important or worthy of being shown... But maybe all those little things are important too

[@user-mc5vy2vk5n]

Same there, but INTJ.

[@ladysuper2000]

@@user-mc5vy2vk5n nice to see another German here :) and nice Profil picture, I've always identified with Luna a lot

[@user-mc5vy2vk5n]

@@ladysuper2000 nice to see another Potterhead here ;) Luna ist einfach großartig ^^

[@ucefamir6082]

Relate to this so much like I sometimes feel very lonely and I hate It but at the same time I don't do anything about it and it's like procrastinating I just think to myself that some grown up version of me will finally let someone 100% in and he can really just be himself and be happily ever after which I know that probably it will never happen

[@aruna0802]

Cheers! I feel exactly the same as u

[@sirius3469]

For me, I think it's important to keep those inner parts, thoughts and feelings private. I do so because I honor them as sacred, and if I do wish to reveal some of those aspects of myself, I'll do so with individuals who are able to appreciate and connect with me on that level of depth.

[@mara.j]

True, my feelings exactly.

[@sunshine11900]

Completely agree. It’s very painful to be fully open and have people be crass or outright ridicule you for feelings you take seriously.

[@sensorium6]

We know you, Frank. We see you. When you look into that camera, just remember: there are a thousand INFJ eyes looking back at you. Gazing deep into your soul. You cannot hide, Frank. We SEE you.

[@ci7280]

sensorium6 y r so brilliant!

[@cherylnelson3499]

And we accept you..the parts you share . those you don’t are none of our business .❤️🙏

[@hukihuki4135]

😂😂

[@frogandtoady]

I think we know the essence of him but we won't ever know/see the actual, real FJ

[@galaxiesandfallacies4584]

As an ENFP, the idea of that was one of the most terrifying and exciting concepts I've heard in awhile.

[@domedweller4202]

"To thine own self be true." Shakespeare

[@yehiafawzi6139]

THATS MY BIO ON FACEBOOK AS AN INFJ WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[@nickjones6646]

It blows my mind how I can have such a strong ability in pattern recognition yet fail to spot my own patterns of behavior until they are years in hindsight :(

[@cozy5217]

Some things are no one else's business- and that's ok! Lately I have been more straightforward with people, which is tough because I am a people pleaser and hate to disappoint. However, by being honest about who I am and what I believe, I give people the opportunity to like me or dislike me for who I really am 😊

[@codeN_8]

Same

[@Dadarotas303]

I was a total people pleaser too, but I encountered a person, who will throe you to the ground, but you won't notice it, because they make it seem like it's you doing it, and they're saving you. Only realised what's happening when i stopped inputting and started analyzing it, had a total mental breakdown when i realised everything, so i decided to rebuild myself from the ground up, and get rid of people pleasing, I want to be kind and loving, but not a people pleaser.

[@lizcabida117]

I'm trying to do the same, being more authentic to who I am.. But it's very challenging. I dont like hurting other people's feelings, so I tend to have a hard time saying no as well.. And I cant even tell a close friend if I dont like what she's wearing. How did you start becoming more straightforward with people?

[@viktoriakononykhina2237]

this is also what I am working on right now :)

[@fatmaaj232]

How do u even do that .. I'm struggling with this 😢

[@RootedandtheWingedBook]

You're onto a thought that Dostoyevsky explores, especially in "The Idiot." “There is something at the bottom of every new human thought, every thought of genius, or even every earnest thought that springs up in any brain, which can never be communicated to others, even if one were to write volumes about it and were explaining one's idea for thirty-five years; there's something left which cannot be induced to emerge from your brain, and remains with you forever; and with it you will die, without communicating to anyone perhaps the most important of your ideas.”

[@khyati7733]

Oh wooow. Id love to know more. Ive actually been thinking about this concept a lot these days without even knowing what it was?

[@quirogatnonerrat3214]

Wuhoo! I also love Dostoievski and my first and fav novel of his is The Idiot because in a way it postrays an ideal man, maybe an ideal infj? Also Dostoievski was an infj himsef. Glad you mentioned it and that we have so much in common :) sending you all my love and good wishes, God bless you

[@charlottemanche249]

Even those closest to me see the side of me tailored to them. They see the parts of me that I believe will positively impact them... Those around me also have very different ideas of who I am, and none are innately 'wrong' or untrue to who I am. The people who have seen the 'most' of me are probably the ones who are most confused by me. As an INFJ, I'm a walking contradiction. Most often I combat this confusion by isolating aspects of my personality to certain people or situations. I could only be my 100% self with an INFJ, I know this, but my chaos alone can be unbearable; I can hardly imagine the chaos of two.

[@Aussie9er]

Yeah, what Charlotte Manche said, that's what I was going to say. ;p

[@suecrumley8897]

Perfectly articulated as my opinion

[@MsBettyRubble]

Charlotte Manche When you say chaos, who's definition are you using, yours or someone else's? Cuz that doesn't sound right. Like maybe you got some negative feedback and have now internalized it. What you wrote actually concerns me, and I have no idea why.

[@charlottemanche249]

MsBettyR. I think from unspoken feedback. I personally internalized the percieved perceptions others have of me. By 'chaos', I know it has a negative connotation, but I mean it more in the sense that INFJ's do not live in a linear construct. Everything is perceived, analysed, judged, broken down and then reconstructed. It's a lot, other people do not expend so much energy through just thinking about human interactions and their 'self'. I use the word chaos, because to others, this would seem overwhelming and obsessive.

[@MsBettyRubble]

Charlotte Manche I see. Thanks for taking the time to explain that. I am an INFJ too. So your process is similar to mine. If you don't perceive your actions as chaotic, then find another word. If you use words that other ppl would use to define you and they have a negative connotation, then you give into their judgement of you. And quite frankly, you're better than that. A non-linear process isn't chaotic; it's just non-linear.

[@deemoore97]

It’s funny cause I’ve always felt like people don’t see my deeper intricacies. And yet with my INFP girlfriend we’ll be talking about something and she’ll be like “I know” and I’m usually flattered and in awe rhat she takes the time to understand me so well

[@BurgundyandBlue1111]

Noone knows me 100%. I don't think I even know me 100%. That being said, I think it is unnecessary to show all that you are consciously aware of about yourself to everyone. It is, quite frankly, noone's business what is in a person's mind, heart, and spirit unless the person has chosen to disclose it. Any pre-emptive outside understanding can be perceived as intrusive. I think for social reasons, it is good to "present well". It's not "being fake". It is being respectful of the people around you and it is also being protective of those precious, delicate, tenderized innermost regions of the Self. Those parts should be saved for people who either need to know it or you deeply trust and love.

[@NikkiDocherty74]

BurgundyandBlue1111 , I feel know myself 100%. I completely agree about the part that most people don't need to know everything about us. Knowing everything or most about us is reserved for our spouse and God alone.

[@sirius3469]

Truth!

[@AnCatDubh0]

yes. knowing oneself is hard enough.

[@pattyhill9278]

Well said

[@fabeeldevante5524]

I am a hyper egoistic postmodernist who goes downtown in my pyjamas cz i think "presenting well" means "being fake" and leading a "double life" which totally sucks.i Dont care if i offended you. I am just respecting myself by "being myself"

[@Kaylad8528]

I certainly walk around feeling like I see more in other people than they see in themselves. The misogynist who actually just resents his mom and misses his dad. The strong female manager with her shit together that's still trying to prove she has her shit together. I usually feel like I know myself better, and know others better than than they know me or themselves. But, I don't have the illusion that I'm hiding any part of myself from anyone else. I suppose I feel more like... most other people aren't working as hard to understand me as I am to understand them. But, it is scary when someone shows they do understand you, and you didn't expect it. See: Brene Brown and Vulnerability

[@astoldbynickgerr]

I get it 😌

[@domedweller4202]

"Where the tongue slips,it speaks the truth." Old Irish saying

[@NikkiDocherty74]

That's not always true. Sometimes it's not a slip. When someone was being abusive, passing the same old lies and i could tell they were fishing, i reeled them in and caught them at their game. (You catch the one who's baiting you.) I have had to do that before because the lies were being spread so bad for so long that it had to be stopped.

[@ikewhite6832]

Its known in psychology as a floydian slip!

[@corsicanlulu]

@@ikewhite6832 freudian slip not floydian

[@gijose83]

The Japanese say you have three faces. The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends, and your family. The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.

[@katiegrant2482]

WOW that title got me in my feels immediately. I had a mini anxiety attack last night that was in part prompted by this. I just don't feel fully seen, heard, or understood by anyone and it is tough. Thanks for sharing! It's nice to know that other humans feel misunderstood.

[@unfilterin]

As INFJs we all know by now that the world isn’t kind to us. Opening up all the way is just setting yourself up for suffering. Its just the way it’s always been, at least for me. It’s something I’ve learned to accept and deal with. It’s however, incredibly lonely.

[@saywardelliot6541]

We're never a complete, finished product, in my opinion. Too much self examination and introspection can lead to nauseating self- absorption. Less is more? Idk...

[@caseywalker8849]

I would love to have a long, in-depth conversation about things like this with you! I think about this stuff all the time, trying to analyze why I’m so protective of myself and make it such a point to behave in a way that doesn’t give others too much insight into me, probably because I read people all the time, I’m paranoid they’re trying to figure me out, and that freaks me out

[@thatASMRchick]

I have an issue with being too open. I like for everyone to know me for me, my flaws included. However, I keep the really dark stuff to myself unless I feel super close to the person. Like I said in a past video, I've shown my full, true self to a friend of mine who has passed but was unlike any other person I've ever met before. He accepted me for who I was and I accepted him. It was a truly great friendship. He would tell me when I was acting stupid in a very blunt way, but it wouldn't anger me because it was him, this guy who accepted me even if I'm dumb. I could tell him when he was acting dumb, etc. We never fought. It was just a really weird, yet great, friendship. I also showed my recent ex basically all of the horrors I have deep down, the things I've been through, etc. He wouldn't let me into his horror, though. I think he looked at me like a weirdo after I told him all I went through, but he wasn't an empathetic person. He'd even use some of the things I confided in him as ammo in fights, which I never in a million years assumed he would do (shows you how much I can see into his person). So, when we broke up, he stole my secrets away with him. I, too, have a lot of anger inside that I try not to express to other people, but it comes out in my dreams and just in horrible ways mentally, physically. Anger hides anxiety and sadness, though. Anger is a powerful feeling, so the body would prefer to feel this angry, powerful way than to feel sad, scared, and vulnerable. But all in all, it's a wall hiding things. However, most people AREN'T this open. Most people want to hide the flaws because they've more than likely been harassed about them in the past or fear how their friends, loved ones will react if shown. The truest friends will stay.

[@rekal7775]

I guess it wouldn't happen with any random acquaintance you just got introduced to? I also open up too easily sometimes, but it takes at least some connection, which doesn't happen very often.

[@NikkiDocherty74]

thatASMRchick , i was narcistically abused and gaslighted by an ex. He knows some of my past hurts, and some he only thinks he knows, but he knows someone else's version of things which is NOT the truth about some of them. He also outright lied about a lot things and is quite a spin doctor on some things, so I am sure there is no understanding that mess.

[@thatASMRchick]

@Reka Levai Tbh, I sometimes do speak too openly to even new acquaintances when they attempt to talk to me. I'll be like "I'll tell you upfront you may find me cold or awkward because I have no idea how to communicate according to norms." or something weird like that. It may or may not end the conversation.

[@jclyntoledo]

thatASMRchick LOL, what?! I thought I was weird for giving disclaimers like it was part of my abandonment/anxiety issues. It's nice to know I'm not the only one and that this is definitely a norm for others. Although I made it a point to be positive about it and so I kind of just laugh it off and the person just continues the convo. Honestly I think that's probably why people open up to me because I admitted a flaw and now they can be vulnerable too.

[@thatASMRchick]

Haha yeah! I thought I was weird, too, for doing that but yeah it sometimes does seem to make people feel more at ease with me since we're all flawed.

[@marylouasicksik8156]

As I was listening I had this wonderful sense of peace. There is no one who knows all of me. It is comforting to know I have parts of me that are only mine. Like a cute little bird only I share with myself or inside jokes I have with just me. If I want to share them I will. But I don’t have to. I love the different parts of me inside each door and it’s taken most of my life to say that. On the point about our complex specialness, I think we are all amazingly unique. There is no one who has lived or will live that is exactly like me and that is true about everyone. We are indeed special but not more so than anyone else. Great talk. This one really got my brain a-flowing! Thank you

[@nicolemarie745]

*clicks thumbs up as video begins* I'm not sure if it's possible to know anyone 100%. I feel like humans are such complex creatures that there's always going to be something or some part we are unaware of.

[@go2therock]

Nicole Tramell me too. Frank is a pretty sure thumbs up in advance bet. 😊

[@ephedrenaline4374]

Frank, I want you to make these candid-talk videos again. These. Helped. Me. I miss them.

[@feliciamariemueller]

Me too!!

[@yoobinjung35]

We know that the wildest and most moving dramas are played not in the theatre but in the hearts of ordinary men and women who pass by without exciting attention, and who betray to the world nothing of the conflicts that rage within them except possibly by a nervous breakdown. What is so difficult for the layman to grasp is the fact that in most cases the patients themselves have no suspicion whatever of the internecine war raging in their unconscious. If we remember that there are many people who understand nothing at all about themselves, we shall be less surprised at the realization that there are also people who are utterly unaware of their actual conflicts. C. G. Jung, Col Works, vol 7

[@AlannaBoudreau]

You make me feel anchored. Because you express that which is in me. Thank you.

[@mjnoon3609]

Frank this is probably the best video you ever made for a weird reason I can't put my hands on it.

[@silverscreech6851]

"Maybe they'll be sad because they'll find out I'm not who they really think I am" Oof. Felt this so hard. It's like, "I don't want to make you feel bad about your own ability to judge/understand people, so it's probably just kinder for me to match your expectations/perceptions of who I am, rather than be my authentic, messy, human self and shatter your worldview". It's like ... I don't want to deprive other people of their reality by allowing my own, conflicting assessment to exist - or like, tell people they were wrong or crossed my boundaries, or hurt others through hypocrisy/self-delusion, so everything I say/do/think/feel do has to be congruent with all of the emotional/interpersonal data recieved from both myself and others at all times. And ... wow. That is ... super, super messsed up when you think about it. It's almost like being a walking museum - I'm open to the public, I would like people to come in and view the art, I would like people to enjoy the art and talk about the art and critique the art - but, respectfully, from behind the velvet rope. Please do not touch the art - the art is fragile and could be damaged by improper handling. I will cop to having some trust issues myself - and I recently realized that (for me, at least) it all boils down to respect (or, a quantifiable lackthereof). Like ... there is always a risk that someone who comes into the museum will jump the rope and set the art on fire - or just be thoughtless/negligent and smear their greasy peanut-butter finger-prints all over the Mona Lisa, despite the multiple signs which have specifically asked them not to do so. Sorry for the rambling - this video just resonated with me and I thought it might be helpful.

[@TitanicConcerts]

I think it is absolutely necessary to keep parts of yourself hidden from others. One example: a few years ago I had an experience that I believe was connected to a past life. I stumbled on something that triggered memories and emotions that there was no earthly for reason for me to care about at all. Now my family just happens to be the most narrow, shallow, dim-witted bunch you can imagine. For me to go share my experience with them would be a kind of suicide; like walking in front of a firing squad. No thanks. If I need to talk about that experience with another person, I'll find someone who has gone through something similar so I know I won't be judged for it. In all seriousness, when it comes to toxic people, the less they know the better.

[@eljaykayaye1186]

JC Morton it's because the reaction means something to us but if we didn't care about the reaction we could be free. The give and take mechanics of that is what makes relationship hard, how much do we want to be effected. Will it change our decisions? Do we choose isolation?, it's quite a strange process. A weird dynamic. The Tolle stuff aside which F J sort of getting at and I'm not all in at this time.

[@carlyj4383]

Frank....are you hiding pretty ponies under your pillow? Maybe that's the 1 percent.

[@thedawsons1253]

3:37 Hahaha I thought I was the only person who asked myself questions to challenge my own assertions...then answering my own question #INFJ

[@dysphunc]

My girl FJ - Really good analogy with the keys. But you know what? I believe it's okay, I let so many people see so much of me - but I keep me for me. And I need to do that. The tiny part of us that we guard and keep out of the prying eyes of the world is what's left of our innocence. The inner child who reminds us of what we need for ourselves and what we won't compromise ourselves for. The reason we don't share it - it doesn't matter to anyone else. It's just for ourselves.

[@NikkiDocherty74]

Jesse's random gaming , i dont think that there are keys to me. There are windows to me, doors to me, but not keys. If there were they would only be in God's hands.

[@TheKellendras]

Yes!

[@beautyboots11]

The concept of identity has been in my mind for so long. Even made a draft about it in twitter just a few hours ago before I saw this video (what a coincidence hahah). And after much confusion and pondering, I now settle with the thought that not one person, ourselves included, can gain a complete and thorough knowledge/understanding of our totality as human beings.

[@TheRaGiTe]

I met one person who knew 100%, gets difficult if you change but their perception doesn't. That's about it. I recently pushed myself to express myself more outwardly, and it's been rewarding. Also not everyone is understanding, you have to have extreme empathy to be able to understand everything about someone else without actually being them. Some people can't at all and most people are in between.

[@angelar9759]

I’ve never came across someone who I relate to so well like this. This is me I felt someone knew me 100%. Hope that you’re well I think your comment make me feel less alone.

[@chloedunnmusic]

This is a really interesting topic. A lyric from The Verve pops into my head almost on the daily: "I'm a million different people from one day to the next". For me, it's not so much a case of hiding the last 5% or 2% from people, it's actually being an entirely different person with different people. This is made worse by speaking two languages and feeling like I have two personalities, French and English, and then a million different iterations of those two personalities depending on who I'm talking to. I'd like to be more steadfast. Cos it's a headf*** knowing who I actually am. p.s. Your voice is lovely.

[@aritraroy17]

This touched me to a spiritual and emotional level...never have I related to anything this much... thank you

[@Strife1425]

I hide parts of myself because i want to be anonymous to people, i just want to make a big change in this world, a positive influence but behind the scenes, obscure and such.

[@swath421]

Slifer717 this is so on the nose for me. Why do I want to do such big, positive, impactful things with no one knowing who I am? I constantly am trying to think of pen names for this exact scenario

[@katlover7]

Exactly how I feel

[@hukihuki4135]

Wow

[@markdhananjaya5663]

Same wtf

[@deanacincotta2236]

I just came across this today and it made me cry. I've tried to explain this to so many people over the years and I never can. Thank you for letting me know that someone understands ❤

[@TheSdennis89]

Absolutely no one 'knows' anyone and no one 'knows' themselves because there is no such thing as the 'self'. We are a moment in time and space, jumping from moment to moment, different everytime with the illusion of consistency following us around. Without this great important fallacy, we'd all go mad and be unable to do the thing we're here to do, experience.

[@hollisholt4073]

Sarah Dennis Damn! That's a profound and enlightened thought. Well said. I totally agree. Namaste! 💜

[@Anewbyss]

exactly. I am not the body, i am not the mind, I am not this voice of judgment. There is no self here. if i am not mind, body or voice...then who am i?........nothing..... :) freedom!

[@ManifestedMan]

May be or not! Excellent redefinition of the self lost in sequential time I think the self is real when our understanding of time is an illusion. Time is the context in which the self is defined and expressed. Keep the idea's coming!

[@thomashearl9002]

Ok, I changed my mind, you need to be my wife. What great insight. Ty

[@thomashearl9002]

B

[@claudi010778]

I love your videos Frank, thanks for sharing them. I don't think anyone knows anyone else 100%, especially when we don't even know ourselves completely. I also believe that every person subconsciously hides some of themselves, especially in the superficial world we live in and if we are experienced/wise enough to know how people think and work, would never trust anyone 100%. It's about protecting ourselves from the arseholes out there...

[@FrankJames]

thanks, Claudia, I appreciate it

[@samchapman7513]

Maybe I don’t want anyone to know who I am, because then I will be perceived as that, and it isn’t true! The moment you identify with something is the moment you limit yourself 🐝

[@ggresham4419]

Amen

[@ggresham4419]

This is why I didn't read for a long time when I was younger because I was so afraid that I would accuse myself or be accused of being influenced or regurgitating other people's thoughts

[@shahad61]

Wow!

[@techkpd7681]

You are getting me through a lot of stuff. I don't feel like I've ever belonged.. But you talk to my soul. Thank you!!

[@bettz382]

I'm at point where I can't trust others anymore nor have energy to hold relationship...buuuut ppl like you FJ are always welcome. I really love your way of thinking... making lot of sense! Let's be bff

[@stupidmanmoments4947]

As an INF, I would say everyone hides aspects of themselves. The difference is that others hide a situation, lie, personal trauma, etc. We feel like it's more to us because we are hiding emotions that are intertwined within our beings. We do not feel like we are lying or hiding, but rather just unseen. No one understands us. And not just a small part of us, but the core of us.

[@Softening.into.His.Glory.]

Open to a point, and it's a different point depending on the relationship. God alone can know us fully.

[@desertstar7199]

Armonia Lise Amen

[@fahkue7793]

I love how you see so much insight while you're doing your videos. You have mastered introspection but you continue to question it. You have definitely taught me so much and I am grateful for you and your content!

[@brittyd759]

My guy friend of 8 years or so realized one day that he knows practically nothing about me but I know him and have witnessed a lot of things in his life. He said "You have a certain charm and mystery about you that you can't figure out" just last night and, while that's flattering and all, I feel like you said in 'playing a part' with everyone even my closest of friends. My family doesn't even really get me - i think my mom does see how much of a goofball I can be but I hide a lot of the bad from her and it's like that with everyone..like I'm some planet and from where they're positioned in my life they only ever get to see the side of me that's facing them. They expect me to be such an enigma or they have a definite view of me but honestly I feel hollow and even I have no idea who I really am. Feels like ppl create their character and have forced themselves to be who they are but I'm like an unorganized stack of likes and dislikes, unsorted junk mail, moods, and nerves.

[@joshbeach4680]

Love your vids man, I actually follow your thought process very easily so it must speak to the INFJness. But yes I believe you hit the nail in the head. I too feel no one knows me 100% and I would argue no one knows anyone 100% without their explicit permission or if ever at all. Maybe it's the selfish genes way of protecting itself and it's psyche. And it's very possible we overestimate our abilities and under realize others.

[@rebecca1326]

Hey, Frank 😊 I definitely identify with this video. I had somewhat of an identity crisis about a year ago- not due entirely to this tendancy, but it played a part. Mostly, it was due to losing myself in a toxic relationship and then acting unchanged around family and friends to prevent them from knowing how much I had changed over the course of this relationship. I'm in a much healthier place now. I have found that being honest and revealing yourself is an ongoing process. I have 2 people in my life that I share most of my deepest thoughts with. I'm always 99% open with at least one of them at a time- but never both at the same time for whatever reason. I do think it's okay to keep some things to yourself. However, for the sake of sanity, I find it valuable to have someone who is incredibly trustworthy who knows most of you. Whereas before, I was an entirely different person to everyone in my life. I felt like I couldn't make the puzzle piece perceptions that I portrayed to them fit to make a picture that truly resembled me.

[@laurenlockridge5583]

This guy seems so pure. I hope he’s doing well

[@MzK985fm]

I am not what you think I am. You are what you think I am.

[@amandagraves3024]

I used to be very naieve when I was younger I assumed everyone was like me and thought like me. I later realized how wrong I was.

[@MzK985fm]

Amanda Graves Same! It's a lonely revelation

[@stanleymaestas5441]

so far from your videos you've hit the nail on the head about intj/infj personality///it took me a long time to even realize that i'm intj/infj///all my life people saw my strengths and flaws and critiqued me as you described. be more outgoing and tolerant of lifes disappointments /stay away from over indulgence/don't overthink/self sabatoge/ try to stay in moment etc.//these videos are helpful and provide incite into being 2% of population.

[@crystalkgaribay]

This resonates with me. Thank you, James

[@kristenelese34]

I am a fellow INFJ I was on the same track of about every single thought process in this video... every disclosure you put forth, every time you made a revelation I felt it as well. Pretty amazing stuff. Even though my input makes me a bias, it’s still pretty cool to listen to someone speak about these subjects and be able to relate on such an emotional level... only half of my understanding was the context. The fact that I was along side you during your process and even at times predicting the next conclusion you were going to make brought me to tears. I’ve never really fully felt understood by others and I’ve never felt anyone COULD fully understand; even if I presented my entire thought process step by step there are weird little blocks people carry with them. For example, on what you said about caring or not caring about trends in a past video resonated with me deeply. I feel the same as you. I guess my input is this: I prefer to keep those ‘opinions’ to myself out of fear of offending another party. I guess I feel like their hobbies and interests ~are what they are~ and they are living their own path as I am my own. I’ve had to kind of learn to subdue the urge to try to get people to think “my way.” I used to be really stuck in the belief that I was better than people.The honesty is in nobody’s best interest and I’ve taught myself to shut it off which may or may not be good?. that ultimately inhibits my ability to be known fully, as I’ve kept those little doors, hobbies, tastes to myself, because I’d rather be interested and kind and accepting of their interests. I’ll mention my own only if it’s separate and doesn’t downplay theirs... only if it comes up naturally. Not coming from a pretentious place at all, I just want to love people for who they are. If that means that I hide a bit of myself, it’s okay; it’s a small sacrifice to allow others to feel comfortable around me and I love getting to a point where they’re opened up and I can feel confident that I can say anything and they’ll accept me. Now for the problem, how rare that last part actually is. I’ve shut off flung open door Kristen because I’ve been hurt deeply, and now I’m seeking for others to be along the opening up process WITH me before I become a shell. It’s an interesting place to be and a first as well.

[@andraste6746]

“All the worlds a stage and all the men and women merely players”. Is that what you were thinking of? Your vlogs are so thought provoking.

[@rinusworldzm]

Dude, I understand you 100. I'm the same way too. For me its not even like people will get snippets of the same story, some people know snippets from different stories. They can't exchange notes on me accurately. I know I am being closed off. A lot of it because I have a lot on my heart and mind that I feel letting out will destroy a lot of peoples view of me. And to some messed up degree, I feel like people will be turned away when they see the complete picture.

[@anju5124]

I think I understand you.

[@finelight532]

I agree, no one ever sees the real you, and I'd go as far as saying that we ourselves don't have all of the keys to our own doors. Misperception of self is very common, just due to the fact that we confuse who we want to be and how we want to appear to others with our authentic self. I think only God can truly know us in all of our fullness, and through having a universal lens in which we look at ourselves we can more better perceive ourselves, and then all that we thought we are kinda falls away, while we simultaneously gain, or realize the self that was always there that we never acknowledged or recognized. There are parts of myself that I have been ignorant towards that hadn't been made plain to me until I saw myself from God's perspective. I also don't think who we are is like a set thing, but a journey. I'm constantly morphing and growing into a different me every day, but I'm growing into my original purpose of me, like undoing all that is or that I've perceived is, to become what always was.

[@deniserocco2963]

Antoinetta Avant ...Amen

[@jackbobo5397]

I can't believe how much I relate to your videos. I find myself laughing out loud because what your saying hits spot on with me. I've never been able to relate so well to information about INFJs. Keep up the good work!

[@infjane]

The way you talk makes me think about myself. It looks like you know what you want to say but at the same time you seem a bit lost while expressing yourself, maybe because you can't find the exact words to explain how you think/feel. As an INFJ I never trust people a hundred percent also. I don't reveal some parts of who I am as a way of protecting myself and not being vulnerable.

[@submittedones]

So freaking emotional now just seeing there is another person out there like me

[@claystahl7002]

Iseeingnowidontwhowhoiamifeellikeafetus

[@jesus_is_the_way]

This resonates on every level. I just wrote a blog entry about this exact thing a few days ago - the "issue of authenticity". I believe deep down it's a fear of being rejected/unloved/unappreciated if we show ourselves 100%. I also believe that that's what our soul truly desires - a deep communion and intimacy with another... That is only truly possible with God, but we want to replicate that same thing with another human being, and it's very hard! Because we naturally understand and know that people are fallible and that they/we aren't truly capable of unconditional love the way we want and need it... I think that's where the difficulty lies - letting ourselves be "seen" intimately by another human being, knowing that they will probably screw up and hurt us in some way sooner or later. That's why it's so hard to truly open up. But we also deeply long for it, because we were made for that kind of intimacy in the first place and we feel unfulfilled when we don't have it. At the end of the day, we all want to feel special and wanted, and that can only be possible if we feel like we are *known* and seen for who we are 100%... God bless you! You are not alone.

[@liisl.8525]

"Maybe you understand people well enough that it makes you not want to trust anybody." That's one of those clips I rewind to, and play it again and let it sink in a little. Because I can recognise that in myself. But I didn't know (or I haven't wanted) to think of it that way. I just recently found your channel. And your videos answer many questions I've had. I'm continuously having those "I get that!"-moments. Thank you for sharing!

[@aveuch]

"You don't know me, I do what I want". - Eric Cartman

[@equs1b]

I'm right there with you on this. I'm also open generally with people. It's intimacy, finding someone that can handle true intimacy with people like us is difficult. So were used to limiting intimacy with others based on what we think they can handle and then it becomes a habit that's hard to break even when we should.

[@aliciashanks5239]

I don't know the real me, 100% 🤷‍♀️

[@SonyaHalan2863]

Totally understand your perspective on keeping certain parts of your life private

[@carolinahorning]

I believe that it is common to always hide a bit of ourselves to others We don’t really know who we are We are so fragmented So repressed at times In my life I aspire to strip away from all the masks I’ve collected over the years With love and courage And self acceptance My spiritual practice is at the core of this for me

[@paullucas7506]

The way you capture shyt and say it is scary asf. I've watched many of your vids and the shyt is just crazy. But I'm so glad that you make these vids. I'm not alone and that feels very good to know I'm not that crazy and different. Thank you bro.

[@beckypink820]

It takes a long time for people to get to know me and I'm learning to be more open and expressive. I think sometimes us INFJs can be closed books because of all the thinking we do. Like you said in the video on the INFJ stare ? sometimes people just need us to verbalise a little glimpse into what we are thinking or feeling so they can follow along. I often forget some people don't have the same intuition levels I do and they need me to be a bit more obvious with them. Exrovert Sensing types in particular (at least in my experience anyway).

[@EE-zg1fl]

The way you think and come with so many buts and perspectives is so relatable I can’t even and I’m overthinking but I’ll post.

[@SilverFlame819]

Absolutely nobody on this planet knows me 100%. Not even a question.

[@SilverFlame819]

This is the second video I've seen where you've dropped God in randomly, but it's really ambiguous. Are you a God believer? Following a certain path?

[@Anonymous_Anon882]

Never mind 100%. Even 80%’s an enormous stretch (at least for the more reserved). The people who know me know me well enough to gauge who I am accurately enough but to extreme limits. There’s no question or chance of more than 2/3 of that inner life being revealed to others.

[@batfunk8082]

I can't believe how similar our thought processes are. I identified with everything you expressed in this post. Thank you for this upload. I think that most people have an image of me but not the full picture. I reveal only pieces of myself. I think trust is a big issue for me. I also think that not everyone is deserving of knowing the precious intricacies of my inner self. I don't mean this in a haughty way. I just mean that not everyone values those revealed pieces inner self that make a person so vulnerable.

[@martincichocki9908]

Up to 20k, great job at entertaining subjects! Keep up the good work & variety. "Live long & prosper, FJ." PS: 1 person does know the true me besides myself!

[@Passionate4Him87]

Every time I watch this..I feel like it reflects my very own heart..word for word.

[@carikabester6310]

"Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known" (1 Corinthians 13:12)

[@g3dr0cht]

Wow this is exactly what I have been thinking about the past few months. Im so happy to have found out about this INFJ personality stuff. Im happy I have found your chanel to know I am not the only one and that we understand each other

[@georginaleeson9036]

20,006 subscribers! Huge congratulations! 🙂❤

[@nicolebarentine5529]

Your topic in this video reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: “Imagination makes the act of self examination bearable”. But as you said, all is still all viewed from our own “lens” which very well could be accurate or inaccurate. Our perception is our reality. Thank you for your videos! This is the first time I have ever commented. I am an INFP (basically 65% introverted/ 35% extroverted), but my husband is an INFJ. My degrees are in Sociology as well as psychology. With minors in Philosophy and CJ. Yes, I absolutely LOVED college! 🙄 🤷🏼‍♀️ Anyway, you have reminded me of the MBTI and now I’m addicted and delving deeper into it. My partner and I have always just “got each other” from the start and have an absolutely BEAUTIFUL relationship. Your videos have helped me so much in understanding my husband’s personality more and how I can be a better partner for him. Now we watch your videos together and end up spending hours discussing aspects of human nature among other things…and always happily dive down the “rabbit holes”. 😂 More importantly you have helped my partner stand outside himself and understand why he does what he does and learn to improve on his positive qualities and try to avoid the INFJ pitfalls. He was stunned, at first, on how spot on you are. He doesn’t feel so “weird and alien” now he says. So both of us thank you from bottom of our hearts for your insight and willingness to just put yourself out there in this medium as much as you do. We also love your comedic personality skits! 🥰

[@shannonhall2926]

I think there are aspects of ourselves even WE don't know. It's through discovering these that we continually grow and change.

[@eljaykayaye1186]

Yes, but these are life changes to, we Don't know ourselves as a sibling till.., as a lover till , as a parent till, as a leader till, as a you tuber(,😀, as a little sweet potato,) till etc. Sorry tripping on ytuber vs tuber vegetable. It's a gardener thing.

[@shannonhall2926]

Cynthia Taylor I've been there too! For whatever reason, it seems to take something like that to get is to take out our shovels and dig. Glad you came out on the other side with your spirituality intact. Hey--that dig reference is the second gardening reference in this reply thread! Weird....

[@mariellacastone8333]

First I'd like to say thank you so much for your channel! I've always felt like no one understood my way of thinking not even myself. I totally agree with this. I always thought it was my Gemini mind that only revealed certain parts of myself to certain people but now I see it's an infj trait I have. I do it all the time and part of me desires allowing all of me to come out to everyone but I am guarded about revealing my whole self to everyone. It could be a trust issue or maybe it's me feeling like I'll be judged or rejected for some parts of myself around certain people or feeling certain people can't handle or understand certain sides of me. Thanks for sharing this video 😊

[@starry_config]

I think it’s as possible to know me 100% as it is to know anything 100%. People walk around with subjective screens through which they view the world. My words and actions get chewed up and interpreted through the experiences of others and I’m sure they pick and choose which parts of me they want to see. I have no control over how others perceive me, which sucks when I want to be known, but is also kind of liberating.

[@jasminemariedarling]

starry_config Love this comment! I feel the same.

[@deniserocco2963]

starry_config well said... What people see of us is often judged from their own heart and beliefs whether we show 100% or not. Although with some people even if they don't know everything about you, the love shines through regardless.

[@melbeth79]

starry_config This is true. All we can do is try our best to convey enough of ourselves. But I agree that it's not possible to ever know 100% about anyone. And yes they do run you or anyone else through thier own subjective filters. Despite trying to be as authentic as I can I still get misinterpreted at time.

[@NikkiDocherty74]

Absolutely agree!

[@malliganathan4175]

Thank you for being so candid. More people can relate to this than you might realize. I know I do.

[@agapes_gathering]

This is my favorite video I’ve seen of yours! New fan!

[@The-Portland-Daily-Blink]

Those "little bits" that we keep to ourselves often grow in number and depth the more we age. Yes, its true and this is what happens.

[@patriciathomas5190]

I must say..I love the way you fling books on the bed, it's hilarious! 🤣

[@melisigdebeli]

Giving the radio edit of your inner world to somebody! Wow it resonated with me so much! Thanks Frank for the all videos 🙏🌸🩵

[@mateuszkrupa1024]

I think that when it comes to things that we can't touch, there is no such thing as 100%... usually not even near it.

[@NikkiDocherty74]

Mateusz Krupa, Great point.