Unhealthy INFJ: 7 Signs You're an Unhealthy INFJ

[@norbert4571]

INFJs: *living in virtual reality since forever*

[@CandyThePuppy]

YES

[@thousandyardgavri2785]

Its because its where we find the one thing we need the most- connection.

[@himadrisaha97]

This is what I can think ...

[@SugarPopps]

Omg I found my tribe lol ;)

[@AmberPignanelli]

Have a good time, bein a monk lol No it makes sense to practise what ur bad at, so u get better at it, its the only way

[@lovingtheunlovable]

I constantly feel like I am not who I am when I’m interacting with people

[@winterbear3388]

Same

[@kkntimiiundipkelurahanpurw5458]

I feel the same

[@bridgetwilming1215]

Same!!!

[@leannecoombes6698]

Same. I'm who I am inside my head.

[@sanjaseganpopadic6131]

Maybe it's being considerate, putting others first while thinking I'll take care of myself later, they can't help me anyway. That is what I do, and I feel most honest when I allow the built up emotions to explode. Whether it's allowing or finally giving in I'm not sure, but I scare myself.

[@nicolevaniderstine7304]

Also my brain rn “if I quit my job, flee to the mountains and journal, plan, and meditate while fasting for a month everything will be fine”

[@ashnekouzuchiha2174]

Oh my god i feel the sameeeee

[@eastonridge5475]

That “place” is always within us; we maneuver through this physical world solely as means to better reach the eternal. But, no matter what, it is always here, where you are. Selah.

[@vaibhavverma2809]

Thats my plan :)

[@lbaker215]

Iv been in the Rocky Mountain National Forest for 3 years now. Off grid in an rv!

[@thenextpoetician6328]

I did 9 seasons on fire towers. Wrote and read constantly. Discovered I'm a whisperer. Then I couldn't stand the politics - even in the middle of the forest it was impossible to obviate. I learned a lifetime's worth of lessons, so it was a fair trade. I moved on.

[@wrbk_reb]

"You have to just let people be angry, be sad. You don't have to make it better." That hit hard and true.

[@skittles2055]

👍

[@groundedlifestyle88]

Yeah I'm gonna go ahead and just actively ignore this reality

[@heedmydemands]

​@@groundedlifestyle88don't blame u

[@goldilocks913]

It was so simple after all.

[@angelar9272]

100%

[@nywvblue]

The reason why I don't share all of the observations, ideas, and even solutions I dream up is because I tell myself that everyone else has surely thought the same thing. Self sabotage is pretty much a part-time job.

[@aanjafreedom7781]

Tell me about it 😣 I worked out yesterday, huge epiphany, I self sabotage. *hangs head in shame*

[@kyupified2440]

So fcking true,

[@ravenn2631]

I’m not an INFJ myself, but I’ve lurked around /r/INTP a lot on Reddit and similar advice is often given for introverts on general. ENTPs use Ne first then Ti, while INTPs use Ti first then Ne, so usually ENTPs say the first thing in their head while talking, while with INTPs, you usually should just allow them to pause and to slowly think through their ideas. But the advice given to INTPs is just to not overthink it and say the first thing in your head. That, or at least the second or third thing. If they didn’t like it, you guys definitely have more Fe than INTPs to see the emotional feedback and adjust as much as you can. Though I admit INTPs do have an advantage of Ne of being able to think of something unique to say in the first place. The truth is as I’ve opened up over time is that I realized how much I took knowledge I grew up with for granted. So many miscommunications have developed because I didn’t realize people well. . . people didn’t even know this stuff. The thing is, people come from all kinds of backgrounds, and even if most people with the ones you often hang around know something, people beyond your comfort zone in a social circle often don’t know it. There will always be something someone knows that you don’t, and there will always be something you know that they don’t. I find watching Filipino TV shows where I am incredibly cliche and repetitive, but the tropes and stories are so new to people from other countries like Americans. Huh. If anything, I find volunteering has really helped develop my Ne and Fe over time. I don’t have to think of something specific to say because there’s already an assigned task for me to do, and people are inherently grateful for you being here to help due to the nature of the task. Rather than them often assuming you’re something else due to false first impressions. I find with lower Fe, I don’t notice body language as much and just focus on what someone is saying, so I don’t really notice all the false impressions other people seem to get about people. I judge people by what they say, not due to how confident, insecure, charismatic, serious, silly, loud, quiet, or however they say it, and this seems to strangely enough benefit me in types of volunteering where I have to talk to people. I guess that’s why people say INTPs tend to be incredibly easygoing and “no drama” if you ask me. ENTPs included. The lesson is to just get out there. Don’t immediately judge a person with Fe that their body language or tone immediately means they dislike you, hate you, or look down on you. Get to judge people somewhat more objectively, after all, this is why, no offense, INFJs seem to attract a lot of abusive people. Charm doesn’t mean they’re trustworthy, and being reserved doesn’t mean they’re arrogant or they hate you. Even if false first impressions are made, there’s still room to change. I suggest checking out howtosuceedsocially online, and other similar social skills websites, because trust me, it’ll help. Try exposure therapy for social anxiety, as well as CBT for social anxiety. Look it up. Start small. Think of a list of social things you can do. Don’t erase any. If you don’t want to do some, then you can choose to do so in the decision stage. Look up automatic writing so you don’t immediately delete any ideas you make, or creative techniques. Then organize them based on how scary it is to least scary. Start with the easiest, take breaks in between and continue from there. Personally I started opening up from speaking anonymously on forums before doing it in real life, but for some people, it’ll be the other way around. Online forums mean more people are watching after all. It’s personal to you. See you. Take what advice works for you and what doesn’t. Take care.

[@mattegreen181]

When I was younger I used to think like you. I felt inferior in many, not to say most situations. BUT when I finally started to share my observations and analyses of them, I very often found that few people could grasp what I was talking about. I havent given up still after 60 years. I know people consider me a goof but I cannot let that stop me. This talent/gift/curse is to powerful to goto waste. I think you should give it a try and IF some people already have thought the same as you..you can discuss it together and develope it from there. All ideas dont have to be unique Good luck

[@neferkaitchorkick]

I feel you bro. I don't discuss my problems because i know that there's someone who's suffering from a problem worse than mine.

[@RailorGamesYT]

Imagine being an INFJ with depression, anxiety and addiction. Edit : Thanks for the likes , makes me feel understood.. We can win this battle!

[@saranoreevans9460]

Naixzy oF :( I’m sorry. I feel you man. The addiction isn’t even what we TRULY want or like but we’ve realized we are more tolerant to the bullshit people throw at us and then somehow people see us as “ normal” when we’re medicated. Crazy shit. I know when I’m “ sober” for a long enough time for my chemistry to rebalance and everything and people think I’m high, crazy, mean, bitchy and all kind of shit. What we need is some people in our lives that are willing to understand and help us grow spiritually without making us feel like the weakest and worse person in the world. I always USE to be strong as shit mentally. I had drive and I was still kind, to kind but I kept myself distracted by ALWAYS being gone doing things, whatever I could find to do., and then somewhere along the way I got trapped where I can’t do anything but face my shit and everyone’s shit. Now I’m on the verge of giving up, which isn’t me, I never gave up., why now? I know I won’t give up though, so you don’t give up, k!!? Maybe we can buy a island lol full of our EFFED up types. It’s possible :) I won’t be walking naked with a smile though. No true hippie shit going on in this island. 🤓😆❤️❤️❤️

[@ryanlucascarrasco]

Its sucks

[@Ephesians5-14]

Or in a narcissistic relationship 🤔

[@elijahdelano329]

I'm right here.. i dont have to imagine

[@ananyaalwayssmiling]

Overcame that.You can too.💗

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

“Responsible for others emotions ALL the time.” -BINGO!!!! We are a delicacy for Narcissistic people.

[@ozgurdeniz_657]

Omg yes this is true and they use us.

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

@@ozgurdeniz_657 They use everyone, they just enjoy using us more than the average.

[@ozgurdeniz_657]

Actually i felt that he was narcicist but i feel like i should help him

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

@@ozgurdeniz_657 Then don't complain in 6 months after he drains the life from you and leaves you for dead. They do not call them energetic vampires for nothing. Enjoy learning the hard way.

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

@@ozgurdeniz_657 BTW if you feel he is...then he is...that first instinct that gut feeling is ALWAYS right.

[@Potato-mu7nu]

As an INFJ I truly don't understand why people are so fake and shallow. We could be having deep conversations about things that matter or are really interesting, but most people tend to only care about surface level concepts. I want to dive deep, really discuss what makes nature behave the way it does, really enjoy the richness of the universe...and then I realize I'm having all these thoughts and the person I'm with is talking about what shoes they want to buy next.

[@ry.0]

Are you sure you are an infj? Every persona have their circumstances to not want to talk at any time

[@Potato-mu7nu]

@@ry.0 every test said I was an infj , but even man made tests can be wrong. I'm open to the possibility of being a hybrid.

[@chelsead6054]

I am very new to learning about all this, but have been classified as an INFJ-T and your comment completely resonated with me. Just adding to the conversation.

[@tware6062]

Your comment is another reason why some INFJs and INTJs can have really great interactions.

[@marielux7372]

This is so true. I have a hard time truly connecting with ppl bc all they want to discuss is a tv show or sports or makeup. Philosophical concepts have never even occurred to them

[@gailkoch4316]

I think the reason INFJs don't let people in easily is because they feel disappointment so profoundly. So they tend to read people easier up front to avoid profound disappointment later.

[@natashakozlowski8062]

yeah I agree. When you read people easily, you see their flaws so clearly and you will not risk being a victim of those flaws because you chose to open up. Also, opening up allows you to be somewhat vulnerable, as you don’t want people to read you so easily like you read them because it just makes you uncomfortable.

[@tetemay8840]

@@natashakozlowski8062 on point

[@hihosh1]

I have to agree to this, often I find that I just can't seem to get over disappointments, and eventually I just try avoid what will disappoint me

[@dunker-roo9552]

Agreed

[@BlackCoffeeee]

There's also a more practical reason, INFJs tend to future project whole relationships before they even begin. Mostly, when it looks like a future drama, mess or waste of time then it's cut before it has a chance to start.

[@fillerhandle]

I’ve never felt so attacked yet so understood in my life

[@Lolo-vd8ns]

Hahaha! Gentle roasting from someone who understands lol

[@missj7262]

@@Lolo-vd8ns do it to myself all the time...this guy is much more gentle I like him👍🧁🌺🐛

[@escarlit]

he’s a gem

[@GerichoFernandez]

Truth

[@FORGOTTENMINDFREAK23]

Fucking RIGHT???

[@bbhdd6181]

me: yeah I'm a pretty healthy INFJ me after watching this video: oh..oh no

[@CarissaJenkins]

literally!!!!!! omg

[@lisaa6099]

bb hdd same

[@nestar2009]

Omg so INFJ to said 😂

[@TessaRocks1000]

LMFAO LITERALLY

[@yoitwasntme]

Same

[@tomjerry4117]

The worst part of being an INFJ is we get irritated by the way people deal with things, because we can see the core of every situations and according to our POV they're overreacting almost all time,we can even see the POV of a person who hurt us and you hate them for what they done but the next moment you're giving them benefit of doubt and empathising with them

[@naomimiranda2772]

This.

[@gideonmele1556]

Unless it hits “the wall” and get to that ever elusive ‘eff that guy’ territory

[@NeuroSwathi]

actually!

[@deekshasharma1220]

Hell true and I hate that thing about me

[@jariyaaj3223]

Would you believe if I say I even empathize with Hitler after knowing about his childhood. I feel it's more of his parents fault to give him a very pathetic and traumatic childhood that made him what he is. And funfact I even empathize with myself for empathizing a man as cruel as him😂. Like just why my brain is a mess.

[@terraaw7680]

The real world hurts tho. My fantasy world feels so much safer and I wish it was real

[@kristahertert4461]

That fantasy world is the ideal and perfect version of what COULD be.

[@missj7262]

We can bring things to fruition a little at a time. Breaking down our goals in writing...talking is good but we have to be comfortable with both

[@paulakelley2829]

I have pretended to be someone / something else all my life. My fantasy world is much more peaceful. I can breathe ! In my space

[@featherlee8172]

I like being on my fantasy world but, I automatically feels sad when I realized that, my fantasy world would never come into reality. It always hurts me so bad when I came into my conscious self after I imagined things that is imposible to happen in this real world

[@_DeadlyNightshade_]

Word

[@miajade587]

I'm a 19 year old female INFJ. I've felt alienated, insecure, misunderstood, been labelled as an 'old-soul' my whole life. Something has always seemed off with me. I've seen countless psychologists, been labelled with having ADD. Never. In my entire life have I EVER come across something so incredibly accurate. You have just described my life and what's been 'wrong with me' for 19 years. I've always wished 'god if only I knew what was wrong with me and how to fix it' and your video here answered my question. All those hours I've spent in therapy rooms and money I've wasted when your 30 minute, FREE video gave me this lifetime build up sense of relief, understanding, comfort. I seriously thought I was the only one in the world like this. From the bottom of my heart thank you, thank you, thank you. Damn, can I make a donation to you or something? Youve changed my life

[@ekeoma4390]

I'm INFJ , Female and I turn 19 next month. I feel for you and I love you❤

[@Gabriela-tb5uv]

I am an INFJ, female and 19 years too. I feel you, I always felt like a old soul, I thought something was wrong with me. And now that I read you I feel i am not alone. And I am thankful with this guy for making me seen what I have to fix of myself

[@megmar-qf2fh]

Yes! It is so difficult being an infj sometimes.

[@Aya-cl3ux]

INFJ, female, 19 and old soul here as well. I've also felt like I don't belong and that there's something wrong with me for a quite long time (I hated being inside my head all time even though I am connected to the outer world, don't really know how to put this into words but yea), but learning about my personality type has helped me accept and love who I am and try to become a healthier me. yall amazing and I love you 🌈✨🌸🌿

[@miajade587]

@@Aya-cl3ux you don't even need to explain, I just know exactly what you mean ❤️ it's sooo hard being the way we are but at the same time we are bloody amazing and one of a kind. You just gotta find the people that love us for us and and keep them close

[@basic55]

I’m not disconnected with reality. I SEE reality and I don’t want a part of it. My own mind is Waaaayyyy better!!!

[@gel2234]

thats exactly the problem, Although I do feel that way sometimes.

[@adelinec.789]

That's fun, because most of the time it seems to me that I see the WHOLE world as it is, that I perfectly know it and that I know where we're going. And other times I feel like I'm spending my whole time in my mind and not truly observing the world... It confuses me, and so I'm actually trying to observe it and finally going back to my mind... that's exhausting, really xD Am I the only one like that ? -_-'

[@josephputra2987]

yea so make a better world

[@jeanicewatts315]

@@josephputra2987 Yes, "be the change you want to see in the world."

[@kimkk2981]

U r an unhealthy Just like me -INFJ But even though I feel self-aware I don't want to get in reality, it's so dark

[@agnesszentgyorgyi3828]

“You don’t do anything, because you’re afraid of getting it wrong” It hurts because it’s true

[@enlightndark6671]

Once I accepted that mistakes are purely human & perfection is a cruel false ideal, I started to laugh when my life went "wrong" & it really helped me liberate myself from my horrid critical thoughts. We cannot think our way through our darkness, we must feel our way through. And socially, in the end, no one really cares if we fail because they are all thinking about their insecurities & personal struggles too. In fact, failing can bring us closer to others because it removes that lofty cold isolation we may use as a social shield. Just letting go of social approval is so very lovely because it brings us into a deeper connection with reality, opening us up to our own courage to try new ways of living. We can observe & classify a tree or actually listen to the sound of the wind in it's leave. Sometimes letting go of our mind maze is the best thing that can ever happen.

[@tonis5140]

And there's a part of me that is like "wtf ever." I care too much that most of the time. You telling me I don't care, stops upsetting me at a point... and😢 I want to alone anyway, because y'all don't care about me and my love for you, so, bye, Felicia 😮

[@mdslamz]

Made me cry actually

[@jessicaazcue4581]

Making sure we pronounce things correctly One of the most infj things

[@auraalhazen7580]

Jessica Azcue omg i can relate so much...

[@schrodingerscat1763]

I constantly scrutinize my comments. I'll write a 6 paragraph response, go back and pick it down to nothing, out of fear of sharing to much. I simultaneously feel relief from writing it all out of my head,and frustration from the compulsory need to self censorship. I never want to upset anyone else. I've been in an unhealthy place for too long.

[@an-dy9043]

@@schrodingerscat1763 word!

[@emdhie777]

Or type words correctly.. or type in a way that we're 100% sure it's understandable... so we always end up typing the correct exact spelling.. 😂😂

[@maddelke7]

Omg I have a list in my phone notes of words I mispronounce😅

[@99craziichick]

He protecc He attacc But most importantly He got our infj bacck ... That was lame but love you frank ❤️

[@Lotusblume.8]

Jojo Amber lol

[@TaunellE]

It's cute! And true. ♡

[@99craziichick]

@@TaunellE you're too sweet ❤️

[@CheralynnW]

Word

[@LifeHacks-pu3ol]

That was in the comment section where the dog got eaten by the alligator.

[@amymoondarling4019]

29 minutes of just straight roasting me. Ok thanks.

[@amymoondarling4019]

Ps. this actually was super helpful. thanks i'm (literally) cured after watching FJ's video, examining myself, and changing accordingly.

[@peaceglory5973]

Same .. it's like are you watching me FJ? Where's your camera?

[@bizzybeans]

🤣

[@pjmac3520]

It hurts I know lol

[@NotExplicable]

Noice

[@xingxing8283]

When you are a struggling INFJ teen, FJ feels like a much needed older brother who gets you like no one else and guides you. Thank you so much for making me believe in myself. *heartfelt gratitude*

[@cinnamonroro]

"Lacking identity" **me, watching MBTI videos trying frantically to figure myself out** 😮

[@heidi5485]

Omg meeee

[@ruisilva6792]

Got any luck?

[@jenniferfrazier8131]

😅😅😅

[@ramyeonmokja]

That is sooo truee!!!

[@zeba.subliminals]

Same 😀💀💅

[@aboveus5438]

"Being a perfectionist, you don't do anything because you are scared to get it wrong" Yep

[@katcyer26]

Yes

[@leander8840]

sadly so true

[@oxforddictonary]

1: Detached From Reality 1:28 2: Primitive Sensing 4:13 3: Lacking Identity 6:42 4: Responsible for Others' Emotions 10:12 5: Extreme Perfectionism 15:37 6: Keep Others at Arm's Length 19:31 7: INFJ As An Excuse 22:47

[@andreealamzhanjia7814]

Primitive sensing is the second point. I missed out that while noting it down too 😂

[@oxforddictonary]

@@andreealamzhanjia7814 Amazing! Thanks, girl !

[@razondattebayo]

Thanks

[@oxforddictonary]

@@razondattebayo You're welcome! :)

[@moodyfun3522]

Ah , it feel great thanks , I hoped someone would do this but I thought no one would do.

[@hannametzger4080]

I'm an 84 year old INFJ and these talks are helpful -- you have to keep working at it. Nice to know other people are struggling this this too.

[@dark_energy68]

Wow. 84. Please give me your most important wisdom(s) you've learnt!

[@Aquamarine1111]

❤❤❤

[@Ofthegirl09]

@@dark_energy68 Learn proper grammar would be my advice. : )

[@konstance781]

​@@Ofthegirl09 All your problems will be desapear....😂😂😂😂, Nice advice!!❤❤

[@excrono]

@@dark_energy68The greatest wisdom is encouraging others to figure things out on their own.

[@CristiRenaeVaughan]

I notice that a lot of times in my mind I’m rehearsing or planning out conversations that I may have in the future with people. It happens so automatically. Feels like I’m wasting a lot of time planning and not being in reality. Gonna try to balance this by accepting that I can’t control real life conversations, opening up to more presence and spontaneity. Maybe strengthening my identity/confidence will help that too. Does anyone else here do this? Sounds like could be an INFJ thing..

[@MB-sp7ny]

I also do this often. I do it especially after a conversation didn't go very well with someone, i rehearse for similar conversations or plan for how my next conversation with them should go. For me, I end up pairing that perfectionist behavior with the keeping people at arms length and don't talk as much as I would like. I wish I could just give my self a chill pill and say relax its just talking its not a that big of a deal.

[@luc6284]

Same, I wouldn't even want to know how many hours of meaningless conversations I've had with my ex girlfriend in the past six weeks (all in my head of course)

[@annasofiajrgensen7919]

Always

[@suryaraj242]

I do have the same experience. But most of the time it is about perfecting an old conversation. I do a lot of walking to and fro along with it. Can anyone relate?

[@luc6284]

@@suryaraj242 yes I do exactly that. The walking drives my mother crazy... but I can't help it, that's what happens when I'm immersed in my thoughts. I also find myself walking faster and faster the more invested I am in whatever I'm thinking of. When I feel very stupid about something I said or didn't say in a past conversation I'll sometimes find myself racing around the lounge table like some child who's had too much energy drinks😂

[@JD-yz2iz]

Crippling anxiety over perfectionism is so hard to overcome.

[@leander8840]

yes

[@aeilorux7056]

"Your ego is what protects you." INFJ have sensitive egos because they feel a need to compensate for their flaws. When we recognize a flaw, we instantly feel the need to change ourselves. Because accepting ourselves as imperfect doesn't compute. We feel so badly about our transgressions it makes it much harder to acknowledge our flaws. We resist recognizing our flaws because for us, admitting a fault always necessitates action. We must make real changes to be able to resolve our perfectionism.

[@nailakamana763]

THIS 👏👏👏👏 THIS

[@PhStateOfMind]

What if the flaw cannot be changed? Would you still resist recognizing yourself?

[@Shyguy5104]

​@@PhStateOfMind with me having a flaw that i can't change myself. i would say yes I do have a hard time recognizing that

[@PhStateOfMind]

Shyguy5104 so what do you do? Go on w/ your life not accepting it? Or are you gonna take the pill that is hard to swallow and see changes?

[@aeilorux7056]

@@PhStateOfMind Yes. Accept that "perfect" is not a valid construct. Instead, direct your attention to the present status. Accept situations as they are, what is currently in place. Just because you CAN improve something, doesn't mean that you MUST. Choose carefully where you invest your energy. You will improve and find success in whatever you choose. You are fortunate to have this ability, so don't waste it.

[@georgec2898]

I cried for the most of this video. I had to stop the video several times in order to collect myself enough to keep going. I've been to Iraq as a Marine 0331, I was a volunteer Firefighter/EMT, worked in Yonkers as a EMT, worked in a bunch of kitchens, have 2 kids with two different people and personally have gone through a lot of crap. This video.. This is the one that has broken me down and made me cry.

[@iggsterwhalet8837]

It's okay:)

[@YehudiNimol]

I hope you're doing well, my guy :) life gets tough, especially when you're compassionate, but you can always keep going. Stay strong

[@ms.tonianderson3032]

Beautiful to know we're not alone❤

[@theycallmedude884]

You doing great man, better days coming

[@angelalabauve9131]

You’ve been through a lot of trauma and it’s hard because you care so much. First, let me thank you for your service and for the compassion you have for others who are in desperate need of rescue. I’m sending you a hug. Take care.

[@HotSeat17]

Some of my favorite sayings as an older INFJ: "If you don't like the life you created, change it." "If you are not part of my solution, you're part of my problem." "I am not responsible for how you feel." I'm nice until it's time not to be nice." "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness." "Help me understand what you plan on doing about it." "So what's your point?" ( I hate chatter and small tedious talk.)

[@tectonicD]

nalvar82 good stuff!

[@AuntPadawan]

Hell yes. Other people's feelings are not our responsibility.

[@epiphanychild3289]

Too good👍🏻

[@nightwoolf4545]

;-; i dont agree with that, but okay. maybe im just to youngh XD

[@lauren8671]

"don't mistake my kindness for weakness" A LITTLE LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK

[@shannenp.9664]

Perfectionism “You have all of these great ideas but know they cannot be brought to reality” fluff dude I felt that at my core.

[@excrono]

Knowing that great ideas don’t have to change the world, but help just one person is the great equalizer for perfectionism.

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

I learned to have boundaries and then when I did, the people around me got angry. Even new people I'd bring into my life. Apparently there's something about me that has people thinking I'm going to sacrifice myself for them. I used to be that person, but i don't own anyone's feelings anymore.

[@danigeo5673]

It is just the phase, it will settle down in some time.

[@marinagutierrezcastro8283]

My bf does the same but in sort of way he sacrifice himself just when there's a good reason to do it. But idk why he always says that he won't sacrifice himself anymore

[@yuciehayashi266]

That's nice... Instead... I have come to accept that my life exists to sacrifice for others... Oh well, what's worse than dying?

[@artsyelectriathletic]

Woah 😦

[@jessicagoldberg7051]

It's so hard to set boundaries when you are used to sacrificing everything for others. 🥵

[@deannadolan5119]

Unhealthy INFJs are more likely to have a fearful avoidant attachment style. That combination reinforces living in our head and being disconnected from the self. It causes a big pendulum swing between getting close to someone then abruptly pulling away. I woke up to all of this last year and have been working on myself since. The world opens up when we're willing to compassionately take accountability for how we get in our own way. On a side note - I completely relate to struggling to actually record the videos. Currently working on overcoming that.💕

[@Brujitadesuenos]

This is so accurate

[@laurentverpeaux2281]

i m in the same boat with my music videos....stupid perfectionism

[@deannadolan5119]

@@laurentverpeaux2281 you CAN get beyond it. Hang in there and don't quit.

[@IndependentPrettyGirlis]

Spot on

[@SweetandSassyRedhead]

yesss so true

[@Jhen0x0]

I like how you chose to go over the 7 signs of an unhealthy INFJ while in a setting that encourages extroverted sensing and introverted thinking in a healthy way. Providing both the problems with conscious and subconscious solutions.

[@TaunellE]

You know we're all paradoxical..

[@watercolorblue]

I completely agree. Thank you FJ!

[@heatherleethomas4886]

Well said.. dang

[@SassyShar]

It definitely helped me be more receptive.

[@peterthegrape]

Excellent observation, you saved me a long trip of reflection. :)

[@withlovesophiex]

Please do a video on INFJs and anxiety - is a horrible combo for me!

[@kristi94]

I second that!!!!

[@greatsm2videl]

Same here.

[@pankakiss9499]

Bruhh saaame, I enlarge every small thing and overthink everything!

[@yug364]

Same:(

[@nadiariskyputri]

Can relate sis. Life cant be more fun as infj and having anxiety 😊😊

[@timbroski4487]

When you're an INFJ, have depression and switch to escapism at the slightest inconvenience :)

[@samsworld1770]

Lol

[@karinagbarros6301]

OMG TELL ME ABOUT IT 😭

[@iggsterwhalet8837]

WAIT I THOUGHT I HAD SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME MENTALLY, IS IPTHIS JUST BECAUSE IM INFJ!? I'm so glad I found this comment

[@gemmadoyle3926]

Description of my life. :x

[@LForbesDeWild]

Bingo. Me too.

[@BlackCoffeeee]

INFJs really need to come up with a real world, practical strategy to avoid getting into narcissistic relationships. We're smart but a genuine narcissist can be our undoing.

[@Rishonable]

Wish someone had told me this when I was 19 years old 😪 😔.

[@bumblebee803]

@@Rishonable Same. I lived in hell for most of my life, till I started healing.

[@bumblebee803]

@Black Coffee - I love that. Some Doctor needs to write a book about it, I'd be the first to buy it, and recommend it to ALL the young people to read before they waste their life away like I did.

[@Bubblies005]

Grew up with 2 narcissistic parents and not feeling responsible for others circumstances and feelings is SO DIFFICULT.

[@dawngw26]

it's only in the last 10 years or so that I've realized that my father is a complete narcissist. I formed friendships over and over again with narcissists probably because it was 'normal' to me. And of course, I ended up being taken advantage of and ended up with low self esteem. Now, I know to avoid these people and my life is much much better!

[@ishita5137]

"Stop using your personality type as an excuse!" Someone had to say it. Thank you FJ!

[@ebonyplummer4621]

It is easy to say that, but it is harder to change.

[@whenstupidmetidiot]

try to re-program yourself see how that works out. stop being a bitch, we do try to change but like I said it is like re-programming yourself and it's not like people make it easy to trust them. try to understand what your comment would do to others who are struggling so much to change. I have lost so many friends because of it, people I love till today because I couldn't trust them. we fucking try, if I had known I was an INFJ earlier maybe I would have understood why I did what I did and didn't do and started the change early.

[@whenstupidmetidiot]

sorry about what I said. I think it was very rude of me but I just know how hard making the change is and even after that we still retreat back to how we were when people start being untrustworthy and then we have to start the process all over again. If it was as easy as flicking a switch, do you honestly think we would choose to lose people we have known and cared about. Right now I don't even trust my family and don't know how to click the restart button so I just need you to understand just how hard it is.

[@shimzburns8529]

I wish people could understand why exactly are INFJs drawn to personality types than anyone else. I could go on about learning about myself forever. I dont think you understand what its like to self-loathe the way you are sometimes only to find out later that 'its not just me. Its okay.' Its a big release for me. Im not excusing my mistakes from my personality but I'm giving myself chances to change everyday telling to myself 'Cmon you are only this way because of how your mind is wired. You can do better cmon'. It keeps me from hating myself for the way i am cuz lets be honest 'deep people' are exhausting for this world. Its all us deep people can do. Just 'accept' ourselves.. even when society doesnt. So when a personality type breaks down things and makes it easy to understand why and who i am.. I will whether others like it or not.. blame my type and move on. Im not gonna waste time dwelling on my mistakes but would be cautious of it next time when such triggering situations arise. Im sorry but its my way to 'live in the present'.

[@mws12345]

Learn how to Get Err Done! with special guest " Larry the Cable Guy " ESTJ lol

[@ganquan4419]

The “feeling responsible for others’ emotions” part hits so close to home. Thank you, FJ, your advice is really helpful.

[@Ashley-oc4uy]

Same

[@tomseviltwinky]

It’s crippling sometimes

[@user-of4kk4in9f]

Let other people be angry or sad? Whaaaaaaa? I can just let them be there and dont try to fix it? I suppose when i think about it my desire to fix is somwhow selfish because i dont want to feel their bad emotions. Sometimes if you cant help yourself just walk away.

[@angela73177]

Just now at 42 years old I am finally finding how bad this is and how it has made me an enabler to others and I didn't even realize it. I'm finally creating boundaries with my close family and friends to stop the enabling behavior. It is very difficult as I can still feel their emotions and it's hard to say no sometimes when you are feeling someone elses pain/anxiety/anger etc. in your own heart. But I am learning!

[@LyricalWhip2012]

Detached from reality: I'm so guilty of overindulging in music, writing, and daydreaming. It's so easy for me to flip the switch and get into "a zone" when I work out when I'm staring into nothing, focused on everything. I'm sure I look like an idiot to others. I can't tell you how many times I leave social work events excited to get home and listen to a new artist I discovered. It wasn't until about 10 years ago that I started taking my daydreams seriously and actually doing something to make it real. I had some random epiphany: "The worst you can do is fail. Just keep trying until you don't. Simple. You can do anything if you're willing to try enough times.". For some reason, that overused phrase crystallized. I tend not to share my dreams because I've found people don't care, don't understand, tell me it's impossible, or think it's stupid. I'm finding the best way to share my dreams with others is by making it real so they can see it. I'm addicted to pocket notepads to jot down things I need to actually DO to achieve what I see in my mind; plus a million other random things that come to mind from reading more about the concept of "Imaginary 1" to the mating patterns of unicorns. I make myself do social things amongst "the others" even thought it's a draaaaaaag. Sometimes I meet someone cool that inspires me to be a better person...I can count them on one hand though lol. That's all I need anyways.

[@adanflores5074]

Jane Doe what do you listen to?

[@tysonion01]

Thank you for sharing. Misery loves company. I'm 48 years old and just now getting the big reveal about all of this. It's shocking to watch these videos and read these comments and see myself reflected so thoroughly in it. Surreal even. It's been tough to even try and get a handle on it all. What you said about not sharing your dreams with other people because they can't, don't or won't care for whatever reason. That in particular really resonated with me. I've been told to shut up about my fantasies my entire life. People don't want to hear it. So I gave up trying long ago. My question for you is, how do I bridge that gap? How do I use this wonderful gift? Being perpetually lost in thought doesn't feel useful to me at all.

[@shania9333]

I daydream all the time. When I eat, watch TV, listen to music. All the time

[@ravenn2631]

There is actually a psychiatric condition on addiction to daydreaming. Do any of you think you have it? I’m worried. (www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/maladaptive-daydreaming)

[@hariboi8840]

@@ravenn2631 You need to remove the bracket at the end of the link, otherwise it doesn't work. Except of that, thanks for sharing! I guess I really should keep an eye on my thoughts...

[@cindychurch335]

Frank, I’ve identified more with this video than any other. I appreciate it. I’m a 66 year old INFJ who never knew about this type until a few weeks ago. It’s been an eye opener especially for my childhood. I always felt odd, never fitting in. I would retreat in my world of books rather than socialise. I’ve been married twice, unsuccessfully. Both times I was the one who left after feeling unfulfilled. My second marriage lasted 30 years. I was happy (?) raising my children but when they left home and it just us, I found my happiness was not about him. Now living alone, which I love, I have to check myself often as I feel I could retreat in my inner self and never come back. So I’m still working full time, partly because of finances and partly because I feel I need some social life to remain sane. I don’t especially identify with my co-workers banter and superficial remarks, but they like me because I’m friendly and kind to them. I met a fairly new co-worker who may be an INFJ but I don’t know her well enough yet. She made a remark of not attending our Christmas party because large crowds making her feel awkward. I also did not attend but my excuse was I didn’t feel well. I wish I could have just said the same but worried about backlash. I would like to know more about relationship problems with our type. I had a successful and fulfilling relationship with someone I met in England ten years ago. The circumstances were synchronistic and odd but we hit it off instantly. a long distance relationship is difficult under any scenario. We managed visits twice a year and constant calls in between. Sadly he passed away due to illness. I haven’t really gotten over this and still grieve. I believe he was an INFJ as well because we were so much alike. We loved each other so much but we met late in life and it wasn’t meant to be. I struggle to understand myself. Feel shame about my earlier relationships not working out because I left them. Why did I find happiness late in life only to have it snatched away? These questions haunt me. But I do maintain good relationships with my children and grandchildren, sister and other family members. They are not INFJs but seem to understand and love me. Sorry so long. Thank you for listening to me. 💕

[@MrsMrsBecky]

Do you also relate to videos made by Mom on the Spectrum?

[@MrWeeRhys]

Beautiful comment Cindy thankyou :) I can't imagine finding out at 66, hopefully you feel less guilty and or weird. You seem such a cool person.

[@faheemabid9646]

This was so therapeutic I wish you happy life

[@daryapeppo2359]

Sorry to hear that Cindy. Smth similar happened to me. I did not marry someone I really liked, but he didn't treat me right because he didn't understand my INFJ personality. He never married anyone though many years have passed after we met. Few years later he died of his illness, he had epilepsy.

[@Lieksels63]

"The perfection of your mind can not be translated into the baseness of physical, concrete reality." DAMN. Got me there.

[@emilycastillo9044]

“ I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

[@stevethea5250]

15:15 motivational

[@lisab9542]

“7 signs you’re an unhealthy infj“ LOL I already know that but cool hearing my problems :D

[@eternalkino34]

Underrated comment

[@deborahgonzalez4475]

LOL 😁 😁... yeah 💯🤷

[@katiejane333]

Right? Was totally aware. :P

[@Scoliosiswitthemostest]

Not one person has commented on how handsome this man is

[@barbaravieira2239]

However we are all thinking that. 🤭

[@AnnieTyzak]

We have weak Se 😂

[@AllTheButtons87]

I feel like personal development for INFJ's is ideal to have a higher quality life.

[@lydiatheglimmermaid]

I just love how all these comments are the kind of comments I would have written. So nice to finally find other INFJs!

[@aubreyrouse9559]

Same👌🏻 us 1% gotta stick together😭 Ive only known one other INFJ in my life and she was the professor that had me take the test and helped me so much

[@wiktor5016]

I have the problem that when I talk with friends on for example a train or bus I'm not just aware of that I adapt to my friends, but also the people in the surrounding (not just common social norms). There is for example a difference if there are elderly people or younger people close to me and my friend(s). I really try not to, but I just can't stop. It feels like I have to "perform" whenever I'm in a public space. Also, I almost never post comments like this. Usually I just write and either delete it or save it for myself.

[@eamaxdxw]

Wiktor please start commenting promise me

[@geeyeahyeah]

I get what you mean about "perform". I've been calling it "trying". I don't want to go to social settings with people I'm cool with because I don't feel like "trying" somwtimes and the I get sad that those friends aren't close to me. But it was me who wasn't making the effort!

[@Ankara_ratgirl]

Saaaammmme

[@kristahertert4461]

WORD!!

[@coolkatkate1]

Wiktor Okay legit though with the whole “performing” thing. I do it without realizing. I literally went to a therapist or two who told me they cant read me. I “perform” without even wanting to or trying

[@ashbannana6286]

Yes I have felt responsible for my families emotions as a child. This did take a couple decades to get over. Wish I realized I was unfairly punishing myself sooner. (Although my parents raised us on guilt so I just did what I was taught). A message to other infj is find the courage to discard parents beliefs that you don't agree with.

[@martagzella5228]

Yeah I was trapped in a guilt for 15 y, coz I decided to marry someone my family cpuld not accept/tolerate. We have been happily married for 12 years and only recently I started realising how much it hurt me,could not live my life as I felt all the time I was a disappointment for my parents. The situation did not change, but after realising it'/ not my fault and I do not have to tolerate it, I wish I had understood it earlier,I am sad that for so many years I tried to make up my parents for my choices..

[@busrasuheyla]

Me too. I feel like my childhood and teenage years were hell. My dad is a narzisst and my mom is a ESFJ who tries to please others all the time but cant let go of him, bcs he is so toxic and makes everyone believe they are mad, at fault, etc. I went to therapy for a year. I just stopped going there and it really really helped alot. I hope to move out in a year. I hope everyone who gets taken advantage of realizes what is happening and get out of it.

[@DLoen]

Sometimes I think I want to dissapeare so I don't hurt others.

[@phatcat3705]

I feel bad for my sister (INFJ) after looking into typology because it makes sense now why she's always miserable around people (why she's started self-isolating at adulthood) and, in particular, has the most problems dealing with our family (INTP so/sp 6w5/683 me, ISTP sp/so 9w1/963 dad, and ESTJ sp/so 8w7/386 mother, respectively) than the rest of us do with each other combined. Her childhood was smooth compared to mine (NP children with SJ parents are a particularly nightmarish combination) since she was nicer and fit in socially, but her teenage and college years were extremely horrible and filled with constant drama and gaslighting, especially with our mother (the very reason why she up and moved on a whim, with no job or money saved up at the time; she just couldn't take it). Even though our dad is generally easier to talk to, he has a very low tolerance for emotional things so brushes off my sister's feelings as "nonsense," while he's also our mother's enabler because he thinks divorce is "evil" so ignores problems and throws all others under the us for "peace at any price" (worse still, enneagram 9's tend to merge with those closest to them, so when our mother's in her "moods," he becomes every bit as intolerable as her as her enabler). It's horrible enough to deal with even with very low emotional needs myself, I can't imagine how much worse it's always been for my sister, who really needs to work on her own life but still feels like it's all her responsibility to "save" our dysfunctional family, even when we call her out on this thinking.

[@TwilightGoatHerder]

​@@phatcat3705as a 15 yo INFJ, I feel like your sister and parents problem is exactly the same as me. My father is really toxic and make me feel guilty for everything I'm doing "wrong" and my mother is unfortunately becoming like him over the years but she is still a good person. The best way to help your sister is to talk about it because INFJ unfortunately doesn't often receives mental help and compliments and, if you have enough courage, even talk to her about the MBTI which truly could make her feel a LOT better about herself (which happened to me).

[@thekaidino1345]

Oh god when he said "emotional dumping ground," I felt that. It's not exactly that my family dumped their problems onto me, but I constantly encouraged them to open up to me to the point where I felt like a sponge that soaked up all the negative. They always rant to me when they have problems, and I hardly see their happiness or hardly relate to it because of all the negative I've absorbed.

[@lilleilei169]

same but identifying solutions and giving advice comes so easily i almost cant help myself when they do rant to me, and i end up encouraging/reinforcing it

[@ChloeLaws0322]

omg yeah that’s what sucks about having high Fe is i literally take on everyone’s energy around me and when i’m stuck with negative people it’s overwhelming :/

[@janherickaorbase3869]

In my experience, they always expect me to be the bigger person, they always expect that Ill understand that I will be the one to compromise first and its draining for me like he said. When Im the kid, a developing human being basically being treated as a therapist in a young age (like what my mom did to me, always telling me things I shouldn't know) and my reflection to that led me into voicing out my opinions, not agreeing to everything, call out people on their bs, to prevent their need of emotional support from me and in my experience it helped, it was very hard voicing your opinion when this personality gives you the power to understand other peoples emotion on a deeper level while being responsible for what they feel. To be mature in this part of our personality we have to adhere what Frank said "we should care about our feelings first"

[@Dev.85]

I relate. Hardest thing is I have answers, just not the ones they want. When I do eventually give it to them shit goes South pretty quick. I've learned to set boundaries but no-one likes that either, so I remove myself entirely and the world comes crashing down. Lose/lose situations.

[@ooi97]

I was like the only good kid in a family of 7 and my parents would constantly complain about "how bad their children are". Using those exact words. Ignoring the fact that I was their child too.

[@caribbeangirl_jess]

Me: *imagining a scenario while FJ talks, then realizing I was supposed to focus my attention on the video* Him: ....and when you are disconnected from reality and just sitting there in your brain all the time... Me: *laugh uncontrollably by the irony of the situation* I am an ENFJ btw

[@MerianeDawn]

LMAO happened to me too several times throughout the video!!😂

[@joysunday5850]

I'm caught red handed! Still 😃😃😃😃.

[@_DeadlyNightshade_]

Me too! How do they say we're good listeners?? I constantly lose focus and retract into my brain

[@Kate98755]

Same, I’ve had to back this up several times,

[@kimmietalks9632]

Wow I did the same thing lots of times I watched the video 4times to actually get everything... I guess he also goes into virtual reality when making his videos 😂😂😂

[@ausrine4689]

Hey people! Here’s a recap I wrote: 1:28 Detached from reality. Our main way of processinng and interacting with the world is deep intuition and imagination. That’s way extroverted sensing (being in the real world) suffers; that’s how we fail to communicate our ideas to others. Be willing to open up! Also: Pulling off, disrespecting extroverted sensing for so long might get us overboard (overindulging in sensory pleasures). 6:44 Lacking identity. Looking to everyone else to make your decisions. Plus: Becoming obsessed with your own identity because it’s not obvious to you. Solution: focus more on introverted thinking (on subjectively using logic to make decisions). 10:13 Responsible for others’ emotions. Solution: make more decisions that make you feel good (even if someone else might get upset). 15:40 Extreme perfectionist. Not doing anything (just staying in your head) because you’re afraid of doing it wrong. 17:40 a funny part. Solution: just do it, get over the perfection and your imaginative dreams of how reality should look like. 19:34 Keeps others at arm’s length. Solution: you kind of have to drop extroverted feeling (“how should I act?”) and show people a sense of the real inner you. Work on your identity by yourself and then work up the ability to share it. 22:48 INFJ as excuse. Solution: use all of your functions equally so that you’re conscious and awake. Don’t exlude certain ways of looking into the world, don’t use your dominant functions only. “Stay cool and attractive”!

[@roy.shrestha]

Gabi Ley thank you. You are a blessing ❤️

[@rangedacademy3982]

Thank you!

[@shawnreid1731]

Thank you

[@yomnamabrouk3717]

Thanks a lot 💗

[@Progamerjay100]

Thank you.

[@a.tavern4145]

It took me 39 years, a pandemic, a nervous breakdown/panic attack(that I could not hide), and a death of a loved one before I let my husband of 19 years see the real me and let him in. This was the best thing I ever did. We have three children and were headed to divorce or just staying together for the kids before this happened. Now we are stronger and closer than ever. It is just heartbreaking that it took such tragedy to get me there. It is something I have to constantly work at.

[@devildollx]

"becoming obsessed with their own identity because to an unhealthy INFJ it isn't obvious to them what that is" ADJSFHFKSDNF THIS

[@leaffairy4283]

dude, my mind got obliterated when I heard that sentence. Most intense relatability. I’m simultaneously taking it seriously and chaotically & deprecatingly laughing to myself in realisation.

[@devildollx]

@@leaffairy4283 Same! Absolutely the same lol

[@Roguedaisey]

The birds, the breeze, the rustling leaves .. perfection! It all helped soften the blow of the tough love real talk. 😊

[@shannonlogue5585]

...and then the helicopter interrupted it all. Lol😂

[@mellern1]

​@@shannonlogue5585 You don't know it but FJ just added that as a sound effect so his viewers can appreciate the sounds of a green wood all the more. It was all a long con

[@opalskycanvas]

Green screen and sound effects maybe

[@Roguedaisey]

And a fan to gently blow his hair around?? 🤣 Now that would be funny!!

[@yonathanrakau1783]

Wait wutt lol

[@zetha.3419]

Being "Responsible of other's emotions" causes me so much anxiety especially when i can't handle the situation and end up blaming myself for failing to make the situation right.

[@MNMMOMMA2]

Ohhh how I feel this!

[@EminoMeneko]

And there are billions of people ready to take advantage of it.

[@johnd.2803]

@@EminoMeneko yes...

[@moabitersterni]

the overly perfection thing hit really hard. I actually figured this out before i was introduced to typology and I felt so stupid and weak for letting it stop me from pursuing stuff, especially artistic & creative ideas and interests. But I've been working on it and understanding why I feel like this has encouraged me even more!

[@claystahl7002]

Chrisistillloveyou

[@claystahl7002]

Chrisishouldhavemarriedyouistillrememberriverlanedriveininmychevyvannotalkingworked

[@BlondeGravie]

When you said that they are afraid that the perfection of their mind will never be translated properly ... wow..

[@ThatEflatGuy]

Reposted with all 7 time stamps for each sign of an unhealthy/underdeveloped INFJ: 1. Detached from reality 1:30 2. Primitive sensing 4:16 3. Lacking identity 6:42 4. Responsible for others’ emotions 10:13 5. Extreme perfectionism 15:37 6. Keep others at arms length 19:31 7. INFJ as an excuse 22:47

[@thunderbirdice]

Thank you. Are you also INFJ?

[@Dev.85]

I've become all of these over time. I've been going through depression and anxiety from a young age though, discovered I was an INFJ recently which helped put alot of pieces together.

[@ElodieN_INTJ_Typology_Insights]

@@Dev.85 Me too :( . Diagnosed depression and anxiety 3 month ago, since I am lonely, after a breakup on Dec 2020 (9 years relationship). Be lonely is the worst thing that happen to me, and in same time the best thing. I know I am INFJ only since March. Thanks to KZbin who suggested me video of Frank James. After 32 years, I finally know and understand myself. A lot of things that happened in my life are clearer now (Thanks Frank Frank and your great work) Happy to finally know all of this now, but In same time sad, it hurt. Cause no one of the person I know, know MBTI, cognitives functions, and personality. Seems the psychologist/therapist didn't know it neither. Only me can help myself, and it's difficult. Yes, seems I was/am an unhealthy INFJ. Maybe I need to meet other INFJ, who can really understand me and help. I have the impression in France, no many people know about MBTI and functions.

[@bernadettebockis4120]

Perfect!

[@stevethea5250]

@@ElodieN_INTJ_Typology_Insights am INFJT🤙

[@craigmayhan4009]

I’m 51 and been searching for what’s “wrong” with me my whole life. I haven’t seen a therapist because I think about what I need to say to make sure they “get me” then I end up never making a appointment because I can’t figure out how to tell them how I think or feel. People love me and want to be around me but I push them away and I live alone. I’m 100% everything that these and your other INFJ videos describe.... and I’m tired...

[@nadinegomez8858]

Why do you push people away though?

[@kyojiruyu]

@@nadinegomez8858 i think thats has what i been question into myself like all the time. but then it come with so many excuses like other people would perfer to say.. in other word, maybe we just dont know how to go easy with our ownself/thought/feeling about social relationship

[@mariotrejos7236]

@craig mayhan I think is good you found some answers in the videos, keep trying to find the best balance.

[@paulabrooks9316]

I know exactly how this feels. It so hard just being me most days.

[@Dev.85]

I avoided Therapists my whole life, I finally went when suicidal urges kicked back in. I had a lifetime worth of stuff built up, I just started talking. It went from beginning, end to middle sometimes but it felt good. I think that's all that matters, just getting your foot in the door and taking the first step.

[@DebLeeMn]

"Live and let die" - I was abused by many and betrayed until I finally learned. Still working towards being balanced, not embittered, but still "a dreamer"!

[@jlynn8756]

Same 💗

[@mommy2Xful]

I'm crying right now because I'm fifty two years old and you're describing my life.

[@mjolninja9358]

Dont cry

[@flyergymgirl125]

I’m right there with you! I’m turning 55 in a few weeks, have 2 young adult children and figure I should have my life together by now.

[@melanyleal4650]

It's never too late!

[@zentient8840]

58 never too late 🙏🏾

[@hairystyles4212]

@@operationmockingbird216 ^^^

[@CrystalWilliamsBrownArt]

When I finally moved out on my own last year, without having someone to take care of, I realized I didn't know how to make decisions that weren't based on someone else. I didn't know what I liked, what I wanted. I panicked at first. But with some encouragement I started experimenting, figuring myself out. As far as self care, I had to view myself the way I would look at others. It has helped me treat myself better and forgive myself for my sorrow, fear or whatever. When I moved out, I moved out of an abusive situation and I still struggle with the idea of my abuser and their enabler being upset with me.

[@yuciehayashi266]

I picture the ideal life where I can be on my own without adjusting myself to make the emotions of my family better. Then I realised I am a mess on my own after years of disregarding my own emotions, I convinced myself that's why I had to be with my family, continue making myself the 'happy' one so my family will be too. Well... I guess that's my fate. I will never be free. Sorry... Wishing all the best to you!

[@CrystalWilliamsBrownArt]

@@yuciehayashi266 I'm doing better this year than last year. I have this theory that the amount of time it took to learn a habit is around the amount of time needed to fully unlearn it. One of the most important decisions I made during this process is allowing myself to be a mess. Acknowledging some months, weeks, days, hours etc are worse than others. Some are better too. Being happy is a bit overrated. Being honest and kind to myself is far more valuable. And there is nothing wrong with being sad as long as you are honest about it and comfort yourself.

[@yanismartinel4043]

@@CrystalWilliamsBrownArt I hope you're doing Okay, you're definetely on the right path, keep going 🙏🏾.

[@CrystalWilliamsBrownArt]

@@yanismartinel4043 Thank you. I'm doing well. I've been taking good care of myself and have recently started helping some of my family members start their own self-care journeys. I've come a long way and I'm proud of myself ^_^

[@anjithaa4521]

How are you now? I love with a narcissist and I know living with an emotional abuser is the worst.

[@amayabrielle4481]

I actually really appreciated that you did this outside. It gave a really cool effect, and I loved all the sounds in the background

[@lindaojuks1438]

Me too.

[@haruhi225]

Yesss

[@ClassyEnding]

It was also very calming to a very sensitive subject I think we all acknowledge. We wouldn't have clicked on the very if we didn't feel insecure about ourselves.

[@cait8480]

“being a perfectionist means you don’t do anything because you’re afraid of getting it wrong” had to pause the video and put my head down for a minute. i’ve struggled with this my ENTIRE life, it’s dovetailed into my ADHD it’s such an omnipresent part of my life. i’m getting better but when i’m in an unfamiliar situation or starting a new project i feel like i can’t start until i know absolutely everything about the topic. it’s especially hard because i work in instructional design, i’m supposed to be teaching people, but i feel like i need to have expert-level competency before i can even begin otherwise i’m failing the people i’m trying to teach! and ofc i feel responsible for everybody’s feelings and experiences so i can’t just tune out feelings of guilt or judgement if i try to wing it. idk just ✨infj things✨ or anxiety disorder? you be the judge (literally, i can’t make this decision on my own i need feedback)

[@jenlovesthisstuff]

It's called, "fawning" Fawn response is also the tendency to self annihilate and make your own needs nothing and the needs of the other everything.

[@TaunellE]

Ya know how he mentioned a "Lord of the Rings" type theme? That's how nerdy I am. I seriously thought "Fawning" meant Fawning.. getting it on with a "magical water type" Fawn.

[@jenlovesthisstuff]

@@TaunellE INFJs are pretty magical 💜 (INTJ)

[@TaunellE]

😊 So are INTJs! 💜 🦋

[@hopeinhumanity.]

Perhaps that's why I was named Stacy-Fawn...and an infj. damn!

[@professionalcommenter]

Wow, I feel like my whole life has been nothing but me fawning. Just this last year and I able to start to take control of my life, needs and wants. Let me say tht self annihilate is definitely the appropriate word for that description. Because that's what I feel like I was on the brink of doing

[@wernerjansen9387]

Man it really helps me to know there are actually people out there, that think like me and see the world in the same way. Thanks for sharing and keep up the content!

[@parulshanker1436]

Omg i wrote smthng like this in the last video 😄

[@thhtvt]

Yeah I was shocked too that its and actual thing and I am not just a weirdo that nobody understands

[@ireneedmonds4712]

Dude same here

[@Darkness-ie2yl]

i try to share with the mentally weak people surrounding me but they are incapable of comprehending my superior thoughts

[@LanaBlakely]

A little scared to watch this 😅

[@FrankJames]

ha ha uh oh

[@yanamclaughlin]

Lana Blakely I've seen some of your videos (found from a Jordan Peterson video)!! I had a hunch you were INFJ. Incidentally, though he isn't into MBTI, Peterson is commonly typed as INFJ too. 🌙☄

[@theuniverseisabundantwigs]

I was also :)

[@worldunited4903]

Part of our issue is fear

[@Quetzalcoatl-Dragon_97]

Don't worry, we're here for you.

[@fairwind8344]

So painful to watch and understand how severely I mistreated myself all my life. How I intentionally cut off my own wings just not to upset the others who in response just abused and hurt me. I'm so sorry for my inner self. Thank you so much FJ! ❤

[@abidemiadenle267]

Sometimes, I look into a mirror to find a distorted image. Like, the way I think of and see myself in my head is not how I am physically.

[@Sonder0077]

This!

[@ratty5]

I feel you there.

[@TheWriterOnFire]

This is me but it also has a lot to do with me being trans lol it's like... Lack of identity and sense of self bc dysphoria, plus those things bc infj

[@slychicken661]

That's body dysmorphia :/

[@kyaran2463]

YO I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS A THING I THOUGHT I WAS JUST WEIRD-

[@Alt-a-k5g]

I am definitely guilty of making my decisions based on how people around me feel. I just realised that now. Come to think of it, my decisions also change based on the people around me at a particular point in life. I really struggle with my identity as I grew up in a strict household and always had to behave a certain way and stay in line. I feel lonely a lot. I have many people reaching out trying to get to know me and I don't reciprocate. Now that we're on lockdown, I ignore messages from friends for days while feeling sad and lonely. I often feel like I create my own problems just to keep my life entertaining. It drives me insane and I don't know how to deal with it.

[@s.wapnanil]

Same is the case with me. I heavily agree with you on the decision- making point. I always make my decisions based on how people around me feel. I grew up in a strict household as well. My parents used to force me to call up my relatives and ask them about their health and work but I really don't like such small talks. I often feel lonely and depressed but the same me rejects friend's invitation to parties or social gatherings. I often want people to come to my life who will understand me and look after me but I fail to communicate with people when I'm given an opportunity to connect with new people. I think you're from India just like me (your name is an Indian name) so I shared my story with you :-)

[@Alt-a-k5g]

@@s.wapnanil thanks for sharing your story, Swapnil. Means a lot. Its always comforting to know that you're not really alone in this and there are other people out there going through similar journeys. I'm Indian but now I live and work in Thailand. Hope you are doing well.

[@s.wapnanil]

@@Alt-a-k5g Yes, my family and I are doing well. Hope you and your family are doing well as well 😊

[@PrissyHippie]

This is so me. I feel the same. I have over 3K friends on social media but have no intimate friends, not really. No one that I could call at 3am I don't think. But I could. It's me. I ghost a lot and I hate that about myself... but I don't have the energy(?) To engage... no desire really but feel lonely. I'm crazy I swear. I need therapy or something.

[@Alt-a-k5g]

@@PrissyHippie I get you. Its the same with me. I used to have high maintenance friends when I was younger and had to cut them off because I was not able to keep up with their standards. Now I just ghost everyone and then feel sad that I have no friends. I thought I needed therapy and decided to go once but for some reason, that made me feel way more insecure and unwanted. When my therapist said "don't think about harming yourself because you matter to people and you matter to me" I was so turned off. I felt like her words were insincere and made me feel like I was seeking pity from random people who don't even know me. I never went again but I wish I knew how to deal with myself and what goes on in my head.

[@LunarLove0]

I literally hit like after "detached from reality" I love my inner world more than anything and I'm starting to feel the consequences.

[@liaboo943]

I love my inner world too 🌱🌻

[@plummage]

THIS IS ME

[@lenkajunova7419]

yeah I'm like 5 min away from being a hermit :-D not healthy, for sure, but it's hard to sustain any real live connections when it physically and mentally drains you

[@PaulineMugure]

I think the reason we don't share our ideas is we don't think others will be interested and we would rather listen to and support their ideas.

[@afroponix3414]

“Don’t make perfect the enemy of the good”. That statement helped this INFJ quite a bit..

[@PraiseYahforHeisHoly]

"Being a perfectionist is doing nothing". Yes, I concur to the fullest. I've thought that, but never articulated it the way you have

[@sonyatimlick2024]

“INFj’s have a good time being a monk or a hypnotherapist” 😂. Ahh, yes the easy way out.

[@oceanbreeze9248]

The 'one' kid in the family hit way too close to home. And I couldn't get out of it as a kid because whenever I tried to stand up for myself I was told not to be selfish or mean.

[@JoePAcalaughs]

Agreed

[@maryfischer8568]

Same here...being adopted was always my 'excuse'.

[@kruidhof73]

Yep, same problem here. Even when i was 46, had another job to do (like making money to pay my rent). I had to help my family, or else i was a selfish bitch, who did not care about her family. Decided: to go no contact. I rather be a "selfish bitch" then a wreck of a human giving more energy to people who don't really love or respect. me.

[@elizarened]

“Your ego is created to protect you” holyyy shiiii

[@Justin-jb1nh]

I have just discovered I'm an infj. Dude, I thought I was a freak for so long. Just having a source of some good advice is making a lot of difference. Thank you for doing this.

[@victoriamarsden]

To all sad INFJs Honour and love your uniqueness.. you are one of a rare 2% of the population. Blessings ❤️

[@carolinedearras2296]

Think I'd rather be part of the 98

[@DiogoChris]

@@carolinedearras2296 Those 98% have their own problems as well. The thing is self mastery. Once you live life constantly finding out more about yourself, you'll be waayy happier. And note: That is a journey. You'd never master yourself all at once. It's a process that you go through throughout life, not just for INFJs, but for everyone. And remember, stay cool and attractive 😁

[@MyChihuahua]

Everyone go watch JPSears Embrace Your Weird 😊

[@MyChihuahua]

@@DiogoChris 😁 That made me smile!!

[@MyChihuahua]

I think we are the ones that self examine and strive for growth the most. But now I see that we need to trust our own perceptions of ourselves and not need outside approval to change be who we are learning to be, and just start BEING and not think we must be perfect first! !

[@reagan3078]

I could tell this was a really tough video for you to make. I could feel the emotions from the beginning! Thank you for being vulnerable to help others!

[@JesusLovesBest]

I sensed that too❤

[@jeans46442]

I tend to procrastinate on my work and personal life so much. I have this perfect idea of what I want to do in my head but I don’t know how to translate it into reality, so I just avoid doing it at all... Then I torment myself for not doing any of those things. - INFJ looking for someone who relates on this

[@bread5414]

ME ... :( I know exactly what I need to do to achieve what I've planned out but I procrastinate because the idea of taking the initiative to do something regularly is too much for me to handle.. I think I need someone to force me to do it but that's obviously not a good idea

[@joeantol7736]

Just procrastinated an entire week of work and am going through the same cycle. It will get better

[@1994BlackBear]

Joe Antol tell me How

[@Sputinich]

Am I the only one who feels personally attacked by this video? Great video Frank, as always.

[@Delightfulevening]

I thought I was the only one 😫

[@elainecary2884]

Spent a lot of my childhood making sure my mom and dad weren’t stressed out. Does make me question if being INFJ is at least related to upbringing

[@LatinaChef1986]

Elaine Cary Sounds like me!

[@mellern1]

I'm not an INFJ but much of what's in this video is applicable to NFs in general, I think. I'm an ENFP and I can relate to what he says...there is a gift of understanding emotional meaning and wanting to create harmony by bringing balance to all the emotional sparks that constantly fly around us. Just scoop them all up in a bag, put em on the table, and organize them neatly for others.

[@thewayofthe6]

Elaine Cary yes so me man! Always made sure I was the child they never had to worry about

[@JMAB9610]

@@thewayofthe6 yes! which makes choosing a career after school that much harder.

[@jasminemariedarling]

Lol yes! I never wanted kids because growing up I was always SO worried about my little sister's wellbeing, I felt like I already had a kid.

[@GreenStarMidoriBoshi]

i don't understand how this video only has 30k likes. You said some things that feel so close, no therapist ever phrased some of these ideas like this

[@randomcarrot7970]

The perfectionism part is so true. It's always like when there's a project in my head, it just so amazing but when I get to the planning, I realize that it's just too difficult to make the project real. So I'll choose to not do it anymore. But truly, it's much better to create a "mediocre" project in our standards, especially if it helps other people, than to never create anything at all.

[@rainrenain6287]

"You need to learn to just let people be angry. Let them be upset. Let them be sad. You don't have to take care of them. You don't have to make it better." I cried after hearing this. I think this is one of the things that I badly wanted to hear from anyone who understands. All my life, I was treated as a "dumpsite" of everyone's negative feelings (I don't have a better word for that, sorry) and I always feel like I have to set things right and make it better for them so they wouldn't feel upset to me. I honestly don't know if I am an INFJ because I have no way to confirm this all by my own, but this is a great content and is very uplifting, especially when you are obviously being careful with your words. Thank you so much for this :)

[@bumblebee803]

It's called a scapegoat. Such an awful word, but that's what it is. I've NEVER had anyone care about me or for me. When I woke up one day and realized this, it blew my mind that I was living a rat race with myself, chasing my own tail.

[@crystalwaters5038]

someone: you need to worry about yourself before you worry about others me (an infj): ?????

[@ayp5177]

Omg same 🤯

[@vine872]

INFJ + TW culture I'm a Taiwanese and in my culture, there is a social norm "not to trouble others". My parents/classmates/teachers would always 'discourage' me by saying sth I wanna do was too 'troublesome to others' and imply that I shouldn't do it. Now me at the workplace becomes the most shy person to call for help because I feel that I would 'trouble' them. I also become the most anxious person at work because I have all the problems in the world but no help. I work in Shanghai and most of my colleagues (Shanghainese) were constantly confused at my behavior. When they have a question, they just seek for help, without hesitation. I originally thought their confusion was mainly because of culture difference. But now I think my behavior is a result of both my personality and my culture. It's like my culture encourages/enhances my personality. Anyways, I hope with that acknowledged, I can change and start to be a healthier INFJ. :)

[@speeddemon1272]

@@vine872 i totally feel you. I've always thought that my personality was a result of my education and experience (especially school experience), and something was wrong with me (why me? why am i different and always misunderstood?). I was always afraid of causing trouble to people and i always felt like... my presence was disturbing them. I suffered from this during all my childhood and teenage and i'm almost 19 yo now, and i'm conscious that some feelings are just illusions and that, those illusions are disturbing my life; anyway, being conscious of what's going on in our environment and find solutions is a quality for INFJs due to our extroverted feeling. Well, the only solution i found to deal with this difficulty is to differentiate between people who deserves to be considered and people who doesn't. It's seems hard for an INFJ but, for my case, once i started to push myself to ignore some people simply because i feel that they don't deserve my energy and consideration, i feel more peaceful inside and more capable to give to the people who deserves all my attention. But also, made me feel stronger than before. The other tool is to consider yourself as someone else, (not what you are, who you are) and try to find solutions for yourself like you'll do for other people. So yeah that's it. (i've just discovered this MBTI test and tbh i've decided to cure my personality difficulties long before knowing my peronality type. Actually my type doesn't really matter because it's like i've always looked for my qualities and defaults,so that wasn't really surprising when checking INFJs charateristics. However, discovering that Im an INFj is just like smh reassuring.)

[@alexwalksinnature]

Yes!!! I hear that often, but how can I feel good when others don’t?

[@MyChihuahua]

@@alexwalksinnature others most often have the same choice to decide to be happy, either way it's not your job/none of your business how others feel, unless YOU hurt them.

[@betz5359]

This makes sense how I’m always trying to discover my true identity! It’s taken sooo long and I still feel like I’m not fully there yet but getting overly excited when I find something that I like and over attached to it (specific music/ hobbie) might be a reason for it but again I tend to place my identity on objects and things around myself apparently and this whole identity thing is so CONFUSING

[@anyiagillespie5025]

I do the same thing! Identity crisis everyday 🥲

[@bumblebee803]

Me too. I keep making a breakthrough and then I go a step back. Can't win, then I do, then I don't. Then I do again. What a roller-coaster of a journey. Been healing for 5.5 years, such a traumatic experience. Wishing us all the best of luck. And lots of hard work. :)

[@kjokjojessica]

This is the therapy that I needed.

[@drzoeziad]

EXACTLY! Feeling so attacked yet understood and still so soothing and emotional! Love him

[@mamoun9964]

same here

[@robertbrewer4164]

"INFJs are dreamers, first and foremost." Totally. I try to make it more about "the process" than "the end product," and that's served me well over the years.

[@professionalcommenter]

I'm learning how to do that now.

[@Bewustemeid]

This is the thing I struggle the most with!

[@lexis6554daisy]

Sounds like my first resume review ever.

[@Nick-qx2ck]

Robert Brewer I struggle with this as well ! The way I put it I’m too busy thinking about step three that I never take the time to do or even think about step 1 thus never advancing !

[@LinYouToo]

13:40 as a parentified child, I had to be the “emotional container “ for all of the emotions in the family including both parents. The greatest gift I ever gave myself was the freedom to look after me. The greatest gift I ever gave my mother was the gift to take responsibility for her own life, her own feelings, and her own well-being. When she finally realized her entitlement, guilt, and obligation no longer worked on me and I stood my ground as I gained my true identity I finally became the woman I was always meant to be.

[@ravenn2631]

I’m happy for you.

[@ellielovesbands]

how?

[@user-of4kk4in9f]

Yes i did the same and my mom hated losing control. I was her therapist. But i did it (and it took years) but i agree its very freeing!

[@blameese]

This is so true and I’m a INTJ.

[@carieyounginsurance]

🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️ me too! I grew up way to fast..and became responsible for my parents as well emotionally especially my mother...I’m 47 and just have realized that her problems are not mine to solve.

[@mrduck4781]

im literally everything here... I feel like I was a pretty healthy infj until I got into a relationship with someone who didnt understand or align with me. It made me close off to the world, and retreat into all these unhealthy traits. But I feel comforted having someone put my messy feelings into words with high clarity. Thank you for the video, I want to work on myself and become a better person

[@soyonpak4270]

"INFJs are, first and foremost, dreamers." I felt very moved when you said that. I was already picking up your sadness as you were talking about perfectionism and paralysis and thinking of the scifi tale you had worked on. I have been feeling the need to get back into creativity, appreciation and expression of beauty. So what you are saying so resonated with me, You are such a great speaker. No doubt I am not the only one who would enjoy reading your writings. Do you have writings to share? BTW, I love that you went outdoors in the beauty that is nature.

[@sunshine11900]

❤❤❤❤

[@opalfishsparklequasar8663]

☺💖💎🏆

[@Baazigar_007]

As an INFJ i can say the biggest problem of being an INFJ is to handle pressure in Public people suspect you are gay lol Even if you are not

[@EyeTea]

I find it extremely satisfying when someone takes their time to think what they will say instead of filling the blank with unnecessary words. Merci ありがとう

[@astheticrose960]

People often try to rush me up when I take time to respond

[@lucyscott4034]

You read me like a book. Please do a video about healthy INFJs so we can all improve haha!

[@worldunited4903]

Self love is the answer

[@iTzProLike1]

@@worldunited4903 I your own hand can love youself, your brain can do it too [bad joke]

[@SikuX]

On the contrary, I believe this video is in fact needed in order to improve. Not focus on the positives that will only feed one's ego and lack the constructive criticism some of us need. :)

[@worldunited4903]

@@SikuX exactly...harsher the better!! I'm a stubborn one

[@chucknorris6300]

Hahaha! Right

[@chocoh0lic410]

I'm an INFJ. Typed in 2008, rechecked in 2021. And you basically just shed light into my frustrations growing up. Thank God, I've since outgrown or grown through some of these things, but you're incredibly spot on to me. Still learning, still adjusting. This is helpful. Thank you. "Stop using INFJ as an excuse to not grow." YES.

[@akira26202]

And over here we can see an introvert outside which is a very rare occurence lol. HAHAHA. This is nice, a change of background.

[@jeremysmith9694]

Haha

[@alicealexandrescu4549]

Confused Pencil I’ve seen introverts be inside when they inside the walls of a quiet home, it’s that internal, external consciousness. Being in unadulterated peaceful nature is probably the best way for INFJ’s to connect to the external universe.

[@keepinitkawaii]

This introvert loves being in nature....alone lol

[@kita3256]

INFJs likes the outdoors but alone or with certain ppl.lol... It's actually very good for the INFJ to be in nature.

[@TaunellE]

He isn't a Vampire...

[@ruthestep3444]

Stagnant., afraid to live. Afraid of repercussions with the “what if”....

[@sof9546]

Exactly - well said

[@brianla99]

"get over the perfectionism - it's not helping you, and it's not helping the world" thanks for reminder that in order to serve others we have to share our ideas with the world, despite the final product almost never living up to our ideals.

[@nitishgupta6463]

If our ideas don't serve us if we put it out then there is no point or worse if it's used against us.

[@briannaharris3856]

I really appreciate your ability to speak hard truths Frank. It's not easy as an INFJ to do that. To those who listen and desire to grow and be a stronger and better person, though... It can be very empowering. I am an INFJ and I have a hard time with confronting anyone (especially myself) about the hard truths. I'm glad you were so gentle about it :) Thank you for helping me understand!