INFJs are cold.

Why those warm and fuzzy INFJ types can be very cold sometimes.
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[@darkpheonix3047]

I feel sad when other people dont even bother to know how i feel while i try to understand everyone...

[@suhasini01]

Very true my friend. We go out of our way to make them feel good and in return they make us feel like we don't exist. We just give, give, and give and get nothing in return. Ive tried to be cold and be less sensitive to other peoples needs, but have been unsuccessful so far. Being an empath is what i am, thats my true self and if i let that go, i will be just like anybody else.

[@n.s9275]

Exacly

[@Gigi-fj5vh]

I feel this aswell. Just once I would like someone just to ask ’how are you really going’? ‘What is really going on’?

[@godisawesomeasalways6004]

Dark Phoenix I know exactly what you're saying yet if they were to ask I know I personally would not be able to explain exactly what's going on in my head because how do you put that into words? It's five thousand things all at one time some of them magical and Alice in Wonderland like that no one could ever visualize, then the other is sizing people up thinking about situations how many outcomes there are. Sometimes I believe we're just not meant to be understood by everyone and that's okay. But I would like to ask you how are you doing? What's going on in your head? I may be able to understand.

[@Hey-ey9jn]

Dark Pheonix, I always check on people who are close to me, but, they always seem to think I'm fine. I don't talk much in reality, so, when I don't talk to them, they think it's fine. I feel so betrayed then. But I guess that's what happens when I don't share my feelings.

[@carries1412]

That's why Narcissists love us...and why having a cold side comes in handy, cause when were done, were done. I can ghost better than a ghost.

[@j.hypolite5163]

oh yes, narcissists love usssssss. I've only just realized this. I realized how i was always walking on tip toes, afraid to hurt their feelings, being super supportive, being considerate, meanwhile they never gave two shits how the things they said and did affected me and whenever i was upset or acted the slightest bit different they would make it all about them and even accused me of playing victim. Well i am cold now, and i'm over giving a damn about the feelings of ppl who don't give a damn about mine.

[@maxtanner2202]

So facts still going strong and she wants me back

[@carries1412]

Max Tanner A true narc would never consider being one....just saying...

[@maxtanner2202]

Carrie S what?

[@carries1412]

@@maxtanner2202 I dont know that I u understood your statement...lol

[@Goonrata84]

I used to say "I'm everybody's best friend but who is my best friend."

[@bittersweet6507]

True this!

[@ghinasheikh1893]

This was me forever until I found my 3 bestfriends. :) one of them is an INFJ-A just like me. Best. Person. Ever.

[@officialtwitch8775]

Eric Vosseller me too man

[@mxwitcher]

Same until I found mine, they were four who were INTJ, ENFP, INFP and an ISFP, being an INFJ I really feel like we are in a whole different spectrum but same, I love it

[@fighterrrx]

yep

[@haleberry5939]

INFJ don't have thick skin-- we just wear a thick skin costume so our sensitivity isn't exposed!

[@melita524e]

Lol

[@melita524e]

Lol

[@melita524e]

Lol

[@kylearanyosi954]

Damn I denied this to my self for a second lol

[@JanColdwater]

That is when we are young... as we age, i think we just get good at smelling bullshit and have no tolerance for it.

[@rosestudstrup540]

Yes, INFJs are "nice". We really listen, empathize, and make others feel understood. That's the warm part. But don't take our niceness too personally - we're nice to everyone. That's the cold part.

[@micahgeorge2981]

Rose Studstrup for real so many ppl think I’m their best friend because I’m nice to them but in reality I’m nice to literally everyone.

[@ElenyM]

Lol so true!!!!!!!

[@jumbroni6014]

Facts. I have people mistake my kindness for weakness occasionally. It doesn't end well for them once I get REDLINED!!! Then I let them know their sins. And I make them know their sins. And I make them know their sins. Did I tell you that I MAKE THEM KNOW THEIR SINS-!!!

[@quarantinelife.]

@@micahgeorge2981 same here with enfj 😂😂😂😂😂

[@youngk001]

Jum Broni lmao no doubt

[@juliafreitas8362]

"You give all of yourself and get nothing back" I felt understood right now let's take a moment and appreciate that

[@ImmortalLama-gz3zp]

Omg. I'm in the middle of the vid. And just read this comment. And it's too relatable like all I want from Someone is to treat me as much as I do to them I guess. Like i give my whole attention when they speak, when you just get distracted in the middle of what I'm saying, it's as if what im saying is not that important, I dont ever do such things. When ppl do so I just say "ha ha forgot what I was saying" or "cant remember". Idk. That just hurts.

[@chielojean]

*"we are just a dumping ground for everyone's feeling and emotions"* ohmygosh this is my whole life summed up in one sentence

[@essencemack5809]

Yep lol

[@valeriehudson9861]

My life too

[@mahmoudbabikir6414]

But to be honest, we like solving peoples problems. If we didnt we wouldn't bare it. Even though INFJs are problem solvers and give and dont take. We kinda like it. We love mind challenges😎

[@yashivuvbolshomdomenakholm8274]

I started telling people that I'm not an emotional dump truck where anyone can just dump their emotional trash (ie. Family!)... At first people did *not* like it because they thought I was targeting them (I wasn't). But slowly throughout the years, I continued to say it and the people who used to have an issue with it now see how they were misused too and get it now. It pays to continue to grow and stick to your guns. It helps others too... Not just yourself (of course this INFJ would say that 😆).

[@meldagerao5570]

TRUE. I had this friend who would hang out with me when she and her bestfriend would fight. Then when thry are good and make-up, She treats me like I dont even exist anymore. Like HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA ok see you later when you two fight again.

[@danihaiden890]

I thought I was rare until I saw the comment section lol

[@awurama2380]

😂 I feel you

[@yasminn.ibanez2693]

We're all rare because our personal experiences and choices affects our personality. So don't worry fellow infj let's embrace this rarity without feeling insecure ❤️

[@sarahaziz3158]

Nothing iz rare thezr days

[@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983]

Mood. Although, one of the typical INFJs favorite past times is introspection, and by extension we seem to be one of the most likey types to watch these types of videos. So it makes sense that there are a lt of INFJs on these types of videos. Plus there is the fact that this is a video about INFJs, lol.

[@aroosaaziz2822]

same here 😂

[@amalkiimasha6616]

I think we INFJs can hurt someone's feelings so hard if we want,bcz we know exactly what can hurt them the most,I realised it recently,

[@Diplexsy]

Yes an INFJ did this to me and I almost committed suicide

[@amalkiimasha6616]

@@Diplexsy 😯😑

[@lsniro1930]

trueee

[@rondomcommenta]

@@Diplexsy r you good man....?

[@Diplexsy]

@@rondomcommenta I am well friend trying to survive day by day

[@veethau1218]

Why do people seek us when they are down and for unloading but never when they are happy? I am always a afterthought. I would love to hear good news and not just the blues.

[@ladylovesherlord]

Had to tell an ex that... like look man... I didn't sign up for this, I don't want to listen to you talk and I can't get a word in, I don't want to support you and not get any support back, I don't want to be your therapist, I want to have fun. People do seem to take our kindness and understanding for granted.

[@theresag1969]

Oh yes, that has been my problem with friends. They love me for that, but I can't go to them nor do they want to share fun times with me. My relationships are one-sided.

[@ruthjones5557]

It’s because we are highly skilled at intuiting other people’s needs, we are highly empathetic and make very good listeners. When using these combined skills we make other people feel safe and secure enough to offload/dump their whoas on us. Sadly they become conditioned to see us like a child sees a parent. We become pseudo parents to people who haven’t learned to self soothe. What we’re not good at is setting boundaries, although this skill can be learned. That said, many people we meet are not good at respecting our boundaries, which leaves us having to set firm boundaries which they experience as us turning cold 🥶 on them. We end up in mainly one sided relationships because we have the ability to intuitively understand others but others cannot reciprocate, which leaves us feeling lonely. But hang in there because it is possible to meet someone who totally gets you. It happened to me and I ended up marrying the most wonderful man. For the first time in my entire life I lived with someone that I totally got, and he in turn totally understood me. It was a relationship like no other. Pure heaven on earth. No arguments because we were both able to intuitively notice the other person at a deep level. Hang in there. You will find someone, some day, and it will be a meeting of two beautiful souls. ❤️

[@Qvotes]

I am not an INFJ but an introvert as well (INFP) . How about a HAPPY/HYPED narcissistic person to share their good news on you? Their good news are centered mostly on THEIR greatness 😬

[@RegenerativeMojave]

So much truth. They only seek when they are in need.

[@a.kenneth3521]

Omg. I just started learning about my INFJ-ness, and this hits home so hard. I’ve been called Ice Queen, cold, stand-offish, etc. - but simultaneously told how warm, wonderful, caring I am. I’ve always thought of myself as a “weirdo-magnet” - the person who attracts all the broken, needy, odd, eccentric people, and can’t seem to shake them until I cut them off, completely. And then, I get the guilts, the depression, the worries, the what-ifs. Ugh! Anyway, thanks - this vid of yours is valuable. One I’ll rewatch. Shared too much. Gotta go recharge. 10/10

[@aoiojmnz]

A. Kenneth Lol same, I sat in the “misfit” table in high-school because I made friends with the outcast crowd and have always been more interested to talking with ‘odd’ people. Its interesting to think about how INFJs, speaking from my own experience, are attracted to the people the majority deems as weirdos. edit: perhaps because we are the weirdos, lol. Cheers

[@starrseed2687]

I’m an INFJ and my husband once told me that I have no emotions. 🙄 LOL

[@dubuyajay9964]

@@starrseed2687 And he still married you...

[@resakhan-mohammed7701]

100% accuracy.

[@micahgeorge2981]

A. Kenneth I relate so much to your comment

[@tinasteig7706]

That's why I have dedicated myself to cheer up INFJs giving them a ear when they need it, hugs, food, going the extra mile. I am ENFP and have at least 3 INFJ friends who need this kind of support. I try as little as possible to throw my negative emotions on them. I believe the healthy happy ENFP can really help INFJs recover from being an emotional sponge

[@1chienandalou]

Tina Steig oh super sweet! I try too with my INFJ but I’m an ENTP and end up talking too much sometimes.

[@jenniferwilson1527]

My best friend is ENFP and she does this for me. It's a great balance of friendship for us

[@cem950]

I need a friend like you

[@flusel4949]

You remind me of one of my two best friends, who is an ENFP as well, one of the very few people in this world that I can pour my heart out to. Thank you for giving other INFJs the support, we need so much!

[@vaishnavikatakdhond2337]

You are super sweet❤️

[@hb6839]

And literally it seems like the way we make people feel understood and cared for, nobody does the same for us and we're left to fend for ourselves in bad situations. Because even if we tried to explain, it would be nearly impossible putting it all into words, and maybe other people don't have the ability to understand as good as we do

[@wckd4u]

I was just thinking about this myself - that I tend to always validate and rationalize others experiences and they feel so relieved to be fully understood by someone. Yet, when I have struggles or am sensing some trouble with people in my life and try to express my feelings to friends, they just say things like 'um you are overreactive' or 'i dont think so, that person is really nice to me' or whatever. It is hard to not be equally validated or understood.

[@hb6839]

Exactly. Or they me that I'm overly sensitive, and make me feel bad about myself and often as if I'm looking too deep into things. They don't understand the gravity of some situations. Sure, I'm good at sensing things doesn't mean I'm getting false alarms about everything. And my theories come true later so yeah joke's on em

[@blahhoop8280]

Eros L I so feel this. It’s why I stay isolated most of the time

[@kellylyons1038]

I feel this too, have had lots of good friends in my life and no one has ever given me back the same understanding and caring that i have put in for them, and especially in my times of struggle. I wonder how we can handle friendships better?? I am starting to be more reserved so as to protect myself from caring too much, but now my friends are drifting away.

[@hb6839]

Exactly what's happening with me. I'm not necessarily antisocial, maybe I've also got a good proportion of extroversion so when I'm in my type of crowd and a good mood, I can party and have fun, shop etc with them. But making quality friendships is hard. Especially meaningless relationships.

[@jaylews]

I've heard the doorslam be described as 'I don't hate you, I nothing you' and I think that sums it up perfectly.

[@SirinBayazit]

That's so accurate!

[@estherkalenga8336]

YES

[@ewak.1155]

I always had an opinion that indiference is far worse than hatred, because if you hate someone you still care about them in some way

[@julesl4525]

That's perfect.

[@desert_moon]

That's definitely me.

[@Ang.143]

Boundaries and self love give INFJ’s what they need. I had to stop giving to ppl that don’t deserve it. It’s so simple but it took 33 years to learn this.

[@heythemelhoseny7453]

I do near 30 totally agree with you, I found it easier to withdrew from all friendships instead of burning my energy with my health case and be in my home, but started a little to say no

[@valeriehudson9861]

It took me that much time too

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

I'm right there with you... 36 years though.

[@sowo1987]

Hehe 33 and just learnt about codependency.

[@tmishael3598]

...I mean I get it.

[@mekachan5200]

Me: *Resting B face staring to everyone with intimidating looks* My friend : what's wro.. Me: *giving her harsh stare* Her: what's wrong? Me: Absolutely nothing

[@destree6348]

Meka chan5 lmao! So true!!! 😝

[@linalou1199]

I seem to have that certain stare/expression going on at times when I’m not really aware of it and the people I’m with at that moment always react the same way: are you ok? makes me cringe every time 😂

[@spruce117]

I feel like a creep cause my resting B face

[@crystalcrawford553]

I come to enjoy my RBF because it keeps people away. I have a very small circle of people I ALLOW into my life. It’s a gift that should be embraced. It’ll save you a lot of strife

[@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983]

The other day I was waiting for my sister outside of a grocery store bathroom, and a complete stranger walked up to me to ask if I was okay. She looked quite concerned, despite the fact that I was, in fact, in a good mood. The thing is, she wasn't even an employe trying to give good customer service, like I assumed. She was just a random customer. Things like this happen to me probably 40 percent of the time that I leave my house, and even people that are close to me frequently say that I constantly look stressed or depressed. Sometimes they even refuse to believe that I am, in fact, perfectly fine. I heard someone say that they "don't have a resting bitch face, but a resting I-don't-want-to-be-here face", and I feel like that describes me pretty well 😂

[@edd338]

The best INFJ channel on KZbin. Please, keep posting videos. You're doing a great thing.

[@FrankJames]

Thanks Eduardo!

[@mackennamarks1039]

These videos are basically like the course on myself I didn’t know I needed 🤯

[@LoVe-po7xc]

Mackenna Marks True!!!

[@cringeylazy]

same!

[@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983]

Mood

[@kuntakinte13]

same here

[@erica2105]

INFP with a close INFJ friend here. I can see what you describe in my friend. I know her well and I know she's deeply deeply empathetic and caring and warm heated. She doesn't SHOW a lot of emotion and she can be very straightforward when she's annoyed or when she finds something stupid, which may come across as COLD to those who don't know or understand her well. She also has a very acid sense of humor, which i LOVE but some may find harsh. But it's just a matter of communication and whether other people accept pure honesty or not, I guess INFJs are not easily understood by everyone. I personally like her and appreciate her a lot. We don't see each other or talk that often, we don't need to TALK a lot to be close, but I know she's honest and reliable and she's there for me or anyone if we really need. I wish there were more of you INFJs out there.

[@dogproblems]

Eri feels like this could have been written about me

[@fofocuddlypoop2084]

We are a rare breed.

[@thegreasybagboy]

Curious, what do you mean my acid sense of humor?

[@jacobandersen6075]

Oh my yes. People’s idea of kindness appears shallow to me sometimes. It’s deeper within.

[@Yun_er]

I guess infj and infp get along well

[@irenegoldie4774]

The best thing that I ever learned in life was how to say 'No' - and mean it.

[@killemwifkindness]

It's so hard for me to say no. It's a lifelong lesson for me to master... That's how literal and strong the doorslam analogy is in this

[@Prince_Oli]

I recently learned how to say no, but now I’m learning how to accept when people say no to me.

[@micahgeorge2981]

I’ve struggled with this but am working on it

[@milam190]

Me too. But, when I said that, "No", the "guilt" comes rolling inside of me.

[@akankshachodankar832]

True

[@젠장미]

As an adult INFJ, I've learned to protect my emotions and avoid unnecessary drama/to get so attached to every people i meet. As a result, my friends call me cold or ghost . 😬

[@tatianemartins6615]

Please share your tips with us haha I'm going mad

[@alinabayer9607]

enlighten us please!

[@brysonmacdougal7898]

I'm often told I have a penetrating gaze that sometimes makes people feel naked. I'm also told I come off as being aloof. 🤷‍♀️

[@thirtythreeflavors]

If that really is your profile picture, your eyes are striking. I have those kind of eyes too. I think eyes like ours, along with the fact that people may sense that something is happening when we look at them really freaks people out. And your eyes are lovely just to be clear🙏😏

[@titaniumtiara4573]

Me too. Terrible resting bitch face. People assume I’m a snob or aloof.

[@morganlowder51]

Probably a thing with a lot of INxJs, also as an Intp I also have an intense gaze and expression. I try mask and develop my Fe though

[@catstailbartender3866]

Exactly! especially when they first meet me I don't know to stop it XD

[@asseyez-vous6492]

Beware the narcissists though! I am, unfortunately, like a magnet to them. Narcs will drain you of ALL your energy. I've learnt when I'm being targeted by them now, and stay away as much as possible. Beware the narc they're users and takers and only give back criticism and gaslighting. Love to all INFJs ❤️

[@manmanman4825]

I can relate to this so much ❤️

[@Itjusthappened0]

truly, my work mate who sit beside me is a narcissists. then one time i explode, I straight forwardly told her "why she's so narcissist? always blaming me and other whenever she fails. making me always feel guilty for not saving her face!" it's suck. I love my job but she is so draining and a lot of work to deal with. haist, i want my space but she like all my attention because Im the only one who emphathize her. I can't wait the time comes that employees sit be reshuffled again.

[@nathonhilton6860]

The problem is when your mom is a narc, and you have no way to avoid them for too long.

[@ghinasheikh1893]

Oooooooo narcs are really riveted towards us but once you learn how to spot them, it’s easy to pretend they don’t exist. Indifference is the answers. *happy sigh*

[@ghinasheikh1893]

Answer**

[@highplainsdrifter699]

As a mature INFJ-t Empath, we are spiritually enlightened people trapped and fighting for our lives in a Narcissistic self serving egotistic world .🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

[@beemonroe4330]

I’ve never heard a more succinctly crafted sentence describing the daily existence. INFJ-T Super Empath, Life Path 9, Virgo. Please make it stop. How exactly do you purchase your own island, asking for a friend…?

[@mandylavell1774]

This made me laugh!Yeah that's what I've been thinking but you said it so well

[@JulieChanDoitsu]

@@beemonroe4330 I would like to know as well !

[@wanda5548]

there is no such thing as infj-t

[@c.j3087]

As an INFP, I totally relate. 😢

[@daniellem578]

This was a good video so true. I’ve INFJ doorslammed so many ppl due to them taking my kindness as a weakness or that others think I’m slow and can’t pick up on there selfish tactics. I just have a zero tolerance level

[@helloooo7465]

D M. People often just can't sense the deepness of our many layers of emotions and that we constantly see but excuse others thoughtlessness. There are limits to us excusing other people stomping over our feelings.

[@daniellem578]

helloooo very true

[@laraoneal7284]

D M I’m the exact same as u

[@13victoriasecret]

My nickname is doorslammer! 😉

[@dharmadharma3960]

Yea, they don't see it coming.

[@chloeme621]

I've just recently found out I'm an INFJ and it explains why everyone opens up to me even though I don't know them? I mean like people in an emergency room telling me their life problems. Or why all my coworkers tell me all of their issues at home, or strangers message me about their mental health? LOL my entire life I've been like a counsellor to everyone.

[@maisap5174]

Chloe Muggridge Hahhaahh same

[@LoveAndSnapple]

That’s why INFJ is also known as “The Counselor” 😅😅😅

[@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983]

SAME 😂 I recently realized that ALL of my close relationships (outside of family, of course) are buit on me being their councilor, which isn't a very strong foundation to say the least (I know, what a *fun* thing to realize). At least I now have an explanation for why strangers always open up to me. 😂

[@yashivuvbolshomdomenakholm8274]

Same... All of my friends come to me for wisdom and advice. But I cam never depend on them for solid, sound advice. It's exhausting. When I was young, it made me bitter. Now I know it's apart of the package of me and don't give as much to them as I once did.

[@aroosaaziz2822]

same here 😂😂 and i even used to ask people y they open up to me when they are even introvert by themselves..and they say we do t knw but u made us feel comfortable 😄

[@trina5044]

It is so hard to go into recovery without people being worried that I’m ghosting them. I understand my friends care for me, but they just don’t understand I just need to be alone and I’m not upset because of them.

[@barbaranocente8769]

I had the door slam three times to this girl that I was trying to be friends with I was older than her and she was going through some of the things that I had already been through and she was just so unfortunately her mind was like a a big pile of yarn and too many layers for me to deal with I could have if she would have hung in there with me but she got offended whenever I backed away when I needed to back away because she needed to learn and you know but whatever you know it didn't work out it still bothers me but I know I did the right thing so but anyway God bless

[@eyobassey5106]

@@barbaranocente8769 Lmao I hate and love that I am hard to understand.

[@astoldbynickgerr]

YES YES YES

[@srijapathak6330]

Yeah, it's freaking relatable...

[@fowchiiiliedpuppiesdied]

And sometimes we are.

[@laraoneal7284]

A bigger clue about others is what they DON’t Say. I get bigger intuitive vibes from that. It is huge.

[@se7enofnein]

Lara O'neal It’s always what is not said. Because don’t we ‘say’ a lot of things non verbally, and assume others are doing the same? It’s reading between the lines. Even when someone talks it’s much less taxing because I always fear what was not said. As a server it’s hard when people never acknowledge my actions even with a thank you... It makes me feel lower than dirt when they don’t even look at me. Yes I’m getting paid but I still deserve to be treated like I exist. Alexa, Siri, and Sophia would be better suited for snotty restaurant customers.

[@laraoneal7284]

Mindy Sioux Yes but I’m talking about what I know they are withholding. Ppl lie through omission all the time. Secretive and basically dishonest. This is what I hate so I terminate any interaction with those types I’m talking about personal experiences not work.

[@Interstellar_369]

I immediately know what isnt being said... and oh my goodness... its like an ethical dilemma.. do i call them out on what I know they arent telling me.... or do i just let them keep up the facade to feed their egoic needs???

[@laraoneal7284]

Carrie OConnell If this is a pattern that u pick up on and if u want to continue the so called relationship at all I would call them out on it.and observe their reaction which probably won’t be good. Then that should confirm you should go no contact and simply get out. It’s up to you and your level of tolerance for the toxic behavior. I guess what I’m saying is, if it were me I probably would disappear out of their lives gradually or even suddenly. That’s just me. I do alone really well. I don’t tolerate deception at all and omitting the truth by saying nothing is lying and betrayal to me. That is always a deal breaker for me. If u choose let me know how it goes. Best regards to you.

[@ThaleiaFantasy]

I agree, and I think that that is actually a large part of the "INFJ stare" thing; they sense that we know what they didn't want to tell us, and feel vulnerable without being able to make out logically why, because they never friggin' said it!

[@sandravovin]

Man, you're a pleasant person to watch.

[@FrankJames]

Thanks ;)

[@mistifa2908]

A couple of the things he mentioned remind me of "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds" (Phil 4:7) and "you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" (James 1:6).

[@jedsparks3868]

Some times it takes me 2 or 3 days by myself to recover & get myself spiritually straight.

[@jammieusa2566]

Date for a month. Recover for a year.

[@truthalwaysprevail2738]

@@jammieusa2566 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 facts

[@janakisubhadrapeyyety8445]

It takes me almost a week

[@destree6348]

Jed Sparks That's one thing I wish more people could understand about us. Like we can't just "get over it"

[@Immacuti3]

INFJ here. I feel we have a unique sense of humor..The candle and Advil bit lol. We love laughter Can you talk about our possessive/addictive behavior? Like how we can listen to the same song over and over and over again.

[@terezasmidova9765]

Miss Dee Haha the obsession with songs! At least for me personally music works as a tool to truly identify and feel my emotions - I can skip songs one after another and suddenly I find one which absolutely resonates my inner state (no matter if it's joy, confusion or whatever) so I start playing it on repeat for like days (literally). I guess my family or friends must hate the song quite fast, but I can't help it! 😂

[@Immacuti3]

Tereza Šmídová Same here! My obsession is a bit more extreme. I listen to the same songs repeatedly for years. Lol.

[@terezasmidova9765]

Miss Dee Alright so I'm officially not the only one! I'll try to set some long-term goals and see if I can reach your level 😅

[@susysnakegirl]

Great comment! I do that with songs and also subjects I am researching, for years on end. I just can't get enough. And also I can't get rid of my notes.

[@elbertcamerino9229]

yeah me too.

[@thereallaura4204]

The numbers of narcissists I've had to deal with... If I had a penny for each of them....

[@bookmouse770]

my advise is to hide from people when you can

[@FrankJames]

Ha ha, I'm already doing that

[@ChillyCorpse]

Word

[@sBaby-pd2lf]

Haha 👌

[@marleenhaze8773]

Yes, it really helps! (But I live in a college dorm with roommates... Sometimes there is nowhere to hide. And it's cold outside, I can't even go to parks anymore :'D)

[@Rinriji]

Yep doing that atm

[@KiRiMa64]

I'm distant and cold to the people who've continually BEYRAYED my trust; I'm happily done with those acquaintances! Adios!

[@lillysmith424]

Flush the globalists omg do you have a thing where you distance and they like get demoted from friend to aquaintance?

[@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983]

That seems to be a common thread with INFJs, when we are done, we are done. We feel absolutely no remorse for cutting people out of our lives when they cross the last line.

[@vshradha22]

@@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983 yes i did the same with a best friend of mine for 20+ years recently and two of my exes in the past too

[@marieindia8116]

@@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983 exactly and why should we feel remorse? No one else would have taken their crap the way we did. They burned their own bridges.

[@liam.4454]

I’m an infj but I’m not convinced I was ‘born this way’ A childhood of daily beatings and being screamed at was the reason I became intuitive and sensitive imho although I accept I could be wrong

[@starpower4842]

this!! sometimes when i look back at how i was as a child and compare it to now i see why i became intuitive and sensitive (like you said). Don't get me wrong i'm kinda glad to be an infj but sometimes i ask myself "how long am i going to keep forgetting myself?" sorry for my bad english

[@wilson8979]

Same. I had a lot of childhood trauma. That results in either narcissistic or empath

[@ultranoica]

When you live in an unsafe environment you get attuned to other's people thiniest communication in order to keep safe.

[@VengefulPolititron]

yep. I went through many types .. basically trauma changed me until I became the opposite think I was... INFP INFJ INTJ ENT ESTJ or I'm 3 of these.. just in different social settings.

[@VengefulPolititron]

mom.. co depentant aggressive guilt-tripping dad... covert narcissist Emotionally absent dismissive attachment traumatized

[@sleepydovah1057]

This hits home far too much for me. Sometimes I really really deeply hate being an INFJ. This whole dynamic makes me feel so closed off from people

[@Ephesians5-14]

Classic INFJ thing to say lol

[@-csotanypure-5106]

@@Ephesians5-14 this comment brings me down even more😂😂

[@marieindia8116]

You need to find a way to peace out more... You will be okay then.

[@MiaRose02]

Yea. It’s insane how much I can hate the way I think sometimes. While sometimes I love the way I think... so weird

[@lazyjane1223]

Could you agree it's exhausting being an INFJ? A fellow INFJ here myself.

[@destree6348]

hellojane I never understood why I always felt drained, not tired, and no one could understand that, until now

[@thirtythreeflavors]

All I want to do is sleep.

[@moon_card]

Idk, like it's so easy to guess things about people and to basically read them and get inside their shoes, and that's not my purpose, but something I am passionate about: helping people. The whole process really is rewarding, but also, so extremley draining. Kinda like You wanna lay in bed, but you don't wanna sleep. Like you need an emotional/social recharge, so you can try to feel for yourself...Idk...

[@keepinitkawaii]

Wow i agree

[@ccpr15]

Sometimes I fear I’m physically unhealthy because I feel drained. It’s exactly as you describe it, not tired, but drained. Just a short appointment to the dentist and talking to the staff will send me straight to bed for hours afterward.

[@faithworks217]

I had the privilege of meeting a darling INFJ man when I was 16. He was in his sixties, a Christian, and his name was Larry Anderson. I met him the day I relocated to a new foster home. He worked in a department store nearby and came to my foster mother's home for lunch and dinner during the week. He was a bachelor and wanted home-cooked meals. He must have been really desperate because she was an awful cook. After I politely choked down the dinner she cooked that first day, I never ate another of her meals again for the whole two years that I lived there. I always got myself something to eat and took it to my room. Larry came up behind me when I was sitting at the table that first day and affectionately squeezed the back of my neck. He was nearly knocked back by the wave of hatred and resentment he felt coming from me. He thought in shock, "Who hurt that girl?" Actually, it was someone I loved who got hurt by a man in his age group. I felt her pain and shame, as if it had been done to me, so I hated all men his age at that time in my life. He got my attention one day, though, when he was talking to my foster mother about the Christian sect in which he was raised. I was amazed. I was raised in the same sect and they did not have faith to believe for miracles. It was a really dull, boring, church where they made a big deal about how women should dress. Skirts had to be below the knee, no makeup, old fashioned hair styles. And they think they are the only true Christians, that all other churches are false. You couldn't get to Heaven, if you didn't go to their church. Larry experienced an astounding miracle of instant healing after a car accident in which his girlfriend's head was sheared off. He was thought to be dead and was being carried into a morgue when the ambulance guys saw him move his hand. They took him to the hospital and, because he wasn't expected to live, his badly lacerated face was stitched up clumsily, with big wads of skin sticking up. A week later, though, he saw Jesus come towards him as a bright light and he left the hospital that day, totally healed. He never had any plastic surgery, but he had no scars on his face, just faint red lines; I had to get two inches away from his face in order to see them. So I knew this about him and could hardly believe that he used to go to that stodgy church. He got away from it in his youth, though, and sowed his wild oats before that accident made him take life more seriously. He could not believe that I was raised in that church, too. I was rather worldly, into New Age beliefs, wore makeup and jeans (men's garments!). Was moody and not interested in what my Christian foster mother had to say about God or morals. Larry didn't believe that I went to that church until I recited the names of some of their "workers," which is what they call their preachers. Nobody would have ever heard of those people, unless they attended that church. Most people have never heard of the church because it doesn't have a name. So, when I realized that we had this in common, I was more open to what he had to say. Larry said that he could feel other people's emotions, even when he wasn't in the same room with them. I'd never heard of anyone like that before. I wasn't as sensitive as him, as I was a very self-centred teenager, but one time I overheard my foster mother talking to a friend on the phone and she put her foot in her mouth when she said, "Oh, well, I guess you have more luck than brains." I could feel the frost from that other woman coming over the phone line. Lol! I really wish I had taken the time to know Larry better back then. He was the sweetest, gentlest, most loving man I ever met up until that time in my life.

[@DearStephanieX]

" you used to listen to how my IBS affected my dating life...and now you don't even say hello"...I am in tears 😭😂

[@noneofyourbusiness3341]

Stephanie Murray lmfao!!!!!!!😂😂😂

[@rosieking383]

hahahahha

[@friendly76]

That was hilarious!!!

[@laraoneal7284]

Stephanie Murray Yes ppl are very disingenuous. Act like they care when really don’t. It really hurts when ur family r not there for u ever either. Went no contact with them many years ago. Seem to attract narcissists on whatever spectrum. Take care, sorry you’re being disappointed like this.

[@lcarlson6631]

Hahaha, that was awesome

[@kaleidojess]

I find that really hard to balance, and people don’t get it. Some days I’m really ready to talk, and other days I just need my space or to just not talk at all.

[@AmeatSauce]

KALEIDO jess omg yes girl same!! It’s such a struggle

[@deimantebruzaite5343]

I also strugling verbally, and I way better listener, than talker

[@NobodysFavourite]

As a 40 something year old INFJ mom of 3 … when I started my own family I learned pretty quick to set out boundaries with the people around me ( mostly my family of origin) who liked to dump on me…. er, I mean liked to have me listen to them. They did not like this. Not one bit. Haha! But you gotta do it! It gets easier once you start.

[@fowchiiiliedpuppiesdied]

Nice to hear from a fellow mid-life INFJ gal. Couldn’t agree more…

[@earthatom7]

I withdrew for years... Now I know how to open the door but leave the screen closed lol

[@susnatabhowmik1465]

We Infjs are the most emotional unemotional person.. N:B: - I'm a female INFJ...

[@Toshella]

I have often wanted to say to others "I'm the most empathetic sociopath you'll ever meet" Cuz while I can feel others emotions and deeply feel my own, sometime I just don't. It's like I switch off my emotions (or at least dampen them) until I can fully recharge them again

[@bwmanhath3770]

@@Toshella that's the perfect description. Feel so disconnected to everyone including myself sometimes, but also incredibly empathetic.

[@Harukaluin19]

@@Toshella exactly me but recently I learned HOW to switch my feelings off ,cuz it laterly usually happens at random I'm invincible now baby ; ]

[@diana5616]

@@bwmanhath3770 perfect description

[@silentshadow3894]

Something that really bothers me is when I tell people I constantly feel the need to fix people and everyone’s pain basically becomes mine and they say that they understand because they used to be like that. I just can’t fathom getting over that feeling and I don’t see how they think they understand because of that.

[@laraoneal7284]

Your facial expressions are very sardonic without even trying. It cracks me up. I’ve been told that I am very childlike. I say yea I’m raising me. Constantly asking questions and learning and growing.

[@nvericks617]

didn't think it was sardonic,he did seem panged about the entire ordeal....for me it was more like "you poor man,let me give you a hug"

[@chelseastarry5093]

"I'm raising me" ...lol . Exactly how I feel

[@deimantebruzaite5343]

I am also childlike and still love watching animated movies, fairytales, playing video games, daydreaming, listening Ne like songs and that actually feeding my Ni, but I am also have very serious side of me and executing my goals into action

[@aeonsarker1997]

I am 25, but people still ask me if I am a school going girl or not

[@tiraluvr941]

THANK YOUUUUUUUU

[@DaphneSCosmeticSnob]

4:34 I have this ESFP friend who ALWAYS calls me to spout her problems at me "because you're a good listener". I noticed the best way to avoid this topic of conversation is by complaining before she starts to complain.

[@ttuanmu]

Daphne S Because I’m a good listener doesn’t mean I’m obligated listening to them, giving free therapy. Go pay a therapist. Yeah, right there, my cold side is showing.

[@Keepmeinstitches]

I had a friend like this and I mean this when I say it-be careful! Protect your energy. Save it for yourself. Once we got into a massive fight and made up, but agreed to just stay distant friends, I felt so much better! I have so much energy, I started working out more and making time to read and write. I also don’t feel too drained to talk to my mom or sister. It is really sad but some people are just like leeches and suck the life out of you. Please just be mindful. If they aren’t giving you any of that energy back, maybe you are better off without them.

[@rn2511]

🤣 this made me laugh. What a strategy.

[@foottoast4235]

@@ttuanmu Literally what i've been thinking all month! Like, atleast pay me if the only reason you talk to me is to vent about problems that you seem to cause yourself!

[@michelacherchi]

And when you do, magically they try to cut the conversation, especially, if they are on the phone and they have it more simple to cut it, because is no more: "I complain and you listen, and cheers for me", is the: "you are complaining, when I was searching you for doing the same, and don't want to hear you complaining when I want to do the same but you listening!"😅💁🏻‍♀️ ✨fucking bullshitters😈✨

[@americaisdead9879]

I've been telling people this for years. I feel what everyone is feeling. Just going outside sucks sometimes. It's tiring emotionally!!! Spot on. Thank you.

[@starfish7016]

“This person is listening to me I feel listened to” and “they don’t STOP” ommmg yesss 😂😭 so draining

[@ruthjones5557]

This explains why I prefer to spend time with people who share their positive experiences and feelings. It’s a bit like getting my own energy recharged just by tuning into their positive emotional state. And it also explains why I have developed a strong spiritual path through Buddhism and meditation. I have to meditate twice a day otherwise I can’t function properly. Before I took up meditation I used to withdraw and spend long periods of time alone. People think I’m weird for spending so much time alone. They don’t understand how much energy I absorb from being out in the world.

[@carleighrice8891]

I've been wanting to learn how to meditate but I don't know how to.

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

@@carleighrice8891 Besides reading and watching videos, it's important to know there's no right way. That sitting with crossed leg thing? Not necessary. You can meditate lying down. You can say mantras to yourself and benefit like someone calling their attention back to their in and out breath (the way that most start or do). You can watch an ant build its abode (buy and ant farm). You can lie in bed and contemplate the swirled effect of your ceiling if you have that sort of ceiling. You can lie down wherever you have the ability to see the sky through the leaves of a tree. You can watch clouds. You can take a good, deep spiritual book into the bath and let your mind get lost on some point that calls to you and after a while you might find that the water has grown cold and you haven't been thinking--you've been just existing in absolute peace. You can do walking meditation where you stay focused on every step. You can walk Labyrinths (build your own if you have a back garden). You can do yoga if that works for you. The point to meditating is to learn to stay in the present moment and the act of meditating should feel like a mini vacation. This means finding ways to meditate that work for you. A lot of what you see is one size fits all. Find what fits for you.

[@tiffanyperson3474]

"Absorbing other people's emotions" - especially negative ones, and always without really trying to - is a more accurate description of what, in the past, I've referred to as "the pain of existence." It's the main reason I don't want to have kids: not only would I be absorbing the negative emotions arounds me, but I know I would hurt with all the slights and injustices they'd encounter and it would become an unbearable load of suffering. Tried explaining this to my ESFP mother. She did not get it...

[@waverlyshegoes]

I can see why. I think I absorbed so much pain and anger a few months ago, it's been hard to function. I need to release it, which helps through writing/talking. Obviously if I could talk to the person who caused it, it would help. But I know that is not happening. I tried many times. Being outside in nature can be helpful, but I still need wide open spaces.

[@misspriss2482]

Yes. I have been told more than once that I would make a good counselor because I have a lot of insight into people and their motivations, I'm a good listener, and I am genuinely interested in all people. Also, people pretty much instantly trust me. However, I know myself well enough to know that there is no way I could be a professional counselor. I would take all of that pain home with me and I would never sleep. I literally feel people's emotions and cry with them. I could not go through that on a daily or weekly basis.

[@ElusvOptmst1]

You are right about listening to others, and then not getting any feedback with regards to our own problems. Someone told me its because I seem very independent and self-sufficient, or display these actions. Maybe this is part of our problem too. Since no one understands our personality type they assume we can solve our own problems without feedback from others. I think we are private or reserve and others notice this and are afraid to approach us, because of it. We have to open up about ourselves more and its hard at times for me, because of negative experiences from others we trust or thought was trustworthy. People take my kindness and sometimes throw it back into my face in a projecting way. Like what I have done for them was really nothing special, when it was. Hurtful people enjoy hurting kind-hearted authentic individuals because they become jealous of us because they cannot see or feel what we feel. Its a complex but real situation for us. Especially when you live with toxic people. I try to maintain a positive attitude because my nature is a harmonious one and others have called me a goody-two-shoes and such, but I realize that its okay to be me. If they don't like me that is their problem, not mine. I have learned this later in life. Yes I can be cold at times because I cannot fix everyone's problems and when I help them they do not appreciate it or act like what I did or say did not affect them in anyway, especially when the outcome is positive for them, or did not take my advise when their outcome was wrong and I was right! lol We have a right to be cold or distant at times, its for self-preservation and nothing is wrong with that. (sorry for the rant people...) Peace! :-)

[@697_]

Often, I find when I actually get someone to listen, I am answering my own questions with the best possible solutions or defeating every one of their suggestions with walls that I can already foresee happening. It's probably for the best that we do think for ourselves. The difference comes when it's something practical. Like, if I am hungry, I can ask someone for food. That is easily understood and I can get food without any serious thought about it. What we need emotionally or psychologically (answers to life questions or even relationship advice) we can't take what others say as better than what we know about ourselves. So, how can other people help us? Alot of the time most people help themselves just by talking about it instead of keeping it inside their heads. It just helps to have someone to listen as it's usually awkward to do it alone, even though that could help, too.

[@LLawlietXD]

I too feel the same, particularly in relationships where the person is initially attracted to my 'warmth and kindness' but they almost don't seem to expect that I too have feelings and problems. I only share them with those I trust but overtime it becomes overbearing for them (yet it's second nature for me to listen to their feelings) and that hurts. I always say 'I can deal with other people's feelings but not mine.'

[@Ephesians5-14]

ElusvOptmst1 totally resonate with everything you stated

[@carlyletom301]

Your lenghty explaination is most likely the reason why my circle of friends more resembles a very short arc.

[@KingsDaughter1988]

Carlyle Tom funny, but totally true. Perfectly resonates with me.

[@VeganYogaMama]

I like to call it the ice princess.

[@FrankJames]

Can I be a princess?

[@ufewl]

or ice cream cornetto

[@diatomshells]

Idk I disagree. I’m not cold, I just know when it’s time to be attentive, when it’s time to move on, or when impasses reveal themselves. Timing. Some of the world lives in the past not realizing the future is already here. It envelops these people in sand as they lie in statuesque composures. It is THE most valuable commodity because it is so limited to us all. I can never take it for granted again.

[@MrsLoonatic]

same haha

[@goldenpoochyena4278]

Frank James why not be an ice king?!

[@santiagoscho]

"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are." - Marcus Aurelius

[@orestessetsero8596]

And we never forget...

[@brooklynitec6888]

Orestes Setsero Ever!!

[@jennievefadda1207]

Never forget anything ever ever ever.

[@dianasthings729]

And if someone breaks my heart.... its devastating.

[@etuffmen]

OMG I literally remember everything my wife has everror told me.

[@MP16298]

Never has a channel explained me so well as this 😯

[@Snuuy143]

When I get cold I feel SO guilty for what I’m doing like AHHHHH I’m sorry for being mean to you but I really would like to be alone right now!

[@maxkojin]

What sucks Is when you do that to a friend you want to date

[@uwusmolbean]

Stay frosty, my friends...

[@derrencewashington2668]

oryray amenay 🥶🌬❄️☃️

[@dianasthings729]

LOL that was funny

[@Lalala-of5dp]

That was funny😂😂 But agree💙🥶

[@neri1220]

Nice one! I love it!

[@loganberinger1142]

It takes days for me to recharge. Even my mom asks where I've been I haven't seen you in like 4 days.

[@rn2511]

Logan Beringer lol yes the mums. I traveled for 2 days and when I got back home I really wanted to be in a black room for 1 month lol. My mum kept calling and asking if I’m fine and why I’m hard to reach. Um lol I over did it and hit my month limit in 2 days and now I don’t want human interaction unless absolutely necessary.

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

I learned long ago that this is what I could handle outside of work in terms of social interaction: church once a week, dinner out with close friends, lunch out with close friends. If something else was on for the week, one of those things had to go. I'm an extroverted INFJ and that's all I could handle. Had I been a teacher, it would have been one thing mainly; however, I worked in an office where I could close the door and just get on with my work most of the time.

[@Rav3r916]

This is definitely true. I'd like to think that I'm a cat, always napping. The chaos of reality is exhausting and heavy .

[@hb6839]

The thing you talked about at 3:15 is soo true. I find myself absorbing all their negative emotions and find myself feeling drained and low and everything bad. I want them to feel like they're understood, but at the same time I don't want them to keep dumping all their trash. And when I've finally had enough- I'd probably seem cold to them cause I'm avoiding them to recuperate. Perhaps considering not even associating with them that much anymore.

[@hb6839]

I hate to write comments, let alone "essay" comments lol but I felt like I needed to be understood on this or I'll just be confused. Can anyone else relate to this?

[@Rae_Ritchie_Illustration]

This is my life to a T. If I get dumped on long enough, one morning I wake up and say, "Wow, my battery is completely drained," as if it comes out of nowhere. Then, I avoid the friend that's draining me, and am perceived as cold. For me, I think it's a failure on my end to confront the situation and inform the person they are being an emotional vampire....though that can be a difficult interaction....I totally understand Eros!

[@noneofyourbusiness3341]

Eros L yeah I'm like this with my mother in law

[@rachelellis4037]

SO true!!!! I've felt this too!

[@alisonhenley1365]

I have this problem as well. I've lost so many friends due to it. I kinda just shut down emotionally.

[@bassgirl1228]

I just want to say thank you for posting all of these. I’ve literally spent my whole life suffering because of who I am. My own family didn’t understand me and hated my personality. I was always weird and too emotional and just not accepted at all. I’ve cried several times watching your videos because for the first time in my life I feel like someone understands me. Not only that, but that there are more people like me and that it’s perfectly ok to be who I am. And just to see it in a positive light is truly amazing and freeing. I’ve never felt this way before and I am so thankful for you. I feel like you have unlocked a huge piece of my heart that I always thought was a weakness. I see now it can definitely be a strength. Keep being great and wonderful. 😊

[@Alicioussness]

💗💗✨🌸✨💗💗

[@lovedalot]

I’ve completely cut ppl out of my life “door slam” from them calling me to much and bitching bitching bitching how bad everything is to where I can’t take it anymore

[@nancyneyedly4587]

I do it too, the door slam. I call them energy vampires, and slamming the door on them is the best. When we can literally feel peoples energy, we can't allow negative energy around us, because it can't be overlooked like some people can do, because we feel it whether we want to or not.

[@billybirch2087]

That crazy pills joke made me fart and laugh simultaneously

[@stonebridgeoxfordhoa2829]

As an ISFJ, I totally relate to needing "alone time" to recharge. Especially after being in a crowd of extroverts for an extended period, because I can feel them taking my energy, and it leaves me exhausted.

[@Minh4x]

Like I swear my family are always telling me that I don’t care for anything when I don’t panic when they panic and I’m like I’ve already predicted what will happen and we’ll be fine just let me be.

[@robertjohnson4401]

As an INFJ-T, I know a lot about the battery draining down. It has been two years since dating, fully recharged and now I can contemplate starting up again. No sense in wasting a full battery.

[@LoveAndSnapple]

“Low-battery mode”

[@ladylulu462]

I believe that my inability to set boundaries in the past had to do with my programming. Those that have suffered childhood traumas/had co-dependent/alcoholic parents are going to have to do a lot of reprogramming in order to have healthy relationships. I found myself getting into relationships with covert narcissists & they were a mirror to show me how to love myself unconditionally. On a more lighthearted note... you crack me up totally!

[@ArtistaGirl192]

Lady Lulu You took words out of my mouth. Setting boundaries was (and still is) my hardest part of truly growing up.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

I'm so happy you've done reprogramming. I also had an alcoholic father and also a very anxious mother (still is). A brother that was absent and didn't get me, and a circle of friends that I was bullied by but stuck around and got into illegal shit with them until late adolescence/early adulthood. For the past year almost I've been reading and doing therapy (on and off) as well as daily meditation (thanks to Headspace app which makes it easy). Most recently have started trauma therapy in hoping to rewire the brain because let me tell you guys, as INFJs (especially INFJ-T like myself) if we had our past since small babies full of almost non-stop adversities, then it's very hard for us (it's already hard for a trauma-free-ish INFJ) to balance our emotional side when we're being hurt :( We need to work on building inside of us the parents that we lacked which were supposed.to be there always for and support us. I recommend two books: 1) The Emotionally Absent Mother and 2) The Unavailable Father

[@anilpanchal7315]

I've been there. Still healing and reprogramming my brain.

[@Bayoubebe]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@haechan_dream3373]

Lady Lulu I agree I’ve have several traumatic experiences not only in my childhood but as an adolescent. All of my struggles have impacted my life but I’m basically ignoring my past. I don’t think about it throughout my daily life bc even if I do there’s nothing I can do to change it. So I’ve basically come to terms that no one will ever understand me. I’m hoping one day I’m able to open myself up to someone but doubt that day will come anytime soon.

[@akeishawolfe2335]

I am often described as being cold because I shut ppl off emotionally to recuperate.

[@AnPrudentia]

The coldness/ruthless/blunt part comes into effect when I have pushed myself far beyond my own limits. Usually when I wake up and don't recognize myself anymore. (Eventually you lose sight of your own emotions amongst the sea of emotions we absorb.) And you're right about the resentment. You can't help but start to wonder why you can't "selfish." And yeah you feel bad about it, and will usually push yourself even further. Eventually there comes the shut down/door slam as many will put it. The degree of this is dependent on the situations in play. If the people around you are understanding to a degree, chances are the results are simply you disappearing for a period of time to process and reflect on the time since your last recharge. But if the situation involves a person who is in the least bit hostile towards your decision to recharge, such as expecting you to continue to be their own person sounding board, especially in a disrespectful way, then the INFJ can be ruthless. We understand people. We want to help them, make them feel safe. So we tend to be the vaults to their deepest thoughts/feelings. But what most tend to not take notice to is the world needs balance. The INFJ, who by default, care about people as a whole, also understand emotions at much deeper level than most. Emotions to an INFJ are in concept, are nothing more that "chemical reactions". And we know exactly which of a person's personal catalysts are needed to create the exact emotional reaction we want them to feel. So all that stuff you shared with them, that they used to comfort you and lift you up with, is now the same things they will use to emotionally destroy you. As someone else put it once, a double sided sword , put in the hands of an emotional ninja. Now like I said this it the last thing an INFJ wants, and will do everything in their power to avoid it. But even we have a breaking point. And contrary to what many may think, we are in fact not just overly sensitive cry babies, who will just take whatever the world thinks it can throw at them. The whole Fe side of us is for the sake of those around us. Something warmly inviting, that people can feel safe within. And with the natural urge to want to save the world, we are usually more than happy to be that sanctuary. But we are also analytical. We calculate just as much as INTJs. Only our thinking isn't out in the open like the INTJs. No we hide it next to our high intuition, continuously making note of all the things that make those around us tick. And as a self defense mechnism, we will put on an "INTJ" mask, cold and seemingly inhuman. Sorry for the long post, just wanted to shed some light on what the workings below the surface of an INFJ. That even though we naturally want to build people up, and may come off as weak because we feel and understand emotions, we choose to let people see that side of us. We are system builders, and our building blocks are "people." But to truly build something wonderful, you have to truly understand everything about what you are building with, including what will destroy it.

[@ShawnDavid91]

*laughs in hidden*

[@vanessaworrier4516]

"A double-sided sword, put in the hands of an emotional ninja" Yeah, that's definitely me.

[@Fangirl_dd]

Ooof me

[@scottkraft1062]

I feel people's emotions through their eyes like suffering, confusion and especially anger I never knew why until recently and always thought I was here for others and not myself.

[@katrina2931]

I’ve been so stuck in that drained state for so long. I’m practically a hermit now.

[@GalleriaBuzz]

The thing you're saying about running out of battery is completely right. I have learned to deal with it by giving people a general direction of guidance rather than to trying to give them the complete answer all the time, In a way I find it is better because people forget most of the advice we give them or dont follow it but if we give them a bigger picture advice they're more likely to remember the main message. Maybe that's just me telling myself that but Its important keep some of our battery. Ill only give full on advice when I am completely at 100 percent and can spare 50% of it.

[@FrankJames]

Yeah I think that is sound advice to only give when we can. But sometimes you get cornered!

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

@@FrankJames happens to me with an INTP-A at work and then he uses this at lunch to bully me by making various acidic comments knowing I'm not reacting. I once went full on cold for an entire day and damn he was confused as he often looks towards me when he feels insecure or needs validation. I told him to stop with the bad jokes, he has mildly done it again today (to test the ground) and if he'll do it next then I'll simply isolate him out and will eventually involve HR for harassment if he won't stop. This is, I think, what we struggle to develop: our voice and to stand up for our hurt feelings. 💚

[@milkyjoe910]

Anyone else cry when your in a crowd that starts clapping and cheering? I feel overwhelmed and it comes out as crying 😂

[@bestbirdbuds6746]

Yeah I do that in my choir concerts or in any performance I watch

[@breathedeep2060]

Absolutely! It makes me crazy. It’s impossible to control sometimes.

[@s_carab]

YES!!!!! Why do I cry when I hear people sing?

[@gwen8718]

Wow. I never equated this to INFJ. I thought I was just whacked- as usual. 🥴

[@TraceyanneMcCartney]

So true. Not many people around me are into spiritual things. Meanwhile, I smudge, visualise, use candles/scents, lighting, etc, to lift my mood...be myself again, alone. They're like 'oh, it's Trace, she's into weird stuff like that.' I find it weird they're not. Lol. I need it soooooooo much. I couldn't function if I didn't have various forms of spiritualism in my life. It's grounding...brings peace...I find myself again after the 'real' of the day-to-day. Creativity too, even if just mentally, does the same, delivers serenity, quietens everything, I can breathe again - be healed.

[@mariamilingou8217]

I've learned that my battery is being easily exhausted,I've learned that some people that are all talk and no content drain me and I've learned that it's vital to shut that door. As I can sence super easily what a person is all about I love raising my wall of ice early enough to keep me sane and efficiently enough to see them standing there being unable to penetrate all this ice.

[@dzara156]

We are advanced bs detectors. Gotta put the wall up when we sense superficial people

[@sarahlang7724]

Great video.I agree with you,we can be "cold" sometimes as self protection!

[@kristenjames1919]

As an INFJ, I found my spirituality through a relationship with Jesus. I'm so thankful for the way I feel connected to God and I know He hears me and answers my prayers. He has helped me overcome many difficult emotional things and I am at a much healthier place in life. I have experienced a deep connection with His spirit during prayer. He has loved me well.

[@DrArleezahMarrah]

Amen. Jesus and the Holy Spirit are my best friends and I don’t really talk to people about my experiences since He understands it all. He also gives me dreams and visions as warnings or a heads up and to bring me peace. Lastly, worship, prayer praise and reading the Word of God and focusing on Jesus Christ has also help me find that He is truly the Prince of peace.

[@tonialee3649]

Jesus is the only one here for me every single time. It's been this way since I was three, and now I am 50 and I'm still only have one person to turn to . When he laughs at me I can't help but laugh at myself too lol.

[@vynenash9096]

Amen

[@katkins7948]

Ironic point- so we like authenticity and conversations with depth. Well, other than just shutting people out to self preserve, i have developed (work in progress) the ability to have more superficial conversation. I see it as a practical way to connect on a safe level. It is also practical because i care that others feel comfortable so i TRY to meet them where they are at. I just know that i won't get real close to them because i don't live in shallow water. I don't fit, I'm like a whale in a kiddy pool. Not happenin.

[@laurenm2000]

Katkin S I really like your metaphor about not living in shallow water.

[@teresacarle294]

💦🐳 Well said.

[@ttuanmu]

Totally relatable... totally...

[@jaifyre702]

The infamous door slam. I had no idea why I was that way until I learned about being this personality type. When I was a teenager I would shut my mom out so bad that she took me to therapy and cried about how cold I was. It really shook me to my core because my mom was a ruler with an iron fist. But when you don't exist to me, you just don't 🥱

[@fowchiiiliedpuppiesdied]

Nice work on your Mom, there, fellow INFJ. She sounds as though she may have been a bit controlling, and you taught her a much needed lesson. Hope it wasn’t too painful, for you, however.

[@silkysmooth-vk2ux]

100

[@anuththararanaweera2785]

As INFJ, I agree with your video. The facts are true and very clear about INFJ's coldness.....🖤 Nice work mate

[@FrankJames]

Thank you 🙌

[@wickedglassbears]

I’m an INFJ with a narcissistic father so it helped me see through the users and only surround myself with genuine people.

[@jaysmusic7729]

Wow me too…really

[@aguona6077]

Me too! Only I had to first go through a relationship with another narcissist to get my eyes opened

[@elizabethfaith5064]

The best personality type, although it is very exhausting but as you get older you are able to balance all those things...I have noticed at least! I still wouldn't change a thing! I find self confidence in the ability the Lord gives me to stay kind, although not appreciated by others. What keeps me going on giving myself to others is that the Lord sees it all and its all for His glory. Do onto others... but I do feel I am such an easy target for people to be jealous of me...it sucks because I am nothing spectacular to be jealous of and it gets in the way of making real friendships...It is hard for me to get close to or to trust someone who is jealous of me...and so there is a hindrance there. I want to believe Yeshua, Jesus, was an INFJ. I also think it has been noted somewhere. Christ a lot of the times had to leave the large crowds to escape and just pray. And He was cold and blunt to those Pharisees. He saw right through people...in a super natural way.

[@Neptuneman07]

Same thing goes for Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King Jr.

[@dearako3704]

we have the same perspective, that's how I see myself now

[@VirtuousLady48]

I always read her was infp

[@manmanman4825]

Jesus clearly was INRI

[@rosechild3118]

@@manmanman4825 best comment ever!!

[@hamna2965]

Man I’m awestruck to how you define me so accurately like can you see me? Wait.........there are more here? Shit.

[@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983]

That's a mood and a half

[@TheHorrorExperiment]

It's funny, I too have been becoming more spiritual but I've noticed that my "Friends" have been dumping on spirituality ever since I mentioned it to them and I respect their beliefs but for some reason they can't seem to respect mine.

[@YIEB16]

I'm so happy that I checked out this KZbin Chanel, you're helping a lot thank u

[@FrankJames]

Happy to hear that!

[@YIEB16]

Om-:0 thank you so much! You best boy

[@hudaadam1508]

Me tooooo

[@deannadolan5119]

I used to get frustrated with people who are prone to emotionally dumping because they never seem to consider that they are just one out of many people doing that. Now that I'm better at setting boundaries, I don't feel as drained.

[@rebecam5349]

When you said "the world takes but it never gives" i felt that

[@ranniamavrantza1384]

I also believe that it is also exhausting for us to set healthy boundaries. Because when we do so, we overanalyze the consequences of this action. For example, what will happen after having set our limits; are we going to hurt people's feelings? Are we going to lose our job? Maybe we don't set our limits without any (even slight) inner guilt...

[@fowchiiiliedpuppiesdied]

When you get older, this changes.

[@emmarae4322]

I think the cold comes from us being very logical too. Most see us as very caring and pushovers, but when our logical brain kicks in when being mistreated the coldness protects our emotional side. Empathy is NOT a weakness.❤

[@kritikagurung]

me says something "fact" about others: my friend: that's kinda rude me for the rest of the day: "was i?? am i a bad person??? i said i wanted to be kind!?!?! why did i said that??"

[@LLawlietXD]

omgsh, this video couldnt have come at a better time (just stumbled on your channel). I've been going out and socialising for weeks (new job, new apartment, new city, new friends) and yesterday I found myself in the middle of a busy party just not wanting to talk to anyone anymore. I felt so bad for not being able to carry a conversation with anyone especially because normally I love meeting and interacting with new people...but I just felt so empty last night - I literally went to sit alone in the corner. It was bizarre and I think some people noticed... which I rather they didn't :') I feel like I looked too inconsistent with how I normally am, if that makes sense...

[@FrankJames]

Yes! Because an INFJ is normally kind of talkative--but we hit that wall and need to stop for awhile. Glad you stumbled on my channel! Thanks for commenting, and stick around!

[@argosfe7445]

We feel even if we don't want to and it can drive us crazy. That's why we can't be with people for too long because it NEVER. EVER. STOP. You explain it so well.

[@mookreddix4601]

This is crazy i just explored this channel and i never thought there was other ppl like me and i love it

[@merrisengal9133]

Sometimes we are a little cold and they be like "you've changed" ,"I never thought you'd be like that!" "do you even have a heart?" And sometimes it really hurts hearing it but we just smile anyways..

[@Rand0m113s]

I have 2 kids …..that are 7 and 8….and absorbing all their frustrations…anger….and suffering….throughout…the day….is exhausting

[@himborat855]

Damn I didn't know how much I missed my best friend watching this. He's not INFJ I am but he's ENFP and has always made me feel comfortable to vent from time to time. And then I'd have him vent to me from time to time. And we just talked about almost anything. He was a good friend and understood when I needed space and has always shared this fun, and well just bright energy that made me feel safe. He dropped out some months ago due to some issues that I'd rather not say and I haven't been able to talk to him. I'm on lockdown and he is barely online.

[@NosesDea]

Oh you're so lucky! So 5 months have passed.. I hope you guys talk again?

[@messythoughts9116]

hopefully everything will be better in the future for you ❤️

[@ryekatsumi1132]

That's so sadd, hope u're still talking with him tho.

[@michaelgoins1886]

Just a tip from a life long INFJ... setup an emotional limit or boundary. When someone crosses that boundary turn off your ability to absorb emotions as fast as you can. I do it by bring up a dark memory. It instantly turns me cold.. and it will stay off until the memory fades..works like a charm everyday.. hope this helps. For anyone that says that’s not a good idea, then maybe you like taking 2 weeks to get over an hour of someone emotional dumping on you.

[@lisas_online]

I’m at a dangerously low battery level that i wasn’t even aware of till I heard you describe it. I’ve been door slamming non stop for 2 weeks. I wonder if I’ll ever have time to really recharge