History Hijinks: Rome's Crisis of the Third Century

[@facundocadaa9020]

Thumbnail: "Rome's big crisis" Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?

[@stephenflint3640]

It kinda helps when you remember that through all of the other crisis, Rome at least had a constant semblance of regularity. The 3rd Century Crisis on the other hand, nothing was stable, constant, or regular outside the biological and celestial norms.

[@15oClock]

Rome is just one giant crisis, floating through life.

[@nothisispatrick4644]

Rome is like a cockroach, no matter how much you hit the little shit, it just refuses to stay down. And the moment it starts flying, everyone starts screaming.

[@facundocadaa9020]

@@nothisispatrick4644 that's actually a pretty good analogy. Fuck the golden eagles, let's make golden cockroaches

[@shanedoesyoutube8001]

@@facundocadaa9020 and then as a consequence people tend to mistake Roman imagery with the Egyptian one

[@Oculunus]

Aurelian: "Your free trial of 'localised governments' has expired" Diocletian: "Well, I would like to purchase the full package then"

[@artofthepossible7329]

And then proceeded to make the state so absolute you would mistake it for the USSR.

[@MarkusAldawn]

@@artofthepossible7329 I just like the idea of that happening to the USSR. Wonder what would have happened? Equal bets on the USSR collapsing into dozens of new states (enjoy, UN!), surviving the fall of communism as a united country because the swing against the USSR was also towards unity, or the USSR surviving into the 21st century.

[@carso1500]

@@MarkusAldawn i mean the USSR collapsing into múltiple states already kinda happened, that one is our timeline

[@MarkusAldawn]

@@carso1500 true, but I mean more "Russia isn't a country anymore, the krais, okrugs, and republics are independent countries," and a thing maybe still called Russia that's mostly west of the Urals

[@juniorqindes8335]

@@MarkusAldawn don’t bother with Markus, he’s an idiot who supports homophobes and helps them to bash gays for having different opinions

[@alang6300]

Rome: Holy shit how many more problems can the world throw at us? Attackers from All Of The Frontiers: 🎵 Could I interest you in everything all of the time? 🎵

[@AegixDrakan]

♪ Debasing is a tragedy and treason is a criiiime! ♪

[@bartoszkosmowski7149]

@@CycloneAbsol You know, it wasn't always like this

[@chawk6201]

@@CycloneAbsol Right before the Empire fell, circa '95

[@Tartar]

@@CycloneAbsol Right before the republic fell, circa '99

[@chawk6201]

@@CycloneAbsol And we set our sights, and picked our fights, with you....

[@utubrGaming]

"So, what do you do?" "The Praetorian Guard exists because some corrupt and morally corroded individuals wish to harm the Emperor!" "Who?" "The Praetorian Guard!"

[@GerryBolger]

Praetoriae Delenda Est!

[@utubrGaming]

@@GerryBolger Based and Dovahpilled

[@krankarvolund7771]

And later, the Jannissaries did the same in the Ottoman empire ^^

[@paulgibbon5991]

Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!

[@OljeiKhan]

@@krankarvolund7771 Well what can we say , i guess our ancestors were just THAT good at copying Romans 😎

[@baronofbahlingen9662]

Reading about the crisis of the third century you increasingly begin to ask “what kind of terrible writer would have this comedically many bad things happen? This is just depressing” but then you remember it actually happened.

[@connormclernon26]

George R R Martin?

[@utubrGaming]

"Just then when they finally had a competent, charismatic emperor... he got assassinated" "And the moment when the corrupt emperor was killed... another province rebelled and claimed an emperor of their own" "And just when that province was pacified... another tribe of barbarians crossed the borders" "And just when the barbarians were pacified, the general was declared emperor"

[@amienabled6665]

I feel the same writer for the crisis also wrote the fall of the west and roman history from 602 - 814

[@christianweibrecht6555]

If you want to learn about a similar while even more ridiculous s*** show I recommend watching the Kings and generals videos about the lead up to the 4th crusade. The summary is that the East Roman empire was constantly stabbing itself whenever it was not Fighting it's neighbors

[@markb6978]

@@christianweibrecht6555 I mean that’s just a regular Tuesday for Byzantium.

[@tntguardian6455]

"Taxidermied with gold" *OSP: COMING UP WITH NEW WAYS TO MEME OVER PEOPLE'S DEATHS FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT*

[@tntguardian6455]

@@AxxLAfriku a KZbin comment section might not be the best place for this mate. You might want to find help where people are less likely to ridicule you

[@tntguardian6455]

@@AxxLAfriku Also, posting said problem onto another person's comment isn't very nice either

[@mirjanbouma]

@@tntguardian6455 don't bother, they're a troll who is trying to get attention.

[@theevilmoppet]

@@tntguardian6455 they do stuff like this on so many videos I've seen that I'm half convinced it's just a bot doing it, except normally the comments are more overt just "WATCH MY VIDEOS I'M THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD"

[@tntguardian6455]

@@theevilmoppet shame I can't delete it though

[@toocoldforyouhere8353]

Rome is constantly on fire, sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally, sometimes both

[@dr.velious5411]

The more things change the more they stay the same huh.

[@Lemuel928]

Nero did it.

[@masterluxu1]

If blue sees this it’s getting a heart ❤️ from the creator

[@cam4636]

The original Hot Mess(TM)

[@pikmaniac2643]

Sounds like California

[@atharvathakore4759]

I love that in the title he had to specify that it was Romes crisis in the third century. You know, as to not confuse it with all the other times Rome was in a crisis.

[@BradyPostma]

Some people specify the Great Depression of 1929 because several prior economic crises in the USA were also called "the Great Depression" by people who lived through them. Humans love sequels. See also: World War 2.

[@paulgibbon5991]

@@BradyPostma We were going to have a third, but it got stuck in development hell, then the USSR pulled out of the production and left it kind of floundering.

[@BradyPostma]

@@paulgibbon5991 lol!

[@mawile3037]

All of a sudden all the comical portrayals of Roman leaders in Fate/Grand Order makes so much sense

[@typacsk]

Or the other crises going on in the third century (the wars between the Three Kingdoms in China, fragmentation and instability in India--with a Sassanid invasion for good measure--the Mayan "Preclassic collapse," etc.) ;)

[@NOIDEAIWILLJUSTUSEHAILEYIGUESS]

Blue: "And no I'm NOT talking about the Byzantines, because I'm not looking to cry" Me: Already crying.

[@hwlsgrl]

Why ???

[@VanteTheOne]

@@hwlsgrl The Byzantines (Eastern Romans after Rome fell in 457) as OSP describes it "The Golden Disaster Empire" Basically the Byzantine Empire is just a spiral of falling down stairs for 1000 years straight and getting blown up. Sure it did make a comeback but usually it lasted 1 emperor before it was back to getting kicked down the stairs.

[@joshuawilliams8921]

“Lets make the problem the solution” most Roman thing ever

[@MattMorency]

I mean, the USA copied it with federalism.

[@gingermcgingin4106]

EVERYBODY copies Rome. It was arguably the pinnacle of human civilization, only really rivald by China.

[@mawile3037]

@@gingermcgingin4106 I was watching the " who Italy's geography got nerfed " video earlier today and using the video game Civilization as the map content and the terminology of that game, and I was like, doesn't matter that they got nerfed in the late game when they won a culture victory during the Renaissance, like, aqueduct is used by every civ in the game with the exception of Rome that gets a fancier version with " the Baths " like, if that doesn't say that Romans invented plumbing idk what does, and then you get the various Romance languages which are all offshoots from Latin, like, just the amount of influence the Romans had on society. . . .but anyway you get the point

[@chris2thejmedia]

*Death:* It's time to go *SPQR:* Was I a good Empire? *Death:* You could've been better *SPQR:* CHALLENGED ACCEPTED *sucker-punches death to wait it's turn*

[@laurynwalton]

“Wait, my daughter. Before I go, tell me… was I a good man?” “… … uhmmmm…. Good is a subjective term.” -Studio C

[@daedalus4748]

Death: Wait what?

[@CollinMcLean]

Death returning:Challenge failed, let's go I want to clock out early so I can make my son's ballet recital...

[@RainaRamsay]

+

[@lenrat117]

Death: time to go....what the fuck is this? Cut to Russia and the Ottomans holding the corpse of the Roman Empire up like weekend at Bernie’s.

[@55Ironside]

"Rome would die, but not yet" As long as it lives in our hearts, it's alive.

[@loug1016]

*stabs the heart. as is the roman way*

[@cam4636]

Much like heartworms

[@morganrobinson8042]

I just learned I care less about the fall of Rome, emotionally, then I do for the fall of Cadia. Thanks for that

[@JaelinBezel]

With their spears in our hearts and their fingers in our wallets

[@deviljho3]

ROMA AETERNA EST

[@TheOverlordTank]

Aurelian, the only emperor to be luckier than Augustus, and better than Trajan.

[@kyekimler]

"Wow, this guy Aurelian is really doing a good job, I hope he sticks ar- oh he's dead."

[@itsmike2736]

Ah, I see you are a patrician of culture as well

[@Borderose]

I wouldn't call him lucky. He got shanked because a corrupt secretary panicked.

[@Katsuchiyo]

ctrl+c ctrl+v

[@belowcelcius5406]

Amen

[@HansLemurson]

When you learn about Roman history, your question changes from "Why did Rome fall?" to "How did it manage to survive so long?"

[@nixravette]

"Not the Byzantines, because I don't feel like crying." I felt that.

[@odd-ysseusdoesstuff6347]

Same Byzantium was such a loss I’M LOOKING AT YOU 4th CRUSADE

[@christianfarren1179]

This was a crisis. A large crisis. In fact, if you’ve got a moment, it was a 12-story crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24 hour portage and an enormous sign on the roof saying “This was a large crisis.”

[@daniktarnavsky9586]

Now get me two pencils and a pair of underpants.

[@schmid1.079]

Its bigger than that Chris, its huge.

[@MxCAT7]

ok, where's this from

[@christianfarren1179]

@@MxCAT7 Blackadder, the British comedy series

[@goroakechi6126]

Zenobia just went “This? This is mine now.”

[@nonnayerbusiness7704]

That's what sealed her doom. The province of Egypt was under the direct control of the Emperor and a key source of the wealth of the Imperial position. On the other hand, her Empire needed it to be on equal footing to the Persians long term.

[@GerryBolger]

Meanwhile Odaenathus was doing fuckin somersaults in his grave...

[@utubrGaming]

What else would you expect from the spiteful reincarnation of Dido?

[@bethbayless5652]

I get that reference. :)

[@stein1919]

"Yoink!"

[@utubrGaming]

Last time I was this early, the Praetorian Guard was still loyal to Aurelian.

[@odd-ysseusdoesstuff6347]

I’m so late that it took months for the news of Commodus’ death to reach me

[@napolien1310]

W8 I remember it was some officers in his army that killed him not the Praetorian guards.

[@thered4dr]

@@napolien1310 Aurelian was know for being really harsh when angered. One of his servants mistakenly thought the Emperor was anangry at him, so, fearing for his life, he tricked some officers into thinking that they were in trouble, wich lead them to kill their ruler. The truth was later discovered and the officers exacted their revenge on him.

[@napolien1310]

@@thered4dr yeah the guy who write letters for the emperor he fucked up and the punishment is something like death so he hatched that plan

[@brianholmes1812]

"you've been split in 3" Rome: Its just a flesh wound

[@witchshairlichen]

Rome: Unlike our other, internal, wounds

[@jasonbelstone3427]

"Wh- YOU ARE LITERALLY ON YOUR LAST LEG!"

[@rmsgrey]

I'm feeling much better now!

[@randombencounter263]

this just goes to show that the whole "China is whole again/broke again" meme applies to basically any large enough polity that existed for a long period of time. Someone with more patience and editing experience than me go make a Rome broke again/is whole again compilation.

[@shanedoesyoutube8001]

But how many times was Rome broken again and fixed again compared to China???

[@randombencounter263]

@@shanedoesyoutube8001 not nearly as often but it also was only around for like half as long

[@rmsgrey]

Though as the US demonstrates, it's as much about time as distance.

[@IkeOkerekeNews]

@@rmsgrey The US has never broken apart though.

[@cam4636]

@@IkeOkerekeNews It...it did though We had a whole war about it & every election cycle a few states threaten to leave again

[@tomm9963]

Imagine how much longer the Empire could have lasted if not for Aurelian being murdered by his men. Singlehandedly took the Empire off life support and managed to stabilise it too

[@felicepompa1702]

It would still collapse during the 5th century (maybe 10 or 20 years later) simply due to population decline and hunnic pressions on Germania that forced many germans to relocate. And also Christians didn't participate in the army and so Rome needed barbarian replacements

[@destrorso2505]

@@felicepompa1702 aurelian preached the monotheistic cult of Sol, god of victory, in that timeline it doesn't seem unreasonable Sol would take the spotlight as Christianity did, considering how much Aurelian pushed it and how much he was universally loved. In this way maybe the army could have still consisted of citizens and not outside mercenaries

[@N0TYALC]

He was 60 when he was murdered, there’s no telling how long he would’ve lived. Especially considering the plague and the fact that he was planning an invasion of the Sassanid Empire when he died. A 60 year old man in the 3rd century toiling away in the desert heat while plagues stalk the land and there’s an entire empire trying to kill him? That’s not a great recipe for a long life.

[@foldabotZ]

Not too long, I imagine. Maybe an extra 20-30 years past 476 AD.

[@christopherg2347]

It is said that back in the 2nd Punic war, there was a saying: "You are not defeated until you admit defeat." I guess nothing sums up Romes ability to just outlast a century worth of crisis quite as well.

[@RainaRamsay]

+

[@Mr_M_History]

"Rome would die, but not yet." Best description of the third century for Rome!

[@captainscience2732]

God, Aurelian was a badass emperor for his short reign. At least his successors kept the empire together.

[@Bluecho4]

TBH, "Rome Would Die: But Not Yet" sounds like a great title for an ongoing dramatic retelling of Roman history. The story of Rome being brought seemingly to the brink of collapse, only to pull through again.

[@Borderose]

Last episode should be titled: "This Is It" or "It's Time". Oh, and _please_ let the episode where Constantinople gets founded be titled "Roman Empire 2: Electric Boogaloo".

[@ordinaryodyssey7802]

6:07 - _'Postumus was assassinated in 269...'_ You mean he became... posthumous?

[@PobortzaPl]

Ba dum tssss

[@shanedoesyoutube8001]

Jokes aside, I'm gonna guess that's the etymology for the term Correct me if I'm wrong

[@RainaRamsay]

Thank you. I knew this joke was waiting to be made, I just couldn't quite find it.

[@nickmalachai2227]

@@shanedoesyoutube8001 closer to "the successor" iirc. Posthumous has similar roots, but it's not like the word pyrhhic, it's not named after a person, it's just a word.

[@lukacvitkovic8550]

Aurelian doesn’t get nearly as much recognition as he should

[@GerryBolger]

He was the one of the last great Romans. Diocletian obviously gave it his best shot but he wouldn't have had a solid formation for his tetrarchy if it wasn't for the god-like power and will that Aurelian cemented in the Empire.

[@psitaccus]

Yeah, he's one of the best. I think he doesn't get much recognisition, because his reign was so short.

[@lukacvitkovic8550]

@@GerryBolger fine Sir, you understand me completely

[@lukacvitkovic8550]

@@psitaccus even though that should be the selling point, looking at the magnitude of his achievements

[@MidlifeCrisisJoe]

He got a full expansion campaign in Rome 2: Total War. So he's got that going for him, which is nice.

[@tanguygoemanne4600]

I had been looking for a shower vid for 15 minutes and you posted this one. Much thanks, I love your work, I hope all's good for you!

[@kingfisherc9608]

The hec is a shower vid?

[@kammieceleek5113]

A video you put on while you're in the shower. Duh

[@jeffreyhornblower6515]

Just cry like a normal person

[@carsondubs]

@@kammieceleek5113 How?

[@kammieceleek5113]

@@carsondubs You... put on the sound? I do it with music

[@johnbennett7628]

In my honest opinion, Odaenathus was a chad. He held off the sassanids pretty much on his own and was granted a lot of autonomy within the Roman Empire. And the only reason he died was because his nephew got mad at him because of a hunting trip. The guy was a chad who helped out the empire when it needed a lot of help.

[@dionadair8195]

"Chaos is a ladder." -Emperors Aurelian and Diocletian, probably

[@hisLoneliness2961]

Praetorian guard more like.

[@dionadair8195]

@@hisLoneliness2961 Them too.

[@najimidayo]

I’m not sure if the term “Majestic Dumpster-Fire” exists, but I guess that sums up Rome.

[@tomlynmathewsjr7514]

There is Golden Disaster, but that's more Byzantine than Rome.

[@fionagibson7529]

It’s like watching a train wreck. It’s objectively a bad thing and doesn’t have any chance at ending well but for some reason you can’t look away.

[@abthedragon4921]

So that's where the Byzantine Empire got the "disaster" part of their golden disaster empire title from 😄

[@CollinMcLean]

They also got their Tax system largely from the one established by Diocletian

[@radishlordrak]

"Another general marches his army on Rome" You're gonna need to be more specific about which time

[@nickmalachai2227]

"it's a Roman general who is using the fame of his recent successes to claim dictatorial power" "... Narrow it down a little more."

[@mohdauzan6206]

Its dissapointing how men can be cruel. Like aurelians assasinators.

[@-._Radixerus_.-]

haha! i don't think it's the fact they're men, mohd.

[@mauricocruz7405]

He was actually betrayed by his assistant since Aurelian was purging the Roman nobility for corruption so instead of waiting his turn. The coward made up evidence that Aurelian was going to kill his generals so the generals killed Aurelian first

[@gae_wead_dad_6914]

@@mauricocruz7405 Yeah, because of Dovahatty it's actually quite a common misconception. His history is biased, folks. It's in the tittle. He most likely got killed by Diocletian himself, since he was one of his generals and household guard. And it isn't an awful thing. They were tricked by an asshole beaurocrat. If you were told that you were being killed off for no good reason, even if you didn't do anything wrong - you would probably assume that the Emperor is going crazy with power.

[@jovindsouza3407]

The Crisis of the Third Century is probably the most fascinating part of Roman history that didn't take place during Cicero or Caesar's time.

[@JaelinBezel]

What about Romulus's time?

[@sorcierenoire8651]

@@JaelinBezel woud be if it was as detailed as Ceasar's campaign to Gaul.

[@15oClock]

3rd Century Rome: "Please, God, let us have one good day." God: "Oh, my god, you again!? Give it a rest, buddy!"

[@shanedoesyoutube8001]

*oh my me

[@hungrymusicwolf]

*Then proceeds to punch god in the face before taking back all that god stole from them

[@johanrunfeldt7174]

Is God using His own name in vain? God punishes sinners, but who punishes God?

[@cam4636]

@@johanrunfeldt7174 Well if you believe humanity is God's children, His children are punishment enough

[@Valery0p5]

Funny you say so, since those were the some of bloodiest years in regards to persecutions. Persecutions that lasted centuries, not just a world war, I wonder why they are remembered so differently nowadays...

[@paulwagner688]

"Whomst to replace him with". Leave it to Blue to make the same kind of grammatical jokes I do.

[@crimsonpresents]

Just watched a series on the Punic Wars. Glad to watch some Roman History.

[@logancole5101]

Sparta: what do we say to death? Rome: not today! Sparta: I was hoping you'd make a reservation for us in the underworld but fair enough. WE DINE ELSEWHERE!

[@NiceColorss]

TLDR: Aurelian completed the restore Rome speedrun and then just died

[@pedrocorrea6870]

Barbarian Logic: I'm the king of my whole kingdom even if I cant rule and die tomorrow. Roman Logic: Hear me out, what if I just hold several different offices simultaneously and confuse my enemies through bureaucracy?

[@orrorsaness5942]

Chinese Logic: How about both at once? You guys have good points!😊

[@bookwyrm3172]

My favorite thing about Diocletian was how he made a massive policy change, and then, instead of staying in charge and getting murdered by somebody who was unhappy, retired. He avoided all of the political backlash by leaving any problems with his system to be somebody else’s problem, while he chilled in a retirement palace

[@Jacob-ge1py]

and then he killed himself

[@Groaker]

Man, watching videos about Aurelian without Dovahhatty's *completely unbias* portrayal of him sure is a trip.

[@drilltotheheavens1695]

The romans are the only society to keep themselves alive for so long. They deserve some props for that alone. Hopefully people will remember us and say our era surpassed theirs. Let’s do our part.

[@bigmac1516]

tbf the chinese society lasted way longer and only arguably ended with the communist revolution.

[@skywriter4308]

I think the Mayans make a strong contender as well. The appear to have had a continuous empire for several thousand years. Also, Egypt.

[@shanedoesyoutube8001]

@@bigmac1516 Rome is like the Mediterranean China and China is like the East Asian Rome

[@staC-wh6ik]

@@bigmac1516 communism didn't end chinese society, considering how nationalistic the current govt still is and how many times chinese society ahs changed throughout history.

[@bigmac1516]

@@staC-wh6ik i just think that you could class this as a new chinese society

[@Liadelou]

If anyone ever tells you that a character has an unrealistic amount of problems tossed at them, just point them to Rome.

[@sparkygol4569]

I could listen to Blue talk about Rome all day and not get bored. It's so easy and satisfying to take in a subject when the speaker is this passionate.

[@nitrocharge2404]

Midlife crises can be really awful sometimes

[@No_Sense_Of_Self]

I just dropped everything to be here, and I must say, this is great.

[@legomaniac213]

"What do we say to The God of Death?' Rome: "Not today"

[@Healermain15]

"Please take a number and wait your turn, we're kinda busy over here."

[@PobortzaPl]

I should've checked before posting very similar comment. Silly me, there are plenty ASoIaF/GoT fans...

[@RainaRamsay]

+

[@alessandrogini5283]

I think that severus alexander was unlucky.. He come emperor in a empire severy wounded by plague, fiscal disruption, usurpation on usurpation.. He wanted restored antonine age.. He spared money to avoid civil economic disruption, but this lowered the pay of the soldiers.. This lead a lack of personal stability.. He wanted stop the Eastern war with a letter as antonino pios, but sassanid are different.. Armenia and hatra, and also parthian joined the roman side, and his campaign started well.. Army was split in three columns.. North go to Armenian mountains and sacks enemy towns, southern army was destroyed.. Why? Because central army, leaded by emperor himself, was hit by a disease, so this section couldn't came in contact to aid southern army, and this blamed him.. If wasn't for disease, probably he could crushed sassanid empire in the cradle, and restored a parthian king.. He stop the campaign for recovery, and he wanted launched a second attack, but in west German tribes attacks borders.. For lack of stability, he must, and only he could, go to the west. He wanted saved troops for recovery, take time and go back to the east, a more dangerous issues.. So he bribed tribes.. Legionary at the time was more... Regionals,.. So they killed the emperor because believing to be a stupid emperor, but an emperor must have a long sight

[@sydhenderson6753]

Not to mention he followed Elagabulus.

[@anxiousassistant]

Blue, I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this, but your voice is so nice to listen to!

[@bakubread9308]

Rome isn't impressive for conquering a lot of land, they're impressive for managing to rule that land for as long as they did

[@bu_blik6112]

It's not every day that KZbin recommends such a good channel like this

[@scottwerner279]

Friendship ended with Julius Caesar, Aurelian is my new best friend.

[@pseudonym9599]

"Um yeah, I don't feel like dying today" - Rome, the half-orcs of ancient government.

[@orrorsaness5942]

Persians were Humans Germanic People’s were Orcs

[@connorgolden4]

I feel Blue’s depiction of Gallienus was unfair. He didn’t seem “ok” with provinces leaving his empire at all. Iirc he campaigned against Postumus but the constant rebellions and Germanic invasions kept him from diverting his full attention on him. The “Gaullic Empire” was no match for an undistracted seeing as how as soon as Aurelian came down upon him he crushed them and restored order.

[@ericpeterson8732]

That line about staring Death in the face and telling him to wait his gosh darn turn was brilliant. Great video.

[@Riastrad-hq6ds]

Odenathus of Palmyra is easily one of my favourite non-emperor/consul figures from Roman history. It's crazy to think that this one guy was able to keep the east from falling and was the principle figure in making sure that the crisis did not completely overtake the empire all while never declaring himself emperor of anything.

[@ethandavies8227]

Rome didn’t take a double barrelled shotgun to the face that century, it took a triple barrel to the face and Aurelian spat the shells back out and roundhouse kicked the entire world in the face. Was a mixed year for everyone.

[@shanedoesyoutube8001]

Hoooooly shit!!!

[@blacksage2375]

Blue: "like five Praetorian Guards" Caligula: I feel personally attacked.

[@scotttaylor7146]

It's funny because he was personally attacked by 5 praetorian guards

[@geekacelol8982]

10:57 YOU TAKE THAT BACK, COMPARING DIOCLETIAN TO FLEX TAPE WAS AMAZING

[@mrfacerock8806]

Currently reading Julian by Gore Vidal. Fantastic piece of historical fiction on the last pagan emperor Julian the Apostate. Blue if you haven't read it I think you'll like it.

[@marcello7781]

Gore Vidal is a very great author. I recommend you to read "Creation", if you haven't already.

[@kazeryu4834]

It’s really interesting seeing a historian grow. I’ve seen actors and artists grow and evolve their craft but this is the first time I’ve seen it in an intellectual

[@thequacken3226]

Elagabalus, the emperor that threw a parade for their favorite rock, has some other interesting things. The most interesting in my opinion is the theory that Elagabalus is a trans woman. A lot of the sexual scandals surrounding Elagabalus, which there are many of them, seem to point to that theory. There is also the fact that Elagabalus specifically said that they wanted to be called empress as opposed to emperor, a request that historians didn't follow. One thing of note about Elagabalus' rule was the creation of a "women's senate" that caused the more conservative romans to not allow women to even enter the senate building after their reign was over. After the Death of Elagabalus, most records of their rule were covered up. However, were not destroyed completely mainly to show how bad of a ruler Elagabalus was.

[@mayoandbananasandwich6527]

I mean…it’s more like a dumpster fire than a “hijink” but very well

[@k.w.3885]

hijinks come in many degrees!

[@CollinMcLean]

Jack Rackham put it best, Rome is a constant superposition of greatest empire on earth and fuming garbage fire.

[@snackreaper]

Rome-"Daddy daddy I conquered the entire Mediterranean and all of Iberia!" Blue-" that is all *w h a t e v e r* "

[@annacobb434]

I think we just need a full series with Roman emperors!

[@nothisispatrick4644]

Under 5 years Aurelian has done more than most emperors before him. Reuniting the empire in its most vulnerable state it has ever been. In 5 years he earned the love of the people, the praise of the nobility and the loyalty of the army. In 5 years he ruled with an iron fist, trying to fix the economy that was brought to ruin by his predecessors and killing the corruption that plagued Rome for centuries. *TRULY LUCKIER THAN AUGUSTUS. BETTER THAN TRAJAN. AND BRIGHT AS AURELIAN*

[@SerPinkKnight]

Restitutor Orbis!

[@denniselkin1195]

Well, yes, I imagine Aurelian is in fact as bright as Aurelian

[@dillonshafer3895]

Blue is constantly getting more comfortable with recording and it’s awesome

[@lahlybird895]

Athens: we are quacking nuts Rome: hold my... Everything.

[@carlociotola7137]

I love how the graphics have been slighty but very noticibly improved. They're beautiful

[@IJustKant]

"Rome stared death in the face, and told it to wait its goddamn turn." That is an EPIC line

[@popeofnope1944]

Every time you talk about Rome I understand why you love it more and more

[@orionsbonk]

great video blue !! you mentioned the praetorian guard a few times - have you ever considered making a full video about their history? also, i think you and red would both really like the podcast “ancient history fangirl”. i honestly dream of a crossover episode

[@MatVids2]

Hell yes! I'm about to finish Mike Ducan's History of Rome podcast and ever since going through the crisis of the third century arc I'd been hoping for an OSP on it. Great work, Blue!

[@Constantine-316]

Rome didnt deserve Aurelian, Stilicho, Justinian etc..

[@Sandman382]

They REALLY needed to learn the pyramid scheme of leaders faster with how big they got....and needed to teach their children with a far far far far firmer hand because the quickest path to the end of a empire is ALWAYS the 2nd or 3rd generation after a great leader. With everything dealt with by the former the following can just lead by motions unless something terrible happens, this leads to complaceny and training their children worse then they were because it should be a simple job.....and now they are a puppet/assasinated/tyrant rebelled against/exiled etc. China basically continually had that issue of one guy uniting it and then letting his son do whatever and then 2 generations down everything goes to shit again.

[@artofthepossible7329]

It did not deserve them, it _required_ them.

[@ahbabmuttaki1856]

What could be better than a blue's history hijinks video?

[@HistoryOfRevolutions]

"Dignity and love do not blend well, nor do they continue long together" - Ovid (Roman Poet)

[@Beryllahawk]

Listening to this - which, by the way, as with all your history videos, is SO MUCH EASIER TO UNDERSTAND than the textbooks - anyway, listening to this in particular made me realize part of where one of my favorite fantasy authors absolutely has to be getting some of his ideas. L.E. Modesitt is awesome, and it doesn't remove a speck of my respect for the man to notice that a WHOLE LOT of what goes down in this segment of Roman history is realllllly similar to events in his Imager novels. And in a few cases, also some of the events in various parts of the Recluce series, venerable and massive saga that it is. Thank you for your hard work - and for making history so much more of a STORY than a hissy fit.

[@joshuapietsch7602]

Me when Blue talks about Rome: ^_^

[@Artur_M.]

You know what Blue? When you mentioned the abandonment of Dacia it had me thinking, and now I really want you to make a History Summarized video about Romania.

[@El-Silver]

Me if a was an roman emperor during the crisis Troops : ave you Me: ok so let me say goodbye to my family

[@alessandrogini5283]

Specifically if you are Philip the Arab

[@Your1Nightmare]

I love the update to the time stamp at the top. Very fitting!

[@marcello7781]

Another Aurelian could have delayed the fall of Rome for another two centuries.

[@deltafighter3986]

Majorian.

[@jinrai20]

"Rome would die, but not yet." What a quote.

[@Artur_M.]

"Taxidermied with gold" I'm crying. 🤣

[@JaelinBezel]

Is that literal or is Blue making a joke?

[@Artur_M.]

@@JaelinBezel The Parthians allegedly poured molten gold into Crassus' mouth. Mocking his thirst for gold.

[@wppb50]

@@JaelinBezel Marcus Licinius Crassus was, quite possibly, the richest person in the world at the time he was alive, and he was always looking for more. He actually organized the first professional firefighting organization known to man, but he wasn't using it pro bono publica; if your house caught fire, he would show up with a bucket chain of slaves and offer to buy it at a price that reflected the fact that was in the process of burning down (act fast, limited-time offer on a rapidly depreciating asset). Once you agreed, he'd have the slaves put out the fire so he could fix it up and flip it. Apparently his reputation had reached Parthia before he did, when he tried to conquer it (and completely boffed it; seriously, he and his got wrecked). So yeah, as said, when he was captured the Parthians held him down and poured molten gold (or silver) into his mouth to satisfy his thirst for money.

[@manjumishra2073]

10:32 '' Instead of Arguing why the Roman Empire fell, we should rather be surprised it subsisted for that long '' - Edward Gibbon (Author of the History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire)

[@misterbubbles6389]

Rome: I brush with death so often, I should start giving him high-fives when I pass

[@daniloafeliciano]

You guys are awesome. Just so you know, the timeskip needed to happen, there's a hidden plot left unresolved that's tied up in biblical translation and Blackstone's Commentaries. Much love, will donate when I can.

[@rafisanders]

Random bit of trivia, Diocletian thought that Cincinnatus was the greatest roman civilian.

[@lexizayas5936]

how have i watched every single video on this channel but managed to just subscribe now

[@joeevans5770]

1:09 Don't judge him it was a good rock

[@AaaronI]

Rome a real classic topic on osp and I heard y'all talk about werewolves on the podcast. This channel never stops does it.

[@DrCrab1029]

Oh now I'm curious if anyone has a rough estimate for how many times Rome (the republic/empire, not the city) should have collapsed and just chose not to

[@krankarvolund7771]

That's only from my mind: -Foundation of the Republic, apparently a bunch of etruscan kings allied to help the ancient king of Rome. They failed because Romans were good fighters. -Brennus invaded and sacked the city, then asked for gold. Acording to legend, a retired general came with a relief army and make him flee. Most probably romans did pay and he just leaved. -Phyrric wars, one of the best generals in history inflicted several defeats to Rome. Rome didn't ask for peace, because Romans never ask for peace, and Pyrrhus was in the end forced to retreat because Rome had just too many manpower. -Second Punic War, I guess you know the story, one of the best general in history inflicted several crushing defeats to Rome who never asked for peace. Yes again, but this time Hannibal just didn't tried to invade the city. Carthage payed that decision with literally everything. -Ist century BCE, almost a century of civil wars. I don't think they were really on the brink of collapse, in fact they were expanding, it was just an horrible time for everyone in Rome ^^' -IIIrd century CE, watch that video ^^ -The fall of Rome... yeah they got hit really bad... but Eastern Roman Empire survived, and even conquered back some bits of the empire. -Arab conquest, a large group of invaders swept most of the Eastern Roman Empire, icluding their most valuable provinces (Egypt, Syria, etc...). But they failed to conquer Constantinople. -1204, Constantinople had falled, in the hands of the crusaders. The Roman Empire was surviving in little bits around black sea, until they took back Constantinople. That's just a resurrection basically XD -1391 to 1398, Yildirim Bayezid, one of the greatest ottoman sultan layed a siege on Constantinople. Twice. The first time they were saved by the hungarians, so he conquered a bit of Hungary, then returned to Cosntantinople, which he sieged for six years, and built a massive fortress to try to prevent boats to supply the city. They were saved by the invasion of a mongol horde lead by Timur Lang, who captured and killed Bayezid. Saved, but not for long ^^ Wow that was longer than I expected XD In totality, I'll say it's roughly ten times, in 2 206 years of existence (from the probably mythical legendary of Rome to the fall of Constantinople). Romans are stubborn as hell XD

[@MaylocBrittinorum]

@@krankarvolund7771 I'd add the Marcomanic Wars during Marcus Aurelius' reign, when several Germanic tribes crossed the Danube and sacked Illyria and even Italy, at the same time that Rome was still recovering from the Antonine Plague. We could have seen the Barbarian Invasions a couple of centuries sooner. There's also the great Roman-Sassanid War during the early 7th century, when the Persians conquered Egypt, the Levante and Anatolia and had managed to lay siege to Constantinople.

[@krankarvolund7771]

@@MaylocBrittinorum As I said, it was from memory only, and I don't know all the history of Rome ^^

[@dionisioperricciruis3118]

@@krankarvolund7771 Bro you even remembered about the details of the mongol horde. Absolute legend

[@Saffron-mb8mp]

This is one of your best vids yet

[@CivilWarWeekByWeek]

Nothing funnier than a century long crisis

[@abacusabandon]

These videos are amazing. Thank you for putting these out there blue

[@drilltotheheavens1695]

Alright bois next time we get a meme video we need Diocletian to say “to show you the power of Flex Tape I cut this empire in 3 and fixed it with only flex tape!”

[@alicehellman8445]

5:03 “can I interest you in everything, all of the time? A little bit of everything, all of the time?”

[@hotcocoandart]

Hey, there's the isle of Man on the map!! I can't believe I never noticed it before

[@BonaparteBardithion]

Well, with all the episodes they do on Mediterranean history you know they're not gonna skimp on islands.

[@hotcocoandart]

@@BonaparteBardithion Yeah, but most people don't even know it's there, much less the history behind it.