Hookup Culture and Self-Discovery: Turning Casual Encounters into Growth Opportunities

[@adfectuscomunicacion3502]

I identified so much with Michael's story: I went from being the "unwanted" guy when I was 18 to be the guy many other men wanted to have sex with, and yes: you can get yourself lost in the way if you don't know how to handle that amount of attention and desire. Luckily, like Michael, all those experiencies have taught me that GAY SEX IS NOT THE ONLY SOURCE OF CONFIDENCE AND HIGH SELF-ESTEEM, because we are so much more than a body: we are our values, our conversations, the kind of friends we make, the quality of relationships we build through our lives. Thanks for sharing! Also, a very important thing you guys mentioned: TRUST YOUR INTUITION, ALWAYS.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Your story is so powerful! It's a reminder that true confidence comes from within, not just external validation.💓

[@adfectuscomunicacion3502]

😊

[@pppexplorer]

Matt, Michael, and Reno - You all did a great job on your discussion of this topic! 👏🏽👍🏽 Side note: You can usually count on Reno for the comical, down-to-earth ('wash your ass'), yet witty and wise comments and stories. 😀

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Yeah, never a doll moment with the three of them, especially with Reno's unfiltered stories.😜

[@ropasidi5154]

We should pay more attention to the energy interchange when we hookup!

[@ascott2168]

THIS 🙌🏽

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

You're absolutely right! The emotional and energetic connection is just as important as the physical one.❤

[@reacting_to_stuff_]

but what does it mean?

[@brandongrill2767]

It's great to hear this, this being my first ever full listen. Needless to say I'm a fan. Matt seems so grounded, reasonable, and centered, which I resonate with as a spiritual type myself. Love Reno's candidness and Michael's firsthand experiences as well.

[@antoniohoyte7131]

I'm empathic but I've never had the training that I think I need, but I experienced a lot of different things. The question I have and I was wondering if you have experienced it also Matt? When hooking up with guys and they're nervous do you pick up the nervous energy? I've gone into situations feeling confident but because the other person is nervous and insecure about it I feel that energy to the point to where it throws the whole vibe off.

[@mattlandsiedel]

Yes 100% I pick up everything. I try to make an accommodating environment without leaving my centre, that’s my intention. I can also also feel their arousal towards me which is a pretty cool thing about being an empath

[@5928N]

Thank you for another great episode!

[@BJ-oi7cm]

For me it was curiosity and a desire for experimentation and connection to overcome societal stigma

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

That's incredibly brave! It takes courage to explore your identity and connect with yourself despite societal pressures.🥰

[@psremington]

I am a man who is very comfortable with the fact that I’m gay, but have always held myself to very rigid rules about who, where, and how I have sex. I’m at a point in my life where I’m working hard to relax those rules and let myself responsibly be one of the “boys will be boys”. This podcast made such a difference to me. Thank you. And Reno, your simple statement “I just allow myself to be naughty” blared out at me and truly made a difference. Yes I can allow myself to be naughty and enjoy sex at the moment and thoroughly enjoy being with another man, but that doesn’t make me a “naughty” person. I can let go of those rigid rules I have set for myself. (Probably from childhood). Thank you!!

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for sharing this-it’s so powerful to hear how you’re embracing this new perspective and allowing yourself to fully enjoy the moment. Letting go of those old rules can be so freeing!🥰

[@gw6482]

Lol I have so much experience!particularly in the last couple of years that I’ve been in a healthy open marriage, I’ve been able to meet guys for a great time without the drama of dating and falling in love. Of course there have been some negatives, like a couple of uncomfortable visits to the health clinic for antibiotics that solved the problems in a few days, and also some people who were just not compatible with me/us. However, I’ve had great encounters and fantastic connections with some guys. I’ve even made friends with some of them. I’ve learned so much more about my sexuality, and I’ve improved my skills as well iykwim Such a fun topic, thanks guys!

[@grahams.2313]

Great converations and thank you for exploring themes that many fail to ensue. Michael - what is the name of the B&W Photo; it looks quite serene.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for your kind words! We'll ask Michael for you.😍

[@gerrykp]

Thanks for a great episode. I would like to add that Reno's experience with "scabies" does not mean it came from a hookup. You can get them from anywhere...a toilet seat, a laundry mat, brushing up on someone on public transportation. Sex could definitely be a cause from an infected person, but it takes sometimes 2-8 weeks to show up. Anyways..I just think its good to let folks know that scabies are very common, especially in elementary schools. And lastly they are nothing to be ashamed of...lots of people get lice, scabies, all that icky stuff. 😢

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for sharing that.🙂

[@MrMostArtistic]

Matt, you speak as if you’re familiar with Parts Work (and maybe Internal Family Systems therapy)??

[@mattlandsiedel]

Yes, I have training in the modality 👍🏼

[@WynterFyre]

I'd love to see the same passion about homeless gay men, gay men trying to escape abusive relationships, or gay men struggling with wanting to unalive themselves. Sure, the trust episode touched the topic but it's sad how these episodes always drift back to the shallow.

[@FernandoVazquez-ro1nw]

Respectable opion. AND, because these topics are often seen as shallow, they are seldom talked about in a healthy and integrative way and as a result, people continue to have lots of shame around it. I am a social worker that works with disenfranchised communities and I am aware this is not a social work podcast for gay guys. And that's ok.

[@WynterFyre]

@@FernandoVazquez-ro1nw it most certainly isn't a social work podcast but there are so many times the hosts seem to want to present themselves as much more high-minded than they are. We're reminded of this very often.

[@BrightestAngelCity]

Y’all are established leaders. Please increase your standards. You’re all wonderful people and I’ve loved your channel over the years and I’m trying not to judge y’all. I understand you all have journeys and growing. God bless you and thank you for your humor, but when Michael admits to having sexual hookups, and talks about it as sexual empowerment and sex positivity I just can’t reconcile it or be okay with it. Michael casually just says he is on prep and doxy, Gardasil as hpv vaccine, Hep A and B vaccines, mpox vaccine, gets tested every 3 months, uses condoms sometimes. All this medicalization particularly the pills and vaccines cannot be good for a human. And all the viewers will watch the video and do the same thing. Michael sounded like he was actually promoting doxy by describing the benefits. It also amazes me (in a negative way) that he clearly stated he has no fear of catching STIs. Don’t you realize again that you are normalizing hookup culture? Your videos will have ripple effects on people viewing your videos and young men especially. You can easily be seen as with your channel creating sex addicts and not know it. Your podcast has been tarnished. I will say to Michael however on the plus side: thank you for sharing your personal questions for before you hookup, like why are you seeking the experience. But if you are asking these questions in the first place it’s proof of a greater problem. You guys are life coaches and model gays so stop creating entire video series that people can download as you say titled “Intro to non monogamous relationships”. Come on. What difference do you have then from all the gay world? There is almost no resource other than Paul Angelo for gay men who want monogamy. Matt said to understand your needs. This is incredibly selfish because we are talking about sex. If you care about your own needs then you won’t be sharing the experience in pleasuring the other. His lens of viewing hookups is selfish specifically because he views all these things as needs, when hookup sex is not a need in the first place but a want. This is why every civilization falls, because of decadence. Worst of all, Matt speaks about knowing these needs within hookups as a form of empowerment. Give me a break. You three hosts are entitled, spoiled, privileged western men who are blessed to be out and not in the closet and get to run a coaching company but you speak about your hookups as if you are collecting Halloween candy. What about using your platform to fight for real gay rights like helping all the Muslim gays who continue being killed in the muslim Russian province, or all over most of the Middle East, what about fighting for real gay rights? When have you ever spoken about gays in deeply homophobic nations currently? At 55:00 when Reno speaks about his alter ego named Drama, I like that he said to put a name to it and to understand it and to connect to that part of yourself beyond the shame but I don’t like that he says to allow yourself to embody that alter ego energy. He says allow yourself to be naughty and allow it overcome you. This is giving too much permission and rights to that alter ego, basically could lead to selling one’s soul to the Devil as most gay men are not mature enough to be able to stop that alter ego. Michael even just casually agreed and said give yourself permission to play. Life is not a game Michael. There are consequences. There is such thing as evil and people are baited. Most gay men end up taking the bait and become statistics. As gay men we have gone so far left. You should be promoting conservative values or at least centrist, yet you are promoting going with the flow, and even going all in to the culture of the world rather than to the will of God who wants us to be the best version of ourself that we can be and with high standards for life. Have we lost all virtue? Also crazy how the speakers and the viewers who are commenting in the comments section are in an echo chamber and a bubble of all agreeing with the speakers. Is there no dissent to any of this? Are all traditional, moral gay men gone? Everyone is on PrEP and using it as a license for raw sex. Next step is cumdumping and after that we all become porn stars. How great. Porn is the first gateway drug but y’all of course go along with it. I think all of you need fathering, adulting, and ultimately saving. Are we really all giving in to our traumas and our primal nature? How deep into denial are the three of you to not admit flat out right off the bat that basically you are all presenting sex addict tendencies. If you are as deep in hookup culture as you are then you are experiencing sex addiction. You need help, you need recovery, you need to detox from sex from PrEP from all the pheromones and sex chemicals you’re exchanging with and receiving from all the men you meet.

[@antonioespinoza5134]

Just found this podcast when I was driving to visit family and honestly so glad I did. It really helps me connect with my inner self. And also Matt, you are very attractive 😂

[@bedazzledhobo6200]

I find it hard to understand hookups and casual sex. All I really seen from it’s participants insecurities and low self esteem. I personally think it’s making the gay community much more sick and fearful. I think it can be done in a healthy way however only if you yourself are actually healthy but being healthy as a gay person is almost nonexistent. I have also noticed whenever i am on date with someone and ask them about their past history regarding dating and sex all i see is shame immediately coming up. I really think the community need to have actual positive roll models that don’t male gay dating all about sex or preferences but rather see it as an act of love and vulnerability/intimacy. But i guess how people wanna be touched in bed is far more important than actually being felt.

[@songsforsale427]

Is it ok to ask someone how many guys they had since the last test?

[@mattorero]

Im a tattoo artist. It simply doesnt matter what a person says they have or thinks they have. Many people dont know what they have, could have etc. They may not know. They may lie. But the responsibility is on me to prevent any pathogen transfer regardless. Of course you can ask, but ultimately you are responsible for your own body and health and what boundaries/safety measures allow you to keep your peace of mind.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

That's a very personal question and might make someone uncomfortable. It's best to avoid asking such things unless you have a very close and open relationship with the person.🙂

[@reacting_to_stuff_]

Hook up Culture ends about 40 years old. That’s it. Good bye