How A Female Covert Narcissist Baits A Married Man

Learn the 10 steps that a female covert narcissist uses to bait a married man into having an affair.
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
Introduction (0:00)
Step 1 - The Approach (1:42)
Step 2 - Share Personal Information (2:34)
Step 3 - Mapping You Out (3:03)
Step 4 - Idealization (4:00)
Step 5 - Seduction (5:34)
Step 6 - Sexual Encounters (6:32)
Step 7 - Elaborate Fantasy (8:00)
Step 8 - She Cuts You Off (9:23)
Step 9 - True Colours Come Out (11:32)
Step 10 - The Pressure is On (12:33)
Conclusion (14:08)
#NPD #covertnarcissist #narcissism #narcissistic

[@mattdonlan7745]

Always the victim looking for a hero....only to tear them down.

[@MrPurcie]

Notice their talk is 90% of the time about Hero(ism) or Victims. Someone being the hero vs someone being the victim

[@carlgeorge4080]

The grass isnt greener brothers! TRUST ME! FIX YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP. This video hits the nail on the head! She isnt your soul mate

[@kwc7391]

I broke up with a female covert narcissist back in May 2023. In November 2023, and still now she is seeing a married man. The woman has no shame, and no moral values. The woman keeps a poker face all the time. And I was very much in love with that woman. What a shame.

[@geric.5183]

The female covert narcissist I know, did not try to directly poach my husband, but she worked on creating division between us.

[@fifilafleur5555]

Yep! They will do this to destroy other family relationships too. A stepmother like she describes will destroy a man’s relationships with his children... often beyond repair. Living it!

[@wango556]

Creating division is a version of directly poaching your husband for her

[@gerriconway4806]

First she tried to make me look like a bad person in front of my husband. She pushed my buttons which she already knew about. Meanwhile, taking all the steps in this video right in front of me. I was uncomfortable with her behavior, my intuition was screaming but, she gave no real cause for my negative responses to her.

[@LaserJake99]

Narcissists/cluster B's/BPD are unbelievably predictable. Running a program like a piece of software in the matrix. Not a real person. They are all the same story, different narrative but Lise is able to explain the code of these robots.

[@solomancambridge2572]

I remember a coworker told me that she only "dates" married men. That's chilling.

[@abdallahkasajja8219]

She employed everything you mentioned about to me and it was the hardest time I have ever faced in my life

[@marthaelenamoratoluna6259]

I’m now in a similar situation, what did you do about this? Thanks

[@marcossouzadias8824]

I completely relate to this. In my experience, my advice would be to go no contact as soon as possible. Even if you’re deeply entangled, never doubt that she IS a narcissist (i.o. a dangerous psycho) because if you’ve reached this point, she likely is. Educate yourself - watching those videos, especially by Dr. Ramani and others (even if they’re primarily for female victims), literally saved me. I also went to therapy, and it helped tremendously, especially armed with the knowledge I gained. You are lucky to have this channel - when I had problems there were no resources for man.

[@user-qs1fo6vz1n]

@@marthaelenamoratoluna6259Same…SAME here…absolutely a living hell even after no contact…do you have any advice???

[@FlynnFromTaiga]

Such lady helped me to end the marriage I wanted to end,but had no courage to do. We dated for 2 years after my divorce and recently she dumped me for her new supply. I think that this is win-win for me. Now, for the first time in my life, I am free to be myself and live for myself, I am happy. Now I want peace in my relationships.

[@HammerDowneyJr]

Exact. Same. Thing. Happened to me. 2.5-3yrs with her. I tried to mold her into my soulmate, like an idiot. Many, many lessons learned. I had to forgive myself, or the guilt and alcohol probably would have killed me. Brothers, stay strong. Be courageous enough to face your problems, within your committed relationships, or within your own behavior. Don't be like me.

[@wandRng]

Jeez, this one creeped me out😮stay strong fellas, the snakes be slithering.

[@Socoolral]

Although I’ve never been married, I do have to say this is literally how it happened to me. I don’t know what it’s going to take for me to call it as I see it. Anyone watching this video, listen to it and watch it over and over until you get it. This video will save you to an extent. Stay healthy and safe inside your body🤙🏼😉 Thank you Lise

[@kcren38]

Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit. Now.

[@cosmicqueen4530]

Thank you for sharing this information! All Husbands going thru a mid life crisis need to watch this.

[@its-all-good]

I needed to read your comment and see this video about 8 years ago. You as well as Lise are 100% correct.

[@shamimtemour]

My husband of 22 years who is a Covert Narcissist left me for his emotional affair partner, who is also a Narcissist. This is the second and last time. I know it’s bitter, but I hope she puts him through hell.

[@katcraig7525]

​@@shamimtemourI'm in the same scenario.

[@LTZ_Z71]

yeah, women don't cheat. Good call

[@timmysmith9991]

My ex wife got her kicks making passes at married men. She got off on stealing another woman’s husband. She preferred a pre selected man. Complete garbage. Our marriage lasted 7 months.

[@horiboyablemgtow7842]

My wife of 20 years always targeted married men, I think she gets off on it by stealing another womens husband. She caught 3 stds...... natural justice. She caught herpes so now she is spreading her misery around now.

[@teeryan19]

so spot on it’s scary. Seeing how textbook his affair was now takes it’s power away from her over me she’s a sick woman and he was in a bad place. My therapist says women like her can sniff a man in pain and vulnerable out it’s easy supply for them

[@juiceknot]

Yep. My ex covert narcissist wife cheated with a coworker that was 23 years younger than her THEN she cheated with my ex friend that had a wife and 2 young kids. Now everyone involved is spread throughout the US. I’m in the north east, 20 year old in California, Affair partner with wife & 2 young kids in the south, and the Jezebel is in Montana

[@bobleglob162]

They are destroyers

[@luciatheron1621]

My husband told me my cousin was hitting on him and harrasing him.,we changed our phone numbers and went grey rock on her.. 20 yrs later saw her at funeral. My husband did not recognise her when she came over to greet him, he left her speechless. It was hilarious.

[@randihackney4830]

My narc ex hubby met a married woman at work....he started suddenly treating me terrible and distant. They were both totally infatuated with one another and love bombing to no end. This wasn't the 1st time he cheated so I was DONE. 17 years wasted on a idiot. A liar, abuser, manipulation to no end, and his family was the exact same way. He'd take women to his moms for getaways. I cut him totally out of my life. It never gets beter..let those people goooo

[@markeemarkandtheclusterbs8530]

The problem was your husband.. not her. Why is it women keep coming on to channels specifically geared towards men and then complain about their husbands or make it about them? I don't get it. We come on here to read comments from other men ..not to hear more man bashing.

[@vkrgfan]

Sorry to hear, women need resilience training. Don’t get them back after they cheated, no second chances.

[@TheUnplugged1]

was talking to a woman last year who did all these things i thought she was really cool at first because she was basically mirroring me ,then i found out she was talking too a married man...i saw the text exchange between them...she was saying she was in love...i ghosted her and never spoke to her again

[@ericmcdonald7313]

I wasn't married but these steps were still employed on me.... amazing video

[@djdiefmusic]

This was my exactly situation - every step just as you described. I left and eternally regret it.

[@rockingmygray]

Deception is real…my husband… now ex husband was deceived too…by his secretary with this tactics…I saw the she devil 👿 & try to warn my husband but he wanted what he wanted…games lies and deception…never make for a great relationship…💯

[@macemig601]

I'm here wondering if I want to be taken advantage of or not

[@Kapritchosa]

Funny.

[@MegaVolcano]

I had this exact thing happen to me a year ago. I never gave in and she eventually discarded and ghosted me. But she employed every tactic that’s mentioned in this video. It broke me for a time. But I still have family.

[@DrKango]

How you managed to get rid of her ?

[@MegaVolcano]

@@DrKango She must’ve realized that she wasn’t going to get what she wanted from me and pretended like I didn’t exist, as a form of punishment. She never really came back after that.

[@batman4784]

Be strong... Be rude, bad, really bad... Discard her... Block her everywhere and don't react when she burns your soul. Focus on your people... She will feast on your goodness until you lose your soul and sanity

[@MegaVolcano]

@@em7937 There's no "Lol" to it. It broke me because I wanted to believe that she was my friend, and that I had meant something to her the way that she made me feel that I had meant something to her. I clearly saw her good qualities and didn't want her to be someone who was that controlled by her own Dark Side. Either way, it's the internal conflict that we all deal with in one form or another.

[@MegaVolcano]

@@em7937 ok, you’re just being a troll. I’m sure I could look into your past and find plenty of things to judge you and troll you about. Time to move on.

[@michaelhalbert3843]

I was dating a girl when I met my wife. I kept it platonic with her for 3 months. I eventually broke up with my girlfriend. At the time I thought this was messy and terrible. I cried about my decision for 3 months. I also told her my deepest, darkest secrets. The details of my childhood. I also thought that seemed messy and wrong. As it turns out I now believe those two factors are what brought us together. She wanted to win. She wanted me to choose her. She was also looking for a damaged person that would be easier to control. It's all so clear now. Sad. I feel like a fool.

[@JuneJarka]

Don’t worry about feeling like a fool. We all make mistakes, even me. No one is perfect. At least you have learned some important lessons. Some people never learn, so you’re a successful person from my point of view. You didn’t get badly burnt psychologically like some people have.

[@plusone8015]

To err is human. To recognize one's mistakes allows one to admit them and rectify them. This is known as character.

[@walkietalkie6679]

Idc what people say most women are narcissist... because they don't fight with fist like we do

[@bah667]

Entitlement and selfishness comes back and Reality Bites! Peace

[@dadgad68]

Thank you Lise. I wish I had of had this information years ago. I never had an affair but my ex was toxic. Ironically after years of being single I was contacted by the girl I had a short relationship with after my separation. She was going through a divorce with someone who has narc traits. She told me she wanted to reconnect. She did everything by the book. Love bomb devalue discard. I even sent her information on narcissistic abuse to help her through her divorce. That was even projected back to me and she was calling me a narcissist. Thankfully i had educated myself enough to know what was going on. Your videos have been a huge help for me. Like you said it's hard for men to find help for narcissistic abuse. Thanks again

[@qwertak-zn5jk]

My dear God.. for a moment i felt i am in a dream while watching this video because it describes my actual life situation in such a details that no one could know about... This is so accurate...almost terrifying. Thank you soo much for this content. You have just saved me and my family. Oh God how could have I been so stupid blind and naive.

[@horiboyablemgtow7842]

My wife is a covert narc and when you see videos like this and read forums, all narcs use the same techniques, its like they all read the same book.

[@marthaelenamoratoluna6259]

It’s a mirror and I’m looking at it 😢. Did you save your marriage? What did you do? I’m in need of some advice but is different when people don’t know what I’m talking about. I hope I’m not offending you or prying. Thanks

[@horiboyablemgtow7842]

@@marthaelenamoratoluna6259 I am still living with my wife because she has been unable secure a reliable source of narc supply. My solution which has helped is to not engage with her unless it is absolutely necessary. I have a 13 year old son so I am happy that I see him each day. I was hoping that one of her affairs would steal her away but she is 44 and most dudes will only be looking for a quick smash rather than a LTR. My plan for now is being able to have daily access to my boy to ensure his protection but in the future her and I have no future. When the enemy is in the process of destroying themselves, do not interfere. Do not delude yourself, your marriage was over before it begun, these narcs only have love for themselves, everything else is a manipulation. They will never ever be faithful, its impossible for them and they will never support you unless there is something in it for themselves. Hope this helps.

[@carolinekamya2339]

They use the SAME SCRIPT - the good thing is once you know - you go

[@DrKango]

How you managed the situation ?

[@CandyOnAChopstick]

This was scarily accurate, wow! This happened when my wife was emotionally neglectful and I was in an incredibly lonely place. After my wife’s discard a couple years later, I realized this woman (who I thankfully didn’t get physical with) was also a narc. There’s something in me that causes me to get drawn to narcs unknowingly that I need to fix.

[@simontmn]

My poor dad was like this - Narcissistic wife, Narcissistic mistress 😅

[@craigy691]

Your an empath my friend

[@TheJuneuk]

You have to learn about them!

[@user-qy1qn4ni2x]

Did she accused you of being a narcissist and your wife of being crazy? Asking for a friend...

[@aselyne5631]

Your need for an ego boost because that's what love bombing does ego boost to men is one hell of a drug these women know this and fear of failure be it at marriage, relationship,friendship or business,fear can n will make you ignore all kinds of red fjags

[@kevmacmcgregor9518]

Almost word for word, she also knows male ego and how to use it!

[@sototallyover2359]

This is absolute gold. You have the best "take" on this on youtube-bare none.

[@sototallyover2359]

Bar* none

[@alfredodoardi2717]

Hey Doc, if I'd only seen this video 30 years ago! Everyone else, don't ignore or under value these steps. All of Lisa's posts I've watched have been accurate to the letter. In this video, the statement "more than you bargain for.." refers to pain, misery, and anguish.

[@craigbulkeley8827]

God , this is so true, literally happened to me, pretty much word for word. Ended up with her for 8 years before the final discard. We were both married when we met and pretty much went along exactly as portrayed here. Be careful out there.

[@scottward9976]

It’s almost as if Lisa Lablanc followed me around from Jan/April. ( minus the wife) I feel somehow vindicated as I really thought I was losing my mind. With Gratitude

[@bobleglob162]

No she followed me around last year from june to october

[@bas1010]

If they cheat with you they'll cheat on you

[@robbpowell194]

I thank God, literally, I have run from honey traps like this before they could get started. But, I have friends and family who have not...and you articulately described the results.

[@rudolf5599]

I fell for that shit. Several therapists have suggested that to me, that she manipulated me. Why did I let that happen? It's complex, but I've been coconstructing my sinking ship. The more I learn about female narcissistic behaviour the more I realise how stupid I've been. I went along through every turn with open eyes, but thinking that I must be wrong, that I have the wrong impression. That it's me projecting, that she doesn't know better... Her words never matched her actions. That made me so confused. Every fiber of my body screamed run... But yea, she had me addicted and instead of staying true to myself, I stayed, I got used to that shit and broke. For some reason I believed that we would eventually be able to have honest dialogues. But there is no honesty with narcissists because they are not honest to themselves and they don't belive that others ate either. So the world is constructed to their convenience everyday over again. One day the car is blue the other day its a bulldozer. If you point out that it was a car the other day, you get attacked for pointing out the difference. These people will never admit to anything accept when it's just fucking right in front of them, and even then they just laugh about it. They expect that you constantly take emotional responsibility for them, while they don't consider your perspective at all. They are not able to see that. Theory of mind is just not possible from their perspective. Gosh, I could go on and on...

[@DrKango]

How you managed to get out of that situation ?

[@apontutul]

Well described. That's exactly what they are

[@mapleleaf902]

Yep! The narc I am married to got involved with a narc neighbor. I was working. I went to therapy, it was so devastating. I was told they are trying to drive me out of our purchased home and then ignore her as if she isn't there. Damn if going to let some tKe my home. She started snapping, no fuel. She moved. I am disgusted at the fool I am living with. I am getting my ducks in a row. Glad it was worth it to them because I will get my joy and freedom back. This post really explained it. Thank you.

[@gretamuller9600]

This is exactly what happened to my husband. Now ex-husband. I wish them hell.

[@vwar_eaglev607]

This happened to me. A female covert broke up with me to be with a married man that she met online. The mans wife and kids were devastated but no one cared. Not my ex, not him. Maybe they are perfect for one another i suppose since they are both probably narcissists

[@ladiebugs]

My ex narc husband left my 3 children and myself for his new supply. She is definitely a narcissist herself. She knew he was married for 19 years. He gave up custody of our 3 children and moved over 1200 miles away. Terrible.

[@vwar_eaglev607]

@@ladiebugs awful, im sorry you went through that, some people have zero remorse for their actions!

[@nightrider4370]

I think this disorder and BPD intertwine sometimes.

[@lifetimeactor6789]

“Flee from Babylon! Run for your lives! Do not be destroyed because of her sins. It is time for the Lord’s vengeance; he will repay her what she deserves.” Jeremiah 51:6 “Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22 “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7

[@berner4384]

OMG the timing of this is too uncanny for the universe not to be aware! Married, yes. (separated for 8 months now). Been unsatisfied in the (sexless, biz relationship) marriage for a decade or more so looked for a side encounter (I know!). I fell head over heels in love and left my wife for the narc. I've been living rough in an apartment my ex and I had already bought to entirely gut and renovate (no hot water, no kitchen no gas etc - was a hard winter). I worked on the project and my regular job while I lived in it and my ex-wife amicably agreed to divorce when it's finished but remained married for logistical reasons. But sh*t got batsh*t craaaazy with the BPD/narc once she had me there and I found myself in an emotionally and even physically at times (her) abusive relationship but unable to walk away until I was discarded and hoovered several times. I was codependent until I woke up and saved myself. Only just last night, despite knowing what she was for some time now, I finally cut her off completely (blocked) after her recent hoover attempt. I'd been doing well and focusing on myself. My marriage was over anyway and I'm aware that what I did was completely unacceptable. But this woman is extremely alluring and extremely good at what she does! The future faking was amazing. It was the perfect storm. I wasn't aware of this disorder beforehand. It's been a learning experience and I've certainly gotten what I deserved multiple times over.

[@bobleglob162]

Yes, they are very good at what they do. It's almost as if they have sixth sense about it. I thought i had enough street smarts to keep from falling for such black magic but i wss a chump.

[@primitivedogs4638]

I do not want to hear that crap again about sexless marriage. I have heard it since I was 18 from married men. Never in my life I would listen.

[@kaloriommati6933]

I've noticed that she wants the married man to stay married just so can use his marriage as an excuse for her push&pull-game...

[@WesB1972]

I have been down that road. It has taken years to get over the divorce after she threw me in the trash and married a "friend" of mine.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Im sorry you had to go through that, I hope you recover from this experience

[@bobleglob162]

Same here. They arent married and i dont know if they will but i hope they do and i hope it ends in disaster. They are both liars

[@fifilafleur5555]

My dad fell for this garbage when he was with his 2nd wife & had 3 little kids. This predator was 13 years younger than him. She lured him with sex since she had nothing else going for her. His 2nd wife (stepmother) didn’t like sex and this predator picked up on his need for it. His marriage to stepmother ended and our family was split apart. I was living with my grandparents & dad moved her in. She would moan like an old alley cat in heat and it would wake me up at night when I had school the next day. They lived together for about 3 years and my dad still hadn’t married her... so she mysteriously got pregnant after telling my dad she couldn’t have kids. Surprise!!! Surprise!!! She got him to marry her without a prenup and stealthily pushed his other children out of his life. Only she & their daughter benefitted and she is just waiting for him to die.

[@ladiebugs]

That sounds like my situation. They are terrible people.

[@__-bc4bs]

How sad that his wife “didn’t like sex”. Sounds like a dealbreaker.

[@DG-nk5nv]

Warning: This will be long but ties into this video. After 13+ yrs of marriage, my husband cheated, and shockingly, with someone unattractive. In therapy, we found out this is way more common, than not! Even the idea of "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater" is a trope. There is a huge difference between someone who looks for affairs, versus someone who doesn't. If someone has no history of cheating and falls, especially during a dark time, something more sinister was at play (this video says it all). Most affairs, believe it or not, happen like this: 1) The new friend is nothing special, the wayward spouse senses no danger. 2) His wife sees her (or photo). Doesn't feel threatened. (I didn’t!) 3) Since he never took off his ring, the narc has no competition. She plays the friendship card, exploiting vulnerability. What was our vulnerability? We have a dying child. Our son's illness had been causing trauma, PTSD, caregiver burnout. We had been in & out of hospitals 28 times in 3 yrs. This narc's own father told her she was the ugly duckling of his daughters. Shitty. But that doesn't excuse her behavior. I know my husband's honest opinion of her when they met (because he told it not to me, but to a male friend), "She wouldn't be pretty even if she lost weight." Her father damaged her. She began seeking her self worth in the attention of men. We found out later, that while she has a clean public image, behind closed doors is another story. She cheated on her husband. Divorced him. New guy dumped her. Then came revenge porn (against ex hub). She showed people a photo of his penis, saying: "Look what I had to put up with." Of course, there's nothing wrong with his member. She was angry that he found someone else. (Narc injury- SHE cheated, but how dare he get over her?). She slept around. A mutual friend noted how her daughter said: "I better not see another man come out of your room." The fool laughed. None of this was known to us. And since then, more has come to light. When she met my husband, she knew who he was because of our son. She shared how she lost a child years ago. Like the therapist told us, based on 7 stages of grief, you never get over loss completely. But this is someone who reached the final stage, her life went on ... and now, she was preying on a broken couple. It takes a narcissist to comfort a father, while being a sledgehammer against a grieving mother. Empathy isn't selective. You either have it (for all), or you're pretending to have it as a means to an end (to get close to one specifically). We learned in therapy (as well as reading "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass) that affair fog is a scientifically recognized condition. This married person is no longer himself when the choice to cheat is made (no, that doesn't make him less culpable for his ultimate choice). A good article you can google is "The Affair Fog: What Do I Believe?" Physical attraction is not required in an affair. Pardon my language but it is the mental f--k, that leads to the physical. It was explained that a beautiful woman who knows her value, won't lap up another's leftovers. She won't lower herself, sneaking like a roach, calling at certain times. A strong woman not only respects herself, she respects other women. Narcissists, however, are NOT strong women. Even the ones who act grandiose, only do so, to mask their insecurity. But when someone knows her looks won't get much, she learns how to get what she wants another way. She likely cries on a dime to manipulate. She may be overly sexualized. She mirrors people, even female friends, in order to be liked. And in some cases when the AP is indeed pretty, that doesn't mean that was always the case. This could have been an ugly duckling that grew into a swan but you don't grow out of insecurity. Remember, no one is born a narcissist. This is developed. And yes, she got my husband into her home innocently first (her kids were home). Isn't it nice that he tells her he's trying to get into shape and suddenly, what a coincidence! She is too! She buys exercise equipment off Craigslist! And guess what! He has a pickup truck. What are the odds?! And now that he had been in her home once, why would it be weird if he visited again, to chat? Right? Pedophiles and APs are similar. It's about GROOMING. Only the age of the prey is different. Both have the inability to reflect on how their behavior is damaging others, they want supply. They both generally have a good public image. They go after the vulnerable. Children are vulnerable by the nature of innocence. Adults are vulnerable in times of crisis. Pedophiles avoid the attention of parents and APs avoid attention of wives. Pedophiles triangulate themselves against parents, convincing the child they understand & appreciate him. An AP triangulates herself against the wife, painting herself as a better fit! Pedophiles say the right thing while doing the wrong things. So do APs. This causes cognitive dissonance. Children need to be deprogrammed, cheaters need to detox. A child is not attracted to the person molesting him. It’s not quite so different within many affairs!! GROOMING. The new best friend! In many instances the physical is what actually ends up killing the fog. Like my husband told our therapist: "I was crying out that I felt married, yet alone. This AP was offering friendship & more. I got swept up, thinking I deserve this. But sex is not what I longed for. It's not like I started to think this AP was beautiful just because we crossed that line. I still thought my wife is the woman I want on my arm. My wife is my 90%, but this AP was the 10% I was missing." How many people fall for this 90/10 lie? What makes sex exciting in an affair at first, is that it's naughty & forbidden. The danger of being caught. You were hit with dopamine in newness & over-inflated attention. Now adrenaline, adds to it! But once my husband's guilt hit, sobbing, he confessed. The secret is exposed. The adrenaline part of the high diminishes. She lost already but was too stupid to see. This is where she tried emotional blackmail next, but she wasn't going to win. While affair fog is strong, it's not solid. It WILL end. Hopefully, before you lose everything. But "no contact" brings clarity quicker. Because yes, if he keeps listening to her, he does wonder: "Why doesn't my wife see how great I am, the way she does?" It's the best friend delusion. So despite not finding her appealing, he still felt attached to the "drug" that numbed his reality. Yes, she DID dig for info on how our son's illness was affecting our marriage. He told her: "After diagnosis, my wife shut down." And she responds: "OMG, my ex did that. I begged him to open up! It broke my heart." Bam! She just passively aggressively validated him, while invalidating me. Narcissistic fog & affair fog are the same. That's why, statistically, most marriages survive. Most not only survive, they come out stronger. Affairs are fake. Google: ODDS OF AN AFFAIR MAKING IT. That's all you need. Life grew boring or painful. You are swayed by newness. New puppy, new house, new car: dopamine fires in your brain. All your stories and jokes are new again and this person is on you like white on rice. That's why Affair Recovery teaches: "You can't affair proof a marriage. You must affair proof yourself." Laugh all you want when someone says: "Avoid friends of the opposite sex." Call it trust issues, immature, or stupid because after all, you've had friends of the opposite gender your whole life. There's a reason professionals who have studied infidelity for ages say this. What happened when you were single, having newness all the time ... cannot apply to what happens when you're married, newness is gone, and you're facing difficulty. PLEASE UNDERSTAND: THE CHEATER IS GUILTY WHETHER HE WENT LOOKING OR NOT. It doesn't matter who started it. Even if affair fog dictates he was no longer in his right mind, his betrayal began, the moment he talked about his wife. He loaded the gun that shot him. So ask yourself: why do we overshare? A lot of times it's because of "instant credibility." You have mutual friends/coworkers, in common with this person. She's not random. Back to pedophiles: kids aren't often molested by strangers, are they? It's someone known to the family or whose status is considered safe. The pain a betrayed spouse feels comes from the same brain center as physiological pain. It's not just your heart that broke. Your safety was destroyed. No one has a right to do this to another human being. Life is NOT about vows. I can smell a narc when I hear things like: "He made the vows, she didn't." Let's put that into perspective. What if I never married? May I harm whoever I want, whenever I want, just because I never vowed not to? Hell no. Based on basic human decency we should all treat others, as we want to be treated. This is something a narc is not capable of. I'm writing a book about what happened to us. I want people to know that: "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is false. The friendship that went wrong is far more common. We just don't hear about it until it happens to us. Think about it: Would you want your 10 yr old son's classmates to know his mommy cheated on his daddy with the youth pastor at church? No! Wouldn't your 17 yr old daughter be humiliated that dad cheated on mom with his coworker? Yes! Most couples heal quietly, trying to protect their families. We don't know about the common affair until it happens to us. I've won. Not because my husband fought to make amends. Truth is, I would have won even if he left the marriage because I would be better off without him if he feels no remorse, right? So why did I win? I would never do to anyone, what the female narcissist was thrilled to do to me. That is priceless.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Im so sorry to hear about your son and what happened in your marriage. You sound like you are a strong and intuitive person after all of this, thanks for sharing 🕊

[@rudolf5599]

I'm sorry for what you've been through. It must have been very hard. From reading your text I get a sense that you think a lot about what other people think and say and believe. Maybe that is true in the world you live that people are very judgmental, and I'm sorry for that too because that must be very difficult to manoeuvre. A perfect world seems to have been destroyed by the fact that you partner cheated. I've never cheated or been cheated on (at least not to my knowledge) so I don't know how it must feel, but I've the sentiment that we are all humans and we make mistakes. It's important to know, can we still find the trust within us even when others have failed us? Live happens and we have to deal with it. I find it wrong to blame it all on this woman and to devalue her. It wasn't right what she did - but your pain is your pain. She has brought that to the surface but she is not the cause of that. She may very well have npd, but you cannot know for a fact. You don't know her story. She can sleep with as many men as she pleases. That doesn't make her a narcissist. I also don't understand why her looks are relevant. Maybe she is able to share a special emotional connection with people. That doesn't make her a narcissist. Forgive your husband. Obviously he still loves you, otherwise you wouldn't give him another chance. Forgive yourself. Live is not ment to be perfect. It's a roller coaster for everyone with ups and downs, easy bits and challenges.

[@DG-nk5nv]

@@rudolf5599 With all due respect, you said that you have never cheated, nor been cheated on, and then you proceeded to minimize my trauma, never having been in my shoes. Maybe you don't realize it, but that's what you did- telling me my pain is my pain and she didn't cause it, but brought it to the surface. My son is dying. Did you miss that? She didn't bring that to the surface, no. The problem is that it was already on the surface. Our pain is public here. Our son's illness is so rare, we were on the news. As soon as my husband was introduced, she knew exactly who he is and who I am ... because of our son. And she pounced on that pain. The therapist read all her messages and had no doubt what her game was, even down to how she passively aggressively invalidated me, without getting my side of the story. As for her looks not being relevant ... with all due respect, again, since you have never been through it- you can't grasp why that DOES matter. When someone is betrayed, their self esteem is hit. We wonder why did this happen? Was I not enough? Did I do something wrong? And then we learn in therapy, this didn't happen because we are not enough. As Dr. Debi Silber said in her speech: "Even though this happened to you, it was never about you." Someone who is not enough to herself, had no issue with your sloppy seconds. You never did anything to her, you never hurt her in any way, but she not once considered the hurt being caused to you. As you were in the worst pain of your life, she was thrilled, thinking she was getting your husband. No empathy. As this video by Lise shows, this person, manipulates. So no, I did not devalue her by stating what we learned in therapy. I never mentioned her name, only what we were taught ... You disputed me having the opinion that the female in our situation is a narcissist. Did you watch this entire video? She did all of it and then some. You said her sleeping around doesn't make her a narcissist. That tells me, you did not read what I wrote. I mentioned more than just her "sleeping around" You also said and I quote (will copy/paste your exact words so there is no mistake): "I find it wrong to blame it all on this woman and to devalue her" ... I already explained the devaluing. You may think truth is devaluing, but it's not. Strong people don't become affair partners. FACT. Insecure people do. But aside from that ... saying I'm blaming it all on her, again, proves to me, you did not read what I wrote. I very deliberately stressed, and in caps of all things: "THE CHEATER IS GUILTY WHETHER HE WENT LOOKING OR NOT." I even added it doesn't matter who started it. I said his betrayal began the moment he talked about his wife. What am I missing? The only reason I spent so much time talking about the affair partner, is because this video is about the affair partner. This video is not about the cheater. But let's keep talking ... I love debate! If I'm going to have a future working with couples hurt by infidelity, then I need to be ready for push back.

[@robbpowell194]

This is gold. If you write a book, I'd buy it. I would often say that if I ever cheated, it would be with someone I respected and who was empathetic. When our oldest son died, I instinctively pushed away from any woman who leaned into my grief.

[@primitivedogs4638]

Our weddingrings got stolen(!) lucky coincidence for one of us.

[@MrJfortheElohim]

Sound like you describing the devil aka Jezebel woman.

[@howardhdavidson]

It’s the old adage if it’s too good to be true it usually is..

[@whitemamba2720]

My question is how this differs from how a non-narcissistic woman would go about seducing a married man. It seems to me that there may not be many differences until after they have gotten what they wanted.

[@vkrgfan]

Non narcissistic woman would go about this the same way, women that grew up in toxic environment can only relate by manipulation, they enjoy the game process not the relationship itself or the person that they are trying to lure. Sometimes they ruin marriages for the sake of ruining, they didn’t plan to be with the person long term.

[@richsmith4180]

From personal experience - this is SPOT on - 100%

[@kcren38]

This would be an intricate, brilliant scheme if anyone planned it out. But this is INSTINCTIVE for the narcissist. Lise, how in the world do covert narcissists all get wired to act this way?

[@bobleglob162]

Damn good question. It makes it even scarier that they're naturally good at it

[@plusone8015]

Getting groomed is creepy AF. Eat that organic brown rice and get a golden retriever 🐕

[@Watts378]

My gf and I love your vids Lise - we find the phycology fascinating. Keep up the great content!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you so much 🙏

[@cht2162]

Lise, where were you when I needed to hear this? What a price I've paid and am still paying.

[@Craigdna]

Thank you for sharing your informative posts as they have helped me a lot. I managed an attempt of a poem about narcissism and I hope it is alright that I share it. So here it is. The Claws of a Narcissist By Craig Childers Narcissism is becoming more frequently known, A dysfunctional prefrontal cortex as science has shown, The self objectivity is absent you see And they are null and void of any empathy, They exploit and coerce with triangulation, And engage in emotional indoctrination They have fantasies of unlimited success, While keeping their targets in constant duress, On top of the world in their delusional state, Manipulating others is clearly their fate, They will devalue you amongst your friends From their relentless spite, there is no end They expect all praise and admiration As they indulge in their targets humiliation They will over idealize with all their intent With no introspection in a mind well bent The narcissist does not make any mistakes And in their exploits there are no brakes There is no light in the mind of a narcissist Just arrogance, darkness, and haughtiness They exert circular reasoning and gas lighting And straw man fallacy partners with belittling They engage word salad in a manipulative tone And recruit flying monkeys to keep their targets alone So pompous, entitled, and grandiose, But that is what the public wants to see Control is destiny in their insecure mind To your right and your left, you’ll find like kind Their charm and charisma will mesmerize all But failure’s fear can make them fall And in the prefrontal cortex that science now knows Are the claws of a narcissist that continue to glow It would be nice to make it open for others to make revisions and make community poems ini a sense. Thanks again Lise.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Great poem!

[@Craigdna]

@@Jess-kn8vl Thanks, and I appreciate you giiving it a read.

[@juliekeener9730]

Very well done! 👏👏 Thank you for sharing🙏 I'm sorry you endured that horrific experience. I'm an escaped survivor daughter of a female covert malignant narc birth monster. 👹 I witnessed this vile behavior of her targeting married or committed men while growing up🤮 along with being terrorized covertly my entire life. These monsters are MASTERS of destruction! I hope you have learned to give yourself grace and forgiveness in your healing journey. 🙏💚 Sending blessings, strength and continued healing vibes your way🙏💪💪💚💫

[@Craigdna]

@@juliekeener9730 One thing it has done for me, has added a new dimension to those moments of privacy that I do get. The solice is much more.profound. Having to deal with it from a mother is an entirely different ball of wax, as the narcissist has full and complete control over someones entire youth, and the dependency as serious control factor. There is no longer lasting, worse experience, than having a parent that way. How can you un-condition yourself from an entire youth?

[@nicolewaters2581]

Excellent poem creatively depicting the narcissist. The Straw Man…..good one.

[@marilynmeisel4661]

My first hubby was seduced this way, but it started with triangulation, where she pretended to be my friend. My last boyfriend was taken the same way. I refused the triangulation, but she managed to do it anyway. Even though he admits I did nothing wrong, he never wants to see me again.

[@horiboyablemgtow7842]

I suspect my wife targets married men because she is jealous of his wife, they are driven by envey.

[@davesmithers143]

100% accurate.. exactly the experience I had .. Lisa is right and unbelievable in describing the experience

[@marcossouzadias8824]

Unbelievably accurate

[@Bold11x]

This is step by step EXACTLY what happened to me!!! Ended up pregnant so I was stuck and didnt realize what had happened until years later.

[@brianpead3692]

Lise, a fabulous summary of the psychodrama as it plays out (as I have sadly found out to my cost). I am a 71 year old man and think it's wonderful that you see things from the male perspective. I very much admire you, your delivery and your excellent work. Sincere thanks, Brian

[@jaisonstanley]

Lisa , I'm seriously thinking if I am in one. Folks Lisa by far is the top specialiast on this subject. every point covered here is spot on.

[@its-all-good]

*Lise

[@wandRng]

Run!!!

[@Horsel335]

What? This is exactly what happened!

[@roaravi]

Ma’am ur a Godsend angel for me. Just broke up a 4 year old relationship with a covert female and have been very depressed and confused lately…but after watching a few videos of urs…it hits like a brick on my face and it’s scary to realise that I was being played the whole time. Thank u ma’am from the bottom of my heart ❤️ 🙏🏼.

[@Kannox666]

Wow. It's like having a guide about how it really worked and developed in my case.

[@Jtanman93]

My ex who was either npd/bpd discarded me and immediately hooked up with a married guy, preceded to tell me about it, and then started asking for my help and advice when she felt bad about being a side piece. A totally abusive disgusting human

[@Zero_Zero_Zero_Zero]

Thanks to Lise I just keep the gate locked all the time now except for grocery delivery. I don't answer the phone, and never go out. Just working out in my home gym and avoiding women at all cost. It's great. I'm the healthiest I've ever been, I'm debt free, and saving so much money. She's basically a gym coach and financial counselor disguised as a relationship expert.

[@RigoMurillo]

This is also true if the man isn't married. I have identified a few women like this. Thank you, @LiseLeblanc for your insightful and informative videos!

[@aerinalese8636]

These steps are also the same when a female covert narcissist targets a married or unmarried woman on non binary person.

[@LaserJake99]

Totally. They run the same program even if you're single.

[@eleanortrinidad4403]

Perfectly said! Thank you!

[@realKHz]

absolutely spot on! everything you've described. i want to cry

[@cherylvanesch3086]

The male covert narcissist has the same playbook

[@paulwilliams5013]

Another excellent presentation! Thank you.

[@MrNATSFAN11]

Very well put!

[@jowejowe]

-Thanks for making this video.

[@smokedawg9371]

Lisa Leblanc this was so well thought out. Each step was covered with such clarity. Nice work !!!

[@mekman4]

This is very helpful. Thank you.

[@samdeliriousdemonous6251]

Thank you so much for another eye opening video. "Well" wasted 8 years behind and Im ready to stop this madness. God blesd you

[@timothyskaggs945]

Yep, had that happen exactly how she described it. Much wiser for having had that happen to me.

[@tubab72]

Excellent explanation

[@robo2491]

Outstanding video. You described an experience I had with a female narcissist years ago to the letter. I wish I saw this back then. Great video! 👍👌

[@user-di7de7pl1t]

Very accurate step by step explanation of my life

[@sammboogie]

So basically they want to future fake and wreck your life obviously you shouldn’t have an affair but that is just trying to wreck your life or your family’s life

[@jadamosx]

Big big thank You ! Covert narcissist females - knowledge about them it's like "forbiden knowledge" in this time. You help me to understand what was/is going on in my 30-year marriage. I'm a shadow of a man which I was but Your video materials bring me hope for back to life. Thank You very, very much !

[@CarlosAlbertoCastanedaVeira]

Lise, the information in this video is helping me to understand part of my life. Thank you for posting great quality content, I hope tons of people affected by a narcicist spouse watch this, so they get encouraged to seek for profesional help. God bless you.

[@andykalnins9846]

Thank you for this information. I very narrowly avoided starting a relationship with a narcissistic woman a year and a half ago. I was unfamiliar with narcissistic behavior, but I knew something was wrong, the rudeness, disrespect,deflecting, was all intentional. I was aware of the red flags and did not ignore them. As a Sigma INFJ, my intuition really saved me, and telling my sister everything for an outside perspective. Fortunately, walked away before anything went anywhere,and it still took a lot of healing from the trauma. Thanks to your video, know exactly what I avoided.

[@sawit_b4u]

when I feel a slip/relapse into the what-if fantasies where I idealized her/Us, I come back to this video as a great refresher/reminder of what I went through - it reinforces my No Contact wall. thank you so much!

[@KarlChristofferson]

jeez, dating sites are a perfect entry for these women and single guys. I fell for it. I was weak and vulnerable. Fast forward. She friggen hates you, youre a piece of shit and worthless, but she cant leave you alone. She won't go away. She hired a private investigator, she befriended my ex-wife and my new wife's ex. She was abscessed with me but not for me. it was a game. She spent thousands in court accusing me of everything right down to daily beatings and stalking. Guys, know who you are dealing with. Red flags are real. God don't have a kid with her.

[@logonbd]

Hi Lise! I'm a big fan of your KZbin channel and the insightful content you create. I wanted to suggest a topic that I think would be fascinating to explore: 'Female Covert Narcissist's Fragile Ego.' It's an often overlooked aspect of narcissism, and delving into the characteristics, behaviors, and challenges related to the fragile ego of female covert narcissists could provide valuable insights for your viewers. I believe it would be a thought-provoking and informative video. Thank you for considering it! Keep up the great work!"

[@Alan-zj5fz]

Please do a video on men pursuing a married women and trying to be covert in front of the husband . This has happened to Us and My Wife said he had a crush on Her and then went silent . This has caused my extreme depression to worsen .

[@marcossouzadias8824]

It’s remarkable how accurate this is, and the way this script keeps playing out globally. The only plausible cause is that narcs are more common than it seemed some years ago. Anyway, your videos provide a crucial service. Thank you

[@user-mc9lo3dx3d]

Thank you Mother Mary for heroic purity and true love that shows us what real beauty looks like! Thank you for showing us how to treat our brothers in modesty and with genuine honesty!! Example taken!🙏🏻

[@richardhamilton7332]

Thank you Mrs/Miss Leblanc very good of you to focus your show on men and the effects and abuse women N's put on men.

[@jacksavage279]

Thank you Dr. For what you are doing for men.

[@benscott6826]

Wow 😮. Very insightful.

[@jaisway]

My situation is a married female covert narcissist hoovering me back again after I was devalued and discarded via text. 2 years later she got my attention and she broke no contact. It is like a replay of our first go round with more push pull dynamics. Maybe I'm the next in line or I'm just being bread crumbed slowly. I'm not showing as much attention this go round or buying the connection. Once you know who you are dealing with it really changes the dynamics. You can clearly see how a covert narcissist operates. I'm just living my life and not taking this seriously. I'm a single guy and I can go out with anyone I want. This is what led to the discard the first time... I was spotted with another woman. Instant devalued and discarded.. BUT here we are again just like before lol. Narcs are boomerangs. They always come back for more. It's wild!

[@joaophellipefreitaspinto4702]

it is possible this scenario aplies to a borderline too? or this video is only to Female Covert narcisists?

[@resiolotto]

So the only way out is to bore her 😂

[@charlesterrell2507]

Lisa Lebleau you are spot on how many you could not lay out my stupid life any better I’ve been completely sideswiped love bomb sex bomb discarded everything I’m learning a lot from you I enjoy the videos

[@Chris558576]

Thank you for this.

[@freeradical1567]

Yup! Nailed it.

[@chasradcliffe1045]

This is so true, it happened to me my ex female narcissist. Did this to me when she fell for a taxi driver rugged to my face at the same time I’m very thankful she’s gone.

[@marybowers6090]

My ex who is a covert narcissist was poached by another covert narcissist. Jokes on them, they each thought the other was an empath. She wound up baby trapping him, and telling him she lost her apt and had no where to live. he refused to marry her, he cheated, she cheated and stopped sleeping with him, lol, justice served. That’s not the half of it, what a circus.

[@abdallahkasajja8219]

Mis Lise you agift to us because you have healed my wound after reading your article but I almost lost my beautiful wife after falling in love with a female convert

[@starlingafrica8791]

I adore your female covert narcistisc videos im watching them not to get trapped by a f.c Narcisistic due to a vision God warned me to avoid death and misery...