How a Narcissist Interprets Forgiveness- Day 12

[@Pinkmeg1989]

They expect forgiveness but refuse to forgive anyone. They hold on to everything.

[@msliberated3899]

They’re entitlement to forgiveness is APPALLING

[@michellecardenas6072]

​@@msliberated3899 yes, 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@pinkrose3230]

I've notice that they keep turning the hurting words or action in his mind and between each conversation they will keep talking about it again and again..

[@luzdubon8996]

Yes, and they are so quick to judge others very harshly, oh! but they are perfect, and if you dare to point at their shortcomings, you are asking for "THE NARCISSISTIC RAGE" to explode!!!!!. 😱 🤣

[@felixbruno7937]

THAT IS ARGUABLY TRUE. However, freely ye have received freely give. Forgiveness means I forgive you. However, Gods love is unconditional, our forgiveness and love for others is conditional.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Forgiveness also doesn't mean you will continue to let people abuse you.

[@aleenanewman]

Forgive yourself. Forgive the narcissist. Do not let them back in your life. NO CONTACT

[@littlelambs7044]

We had to do this to my mother-in-law.

[@felixbruno7937]

Jesus sat with sinners. He said go and sin no more. And many times He said, Are you willing to be made whole…….

[@M400fan]

Forgiving yourself is nowhere found in the Bible. And forgiving an unrepentant professing Christian is also contrary to Jesus’ teaching (Lk 17:3-5). They need to repent, as Kim rightly says.

[@itsintheword230]

​@M400fan ....you forgot Matthew 16...." For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly. Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their. trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Men= everyone not just Christians. Unforgiveness leads to bitterness

[@felixbruno7937]

@@itsintheword230 Right. That’s the Lord’s Prayer. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them who trespass against us.

[@DoloresJRush]

"Talk is cheap. The best apology is changed behavior." (~ Carolyn Vosburg).

[@Wookinpanub235]

Oh I’ve used that line on toxic narcissists before. The other one they hiss and spit at is “Trust needs to be earned.” They say “That tough love stuff don’t work on me.” Well of course it doesn’t when you’re 50 years old and your codependent mommy always makes sure to bail you out and then scolds the rest of the family for not forgiving you like she does.

[@melissaculpepper7663]

“A tree shall be known by its fruit”~Jesus Christ~

[@LouisaWatt]

“I’m sorry I lashed out at you like a demon on heroin” 😆😆😂🤣 perfectly put

[@msliberated3899]

That was so flipping funny 😄

[@TheRealMonnie]

@@msliberated3899 and very good descriptive language for what a narcissist mother turns in to 😞

[@andykirk26]

Excellent description! 👏🏼👏🏼👌🏼

[@octoberdawn1087]

Right!?!??! Whew.

[@bonniemock3110]

I laughed LOUDLY when she said that... but wow. that is a perfect description!

[@HisGalDani]

My father gave an apology, full of tears, in all general terms, nothing specific. Less than 5 min after I said I forgave him, his phony tears dried up and he was back to his arrogant self saying, “Of course I did nothing wrong” blah,blah,blah. I learned that I don’t have to tell the narcissistic that he is forgiven, just God. The narcissist won’t understand that it’s not ok to do the evil things they do.

[@jaonmarymccormack3078]

My mother was the very same. But I look at people as someone who christ died for but I never tolerated her abuse and in the end I stopped being around her She was so toxic and sadistic.

[@luzdubon8996]

Exactly like mine, after crying, promising to change, and being forgiven, he claims no wrong doing, It drives me crazy 😱, I have begged him to leave and divorce me countless times, but then he acts charming and caring, and I have hope again.

[@jaonmarymccormack3078]

I got the tears of I did my best from my mother when I confronted her about her abuse and how I wanted to die as a child. And the depression I was suffering. Then her hatred came back to normal. My brother took his own life because of the abuse she inflicted on him and he was suffering depression because of it. She said did you ever hear such crap, depression. It's disgusting how she never was held accountable for her actions . She should have been in prison for child abuse and neglect. I loved it that she no longer had power over me coming up to her death. In the middle of extreme abuse she demanded we serve her needs I walked away and took care of my own needs and she had to go to a nursing home. She stayed angry and bitter and wanted total control to her last breath. I was delighted to be free of her and never to have to look at her evil hateful eyes full of contempt. As her scapegoat. I am starting to heal. Using counselling books prayers. And going no contact with narcissist family members

[@luzdubon8996]

@@jaonmarymccormack3078 Thanks for sharing your story, so sorry you had it so ruf in your early years, I just want to hug you and tell you God is not like that and he will turn your sadness into joy, he is near the broken hearted and loves you so much 🤗

[@blgallas]

I told my sister I forgave her awhile back. She immediately said, “So you’re saying I didn’t do that right?” I said, No.

[@k60c85]

My covert narcissist sister threatened to tell things about my past and I told her “I’ve already been forgiven, and if she feels the need to do that, then it is between her and God now”

[@nathaliealcantarana]

What did you do to her? Rape her, molest her? Because then you should be dead, forgiven but your life should be forfeit for basically taking Hers My point is, forgiving someone their sins doesn’t mean those sins don’t completely ruin the person it was done against them. She most likely is not threatening you. She is being it up because you never actually repented. You expect her to run on two legs when you’re the one who cut off one of her legs, expect her to forgive you and not bring it up to anyone that she needs help because her sibling cut off her leg. That’s how that works bucko, whatever it is that you did, God forgives you and you will spend eternity with God, but on earth, what you do will always rob the other person of the life they could’ve had. That pain, that death will be there until she dies. What you are observing in you sister is that she has not been healed and may not be healed from what you did until Jesus returns

[@r.p.8906]

??? @KrisReece

[@k60c85]

@@r.p.8906 it was “my past,” and had nothing to do with her if that’s what you’re referring to.

[@LibbySlaughter101]

@@nathaliealcantarana Weird.

[@michellehinds6092]

I am dealing w the NPD and can not afford to leave. I'm working on leaving quietly. All you say is textbook true. I'm struggling w forgiveness in Godly way. Finding this lesson is God's sent. My father is also NPD, as well as my deceased mother. My father was legitimately diagnosed. I am a codependent personality and am in therapy. This NPD has ruined all aspects of my life, and I believe he murdered my pet. A story as to why in itself l. Ty for teaching the meaning of forgiving w/o being a sucker for it.

[@kjbrocky]

Forgiveness requires repentance. Most people ignore this very important condition.

[@jidoorifalcon]

So true!!!! I have tried to point this out, but many are skeptical. If a man does not repent, the Lord whets his sword. We do not receive salvation unless we repent

[@diedonnerfrau7565]

Sorry is only as good as the next time.

[@tarlankasra]

THANK YOU!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@jmg3720]

Forgiveness doesn’t require repentance but reconciliation does. The offender may never ask for forgiveness or change . It takes time to rebuild trust and without trust there cannot be reconciliation. It’s okay to forgive and let go of the relationship. Forgiveness is a must for our healing. I personally don’t want to be a bitter person but a sweeter person.

[@POS3278]

I use to think this as well, but I'm not so sure anymore. When Jesus was on the cross he said "father forgive them for they not know what they do". I often thought about this and was wondering if he was talking about the Roman soldiers just doing their job. But now, I'm starting to think it is everyone, including the Pharisees. Even though, earlier he called them sons of Satan. I know my husband wants to be a good husband, father and child of God and he would be these things if his eyes were open to the value of how to obtain these things. His eyes are not, so as difficult as it is, I'm trying to view him as one that "knows not what he does". For him, it is much more compelling and compulsive to "best" everyone and fulfill his desires first and foremost. He's responsible for this choice, but if he saw the way of life that God designed him to be and have, then he would most definitely make the good choice. He simply has scales over his eyes of the value of the right path. He thinks it is a broken crooked path because of the vices that he must bow down to. I suppose it's a little bit like an addiction to himself. Some people are addicted to alcohol and some are addicted to p*** and even some are addicted to food, but for him, he's addicted to the things he must maintain for himself. Narcissist things. What do you think?

[@KDT227]

The beauty of forgiveness is that it’s not dependent on their apology or even their repentance❤

[@lauramcgregor8298]

God parted the red sea for me to escape my covert "Christian" narcissist and taught me so many lessons about repentance, forgiveness, and the Biblical role of a wife. We ended up divorcing after I saw time and time again that he was not repentant, but I was able to forgive. God is good to me. It was a painful process, but by the grace of God, I can move forward. He will give back the years the locust has stolen and deliver us. God is our refuge

[@kimberlygreidanus5639]

Amen, Yes The Lord is giving back and more than what was stolen from us, we may have been short-changed BUT GOD, AMEN

[@bellag2864]

Amen, God parted the red sea for me to escape the abusive narcissist too. I think they have the same spirit of Pharaoh that refused to humble himself before God. God wins!

[@lauramcgregor8298]

@@bellag2864 yes!

[@dianealbert3]

The Lord brought you out of Egypt… 🤲🙏💜✝️

[@krisannaviglione1364]

Thank you. Very inspiring 🙏🙏

[@julienelson4874]

Yes please do a teaching on whether a Narcissist can be saved! Thanks!

[@melissaculpepper7663]

All who call upon the Name of Christ Jesus will be saved! It requires humility, so, everyone does have a choice whether or not to choose to humble the,selves before God Almighty. Pray for them, without ceasing.

[@s.a565]

I grew up in a very abusive household that deserves prosecution in a court of Law. For most of my adult life, I blocked it out as a means of coping. Of recent, I'm expected to care for one of my abusers in old age. This has forced me to seek acknowledgment, apology and justice. It's left me tormented, exhausted, bitter and twisted and full of rage. I am a hypocrite claiming to love Christ, yet secretly harbouring anger and hate. Create in me a pure, forgiving and loving heart I pray dear God. That I may truly be a child of God.

[@barb9445]

I'm so sorry you've endured so much suffering. I'd recommend you watch Joyce Meyer's testimony. It sounds like you have a very similar story to hers. She has overcome her painful past, and so will you! I will be praying for you S.A.

[@jenmayo777]

Sending you so much love, grace and peace. He loves you. He is with you in this and through this. He has never and will never leave you. 💛💛💛🌷🌷🌷

[@xo_xiomara_xo]

I’m praying with and for you.

[@lovearttherapyalways]

I understand your pain and your feelings. You are Not expected to be super human and not feel your feelings just because you are a Christian! I suggest that you to try to seek some type of understanding and discussion with the person you need to care for but without too much expectation from them.. it is not an easy situation at all! Most of all I suggest you bring all your pain and anger to the Lord! Pray about it daily until He brings you His peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray God comforts you and guides you in this! Sending hugs!!!!

[@marjoriemurray4381]

You are a true child of God’s and He will walk with you to victory. It helps (for me it does) to know how rejected despised and abused our Saviour was and still He offers forgiveness. With my abuser the Holy Spirt said to me, “ Do good to those who spitefully use you” (we do not have to like them). I heard this and gave temporary attention to what He said like the example He gave in His word: the seed that fell on rocky ground … I dismissed it and went on about my way. I would say, “Do good to your abuser and when they pass from this world, you will not have the added guilt and sadness that you might have for withholding.

[@casalasa321]

I truly appreciate you. I can't afford therapy and your videos have been a life changer for me.

[@deborahchrisman6239]

Psychological help is literally saying “Soul” help. WHO IS THE BEST and CHIEF PHYSICIAN? Your Creator, the Living God and Messiah, and the only God who gave us the written WORD THAT CAN ONLY BE UNDERSTOOD WITH EYES GIVEN TO US TO SEE, HEAR, AND UNDERSTAND, the HOLY SPIRIT, HIMSELF. GOD provided for you in your need!! Thank you for sharing what you wrote! The Lord, He alone is GOOD!!

[@jesussaves9886]

The way I was raised , I learned my mothers ways . I did not know it was toxic behavior . I thought I had normal behavior . Once the Holy Spirit came into my life , He cleansed me from that toxic behavior . He healed me . Now I feel ashamed of that behavior and no longer want to be that way anymore . By the grace of God , I am healed . Thank you Jesus , you deserve all the glory ❤ ❤❤🙏🏻✝️❣️

[@luzdubon8996]

Then, you have experience The New Birth, praise The Lord!!! 🌄 🎉

[@dianecelento4974]

Amen

[@Revdrjuliusweche]

This is what I have always thought; that once God through His Holy Spirit comes into your life, you cannot continue with narcissistic behaviours. Unfortunately I know those who persist in those behaviours yet call themselves born again believers. How now?? Who is fooling whom??

[@millyryan3948]

Wow praise God he can do anything! So rare for a narcissist to accept Jesus and truly change its a real miracle.

[@jesussaves9886]

@@Revdrjuliusweche very true . My mother is a covert narcissist. She claims to be born again . But the fruit she produces is evidence that she is not born again . She is imagining and creating a false image of herself . When the Holy Spirit changes a person , they are freed from past demonic spirits or generational curse that caused the person in continual sin .

[@runningwarrior5468]

You can forgive a narcissist without verbalizing it to them.

[@alicerivas6727]

My son called my husband, after five years of silence, and said, “I know it’s been a while since I called.” Then they proceeded to talk about new dogs, cars and the like. Never mentioning me or the heart achingly dishonoring behavior that he has shown us since 2018. No sorry, no mention of the distance, just going right back into relationship. You never get an honest apology or conversation from toxic people.

[@arthurorr5540]

As a male abuse survivor with a narcissistic daughter I am very grateful that today you have touched my life and my heart

[@LibbySlaughter101]

My brother told me he was willing to 'forgive & forget' everything - 'as an act of Christian charity' & I foolishly let him back into my life. He behaved 'normally' and I began to have hope - until one day he exploded and began his old character assassination - even blaming me & others for the failure of his marriage! The vitriole sucked the oxygen out of the room. - I went straight back to no contact & will never trust him again. I pray that somehow God heals him.

[@sheilabradshaw7540]

That’s how distorted their thinking is. To take forgiving them as acceptance, permission, to behave the way they do

[@em0craze]

99 3/4 of the time you won’t be getting an apology from a narcissist

[@roxie30673]

I always wondered how someone can hear “ I forgive “ and do the exact thing again. Now I know how.

[@christinehanson6496]

I echo the sentiment to do a program on whether a narcissist can be saved. Thank you.

[@lovearttherapyalways]

I do not think a full blown narcissist can be saved because in order to truly repent they need to be honest and fully repent from their pride and other awful traits. God is NOT mocked and many will say Lord, Lord did we not .... The Pharisees and plenty of other Christians do works before men and harbour awful pride thinking because they call themselves Christians they are saved. No! The fruits of a person tells you all!

[@karenlawton2549]

Yeah. I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around their ability to see themselves as a sinner needing saving

[@EKPittman]

@@lovearttherapyalways God can save anybody but I believe that the narcissist are giving over to a reprobate mind. That’s what I believe

[@DiscernmentNow]

@@lovearttherapyalways 'Actions speak louder than words'. Boy, do they!

[@DiscernmentNow]

@@karenlawton2549 absolutely! Or, saying they are saved, YET, no change of heart. Or superficial slight change in character, but obvious underlying same anger.

[@barbarat5729]

I have been overwhelmed the last two days watching these videos. I am SO VERY GRATEFUL for such clear, scriptural guidance. My oldest sister spent her whole life running me down to anyone who would listen. Constantly brought up mistakes I had made YEARS (like 40) ago. Nothing was EVER her fault and she NEVER did anything wrong. Being raised in the church I was taught to forgive. I can forgive. But I won't forget and I won't allow myself to be abused any more.

[@rachelwicks383]

I agree!

[@sunnybajoras4364]

In 41 years he's said Sorry 3 times. The first time he immediately said, didn't you want to get a turkey? and got in the car. The other 2 times he said absolutely nothing, just sorry. All the other times were ignored. I used to wait months expecting a response. Then I'd bring up only one and he'd fly into a rage while blaming me for ruining the good time he had just given me! He was stunned when I prayed with him there and God answered. He tried every trick to stop my separation but he hadn't considered that God was in control!

[@MeherScholar]

Other classic non-apologies: "I'm sorry YOU couldn't understand when I first explained this to you." "I'm sorry that YOU get all upset over nothing." It's like they think that the ability to insert the word "sorry" in a sentence constitutes an apology.

[@AmyWhite-p7p]

@@MeherScholar "I'm sorry you see it that way" was always my favorite apology.

[@jbbizzle828]

I tried to forgive one such person and it backfired. This person said they didn't need my forgiveness or any type of relationship with me (Fine by me!) . God, what a nasty, spiteful piece of work!

[@karastrand3218]

When I forgave my narcissist, it opened the door for their repeated destructive behavior towards me and my children.

[@jessicarichards1623]

I've had that experience too

[@lorenaperrodin8210]

I got the impression from Chris, it may be best to not verbalize forgiveness to the narcissist. They only twist the forgiveness into a pass for continued behavior. You need to forgive for your well being. (that means not seeking revenge) Forgetting is not forgiving. No contact may the only way the narcissist can be kept from sinning against you again and again. Give them to Jesus. Their sins against you will not go unnoticed or remain without consequences. They will get a Jesus spanking in God's time.

[@elenifotopoulou4127]

Forgive and forget that is how families and flying monkeys sent "messages " as if nothing ever happened and you go back and the same treatment starts and same cycle starts and then you back at fault for their behavior because you don't Forgive and forget and you don't fall back in line. You can forgive but you don't want a relationship with them because you know what happens every time

[@bethannebaggs2341]

Both of my grandma's were narcissists and Grandpa's were very passive. My mom was narcissist and dad was passive aggressive. I was greatly bullied all through school and then I married a narcissist. I'm now separated after 41 years of marriage. I've also separated myself from my siblings. Even though I'm going through a divorce and my parents both died in the past 9 months, I'm beginning to feel stronger. I have enjoyed your videos!

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation

[@amandachilds5290]

Great point right off the bat, Godly forgiveness is NOT foolish and is the right type of forgiveness we need to learn and use. Ungodly forgiveness can actually be a sin is what a pastor taught me because it is a type of pride or denial. You cannot improve on God's rules for forgiveness expressed in the Bible and cannot Out forgive God. The world tries to teach an ungodly form of forgiveness and tolerance and makes it into a feeling too instead of a process that includes both parties when done well. ALSO the narcissist sees it a 4th way, eventually they see it as WEAKNESS after they test and retest the other 3 ways of looking at it. They are particularly cruel to things they see as weak.so.more forgiveness s and understanding gets met with more anger and resentment.

[@Stalkedbyapsycho]

I can’t help how a narcissist interprets my forgiveness. That’s on them. I know why I forgive what some see as unforgivable. I chose to forgive because it’s the right thing to do and judgment is for God to deal out, not me. Yes I will aid in prosecution if the law allows because that is the right thing to do as well. But I can still forgive. Punishment doesn’t negate forgiveness. Separation from ruinous people doesn’t mean I don’t forgive them. A narcissist can’t understand this. It’s sad but true

[@eden7440]

Every time I confront the narc in my life over something really hurtful he's done he replies with, "well YOU do that!" He always turns everything back onto me. Of course I haven't "done that", and if I dare pursue the conversation he flies into a rage. So I completely understand what you are saying because I live it.

[@Revdrjuliusweche]

I truly feel for you having to live with the narc in your life. Best wishes. One day the gaslighting will get to you, and when your mental health goes, you will understand why grey rock and no contact are t he best solution.

[@mozpogson3639]

Narcissistic people don't live in hope; they have expectations. Living in hope is connected to Godliness, but expectations are legalistic. People who live in hope are forgiving, but those who live with expectations are unforgiving. Unmet expectations is the foundation of anger. The best teacher is bitter experience.

[@1154wise]

I lived with a covert narcissist for more than 30 years and left. With the Lord's help- I was able to forgive them and release them from responsibility for their part in my hurt. I was able to remove the physical manifestations that went along with living inside that space. There are wounds that are not so easy to remove- it is more like having PTSD. I know the Lord has helped me move on without choosing to go back to the relationship.......This person violated my view of what Love was- The manipulation is gone- I have forgiven- and the Lord has allowed us the ability to be around each other at family events. I am no longer subjecting myself to manipulation and resentments and blame- Thank the Lord for being free from this horrible cycle of abuse.

[@Garden366]

It doesn’t matter how they understand or accept your apology. Make sure you apologize for any wrongs you did so that you will stand before God knowing you have not sullied His great name. And then pray for the narcissist as this is something they seem totally unable to do. Without repentance none can be saved since we must agree with God that we are sinners in need of complete salvation. Thank you Lord Jesus; Father, Son and Holy Spirit for your great gift!

[@DiscernmentNow]

You repent to God, not necessarily apologize to the narcissist. Different things.

[@learningismyjam9425]

Oh my goodness yes!! My husband will demand I forgive him (even though he will not repent) - so he expects reconciliation without true reconciliation. I'm suppose to just stuff it down. And yes, I cannot bring it back up ever again - but yet I do, because these things are not really resolved. He lies continually, to my face and when he is caught he flat out denies it until I provide proof and even then he runs in circles.

[@janicej.w4240]

I am saved and I am married to a narcissist. I’ve been with him since I’ve been 13 years old. I am now 45. We’ve had our kids they’re all grown up he’s been controlling from day one it started with not wearing any make up ! till this day, he will never apologize for anything God fights my battle. I put no stress in it .

[@kirstenschmeckpeper3910]

How do you do it? 😢

[@James-Johnson313]

You are very brave! ❤

[@lorenaperrodin8210]

@@kirstenschmeckpeper3910 if I may answer for Janice, she does the same thing as my sister (in the same situation) she puts her battles in Gods hands because if she fights them herself, he will retaliate. She puts her faith, hope and trust in God. Never disagree, never argue, never confide. her peace comes from God. God sees what she is going through and in His time will give him a Jesus spanking. If possible leave!! Some people married to a narcissist are unable to leave for various reasons. If so, there is help out there to help you cope and survive the abuse

[@teresakarr2859]

I was crying one day.. Everything was so overwhelming. (9 yrs of dealing with him and not understanding) . He was holding me standing in my kitchen. I looked up.. And for a split second I looked up and he was smiling.. I was so shocked.. 😢.. I saw the mask drop.. But I'm thankful God showed me his true heart 🙏🙏🙏😔😔

[@kmccurtis19]

Yes if you look at their face when your in pain you may catch a smirk, smile, or look of contentment.

[@kirstenschmeckpeper3910]

18 yes of marriage. We are separated and I moved towards him and hugged him and shared it all. Vulnerable and emotional crying in deep pain. He focused on how much he wanted me physically and called me sexy and walked away smiling as I sat on the floor unable to move because I was too weak from the emotional release. 😭 I still love him he says he loves me but I don’t know if I trust his love

[@dodgerstone]

I've never heard my narc utter an I'm sorry--ever.

[@lorenaperrodin8210]

"perfect" people do not need to apologize.

[@justsewit_tk5477]

The last time I forgave the narcissist in my life, she went and did exactly the same thing! I am no no contact and staying well away and never going to tell her she is forgiven ever again!

[@jaonmarymccormack3078]

I gave forgiveness to a narcissist serial child sexual abuser and he just went back to throw it in my face. No remorse for his crimes. Narcissist. Evil bastards

[@chautran2588]

I kept no contact and was called unforgiver

[@theliberatedplanet]

I am not a narcissist. My mother and brothers and sisters are/were narcissists. My father died when I was very young, but I don't believe he was a narcissist. In fact, I instinctively knew when he died that I no longer had a family, and I was truly abandoned.

[@benniecampbell3973]

You are so right about what a narcissist interpretation of what forgiveness is, permission expectance and no accountability and they don’t repent. after all the hell I went through dealing with narcissistic people!!! Life is to short to dealing with narcissistic people!!!

[@janclebro6997]

Kris, thank you so much for unravelling this complex subject which can be so painful for the victim of narcissistic abuse. I'm so grateful. I don't believe that someone can walk in the ways of full-blown narcissism and be a Christian. But God is powerful and he can save the narcissist.

[@selenanoll8462]

They use Corinthians how love doesn't keep a record of wrongs. If you really loved me, you will never bring it up again.

[@ralphey8189]

It is true that love does not keep a record of wrongs PERIOD. Let's not twist God's words to fit our narratives or wants.

[@selenanoll8462]

@ralphey8189 Would you please clarify what you are communicating? My mother uses that phrase--if you really loved me, you will never bring it up again. In the meantime, she rewrites history while bringing up the past. This is why I have no contact with her.

[@michelerunyon9593]

I was told by my sister after a massive betrayal on her part that I had to forgive the past. Later we get into an argument and she brings up things from 40 years ago. That is when I realized that there was no way to fix this relationship.

[@rhondamier6037]

When I forgave the narcissist...it set me up to be manipulated over and over again. I was tricked, I was played, I was humiliated, I was taken advantage of. I was used, and destroyed, and became a weak shell of a person. A two year journey in to how much a person can destroy you. It was my believing in his "false change" and trying to see any good in him repeatedly that I was destroyed emotionally. I personally believe the only thing that can change them is through God. This brings me to free will, if he doesn't think anything he is doing is wrong, if he knowingly does harmful things to people and enjoys it, and he resists God and God's power and who he is, how can he be saved if he doesn't want it? Also on the woman's question if she is a narcissist, narcissist's repeatedly if you are beaten down by them for a long enough period can and will make certain individuals believe they are "the narcissist", this is done to throw the shame, the problem, what ever accountability the narcissist is trying to avoid on someone else. This lady is probably not a narcissist who asked the question, but been led to believe that by her narcissistic family. If she has sought therapy for years, there's trauma from someone abusing her in some form. They've convinced her she's the problem. It's very sad what the narcissist can do to a person.

[@sustainablelife1st]

narcs use your fiath against you. They know a few bible verses and misuse them to guilt you. You do not have to forgive a serial abuser. God will not, and you are not higher than God.

[@kirstenschmeckpeper3910]

Yep

[@Molly-ILJVM]

I have been trying to understand what forgiveness looks like and you just gave me the answer. As a Christian, it can sometimes get confusing to know what the next steps are in the relationship, i.e., no contact, limited contact, or all contact. Also, I was beginning to see that I was enabling my adult son’s bad behavior towards me by contacting him again and again as if his disrespect for me is okay or as if nothing happened. Thank You and God Bless You!!

[@nancyo-prieto6317]

Thank you Jesus!! Glory to Jesus !! I love you and I need you!!

[@Pp4Gd]

My cousin and I went up to help my Aunt who had been in a bad accident 2 1/2 years ago. It upset my Mom and sisters. My cousin went with me because she had recently retired and she could handle a Lab/German Sheppard puppy. Two year later they were still bringing it up. I finally said, God is so amazing He gave her a rest before her husband’s cancer diagnosis and fight. Yes, he is now cancer free. Thank you Lord! They have not brought it up to me since. All I can say is Thank You Lord for all you do!

[@JP-ll8iy]

When I show forgiveness or lay down my sword so that there is peace in our household, my narc hubby sees it as me groveling for his mercy. 🤦🏽‍♀️ He is the epitome of a narcissist. Thank you Jesus for the reveal and the peace that you have given me.

[@supernaturalvictorieswithsunny]

Kris is a pure genius!

[@Lauren-vd4qe]

she RIGHTLY DIVIDES the word of God. and employs 2 Tim 3:5

[@vickioliver1098]

Please do a show on your research on whether a narcissist can be a Christian. Been searching the scriptures for some time now on the answer, would love to hear your conclusion.

[@Garden366]

I agree! Your teaching on this subject would be very helpful. Thank you for considering this topic for a later video.

[@mcintron3491]

Thank you. This pod cast has helped me deal with the narcissists in my life. Most importantly, I can see this through biblical eyes, which is the only way to see correctly. I appreciate you!

[@learningismyjam9425]

Yes please do a video on if a Covert Narcissist can truly be a Christian. I would so appreciate your wisdom on this topic. I struggle with this because my husband knows the bible even better than I do. He knows all of the stories and has started memorizing scripture. He is so charming with everyone, and so helpful in our church (where he can be seen), and is well respected there - which makes me cringe. Yet at home, he lies to our family (even when confronted with proof, he lies) - I found pot and he swore it wasn't his and someone else must have put it in our garage - um what? It's just us and our two small (at the time) kids. He manipulates situations. He puts his mom and sister ahead of our own family yet swears he doesn't. He shames our kids if they don't do what he wants. On Good Friday he was bawling in church because he was so "moved" by the service and Jesus' sacrifice for us - and then 20 minutes later as we are leaving in the congestion of church traffic he's calling other drivers morons. He drinks every night. I could go on and on but you get the picture. Double life. So is he struggling with spiritual warfare? Can a Christian struggle with spiritual warfare? There's not a lot on these topics.

[@kirstenschmeckpeper3910]

This! I am sorry. I have watched my husband that do the same thing at church he is moved and goes up for prayer every week but then as soon as church as over he is a different person.😢

[@TonyaAbernathy68]

Spiritual warfare? Nope, he refuses to submit his flesh… He has deceived himself into thinking he is saved… Their fruit always tells on them…I should know, I live with one too sad😢

[@jennyrutan3713]

This is my current situation also! It's so frustrating to watch him PERFORM in church and become his narcissistic self once he's out the church doors!😢

[@scuba6797]

All are sinners but the point is to try to get better. It's a sin you are here trying to smear you husband like a Narcissist. No one is without sin both of you need to take accountability for your actions. Pot helps with pain and many medical conditions. I get it he lied, he was ashamed because of the stigmatization. Nothing wrong with having fellowship with other christains at church. life is a journey. No one is going to be perfect. Your expectations are unrealistic thinking he should go to church and be perfect. Even God calls out sinners sins. Yes he should call out their bad driving and there is nothing wrong with calling someone stupid/moron/ evil. Just understand you are not without sin either. Being Christ like is a journey, you try to be better but no one becomes perfect like Christ as much as you are suppose to try to be like him. We all struggle. Thats why you should submit to him, but also support him, tell him in a caring way your feelings. You both have strength and weaknesses. You act like the supporting wife in church but you are hear smearing him. Work on the journey together not combat his weaknesses. Be his strength and help him find his way. GL

[@bethtaylor9773]

What has helped me forgive from my heart (a process, especially when someone is re-offending), is to see that God has not allowed that treatment of me to harm me in the long run.....because God's forgiveness and love for me is so great. I absolutely agree that forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean that trust is re-established automatically. That may happen bit by bit if the other person is Christ's, but I don't have to just jump right in and trust right away.

[@jessicak.8910]

“I’m sorry I lashed out at you like a demon on heroin” 😂😂😂😂 OH MY GOSH!! laughing so I don’t cry, this will be stuck in my head forever!!!

[@glennavelilla156]

Forgiveness set me fre!!! 🎉

[@jamesbitar3037]

This woman is so wise,everything she said I have been through.

[@nancyo-prieto6317]

I forgive but also remind them that I will never tolerate that conduct once again being clear that boundaries are being set .

[@teecee1678]

Whoa!!! I literally asked myself earlier today this question "can a narcissist ever be a true Christian?" It was on my mind as my husband by paper (not by covenant) is coming to my parent's home to spend the holidays (my daughter and I are staying here til I can get us situated) he is so evil and toxic and whenever he is near I can feel him try to pull me from God. I feel so sorry for my daughter that she won't get spiritual guidance from her biological father. I wonder if he can ever become a true Christian in the future? Please do a video on this. Thank you so much for your videos and touching on such important topics!

[@grittygoddess]

Don’t hold your breath

[@Lauren-vd4qe]

I wd go stay in a hotel before he gets there and DONT tell anyone where you are, take your kid with you.

[@MeghanNystrom]

I can’t stop watching these I missed them at Christmas! It’s NOW the 12 toxic days of Easter for me! 😂

[@lisacurtis8162]

I can't get away no matter how much I forgive because he can go off on me at anytime usually when I'm most vulnerable. I'm financially dependent on him.

[@kari9052]

Need more specific episode on being married to a narcissist for many many years. Walking away is not an option and confronting is not an option either. Not because he's abusive or anything but because it is mind numbingly difficult maybe even impossible to interact without the self serving behaviour and comments to overtake everything. I have just realized my narcissistic husband may not actually be saved, which breaks my heart. I cannot confront but will prayerfully ask God to deal with this and bring him to true salvation

[@l.5832]

My narc sister who spent years as a Sunday School teacher, feels she does not have to apologize to me because God forgave her past, present, and future sins, so she's 'good to go'. Everything has already been forgiven, God knew she was going to do that and already forgave it so all is well. There is a preacher on Christian radio who is really big on this. He uses the scripture that "No man shall ever pluck you out of my hand" and says all you have to do is an initial repentance then no matter what you do, God has already forgiven you and you will get to Heaven. It's like a Get Out of Jail free card without changing your life at all......

[@giseladougherty4961]

One of the things I always wondered about my bible reading husband is he may not be born again. I would love to hear more about Narcissists being born again.

[@carolsummers8734]

My now ex used Scripture to control the kids and I. When he walked out on us the final time, he said God did not care about his adultery or divorcing me. He and his new wife never miss church.

[@thisorthat7626]

@@carolsummers8734 Your comment is spot on. Narcs use scripture to control people. They don't believe what the bible says, they only care that they can use the bible to control people. These videos are helping people see the truth. Blessings.

[@jimmiehailey6313]

Never forget that "I'm sorry" is for an action but forgiveness is for a heart attitude. Fore example; "I'm sorry that I yelled at you and I ask forgiveness for my selfish attitude." would be a proper apology if that was the true motive for the yelling. These two entities must go together. You can grant pardon for the offense, meaning you will not seek retribution unless you feel that retribution is a necessary ingredient in the offender's recipe for healing. Forgiveness, on the other hand means expungement, which is a deeper and more meaningful process. Use the offenders request for forgiveness as an introduction to an important conversation about their motive and how their motive offends God more than it offends you. Help them get right with God. We are called to be "Ministers of reconciliation" and offering improper forgiveness may hamper the offender's relationship with God.

[@andykirk26]

Thank you so much Kris! Your ministry is a real blessing to me right now! You have helped the scales fall from my eyes! Been with my narcissist wife for over 12 years now. Physical, verbal and emotional abuse have been present. I can so relate to everything to say about narcissist's. Please keep being the blessing you are! 😊👍🏻👏🏼👌🏼💗

[@sarahcase2666]

Thank you for the 12 days of Christmas. The properly applied Biblical truth has been empowering and validating. Thank you for that gift! God bless!

[@KDT227]

Powerful- There’s a difference between true mercy and enabling

[@cindyrodriguez5041]

Thank you for your teaching! This one in particular hit home 100% so much that just wanted to cry!!! I am hoping and praying that by listening to your podcasts I will learn how to live with a narcissist without burying myself but to rise above and keep my sanity and move forward!! Continuing to pray to Gods for a change in him, but not letting have control anymore (50 yrs married and putting up with this - but children and grandchildren involved to the point I can’t walk away, BUT I want to get off this mountain… ) thank you for your . help!!! Would love a name of a good Christian counselor in My area

[@CamperVan-K]

This was the first thing I did. I admit to struggling with this, but imagined the person being invaded/operated by a demon and unable to control it. I had to forgive 3 people. I could have hated them vehemently for what they did to me. But I chose to forgive them instead. Very hard thing to do, but when you think of Christ's sacrifice, it was tiny in comparison.

[@JeannieEngram]

Yessss! Please do a video on if narcissists can really be Christians! My mom is a covert Christian narcissist… and so is my brother. I fell into the arms of another covert narcissist raised as a Christian… so this is very close to my heart. My sister and I have been questioning wether or not they are really Christian or just learned the behavior and quotes

[@adacruz595]

Amen to the prayer. Thank you for your teachings from the christian perspective. My dad would apologize but then turn around and offend again. And now I'm dealing with a husband who doesn't have much regard for his daughter or myself. But with God's help and also this program I know that I'll be able to function better.

[@octoberdawn1087]

Literal wounds. I have a stomache ulcer.*** Edit: @26:30 omg not MY story but sounds EXACTLY HOW I FEEL its my sisters and everything And I even came to this channel to figure out how to overcome my own narcissism to quit hurting my family. Everything's always my fault so I'm trying to fix myself over and over and over and relationships with my family stays the same. Thank you thank you for this video

[@octoberdawn1087]

My church for today. Amen.

[@Sherry-t1h]

I love the way you tell how it actually is. I'm narcced out , so done with that childish ,sick evil game he play

[@mrslib]

Forgiveness is not a once and done issue. It is a way of life when you live with a narcissist. It is health to spirit and body.

[@dianebaker3485]

Yes teaching on a narcissist being a Christian would be very helpful

[@jenmayo777]

Hello everyone! Jen here from Houston, TX 💛🌷💛

[@artross9836]

I was asked to leave the condo so I left quietly. There is nothing that I did to be turned out, but I left quietly. She wouldn’t give me a reason for asking me to leave. I asked forgiveness for whatever it was but got no reply. Pastor at the church asked her if he could mediate a counseling session. She said absolutely not. I guess I’ll never know why. I’ve soul searched but I can’t think of anything. We had devotions every day right up to the day she told me to leave. I’m still stunned. She claims she had peace in doing this

[@travishanson166]

I very much appreciate your service Kris. This video was excellent as it illustrated apologies better than I've seen awhile and it helps tremendously. I've been terrible at apologizing my entire life and accosted heavily for lacking the skill. It wasn't very great always having to apologize to my mother about being honest to the counselor, and the cops. She never did get punished, but I did. Though my wife wasn't with me today on our 9th anniversary, I found a way to show her how much I appreciate her. Before I saw this video I gave her some much needed apologies that properly conveyed I was taking responsibility for some poor behavior of mine. I also told her that I would keep her in my thoughts today while I worked and promised to turn to God if things got tough. Which they did. And I did. I sure hope her acceptance was sincere. I guess we will know in a few days. Autism with some flavors of PTSD on top gets me in trouble a lot. It hasn't helped that I've dated mostly narcissistic women (my first wife especially) But im learning to love, have compassion and build upon that with Christ's help and the help of a few of his ministers along the way.

[@desertfox1273]

That is exactly what I went through with my step daughter. It's been hell on wheels with her and her mother. I gave her forgiveness for her terrible actions, but she made no effort to make a positive change for her dad's sake who is 86! No empathy and tried witnessing to her on all levels, still to no avail. This gal is an impenetrable fortress of resentments, grudge holding, unforgiveness on and on. I too have ministry and it's been so completely heartbreaking. The study in Narcissism and TARES has greatly helped. A tare is a tare=Narcissism! Everything you've said is spot on and extremely helpful to my heart. Thank you! ❤

[@micheleshearer1641]

I have just had a personal awakening to all the words you speak in this and I’m overwhelmed with the truth in my life:

[@lesshustlemorecoffee]

Thank you for your wise words and for using scripture.

[@denisecoles2872]

This is so good. I had a boss who I believe is a narcisst. After weeks of receiving heavy criticism from her over very trivial things that weren't related to my role I asked out right about it and asked for evidence I wasn't doing my job. Immediately she apologised but straight away told me she was ill and going to take time off work. I accept her apology and apologised for my persistence in getting her to explain my under performance. The problem was the criticism and micromanagement continued and even doubled, within an hour of that meeting. 😂

[@lsmarshaledherthoughts886]

I appreciate your sense of humor! Laughter is the best medicine and it's been two years since I left and I can finally see it for what it was vs crying and getting depressed. Thank you for sharing these messages from a Biblical perspective.

[@veronicar1589]

You have no idea how helpful this is! Thank you!!! There's several narcissist that I know and need to pray if I need to completely stay away from them or how to deal with them. 🙏

[@msliberated3899]

Pray, seek no revenge and STAY AWAY FROM THESE DEMONS

[@juliehand8992]

Kris, you have brought healing to my soul. Thank you!

[@Alyssa.Varela]

Anyone else get a 70 second ad right in the middle of prayer?? 😭😭

[@uiark9744]

I don't know where even to start - sharing my story with a Covert Narcissist who was in my life during 5 years ago, for I spent most of that time trying to forgive that person but couldn't make it. I was very much haunted whenever I was praying or worshiping God and suddenly the Holy Spirit reminds me that there is still a person that I didn't yet forgive so that I leave my offering at the door and go back to repare. With that rebuke, my relationship with God went South, I couldn't even feel free to pertake in the Holy Communion; I prayed many times, fasted over that issue but didn't manage to get over it, until I discovered that my only way to flee out that trap is through forgiveness. God Himself took my hand, made a way for me out of that relationship, led me to forgiveness and gave me a beautful final closure. The Peace of God is now ruling in my heart and joy is overflowing, for I am now at peace with God, with myself and amazingly with that Narc too whom I finaly managed to forgive and let go. I thank God for having mercy on me.

[@marysisak2359]

When I confided to a "Christian" that I had been sexually abused as a child, her two responses floored me. "It feels good" and Have you forgiven him?" I don't know about you but I walked away feeling like 1) I wanted it and 2) If I do not forgive him (with no apology or acknowledgement of the offence) I was not being a good Christian. I think a woman could be laying on the street after being raped and beaten by 10 men and the first think a "Christian" would say is "Have you forgiven them?' I am 71 and I learned forgiveness is between God, yourself and your confessor (in my case a priest) but in the modern church it appears to be the business of the entire congregation.

[@jeanjo8626]

There most certainly is a problem within the church with Christian women. They seem to all talk about the victim’s lack of forgiveness. It feels like they re-injure you by showing absolutely no compassion for your pain. I no longer attend church because of the forgiveness parade that joined my ex. They were not interested in my 35 years of financial, physical, serial cheating, his religiosity, family terrorizing husband’s behavior. He left me a note that he had been thinking about killing me, and our children in our beds. Did that give them an understanding of what I lived under………they didn’t care! My forgiveness was the most important thing that I needed to do! Not to mention, just because I put up a boundary (finally) did not mean I hadn’t forgave him. I forgave him at least 75 times during the marriage. This final time has felt very freeing. Divorced, and NO CONTACT!

[@cathybeclean]

Wow, thank you for the ending part of that prayer. I can so relate to so much of what you’ve said and I have been in that place and I’m so thankful for your prayer.

[@kathymcdaniel9027]

Thank you so much for this, Kris! You're a blessing.

[@jaonmarymccormack3078]

I love your teaching and your power in your preaching

[@oar-N-oasis]

God taught me to forgive but also command me not to look back, He is worthy to obey, He is worthy.

[@KarinPrzybilski]

Matthew 10:16 ~ 20 16 Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. 17 But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; 18 And ye shall be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles. 19 But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak. 20 For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you. Thank you for sharing your insights today about, "How a Narcissist Interprets Forgiveness." I had a direct experience today with a narcissistic neighbour that led to forgiveness. I was going about doing things outside when she called me and asked me if I wanted the blue wooden packing ramp she had. I said sure, because I could make use of it. I heard the Holy Spirit leading me into an opportunity for forgiveness and as I followed and obeyed the unction of the Holy Spirit prompting, I added to the conversation by saying, "Just for the record can you forgive us for our past misunderstandings?" She responded and said, "I forgive you! And then I said, "I forgive you too! After I dragged the heavy packing ramp over to my home I pondered on what had just taken place. I couldn't help but reflect then on the works and the power of the cross when Jesus sacrificed His life and shed His blood for us on Calvary's Tree. What came to me then was, "When the wrath of man was unleashed towards and against Jesus that caused the shedding of His blood, Jesus unleashed the forgiveness of sins upon and towards mankind's wrath through the shedding of His blood and His blood never stops flowing! Jesus took all of the contradictions of sin upon Himself so that He could make One New Man; a New Creation People who would live and stand together and do mighty battle on behalf of the love, hope, faith, peace, joy and unity of Father God's Spirit of love. Jesus came to destroy the works of darkness to teach mankind to live a life of love with one another. 1 John 3:8 He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil. I personally couldn't second quess the incident nor question whether I had been trapped into relieving or releasing her of any responsibility any more than Barabas the prisoner was chosen by the mob to be released and relieved of his crimes while they commanded Jesus to be crucified! People are ignorant! But the whole plan and purpose that Our Father in Heaven, Jesus Our Savior, Lord, God and King and the Holy Spirit had for Jesus to be crucified, shed His blood as the propriatition of our sins, was to, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do!" This meant that things would be so, despite all the contradictions of sin, so that all things that were planned by the Holy Trinity, for and towards the redemption of mankind from sin would be fulfilled! Even Paul said, "we are treated like the scum of the earth, like sheep for the slaughter, like worms, despised." Romans 8:36 “As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. It takes a lot of ongoing courage not to be afraid of being a lamb and sheep for the slaughter. Jesus warned us that He was sending us forth as sheep in the midst of wolves! The church where I was baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost and tongues was operated by covert narcissitic wolves in sheeps clothing. The team of evangelists that I evangelized with for four years were narsissistic wolves in sheeps clothing, but because God had a plan to lead many to repentance, including the wolves, I obeyed His will to be sent into the midst of wolves and all I can speak about this experience is that the Spirit and power and glory of God is mighty in and through us when we surrender and yield our members to the Lord to use us to bring glory and honor and power to His Name! This is what we are supposed to do as believers, be willing to live and or die and like eagles dive into and face the storms of life not being afraid of and for our own lives, because whether we live or die we live and die for Christ Jesus! Romans 14:8-10 8 For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. 9 For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living. 10 But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. I may be weak but in Christ I am strong in the Lord and in the power of His might! I might be able to be trapped, snared, netted and zipped into the spider web to be eaten alive, but I trust that God is Lord of the outcome and that I can pass through the waters and not drown and pass through the fire and not be burned!!! :) Romans 12:1-2 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. I personally would not befriend a narcissist as a bosom, loyal and trusting friend, buddy, companion or partner because they aren't cut out to be intimate nor kindred. And, even as there are a lot of them out there in the world and in the churches, we still have to practice being the ambassadors God called us to being and be ready, able and willing to do the will of God from our hearts and fulfill our callings! Jesus did not say that we wouldn't get hurt and suffer battle wounds and scars. He said that we would be hated like He was hated! And while Jesus experiened the hate and contempt of the Pharasees, He still went about doing good, keeping His focus on his Father, practising Godly discipline and boundaries. And when things got to heated, He left and went to another town or crossed over to the Sea of Galilee and drew the crowds there to being healed, delivered, raised from the dead and baptized! That's what the annointing is for, "To break every yolk and bondage to sin and slavery!" We have the annointing that God has given us to do even greater works than He did! :) Isaiah 10:27 And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing. 1 John 2:27 7 But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.

[@brightpage1020]

Stop. ✋ 🛑 This is too head on. Oh my. For real? It is like that spot on and so clear. Can’t just say, “I really hurt you. That behavior I did hurt you a lot and you feel uneasy around me now, understandably. Whoa. What a mistake I made there. That was not my intention. I hope I can make it up to you soon and repair our relationship by showing you I am dedicated to it and therefore cognizant of your feelings and I’ll act more careful about them.” Then the actions play out and either match the words or not. There’s our answer. Repentance. Or not. We can forgive without setting ourselves up for more pain. When apostles were unwelcome in a town, they were instructed to brush the dust of it off their feet as they walked on. But not to stay and keep trying. Just to keep walking and wash the dirt off once we are past that unwelcoming town.

[@tracymartin8721]

I recently became aware of your channel I too help women to heal from past hurts and pains with in my community I love how you speak the truth in love thank you for your sacrifices in order that other women can walk in their freedom for it is a high calling be Blessed I will be praying for your ministry🙏💕💕

[@tatianahansen4410]

Thanks to God and you, Kris❣️You’ve cleared my confused mind and lifted a mountain of doubt off my shoulders. Blessings to you and your ministry 🙏