How a narcissist plays you. How a narcissist makes you feel.

[@arnellpharr5122]

The rollercoaster with my ex-bf is what finally made me give up. The hot and cold, up and down, back and forth was wearing me down. 😔

[@Unbeatable]

It really does wear you down, I remember that well

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Arnell Pharr, you deserve better

[@ashley_sprinkles]

It's currently wearing me way down . I pray everyday I don't love him anymore so I can just leave.

[@moyvuong7406]

Ashley, his actions already are telling u!

[@moyvuong7406]

U dont have to put up with it, no one is asking u to stay .... jus go. Put u first

[@briannaw.7226]

Narcissists never under any circumstance apologize.

[@kelley0404]

Never, never, never. Even when caught red handed.

[@victoryinhim9689]

They may fake an apology just to reel you back in. But they will NEVER mean it.

[@bguy86]

Conne Wkl-d mine apologized half ass sayin sorry for dragging you along And I haven’t loved you in 3 years . Hurt to hear this shit . But I knew that when she said this she meant it we was together 4 days shy of 4 years , ( off and on relationship )

[@mountainmermaid8]

Sometimes they do, to manipulate you.

[@lanaliakada]

And saying “I apologized” when they never even said the words lol

[@jimdorothy1640]

I watched Leah Remini's show last night on the emotional aftermath of ex-members of Scientology. This morning, I watched your video on the narcissist. What ex-scientologists (or any cult member) go through mentally and emotionally to get back to reality and normalcy is nearly identical to what the victim of the narcissist goes through. I came up with this idea: the narcissist is a one-person cult.

[@Unbeatable]

Coercive control is an effective tool that is used by cult leaders, dictators, narcissists alike.

[@miriamhavard7621]

@@Unbeatable yep.

[@JB-lm9ui]

Jim Dorothy YEP! I've heard/read others who compare narco-abuse pattern in families as being like a "cult". I've experienced this too.

[@jackieburleson342]

Jim Dorothy absolutely... I’m recovering from a narcissistic family cult....

[@silverlining5796]

Indeed

[@lindayeager3126]

These are wicked ,wicked, evil people, yes, they take everything from you emotionally, your right about everything you described,

[@Unbeatable]

I think they are a product and victim of their childhoods too. Suffering some trauma when young, which leads to the narcissistic self preservation.

[@graceg4996]

Yes they are pure evil. My ex husband was not a victim of trauma. He was spoiled rotten by a single mother. He has no regards for anyone and it's all about him. He's disgusting😷

[@Unbeatable]

Grace G sorry to hear that. Hope you are free from him now.

[@melissa_anastasia]

They will also secretly record phone conversations so think about that when you're completely fed up with them and they are trying to make you look like the abuser. RUN.

[@Unbeatable]

Yes, I've heard this a number of times to use in a smear campaign so they appear the victim.

[@silverlining5796]

True

[@misstmemrs]

Yes they will bully and turn the camera on the victim and stupidly imagine that the victim has no human rights to respond to the false accusations and word salad. They literally believe that telling them off is bullying and that you are a narcissist if you talk.

[@indigo8354]

True!

[@littleiodine9480]

from what I've experienced it's like a volcano builds pressure and goes off. then this person acts like nothing happened and is actually somewhat kind and considerate and from that point on it's just a gradual build that's not so kind sayings to say or doing things they know for positive or irritating to you and it just keeps raising its level until they turn into a full-blown Monster again. now we're back to nothing actually happened and here goes the building once again.

[@elizabethf9096]

exactly that's it same pattern as my narc friend

[@loriosman5515]

Wow...spot on Vivian!! He blamed me for slapping me saying, "I was trying to knock some sense into you." He kept pushing the boundries and blaming me for his abusive behavior. You're correct, this has been one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with. Thank you Vivian for the insight.

[@Unbeatable]

Lori Osman I am so glad it has helped. Thank you for watching. Stay strong!

[@misstmemrs]

Did he believe you were talking in nonsense? Narcissists are masters at logical fallacies.

[@nicoleclavel5836]

Wow that’s not okay!! Disgusting. I’m so sorry. You deserve love and safety. Fuck this asshole. Sending you love and healing ❤❤❤😢

[@conniehoward1323]

Thank you. Yes run from these selfish people they're dangerous to us emotionally and physically.

[@Unbeatable]

They are indeed.

[@dlkcoil01]

Wow!!! I did what you did. Its been difficult. I’m in therapy now. Closure will never happen. My Covert Narcissist abuser was like facing a tornado on a daily basis. They will never get help or change. 30 years of being with a woman, who claimed to love me, yet the abuse cycled exactly the way you described. I will never ever forget the day she bit the heck out of my lip. She said give me a kiss after we settled an argument that I thought was over. The kiss was a brutally painful bite that drew blood. My lip swelled up like a huge walnut. It bled like crazy. Get this....she did this in front of my mother, grandmother and a friend. For some reason I did not report it. Nor did I leave her. She claimed to be apologetic and so on. Here’s the kicker....I stayed in the relationship afterwards. What happened to me that I was not willing to take care of myself, even with witness. To this day she says I made it up. So you are absolutely right, they will screw your mind up to the point where you will form a trauma bond with the abuser, and you will normalize the cycle of abuse. I know, because I did it for 30 years, she is still the same, except worse. I’m finally getting out of the relationship after another painful discard. RUN FROM THESE TOXIC PEOPLE!!! PLEASE RUN!!!!!

[@Unbeatable]

D. Kirk I am glad you are getting out. They are also good at playing the victim and getting others to believe they are too. And that you are the abuser. Stay strong.

[@chrystaljenkins5622]

My narcissist hasn't been physically violent, thank the Lord. That would've made me cut it off for sure. It was the amazing chemistry that I had never experienced, and by the time I realized that he was so callous with my emotions, and breaking my heart all the time, I was hooked and in love. I thought he was my earth angel. Still reeling from this relationship as I am a highly sensitive person. Other than the physical abuse, this explanation is dead on. At least now I know I'm not crazy.

[@Unbeatable]

You aren't crazy. They are very good at what they do - that is, manipulate and control us.

[@judydawe8073]

My narcissist showed his colours right away. The anger was ever present. He praised me up to anyone who would listen, but privately and publicly belittled me. They are entirely inappropriate, interfering in your life. They self praise and proclaim publicly how changed they are. Being stuck in a horrible relationship is NOT love.

[@TanTall1]

1000% Accurate

[@Unbeatable]

Thank you!

[@sandrarich4282]

These ppl are what you call sick sick, but cut they shit and for good no coming back. Be good too your self

[@jannieschluter9670]

I feel like I met someone who was playing a calculating game with me... So, the strange vibes I have been feeling are not my imagination. My gut tells me that there is something wrong...

[@Unbeatable]

Jannie Schlüter I would always trust your gut

[@deniseclarke8580]

You have told my story spot on with my narc and I am trying so hard to break free. Thank you

[@Unbeatable]

Get help and support if you need it as it is hard to do this alone. I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/ I’d read every self help book I can get your hands on, especially to do with codependency. Here’s my Best self help books guide 2018: www.vivianmcgrath.com/best-self-help-books/

[@fionataylor4269]

After the last flash of anger, I did not stick around ! I could see where it was going. Well explained. It is normal for someone to have a bad day or get angry, but when they start taking it out on you , walk away, and fast, some people cannot, and do not, want to change, and no amount of love in this world can change and heal them. Keep well all.

[@kaylaschroeder1]

It's been a while since I've watched this video, but revisiting it, I need to say that the information you share and the way you explain it in this video is very powerful, helpful and enlightening. Thank you, Vivian.

[@aaliyahhush]

You’re a beautiful and strong woman, this video is what I needed as I’ve been suffering from narcissistic abuse since a very long time from a very famous celeb. I don’t even wish to expose that guy on the internet, I only want my peace and go. *btw those earrings look gorgeous on you haha, keep doing what you’re doing!

[@Unbeatable]

My ex was a well known TV star. I have no interest in exposing him either. I found my peace. Thank you. Earrings are a bit of an obsession!

[@jessiegolightly]

This is absolutely devastating, and exactly how it goes. Thank you. 🤍

[@annastone5624]

This is the most ACCURATE and concise description I’ve EVER HEARD! I’m out.. but I’ve experienced milder cycles of this in friendships since. Thank you for the reminder! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@jay-s9y1c]

Yes they make excuses for themselves... I did XYZ to you because I was in a bad mood. If you didn't do XYZ I wouldn't have done XYZ. You're the only one I have these issues with. If you bring it up they will say why can't you let this go, get over it, suck it up. This video is so true!

[@Unbeatable]

Absolutely and it's the same playbook for all

[@victorialaidlaw6237]

please spread the truth to youth esp. .... many including myself felt and saw wickedness/evil but was not aware of such evil existing worldwide in human form. thank you to all victims of narcissists. something good has to come of something bad. all good hearted people please be aware of what surrounds us daily so we can put a stop pronto to this evil and they will starve. many many blessing to all good hearted people of the world.

[@esinbozdag391]

I observe some problems on other KZbinrs talk about narcissistic abuse. Sometimes they forget about their purpose and they involve their ego in the videos which is disturbing for us seeking help. But your videos are amazing! Because you are so real and you totally speak from the truth, from your heart. Thank you very much

[@athena5222]

Thank you so much for your videos. All I could do is cry while watching this. Truth hurts so bad sometimes, but necessary.

[@Unbeatable]

I'm sorry to make you cry. But those tears are part of healing. Let them flow and allow self-awareness to wash in and heal you.

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Athena Crotinger,you deserve a better man cause you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷🌺!

[@glorious6779]

This was on the dot. The 7 dislikes are narcissist. I will be watching over and over to remind me.

[@Unbeatable]

Julie Anne Ryan I hadn’t thought of that 😂

[@-_oOtianaOo_-]

Everytime I see dislikes on good videos like this one that talk about these horrible people I always believe that too.. gotta be the abusers disliking it .. they don't want to be found out..

[@zigggyyyc7342]

I left my partner 6 months ago who was a covert narcissist with borderline traits. What you described is so much like our 2 year relationship. And you are so right when you relate it to the addictions similar to heroin. It really is like trying to get off a hardcore drug. Leaving her cost me a nervous breakdown, my job and the place i lived in. I don't know how i survived the hoover's. I ended up changing my number and deactivating my social media accounts to avoid the temptation. More than anything i felt guilt for leaving her. Even now after 6 months the temptation is still there to see her again. I miss her terribly and fantasize about being close to her again. The weekends are the hardest. The loneliness is a killer and i think of how much better i would feel to have that instant hit of her affection if i returned to her.. how do you fight such a drug?

[@Unbeatable]

It is so hard, isn't it? You have to remember that this is a fantasy in your head, it's not reality. This video may help: The fantasy bond: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hWrVlZedm7mcsK8 and everytime your focus and attention goes on to them, try to increase your level of self care to bring your focus back on to you. Get help and support, right a list of all the reasons you left and read it again, read a self help book, do something nice for yourself etc. etc.

[@dagomantis]

Back in the year 2000 when I was suffering through my first divorce, a wise old black man gave me the answer. He said that the only way to get over a woman is with another woman. That did work but she was normal. I was wounded and fell prey to the narcissist. This creature that we call the narcissist is not fully human in my opinion. This is Supernatural and I believe demonic because the compulsion to return to the abuse is so strong even when the writing's on the wall that they don't love us. Don't Care About us , they are willing to sacrifice us for their own self any moment. It can only be compared to being under a spell. Some type of witchcraft or mind control that makes you powerless over your own senses as if you're hypnotized or enchanted.. I found this correlation, they create through their craftiness a false image that we are then smitten by. The word Image is Eye Mage.. literally an illusionist practicing eye magic casting spells by mesmerizing us with their eyes lids and lashes heavily colored that we focus on as they hypnotize us into believing all this other mumbo-jumbo. I don't know how to get over it because I'm down two years separated and still not moving on or recovering, but I can tell you how to keep her away. ... Break up with her. Next time she tried to say something say that youre busy looking for other girls right now and get busy doing it! That'll help but since you still cling, tell her that you know how weak and insecure she really is , that's why she did so many rotten things that you know about, but you will take her back one last time if she repents and confesses all of her sins to you and explain the truth of all the lies admit all the unfaithfulness to you revealing every last deception and every secret that she has and no longer has any contact with any of her exes ever ever again ...And gives you the passwords to all of her accounts... You make that clear next time she's hoovering, you and you will still hear from her but probably never see her in person again

[@zigggyyyc7342]

@@dagomantis it is true that getting with a new girl can help ease the pain, but it can be deadly if you're heartbroken and still love the other girl. In the past it has helped with girls ive had a lot less love for. But this last one definitely had my heart.. I'm proud to say though that ive maintained no contact

[@Unbeatable]

Zigggyyy C cutting all contact is the best way. Treat it like withdrawing from a highly addictive drug. And get help and support too

[@dagomantis]

@@zigggyyyc7342 don't trust any new girls with your intimate details. I made that mistake. If you go around with your heart on your sleeve, the sharks, I mean narcs, will sense real true emotions and begin a covert feeding frenzy attack. They lack true emotions because they are empty shells and only mirror what is beautiful. They will perfect a false image of your good qualities until you, being imperfect, no longer resemble their reflections of you and the devaluing phase begins

[@flutefun999]

I identify and relate to everything you said. I got out (escaped) the first time his mask fell (over 5 day period) and I WANTED to go back so many times...and "prove" to him, just as you said...but something in me kept me in my little studio apartment hiding alone for 4 months on my own until I could get back to my home state 6 states away from him. It was so hard because I DID think all things you said "if only...." but no, I watched enough videos and read enough info to know it would NEVER go back to what it was ever again...... But you said it cannot be healed from alone. I disagree. I had nobody except a couple of friends who let me vent to them ad nauseum but they really didn't understand what it was I went through...nobody can unless they experienced it themselves. It is like nothing nobody can explain......I'm 51 and never had this kind of pain in my life and that's sayin something since I was abused my entire childhood. But I guess I have found I am resilient...I am smart and researched the answers.....learned, educated myself..processed the grief..(am still doing so 6 months since escaping)...and have no illusions to the fact that this will still take some time to completely overcome....if ever. I am laying low, living simple and giving myself lots of self care for now. Aware of not isolating...but also feeling the release of the trauma bond from going NO CONTACT...but understanding I have things I need to heal in ME first before ever thinking of entering another relationship again...but in the meantime, I'm gaining myself again... separate from him..from the "mind meld" I had with him......and seeing things so much more clearly. I will be ok. I know this now....but I will give myself the time I need for that to truly be manifest in my life. It is clear you understand the realities of this particular abuse...most mental health people don't which is why I don't take that route. There is so much victim shaming out there because folks think in this "instant gratification" society that one should "get over it...it's been 5 minutes...c'mon...." Forget that. Take the time to process and grieve it fully. I TRULY believe it is possible to become so much more whole, healthy and better person after this type of experience. One day at a time. And no... you will NEVER get closure from them. EVER.....you have to find it in your own way...or just accept it will never be. The closure is you are still alive....and you have a 2nd chance at a good life. They never will. They are stuck in their miserable existence forever. You...do not have to. THAT is your closure.

[@jennifermarie802]

After caring for him constantly for 3 weeks while he was ill, he turned on me again. This time breaking my jaw the day before Thanksgiving. After insisting it was an accident he was no where to be found as I drove myself to the ER. Now over a week later, with my jaw wired shut, he is insisting that I didn't come back because I'm cheating on him. He's sick in his mind.

[@Unbeatable]

He is and you need to get away from this man as the violence will get worse. He is not able to accept responsibility for his behaviour, so will never change and you are not to blame. I am so sorry he's hurt you and hope you recover soon. Try to get help and support to break free from him and break the abusive cycle. I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.beingunbeatable.com/domestic-violence-resources/ I’d also read every self help book I can get your hands on, especially to do with codependency. Here’s my Best self help books guide 2018: www.beingunbeatable.com/best-self-help-books/

[@dagomantis]

What a psycho. I hope you're healing up well. Please tell us that you reported him to the hospital and the police while you were at the ER and that he was arrested and incarcerated. Please tell us you have some kind of restraining order and that you cut him off forever and that you call the police every time he tries to contact you

[@JoAnn_001]

Hope you find strength to get out before he kills you.

[@shanesem5313]

My prayers to you 😭😭

[@Unbeatable]

@@JoAnn_001 I do too

[@michellealtabas4607]

This is the single best description I have ever heard. Much compassion from me. I lived this hell for 25 years before finding out that there was a name for my sufffering. My whole life feels like a lie. So much gaslighting that I isolated myself for 15 years. Agoraphobia resulted after my "awakening." He hides objects to confuse me and plays mind games. None of this was concious to me. I have crawled out of hell and gotten therapy, meds, and am making new friends at church. I have never been validated and have very little sense of self. I set boundaries and he went crazy. Stopped paying the mortgage and lost house. We put everything in storage and he "forgot" to pay. Kids lost all their toys and everything. The storage center manager tried 50 times to reach my husband. I think it was all to punish me. It seems impossible to survive. I am not going to give up ! Thank you. Blessings.

[@Unbeatable]

I'm so sorry to hear your story. It's never too late. With help and support, you can turn your life around. I'm proof of that. Stay strong.

[@sssttt2211]

You have pointed out exactly. Narcs don't take responsibility for their bad behavior, they throw crap back at you and make you responsible for their bad behavior. They may use guilt and Shane to further make you feel bad about yourself. You believe them and take extra responsibility in relationship even for their bad behavior. All this because we give importance to relationship over our dignity and sanity. We don't want changes. We want to maintain the things that were good earlier in relationship instead of accepting reality. Having courage to walk away from such people, standing your own ground, self love doesn't come easy. We give too many benefits of doubt but these are taken for granted and boundaries are pushed because we want to stay in relationship at cost of self dignity, and self respect.

[@ap6252004]

WOW! Spot on! This was explained so perfectly, it felt as though you were telling my story--minus the physical violence. So much emotional abuse though. Glad I'm out of that horrible nightmare!

[@Unbeatable]

Thank you. I'm glad you are free now.

[@SA-ud9nf]

Thank you so much. You are a kind and intelligent lady. I'm so grateful for your help. It's very much needed and makes a difference. God bless you. 💖

[@LonjeMarie7]

Excellent video ,it’s really really even more sad when it’s a family member or someone who i’ IS NOT supposed to do this to you ,that makes it even more difficult ,but videos like these give us knowledge to at the minimum ,identify the problem ,and decide what we’re going to do with the problem. We now can start the healing process

[@Unbeatable]

Lonje Maries Wisdom thank you and for watching.

[@irstalina]

Best video I've seen about narcissistic behavior.

[@sonyafee-doran5450]

Vivian is the BEST! And so knowledgeable. Thank you so much for your help and caring! You really opened my eyes. Had so many questions and now the last 3 years of my life finally makes sense! I almost feel sorry for my ex now that I understand but not enough to stick around! I deserve so much better!

[@Unbeatable]

That's so kind of you! You so deserve better. Have you seen my free Webinar? How to recover from toxic relationships, fall back in love with your life and never settle for less ever again: kzbin.info/www/bejne/maXQe6uPr5KWgsU

[@topkat8268]

Exactly how it happened. Im out now, but still trying to get over the pain. 5 years of this, but no more. Run & don't look back

[@Unbeatable]

I'm with you on that!

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Topkat, you deserve better

[@jdashlovela]

this is the best video I found on KZbin to explain what happens. I was in 2 years of this

[@s.martinez1717]

Dear Vivian, you just described the life my parents lived together. Despite all this, my mother never ever abandoned him. Once I finished my study and started to live on my own, that really saved my life. My father passed away recently and my mother was always at his side, despite the hard time he often gave her. At least she has no guilt and is convinced she did everything for him which is good. I hope for her she can now start living her life in a better way. At the moment I am having a challenging time with my partner as well and besides of that we also have a kid, for which I give my life for. So ending the relationship is not just an option for now and besides, most of the times, my rights of being a father won't be the same as for the mother. The sad thing about this is that these kind of situations aren't hardly recognized by professionals meaning there's a chance they won't believe you, and the narcissist gets away with it. Take into account even your friends might get influenced by the narcissist, convinced that you're the bad one that needs help, instead of the narcissist. These video's really open my eyes and teach me a lot. Thank you!

[@crazyworldlarue8388]

UNBELIEVABLE. Word for word how the beast behaved. He had a favorite line. When an issue was going on while I was at work, (I had to turn my phone off because he would keep calling and texting about it), or he had a rage attack out of nowhere or some other thing, when I'd finally have the time to sit down to talk to him about it, his reply was, "ARE YOU STILL ON THAT"? Or he'd just talk over me until it was ridiculous and I'd leave. Well, after I finally pulled completely away from him and didn't answer phone calls or texts, I had occasion where he wanted to discuss an issue to clear it up and I answered, "are you still on that"? And when, several months later, he asked again to set things straight, I answered, "well, I tried to do that with you, very sincerely, many times and you refused. That ship has sailed. I wish you the best". His responses showed that he was stunned. GAWD it felt good! Luckily, he never got violent and now he's moved out of state. STILL tries to light me up, (my phone service takes voicemails from blocked callers), but after I got tired of the intrusion, I threatened to call his 90 year old mother and tell her all about him. Haven't heard a peep since. 8-)

[@Unbeatable]

Crazyworld Larue well done to you for finding that strength to say no to him and know you deserve better. You do deserve better than that. Take care of yourself.

[@crazyworldlarue8388]

@@Unbeatable Thank you, Vivian. Yes, we do! I'm hoping someday soon, that longing won't pop in and take me by surprise.. it's MUCH better than it was but where IS the permanent eraser? 8-) Take care and thanks so much for your videos.

[@Unbeatable]

Crazyworld Larue time is your best friend here. It will get easier I promise.

[@willowclay3137]

He would constantly lie and cheat! Pinnochio!

[@Unbeatable]

Willow Clay they even believe their own lies I’m sure

[@silverlining5796]

They are powerful because they believe their own lies as Vivian say

[@libo6368]

A fantastic video...its a complete step by step on the bullshit these people play..they're nothing just actors easily crushed ..easy to get away from once u know you're wasting you're time

[@Unbeatable]

Thank you. Once you see them for what they are it changes the game completely. I wouldn't say it is easy to get away as the cycle of abuse can be difficult to break. But you can do it and it gets easier with time.

[@mihaela255]

When you are happy, you do good, when you are unhappy, you do evil, isn' t it?The narcissist is very unhappy with the way he is and seek validation through aggression. The narc admires and hate you in the same time, because you remember him how down he is. He gets obsessed about humiliating you...the perfect human being, he' ll never be. You are love and live is infinite, how can they abuse you?! They just abuse themselves...

[@Unbeatable]

Well said!

[@taniac4063]

Oh no this is my current relationship. He was so nice for 3 months now slowly I get blamed for his bad behaviour. Everything is my fault. I feel confused and spend all my time alone questioning myself. Then if I don’t do what he wants or if I put on a boundary he blocks me on his phone and Facebook everything . I feel like I’m on a merry go round and feel here we go again

[@pamelacheek6065]

You nailed it! Only way to get out go NO CONTACT!!!! Take back over your life. I was with my husband over 10 years. I am finally free. It was a hard road to recovery. I have closed that book!

[@wingrance779]

Last year, when you posted this, I was on top of my love bombing phase! It felt so great. Now I am on my 2 months of no contact. He left me for another, someone who could give him a better life. It happened so fast that I sometimes doubt if it ever really happened. He taught me a lot. He is a leson I had to learn the hard way but I am thankful it is over. He is a very dark person to deal with. He is suddenly a stranger, I dont even know him anymore.

[@Unbeatable]

Just remember, that person will not be able to give him a better life. He is looking to others for his happiness and putting them on the same pedestal he first put you. They will never be able to make him happy or live up to his high expectation that his happiness is their responsibility. Until he accepts responsibility for himself, he will never change. You are better off without him and I'm so glad to hear you are using this as a lesson to grow yourself.

[@newlife956]

Having experienced narc abuse from TWO parents, I can tell everyone that the psychological damage they do with their projection....is DEVASTATING! They dump their bad traits and narcissism on YOU with determination and commitment......to unload their evil onto YOU! I have zero mercy for narcs!

[@katieqmeredith9142]

This is something I am so familiar with my mother is like this I’ve just cut off contact because I just can’t cope .... she gets my brothers to and other family members to gang up on me .... and she knows how to hit my weakness and that’s my big heart ....

[@Unbeatable]

I'm so sorry to hear this. If you need help and support to work through this I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@helen3815]

Thank you Vivian!!! I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’m escaped after a year long exit strategy and now I’m out for two months 1700 away he loves me again and won’t accept no as my answer. This is because I broke contact after a month. Thank you Vivian I’m so glad you are sharing your story xx

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Helen R, you deserve better

[@SFsailingbiking]

Spot-on! Been there done that for 6yrs. Live and learn!

[@Unbeatable]

Sorry to hear this, stay strong.

[@radhaer1779]

You explained it so well. I always wondered why amazing women wouldn't let go of their abusive relationships. It didn't make any sense. But now I guess I get it. Makes sense.

[@Unbeatable]

Coercive control (emotional abuse) is a powerful form of brainwashing. It is now deemed a crime in the UK.

[@radhaer1779]

@@Unbeatable As it should be. It strips a person of everything they hold dear and leaves them feeling like a shell of their original self. So glad that emotional abuse is seen for all the evil that it is in the UK.

[@erismiracle9779]

This is so true. Oh my Gosh. This was what I experienced recently. It almost broke me

[@golnicekashefi8407]

Omg! just to the point👌🏻👌🏻 Thanks

[@ngendomargaret2292]

Thanks alot for this video omg I went through all that everything you are saying happened to me. But I thank God I managed to leave my narc. Thanks again.

[@Unbeatable]

Well done for finding the strength and courage to do so. Stay strong.

[@chrisbigarani1691]

Vivian McGrath You make a lot of sense. I know you're right. Thank you for taking the time to comment, and cheer me on, and for saying it straight! :-)

[@Unbeatable]

chris bigarani I’m an Aussie. We only ever tell it straight!

[@chrisbigarani1691]

@@Unbeatable LOL! How refreshing! :-)

[@cindyduran5143]

You explained it so well.

[@Unbeatable]

Thank you

[@catherineguillemard2490]

I left him after 9 years . But on my children and on myself it left traces . I took medicines during years I am healing now finally. You are right the sooner the better .But I realize it comes from childhood because ,even more when you are an empath, you tend to attract narcissists all the time .We have to go deep . I did not have during those years all the help there is on internet . Thank you for the people suffering from narcissistic abuses

[@Unbeatable]

catherine Guillemard I hope you are getting help and support now?. I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.beingunbeatable.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@flostep9887]

Tell me about it!

[@catherineguillemard2490]

@@Unbeatable Thank you so much . Had a few internet technical issues , get in touch as soon as possible

[@hagelslag9312]

At one point, I didn’t move my boundaries anymore. That’s when he started to discard me. He tried a few more things, but it didn’t work. Sure, I moved my boundaries a lot of times before that, I am very (too) forgiving. But I am so proud I stayed true to myself and my own morality. It actually saved me because that discard was what I needed. It was terrible, scarring. But I know deep inside one day I will look at it as the best thing that happened to me, because he started to become very violent.

[@pedromartins3783]

Thanks vivian,i ask you to keep going!! Love from Portugal!!

[@princesspumpkin5045]

Thank you so much for this video. I needed this ❤️

[@andersa3448]

Yes, it's sad how they can behave and they don't care how it ends.

[@tia6468]

They love pulling your hair as you try to walk away from their verbal abuse or any argument that they turn an twist your words to suit them or try to make you seem unhinged

[@wakeup721]

The day after my marriage I discovered the prenup I signed was not the one I agreed to....he switched documents. I was devastated, confronted him, he blamed the attorneys, claimed he didn’t know, protested it was boiler plate, etc. As I stood there with annulment papers in my hands screaming at him to sign it, he refused to sign it tried to calm me down, said it was a mistake and let him fix it. I stated to him if you don’t we well be divorced. Months went by nothing, then a bombshell landed in my lap, I found the prenup he had been working on with his handwriting all over it (I will forever wonder if he left it for me to find). Oh gawd he lied, it was him, all him, he did do it purposefully. I confronted him....he blew up, screamed at me, called me names, blamed me, threw the document across the room and stormed off. What? I didn’t do anything-HE DID, yet I was being punished. The next day he didn’t come home and didn’t until 4-weeks later. The first of three disappearing acts. Of course he did more-way more, no he never fixed the prenup, yes I divorced him exactly 2-years from the marriage date. Doing so was the hardest thing I will ever do, I left a man I was deeply in love with. I couldn’t take anymore of his abuse, I was a mess, in shambles. I looked bad, had gained weight, was on 9-meds (yes nine) to help cope with severe anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, debilitating migraines and constant worry. No he never hit me, or even touched me...his was mental abuse and it was ripping me to shreds. He would strike, I barely healed and he would strike again. It was never going to stop. Today I am 8-months past the divorce, I am off all meds, lost all the weight, I look better in the face and am healing. Thanks to Vivian’s message as to why they do this I can let it go and walk the path towards the light. I will be ok!

[@Unbeatable]

I'm so glad to read the end of this story. Put you and your needs first, always. Self-love is key. Keep going, it will get easier and easier and life will be beautiful again.

[@Thekoryosmenstribepodcast]

I'm in the weight gain stage. Went through the depression phase already, and she played on it over and over again. Even saying, "i cant be with you now, your in debt and you let yourself go, your fat. It just doesnt stop. Sorry after sorry, I love you, then guilt trip me, a nasty cycle. But I'm done, I'm cutting all ties. And the only reason I'm still here after watching my family and kids being ripped apart is cause my mom was my support person. I am fully aware my depression from it was pushing me to suicide. I was away from my kids for work an hour away 5 days out of the week, while she completely disrespected me, went into to debt, buying an RV and a truck to pull it, then she threatened to take my kids because my brand new RV wasnt sufficient enough for the kids (which it is very big) cause she kicked me out of my house and threatened to lie to the cops, I watched my kids fall apart, then she was bringing some man around my kids right after I left and rubbing it in my face after I told her it wasnt a good idea. All to gaslight me. She knew my kids are my weakness, and they mean everything to me. Then one day she says, "what am I supposed to do put my kids happiness above my own?". My jaw dropped. I have tried for 11 years to make her see how she is. WITH ZERO LUCK. They cannot be helped. And they are one of the most prolific abusers because they actively make you feel like you deserve the abuse. Now I just have to get this weight off. And focus on me and my kids.

[@Unbeatable]

@@Thekoryosmenstribepodcast Sorry to hear this. The good thing is you can see it for what it is now.

[@Thekoryosmenstribepodcast]

@@Unbeatable yea. It's easier than it was a year ago. A year ago I was a mess. But now I know what I need to do. It's still hard, but I know me and my kids will be ok. I just gotta get away. I cant take the mind games anymore. I'm just preparing for when she begs for me to come back. As you said the sorry is a hard thing to escape. Cause you want so bad for them to be different.

[@MusicBobAllan]

Brilliant!!! Especially about closure!!!

[@Unbeatable]

Thanks for watching

[@awolfadventureawildconnect5311]

I Listen to a lot of podcasts little shaman. Lisa a. Romano, this would have been a perfect first listen to amongst the garbage as its well put , clearly put, classy and together. Everyone who deals with this needs to hear it

[@Unbeatable]

sky phoenix thanks for watching

[@Unbeatable]

Thanks so much for your kind words of support. Feel free to recommend me to those podcasts as I love being guests on them ❤ I'm also starting my own podcast soon so look out for that!

[@pam164]

All narcs are not violent my last one was not but he was very passive aggressive he would cut me off if i tackled him about his behaviour ( like not turning up) and blaming me for over reacting so it was more emotional, the sweet mean cycle over and over but in a way its just as bad as violence. And the same i got glimses of his charming side but as time went on seen more of his moody side cold side. My ex husband was violent.

[@Unbeatable]

That's true, they aren't all violent. Emotional abuse can be hard to deal with too, as you say.

[@Unbeatable]

k meg I often have people say to me ‘I wish he’d hit me’ as emotional abuse can sometimes feel worse in its confusion. I hope you are free now.

[@Thekoryosmenstribepodcast]

Yes my ex wife was the same. Very passive aggressive. Will gaslight you, drive you insane by punishing you for everything you do, and then when you confront them, it's you not them. Everything you do is never good enough. So when give up doing anything then they complain because you arent doing anything. Arguments are infuriating, cause your chasing them while they make excuses, and will drive you insane cause you can never come to any understanding, so you leave the argument feeling robbed. You'll talk to them about their behavior and a week later they are doing it again and blame it on you. It's the single most confusing, infuriating, self destroying thing I've ever experienced. When I made mistakes I would always apologize. But had to pull teeth to get her to apologize when she did. I was always to sensitive because I wanted our relationship equal. She had control of my money, my life, my self esteem, my psyche, ALL OF IT. I'm out but have children with her. It's hard because i find myself starting arguments with her just to feel back in control and get closure somehow. But with a narcissist you will NEVER get closure. They believe they have done nothing wrong.

[@tianasharpe67]

k meg that’s how he was with me mean nice mean nice and eventually I just cried all the time and stop fighting back and he would say I’m sorry I’ll get better and got worse

[@arnellpharr5122]

Same with my ex-boyfriend

[@donnagair8564]

Absolutely spot on!

[@Unbeatable]

Donna Gair thanks for watching

[@echopathy]

brilliantly explained. good advise.

[@Unbeatable]

Thank you for watching

[@andidontcarelol]

Everything you said is exactly, EXACTLY how my ex is. And It took me 6 years to finally leave.

[@Unbeatable]

On average it takes seven times to finally leave. Good for you for finding the strength and courage to do so.

[@garimaheath]

Wow. That described my life pretty much....didn’t get to violence, but threatened it. I am so angry now, when I look back at the bullshit and gaslighting and constant , constant blame... he still tries to make me feel bad in tiny barbed texts... over Xmas - a single text - “why did you tell the kids to not pack their stockings?” Look at how he worded that. Put me on the defensive by assumption.

[@Unbeatable]

They are arch manipulators and it all ends up with them blaming you. Sorry that you have experienced this.

[@tamaragregory1560]

My husband is a narc we are separated,he started a new relationship now he starts to treat me as if I'm the side chick and not his wife.he posted his Vacation with her on social media says hes in love... I pray that God will repay. I pray the woman learns him early

[@Unbeatable]

Tamara Gregory sorry to hear this. I did another video on this subject: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rHu2oZaVd7GGp80

[@Love-tn9of]

So sorry Tamara, so sorry.

[@mariagabrielalinares2783]

Esto es lo más claro , exacto y preciso de lo que es convivir con alguien con esta patología Muchas gracias

[@tia6468]

For anyone that is still new to this discovery. As someone who has been through this for almost 15 years, Vivian is 100%right you keep doing more becoming more invisible feeling worthless until you lose yourself or possibly your life they drive you insane than tell the world that you are crazy whilst you provided them with evidence that they set you up to produce and they weaponize it against you no body will believe that you are the true victim "GET OUT" they never chang they only become more hurtful your abuse becomes their stress relief, don't fool yourself don't hold out for change you are lying to yourself you will become bitter and confused and isolated and your life hopes and dreams will fall into disparity and you will be the one to blame because you did not leave when your gut and your senses told you to also don't try to save this person they don't think they are the problem they will blame you for making them hurt you

[@willowclay3137]

His ex wife didn't figure him out. It took me 5 years to understand his tricks!

[@cherylabellar5351]

Thank you so much for this information.. :( I'm trying to let go..

[@simarsingh2620]

Best video I have seen so far

[@rebeccajones8628]

Something erupts. Very well explsined. I met one of these.....

[@lisskiebeans]

Learn to walk away...after the FIRST red flag....just pick up and WALK AWAY! They need no explanation...they don’t deserve it...

[@Unbeatable]

Good advice. Trust your gut!

[@Nina-vv3ev]

They do this to kids too...and then the honey moon is over! They start acting like an asshole and you’re punished for their bad behavior & trapped in their control

[@Invisileflyingdog]

This was exactly what have been happened to me!

[@js34lee]

wow im so thankful for this video. I just left my girlfriend because my gut told me it was very stressful. She kept on trying to seperate me against my family and used my past secrets to do so. She was definitely Narcisstic according to this video and I didnt know! I had regrets about feeling bad for dumping her now I am free!!!! Thank you

[@Unbeatable]

Trust your gut always and be glad you got out early and before the manipulation made it harder to

[@js34lee]

@@Unbeatable honestly i still feel guilty and feel sorry for her. any suggestion to speed up the healing process? thanks!

[@Unbeatable]

@@js34lee Healing is a journey I'm afraid and can take time. The most important thing to do is to focus on YOU, not her. You're not responsible for her, or her parent or therapist. Try to let go and know you did your best and have nothing to feel guilty for

[@loriemmanuel636]

Thank you for this video I have felt it was me and that I behaved badly. He would tell me one more chance and that's it I'm done. Normally healthy relationships are not this way.

[@deeflowers6096]

Omg you ARE so right , so right.

[@louise2091]

The physical violence is often started with holes punched in the wall, or stealing your phone,or deliberately breaking something you love. For me , it's not till I try to leave , that I see the violence against my person. Then begins the stalking!

[@Unbeatable]

It does escalate like that. Recognise the first signs of those red flags and heed the warning

[@garrimic3]

Individuals who have NPD only get worse the older they get. My ex wife has gotten more physically abusing and secretive the longer I would try to reconcile, but in reality she divorced me and even blamed the divorce on me and yet I was the one who was supposed to reconcile??? She has screamed, cursed me, threatened me, shoved me, slapped my phone out of my hands, slammed my phone on the tile floor screen down intentionally, came to my semi truck hitting both sides to make me have a conversation with her and yet I told her I didn’t want to talk and to go home, slung her keys at my face/ luckily reflex’s work so I caught the keys, and yet blames me for her actions???? No one is responsible for your actions or choices.... you are responsible for yourself.... She is also one who has a large need of validation, affirmation, encouragement and empathy... I have to let her know before I give her those things that this is me validating you at this moment, this is me encouraging you at this moment, this is me giving you empathy at this moment. If I don’t then I’m the one who doesn’t do those things ever. It’s like she can’t see me giving those things to her.... I had to walk away from her for good and yet I am the one who gave up on the relationship and all she was doing was loving me... yet she was the one in February 2020 who had the divorce finalized??? How did I give up???? My walking away from someone who destroys my things, physically abuses me, curses and screams at me, will not even allow me to get all my personal things out of her house even the things that belonged to my mother and grandmother yet she actually got all of her air looms and yes even mine???? You want to talk about a tornado???? I almost blew my brains out a few times and my 4 children are the only ones that went through my brain last second.... Do not allow anyone to have control of you ever, because once you are dead and gone they will just move on and destroy your kids lives in the process. Yes I did get angry sometimes and I did curse sometimes and I did remind her of her past sometimes. Yet I never physically hurt her, broke or stolen anything from her. Petted her and gave her messages any time she wanted. A cup of coffee nearly everyday at her bedside when she would get up for work and fix her a lunch nearly everyday. Whenever I was working of course I didn’t because I was working. Ahhhhhhhhhhh... what am I doing now.... telling strangers as I would tell her.... the things I would do for her yet those things were never gonna be good enough.... she always wanted more and more and more.... we should be able to validate, encourage, affirm and love ourselves and that shows a healthy mind. Giving to others is not bad either, but it is okay to draw the line especially if it is destroying yourself to make someone else happy that really will not be happy.

[@Stoviecakes]

Thank you for mentioning the male victims. Subscribed

[@LifebyK88]

I am two and a half years in and I get so drained and tired, I miss all the signs. I get confused. It is hard.

[@Unbeatable]

I’ve listed some free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@andreaxxx2239]

My ex broke with me two months ago. We were 6 years together. I realy loved him, but could not stand his unhealty interest in other women and young girls. And his totally lack of emphatie scared me. Never said sorry for the things he did. In 2018 I had a depression and he dumped me. In 2 weeks he had someone else. A 24 year old girl. He is 54. I am still sick of it!

[@Unbeatable]

Sorry to hear this. If you need help and support I have listed free and anonymous helplines here: www.vivianmcgrath.com/domestic-violence-resources/

[@jackieskaraoke3796]

The. Nice. Side. Is. Never. Gonna. Cone. Back. Again....because. it. Was. Fake. From. The. Beginnibg...

[@Zelda00Gamer]

This applies to my mother. She started verbally abusing me at age 9. After confronting her about it (and how it caused me to become suicidal by age 16) she told me with a straight face, that I was so difficult if she didn’t swear at me she would have killed me. My jaw dropped and I looked shocked and she just kinda nodded and was like yeah I would’ve killed you. That forever changed my perspective of her. There’s no forgiving that mental sickness. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CALLING A 9 YEAR OLD A BITCH If this applies to you I want you to know ITS THEIR FAULT not yours. It’s taken me a long time to accept that and in some ways it still eats at me.

[@Unbeatable]

I'm so glad you can see this. It is not your fault. I'm so sorry you went through this.

[@jdashlovela]

omg perfect in describing it

[@bethetruth6428]

Aaahh Real' Narcissists (N.P.D). Do Not ever apologize or have Real or serious deep meaning feeling Remorse either They can be an Empaths Opposite'!!!

[@Unbeatable]

If they do it's a fake apology, a means to get you back under their control

[@stacey3332]

You have articulated the cycle of abuse very well and the victim’s reactions and motivation in this cycle however I am unclear as to why the narcissist does this. For power? For fun? Is this considered “intimacy” for them? Are they just plain evil and plan to destroy others that fall in their trap? Is it because they want love and due to their disorder they don’t get their needs met by a person so they end up hating and punishing them? Are they just an abused child themselves and don’t know what it why they do this? Why is it that these narcs are so similar in the relationship stages and tactics? I would like to understand more. Thank you so much.

[@Unbeatable]

I believe there is a deep well of inner shame and they must hide this from themselves at all costs. They do this by controlling others and projecting their shame onto them and in my opinion, are unaware of this. They genuinely believe they are the victim. They have cognitive empathy - they can see other people have it and they can mimic it, but they don't have emotional empathy - they can't feel empathy.

[@cielarko6210]

Spot on. Now I feel that I married a demon. GET OUT TODAY!

[@Unbeatable]

Stay strong

[@NathanB-o6o]

This is kinda hard to listen to because it’s so True!. 😕

[@redeemed3856]

Excellent video!!!

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

denise b,hope you are not with a narc🙄 cause you re too precious 🌹🌹🌷🌺!

[@AmethystDreaming]

I always said he was never physically violent, but actually, he was, on several occasions. He would "bump" into me in the kitchen, or in any small room or space. Never said excuse me, just bumped hard and pushed with his torso. Bastard. No doubt he would have really physically hurt me eventually.

[@lanaliakada]

My narc ex used to say “you are the love of my life TILL NOW”, he even wrote that down one time. That he is my future husband, loves me in another dimension and so on. Later after breaking up showing him his lies he said it wasn’t lies. When I asked him if he had a new girlfriend he said “AT THE MOMENT yes”, and to my question “so you don’t love me anymore?” - “ I LOVE YOU for what we had” and that he won’t sacrifice his new relationship for me. In the next sentence saying that he doesn’t put that in contrast to us being maybe together in the future MAJOR MINDF*CK

[@janm9610]

She's right on. Thankfully I got out

[@Unbeatable]

jan m good to hear

[@michelleowen1110]

Someone help me get out of this type of relationship .. I have child, not with him. I'm afraid of my life falling apart. Idk who to call .. we have little resources, small town life. I can't handle it. He's making me feel insane .. I can't even put sentences together, think of words, I leave things in places they shouldn't be .. I'm nearly losing my job because I can't think straight.

[@kimdkus]

Narcs never own their behavior!

[@Unbeatable]

No, they don't.

[@justice4dalton]

Thank you!