How being aromantic asexual affects my daily life

[@bmudangel]

Howdy everbody. Tell me about what being aro/ace is like in your life and how it effects you. … Is it effect or affect. I know the difference between the two but I’m not sure how to use it in context of sexuality lol.

[@OtakuGunsoNY]

I'm asexual and grey romantic and have only been in 3 relationships in my entire life including 1 cover, one I actually cared about and a trauma bond ... xD Mostly my experience was simply having to compromise for the sake of companionship because I never had friends growing up as a result of being passed around my county

[@hazel1446]

Remember Affect Verb Effect Noun (RAVEN) That's how I usually remember it! So in this context it would probably be affect. Anyway, about the video, I totally feel the same about being single! For a long time I felt like really upset about "dying alone" but tbh when I really thought about it, I wouldn't be alone, because I would have friends and maybe family. I'm really grateful for this expanded viewpoint that my aroaceness has given me. Being "single" isn't always bad!

[@naddie.c]

I so relate to feeling weird describing myself as single. I feel like there needs to be a N/A option.

[@bmudangel]

Yeahh exactly. Sometimes there’s a “prefer not to say” but even that doesn’t seem right.

[@trmp9923]

​@@bmudangelyea like we have huge secrets or something 😂

[@coralinesminecraftanimatio1313]

Exactly. Even though I'm just asexual but I always get annoyed when people is like "how are you okay on being single" or "you are going to be lonely for the rest of your life." First of all, being single is amazing. Second of all, I'm not going to be lonely, I have friends.

[@Mimi12350]

Same ! After discovering that I am asexual and aromantic few years from now, being single is the most beautiful thing I have discovered 😍🤩🤍👏 And Yes, certain people think asexual and aromantic means that you are alone and I am super surrounded by my family 😍🥰🤍🤩 that I qualify as my second best friend and my first best friend is of course me first. But yeah, it doesn’t affect me negatively. . . And I just make things clear and there is no confusion or misinterpreted. Peace ! ✌️

[@alottoftea]

"I want to babysit kids I can eventually get rid of" - I felt that haha I'm so set on being the best auntie ever to my brother's kids

[@henriikkakamula9467]

I feel like because I'm aroace I can't consume that much romantic and/or sexual content in the media. It's like romantic and sexual content in media are a really, really sweet beverage that I enjoy from time to time, but when I have too much of it I start to feel like throwing up

[@naniiamoart98]

Wow this analogy is exactly how i feel too!!!

[@henriikkakamula9467]

Yay! I'm happy to hear that!

[@tora3584]

I FEEL THIS SO MUCH! ya romance used to be my favourite genre to read, but i'm in my mid-twenties now, and lately, those kinds of books have been annoying to me and i just don't enjoy them anymore. i'm making the switch to mysteries now haha

[@333lookz]

I've been in a relationship for 6 years and have just now realized why I always have these underlying feelings of just wanting to be alone and not bothered. I thought something was wrong with me (or him). There desperately needs to be more discussions about this!! I've gone from identifying as bisexual to lesbian to asexual to now aroaceflux.

[@minecraftservization]

For me it was like: Well I do not care about the Sex thing and the Romance thing. It will happen if it should happen. I even got annoyed when it got brought up to me by family XD (still to day but in a diffrent way) Now I know i am AroAce and now the Topic lives rentfree in my Head sometimes for days xD till I find new Topics to be obsessed about XD Sorry for my Bad Englisch, it is not my nativ language

[@bmudangel]

Yeah it can get tiring when people talk about that kind of stuff when you don’t want to talk about it. Also your English is pretty good, so no worries!

[@serenediipity]

god i forgot how much being aroace influenced my lack of a fashion sense for so many years of my life..... and yeah, i absolutley agree, the idea that single = lonely is so soul crushing but i'm glad i overcame that and hope my fellow aspecs learn to not feel relationship fomo

[@bmudangel]

Yeah sometimes ppl look at me sideways but I’m just dresssin however I want man

[@mk-aka-morgan8386]

I don’t think it affects me negatively day to day since I don’t usually leave me house, but I’m sure that if I were perceived more in life that I would be affected negatively, not because of my AroAce-ness, but because of how people treat AroAce people

[@serzpentides]

As an aroace person, my experience was neutral. My dad was the first to know and he's told me "You know what, I think you're asexual" and he also figured I was aromantic. I'm still surprised he knew the terms and the meanings but I still felt accepted for who I am. When it came to my friends, all of them accepted me as well. I did have one ex-bestfriend who told me that my life must be so boring and started listing off things that I eat or drink, and what I don't eat or drink (it was around the time they were embarrassing me in front of their other friend but that's besides the point). I haven't faced the people who will tell me that I'm going through a phase or if I haven't found the right person yet, etc. I have dialogues prepared for those moments just in case. Later on, I might buy myself an aroace flag and bracelet to embrace my sexuality.

[@bmudangel]

It’s so cool that it was your dad who pointed it out. Makes me think how he came across it but it’s nice that he kept an open mind enough to actually look into it. Also I’m slowly growing my aroace pride stuff to be be more open with it

[@farhhana9336]

For me it was my Sister 😊

[@lovel2940]

I relate to this so much! A good way to explain it in error found isome to ask if someone likes icecream and what's their favourite flavour. And imagine each flavour is a sexuality. Some people are into the same flavour as them. Some people like different flavours. But I and aroace just don't like ice cream in general,and that's the difference between me and them.( I actually love icecream but 4 the metaphor it works)

[@bmudangel]

Yeah that metaphor does kinda work!

[@ShalemAhava]

Things I hear from others being Queer Grey-Ace: “You haven't found the right one yet” “Your confused” “I wish I was ace” “I don't always like people sexual, but I'm not ace” It gets tiring trying to explain to people your not actively seeking a relationship either most of the time. Most people get confused or they assume its something else. I've just learned to embrace it.

[@bmudangel]

Yeah sometimes is it’s out of rudeness but sometimes it’s just ignorance. It can rlly be extremely hard for a lot of ppl to imagine a life being ace

[@mrjoker3665]

As a aroace person im fairly aromantic dont see my self in a romantic relationship possibly a QPR but im VERY asexual as in i dont want sex with someone ever.

[@mrjoker3665]

If I was to end up in a relationship most likely a QPR it would be mainly for the companionship but it's not something I'm in a rush about. I could go out with someone I just won't have the same feelings back.

[@bmudangel]

Yeah I get it. QPR seems nice, i especially would rather with someone who is on the aroace spec too

[@averybutdifferent5294]

being in high school it really sucks. people often poke fun at me for being single or “no bitches” as they say and like. I have lots of bitches okay! Their names are satisfaction and acceptance in my identity and my lack of desire for a romantic relationship.

[@bmudangel]

The only bitches we need

[@miaheartsptg]

IM SO GLAD SOMEONE MADE A VIDEO AB THIS

[@bmudangel]

[@lisanygaard2720]

I only recently, at 58, figured out I an aroace. It’s an interesting thing about me, but knowing it doesn’t change anything for me (just a fact, like how I have no sense of direction). It’s how I’ve always been, and now I have a word for it. I have been lucky to be in a family that never pressured me into any sort of mold. I have three sisters (no brothers), two of whom had bad marriages. The other has chosen not to marry her BF of 30+ years. I have one niece and one nephew and love them very much, but didn’t babysit until they were older and more fun to be around. They are now adults and have chosen to be childfree. I’ve always been childfree by choice. I don’t really get lonely. Sometimes I will enjoy watching a relationship in a movie or on TV and think that might be nice, but then I remember how they would annoy me 99% of the time. I’ve had a couple of roommates and they got on my nerves. I’m happy on my own in my peaceful apartment that stays clean and no one eats my snacks.

[@cassandraflannigan7489]

I'm in the same boat accept for the asexual part I identify as aromantic and love being single no stress no mess I'm very happy with just having friendship and family

[@ands_t]

I would like to experience a QPR someday

[@lesedintuli340]

Always nice to watch your vids

[@bmudangel]

Aw thanks man

[@quite_fair]

hullo hullo! my eternal excuse as to why i am not dating/actively tryna find 'the one'/looking for a life partner is because i have the excuse of 'job advancement'. (for context, im a doctor that's looking to become a specialist/consultant. the struggle is goddamn real in terms of work and studying while working a job that's tryna kill you. so most people in my life are understanding in terms of like the fact that i literally have no time to breathe, let alone like 'attempt' to find a life partner.) so that's like the excuse rn as to why im not getting married and having babies like 3/4 of my peers. but i think a lot of people, family included, are like resigned to the fact that im not gonna get (straight). married lmao. shits complicated esp if you're in an asian culture like me. in daily life im like chillin and vibin like the weirdo i am. and it took me a long time to accept myself. figuring out aromantic-asexual identities are the absolute worst in my humble opinion, cause our society is so fuckin allo that it's killing me. everything is about romance this, romance that, fuckin this person etc. there's so much i could go into about how romantic relationships are always prioritised over friendships, and how that can completely fuck over aroace folk. WHY are romantic/sexual relationships prioritised in all societies? hell, why is it that romantic/sexual relationships are the pinnacle or modern society>????? idk. ive got a lot of thoughts about this.

[@bmudangel]

Thanks for sharin those thoughts with us man. A lot of people feel the same as you- like almost all aroace spec folks feel similarly. You do also seem hella busy so good luck to you on that lol

[@kaseyford1490]

I've just accepted being Aroace right before Pride Month so it was good timing haha! I first came out coincidentally in Pride Week in Feb and had a hard time accepting the truth about this 'new' orientation(even though I've always been comfortable like this, the label gave a me whole new perspective). It's like I had to reaccept myself and I didn't like it but I'm back to being fine now and am definately PROUD! If it ever gets me down, I always tell myself what crap I don't have to deal with 😂

[@bmudangel]

Horrayy for your acceptance! Happy pride 🌈

[@Lucifer00606]

Finding out I was aroace really lifted a big burden off my shoulders. That whole thing abt not worrying how you look coz you aren't looking to date someone, I feel that on a spiritual level. When I found out I was aroace it lifted majority of the insecurities off my shoulders coz I was always thinking I need to look good or no one would date… even if I didn't care/didn't want anyone to date me. So everytime I'm getting ready to go outside I'm dressing up for me and no one else, I couldn't be *paid* to go back to living the way I used to. Another way being aroace has affected my life is being able to talk abt it. Whenever I try and mention anything to do with my attraction to people or trying to explain things, my brother just has this uncomfortable look on his face just hearing me talk. Like I can just be proclaiming my undying (aesthetic) attraction to some actress and he just doesn't even interact with me and just straight up tells me I'm being too loud or smth like that. Real heart breaking. Other than that, I'm enjoying my life.

[@bmudangel]

Yeah there was a Times growing up as a teenager, I felt that I’m supposed to be pretty and be feminine in order to be seen as pretty. Dressing for others to thing in attractive. But as I grew older, I realized that I actually don’t care about being pretty or rlly attracting anyone. Even though the way I present myself is way different than how I used to look, I still think I’m kinda cute lol. Also it does suck to talk to people about it when they don’t understand it at all or outright reject it. Most people see aroace as an impossible life but oh well lol

[@sylmanyeki9323]

I bought myself a wedding ring (it looks expensive but it’s not) just to keep people away! It has worked so far!😊

[@sariebleumink242]

Commenting because you said so ❤

[@bmudangel]

U better lol

[@therealgowon]

i just realized that i’m aroace a few days ago so i’m happy to find ur channel. also i was ur 500th sub 🤭

[@bmudangel]

I’m glad u found my channel! And THANK YOU WOO

[@OverEverything438]

I found myself relating to everything said in this video. Before finding out I was aroace, like recently ,made the mistake of joining a group with other singles or other virgins. Couldnt get what the others were talking about. But you and every other ace/aro or both people say everything I also resonate with.

[@acereporter266]

OK so here's the deal ... I have a gay roommate. We don't have a QPR so neither of us will ever have romantic or sexual feelings towards the other. We don't have a QPR but we are partners in a sense ... we are friends and roommate but there is nothing romantic or sexual between us, and it was this way long before I knew I was aro/ace.

[@bmudangel]

Well a qpr also don’t have romantic or sexual feelings either. It’s a Queer Platonic Relationship.

[@hsdfghdc]

8:49 i feel the exact same way😭😭

[@SVT-SKZ-TXT-ENHA]

Commenting because you said to :D XD

[@mirandarensberger6919]

Yeah, society always seems to think that single = available. Trying to tell people that I'm single because I actively want to be, because the idea of being in a relationship gives me the heebiejeebies (and no, I don't want to meet your cousin's friend's nephew that I have so much in common with cuz we're both single), sometimes feels like a complete waste of breath. But I will never give up on getting the point across, because that would feel like letting other people define me. I hope as aros keep gaining visibility, more people will start to acknowledge our experiences as real. I'd say the biggest challenge for me is that I am aro but not ace. It's really difficult to get the sexual desire met without getting dragged into the kind of relationship I don't want. Trying to do it in a way that is kind and ethical to the other person, and doesn't entail getting involved with repulsive creeps, is nearly impossible. Add being an introvert who has a hard time with meeting and being around people in general, and I don't know if I'll ever figure out how to do it. Otherwise, the biggest thing has just been teaching my phone that I am (usually) NOT trying to say "aromatic".😄

[@bmudangel]

Fr I’m tired of some peoples default being to try to set me up with someone. I DONT WANT NOBODY LIKE THAT. Also it’s either auto correct to aromatic or a romantic. Lol

[@catherinej6542]

I am currently 25 and certain on my asexuality, potentially demisexual (or not, I don't want to be near genitals tbh) but I'm not certain how I identify romantically as I have never been on a date or been in a relationship, tried dating apps, nor have I had anyone explicitly express romantic interest in me (there was actually one time in college and he was not being subtle about it but never said it to my face so I'd like to not count that lol). I would like to date and get married and have all the little romantic experiences in between, but I don't think I've ever felt romantic attraction to complete strangers so maybe I'm demiromantic??? Not directly about asexuality, but something that I look back on now from freshman year of college is that my suitemates were very surprised to find out that I had never had a boyfriend despite having (at the time) a really nice body shape/ass in their opinion (not in arrogance, more of a 'noooo that can't be right!!' kind of tone). This was part of a much longer conversation that we were having about narrowing down my ideal person (which should've been an asexual sign to me lol) and I wasn't offended by this, just kind of in disbelief that they thought I was good looking enough for someone to find attractive (and that's courtesy of ✨debilitating self image✨)

[@bmudangel]

Maybe u can look into cupioromantic? I’ll leave the definition for u- Cupioromantic: describes a person who wants a romantic relationship, but does not feel romantic attraction

[@whysosour935]

hahahh a partner in crime WERE KILLING 🔥 yes🤧😅

[@bmudangel]

🗡️🗡️🗡️

[@Dumb_Oni]

bro dont worry you got the biggest advantage in lgbtq+ community you dont need share your food with a partner lesssss goooooooooooo

[@Rottenwithcaramel]

I'm aroace, and I'm the more repulsed type. my life is almost a hell. I even thought a lot that I wasn't an aroace, I even imagined myself dating, but I always felt so bad and empty, For me, even physical touch is kind of disgusting, I don't understand how people feel something of this. I don't know what my life will be like, since people seem to care more about romantic relationships than friendship, sometimes I want to give up everything and just want to be friends with a dog. Because of this, since I was a child, I've had fantasies in my head about living in a world without this, just with my friends, having fun, without romance, with friends who really like me, kind of sad think that. I always see people always saying "aroaces can date, or feel love" and that sort of thing, But what about me? Like, I'm the type that HATE romance or sexual things I don't like romantic music, I don't like romantic movies, I don't even like seeing couples, I hated everything with romance in it, and what do I do? most Aroaces don't seem to like the idea of not fully feeling love or hate romantic things, and I feel sad, because I'm literally like that. 🥲

[@bmudangel]

You’re absolutely not alone in how you feel. It’s hard feeling like the odd one out almost everywhere you go but it’s okay to feel that way. Everyone has at least one thing about them that’s gonna make them feel like the odd one out sometimes and that’s perfectly fine and normal. Trust me, once you rlly see the SUFFERING ppl go through because of romance and relationships , you’ll be glad that you’re aroace lol. Dealing with friends,worklife, family, is enough of a handful. Love is subjective and it means differently form person to person. You are you’re own person and love is different for you and that’s okay.

[@Rottenwithcaramel]

@@bmudangel Thank you so much, seriously, I love your channel, as me a aroace, you have already helped me a lot on this subject, and knowing that I'm not alone makes me very happy, thanks

[@soukee4278]

Bruhhhh, i just wanna hug u. Ive been hating myself for a while just cus im aroace and wont get into any relationtship any soon. I feel a bit better now thx😀🧡💛🤍🧊💙

[@bmudangel]

I’m glad to be of some help ^^