How Close We Are To Actual Teleportation | Futureproof with Michael Swaim

[@ideasoftheshipwrecked]

After Hours but it's just Michael moving from seat to seat carrying on a conversation in the voices of the other three while gently weeping.

[@Khazhra]

Genuinely a great April Fools' Day idea

[@tannerdowney2802]

I'd watch that.

[@ideasoftheshipwrecked]

It could be called After Hour

[@JerzCe73]

Oh I miss After Hours, I swore it was going to tv...damn good show

[@WhoIsRaphaelLeraux]

I'd watch it

[@JP1348]

Somehow Swaim returned.

[@karlmaw7734]

Baby DOB blood allows midichlorians to pass to clones

[@libertas_americana]

I mean, both parties need each other. Because Cracked isn’t the same without the old crew and Michael is nothing without cracked… …Dan is doing great i heard tho lol

[@EinDose]

Oh good, the time travel worked, I'm back in 2010, I CAN WARN EVERYONE

[@mikewood8815]

2010 was 3 years from now... im sorry for you abyss

[@Logan7281X]

Don't spoil the surprise!!

[@DS-gc7vg]

Please save us all.

[@AlokSharma1]

Don’t trust Elon

[@hhiippiittyy]

They won't listen.

[@twig8523]

Surely We're All Impressed by Michael

[@ryanfeldpausch858]

Swaim Was Always In My (thoughts)

[@kaoslobster3742]

I missed this at the start of the video and your comment made it all better.

[@crosswarrior7]

#mouthtruth

[@kenyonmitchell2107]

Sadly I Was beginning to think that A proper return was Impossible My dude

[@RUPPARUPP]

Interesting play cracked... I’m scared to be happy because you’ve hurt me too many times..

[@acgeewhiz]

Yeah. I’m sure S.W.A.I.M. will be here for a bit, and I’m stoked. But I’m not hopeful it will be long term, unless I’ve vastly underestimated the audience demand for this channel.

[@duncanluciak5516]

Ask for your money back.

[@mjgrose]

This is exactly the kind of pedantic over-analysis of pop culture that made me fall in love with cracked in the first place. Michael Swaim coming back strong.

[@draivaden9745]

Hey. Cracked. Pay this man 4x whatever you think he is worth. And offer up a formal apology to the internet for what you did.

[@Icpantale]

People forget that he quit cracked before the layoffs even happened

[@shotgun6X]

@@Icpantale He saw where the tide

[@H3pheastus]

This is the only comment.

[@draivaden9745]

@@Icpantale nah, I remember that. He deserves the money and the internet deserves the apology.

[@VildhjartaFanGurl]

Ye

[@Busto]

"Daniel O'Brien may have 2 Emmy's, but I'm back doing videos on Cracked & making references to the early aughts." Well played Mr. Swaim🤣🤣🤣

[@tbirdguy1]

Five Emmys... five.

[@acgeewhiz]

Yeah, it was cute to think it was only two. He might not know what to do with more than two (perfect for the ends of a bookshelf), but “Last Week Tonight” can’t seem to stop winning, lol.

[@ideasoftheshipwrecked]

He's just a shill for the narrative now. Be jealous of Soren over on American Dad. Now THAT'S good cultural content.

[@squallloire]

@@ideasoftheshipwrecked You seem like you're in the wrong place if you think working for Last Week Tonight (a show that repeatedly criticises the ACTUAL narrative in the world today) is being a "shill for the narrative". Maybe try Newsmax.

[@capnjackdaniels3663]

​@squallloire I'm sure they're already watching that schlock

[@redfury91]

Swaim was the reason cracked was so good. i still watch the After Hours playlist sometimes just for gicks and kiggles. every episode was hilarious

[@sageletrox]

This is how I learn Cracked still makes videos

[@codyofathens3397]

They didn't got a long time. Literally axed the whole department back in the day.

[@jeromyesplin5722]

Michael, this comment may get buried but I appreciate you and your work on Small Beans. I'm super glad to see you in "the flesh" and look forward to future content from you. Nothing but the best.

[@codyofathens3397]

Glad to see Swaim back! I hope whoever got rid of all the video team all those years ago fucking regrets it.

[@montaine320]

I cannot believe in the middle of my CrackedTV/Does Not Compute rewatch/old crack grief session Swaim returns

[@jaredlafortune7007]

Dude same I was jist rewatching a buttload of afterhours.

[@n3rdw0p]

I am you, I do the same often

[@MeadowPercent]

lmao i was doing the same thing, even going years without watching i still often remember some of the old jokes

[@AlexanderR-mz6my]

Samesies

[@adambruer9943]

More proof we are all just 1 person.

[@RabblesTheBinx]

Nightcrawler doesn't need to be able to see where he's going, he just needs to _have seen it._ It does seem to have a limited range, but that exact range is pretty inconsistent and, as long as he can visualize the place he's going, he can get there (assuming it's within his teleportation range).

[@aprokhozhy]

Swaim on cracked. Never thought I’d see the day. Welcome back, sir edit: it finally happened... i have the top comment... ok, time to go mad with power. Micheal, as the law of the internet dictates, i have a request for the next vid. please do a deep dive on the scifi dangers of artificial intelligence. i need a fresh compendium to be both scared and well-informed. thanks!

[@Artradz1]

#wining

[@lootwijk]

I am… what is this? There are no words!

[@LarryHow]

I’m so scared and confused.

[@tanin34]

This is the way

[@TheVincentKyle]

LISAN AL SWAIM!

[@BitWordy]

I like to think my twice daily rewatching of every After Hours video made this happen

[@EosFunk]

Its literally my comfort show. Just watched it again last night

[@BitWordy]

@@EosFunk then WE did it!! :D

[@VSValeant]

After Hours plays when I’m hungover, but can’t sleep. So in lay in bed, eyes closed, listening. Also, sometimes when I need some background distraction.

[@recsporteducation4594]

same.

[@mdccxcii6340]

He's returned! Just as the prophecy foretold!

[@nicholasgraveline7384]

Twas writty, dawg

[@LadysavagexXxX]

Lisan al Gaib!!!!😂😂😂

[@TestUser-cf4wj]

_But it's an apocalyptic prophecy!!_ We're all doomed!

[@ke6nber]

There was Prophecy? I didn't get the memo on that. Was there an email?

[@TimmyT1234]

"By light of nothing, by dark of bright, the jedi way, we look, we are. Protect. Jedi. Good. Yes." It all makes so much sense now

[@quickfate]

Okay welcome back, but more importantly holy shit swaim, you look so much healthier and put together, i hope lifes looking up for you brother.

[@TestUser-cf4wj]

I think I might have like boozy Swaim better. I'm a horrible person.

[@aaronk8440]

Jesus, Swaim is back! Missed ya my dude!

[@TestUser-cf4wj]

No, no. His name is _Michael_ Swaim. Jesus Swaim is his Mexican cousin.

[@AbyssalDrake88]

I mean, Small Beans was always there, but... it's fine.

[@aaronk8440]

@@AbyssalDrake88 Hey, I loved Off Hours. But then Swaim got his new job and understandably couldn’t do it anymore. I kinda fell off after that.

[@shawnparkspost]

"... I nerd out about classic sci-fi staples and their real-world counterparts." And I'm hooked by the end of the first sentence.

[@elcapitan008]

2:50 UHM ACKSHULLY: Gates do have a range limit in StarGate though it is relatively rarely brought up (and depends on the type of gate). If you travel to a distant gate you do so by hopping gate to gate across the network and the network has a definitive edge. You can boost the output to get to a far away gate out of network but with the energy required it is generally a one way trip and you need another way back.

[@shawngill9286]

um actually not true the gate technology it self dose not really have a limit its the power that increases fast that limits how far they can go but there have multiple time were seveal gallexiys away have happened at at the peek billions of light years away have happed tho that took the destruction of a planet.

[@ThenameisNiels]

I love people with Ackshully-glasses (no matter how they are spelled :D )!!

[@JL-gq6tu]

Welcome back Swaim! It's worth staying subbed to Cracked after all these years, this was the exact reward I was waiting from the universe!

[@Sarah_Warner0017]

SAME!!!!🎉

[@redheadbandanna1973]

Me too

[@tbirdguy1]

As an O'brien stan... five emmies... five. Every year since 2019. The man is unstoppable. Welcome back Swaim! We missed ya!

[@emperorbailey]

He has two. Then he also has three more. So you see, what Swaim said was true… from a certain point of view.

[@carlinhounjet555]

Ok Dan

[@trumanbeliever]

Pretty sure he prefers O'Brien Staniel.

[@jbwwins]

Ok but this is the best business move they have made since tearing down one of the best online comedy websites, happy to see you on another channel, *a faithful small beans follower, love you buddy

[@MackyFermion]

Swaim on Cracked, glory what a day! I needed good news after these migraines. 😅

[@ryanmerrill2273]

Imagine my delight being rewarded on a random whim to just plug your name in and get rewarded with piles of content featuring your sweet face. Glad you're back, Michael, thanks for turning a dreadful afternoon into Christmas morning with fireworks 🎆🎆

[@RebecaAlexandre]

This represents me more than coffee and the bi pride flag.

[@guu3528]

Phew! I was about to ask "since when?!" and brace for "oh, a few years now" but... well, phew. Welcome back, man. That whole era is so missed.

[@Jdwest81]

Good to see you Swaim. I didn’t fully appreciate you until you were gone. I won’t make that mistake again.

[@MWP4U]

Swaim is back! Holy shiiiiiz!

[@kylejohnson6557]

HOLY SHIT!!! WELCOME BACK SENOR!!!

[@kylejohnson6557]

I’d like you to tackle the sci-fi biology of the Zerg from StarCraft!!! Specifically how feasible it is for a system like the “Survival of the Fittest on a cellular level” nonsense(?) they put into the game Wings of Liberty to actually work.

[@sergemalena6677]

Awww, he found the door out of youtube but it just eventually led back to youtube. Was...was it nice...out there?

[@severalwolves]

For most of the late 00s/ early 10s, my litmus test for whether or not I gelled with somebody’s sense of humor was to show them Swaim’s Cracked TV or Those Aren’t Muskets sketches. So glad to see him back!

[@elgibby5]

So glad you're back, Swaim! DOB and his emmys can suck it, you were always the funniest one on After Hours. To this day, I will randomly quote, "What else does the card know? ASK IT HOW I DIE!" No one gets it but I always give myself a chuckle. Great video, looking forward to many more. Maybe the next one can tackle cryogenic freezing? P.S. I don't really think DOB and his emmys should suck it. DOB is very funny, too.

[@qwertyman1511]

so, the spooky action of entangled particles is that the card is not determined when they depart, through means(tm), it has been established it's *not* merely carrying concealed information.

[@MrTheGadfly]

I see a returned Swaim , I click. Maybe After Hours return is not too far off

[@shanegraham2500]

I sooo miss After Hours. Let's get The Band back together!

[@RicPendragon]

@@shanegraham2500 Might be hard, Dan works on Last Week Tonight now, and Soren is writing for American Dad. Not sure what Katie's up to tho

[@janiceholcomb8490]

One could only hope!

[@Hydroculator]

They take dinner breaks, don't they? Just FaceTime them all together, slap a diner backdrop in the alpha, and let'er rip.

[@tj-intercharismaticdwyer6569]

Or a zoom call after hours replacement, with Dan sitting behind the last week tonight desk and Swaim constantly using video effects/filters to make up for the lack of his physical comedy with everyone's food.

[@lightning1403]

Love to see you back dude

[@ecastu]

Anti gravity is a topic I'd love to see. Also, seeing this gorgeously familiar face is the only reason I've clicked on cracked anything in years.

[@kevinthompson3047]

I would love to see a reunion of the OG cracked crew... After hours 2025

[@blackamaterasuflame]

Michael Swain appearance AND confirmation that DOB is still riding for LWT? This is an excellent day.

[@TimJenningsVideo]

It always makes me happy when I see his name in the credits. He's one of the senior writers now.

[@1981bdt]

Welcome back, Swaim! . Glad I stayed subscribed. . WAIT! Where's Clippy? . Stargate has the same problem as The Fly, the Ancients have merely pre-installed the gates and it's limited to however much power you can put in the gate. An entire planet explodes and you get a couple galaxies away. . In Star Trek, we know the consciousness goes through the entire transporter process from that episode where we follow Barcley through it. . Nightcrawler "can" teleport to places he can't see, but he doesn't know that. He actually slips into another dimension, travels to where he wants to and slips back into ours with no memory of the other dimension.

[@colterlemons233]

Welcome back Swaim!!! So stoked

[@mikeswanson6]

Oh Michael, we’ll take you over any Dan. From A’Brien to Z’Brien. Now when are the new Escort Mission episodes coming out?

[@iambicpentakill971]

Yes please! Greg, get your ass back here! Heck, I'd even take Zathew.

[@Cenyon]

Millennials can finally feel safe watching Cracked again. Good to see Swaim back!

[@NhilNinja]

Wild to see Swaim again! Love the shoutout to O'Brien

[@DirtyDancer_DB]

Great to see you again Michael! If it means anything, you win the Emmy of my heart... 🤗 I would like know your take on how sci-movies explain what happens to the human body when it's traveling at an incredible speed. Sometimes there's seats and harnesses or even a special space-juice that is injected directly into the body, like in The Expanse, and of course sometimes they are just kinda standing around. Thanks! btw.. do think you can get me Dan's autograph?

[@ottilie8890]

Micheal Swaim is back! The internet is finally healing!

[@westofley]

I always love seeing Swaim. It's just nice that he's still doing stuff.

[@araema1138]

Guess I’m re-subscribing to Cracked! Yay Swaim!

[@hannahswallow1150]

I hope your Amsterdam character arc went well. It's amazing to have you back. It would be great to see an updated analysis of potential sci-fi armagedons to see which are most likely

[@Oliviajanebrink]

Woah… did I just travel back in time??

[@odoylerules360]

SWAIM!!! I missed you!

[@AdamantiumJelo]

WHAT! Swaim is back on Cracked!?

[@the_prehistoric]

I haven't been paying much attention to Cracked content since they let everyone from this era go, but I'll definitely tune in for new Swaim videos!

[@NonegIven-x1w]

So good to see you back sir, haven't watched since your departure

[@KC-lm7gm]

Great to have Swaim back - I've been listening to Small Beans all this time, but it's really great to see him.

[@e7ebr0w]

These are the only videos I will watch from cracked now.

[@mzmendy]

And my bimonthly rewatch of after hours.

[@e7ebr0w]

@@mzmendy I can't get my fix without OPCD and does not compute

[@himonightbreeze]

Glad you're back!

[@Daniel-rp7nb]

0:12 Daniel has 5 Emmys - thats very sad Michael still has trouble with math.

[@LungsOutJem]

🤣🤣🤣

[@madbadbat]

Welcome back! Suggested tech to tackle: phaser/disruptor/disintegration beam. It always broke my brain to see the beam vapourize the whole person, including clothing and equipment, but sometimes the person drops an item, or sometimes their clothes are left behind, or sometimes an entire door evaporates, but the walls around the doorway are intact... How does the beam understand what it's supposed to destroy?

[@tedmich]

A Cracked OG! Thank you!

[@mothvamp2931]

it didn't fuse the air or his clothes because they don't have a GENOME, Michael, DUH, did you WATCH the movie in all seriousness though its great to see you back on the channel! I loved this video. ... actually, now that I think about it, if his clothes were made out of plant (cotton, linen) or animal (leather) material, wouldn't that have a legible genome that would confuse the machine? and what about the microbes in the air or on the surface of the machine, or heck, in his guts and shit? ... You've made me think, Swaim. You win this round.

[@HowardMelrose]

Glad ur back. Tackle Universal Translators. Also explain the sentence in English, translitered Spainish, Spanish, and Mandarin: If you were a purple crow, you would fear a cat's maw.

[@WhoIsRaphaelLeraux]

Yooooo! I can't over state just how hype I was to see Swaim in a Cracked video again

[@kurtweeks6812]

Watched just for the Swaim, been a long time since I've watched anything other than Roger on this channel.

[@TestUser-cf4wj]

Not even Swaim can woo me back to subscribing. The doors to my heart closed forever the day Cracked fired the old crew. Now I'm a bitter, spiteful man who only laughs at funerals and waiters who drop things.

[@MaskedMike004]

Great to have you back Michael 🙂 I still regularly watch After Hours and several other Cracked series, hope to see more of you here soon

[@Actionfan19]

Welcome back Swaim. Next Sci-Fi thing you can look over is Lasers.

[@mattresbert]

Was waiting for the folded piece of paper and pen❤

[@banerifthammer4608]

Good to have you back mate love your work

[@FilthyCasualYT]

I am honestly so happy to see Michael Swain back on Cracked! With RT dead, this is the little shot of nostalgia I needed.

[@austinthomas6405]

Was wondering how big the Venn Diagram was, hardly mentioned anywhere else. RIP RT

[@rebuildingrory9704]

What is RT?

[@FilthyCasualYT]

@@rebuildingrory9704 Rooster Teeth

[@SmokeyLaBear]

​@@rebuildingrory9704, either Russia Today or Rotten Tomatoes

[@dietsoda1093]

Yessssss swaim is backkkk my love i missed u so much

[@moonlightvamp]

Michael Swaim!!!!!!!!! I still go back and watch After Hours, missed you!!

[@BillBrasky5351]

Dude was in my non-fiction writing class in college! Amazing talent even though he’s not wearing much velour. I approve! 🫡🏄‍♂️🌊🤷‍♀️

[@codyofathens3397]

I am so jealous. Lol. I had the biggest crush on him back in the day. Haha. Still one of my favorite actors, his timing is impeccable.

[@CaptainRuff]

I hope they've hired you to run their entire video production team. It's been rough the last year and a half. Glad youre back, hope it is a good move for you!

[@angelalovell5669]

Ma, Pa, get the kids and get on down to the basement - SWAIM'S BACK ON CRACKED!

[@djsyntic]

I would love to see you talk about Cloning. Also good to see you back.

[@mabusestestament]

It appears that humor has returned on Cracked 🤞

[@KarmaticBuggAdventures]

I'm sitting here going... do I re-subscribe now to show the algorithm more Swaim please? Or do I wait to see if this is a one off for the channel? ...How many times do I let one KZbin channel break my heart?...

[@EdwinQFoolhardy]

I haven't even watched the video yet, but I am so damn happy to see this.

[@lauraanders2849]

Escort Mission when?

[@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth]

There's a fantastic book called "Will Save Galaxy for Food" that presents the idea of a sci-fi future where all the heroic space pilots lose their jobs once portals are invented. The portals are extremely boring doorways that connect two points in space. You walk through them like you would any normal doorway, and they can work from any distance. It's hilariously mundane.

[@joshuagordon7354]

God damn. How is Michael Swaim back on Cracked! Has Hell frozen over!

[@jonathanopperman1124]

Dude, it's so good to see you back here. Amazing. Love that.

[@Halflife2-y2m]

I have missed you, Sir Swaim.

[@betterstories]

I'll follow you Michael, if only because you may be the only person on KZbin to not use "begs the question" when he means "raises the question."

[@taczernan]

I miss Cracked TV because I'm old as hell. But also hearing SWAIM explain some condensed physics info in a tightly edited video was oddly satisfying. In the first time in years, Cracked videos are back on my radar. Damn you nostalgia.

[@LycanLink]

Even as somebody who never stopped watching Cracked during the dreaded upheaval, I am ecstatic to have you back, Swaim. I hope you had fun making this vid, because I had fun watching it. 💜

[@TestUser-cf4wj]

I love you Swaim, but it's not right that you got back together with your abuser. _You deserve to be happy, Swaim!_

[@coreyknapp1371]

Fuck yeah! Welcome back Seńor Swaim! Now let's get after hours up and running again!!❤🎉

[@JoeIPA]

Welcome back 👏👏👏 long live CRACKED!!

[@BurnTheThreshold]

It's so nice to see some of who made the old Cracked VC so memorable and enjoyable join forces with the new team who have crafted something to call their own. Can only hope too more old faces and more from Mr. Swaim as the channel continues to reclaim it's rightful place among YT's best.

[@t3h51d3w1nd3r]

Yes!! I’m delighted you’re back, I loved those aren’t muskets, does not compute and small beans. I can’t wait for more Star Trek, star gate and Star Wars references. I hope the new show goes well, I for one will be watching every episode.

[@npzabov]

Good to have you back :)

[@DavidWilliams-ht2cu]

I don’t care what future tech stuff you talk about Michael. I’m there!! You’re awesome and I’m stoked to see you’re back

[@scuttlefield]

So good! Funny and entertaining. Nice to have you back on Cracked.

[@allonzehe9135]

Good to have you back.

[@Wodferd]

There was actually an episode of Next Generation where Riker was taking a teleporter during an emergency situation, and the communication between the start point and end point got disrupted. This resulted in 2 Rikers existing at the same time, and neither of them being aware of this fact. They met up years later and had a shared existential crisis

[@darrenmacqueen9884]

Only noticed this today, but great to see you again. Hopefully you can bring this channel back to its glory days. I seriously miss classic Cracked.

[@thegingerrussian6307]

Oh my god. This makes my soul happy. I have been following everything you have been doing since Cracked, but it's still cool af to see you back!!!

[@dyscotopia]

As a naugties kid (well, younger adult) I am so glad Swaim has returned to grace us with the wisdom he acquired while wandering the wilderness as an ascetic monk for the last 20 years

[@modernrelic7092]

Swain returns! This...pleases me. 😊

[@SDC3]

I feel like Cracked should be aware I'm not watching for them. I'm watching for Swaim.

[@JQXJQ]

I’m watching this DESPITE Cracked! Cracked has gotten rid of every talented performer worth watching on their ‘service’ multiple times over the years. Cracked sucks!