How Codependency Starts & Ends

[@Elena-Studio]

I was recently told by my ex that my trauma is "too much" for other people. This really hurt because I then felt I had to keep my emotions inside and not truly let out my feelings or even set boundaries because I'm "too much".

[@tommathew2354]

Your videos always come at a creepily perfect time.

[@CandacevanDell]

Ha ha ha I am tapping into the Collective X

[@carlypastore]

So true!!! 🥰

[@ElFra9]

Im finding it all comes in perfect timing, all the more the more I believe that.

[@solomonorion6879]

Instablaster.

[@maricelalemus4089]

“You can trust what you feel” Wow! This video just validated everything My intuition has been telling me for so long. Thank you 🙏🏽

[@courtneyjohnson2680]

"All of us have the ability to own our truth and be exactly what we came her to be- but we cant be what we came here to be when we are trying to conform to be something that someone else things we should be" AMAZING!!!!

[@casawellsdesigns5790]

You are amazing! Telling only TRUTH!💯🙏💞

[@MrMsadley]

This is the daily struggle. How crazy🙏🏼✨the hard part is finding a way to stand In Your truth with constant resistance on what MY truth is..

[@CandacevanDell]

The question would be "why" do you have resistance to your own Truth? What are the beliefs you hold around it.

[@MrMsadley]

Candace van Dell it’s about having it understood or heard enough to be strong in it. Hence HSP and codependent

[@CandacevanDell]

Mike Sadley it is truly YOU who needs to hear it, love it, OWN it!!! Everyone else is just your reflection that up until now, you have agreed with because you didn’t know you could choose differently 🙏🏻✨

[@MrMsadley]

Candace van Dell very TRUE... I think that’s where the struggle begins. Thank you for your strong sense of self...✨Enough to strengthen others. 💪🏻

[@dseer13]

to stand in your truth is to honour your feelings first and then act in accordance with them to honour the external. (other people's feelings)

[@monikaburzova7767]

Thank you Candace. 💖 Few years back you have open my eyes to the abuse I have gone through in my childhood and I began owning myself in ways I've never done, building self trust and boundaries for the first time, letting toxic people go without guilt and learning to put my needs first. Truly life-changing stuff for me and I have since qualified as a transformation coach and began helping others heal. It's been a hell of a journey but so rewarding. Wishing you the most magical Christmas. Much love, Monika xx

[@lynette-sowingseedsoflove2424]

I’m glad my counselor told me to research codependency because I was able to run into your right on time video. Thanks so much I needed this!

[@LoverofSunflowernBees]

Lynette Farmer my counselor is like this too she tells me to look up videos too and I found Candace yesterday and I didn’t know she has ADHD or been told she does, I love her she is so smart and she is helping me now also...

[@ElectricMaryJane]

Your voice is so healing Candace. I’m so happy and relieved to have found your channel today. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@ivanichiva]

It is so difficult to function in a world ruled by people with no genuine feelings who like to impose their agenda on everyone else.

[@_Colie]

Right? It's like why can't we all be open? We gotta know the mind games just to keep ourselves safe and it's stressful.

[@CandacevanDell]

ivanichiva we are moving into the 5D reality! I’m releasing the video tomorrow. Hold tight, things are shifting :-)

[@madonnahooper7490]

You have such amazing wisdom, insight and a clear gift and ability to explain deep "stuff" we all wonder about but can't put into words.

[@CandacevanDell]

Madonna Hooper Thank you for your support. I appreciate you✨✨✨

[@hopelessidealist]

I’m an HSP and I’ve struggled to make decisions my entire life. My daughters are both HSP too so I expected them to have this same issue. To my surprise they both know exactly what they want and in fact it’s extremely difficult to get them to change their mind in any given situation. This was shocking to me until I realized that I always had my power taken away as a child and it crippled my confidence. Now that I’m a parent I strive to instill confidence in my kids every day. It’s amazing to see how using a different approach to parenting similar personality styles can have such wildly different outcomes.

[@drummerjeroensimons]

Society (it begins with school) should learn people to respect eachother no matter how they looks, religion, thought patterns, etc....We all have special talents and we all need eachother, period...

[@_Colie]

Would be nice! lol

[@purplemoose6431]

Very insightful. The light bulb flashed above my head. I think you’re onto something. Thank you.

[@przepiorra]

I’m so happy I found you. Not without a reason at that exact moment of my life. Sending hugs xx

[@bethelightofyourownhealing]

Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you. My entire journey has taught me to keep coming back to my essential truth...and to share it. Definitely a case of progress not perfection in my case😊🙏

[@cherylwilsherlimberlife7210]

Thank you, your work is incredible, happy to be doing the work & getting answers 💜🎶

[@juliepinc9172]

Thank you for putting this video out there for all of us! Its exactly what i needed to hear!

[@haleymakenna9293]

Codependency is an emotional safety net within certain relationships...sometimes you just need some time with yourself to really come to terms with how your mental state/emotional injuries have affected every aspect of your life and relationships/attachments to the people in your life. Might go back to rehab, might just follow my inner guidance & be real with how I feel so I can heal like Candance says.😅 the internal struggles are so real.

[@agentcovfefe6983]

Don’t worry about the light 😎 It all worked out well and it was interesting as always 😇 Thank you. 🙏

[@illougal_invader]

So now you found a beautiful partner. That's a good thing. I am happy for you. Because being lonely is very detrimental to your health. Choosing a partner and sticking with that choice is always about survival.

[@wontgetfooledagain8178]

Your videos are so helpful! Thank you so much! Best wishes and take good care.

[@juliavanrun-kilic1744]

You definitely got some light support there!!🤩. Thank you for your work. This sounded very familiar.

[@Healingfromtheroot]

Hugs Candace! I had taken a little break from YT but your videos always appear when I need them. I’ve been working on my family dynamics and learning about codependency for the last 5-10 years and I still find myself cowering around the original wound. I’ve decided to create space and not see some people in my family now. It hurts but it’s needed to find and create who I am without guilt. Hugs! It’s totally about not trusting myself on my own or growing up which were things I got in trouble for when younger. I’m so drawn to enmeshment now and I really want to just escape. Hugs thank you

[@MelungeonFairy]

Thank you sister 💙💞

[@davidx4008]

Your so on point, I just don’t trust myself I have the inability to make decisions. I feel I must ask and reassure myself externally by asking others. Its very damaging, thanks a lot toxic narcissistic parents!!

[@haleymakenna9293]

David X I can relate. it’s an unconscious pattern in behavior we have to try and break. Easier said than done but if we don’t, were only going to be crippled by codependency for the rest of our lives.

[@haleymakenna9293]

David X It’s all about getting rid of that safety net within the family dynamic and go off and live your life....one day I’ll be mentally stable enough to leave this family wound I’ve been trapped in for all these years.

[@davidx4008]

@@haleymakenna9293 Your right, wish you all the best so you can make it out!!

[@carlypastore]

Candace you should make a merch line.... I’d wear it! I could see this on the back of a hoodie: “I won’t conform to your system” 😉😎

[@bobhunley8794]

Hi and thank you. I was ostrisized from a group I loved for 20 years. I know these tools of being behind the thinker objectively. Practice. I like how you explain tribe. Cool vibe. Bob

[@LoverofSunflowernBees]

Candace van Dell I am going to spend years healing now it seems , I’ve left another comment to you below too. I’m 49.

[@parkercornwall333]

thank you so much, you are helping me heal more and more

[@bw2442]

Such a toxic world we grew up in, beam me up Scottie

[@breckenadam2076]

You’ve just helped me realize that I have no idea who the hell I am

[@beaustur]

Goddamn, Candace, f yeah. That was perfect and just what I needed. Ahh, yess. Thank you.

[@beaustur]

Especially near the end about seeing and expressing yourself differently. How you wouldn't be doing this work if you listened to the mainstream and didn't seek your truth. That slammed me. How unfortunate that would be for all of us who gain value from your opinions and truths. My narc mother has tried to kill that differing spark that I carry for so long. Finally woke up to her abuse and am trying to get away, but its been so hard to break away from the women who I unconsciously worshipped for so long. Here I am on YT looking for motivation to do the things I need to get out of her house and her realm of influence and here you show up with this beauty. Thank you so much. You're lovely.

[@tiffanywarren7912]

Thank you dear one

[@Maybe.later1]

Thank you, you're videos are so helpful

[@Ma84006]

Spot-on as usual Candace! Can you make more videos on Freezing reactions, please?

[@CandacevanDell]

Maha yes!!

[@Ma84006]

@@CandacevanDell AWESOMEEEE!

[@muffinspuffinsEE]

If it is your intuition you are talking about, one should always trust ones intuition! (Backed up with data if it isn't a relationship thing)

[@ninaduschek9267]

Thankyou🙏🏻 im so glad you talked about this! Much love 💕♥️

[@mrswb3630]

Love your work! Inspired x

[@willmooney6096]

For the last time! Even in spirit

[@lorraine8962]

Wow. Thank you for that. I needed to hear it.

[@annachapman7986]

Right, I think I get it now xxxxxx

[@momione11]

❤Thank you.

[@victorizannasmr9411]

My relationship with my mom is so codepedent and I know it's not healthy. She wants me to be a specific way and when I don't conform to the way she wants me to be she treats me like a bad person, talks shit about me, and uses passive agressive tactics to try and get me to change myself for her. I don't change myself but there are somethings about myself that I suppress to keep the peace, which is making me lose my 🤬 mind.

[@foreveramber3238]

My husband and son have ADHD and I have become codependent with them in coping with behaviors that are consistent with ADHD. I would love to create in my son a internal confidence but I have a hard time when I am drowning in codependency

[@CandacevanDell]

BabycakesBelovedBooks I like to address behaviors and symptoms when talking about a labels. So when you say they have behaviors consistent with ADHD I would be interested in knowing what those are for you. Your codependency is a totally separate issue and I can see how it is not possible to give someone a strong internal state of confidence when you don’t yet have your own! I would suggest healing your codependency first and being the example will do wonders for your son!

[@foreveramber3238]

@@CandacevanDell thank you for getting back to me and your insight. I am deciding to flesh out my own codependency issues first! I love your videos and I am thankful there is help out there!

[@willmooney6096]

Found a trick to combine healing energu

[@egosblue8]

Super..i am codependent...but i have problems with memory and forget everything i learned about it! I learned classes about this and i was volunteer in the prevention of alcohol abuse but still i forget every time the steps and is very hard to accept and forgive my self...without memory it is like starting everything allover again every time...

[@anu7982]

Yes , no confidence in memory ,no confidence in interviews , no confidence in driving . I am battling with these now .

[@courtneymccullough1264]

[@maritaz7577]

What about this: I unconsiously withdraw my energy once a loved one is in the room. Be it partner, children, friends. I can be aware that it happens but the dynamics are so automatic, something is so afraid inside that I can not stay totally present. It makes me very tired and causes me to be alone most of the time. And: most important: I cannot relate on that deep level where my Inner Self is present. I do not feel my self any more when near to a loved one. The times that this process does not happen is: when I am alone, give a healing or give (spiritual) workshops. Mind you I have been meditating, journaling, healing arts and therapeutic work on myself for over more then thirty years. Yet I do not have encountered a coach who can help me on this energetic level.

[@ALifeinMusic]

Hello Marita! You don't know me, but I'm wondering, if you have tried to go in contact with strangers to see how much you can stay yourself with those? And the other question is - do you have a thing you are doing (be it your job, voluntary work, a hobby or sth.) that fills you with purpose? I am working on that connection to my creative self at the moment and I realize, that seems to be the only thing, that connects me to myself enough, to make me a strong entity. It still is hard to maintain that strength/connection with my true self next to "loved ones", but I see it getting better and me getting better at it.

[@maritaz7577]

@@ALifeinMusic thanks for the reply. well I am an artist and art therapist and I give lots of workshop and courses and then I can stay connected to my true self. Also with most friends I still feel my self and even come across as an individual well steeped in her own self and truth. It is only in the togetherness with a nearby loved one (partner or child) that I lose my sense of self

[@traceylynn2746]

You are spot on in every video I watch! Amazing 💜

[@MrJCWD]

Thank you

[@ashishbairwa4466]

Sounds true! If we aren't attached to our inner self then there might be a possibility to even lose our naturalness. But don't you think sometimes it's pretty tough to choose or go with an unethical way of doing things.

[@Beckystryker]

thank you ❤️

[@ztcejer]

Where have you been all my life.

[@rodrigoherradura7259]

I self medicated with alcohol and drugs at fourteen... full bore for decades and in recovery for over a decade. A real jjourny but still finding my voice...

[@annapimentel4412]

After some time, and some bad relashionships, finding a person that is good for me and that make me feel good, i think that the traumas and projecting certain previous situations into this new healthy relatioship makes me have doubts about which internal voice to listen to. Cause for one side i think i know the other voice is sabotaging, but in other hand i fell like maybe this is not for me. So i think that more than trusting myself , i think i have issues with these so many voices pointing to so many directions that its difficult to understand which one is good for me.

[@femrock4116]

Omg omg omg!! That's exactly how I feel right now. Its driving me nutts! How did it turn out for you?

[@dmdm9232]

How exactly did you heal yourself? Thank you Candace.

[@muffinspuffinsEE]

Starts at 1:10

[@yasminem.9422]

So true ❤

[@Reylight555]

Please help me with that, I have a long story of codependency. I'm trying everything to help myself with this

[@charmyj90]

My...this is deep

[@TheMohammadSamaeili]

I struggle with this. I dont have anyone to talk to about it. pls introduce me to someone or some grp I can Talk to

[@You-are-THEONE]

I was taught not to follow what you feel because feelings change. You follow your commitment. This thinking isn't working for me anymore.

[@STAR-LIGHT.1111]

this is my weak point I read about unhealthy relationships and codependency. and especially dreams written down with the meanings. I grew to myself that I was not wrong and my ex is the abuser I still hoped with my programmed mind that he would go into therapy with me his reaction was disrespectful I could not do it anymore! no longer what did I think !? May I ask you something? My father was never at home but my mother was always at home she never talked to me and did not care for me I was in my own world with my dolls every day I was used to this until I got narcissistic boyfriends and was afraid to be alone I am very codependent I keep going until I am almost dead such big blinders. how can I feel so alone while I was used to it? I never followed my mother, I hoped the band would get better, but I did follow the narcissistic friends. they are all the same my feelings don't matter and my reality is distorted. Thank you for you're Nice video 💓

[@thomasmclaughlin3948]

Literally Crazy . . . BINGO . . . RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES.

[@juliepinc9172]

I have been on 40 mg of adderall for years and it has become a crutch for me. Im down to 10mg a day and the emotions started hitting and hitting hard. I am having to find my inner strength to learn how to cope with day to day problems and it hasn’t been easy. Does anyone have any tips for me?!

[@anzoosun]

Yes !!! Sooooo good

[@sulviagania5665]

Can you please make a video about how to forgive yourself...

[@topoftop6134]

So I just got in to using rocks and elements to enhance my life. Like shunungite and orginite there said to Protect and enhance your being , protection, etcon to this stuff. .is to cool. And I go around giving it to ppl I meet. But wouldn't that belittle my being, or self trust?

[@lauraannflynn7701]

Where are you located for counseling?

[@CandacevanDell]

Laura Ann Flynn All my coaching is done online via zoom or by phone. www.candacevandell.com/work-with-me/

[@notavailable708]

This does not talk about how to heal. Just says when it ends, watch at 7 min, she is just telling to buy her courses, do if you are hear got solution or tips. There are none in this video :) Just understanding

[@LoverofSunflowernBees]

What happened to you Candace has happened to me also I have Attention Deficit Disorder now they say and I also have been told I have had ADHD too by other doctors, I only seen one doctor and he wrote a letter when I was 20 and told me I have Attention Deficit Disorder.

[@adolfhitler4116]

Loved your video. At the best time for me. New year's Eve. Did what I wanted. Nothing. What I choose to do every new year's Eve. Had an invite, think it was a test. They, won't be happy a my choice, best for me. I don't fit in, and as I feel better a myself I am not trying to. They like me more and I hate them more. Funny. Yo helpful much. Saved millions.

[@questionseveryth1ng]

I feel ashamed that I have no desire whatsoever to have another relationship with a woman after dealing with a narcissistic sociopath female who ruined my life, and convinced the court to have my parental rights terminated after she gave birth to our only son. I have no trust in women, nor in myself- How could I have convinced myself I loved her in the first place? The signs were all there, but I feel like I somehow punished myself through her. I tried to be who I thought she wanted me to be, and everything blew apart, now that psychopath is raising my son.

[@tommathew2354]

Don't worry. When your son grows up he will learn who you truly are. I'm sorry to say she will feed your son lies about who you are. But her stories will backfire when he grows up. Trust me. My mom masqueraded as an angel. Still does. But after having an honest conversation with my dad at 24 I realised who was what. Just be a good father.

[@codismith1903]

I also was in a relationship with a narcissist. 3 kids.

[@amandal4419]

don't give up. the fight is yours

[@TheSunshinefee]

are you a real therapist?

[@E3Mizzle]

You know what's wrong with those relationship issues? Narc vs empath Your upbringing Karmic relationships It's chaos and it isn't organized until the aftermath haha

[@tasireN]

💙💙

[@muffinspuffinsEE]

Funny thing, I'm alone because I "though different"..

[@TomorrowisYesterday]

Nope. Wrong. The freezing doesn't happen because I fear this or that, it starts before I know it's happening.

[@angelbabygirl2693]

It is not good for a child or adult/ grown person to be forcefully, threaten, lied on and kidnapped, taken against their will to a mental place that they whoever so called a mental institution/ hospital/ behavoral place/ busniess by the suspects, abuses, liars, hard core bad real criminals that left the innocent child or adult there till the evil hearted, perpartrator, and imposter feel like letting you leave most innocent, smart, in their right mind children and adults probably died at places like that and other not good or not right words and actions was done too. IMMANUEL MEANS GOD WITH US. God loves us, cares about us, heals us, deliver us, and provide for us. The devil is a evil spirit and his children is evil too. The devil, our haters, and enemies only comes to lie, steal, kill, destroy, and divide. God is the only true living God and will always be in control, authority, and power. He will have the first and last word. God is the Judge of all the living and dead. Alpha and Omega. The begininning and the end. God is our God, Heavenly Father, Master, King, Friend, and Lord forever. Amen. I will be helping people not hurting them with lies and poison. P.s. Sincerely, The real Symone Angel BabyGirl Br... 💓🙏🏾🙌🏾💯💞🌈💞🔥💋👑

[@keyannalee2432]

She did not answer the question directly

[@PANTHERA369]

You are absoulutely Beaaaautiful .. wow

[@jivenji17]

Sorry but co depency concept is anti christian and selfishness. I guess jesus was a co dependent

[@valisaperson]

Man I wish my mom approved that drug for me ...

[@dseer13]

stop with the creative thoughts.