How DIRECT are the Dutch? [American Experiences Dutch Culture Shock!]

[@jiriz0r]

I have friends in Belgium and they had a great comment on Dutch directness. “The Dutch are too honest to be polite.” Conversely they agreed that the Belgians are too polite to be honest.

[@Harry_PP030]

That's a good thing to consider if you do business with the neighbours. If a Dutch client needs something delivered on a certain date they will tell that to the Belgian supplier. The Belgian will confirm that to be polite. Without being certain that is actually possible. This can be confusing for both.

[@moladiver6817]

It's quite simple. As a rule of thumb a yes in Belgium means maybe and a maybe tends to mean no.

[@abel6846]

... and the Belgians are too polite to be honest.

[@theothertonydutch]

@@abel6846 They literally said that in the same comment.

[@feedraaaaa]

Belgians aren't too polite to be honest, we're too polite to be direct. We're honest but we just go about it more respectfully to not hurt someone their feelings. Every direct comment she got in the netherlands, she would'be gotten them too here in Belgium but just phrased differently so she wouldn't feel shocked or hurt in the slightest

[@BobWitlox]

I think replying with just "Yes" to your question "Do you have mayo?" could just be dry Dutch humor. Some people like to give these dry factual answers to yes / no questions. Just as a tease.

[@chrislaarman7532]

That "Yes" reply to "Do you have mayo?" surely is a tease. Replying with wit could win you the other's friendship. (Reference to an earlier vlog here.)

[@quintoblanco8746]

Then again, Dutch people are bad with indirect questions and seldom ask them. A friend of mine (who is Dutch) will actually ask about whether a restaurant has a specific thing before deciding on whether or not she wants that thing.

[@chrislaarman7532]

@@quintoblanco8746 Well, I'm of the type that would check the presence of a safety net before deciding on walking the rope...

[@BobWitlox]

I'd say if you ask "do you have mayo" in a fries shop and they say "yes", they are messing with you or teasing. There are no fries shops in the Netherlands without mayo.

[@quintoblanco8746]

@@BobWitlox But sometimes Dutch people know that Americans don't know that.

[@boelebakker8659]

Foreigner ask a dutchman: do you know what time it is. Dutchman answers: yes.

[@IvoTichelaar]

And the railway station is that way.

[@bobosims1848]

Q: could you tell me what time it is? A: yes, I could. Q: would you? A: no problem. Q: what time is it, please? A: thank god, I thought you'd never ask. It's . Also: Q: may I ask you a question? A: why do you ask if you may? You already have!

[@3217491]

@@bobosims1848 yes, but that's also being a sarcastic smartass which people hate. ("hate" more of a friendly despise.

[@bobosims1848]

@@3217491 just don't take it too seriously. I was speaking in jest, and most people would get that.

[@noortjevanoo1837]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@dreamingnight13]

I think the thought behind the Dutch direct opinions is mostly: "If I give you my opinion you can always ignore it, but if I don't give it you can't consider it"

[@franciscusautismusmaximus5185]

Nice one

[@idzardjumpen]

Can confirm

[@computerjantje]

well put

[@Carrinthe]

I think that's a great way of saying how it is. Most of the time dutchies will not be offended when you don't act on their suggestions or opinions.

[@luka188]

Dutch people also just like voicing their opinions. When we have something in mind, rather than think it and keep it to ourselves, we just say it as if its second nature to say what you want to say, rather than be unnecessarily reserved about it. Just like I did with this comment lol.

[@bobknip]

The Internet/TV technician probably meant that no help was needed, so you were free to go do whatever you felt like doing.

[@mike140298]

Yeah, someone breathing in your neck while you're doing something you're experienced in, is just annoying.

[@rdevries3852]

Probably, yes. It's _very_ unlikely that someone you've hired to do a job (like installing your internet/television) would actually expect you to help them with their work. It's very likely, on the other hand, for them not to expect you to just stand around waiting though. You can just go about your own business, while they're taking care of theirs.

[@Rob2]

@@rdevries3852 I could understand that some help with unboxing or placing the TV would be welcome, usually those boxes have indications on them that the work should be done by two persons.

[@chrislaarman7532]

@@mike140298 I used to be a self-employed computer-troubleshooter, just up to the arrival of the Internet in Amsterdam. I remember being on the floor under a table in the corner while the family made themselves comfortable on chairs watching me.

[@xFD2x]

@@mike140298 Sometimes the client wants to aquire knowledge. What is he doing ?, and "What can i do so i can do it myself next time." Personally I hate to work under the hood of my car. Still, i talk to the mechanic and ask him about what i can do to prevent damage to the engine. And sometimes you have to check hired hands, like when they are painting your house.

[@Gladius-NL]

Haha we we're so open talking about money, I know exactly how much most of my colleges make. Hell one of them even just showed me the entire contract. But it's not just about being direct, it's also the realization that how much people earn is very valuable information, how else are you gonna know you're being treated fairly by your employer? Keeping your salary a secret is only beneficial to your employer.

[@VinceTaglia]

Thank god. I was thinking, what's the point about being open and honest about rent and mortgages but not salaries? That is the most important info to have out of the 3! Glad to know the Dutch continue to be consistent in their efficient thinking here.

[@gerritvalkering1068]

I even had an employer who hinted at it that he didn't want us discussing our contract details with one another as it had come out that one of the colleagues was earning more, for less work, than the others. Turned out he was a friend of one of the higher-ups. I think we were more shocked at the request not to talk about it than we were about the nepotism

[@MartinvanderEnde]

Talking about salaries is uncomfortable in Dutch, the only really off-limit money question is "how much did you pay for the present that you gave me?"

[@Anonymous-sb9rr]

The guy at the fries shop was probably perplexed about you asking if they had mayo. Of course they have mayo, they sell fries! What kind of rhetorical question is that?

[@JacobBax]

If you don't want mayo on your fries, there is no reason to ask if there is mayo in the building

[@digitalis-y9h]

@@JacobBax There's no reason to ask if there is mayo in the building at a fries store.. You make no sense.

[@JacobBax]

@@digitalis-y9h Oke, If you don't want mayo, why would you ask if there is mayo? Is Stella dutch?

[@digitalis-y9h]

@@JacobBax If you want mayo you tell the store employee you'd like to have mayo with your order, you don't ask if it's there. I don't understand how this way of thinking works "I want mayo so I'm going to ask if they have it (in a fries store!!)" And yes.

[@selvmortsydd]

The question was wrong, if you want mayo ask for mayo. Don't ask if they have it,because then the answer would be yes obviously...

[@PJHMX]

The Dutch can be very direct about asking something. They don't assume you will answer them if you feel uncomfortable with it but assume you will be assertive (in answering). For instance, if you don't want to answer the question about your income, just say "I just don't know exactly”, “enough/not enough” or “it's a secret *blink*” or "I feel uncomfy answering, can we change the topic ?" . Don't feel offended for others being so honest/direct. Just master how you respond !

[@autohmae]

This kinds of fits the category of: 'Nee heb je, Ja kun je krijgen" - "you already have No, just ask you might get Yes." So just ask what you want to know, they might tell you. No obligation from the person being asked to answer it.

[@komkwam]

@PJ If people ask me things that are (too) personal i just say that it is none of their business. I always keep it short and simple.

[@blindbrick]

I say (with a smile) "none of your business."

[@Croga]

@@komkwam Yup. The Dutch are direct, with all questions. A direct response of "None of your business" is just as acceptable to most of us. And IMHO it's a lot better than "I just don't know exactly" (a lie), "It's a secret *blink*" (another lie). I'd rather here an uncomfortable truth ("None of your business") than a beautiful lie ("I don't know exactly")

[@AreHan1991]

@@komkwam That could often be seen as rude and aggressive, but sometimes spot on

[@LAKD]

In the netherlands you just need to say "Patatje met", which just means "fries with" which already means french fries with mayo lol

[@adrie.w]

you just say 'één met' and he will understand and then he will ask you 'opeten?'

[@gijsbrans2338]

@@adrie.w and then you: "meenemen."

[@adrie.w]

@@gijsbrans2338 exactly!

[@yuqsdug]

Patatje is actually potato, tiny potato to be exact because patat is a normal sized potato (but it is dialect)

[@simondezeeuw2042]

Bijna goed, het is friet met, als je patat zegt denken mensen dat je uit het noorden komt en dat wil je absoluut niet.

[@Jelisawesome]

The last point is interesting. I am dutch but lived in the US for a year a couple of years ago. Whenever I talked to someone I was always left wondering whether the person was genuinely interested in getting to know me or whether they were just being polite. There have been times where I thought I made a connection with someone, made a friend but it turned out they were simply being nice. Felt like a real guessing game, haha.

[@lukedejager1246]

It is.

[@therealdonaldduck]

I was in The Netherlands for a few months and found their directness refreshing.

[@antoinettenovella1630]

As a first generation Australian of Dutch parents, Dutch parents are phenomenal, they are very present, loving, liberal and...brutal with the truth.

[@magical5181]

I love the Australian people, I feel like it isn’t that hard for an Aussie to move here? Australians are also very nice down to earth people

[@lindaraterink6451]

You could also answer "I am not comfortable with sharing what I pay for rent." You'll be equaly direct, and will be accepted. Commenting on weight is rude to Dutch too. Some people are oblivious.

[@DutchAmericano]

I like that idea! Thanks =)

[@DenUitvreter]

That's well spotted: There's always the assumption that the other can and will be direct, assertive, blunt or rude too. Feel free to voice your opinion about the question. Also if someone accidentally stumbles on something that happens to be painful to you can always say 'ander onderwerp' (different subject please). That doesn't mean 'what a rude question', it means 'I don't feel like talking about it because I happen to have something negative going on there'. Shit happens, we all are aware of that.

[@33lex55]

Newly arrived expats in general, are easy marks; they don't know the value of the local currency, and are more likely to pay too much for things like rent. Local people might just be checking if you weren't ripped off.

[@RustOnWheels]

Oh and a lot of (younger? / left leaning) Dutch people find it offensive / cringe worthy when people comment on your skin color. I know that ‘no vacation’ remark and I have seen it outed from people that are 50+. It’s not something people that I know would use anymore (and I don’t mean to say I’m better or feel more ‘woke’ than others - I’m not - but it’s really a thing that used to be normal until I guess 15 odd years ago). It’s the ‘dad joke’ territory since then.

[@RichardRenes]

@@33lex55 or whether they themselves are being ripped off ;)

[@lucyfrye5365]

One little tip. If you tell a Dutch person you are not used to being very direct, they will love you for it. Because that is also opening up and honest.

[@computerjantje]

well said :) If you would state: "You are rude" then you have to expect even more rudeness. That is because you judged it. If you say that the frankness hurted you, then you probably get an apology. The Dutch do not want to hurt you with being frank. It is just being honest. A cultural difference.

[@donaldtick8432]

True

[@twentyfivenhot]

so true!

[@Conn30Mtenor]

One of my former team leaders was Dutch. She was great- no bullshit, you knew where you stood with her 24/7. She was also the first manager I've ever had who ever asked me what I think. I love the Dutch directness, it's refreshing.

[@nvugteveen]

"Kost dat?!" is a very important dutch expression.

[@a_diamond]

"Wat kost dat?" (Translation: "What does that cost?")

[@computerjantje]

I like the sentence “The Dutch are too honest to be polite.” as that is how it sounds to me. I would feel like lying to a person if I would talk around the bush. I also would feel disrespected and lied to, if the other would not say it to my face. I don't mind if it hurts. I appreciate honest thoughts and opinions (also when I disagree) always very much. The more open and direct a person is, the more I tend to like him or her.

[@OfficialKoven]

And the more polite you are doing so.

[@feelinghypothermic]

The cultural aspect of it is really interesting, when a dutch person spent some amount of time in other countries. It'll feel like people are more rude when they're back home

[@computerjantje]

@@feelinghypothermic I disagree. I spend a lot of time abroad and I love being back home listening to opinionated people again.

[@kannon965]

as an american i prefer this too. i'm starting to wonder if people here think i'm rude haha

[@computerjantje]

@@kannon965 Well you could always emigrate to the Netherlands. It is also a lot safer here. safety index nr 21 instead of nr.128 USA but I realize it probebly differs a lot where you live in the USA. With global warming finally the weather here is also much better then before. :)

[@streglof]

Customer: "do you have mayo?" Store owner: "yup" Customer: "thanks I'll have ketchup then"

[@WhyIsEverythingTaken]

That's legit not an uncommon exchange in fast food places here

[@vuongtran9992]

Customer: "do you have mayo" Store owner: "yes" Customer thoughts: "okay, they do have mayo, but I'm not sure yet whether i want mayo or ketchup" Store owner thoughts: "maybe the customer doesn't know what he/she wants, so I'll just wait for the answer" Customer: "I'll get some ketchup" This is very basic in the netherlands. Because the customers act this way, store owners do not assume what the customer wants. The customer just wants to know if the option of mayo for example is available for their decision making process.

[@paivaaajonathan]

you can have mayo with other sauces or with something like onion, thats what the pause is for

[@Relaxicity]

@@vuongtran9992 Could you please remember the simple but flawless truth that every single place in the Netherlands that has fries also has mayo? And they are assuming you want it with your fries, but sometimes are polite enough to wait for your to ask.

[@vincenzodigrande2070]

Wow, first time I've heard really good examples of Dutch directness and a really good breakdown! Well done Ava! 🙏👌

[@DutchAmericano]

Thank you! =)

[@dustylong]

I didn't recognize this at all. Maybe it's because I live in the south or it's a generational thing, Idk. But I feel she just met a lot of rude people 😅 The only thing I can relate to, a bit, is #5. She's got a point there 🤗

[@wiendelt]

Thank you for making this videolog. I'm a typical Dutch person, from the North of Holland. My colleage shared your video and I must say, I learned a lot about myself from your perspective. thanks 🙏

[@ZephirumUpload]

It's quite common when people come into my house for the first time to ask what I pay for it. I don't think it's so much to gauge quality which I suspect an American would think it's about, it's more about comparison because they kind of want to know the lay of the land rent wise. If I live in a really nice place and I tell them my rent is lower than their slightly less nice place, they know they can probably go and complain to their landlord about it. Vice versa, if I live in a place less nice than them and my rent is higher than theirs it's usually followed up with "Yeah you should get into that, that's not cool" Discussing salaries is a little less common but I do think it's a good practice to do so because it's good to know whether or not your boss is cheating you out of money.

[@dennisalsmeijer3698]

I laugh so hard with some parts, but yeah all those things I do/ask was recognizable. I'm Dutch living abroad for about 20 years, my colleagues thank God are used to our style (I´m not the only dutchie there) even compared to our German colleagues we are direct. So when there is a meeting and after a while people are just repeating themselves it most of the times one of us (dutchies) who is stating that. like ; Yeah oke so none of us is stupid or dumb, we talked about it for the last half hour, found a solucion so why are you repeating yourself, I want to have lunch now please. The first time my Spanish,French and most German colleagues heard something like this it all off a sudden it was dead quiet in the meeting room. I said it with a smile but , oh my God they looked as if I asked who wants to have a neck shot or something. My Russian colleague however laught so hard he literally fell out of his chair. Since then our meetings are a lot shorter, we talk about the subject we are having the meeting about, come up with a solution and of to the next topic, or .........lunch on time.

[@GrouchierThanThou]

And that's how just one short moment of directness can save a bunch of people a lot of time in a lot of meetings.

[@tulp_graphics]

@@GrouchierThanThou Exactly! It can be quite the relief that someone has the balls to say what most people silently think.

[@theothertonydutch]

Funny, because my mom (yes, we're dutch), who was a teacher for 30 years (among other things) had a lot of meetings and dutch people apparently still have so many useless and pointless meetings that drag on because "everyone has to have their say" which is very dutch too. She also said that when someone had a good idea, they'd only be able to execute that idea it if someone else thought they had the idea themselves, so you actually had to be indirect and drop cues for them to put the idea together. It's not like the dutch don't know indirectness, I think. I also feel that it differs in the north, middle (mostly randstad) and south.

[@AlexHaan]

@@theothertonydutch Hello toxic work environment...

[@Finnec123]

That's just great! (From a Dane)

[@jeroenaarts85]

I laughed at your video. As a Dutch guy, lots of things seem normal to me. It's kind of eye-opener, but other way around :)

[@DutchAmericano]

Haha, thanks, I'm glad!

[@chrislaarman7532]

"An eye-opener, the other way around" reminds me of an old Dutch joke about officers. (We used to have quite some "ambtenarenmoppen".) ;-)

[@NoblesseObligeify]

Herkenbaar 😁

[@Bianca_Toeps]

This Dutchie: "But, what's so secret about how much rent you pay?" Never even realised that this could be a taboo. 😅

[@liannefee9638]

Rent no, but mortgage yes.

[@GrouchierThanThou]

@@liannefee9638 I'm Dutch and I've had other Dutch people tell me what their monthly mortgage or rent is a million times. And without even asking them about it. They just happily volunteer that information whenever the topic of conversation is housing. It's considered small talk, like talking about the weather. Often times people either gloat over how little they pay or complain about how much.

[@liannefee9638]

@@GrouchierThanThou i'm dutch too. Maybe in your social life it isn't. But it certainly isn't considered a small talk in the Netherlands

[@Karma46819]

@@liannefee9638 what are you talking about. This is absolutely small talk stuff. And indeed, even without asking it comes up in conversations

[@liannefee9638]

@@Karma46819 seriously? Never heart someone telling, houseprice yes, mortgage no. Certainly if your mortgage is over 500.000 euro's, no one wants to brag. So to bring it up yourself is soooo not done.

[@liennuh]

But.. What's wrong with those questions. Why should money be so secret. Asking these questions is normal and you learn from those questions. What are normal regular prices in an area, what is a normal mortgage, are you the only one with crippling student debt or not etc, so that you learn if you current situation is to expensive or not, or when you have to make a financial decision, the offer you get is reasonable

[@jd.c.2704]

I think that in many cultures, the amount of money you have is a very defining characteristic. People can often look down upon people who have less money and use that as a basis to think less of them or belittle them. So, all talk about a person's finances are taboo, and people are taught to never bring any of those subjects up. I think there's a fear that what some people might feel to be innocent and/or interesting questions could eventually lead to a person trying ascertain how much money a person earns or has, and to potentially use that information to judge them, perhaps harshly. As a non-Dutch person, my first (non-verbal) reaction to such questions would be to think, "Why is this any of your business?"

[@RichardRenes]

Also, in the US, there are no centrally negotiated wages... So people high up encourage their employees to keep quiet what they are making so they aren't beset by everyone who thinks they don't make enough. It's also why there is still a huge wage gap between men and women

[@MasticinaAkicta]

@@RichardRenes When a list of wages leaked out that journalists of certain websites made it was quite interesting. They complained about that some made more money.. but almost all of them made four times more then most. WHOOOOPS!

[@korenn9381]

@@jd.c.2704 even in dutch, you don't ask how much money someone has or earns - that's private and could put a person into an embarassing situation. But how much you pay for a specific type of property is valuable information if you want to know if you're paying too much yourself. Presumably if you couldn't afford your house you wouldn't live in it, so it's not going to give away information about your situation that people didn't already know. Among students, the question 'student debt' is the big looming weight no everyone's shoulders. So this comes up often.

[@martheunen]

@@jd.c.2704 I can sort of understand that, but it also saddens me. It feels so negative and feels to me like distrust and a barrier to open communication. After looking at both sides I think I'm lucky to be Dutch, because although our directness can be seen as rude, it facilitates transparant, efficient communication, which in turn helps to strengthen bonds more quickly, or from the other side, helps you to decide faster that the other person 'is not for you' so to speak. ps. just in case; not trying to be rude. Just my opinion. Love from the Netherlands!

[@PyrusFlameborn]

When we say that we like your previous haircut better we're basically saying "I think the previous haircut was better than your current one. Please consider this opinion and it might help you look the best you can in the future."

[@jankoevoet4042]

I agree. Besides, if they say your previous haircut looked better, it does not mean it's terrible, it just and only means they think the previous cut looked better, no hidden message there. Now, if they really think it looks bad you might hear something like "when do you go back to get it finished?". Or when you go from very long to very short: "Oh, you fell off the stairs?".

[@eev14]

We say it so directly but it's really the same as saying "I preferred your last haircut, this is nice but I think the other haircut suited you really well".

[@manuelavandenakker4342]

I am dutch And recognise A lot of the things You talked about And agree but not on this. The persoon saying that was being rude, not direct...

[@Erika1965]

I once complimented someone with her new haircut so enthusiastic that I thought it could have been perceived as rude, because basically I said it was soooo much better then her previous haircut....

[@seleenacrowe3617]

Yeah, that's rude. Just don't comment on it, easy.

[@olevandongen96]

My mom knew some members of the European parliament, who told her: "The Dutch are not afraid to give their opinion, even when their opinion has no bearing on the matter on hand". So there's that.

[@eev14]

I also think a lot of our communication comes from the undertone in your voice or the facial expressions you make, sometimes we say something very harsh that would be an insult but wink after it or laugh after. For a lot of people that just means you're teasing a friend, you wouldn't do it to your coworker but in a casual setting we tend to use a lot of sarcasm as well as make bold statements we don't actually agree with as a way to joke around with people. It's basically real life trolling.

[@kannon965]

thank you for this comment!

[@Akazury]

I find your comment regarding Salary interesting as it has never been an issue amongst my colleagues and friends, that might be because we're all in the same field of employment though. In my opinion, when pay/salary is discussed amongst colleagues your also discussing equal pay. If circumstances are the same for you and a colleague (started around the same time, same credentials and same tasks etc.) it can be interesting to bring up during a Performance review. Within my family it never was a taboo subject either, growing up I knew what my parents made (and how hard I needed to study if I wanted to make more than them) and particularly my Mom would show me how it was spend and how they did their budgeting. I'm not sure how common that is for other Dutchies, but it taught me at a early age how to handle money responsibly.

[@autohmae]

The salary can be discussed with colleagues, friends, family, but not with strangers in the Netherlands, she was talking to someone she just met at the time who asked about rent. Which is something you can discuss with strangers in the Netherlands. So we are more open, but still not completely open.

[@Suteruni]

Never knew how much my dad earned, he did know how much I made :D At a work situation some years ago, the women started to tell each other how much they earned and turned out we all had the same salary. We were shocked, our boss however thought he was being fair.....

[@Akazury]

@@autohmae idk after I've asked what kind of work somebody does, I usually follow up with whether it pays well/enough and that isn't really an issue. Tbf in that case I'm not asking for any specific number and more a general indication.

[@autohmae]

@@Akazury yeah, that's definitely still OK. However that does get into the personal space even more

[@Stadtionalist]

@@Suteruni You guys got the same salary as the women? No fair, what happened to the wage gap! :@

[@Holland4evahh]

I had a relationship with a American girl for years(she moved here for me) and after meeting my sister she hated her. My sister asked if she did any surgery to her noise because it looked so perfect(so it was actually a compliment) She also didnt like my friends. Too rude. Insulting jokes(not insulting her but eachother) and the girls talking about eachothers cellulite. My dad was weird because he told her when they met first time she better get away from me and find a decent guy now she still has the opportunity. After 1 year she loved my sister, dad and friends. She never really got used to all of the directness and jokes but i defently experienced the culture shock from up close. We broke up and she moved back to America, got married and shit and she misses my parents and hates her family in law(fake, not funny, just thinking about money) and she misses the Dutch culture. When she wears a new dress everybody loves it she told me last week wondering what people really think about it.😂

[@DutchAmericano]

Oh, wow. Thanks for sharing your story! I liked reading it.

[@digitalis-y9h]

We're not "Too honest to be polite". We're being polite through being honest with you by not wasting your time, not being inefficient and/or straight up lying to you. It's unfortunate that not lying to a foreigner is perceived as being rude.

[@OfficialKoven]

Yeah the only rude thing is the other people perceiving it as rude, because they read too much into your words, while you just simply made a "non-judgemental/neutral" remark/observation.

[@texasson7950]

I'm a Texan/American of Swedish descent. I've lived and traveled abroad, including living several years in Europe - S, D and GB. I have visited the NL a number of times. I like the NL and the Dutch people. Yes, I've experienced the directness of some of the Dutch people whom I have encountered. I like to be an open and honest person, but, depending on my relationship and how well I know a person, I don't always disclose information that I consider to my personal business. I have no problem declining to answer certain questions in a polite manner, of course.

[@collectioneur]

To a Dutchman you don't have to be polite to decline, it's one of two obvious outcomes...

[@texasson7950]

@@collectioneur No doubt that's true. As a native Texan, I was raised to be polite and respectful. When talking with/to other people, I strive to be polite and courteous in my manner of speech.

[@EliteBadFrog]

Yeah people should understand in NL you can also be direct about not wanting to talk about certain things, often if someone ask a question that is too personal or uncomfortable, you should just be direct and say “I would rather not talk about this” or “I would rather keep this private”. Dutch people don’t perceive these responses as rude and will move on to another topic.

[@jannetteberends8730]

A form of American small talk that I misinterpreted for a long time is the beginning of a conversation between host and guest on t.v. or internet. Host: “I’m so glad that you wanted to come in our program, we are honored ” Guest: “I’m so glad you asked me, I feel honored” First I thought that I was watching a special guest, that didn’t go public often. Who tried to be gentle to the poor host from his ivory tower position. Or when the guest was really enthusiastic, he was very glad finally to be able to expres his opinion in public. Until I found out that some of these guest did appear regularly. As a Dutch person I take expressions of feelings for real. Not as a forms of politeness. That’s why I’m always very happy when I’m around Americans. Even when my ratio knows it’s not real, the rest of my personality is not aware of it.

[@tom_peters]

Best vid so far!!!! Your message is so eloquently relayed. Love all your content ❤️

[@DutchAmericano]

Thank you!

[@cathrineferreira9876]

South African here; honestly the Dutch sound like awesome people to me because of this directness. But also, my culture has a lot of roots there which would explain why I find their directness so relatable. Good video.

[@riyadougla539]

Yes, I love the Dutch and South African directness.

[@StefanWindhorst]

Discussing money issues is not that straightforward here in NL. Talks about spending money and costs are quite normal in NL (to compare I guess.. we are ever so frugal) but talks about earnings and salary are a big no no, even amongst close friends.. and a tip: You can always say you are a bit uncomfortable with a certain question. That is already an honest thing to say and people will appreciate you for your directness!

[@Alpha-1-Omega]

As a Dutchie, true that!

[@liqvidering]

Really? As a dutchie, I discuss salary with my family and close friends openly.

[@LarsdeWeert]

But this is something that is changing. We don't have a lot of taboo. But salary is one and specially with young people it's changing. Personally I don't like taboos, so change is good :)

[@frison7388]

@@liqvidering Yes me too!

[@EmmyEmber8]

If you ask someone "Do you have mayo?" and then don't say you actually want it, they probably think you're still considering if you want mayo or not.

[@JacobBax]

Ik zou denken "ze wil mayo" op de friet. Want als je geen mayo wil, waarom vraag je dan of je mayo hebt. I would think "she wants mayo" on the fries. Because if you don't want mayo, why ask if you have mayo.

[@EmmyEmber8]

@@JacobBax I mean, maybe the person isn't sure yet? Just wants one more second to think it over? I've seen people do that.

[@Nightdare]

@@EmmyEmber8 If you need to think what sauce you're gonna get with your fries AFTER you get to the register,... leave and don't come back "Do you have mayo" is a redundant question in a Dutch snackbar, of course they do, so asking if they have it means you want it

[@EmmyEmber8]

@@Nightdare Don't say I disagree but I have seen people do it, and I personally don't mind considering it takes just 5 seconds tops

[@Sanquinity]

@@Nightdare I've worked at a dutch subway and I've had plenty of people ask if a sauce, including mayo, was available. Even though we always had all of the sauces available. Then they'd still go with another one in the end. Asking if we had a sauce basically meant "I want to know all of my options before making a decision" to me.

[@loukalicious]

Your videos are so helpful. I work with a lot of un-dutch people and you help out a great deal with the understanding of the cultural difference.

[@DutchAmericano]

Thank you! I liked reading that.

[@sharonswa]

@@DutchAmericano yes your videos are very helpful, because I would consider most of those questions to be polite. I don't know if I've ever been in a house without asking what a person pays for it. Lol.

[@Ssarevok]

Dutchman here: while my rent isn't a secret, I wouldn't ask a random person I met 30 minutes ago. Maybe he/she was curious because you live in another part of the country or somewhere that he/she would consider moving to and was geniunely curious? Weight joke: pretty sure that joke woulnd't have been made if there was anyway you could be percieved as fat. "tan" joke: for a lot of people here, getting a tan is a main point of going on vacation. Second, I've noticed that I percieve people that would be considered hispanic looking to Americans as just white. I didn't realize that untill a hispanic friend pointed out she had some issues at a border check; as which point I realized she wasn't "white" by US standards. Even having a bunch of American friends, the comment would not have stood out to me as weird, since over here, "having a tan" is pretty much by definition a good thing.

[@XilenceSR]

Asking about rent only if the topic comes up and the information is useful for the discussion.

[@Erika1965]

I can imagine the question, after she told where she lived, and it was a place in town where the other person would very much want to live but thinks she couldn't pay the rent.

[@jve89]

Hmmm, I won't make jokes about anyone's weight. I know this could be really insulting. Not sure if a lot of Dutch people would make these jokes tbh.

[@picobello99]

That's only the case when someone is overweight. Many Dutchies have no shame making jokes about skinny people. Or about someones height. I'm small and skinny. You have no idea how many people think it's ok to comment on my appearence, even complete strangers.

[@dnwitte]

Once, after being away for a while, I was visiting some friends in Amsterdam. I had lost some weight since the last time had seen them, and the first thing they said was "Hey Douglas, what happened to your big fat belly?"

[@RustOnWheels]

We always have been a racist country. We don’t discriminate on who we insult. We insult everybody. It’s not something to be proud of IMHO. www.liedjesland.com/Liedjes/kinderliedjes/EenNederlandseAmerikaan/EenNederlandseAmerikaan.htm

[@andrevdende8244]

@@RustOnWheels racist!!!!!!!!!!!

[@3217491]

@@RustOnWheels not really. We've had racist people, but every country has those. Stop projecting.

[@rubenb8653]

oh yeah conversations with a stranger in a bar be like "hey man" "hey nice music huh" "yeah! so whatya normally do for a living outside talking to strangers at a bar?" "computer science man" "oh pretty cool right!" "yeah, xept it sucks when i have to write long reports" "what about you man?" "ah dont have a job atm" "oh that sucks" "jup" this would definetly be a normal dutch conversation indeed :p groeten uit arnhem :D

[@AreHan1991]

@@nomoresunforever3695 Yes, same here in Norway. What's the problem?

[@rubenb8653]

@@AreHan1991 hm idk man ive literally just been chilling with people, some of them ive only met 2 times before. And now i know pretty much everything about their family situation, education, sex life including the awkward moments etc etc uhhh idk you tell me if im dutch x'D

[@eev14]

Hahaha, that is so accurate it hurts. So awkward.

[@selvmortsydd]

@@eev14 Really? I work with people for over 20 years and they don't know nothing about my private life...

[@RDJ2]

@@selvmortsydd They apparently don't care. Try being a bit friendlier.

[@mariatheresavonhabsburg]

5:47 I'm not sure if that was the case in the U.S but in the Netherlands and other parts of Europe, many decades back, getting a tan by going on vacation was a sign of being financially better of and it became a beauty standard.

[@Flup2]

Great video! As a Dutchman I can confirm it's perfectly normal to ask how much rent you pay, or mortgage, or student loans. I think it's because there's nothing to be ashamed of, everyone pays something, and it's great to discuss options and share tips to save money. Salaries are indeed more of a sensitive topic, as they're directly related to someone's financial success or position in a company. Category #2: Weight or racist jokes are pretty insensitive and frowned upon in most Dutch social circles. Yes, we do poke fun at the obesity of the average American, but that stems from the association with their fast food culture and the large portion sizes (which most of us consider to be extreme). Category #3: Either the man working there was either a complete moron or just trying to be funny (it wasn't), but most Dutch people would perfectly understand that 'do you have any mayo' means 'i'd like the mayo if you have it'. The internet guy: I'd consider that rude and unprofessional. He's the service guy doing a job, what were you supposed to do, hand him some tools?

[@nanoulandia]

Thanks for sharing, I always wondered what the famous Dutch directness was like on a day to day. And I have to say it does not bother me in the least bit. In fact, I have lived in the US for over 30 years (Belgian/Uruguayan) and find American indirectness (or political correctness or need to be encouraged) absolutely maddening. If your haircut is awful, people will still say "you look nice;" if you do something that is not good you will still get "kudos for the effort;" and even in your CV you need to embellish your accomplishments as much as you can so that you can compete with others that do the same. Everything needs to be sugar coated or up marketed in some way.... I am moving to the Netherlands soon and I think I will find Dutch directness a breath of fresh air.

[@lenardvandermaas6893]

I'm dutch and I must say that I was totally unaware that our directness can be perceived as rude. The examples you gave are indeed very normal things for the dutch. I'll need to pay more attention to it when I go travelling, as to not come of rude.

[@FreekVerkerk]

To be prepared for dutch directness you have to know up-front what kind of information you want to give away about yourself. The dutch people also don't answer all these questions. The dutch have strategies against direct questions. Just try to find them :) The best way to find out is to start asking direct questions yourself. Start asking WHY questions and you notice which subject the dutch also don't want to talk about.

[@RDJ2]

The best way to deal with it is being just as direct. Don't want to talk about something? Just say so.

[@mennis9736]

If you're uncomfortable with any direct questions you can literally just say you're uncomfortable. Directness isn't that you have to answer any question, directness is just stating what's on your mind or how you feel, so saying you're uncomfortable with answering that question is fine.

[@ricardosangallo5188]

Yep. Just reply: gaat je geen moer aan. That will convey the message...

[@Yum_Yum_Delicious_Cum]

@@ricardosangallo5188 yea or ''mooie vraag kanker op''

[@Sanquinity]

@@Yum_Yum_Delicious_Cum or you can keep it civil and just say "zeg ik liever niet"... But either way indicating that you don't want to tell something is also a part of directness.

[@kannon965]

I love to hear this. As an American we would almost be worried that saying it makes us uncomfortable would make you not like us or something. haha

[@1971antoon]

Great content you have in general on your channel. Me and my wife will move to the Netherlands soon too. I am Dutch myself but live in Switzerland for 11 years now. My wife is Kazakh and born in Turkmenistan, marrying me was already a culture shock for her with my dutch directness... I wonder what will happen once we've moved... Thank you for this really sweet and funny way of brining these topics!

[@richardbrinkerhoff]

Born in the USA, I've lived in the Netherlands for 46 years and have never thought of the Dutch as being unusually direct.

[@matthijsbouma3393]

You seem to have the knack of it yourself by now. You fit right in. Big thumbs up: go Ava! 👍

[@pieterstedehouder8441]

The cable guy just would like to have a cup of coffee, knowing you're american he asked it in the most indirect way possible ;)

[@Rubber_Ring]

I was thinking (being Dutch), maybe the cable guy meant that it was not necessary for you to stand by waiting for him to finish his job. He probably meant "Don't worry about me. Just continue doing whatever you were doing before. No need to stick around, wainting till I'm done." Ofcourse all in a very Dutch direct way.

[@jam6875]

@@Rubber_Ring This was probably it

[@bobosims1848]

@@Rubber_Ring That was what *I* was thinking as well. He might have wondered why we keep looking over his shoulder. He may wonder if he appears so untrustworthy that we feel we need to keep an eye on him! Are we afraid that he's not going to do his very stinking best? Are we expecting him to pry into business that has nothing to do with his work, if we leave him unsupervised? Are we afraid that he might take something that isn't his? He would not immediately assume that these are our concerns, but he *will* wonder. So he suggests that *we* do something as well; ANYTHING other than standing watch. He will let us know if there is something of concern. And he will inform us when he's done and ready to leave.

[@pettylabelle7944]

@@Rubber_Ring wow that’s so interesting! I’m from the US and I assumed he meant “why the hell are you not helping me?” And so I was offended on Ava’s behalf 😂

[@RustOnWheels]

As a Dutch guy I would also interpret it as ‘if you go about doing your thing I will do the same’, so: you don’t have to wait for me / stop what you were doing; I’ll let you know when I am finished. Actually I think in The Netherlands we find it a bit rude to watch over someone’s shoulder when they are working. Just go do something for yourself somewhere else. Or what you used to see on workshop floors (on a wall or poster): “Als je niks te doen hebt, doe het dan niet hier!” Roughly translated: “If you have nothing to do, do it somewhere else!”

[@wimvandenhombergh7250]

Hallo Eva, dank je voor je video's. Ik kijk vooral naar je video's om wat beter Engels te leren verstaan. Je spreek alles duidelijk uit! Ik vind je video's ook leuk en soms grappig. Regelmatig hoor ik dingen over NL die me nooit eerder zijn opgevallen. En het is prettig te horen dat je zo veel positieve dingen ziet in ons land waar doorgaans toch veel gemopperd wordt. Succes!

[@jtacx2611]

It’s called..... “keeping it real”....

[@erikmulder2574]

This video I really enjoyed. Directness is a Dutch habit and yes we are very direct. You can also respond very directly and reply with that is none of your business if you do think it is to private to reply. Being direct has some great plus points. There is no room for misunderstandings, we get right to the point. We also tend to move on after a direct comment, no hard feelings we just spoke about something where we did not agree and once said we continue, it cleared the air. Please continue to entertain and educate us with more of these movies.

[@ShelbyBlackburn]

As someone from the U.S. I find the the directness to sound like a breath of fresh air! Its exhausting to have to be so polite all the time, try and ask all the right questions & constantly worrying about offending people by simply asking about something as universal as cost of rent haha

[@charlesvanderhoog7056]

One of your best videos so far, if not the best. Thanks.

[@Burgmannn]

You're being very generous to us, because we really are a rude people. It's one thing to be open and direct (great), but it's another to have no tact, and that's definitely going with us. It took me a move to Belgium to realize that you don't have to be blunt with everything you say, but that you can also say it with a bit of subtlety.

[@rubenjanssen1672]

altho somtimes people wil not get it

[@edwardparkhurst9804]

Thanks for sharing this electrifying work of art with us that watch your channel. I've been to Amsterdam many times. Outstanding video young lady. Well done.

[@wilfredderksen]

About the Mayo I was getting myself confused. My first reaction was “ehhh, asking in a snackbar/fry shop whether they have mayo, is like asking the milkman if he has milk.” But then I thought if I would be in an English speaking country in a restaurant when and get yourself coffee and they don’t put sugar on the table by themselves, I would also ask “you have some sugar?” And then what are the odds they don’t have it? But in Dutch I would ask “can I have sugar?” (To which I could also add “what are the odds this person will deny you to have it?”) Btw, even within the Netherlands there are geographic levels of directness. In the west, in the bigger cities, directness is key. The further you get from that area, the directness decreases a bit. But still a lot more direct as in most other countries. I love how you deal with cultural differences! I have been working with a lot of cultures and also educated by my parents in being open to it. Due to that I have different times said to different persons “no, not strange! Different” About the “how are you?” I had my lesson in Ireland when asked by a colleague after the weekend. I just wanted to answer and the person was already walking further. I was quite confused, although soon more colleagues did so and I learned the standard answer for English/Irish being “not too bad”. :-)

[@buur8178]

This is so funny to hear from someone else. Love it!

[@warlord1981nl]

I've been watching your videos on us (the Dutch) and the Netherlands for a while now and it has given me stuff to think about. I think it all boils down to how much we value time which affects the way we converse, the calenders and agendas, the work-life balance, etc etc. This all causes us to take the most direct routes from a, to generalize, from less preferable world states to more preferable world states. This then of course seeped through in how we converse and act in general. Perhaps you'll find it interesting then that when Dutch people are cross/angry with you that we will become a lot less direct.

[@ronaldhuisman8833]

Hi Ava, what a great video's you made. Thumb up. I am 71 and traveled a lot, but never ever realized the tiny differences you describe so good between Americans and Dutch people. Great! I will direct your video's to my daughter, she is a stewardess. She speaks very good English but sure she will take advantage of your sharp remarks. Ronald Huisman

[@hartjeslips4061]

Ron Huisman...ooit van Ceteco?

[@chaoticgoodgh0st286]

In the South we're a bit less direct. Like, if I were you in the 'schatje patatje' situation I would have said 'Mayonaise, please' or 'I'll have some mayo with that, please'. Just adding the please to be polite bc I think in the southern provinces we are taught that being too direct isn't good and saying please & thank you is good in formal situations (not that the fry shop is formal but you don't usually know the person working there/the owner) Most of these are very accurate. I love hearing your perspective on this. 🙃😄💙

[@rubenb8653]

oh i do that too i live in arnhem

[@MrFrans]

We say 'alsjeblieft' in the north too, even in Amsterdam. You are still saying directly what you want in your example though. Its not a question meant to imply a decision, as in her example.

[@paultye7004]

Your intellect is addictive coupled with your cuteness and big brown eyes. To be direct what are your origins because you got the look. Keep posting love your work.

[@NoblesseObligeify]

The whole mayo conversation reminds me of the childrens joke about the bunny and the bakery owner. The bunny goes into the bakery and asks the baker if he has carrot cake. He doesn't have it, so the bunny leaves. Next day the bunny enters the bakery again and asks for the carrot cake, the baker replies: don't have it. Bunny leaves This repeats the next day again and the baker starts thinking: mmmm. This bunny seems to really want the carrot cake. So he finds a recipe, gets the ingredients, makes the carrot cake early in the morning and proudly puts it in the shop window. When the bunny enters the shop, the baker starts smiling, happy he finally got what his customer wants. The bunny asks again: do you have carrot cake? The baker happily replies: Yes! i do have it. Bunny: its super gross, isnt it? (And he walks off without buying the cake) Bottomline i was told at age 6 : never make or do something unless it is asked for (Unless you know someone very well and you know it is appreciated. But to be on the safe side: check in advance 😁)

[@RDJ2]

Vies he? Bij ons werd ie vaak verteld met hashcake. En dan zei het konijn: recherche.

[@idzardjumpen]

Hahahaha ik ging hier vroeger stuk om

[@iamTheSnark]

And the question was "Hebt u ook worteltjestaart?" Good luck with explaining what "ook" is doing there.

[@NoblesseObligeify]

@@iamTheSnark behalve slagroomtaart, appeltaart en mokkataart: heeft u óók worteltjestaart?

[@PH61a]

Your videos are SO entertaining. Love them.

[@raychh_]

My boyfriend of 7 month is Dutch and has made me cry on several occasions because of his directness. He didn’t mean to. I just think it’s kind of funny that I, a hyper sensitive American woman, am in love with a very direct and honest Dutchman.

[@theworldoftaz]

Sounds like he is not a good fit for you.

[@raychh_]

@@theworldoftazhe’s actually the most amazing guy I’ve ever met. But thanks for your unsolicited input.

[@unionmoon]

Now thats direct ;) you are learning....@@raychh_

[@Mr1drumlover]

Very informative channel, thanks so much!

[@GenJouh]

Those are definitely well-intentioned jokes. This really applies to the Dutch part you talked about previously, if you like/love someone you tease them. If they are comfortable making those jokes with you they like you. I myself would never make those jokes if I didn't like those persons.

[@michel_dutch]

Highly amusing video, laughed a lot. Thanks!

[@FerrySwart]

i love how you overthink stuff without judging it first. It's a great skill to have. And you're so right about so many things about the dutch and also not affraid to point out the bad things about the USA (which is rare among Americans who will call you an 'America hater' the minute you point out something not that great about the USA). America is a great country for many reasons but also a bad country for many reasons. Just like every country is. But the people in the USA are instantly insulted if you point something out. But you are even honest about these things too and kudo's for you:)

[@arthesian]

As a Dutch person, I really enjoy watching your 'reactions' to Dutch culture. It honestly makes me laugh (in a good way) how some of our quirky ways of doing things are perceived as rude by other people. I could relate to all the points you mentioned in this video :P When you started the point about directness/comments about appearance - before you started talking about the haircut - I already imagined myself making a comment about clothes :P It's very common to say stuff like: "I really liked the shirt you wore last time..." (or similar) - so that made me giggle. About money - yeah, the only thing we are uncomfortable talking about is our salary/income etc, but we love to talk about 'expenses' :P it's honestly kinda weird if you think about it... It's kind of like -- we don't like to 'brag' about how much we make, but we love to complain about how much we have to spend....hahaha

[@Grofvolkoren]

Being indirect is considered rude. Being direct is considered honest. But that doesn't mean the Dutch are always honest or direct. Many times we will soften our words. Also, by asking how much other pay for rent, for their mortgage or how much they earn, you learn from them but also learn how much you can spend and what you will have to let go in order to pay so much rent. Some like sex, if you do not talk open about it, you do not learn and make stupid mistakes. Learning about finances and sex makes your life better.

[@autohmae]

Yes, I think this is a very good point about indirectness. While I wouldn't call it rude, it can be considered annoying. As you said it can even be considered dishonest.

[@kaans695]

I don't need to learn about sex by talking about it?? That's awkward

[@Grofvolkoren]

@@kaans695 awkward? For your partner perhaps when you do not perform.

[@ammalyrical5646]

@@kaans695 maybe the sex itself, but sex ed is definitely something that's important. It also can give more realistic views on things without getting too personal. And our sex ed definitely isn't the standard across the world.

[@Panteni87]

@@kaans695 so how do you expand your sex-life, how do you know what is considered normal or abnormal? From strangers on the internet? XD

[@TimecraftGamingSjors]

Personally I think there is something special about the directness and honesty of the Dutch people. I discussed it with an american guy whilst travelling across Europe. In America it's common to greet people and be polite to everyone (or most people) you meet. This to me, eventually has no impact anymore. Everyone is polite, so who stands out to be more? Especially when it comes to questions like; 'How are you?'. in America it's a common phrase, with a common answer as; good, how about you? (english not the best here) In NL, not so much. As he saw it, the Dutch use that phrase to actually ask about you and your feelings, your day or whatever you can think of at that time. We don't say it to everyone, because we don't care the same for everyone. I don't really need to know about your day (i worked as a waiter) when you come to eat at a restaurant. But if I do, you can consider it genuine interest. It makes it relatively more special to be interested in those you care about, instead of all random people you see.

[@dnwitte]

I sometimes had a hard time living with that directness, and later on was told that my unwillingness to say things I felt were rude or intrusive or hurtful was taken as typical American evasiveness. "Americans will never tell you what they really think." For instance, the landlord of the first place I lived in A'dam was an amateur painter, and on my interview before moving in he showed me his work and asked me if I liked it. I hated it, but I certainly wasn't going to say so---he tried and tried--"But do you LIKE it??"-- and I deflected and deflected. I mean, I know how I feel if somebody tells me they hate my work. I wish I had had some more cultural training before I went over---I could have avoided some unfortunate miscommunications. On the other hand, I agree completely about having meaningful conversations with people you just met---I loathe small talk, and I've had some extremely interesting talks at social gatherings with people I just met and never saw again.

[@edwinweert2232]

Heyy Im a dutch guy, but not living anymore in the netherlands. Your view on the dutch are very true. Success with your channel!

[@Oldnose63]

Funny to hear we talk about money, but we definitely don’t talk about our income. And I have quite the opposite experience in the US where (almost bragging about) your income meant a lot in conversations. And then I felt confronted.

[@Sanquinity]

It's pretty normal among my friends and direct family. We talk about money purely or of curiosity. How much a job can earn you, if one or the other is getting shafted, a reason to complain if you are that one getting shafted (we love complaining about stuff :p), just generally how a friend/ family member is doing, etc. Heck my mom's standard reply to her "volunteering" to pay for something for me is "I make more than you, let me coddle my daughter a little and let you have some extra spare money, will you" :p

[@maltesetony9030]

I asked a Dutch bookstore manager in Amsterdam where I could buy an English-language newspaper. "Try London", he replied.

[@maddyvangangelt2245]

I am Dutch and I am autistic. I am VERY direct. Dutch people always call me direct and even get mad about it, and a lot of my friends just try to dance around things they want to say. So I just am really curious about how indirect the rest of the world is?

[@RDJ2]

Same here. I'm often considered a bit rude and too direct even for Dutch standards.

[@JackHY2K]

I can only speak for Canada and parts of the US (Virginia and California). People in these places are not too direct at all! I'm autistic too and oftentimes, it drives me nuts!

[@cfjooijevaar1]

Every time I'm looking at your videos, I have to smile! You are funny. I almost am happy to be Dutch, hearing you!

[@richardvanromunde4188]

Thinking about it, the internet guy was trying to be polite and felt a little uncomfortable you standing there. He was actually saying 'I've got this, you can do what ever you want to do.' Or: 'you don't have to stand there for me.' The last one is more direct and not uncommon.

[@alettejurgens2883]

Thanks for the gezellige blog about cultural differences. The awkward jokes I really do recognize. It is great you name this as a category of direct behavior. In family gatherings it happens that people hint on / make jokes about very uncomfortable things. 'Semi questionable jokes based on awkward truths' I love your description

[@rmfishy]

To be honest as a Dutch person, those jokes feel offensive to me too. But I was terminally online in my teens, maybe I picked up some American norms there.

[@09conrado]

Being opinionated is not one of our best character traits. That's something we definitely can improve upon and I think you're being really gracious about it

[@Hephaestios01]

Ironic

[@freshpressedify]

No it's a good thing

[@richardphilips8573]

Hi Dutch Americano, I'm Belgian (you know, the ones with the better national soccer team :-). May I say that you look really happy in the Netherlands? I visited the US about 30 times (both on business and on holiday). One of the things I notice with my American friends, is that they are afraid of each other. They are afraid to discuss politics, education, religion. Exactly the things worth discussing.

[@isaytheenay5961]

Me: Hello! May I have the largest cup of coffee you sell, please? Him: You must be american. Everything must be the biggest. Me: Sorry for that, but I have a 19 hour layover and need to stay awake. If you couldn't tell already, I'm Canadian. Yes, we even apologize to people for their rudeness.

[@Sanquinity]

My response to that would have been "Dayum... you must REALLY need to stay awake..." (I'm Dutch btw :p)

[@WhoIsRamsey]

This video was very entertaining. I love hearing your anekdotes. The best part of this video is the "jij kan ook wat doen" part. Doesn't sound very klantvriendelijk from the person.

[@DeanPickersgill]

Soooo funny!! And so true! I quickly lost my British Reserve when I arrived here - becoming 'Dutch' really does mean a total cultural switch. For the better, in my case ;-). Thanks for an enjoyable show xx

[@user-rx4jg8lq7h]

Haha, I totally feel for you guys. I went the other way around and now when I get back to the Netherlands I experience second-hand embarrassment when other Dutch people say something that would be considered extremely rude in the UK. I'm so happy to hear you do find some positivity in this difference! :) I'm enjoying very much learning "British Reserve" too :)

[@scross086]

It seems to me you have it pretty much figured out. Nice you visited our country.

[@NeoOnyx]

@Ava Here’s a direct question for you: What the heck are Americans talk about when they’re having a conversation? How do Americans get to know eachtother, or are they even interested in other people? (Not being rude, just curious) 😇

[@bruceadler9709]

Americans like talking about themselves in a social setting. How good or bad they're doing, how they got a great deal on something, or who they know (trying to impress). No matter where you take the conversation, they will bring it back around to them.

[@martheunen]

@@bruceadler9709 I assume that's for 'new' encounters right? Personally i have a hard time trying to connect with people who do that, cause it comes of as the other just bragging and not being interested. So to reiterate, Americans use that method to assess situations and other people in the beginning? And if so, does it stay like that? How would one know how to break that barrier and get more personal and really connect? ps. I'm a Dutchie and my questions are genuine. And yes I know there are nuances to all of this, but would appreciate your view on this.

[@bruceadler9709]

@@martheunen It's an individual thing, like meeting anyone. If you were to meet someone, regardless of their nationality and it doesn't click you would just "pass them by". Same with Americans. Since the '70's Americans have been dumbed down due to horrible food intake and prescription (as well as over the counter) medications. Most have a short fuse and are only in an encounter with someone else if there is a benefit for them. I say most, not all. So, it's a numbers game really....the more people you have a conversation with, the better your chances of finding someone you enjoy being/chatting with.

[@JasonAlan]

Thank god for these videos. It makes so much sense...all of it!

[@computerjantje]

yeah to me as well :)

[@TheSurfingAlien]

I have lived in Brazil for 7+ years, and I can tell you that Dutch directness is totally unacceptable there, even for little things. On the other hand, Brazilians make fun, in public, of other people's "shortcomings" (in their opinion and whatever it may be). I really had to get used to that, but after I managed to speak Portuguese better, I used the "The pot blames the kettle for being black" strategy. That worked :-)

[@Goingby20s]

I think here in Brazil making fun of someone's shortcoming in public would only occur if in gossip or if roasting someone. But yeah, the dutch directness is definately not very welcomed here. People tend to really work with nuances.

[@Nynke_K]

Listening to you talk about asking the questions that matter, I suddenly really miss parties!

[@boldvankaalen3896]

"jij kan ook wat doen" can mean different things dependent on how it is said. It can be said in an accusative tone and mean "you lazy person why are you not helping me, I always have to everything around here alone". It can also be said in a neutral tone and just be the lead up to a request to do something specific: "jij kan ook wat doen, namelijk de kabel even vasthouden" (you can also do something, namely holding the cable for me)

[@Wyninka]

it could also have been "jij kan ook wat gaan doen hoor" as in, 'you don't have to stand around, feel free to do your own stuff'

[@francesconoce3056]

You explained it very well Eva as usual . Like your videos . To be direct is trully a Dutch thing i think , but to me it's off course not weird . I'm a half Italian , half Dutch , but lived here for almost my entire life . And when i go to Italy i'm often confronted by my directness which i'm surprised about hihi . But we never ever think bad when we are direct . It's just the way we grew up. Peace .

[@patatmetkip]

That guy at Schatjepatatje was clearly messing with you, unfortunately.

[@computerjantje]

Yeah the way you say it, it clearly was a often used joke. Infact the dutch do say: "do you have mayonaise" when they want mayonaise and the receiving end will understand that as ordering mayonaise. But to say "Yes we have" and then do nothing is usually a joke. It goes even further: If you then say: "Can I have some" the guy would say "sure" and still do nothing waiting for you to say: "Well give it to me then". Then he will say: "He don't order me around". But by that time he will smile with it and give you the mayo. It is a sort of fun standard joke to take the sentence extreme literly. After your video I can understand this is very confusing when you are not Dutch.

[@patatmetkip]

@@computerjantje yes, Jantje is totally right. Except that i don't actually find it funny but rather a stupid joke that your weird uncle likes to make.

[@Alpha-1-Omega]

@@computerjantje Yeah I said something like that to a customer where I worked. I was kinda busy and a I customer asked, "Is the manager here?". I said yes and proceeded with my work. Lol.

[@adrie.w]

´t is ook wel een beetje raar om in een snackbar te vragen of ze misschien ook mayo hebben. Misschien dat 'ie daarom zo reageerde.

[@Nightdare]

@@computerjantje Don't exaggerate it more than it is If you ask at a snackbar if they have mayo, and they reply with yes, and you confirm you want it, they'll give it Any snackbar owner being more of a smartass than, that will probably see a smile from the rest of the customers at "yes" but their sense of humor goes out of the window pretty fast if they see him continue to be a dick

[@erikvoitus7488]

As a Dutch man I can tell you that some people are far more direct then others. And sometimes when a slight misunderstanding happens, both within outside a conversation. We can be extra direct because we fear the other one didn't understand.

[@Dirantasy]

As a Dutch person I had to laugh a lot. Yes we are extremely forward. Yet I personally hate the jokes about someones weight or (lack of) tan. I am from Rotterdam and we are in the Netherlands considered one of the most direct and some think even rude people there are. I personally love it, but think it is rude to make assumptions and crack jokes about someones appearance. It's a bit of a bad habbit of ours. When it comes to asking about finances or other things, there is a simple answer to why. We all do it! We all pay for it! So why is it taboo? Especially students find it interesting to know if someone is paying less then them. We are Dutch, we don't want to pay too much! As we like to say: Gratis is goed!

[@mossy1476]

As a born and raised here dutch person. This is really eyeopening. Most of these things I do without even thinking about it and Im bad at social cues lmao. But its very interesting that, even such small things can change a language and a country and its people so much. I also never really thought of this while talking with international friends etc

[@mattyldae]

I talk very openly about my salary, as well as my friends and family. no taboo here (in amsterdam)

[@Erika1965]

Thanks, I'm Dutch but I just learned some tips for better conversation at #5!