How Do Autistic Adults Communicate? - Neurotypical Vs Autistic Communication Styles

What are the differences between Neurotypical and Autistic communication?
This video is completely experiential, meaning these all things I've noticed throughout my life - within different groups. People DO differ from these generalisations! I've met many autistic people with what I describe as 'neurotypical-like communication'... and vice versa.
Please feel free to give your experiences down in the comment section, I look forward to hearing your analysis of these differences!
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[@ThomasHenley]

This video is completely experiential, meaning these all things I've noticed throughout my life - within different groups. People DO differ from these generalisations! I've met many autistic people with what I describe as 'neurotypical-like communication'... and vice versa. Please feel free to give your experiences down in the comment section, I look forward to hearing your analysis of these differences!

[@carolinecoward469]

This was brilliant! Especially the part about vulnerability and a higher prevalence of sexual abuse. More content like this please.

[@kellymolenaar530]

ASD here 🤗 Your generalisation aligns with mine, I grew up in New Zealand & Australia. Everything you said in the video I’ve written down at some point in my life, always been interested in observing social communication… but kinda makes it harder to participate because I’m hyper aware of the differences in communication style 😅

[@artisticautistic9664]

Sitting silently with someone is it's own form of socializing

[@kellymolenaar530]

The best! Especially when you’re both deep into a project or topic of research and every hour or so get to info dump, discuss and analyse together.

[@turtleanton6539]

Yeeees😊 the best

[@androgynylunacy]

Yea but not when you sit there and the person is like "why are you so quiet?" And then you don't know how to respond and they make you uncomfortable by the way they're asking and then it is calling you out if it is in front of others. Why can't people accept that some people are quiet and not make us feel like crap about it or make us feel like we are weirdos?

[@angelcandelaria6728]

@andro they don’t like their own thoughts 💭

[@riverdonoghue9992]

I think one of the big differences is NTs talk alot in code etc whereas we're more direct and honest and we're not afraid to express an honest opinion even if it goes against group think which of course can make us unpopular.

[@raven4090]

I agree from my observations in life.

[@krokovay.marcell]

I‘m not autistic per diagnosis, but I’m not neurotipical either:) Someone said to me the other day, that throwing knowledge on people can be hurtful, too. I was perplexed, because I don’t mind it at all, instead, I hate when others throw their emotions at me:)

[@Mondomeyer]

​@@krokovay.marcell To NTs, reality is whatever they feel to be true. When they throw their emotions at you, they genuinely think they're relating facts

[@nicbarth3838]

@@Mondomeyer haven't considered this before

[@Mondomeyer]

I've lived with them for a long time. Had plenty of time to observe. ​@@nicbarth3838

[@zikusuperfroggy]

Came in after diagnosed with ADHD and suspect having autism as well. Most things you talked about just ring truth in my ears. It's such paradox to possess the power of empathy but not able to disect people's intention. It's almost like we are born to be the angels with pure positivity and trust only to be hit hard by the world.

[@turtleanton6539]

Hard relate

[@Sleepy1984]

My self and my daughter are autistic and obviously struggle with social communication. My daughter is 13 years old and I do worry about her as she is very vulnerable, she will also change the subject to kittens if people was talking about something deep. I'm so worried for her. She just wants to be friends with everyone. I just want to protect her.

[@ThomasHenley]

Hi Michelle, I can fully empathise with your worries. I think teenage hood is very difficult for autistic people. The best way to solve this would be to take to her clubs which fit her interests. School is very anxiety provoking and scary a lot of the time, so working on those social skills elsewhere and learning new ones in the process is very fruitful. For me, that was Taekwondo, and it was perhaps the sole source of catharsis, self improvement and socialising I had. I hope this helps 🤍

[@theharmonyofknowledge1286]

I can understand your worry. I'm autistic myself, and my grandma and I know that I'm pretty vulnerable. Idk if it would be helpful to you and your daughter, but a website called The Great Courses has a course you can buy, either on DVD or Instant Video, An Introduction of Formal Logic. I only just finished Disc 1 yesterday, but everything I'm learning is gonna be really helpful in keeping me from being taken advantage of, IMHO. If you decide to buy it, I suggest waiting for it to go on sale. ☺️

[@turtleanton6539]

Yes dont worry to muxh abpuy making friends worry more abpuy them hav8ng correct friends and not being taking advantage😊😊😊😮

[@cjaria444]

I see alot of people in the neurodivergent community talking as if austistic people naturally some kind of "better way" of communicating that neurotypicals haven't figured out, branding it as some kind of sacred safe space that neurotypicals are too scared to enter with honesty and directness that would send the "normies" running. I don't think that the initial lightheartedness of a more neurotypical conversation implies any less emotional depth or any less of a true friendship, it's just that those feelings are more implied rather than said out loud. In the same way, I don't think the perceived honesty and matter of fact speaking in an autistic conversation necessarily creates real bonding and closeness. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of ND friends who I have bonded with instantly, and the friendships I have with NT people have probably taken a little longer to be formed. But I have met plenty of autistic people with whom I instantly felt I could be vulnerable and open, and have talked very deeply with, only for that person to actually be quite shallow and self centred. Likewise, I have met plenty of NT people with whom there wasn't much depth to the conversation initially, and I even thought initially that they didn't really want to speak to me just because we weren't immediately having deep chats or because they were a little more reserved, but when I see them again they're happy to see me and I'm happy to see them. I feel like alot of people in the ND community have developed an "us against them" mentality which pits the autistic against the non-autistic in some kind of unspoken (ironic right?!) war. Put it this way, if a neurotypical friend group has a friend who's going through something difficult, they're not just going to oust them or refuse to talk to them about it. If they do it's probably less down to them being neurotypical and more of them just being a bit of a dick. They're going to be there to support their friend, and if anything that conversation and advice might even be better because a stronger foundation has been built over a longer amount of time that allows room for more raw honesty and rational, grounded, objective advice. Once again, as someone with autism and ADHD I absolutely love neurodivergent conversation and do find it easier and more comfortable to delve into. Alot of my best friends are neurodivergent and that checks out, but I also have alot of amazing neurotypical friends. It's just that the connection has taken me a bit longer to figure out because it's implied rather than said out loud. The person making this video said themselves that they are mainly friends with neurotypical people. I'm not trying to say that one is better than the other because it's not and that's the point. There is no one way to form close and trusting bonds. That just comes down to how kind and trustworthy a person is. I feel that neurodivergent people claiming they're inherently better than neurotypicals (not all ND people do this!! But I have noticed it quite a bit, I'm even seeing it just in the comments of this video) is actually quite, shallow, righteous and self centred which funnily enough is exactly what they are "accusing" neurotypical people off with a communication style that is simply different but says just as much, if not more. And I could name countless ND group convos I've been in where every person's intention has simply been to get on top and assert dominance within the conversation. Depth meaning, love and safety is created through kindness. Again, I'm saying this as someone who predominantly has ND friends but hell I've met alot of ND people who wouldn't be afraid to go deep in a first conversation. Maybe the problem for these people in the ND community is simply that other NT people might not have suffered and hurt in the same way you have, and haven't had to struggle as hard just to not be lonely. Being autistic is hard. Having ADHD is hard. These things present alot of very real challenges every day and it's easy to feel frustration and that it's unfair how others haven't had to have been put through the same shit you have. And I know it's hard bc i've been there myself. And you know what it's also hard when every conversation seems be to be understood so easily by others but you're left trying to put the pieces together. What I'm saying is that struggle breeds many things and contempt is one of them the sufferers are now taking it out on those who didn't suffer. But people need to get out of this "us vs them" mentality bc true bonding is not about what conditions people do or don't have, it's about who you are on the inside. This mentality will only breed disconnect, which if I understand correctly is exactly what is at the heart of problem that ND people think exists in NT conversation. Cats and dogs might come from different worlds, but they often become the best of friends! 😊🎉

[@cjaria444]

One other thing to add: I'm annoyed at the amount of people I'm seeing claiming that neurotypicals only ever make small talk and never take anything seriously. They can talk about just as in depth and complex topics as anyone else, if you spent some more time with them you'd notice this too :))

[@cjaria444]

Oh I did also want to add really great video!! 😅😅 Very informative and a lot of good points made :)) my comment is addressed at other people not at u ahaha

[@orbismworldbuilding8428]

Yeah im tired of the hating on neurotypicals, they're just another neurotype and even though they have a lot less struggle and thats something im jealous about but they are just another neurotype and as much as i or anyone else loves eye-for-an-eye vengeful tit-for-tat morality etc, but if we were to switch places then we should not repeat the mistakes of ableist or able-priveliged people and thing is, if we're already an "other" to any extent for neurotypicals, then we shouldn't worsen that though we also don't really owe them anything

[@nonamelegend_vapor]

@@cjaria444 THIS. I'm so glad I'm not the only one picking up on this

[@cjaria444]

@orbismworldbuilding8428 absolutely agree we should not repeat the same mistakes of a vs mentality and separationism that caused our suffering. It's not about oweing anyone anything though, it's about breeding a more loving, compassionate and open mentality. The NTs have got many many struggled too, just maybe some of them are different to ours :)

[@R.A870]

I also think for people with asd or atleast for me, its always a problem to be solved(i can't stop it). Narrow down area of contention, bring relevant detail or identify missing information and make sure everyone has the same information and weight to the information.... lol a court proceeding

[@jermainedonaldson6871]

I think there should be a social networking site/app and dating site/app that’s specifically for Neurodiverse people with Autism, Aspergers, OCD and so on. That way everyone would feel loved and accepted. 🧠❤️

[@ThomasHenley]

Hiki dating is a great one! 😁

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

I'm married but I would like social networking. I like talking to ppl online :)

[@charimonfanboy]

I don't think it's a "we can't get a conversation started" thing so much as a "small talk is dumb" thing. Aspie groups just need a focus, I went to a few study groups at uni, bounced around between them for a week or so because NTs prefer to goof off for a while before getting down to stuff, until I found a group that had no time for small talk. Just straight in to the meat of what we needed to do, no messing. And clubs/societies were great, I went to my uni's pagan society (because viking culture and beliefs was one of my obsessions at the time) and we were a mix of NTs and aspies and it all worked great because any small talk was limited to a formulaic list of questions to ask and answer and the rest of the communication were great in depth discussions about whatever the meeting was about.

[@ThomasHenley]

Definitely, although I’ve met many autistic people where conversation is very difficult to get started... even with a conversational focus, not as many NT’s are like that. I’m glad you did manage to find that, I’m always anxiously awaiting that shift in the focus of most groups, small talk is tiresome sometimes! I think that’s the beauty of topic-confined groups, everyone is going there to chat about the same thing. In an open setting it’s very much different though, most autistic people I know seem to blend in to the background and struggle to get into the flow of conversation.

[@charimonfanboy]

@@ThomasHenley That is true, open conversations usually see me nodding and smiling until asked something directly

[@ruthbarratt-peacock8688]

Yes!

[@eldiariodemell5315]

That's so accurate, i can enjoy my space share with someone even if we don't talk nothing or be too much talkative with my interest restrictive

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

My favorite thing to do is watch wrestling or something wrestling related with my husband or someone I care abt. The best feeling is when they even ask abt a wrestler and I can give them facts ❤

[@riverdonoghue9992]

I hate small talk and people talking for the sake of talking. I live in rural Ireland and people are always talking about the weather. Does my head in. I lived in London for 10 years and really miss it. I also much prefer city life to rural living.

[@steveneardley7541]

Recently I was hanging out with some neurotypical people I know, though not well, and the topics of conversation were not only limited, but sort of mindless--food, cars, sports. I wanted to talk about chemistry, astrology, philosophy, A1, reincarnation, ancient history. I'm not stupid enough to have tried to introduce these subjects, but I ended up feeling like I was expected to consistently dumb myself down for the harmony of the group. And even though emotionally I was getting something out of this interaction, I felt it was a very bad bargain. It was like living with my parents again, where I had to guard every word I said. And as Thomas said, any negativity or criticism was met with "brain police" retaliation. It felt like bullying. It WAS bullying. I have neurotypical friends, but I am always relating to them one on one, rather than in a group. That seems to work best.

[@nicbarth3838]

you could try a altruistic approach, or if it is draining just don'y and go in with no expectations and down the line these subjects may come up from time to time and if this does not work then you could try finding some others who share these interests and you can use these folks as practice for connecting with others in broader contexts.

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

I can relate to feeling like having to dumb oneself down! In fact I find myself constantly trying to make my words so absolutely crystal clear and as low brow as possible that it gives me a headache. I know this is part of my masking and I need to stop making such efforts.

[@NickSBailey]

it really is a spectrum because my experience of neurodivergant groups has had lots of humour, there will be serious in depth subjects and little small talk but we swap in and out of humour constantly, and my straightforward honest way of speaking does lead me to sometimes say I don't really have anything to say about that which takes neurotypical people off guard I've noticed but adhd/autists just get it

[@timmcdraw7568]

god I love this so much. thank you so much for making this video. speaks right to my experience and think I'll always need to hear this reminder

[@StarberryPlacemats]

This was so interesting, it's set some cogs turning for sure!

[@delilahhart4398]

NT conversation topics are normally what's called "water cooler talk."

[@turtleanton6539]

Yes😊

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

Weather Sports Food ??? Not sure what else. Since I do like sports I can do the sports talk but when they start changing subjects MID VERBAL PARAGRAPH it's like DO YOU EVEN CARE?! That gets me so frazzled.

[@danyelPitmon]

Guess I’m kind of in the middle I kind of share more in a conversation than I probably should

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

I like to make the humourous observation abt small talk that NTs will tenderly stare deeply into each others soul .... and talk abt the weather. 😂

[@kellymolenaar530]

Wonderful video, thank you 😊

[@delilahhart4398]

I find neurotypical conversations to often be superficial and unfulfilling.

[@garyfrancis5015]

What do you think about the Piers Morgan Megan Merkle row? That sort of topic opener of currrent debate. Which works perfectly for a NT conversation.

[@garyfrancis5015]

Yes philosphy in conversation. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life time? What happens when we die? Where did the universe come from? Is there a god? Is life a illusion/ Who are we? Is time just a altered perception of reality? I have put those philosphy topic in their. What happens when we die? Nothing sadly I believe. When your died your died, I belive. SO getting those topic in small conversation with NT is difficult.

[@turtleanton6539]

😊

[@mariesprowl2348]

Your so handsome, charming and well spoken. The topic of this video was so interesting. I have a question regarding the difference in communication styles between the two types when it comes to answering questions. What would be a difference if any ? For example does an autist asks a question do the prefer shorter, direct fact based, bottom line answers VS a lot of nuance, colorful details in a drawn out explanation ? I’m wondering because I know two people who aren’t diagnosed but have ASD traits and when they ask questions the sound like a prosecutor wanting direct answers. In fact the seem to prefer to guide me to short responses rather than let me go on to answer in my own way. Now, I do tend to wander in details but it feels so restrictive when the demand I answer in a style they prefer. Maybe this is just a personality trait not specific to ASD at all. Just wondering what your thoughts are. Thx.

[@charimonfanboy]

For me as an aspie, I would say that it depends on the context, if it's a request for information, then I would prefer a direct answer rather than a long winding answer that I have to filter through for the information I need while politely nodding and smiling. But if it's an attempt to be social, then the long-winded response is appreciated.

[@ThomasHenley]

Thanks Marie, I’m glad you enjoyed the video 😁 Hmmm... honestly I think it depends on the persons personality. I think autistic people will likely be more blunt when the topic doesn’t interest them, and more likely to use facts. However, many auties also like to explore topics in a longer form when the topic interests them. I think NT’s have a higher proclivity to not get into long and analytical discussions in general For example, I love exploring the nuisances of interesting things in science and psychology. When someone talks about recent news I’m very blunt and fact-driven cause it’s not something I’m interested in but may know some supporting facts. I think a lot of that is based on mood and personality, the more reserved or uninterested people tend to reply bluntly. But if you find an interesting topic to auties, they are more likely to draw it out and analyse it heavily! I hope this helps 😊😊

[@danyelPitmon]

@@ThomasHenley I tend to have to agree with you on this I am similar to appoint

[@complexsonicz9239]

Social communication is hard for me, Like I have a hard time understanding figures of speech because it's like if you don't mean the physical form then why do you say it? Like I just saw this one figure of speech the other day it's like no room to swing a cat and I'm like: The swings not big enough? What does it mean lol! I find myself not being able to read facial expressions and with these masks on too It makes it extremely hard. I have trouble making eye contact, and when I do, I make way too much eye contact. I've been diagnosed with Asperger's and a significant sensory processing disorder Which impairs my social interactions in my ability to go out in public places and especially school. We're going back full time in person with about 20 kids In a classroom starting on April 5th, Like man I don't know if I can deal with that lol. I screamed in a public setting today. but yeah I just wanted to say that I feel so safe on your channel like I feel like you understand and I'm sure you do because you've been through it. So yeah thanks for your videos, I'll probably binge watch them all tonight because I'm recovering sensory wise. Thank you!

[@Maxshik123]

You play so much;) is it true or it’s just your behavior manner?)

[@ThomasHenley]

There’s always room for a bit humour! Depends on my mood really, but most of the time these videos are me 😂

[@Maxshik123]

@@ThomasHenley Nice:) really helpful content for my Asperger mind. I joined you on Instagram.

[@anjachan]

Don't know yet if Im autistic ... At least Im close to that ^^

[@ahmadag1820]

i have ASD 1-1 is ok big group is scary

[@Mondomeyer]

Neurotypical communication: Be sure to say only the opposite or something completely unrelated to whatever it is you actually mean. Get annoyed when the other person doesn't know what you're talking about.

[@ethankrown]

Such a curse to have