HOW DO I GET MY AVOIDANT PARTNER BACK?

[@krisw2791]

They „kind of“ come back…it will be okay for some time and when you get too close again they will pull away again. You will never get what you need, they are kind of right when they say „I can’t give you what you need.“

[@ld921]

They pick a fight to create space,

[@marioct130]

Unless he changes, I don't want him back.

[@annnee6818]

They never change...

[@almightybeanchild]

He won't change. Men don't change

[@disorder_go]

@@almightybeanchildAvoidant attachment has nothing to do with gender.

[@almightybeanchild]

@@disorder_go I'd say a vast majority would be men due to overbearing and hysterical mother's

[@disorder_go]

@@almightybeanchild I’d go as far as to it’s mostly women due to absent fathers.

[@cherylthompson2731]

Yes. They come back. Then leave again, then come back.

[@CorbinB-Rax]

Lol

[@CorbinB-Rax]

Then leave again. Then come back

[@izzyunicorn9813]

They come back multiple times but are not the same

[@_--Reaper--_]

What do you mean they're not the same?

[@jdimon8717]

@@_--Reaper--_ I don't want to speak for Reaper, but I believe they might mean that (and this is typical) the next time or times they return, they return with a different personality or level of vulnerability. For example, one time they may return and be nonchalant, as if nothing happened, just to see what you are up to-- and a different time they return, they may act very open, talk about their emotions, and express to you their feeling or apologize. They may even be more available and open to having more than a physical relationship. So, it depends on the state of experiences the Avoidant is going through at the stage in their life when they come back to you.

[@wizardofaus2985]

​@@_--Reaper--_they are never as vulnerable as the love-bomb stage.

[@brennam954]

pet cemetary lol

[@_--Reaper--_]

*Q:* How do I get my avoidant partner back? *A:* You don't.

[@MzNoir_Rain444]

“Their best is shutting down on you and making you feel about as miserable as possible and anxious as hell” No truer words have been said about Fearful Avoidants.

[@FinallyFulfilled]

Why would anyone want them back? The hot & cold. The push/pull. The disappearance acts. Instead of being worried about “them” coming back-get into therapy yourself. A healthy person wouldn’t want these people. Cut mine quickly after 4.5 months. Bye bye! ✌️

[@ekstarr]

I could be wrong but most avoidants don’t experience oxytocin or serotonin. Just dopamine and cortisol.

[@salvomig2368]

The true person you see is the one who left you. We don’t want to admit we’ve been duped, so we convince ourselves the true person had to be the one we knew in the beginning. So we create a story that we want the original person, cuz there’s no way we would fall for someone who discards us. Heal yourself and understand, you’re chasing a toxic relationship.

[@Cindy-g5y]

This is so sad! The last text I received from him was on March 26. I called him on 2 days ago and it rang, then went to voicemail. Even though I knew the end was coming, sooner or later, I’m devastated. The grief I feel is terrible. I do get a bit of comfort from these videos and know that even if he does reach out, nothing will have changed 😭 😭😭😭

[@marguskiis7711]

Men always come back BUT when you are happy with another man

[@1984musicman]

This is so healing. You truly understand the dynamic. I'm broken after being pushed away and dumped twice by a guy who I truly believe loved me.

[@silassok4421]

Same

[@annnee6818]

Maybe he did and that's why he ran. It still hurts. I just had this happen, very early in the dating process but it still did a little damage. But at least I didn't cry...

[@marguskiis7711]

Men always come back but if you are happy with another one.

[@mint_soup9743]

The way you relate to the listener, the way you resonate and it truly feels like you've been through it before- really makes me feel like I found the right resource here! Thank you! I'm new to the concept of attachment theory but I'm quickly believing its much more than theory...

[@bluecoffee8414]

I agree. I've been so helped by his videos.

[@markdTX]

Having tasted an avoidant for a while, anyone who wants them back has Stockholm syndrome.

[@disorder_go]

Mine came back, told me things were better than ever before saying she felt overwhelmed and left again.

[@samyb2834]

Absolutely GEM of a video.

[@anothercat9600]

Maybe by showing a new more hardtoget, busy, me. And let the avoidant do the chasing. Not bringing up exclusivity before he does.

[@SurlyOne13]

It’s in the name itself “avoidance”. Real change must occur for BOTH partners to work. Otherwise, be grateful it’s over… leave with what dignity you have left and focus on your own future.

[@Nick-os3gn]

Of all the youtubers I've been watching about this stuff, you have been my favorite by far. You truly understand the complexities of the dynamic, and it's so refreshing to hear the perspective of another gay man. Thank you so much ❤ I've been in long-term relationships, but nothing ever hurt like the ending of this last situationship I was in. The chemistry and compatibility were off the charts. I know he has, or at least had, strong feelings for me, and I think his trauma response to the intensity of our connection was exactly why things began to go downhill.

[@Nick-os3gn]

I also want to say that I'm so glad you point out the ridiculousness of friends' responses such as "He just wasn't that into you" and "If he wanted to, he could". Despite being well-intentioned, those words are painful to hear and simply false, though the latter took me a while to realize.

[@chiaraA.]

the cognitive dissonance is real and on its own, traumatizing, so I'd love to see your take on that, and how to heal and thanks!

[@gayleneflower398]

Same

[@arjitsingh7627]

You can address the cognitive dissonance by addressing both the emotional and logical parts. The logical side knows the experience was traumatic and doesn’t want to go through it again. Yet, the emotional part still holds on to those feelings of love. Deep down, you might feel that the person loves you too but chose their fear over you. So, your brain tells you that if they could just realize they’re falling for their fears and the walls they’ve built, they wouldn’t need to run away. However, it’s important to tell your emotional side that you deserve someone who isn’t waiting to realize their mistakes later, but someone willing to put in the work now, without succumbing to their fears.

[@lfg4823]

This is the most accurate description of my relationship with my ex

[@robertorange527]

You are literally describing my ex. This is exactly what happened to me. She had opened up about past traumas which was positive, but dumped me after ghosting me for a week out of nowhere and just after our two year happily celebrated dating anniversary. She said she's going through therapy and to work on herself.I wish her well but not holding out much hope of us being together. You make a tonne of sense. At least I understand what I'm dealing with now. Thank you.

[@robertgull5275]

so real .......i still feel for her after a month of no contact.(3er time ) .....Fixing to walk away once and for all ...They are just sick to the core and won't bother hurt you ....

[@ladyowl9187]

I saw the signs and dumped him before he dumped me, but he tried to get the last dump 😂. So we kinda dumped each other in the end. I loved him. It's all very sad, really. We've been in no contact for 3 weeks. Ourgh

[@marguskiis7711]

He will come back

[@jennyhaytch]

Thank you. This is very helpful.

[@peterkmartel]

1st I want to know what I can say, to help them, and help me to move on, let go, without burning bridges, but also clearly knowing I don’t go back without therapy. Interestingly, she said yes to therapy, wouldn’t work together to find one, but when I found someone she found a reason to say no, and then declare the end, 6 months later. But she keeps hanging onto threads while pushing away, but no more. Thank you. No doubt I’m an anxious type.

[@ekruchowy]

I also dated someone for 10 years and towards the end they would fly someone far away and live there anytime things were not ideal for them or too close. The last time he did that he flew to south America and was proposed to someone there within 3 months, something that I had always wanted.

[@CorbinB-Rax]

Why didn't you get it but they did? Mine seems to love being in a state of war with me, but blaming me, then coming back I don't get it

[@deerlow1851]

is it even worth it?

[@mjc21706]

Why would you want them back???

[@lissliss3925]

Don't bother. Sort yourself out.

[@ox-po363]

Thank you so much for your videos. It helped me a looooooot to understand and handle the situation. Also, thank you for sharing your experience.🙏 ❤️

[@ld921]

Yup my avoidant is leaving the country to get away from me lol 😂

[@brendaeberhardt3739]

Why is that funny?

[@brennam954]

@@brendaeberhardt3739 Because avoidants will go to extreme lengths to create distance from their partners due to their fears of intimacy. You new here?

[@mrsherwood2599]

I always welcomed her back. For the night. It was GOOD. I'm not a very good person, but she was much worse. But did our bodies get along 😅

[@lissliss3925]

Wow that's some f**#@ up sh****

[@sterneprinzessin]

Love your videos. Always short and concise.

[@KenReidCo]

Glad you like them!

[@philipzanoni]

Hey man. I really love your channel and have subscribed. I just wanted to say, be careful about using statistics because nobody really knows.. for example, you said "90% of the time" when referring to no contact rule.. but who really knows? I would have chosen "the majority of the time" or "most of the time" or even "usually" instead of 90%. anyway, I hope this unsolicited suggestion doesn't offend you. I don't mean it that way.

[@KenReidCo]

Hey Tony, I actually really appreciate not only the advice but the way you communicated that advice to me so thank you and I'll definitely aim to take this on board going forward across all my content. Thank you.

[@CorvusCoroneCanisLupusSawel]

worst experience of my life. was engaged, a stepson, pets, home, a good job/career. i lost it all because of her and her shitty ways. lies, betrayal, cheating etc but it was obviously all my fault. financially lost about 30 grand. 16 months on and it still hurts. the only true love i received in that relationship wasn't from her, wasn't from her young son, it was from one of the dogs. says it all really. horrible fcking people. the whole family, her ex husband and her friends were all toxic. the plus side is that i am now studying to become a counsellor.

[@marguskiis7711]

She wasn't avoidant. She was just a manipulative cheater woman whio just had options.

[@Healingwand]

Good question, now….. why do you want them back is the right question who have the original question.

[@garywillett6396]

I’ve sometimes wondered if I loved him silently, but never expressed it, and acted like I didn’t have much time to spend with him, never said anything affectionate, would he still run? Of course, doing that would make me miserable, but, just curiosity. ❤

[@marguskiis7711]

He will run. But when you find another and are happy then he will be back.

[@marguskiis7711]

Of course, the gay relationships can be different.

[@brunalina2275]

Why my ex avoidant DID NOT GO to non contact? He text me everyday telling me about his daily life!

[@marguskiis7711]

It tricky. Wait until you find another man and then he will want you back. I bet

[@brunalina2275]

@@marguskiis7711 i told him i will meet a new man etc etc he was sooo happy for me

[@brunalina2275]

@@marguskiis7711 to be honest cz he helped my son fee years ago this is why im still a simple friend with him But i never think to be in a relationship with him never I cannot im a woman with values

[@fitnessmusic3329]

Amazing

[@arianadebarros3652]

These videos are for people who want their exs back so why come on these videos talking about u don’t want them back if u watching this video u do want them back smh

[@Marauder-kd8zi]

😢

[@Marauder-kd8zi]

Geez traumatized by her emotional abuse I was her first relationship we are both 24 she told me at one point she spoke to her mom and said to me that her mom and her moms boyfriend relationship seems so easy well first of all there at the age where there tired of the games and drama and she was basically saying our relationship is not easy and it basically sums up the fantasy in there head cause relationships take work

[@EEMonesE1]

You talk too much. It’s annoying.

[@ashleykathryn9038]

Is he just supposed to stare at the camera?

[@disorder_go]

@@ashleykathryn9038😂😂

[@Cindy-g5y]

@@EEMonesE1 Ken is great!!! Please don’t stop!! You’ve helped me so much by not sugar coating anything!!