Secrets to Breaking the Comparison Cycle Revealed!

[@philipclarke510]

Hi, Kati! Just wanted to say a few quick things: 1) Your podcast has been my #1 Most Listened To on Spotify for the past 2 years. 2) I usually listen to it on my walks to my weekly therapy appointments on Thursdays. 3) I always look forward to whatever new outfit you're wearing each episode. Love your style. As I like to say: "You're 10/10 Tan France Queer Eye Approved!" Please keep doing what you do! It means the world to me!

[@Halite47]

My favourite quote is “Don't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter twenty”

[@msxeunybunxy]

That's a good one because you don't know what it took to get there.

[@siennaprice1351]

As someone who is completely blind, on the autism spectrum and has CPTSD, I often compare myself to others. “Nobody else in this world touches everything unlike you. Nobody else in this world has intense emotions. Nobody else in the world does this or does that. So you’re not allowed to.” Comparing myself to others makes me judge and criticize myself so harshly. When in all reality, I need to be ok with being my true authentic self. I feel the need to restrict myself from expressing myself the way I do because society says it’s not ok to do that. And this is a HUGE reason why I’m such a perfectionist at so many things in life.

[@User-qn1gs1ig4q62]

I'm autistic too and I completely relate to your comment I always feel like I'm stopping myself from doing something for fear of being judged and if I do something and if no one says anything I judge myself I'm always comparing myself to judge myself and I'm always thinking like no one else does what I do so I shouldn't either

[@Jo-whoknowshowmany]

The point about people who were parentified children loking for people who now have it together resonates very strongly. This is my reson to want to spend time with older people, I am too exhausted with people demanding from me. It's also why I hate being pushed into supervisory roles at work , especially when I am dealing with so much stuff myself right now and have insufficient support, or people who understand. Instead I get youngsters at work having zero responsibility of the job they have taken, the boss letting them take advantage and they turn up thinking they are in a achool playground. I am sick of being the one left to draw lines for everyone else, who don't do so.

[@IzoraNorrix]

I also resonate with this intensely, but I'm told that if I want friends then I HAVE to be the one that is going to be responsible and be proactive etc. For once I want others to take initiative and put in the work like I did and still do, but it seems like that's too much to ask because everyone has an excuse to why they can't do something because of trauma or something they struggle with like I don't have those myself but I still try my best to overcome them. It just feels like if they really cared, they would have at least tried or at least communicated that to me. I just want people to do the work so I don't have to for once.

[@qamaruzzamanmalik7152]

Sending virtual hug. Sorry you have to go through this.

[@KisDraga]

I love these AKA discussions they always manage to hit things I'm also struggling with.

[@Touay.]

After I was held hostage on a foreign business trip, I spent weeks where i slept only a few hours, but those hours were FULL of intense dreams. My dreams were coming at me like being hit in the face with a fire hose - to the point where I was afraid to go to sleep simply because of the intensity of the dreams.

[@scarletshield009]

Held hostage!?

[@ZquntrpYlapcoe]

Psychologists are the coolest and chearmest people in earth 🌍🌎

[@oaklandsoldier8520]

This is a tough one for me as a man. Im constantly comparing myself to others and its ruining my self esteem

[@skeptik-ci5xo]

My dreams have always been intensely lucid dreams, usually nightmares, and they have a huge impact on my mood. It's been like this since I was young, way before I took medications. Of course they became even more intense since I've been on psych meds. I am also plagued by horrific chronic insomnia which is so debilitating. Pure torture.

[@zael274]

it could be me writing the first question, I struggle with the same feeling, feel like a lazy useless person living with my mother forever and I am just 20, rationally I know I have time to do things and I'm gotta find a job but I have this voice inside my head telling that I'll never be enough or as good as someone else, what I'm trying to do is embrace myself as I am now while trying to change and get to live a better life becouse nothing will be good enough if I don't like who I am

[@renamoda5450]

Here you go everybody! 😀 1 1:30 2 12:19 3 21:26 4 24:48 5 31:30 6 36:49

[@micaelalmeida1997]

Thank you!!!

[@nikkimckay860]

@renamoda5450. Thank you for the timestamps ❤

[@zak-a-roo264]

Nonsexual "Attraction" to an elder may be a need for a Mentor. We are supposed to be in contact with older people in positive ways to further ourselves and fullfilling the Elder role for them.

[@angko-pe]

Thank you so much for answering my question (no.4). I will try asking my therapist to watch your answer so he can better help me, and I will, of course, do my part as well.

[@ACHRAF1644]

Just what I needed thank u ❤

[@nikkimckay860]

@katimorton. Its always nice and good to see you and hear your calming relaxing voice i really appreciate you and all your mental health podcast and videos plus being a member of your livestream s you are my favourite mental health videos creator i have followed your channel for a few years now you have been my resource these podcasts are so important and helpful so basically thank you ❤🙏🏻

[@msxeunybunxy]

For question number one, I'd encourage them to make goals and create the life they want. Maybe those thoughts can be good to challenge and motivate from where you where you currently are

[@wiseowl2596]

I can relate to question 1

[@KaiyaLewis-xs9hh]

I compare myself to other people also I started and still compare myself to my twin brother a lot (side note I love your videos so much they helped me so much you are an angel)

[@shiro_yasha]

Somehow I needed this right at this moment!!

[@sharsnow]

Hi Kati. As always thank you for helping us and I want to express my opinion about why I "think/feel" that I'm lazy or LESS than others is because someone in my family always wants me to do more, to achieve more, to earn more, to work up the job rank, to do her hobbies, to do what she's doing, to eat what she thinks it's healthier, to go out and exercise like her, to ADD ADD ADD UP UP UP. For me, I'm happy where I am and not like I'm jobless, not contributing at home, I have my own hobbies, I'm introvert I LOVE staying home but because of this particular person in my life and her "positive motivations" (in her opinion) I am hurting deeply and now, I do believe that I AM LAZY. I'm broken and I don't have anymore goals in my life. Thanks for your contents and you made me feel that I am worth this life (I think). 💙I'm so tired of my lousy life and I told her that she traumatised me in a way. She laughed in our WhatsApp chat, "hahahhahahaha" and she said she was only "talking" and giving me life advice with good intentions. She didn't scream at me (so I shouldn't be using the strong word TRAUMA). I'm still in shock but I'm trying to move on. I hope no one else is experiencing this.

[@nooneisalwaysright]

They’re trying to make you doubt your own reality. People’s opinions are never a good mirror; only introspection is. We can only see ourselves clearly and understand, correct, guide and heal ourselves if we introspect. Only our intentions, mentality, and behavior define us, and the good thing is that these are always in our own control. Life or people are neither in our control, nor can they define us. We should never try to cage or change anyone or anything because, in my opinion, expectations and entitlement make us unhappy. We can just try our best, never stop trying, stay prepared for the future, hope and see what happens. Uncertainty is the only certain thing here. Nothing is permanent. Change is the only constant. There’s a quote from Albert Einstein: "If you want to live a happy life, don’t tie it to people or things." The mind is like water; you can only see clearly when it's still. What people are doing to you is because of their displaced anger, maybe related to their childhood trauma. _People repeat what they don’t repair._ Some think happiness is a limited resource and they can only feel happy when someone else is sad. When someone else is happy, such people believe that others' happiness comes at the cost of their own sadness. People who feel sad when others are happy and happy when others are sad certainly don’t have a healthy mindset. They cannot regulate their emotions on their own. Why would you take feedback from people you wouldn’t take advice from? Comparison breeds envy. Our only true rival is our past or what’s inside of us. People who are better than us will always exist, but each flower is different and blooms in its own time. No one can replace anyone else, and no one has to. No one can reject anyone because we’re not products, and we’ve all been selected by the universe. People can refuse us, though, and their independence is as valuable as ours. Our lives, physical health, mental health, opinions, nature, stamina, exepriences, everything is different. We all cannot fit into one mold that this society tries to push us into. The only way to stop this society is: to not become it because we're breaking the cycle this way by choosing to be nonjudgmental and to listen and understand each other instead of judge, by choosing being genuine instead of having _hidden_ pre-set goals for doing everything, by neither participating and nor starting any toxic race and just focusing on our own life because being real is important; not being perfect. No relationship or friendship can survive without authenticity, assertiveness, clear communication, boundaries, reciprocity and understanding. Half truths, mind games will always end relationships. Success can also mean different things to different people. Recognition isn't success for everybody. Some people crave satisfaction; not power. Real power is in ending desires. Real power is when even the whole world united cannot take away one's integrity; cannot corrupt that person. Some find peace only in simplicity, minimalism, detachment, introspection, solitude, and some find in other things. Real power is in goodness and its value is that even the most evil people only want good for themselves. Even evilness depends on goodness and cannot exist without goodness. Even evil ones cannot accept the same evilness, dishonesty, hypocrisy, disloyalty, betrayal they self-righteously embody. Every power can be taken away without one's permission except goodness, truth, integrity-the real power. Even being sanctimonious can end goodness within so we should be careful, skeptical, introspective and always make sure that we are embodying what we seek and preach. In my opinion, we should never depend on the external world for our peace of mind.. because it can maybe make people happy but it can never give us peace. Just a perspective. _It is the mark of an educated person to entertain a thought without accepting it.-Aristotle._ Virtual hugs! You’ve expressed everything so nicely! We’re in the same boat, and I want to remind you that you matter, and your existence is valuable. Even though we don’t know each other, i care!❤ Always remember this in every situation: _“This too shall pass.”_ This quote comforts the disturbed and makes the rest _aware._

[@sharsnow]

@@nooneisalwaysright you're such a kind soul to respond. Thank you so so so much. I'm crying but I'm happy with all your words. Big hug too!!!

[@nooneisalwaysright]

@@sharsnow I love this song. Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. and Remember who you are by Riley Clemmons.

[@sharsnow]

@@nooneisalwaysright yes this song! Thanks. ❤️

[@doctordrunkenstein.9448]

You are great. 👋👋

[@IzoraNorrix]

I compare myself in two different ways and one of them is not that I do it to myself, but I anticipate how others will compare me instead. I'm usually fine on my own, but as soon as others are around, I start to try to see myself from their point of view and see how they're going to compare me to the people that they know. How do you stop doing that?

[@mozhdehbesharatifar1999]

I am taking ssri, and it gives me vivid dreams.

[@GK-we6gi]

Hey Kati, I have a question. A friend of mine is suicidal (and has been longer than I've known them) they were at the psychiatry for a few months earlier this year and that kind of helped. Now it is really bad again (but they can't go back to the psychiatric station they were at since they just turned 18). I don't really know how to deal with it when they talk about how they wish they could kill themselves. I don't want to guilt trip them because of their suicidality but I'm also really scared that I'm not helping by not saying anything about it. How do I deal with this best?

[@nikkimckay860]

Hello everyone I have only just come across this new AKA podcast I hope people in the comments are well and getting the help and support they need and deserve care/love and/ prayers to everyone ❤😊🙏🏻

[@EddiesCrave60x]

Awesome👍🏼

[@qamaruzzamanmalik7152]

If i start journaling i m afraid the flood gates of abuse, trauma from all kinds of people teachers, and others are going to come out and the worst part it they all are enjoying their life leaving me to process all this shit alone for years. But i don't care at some level now, i expected from jerks which from an okay human i should have expected from. The most terrifying trauma of my life,is by irresponsible, immature, self centered, selfish, jealous, mischievous and dishonest, teacher. I don't know how many girls' lives he had tried to destroyed in order to get to me so confidently and abuse me for years until his pride broke for a little second. But i m okay, i m not that much weak. God is with me.

[@EddiesCrave60x]

Beautiful

[@damrod]

Would love to learn more about the schizoaffective side that you mentioned as an old friend has that but most of what i can find compares it as a lesser form of schizophrenia which doesn't seem to fit with how i know them.

[@Eshrimpski]

“comparison is the thief of joy”…

[@JerrymichaelGreen-qy6tj]

My apologies. You're a sage.

[@nadiaheep]

Dear Kati! How can l ask you a question? 🙏🙏🙏

[@wiseowl2596]

I need this question answered how do I get through sh please answer

[@marinakiell1069]

My mom has this problem but it’s not about herself it’s about me

[@miuruzen]

How do you stop emotionally running away? Like I know that I have some shit to work with that affects me very negatively but I notice that I try to push them away and when I try to tackle these thoughts, feelings and memories I usually get so overhelmed that I get very anxious like gettin anxiety attacks. So without me noticing my brain pushes them away and sometimes I do that consciously because I don't have the energy to tackle them or it is wrong time tackle them like at work and so on. I know that part of the problem is from that I have bottled my feelings since I was small. And it feels so uncomfortable and it can give me anxiety so easly, so question is how can I make it easier? How can I tackle these feelings/thoughts and memories, for example I think I was in some way emotially neglected in my childhood, I am also sensitive person and I have problems with self-worth and self-love... and I know I should start small but I feel just so stuck. Like no matter how I try to tackle these things and think them through, it feels like I'm just stuck... How do I get over these things? I have the tools, well some anyways, but it feels like I can't get over these things and sometimes that starts to stress me because it makes me feel broken. Thanks and sorry to anyone who reads this. 😅

[@LanaDelSnack]

I have dealt with this for as long as I can remember. I don't know exactly how to tackle this, you're not alone though. ❤

[@miuruzen]

@@LanaDelSnack I'm sorry that you too have dealt with this. 😣 I try to be positive and think it will get better someday, that someday I notice that I have gotten over these things or almost got over. But that can also be hard, because the feeling of stuckness. But anyways, thanks for reading my long comment and have a nice day! 💛

[@nicolemarie1909]

This is a hard one

[@homeland1128]

Even better, how do i stop my parents comparing me to other people?

[@BriannaElmore-n7y]

Unfortunately, the hardest thing to remember is that we can't control what other people think or do. We can only control our reactions to them. We can't control our parents. So spending our time trying to get them to stop a behavior is pointless. You can try to have a conversation with them about how their behavior bothers you. However, if they are not open to this or open to trying to change their behavior, then stop wasting your energy in a pointless endeavor.

[@oliviameep3691]

Timestamps?

[@banthatracks_gaffisticks]

But God can communicate through anything...

[@pikmin4743]

great bit (soapbox) on critical thinking

[@Numbers44]

Why did pschologist do alot of things in grey area

[@rachaelharper3778]

First 😊😊😊

[@flugsven]

About dreams; my experience is most of the time I don't recall them. Other times it's like the brain is sweeping out dust and waste. Then again, sometimes it's reoccurring dreams and it's like my brain is shouting "Hey, I have noticed you seem to have a problem here! Are you aware of it? Maybe there's something you need to work on?" If I do work on the issue, I can have dreams where things are improving. One example; I used to dream I was sitting in the back seat of a car on a curvy road and noone is steering. No crash, it stayed on the road but of course it felt very unsafe. I took it as I wasn't in charge of my life. After working on it, one night I suddenly climed to the drivers seat and grabbed the steering wheel. I felt relief in the dream. So it's sometimes like my subconcious are shouting out things I ignore or fail to realize through my dreams. I appreciate it. It's helpful.