How do you truly ‘let go' and move on?

Enrique writes, “Dear Susan, your videos are inspiring and I love you. Here I'd like to ask what is “letting go and truly moving on? I fell in love with a man I've only met twice, and after so many years, I'm not obsessed anymore, but I still have sentimental feelings sometimes and think of him on my bad days. Does letting go equal to have 0 feelings? Is it okay that to "move on" saving a place for sb in my heart? Thx”
---
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[@laurielaurie8280]

Time is usually the best healer. Finding other interests and staying busy helps me. Its hard to let go of love. Love is like a drug. It raises the dopamine in our bodies.

[@wolfmother9294]

I recently let a man come into my life a second time after he left the first and he admitted there was a connection and he just 'didn't want to see it' and then he 'tried' to make it work (which mind you he didn't try) and now here I am again... no communication and everything left unsaid... It is so hard to move on because I believe there is something there ... but I know I need to move on because I can't wait for him to figure it out... Thank you Susan, you really are a wise person and someone to listen to ♥

[@SusanWinter]

wolf mother, here is an interesting fact. When you do truly move on, he will feel it. And only then will he begin to pursue what he now realizes he has lost. Doesn't mean he's the right guy. Doesn't mean he's right for you. But you have to move on for yourself, and for any possibility of seeing a shift in this person.

[@wolfmother9294]

@@SusanWinter Thank you for responding, I really needed to hear some constructive advice right now! I do need to let go and just focus on making myself happier 🥰

[@alanzo428]

It's weird how some men get so many chances after dumping a woman but she dumped me and now it's totally hopeless even though I literally would've killed for her. You are definitely a saint of a woman to be so forgiving tbh

[@lisaweglinski7999]

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. We’ve all been there so no judgement, Queen. You deserve better!

[@annsimonieseraspe1123]

Hi, Susan. I like how you're throwing that positive energy and very straightforward advise. I'm a Filipino and I'm currently working here in Oman, I had a relationship with a Tunisian guy for almost 1 Yr. And I can say that he's a good man, he broke-up with me bcos of his financial, family and work problems, and he told me that we don't harmonise each other cos we have many differences, such as religion, culture... I love him truly and everyday I can't help myself crying I can't believe that he will leave me cos I believed his words a lot when we started our relationship, I still can't move on Susan... I feel him everyday, I sometimes feel that he's talking to me on my mind.. it's hard to explain but I feel so connected to this man.

[@mlantieri]

Hi Susan…..the minute anyone defines their life and happiness through others, they are doomed to a life of heartache and disappointment. Love yourself first, the rest is just a smokescreen.

[@SusanWinter]

So smart, Mark. Love this comment. Thank you!!!!

[@RG-hf4et]

The best way to get over "an old love" is find a new love. I think we get stuck because there is no one new in our life so we keep looking in the rear view mirror longing for the past, even if the past wasn't that great.

[@Tflyisme]

If THIS ain't the truth!

[@marte1376]

No, it's ok to find love but in ourselves and the world, our family, friends, pets, helping other that needed it. Supplying people like objects doesn't work, it's an ever ending story just because you're too coward to fully embrace what delusion and grief is

[@Tflyisme]

@Salem I agree

[@donh1572]

This is bad advice….you need to grieve and do the work on yourself on a number of issues. Otherwise you repeat the same cycle and delay pain to a future date.

[@RG-hf4et]

@@donh1572 As I said above, I am not in favor of anyone jumping into a new relationship just looking for a "replacement". That is NOT what I meant at all. It's not healthy & those quick replacement relationships never last. People should give themselves time to heal after any breakup. Then look for someone new....... I know too many people that never got over a past love & it is YEARS LATER. Not getting over a past love years later/BEING STUCK is just as bad as diving into a new relationship. NEITHER situation is healthy......The point of the video was how to LET GO & MOVE ON......

[@irajessicalagua2460]

Hi Susan! Ira here from the Philippines and you have been a voice of reason for me since I walked away (20 days) from an ex of 6 yrs with Bipolar who cheated and eventually chose that person over me. Thank you for your wisdom, you've been a HUGE help on a daily basis. Admittedly, I am still training my mind into catching a thought and stopping obsessing over her/us. It is triggered by her viewing my stories on social. Got me all messed up but I have to do this alone for myself. (seen your videos about haunting) I am going to keep moving forward. Thank you again, Susan. You are the best.

[@morwien]

Amazing topic Susan. Once in a while i do remember my exes, the good memories and how good it felt. But I try to catch myself from those thoughts. Being in the present. Forcefully thinking of the things I see in the present and saying it out loud, like colours of the cars passing by etc. It does work on taking my mind of those memories and feelings of sadness. Again, good topic Susan. You just clarified what Im trying to do to move on.

[@Vmj14]

It’s been 2 months since my breakup. I do have sad moments and I try to let myself feel it, but also try not to let myself stay in that feeling. I am reminded a lot of her and it’s hard, but maybe because this is also fresh.

[@adamjoyner1004]

Great. But you know what I've just learned is that I needed to stop approaching life as a place,where it's always "want want want" ...and just forget about that, and just relax all day....enjoy all day, have NO problems or issues or even subject..just pure relax, pure enjoy. For me.

[@YouTubeUzername]

I know I have said this a million times but you really are extremely wise and logical. I know the things that you say are true but I would never be able to articulate them as well as you do. Great advice as usual.

[@SusanWinter]

Oh, thank you!! I truly appreciate your kind words. It's statements like that keep me going

[@eddie95795]

I've been single 4 years now, but I still have days I miss my ex. We dated a year and was friends for 2 after, and then one day he just stopped talking to me, I questioned why, and he then blocked me on everything. I struggled to understand why this person that's been in my life for 3 years could erase me so easily. I went to see his mother and she told me he was in a new relationship, one which he hadn't thought to tell me about. Had he done so, I would have been happy and supportive. When I do think of him now, I get sad over how someone I cared so much about, could walk away without even a goodbye, especially since we was good friends after our breakup. But I tell myself it's more a reflection of his character than mine. I know I did my part in keeping a friendship, and i know i was a good friend. It's a very lonely sort of ghostly feeling if I think to long about it, why am I not worth keeping around, But I know deep in my heart, had he been anyone worth any value at all, he'd still be around in some way today. He clearly never cared. The saddest part is, I feel I care more even at this point, Than he ever did in the relationship itself. That's how much love I have for him as a friend, and someone I hold dear. I am over the loss of the relationship. But the loss of him entirely is something I feel I will cary through my life, and I have come to terms with this. I feel this is the remains of love. Susan's advice about finding someone that wants what you want and they want it with you. Saved my life. I truly do believe without the help of Susan, I would not be here today. I have a lot to thank this lady for. I hope one day to find that person that wants the same as me. I am extremely greatful to susan, If I'm ever down and feeling alone. I listen to her voice as I go to sleep. In the words of Susan herself. "Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou" - Edward - England

[@sana_sana_sana]

literally been crying all day today , your videos help me realize a lot of stuff. i'm so grateful that i foun this channel , thank you Susan 💜

[@SusanWinter]

Aww Sana! I truly hope your heart heals and you find peace soon! I promise time does heal all things! Many virtual hugs to you!

[@bp51082]

For me, Susan's point about obsession almost always being about filling in a very sparse picture is hammered home by this: It has only ever happened to me when a fling or dalliance was brief, or cut off for some reason, or didn't go as far as I wanted it to. Happy to say even if ended on good terms, I don't long for a single ex. Think of a couple of them very fondly, but with no sense of longing. What's done is done. Make the choice to exit Fantasyland!

[@thomasrussell4674]

Susan Winter you give great advice, and some of your best advice is simply to release ourselves from the self-torture of attachment.

[@CancerLove555]

Thank you for this 🙏

[@Malefica_Sibylla]

Thank you Susan! I feel so relieved right now!

[@SusanWinter]

What a beautiful share. I'm thrilled. Thank you for your comment and I wish you continued success

[@Phor0phor]

I’ve been working through your break up playlist and feel empowered on the other side of reflecting upon your work. The pain is still in my chest but at least I can hold my chin up. I moved on, he came back, and I remembered why I broke up with him all over again. I love your work, Susan. Best regards, Court

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Court!!! Keep voting for yourself. That's the surest way to call in a kindhearted partner who values you.

[@maurodiaz5726]

I know how painful this situation may be. Thanks for helping us Susan I wacth your Videos from Colombia, south America.

[@PlanetWomble]

Thank you Susan.

[@johnmoreno5965]

Thank you my lady for the wonderful wisdom here.

[@SusanWinter]

Much appreciated John.

[@eddie9454]

Thank you, this is what I needed. Parameters!

[@SusanWinter]

Eddie, thank you very much

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

In the recovery community there is a saying that you must hate the addiction before you can overcome the addiction. Regarding relationships, hate yours and their past bad behaviors and it will certainly help you think and feel realistically and provide closure.

[@user-iy7ub8gn3w]

Hey Susan, you’re such a wise girl, one of the only people on here that truly gets it. I’ve been a viewer of your videos so long and I truly admire your advice. I know this message looks long, but I’m just really struggling with what to do, it would mean so much to me if you could share your thoughts on what I’m going though. If not I understand, but again, I would appreciate it so so so much… About a year and a half ago, I met this guy online though language exchange (he’s 20, I’m 22). He lives in Korea now and I live in the US. I got to know him over the course of that year and it was very obvious we had feelings for each other. He is dealing with a lot of personal family issues so between that and the distance, we never really made anything official. So earlier this year in January, I went to his country and met him. Now I’m not bragging at all but one of my strengths is that I’m a highly intuitive girl and I can read and feel people very deeply. And we had the most beautiful chemistry. I could feel his love for me by the way he would pull me into his arms, and squeeze me. Like he didn’t want to let go. The way he would just stare at me and touch my hair. It was magnetic and beautiful. It’s also important to note that I was the only person in his life that he had trusted to tell his personal family issues to. He’s not someone that opens up easily, so I felt honored. At the end of those two weeks that I was there, we met one last time and I told him that we should let each other go because he’s obviously not in a place to handle a relationship with everything going on in his life- ESPECIALLY a long distance relationship. I could tell that he was holding back so much. So much of what he wanted to say, so much of what he was thinking. About two weeks after I got home, he messaged me and tells me everything that’s been on his mind. He told me to forget about him because he feels so bad that his situation with his family has separated us. He told me the feeling he has in his heart for me is never ending and when he feels sad, he holds my shirt and thinks of me. He told me that he’s in love with me and he feels so confused because he wants to be with me, but he can’t right now, but he also doesn’t want to make me wait because it’s not fair for me. He told me that I’m the person he’s been searching his whole life for. He agreed to letting me go, but he also said that he made a promise to himself that he would return to me, even if I meet someone else. He will still try because I’m the only person who’s ever given him this feeling. He said me seeing him was like seeing a light in a dark cave. He told me he doesn’t know when he will be in a place to have a relationship- he said it could take months or maybe even years before his heart is healed (from his family issues) but he said he’s coming back. He said whether I believe it or not, every day that we don’t talk, I’m on his mind because I’m deep in his heart. And he told me he will be in my arms again… And when he said me all of this, it came as such a shock to me because he’s really not an expressive guy. So when he unloaded all of this on me, I just began to cry because I truly felt the sincerity of his words. I even feel like crying now even writing this. It’s been 5 months since we have spoke and Susan, i am trying to make progress in my life but I don’t know how to stop thinking of him. Because I’m still holding in to hope. He told me to let him go, but then he also told me that he will be coming back to me. And the thing is, I really don’t want to let him go😞 but it seems like every day I wake up, I’m waiting and hoping that this is the day he comes back to me. And I feel like I’m in a loop of obsession. Just waiting and waiting and waiting. And it’s driving me crazy. I’ve never experienced this situation before. And some weird things are happening too. As of the past two weeks, it feels like my mind is being FLOODED with him. Out of my control. I think about him frequently, but for some strange reason, the past two weeks it seems like the thoughts are uncontrollable. And it makes me wonder, is he feelings this too? are our souls energetically meeting?! I just don’t know😭 he doesn’t have social media, so I went on his friends Instagram and I was just trying to find some recent picture of him because I want to see him, and I ended up finding his sisters account. I just took a picture of it so I could check it the next morning (because I was too tired to look that night) so The next morning when I went to check his sisters account, BOOM it was completely gone. I checked on multiple accounts and it was as if her account never existed. Almost like I’m not supposed to be seeing it. So Susan, HOW do I break this loop of obsession? I so desperately want to to talk to him and connect to him and just hug him. But I will not reach out. Because that is the promise HE made to himself, and I want him to talk to me if and when he’s ready. Not because I messaged him. I just feel stuck and can’t find forward movement. Everything I do reminds me of him. Even when I take peaceful walks outside, my mind just does towards thinking of him and the past. Please if you have any advice I’d love to hear it.

[@yukituy9399]

Nice to see you again after (another) break up. Thank you Susan.

[@SusanWinter]

HI Yuki!!

[@rockchalkmarie]

It’s spooky. This could not have come at the better time. He reached out after ten months. And now I hardly hear from him yet again. Such bullshit. Thank you Susan.

[@SusanWinter]

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through that! You deserve much better 🤗

[@amhelinabrahan4655]

I keep on calling my ex right now and planning to beg him to come back then your vid pop up out of the blue 😢

[@SusanWinter]

So... how do you think that choice would work out? Is your ex a kind person who cares for you and you two simply had issues that can now be fixed? Or, is your ex someone who's hurt you, known they were doing so, and didn't correct that behavior? These two questions determine your next step. BUT...never wait on a hope. Live your life.

[@amhelinabrahan4655]

@@SusanWinter he someone who cares genuinely for me and I let him go because he is financially unstable mam. but now I feel like he doesn't want me back. I know i hurt him before and now he is ignoring me and for him I'm just no one. I'm deeply regretting right now. the pain is just excruciating

[@SusanWinter]

@@amhelinabrahan4655 that doesn't add up. I think you wounded his pride and his ego. That's a very different thing than not caring for you. He wouldn't have such an extreme reaction if they weren't feelings there. He wouldn't need to "protect" himself from you. I suggest you have an honest conversation. If you want to work on this, consider a session with me. Best wishes!

[@Phor0phor]

@@amhelinabrahan4655 if you go back to him, will you still be frustrated that he is financially unstable? You have the right to want what you want

[@darcyz882]

Never beg for a man to be with u .. Don't give him that power of control . If he really cares about you , and loves u .He would be there with you. Move on its his lost .. You deserve better ..

[@ambie286]

Thank you

[@catlady715]

Great question and very helpful answer.

[@SusanWinter]

Happy to hear that you think so!

[@catherinegardener9511]

Thank you Susan 😊

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome!

[@lexilight8306]

OMG Susan your videoes, your point of views , how nicely you explain everything really does helps me alot.., i am really greatful... Thankyou so much ,,, i really love you for helping us ... lots of love from Pakistan.

[@SusanWinter]

You’re so sweet! Thank you for all the love and support! Comments like this make doing what I do so very worth it!

[@mjeldn74]

I’m so happy to finally be able to move on. I have so much clarity. We split up since last September and it was intense as my ex wouldn’t stop keeping in touch. It did hurt. Finally in February this year it came to a head. We didn’t have any contact for months. Then out of the blue she reappeared. Even as friends she looked like she was treating me as if we were in a relationship. Then at a recent event I had to take the plunge and just enjoy myself with my friends and pretty much left her to do her own thing. So, yes I do reminisce but, it’s time to live my life.

[@rotimigracious3987]

Hey I know someone who will help you he helped me few days after being separated for 3yrs

[@rotimigracious3987]

美丽的✛19515998468❤⏯⏯눈‸눈...

[@rotimigracious3987]

M e s s a g e h i m o n W h a t s A p p f o r h l p

[@kristina4395]

Ego is also often tricky 😅

[@JanJan4Infinity]

Getting out of the loop is hard. My parent still talks to my former love interest’s family members. And some songs do trigger some sad moments of them😬 but it is okay at least I’m able to separate the dream and the reality

[@mikaylalynn7266]

It’s been so long after my break up and I can’t get over it. But it’s probably because he still tries to contact me so it makes me think of him.

[@dominiccobb6470]

Perfect timing Susan, as always. I had a dream about my ex tonight.. even though it's been over two and a half years... By the way, there is a little typo in the title ❤️

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Dominic. Just caught the typo. Thank you. And how interesting… The timing of this video and your dream. Thank you for your support. I've seen your name here numerous times and I truly appreciate you being a part of my KZbin family

[@Asmaa-bz4ru]

Your timing is impeccable! I love you mama ♥️

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Asma, and thank you!!

[@billy3046]

Hi susan, I recently got over a 2 year fling that i had that clearly was one sided. I talked to her so much and thought she was my future. Recently i started talking to her again and my feelings have comeback and i know i dont want to make a fool of myself again. What should i do?

[@modmodeliani8774]

🌹

[@deqaabdi7446]

How can I stop repeating something that happens in the past and move on?

[@SusanWinter]

Stop repeating it and you will move on. I know it sounds so ridiculously simple. Like the Nike slogan, just do it. But it's that simple. And that makes it difficult

[@farhanhasan2926]

Timely video. Trying to move on right now.

[@SusanWinter]

fantastic. Normally, the past has a little for us. But the future holds unlimited possibilities

[@Xikrant]

I allways remember

[@SusanWinter]

Remebering is fine. However, if the act of remembering freezes you in time, then that's not good.

[@emmakroeg1592]

I have been broken up with my ex for a year, last time we spoke was two months ago. I can't stop checking up on his social media.. I still hope he reaches out at some point. Do you have any tips on how to stop looking at their social media? I feel like it really keeps me in the loop. Thank you for your work 💖

[@SusanWinter]

I think the easiest answer to that is to force yourself to block or delete him. Maybe start with just a quick social media break altogether and then see how you feel when you come back?

[@dystephiary]

lol this just came at the right time.. I'm still stuck and it's been four months.

[@SusanWinter]

So Steph, do you know why you're stuck? What's the dream that you're holding onto? If you can disentangle that, you have a pretty good chance of getting free

[@dystephiary]

@@SusanWinter i think it was more of my existence being validated by this person and when he left, I suddenly felt empty.

[@josh8887]

I’m 21. So recently I’ve just lost a girl whom I’ve developed very deep feeling for . I had a crush on her for a few years and finally she told me she liked me and I did too , everything was going well and life was just so full of bliss . But then I messed up because of my carnal desires and her parent saw mine and her dirty text messages. She was immediately cut off from me and all sources of contact between us are strictly prohibited. How do I deal with hating myself so much ? I literally had plans on how I would introduce myself someday to her family and I’ve not only messed up by tarnishing my image to her family but also lost her and so many thoughts are going through my mind like “what if she’s feeling sad “ what if she won’t ever be the same again “ what if she is also thinking of me “ will she get through this fine “ . Odds are she will be fine but I just can’t seem to let go of not only loosing her but of myself too for feeling like such a mess up .

[@justme-so2en]

My gf is getting her doctrine and taking care of her business, we had a few good years but now it’s like gone she’s all about work and school yes I want her to do so but for 6 months now I’m getting no text no calls unless I call or ask it’s like idk if she wants this anymore no I’m not being needy I am giving her space but holy cow what a change in affection I guess I’m not sure if I should just let it be until she’s not so overwhelmed with stuff or just move on cause in 6 months I’ve gotten a date three calls and a text with out me starting it and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Help Susan!

[@goddessglow6996]

Interesting

[@greyrivera5]

It's not even about that person. It happened to me. I grew to believe I met my "Twin Flame" 🙄 The truth is, we are looking for love without!

[@stevenkovler5133]

Yes! Yes! And Yes.. she just called me because I wished her a happy Mother’s Day. I don’t know what I want ! Susan I rather die , then know that we will be divorced and that she will find another victim !

[@StellaPastLife]

susan.. please turn down the mic throat noises. i litterally can't listen...and you're amazing.

[@user-yx9zw5cl5x]

Mam