How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated - Dating Advice

Wondering how to get over someone you never dated? Are you caught in a loop of obsession and can't seem to break free? Here’s what’s really going on- learn how to stop wanting them and open up to someone who is available and interested.
It's easy to fall into desiring a certain outcome upon meeting a certain kind of individual. The question to ask yourself is, "How well do you know them?" Are you taking the tidbits of information you're picking up intuitively and creating an entire screenplay of how you want your life to be with this person?
This video will show you how to disentangle and disconnect from the obsession that's keeping you up at night, and disturbing your peace of mind. It will also free you so that you can be available for a person who is ready to enter a partnership with you; one you have met in real life and one who is also available and interested in you.
00:00 Introduction
01:19 The Click
02:09 Prototype vs Them
02:30 The Fantasty
03:57 The Way Out
05:20 The Way Out
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The Dating Games Guide:
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And, what's your countermove?
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[@MBAinternetmktg]

Thanks!

[@SusanWinter]

THANK YOU!!! Much Appreciated

[@MBAinternetmktg]

@@SusanWinter your video helped me Unfriend someone whom I had never met but was getting a crush on. He really didn't have any interest in me, but he liked the attention. The future was entirely in my head! Your videos are so important--thank you for all you do!

[@dawnowens1951]

Are we just nuts

[@SusanWinter]

No. Just human

[@yc5141]

😂😂 well said sometimes I feel nuts

[@WellKnownBee]

I feel nuts i really like this guy.. and he’s showing signs that he just doesn’t. It’s difficult but almost all of us will go through it. ❤️‍🩹

[@BlacKWidoW70s]

🤣🤣🤣👌🏼

[@Binay168]

I literally day dream about having conversations with them very often. Maybe I went nuts.

[@abes2758]

I did this for years in my 20’s (and sadly still in my 40’s - I know you would think I would have learnt) but said guy I put on a pedestal , he was older, fast forward 15 years I bump into him and he asks me out. I got out and it was the worst date of my life lol he was on some sort of drugs, not at all how I had imagined him to be especially as I hate drugs, he did take me for a very expensive dinner but he was so scattered and then fell asleep in my car on the way home. I couldn’t wait for th date to be over. I was so relieved but also so angry at myself because I had imagined him to be perfect and he was anything but let me tell you. I’m annoying because I find myself still doing this unconsciously which is very frustrating especially as I saw first hand how sometimes getting the person is not all it’s cracked upto be

[@dmalina3]

This is my story, I don't meet new people that I like much often and when it happens all hopes are in and my fantasy goes wild. Maybe is also some kind of defence, relationship in my head does not need so much effort like real one

[@smoothtruth]

❤

[@hp2546]

You have to at least be involved in a community. Like do you go to college. Do you join any clubs? Do you even go to work? If you just sit around at home in solitude, of course you don't meet new people. When you go out there to socialize, you may even see that new person that attracted you.

[@alexflips393]

It’s tough, but if you level up so much eventually you become what people want.

[@Reilly5]

Sometimes you need to go through this a few times to learn and grow from these experiences.

[@Made-in-mind]

Can you imagine this situation when tables are turned and after all this wait, the other person is obsessing over you

[@SusanWinter]

It does happen. People feel the energy that we sent their way. And then when we retract it because we're no longer interested, now they are attracted to us.

[@johns.1710]

Susan long time viewer. I see my worth that's why I fantasize with those unattainable people in my imagination. Deep down I hope one of them sees my worth! It sucks having no love interests so creating one for me makes me feel more at ease with my loneliness, ideally it would be with a real partner that fullfils those needs . Hoping to meet mine soon ❤️

[@jannybanany1]

This is the story of my life...especially recently. Having a really hard time getting over the rejection from my FWB guy I was in love with. :-( Thanks for covering this topic Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

Sorry to read this, Janny. In your case, you were far more involved than somebody you'd "never dated." But just a suggestion… If you are looking for a relationship, and you'd like to feel confident in what you have, I would suggest bypassing anyone who suggests less. I know sometimes people think they can. "flip them ". But normally, if they want less, it's because they can only do less.

[@jannybanany1]

​@@SusanWinter thank you so much for that. That definitely makes sense. I need to stop accepting less regardless of how attracted to them I am. Continuing to follow your channel and suggestions as you've been a big help in coping and figuring out what changes to make!

[@hp2546]

Bright side about that guy is at least you did have a chance for a romantic time with him. Many of us only fantasize about out crush and we don't receive dates nor sex with that crush in reality. You got 1 of the above. I don't get to have sex with my crush. At least what is successful on that small part is you get to have sex with that person. List #1 right there is completed for you knowing that you did have sex with your crush. List #2 is something you were unable to complete which is get him to go out on a date with you. After all, FWB relationship is considered sex only relationship with no plans to go out on dates. I can tell you wanted a partner who wants to give you a committed relationship other then just sex. The guy you hung out with was only interested in casual hook ups. Hope you will find a partner who will like you for who you are and not just give you sex. So the only thing you will be fantasizing in your head is going out on a date with your crush. You would not have to fantasize having sex with him because you already experienced that in reality.

[@AmberRadiance]

This was, too, the story of my life. Then I discover Susan Winter and then Crappy Childhood Fairy who taught me about CPTSD and limerence. I’m a new person now since discovering these two angels.

[@muazabdool6047]

Sometimes in life you have to relize that love does not solve all your problems . I loved her and i wanted her . But she loved my attention more . The other online interest played games . We just friends but we have feelings for one another . This one hit my abandonedment issues to the core ... because my mind tells me i can never be liked or loved .The only way i helpled myself is to make her hate me , i miss her both of them but as i said love does not solve all your problems.

[@lucasdesouza9674]

Im so happy i found this channel

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks Lucas

[@user-yt8hm4oc5r]

once I read today's topic, I had to get a glass of red so I could sit down and listen once for all. Yes, I have been there several times with my imaginary perfect man. thank you

[@mariad1151]

Glass of white here🥂 In the words of the great Steven Tyler: Dream On

[@smoothtruth]

❤

[@SusanWinter]

You are welcome, and I absolutely love the fact that you took a moment to get yourself fully relaxed so you could enjoy the video. I really value hearing this response from you. Thank you.

[@teripersson1308]

You're talking about me and my Office crush 😂. I needed this. I don't really want a relationship right now and as you say 'they are perfect in the fantasy' xx

[@mesCheerios]

The worst was the person who i thought didn't like me back but when i confessed he did ask me out. Then stood me up. & because he was going through an exceptionally difficult time it was hard to think "well he just doesn't like me" because it would honestly be hard to date when going through that. However, he never did show up to actually date me. I know now he didn't care enough but it is difficult to see clearly in the moment

[@dawnowens1951]

I am just now reading this. Sorry for the late reply. I don’t feel he didn’t care. He most likely felt he would disappoint you. He probably liked you a lot. Life interfered, I am sure of it. Do you still have those feelings for him? Are you still in contact with him? Reach out and say hi and see what manifest.

[@smoothtruth]

​@@dawnowens1951❤

[@johnmoreno5965]

So true. And now that we are all online watching everything and everyone this has become the era we live in and looking with out ever talking to, chatting with, or even getting to know someone.. all are victims to this new age and era. Oh and age isnt the problem y'know think the attraction and curiosity can be there but so will be the obstacles. My lady, my love for you will always be there for you because its the way you are helping us all find answers in a complicated world I see a genuine beauty you have, both inner beauty and outer beauty. I can see and tell. No im not prefect and neither is life ❤

[@gildastigliano7936]

the song:"Imaginary Lover"--never disagrees!

[@shawnanowa8197]

💖💖🌈🌈 Love You Susan, I wish I would of found your site years ago! Love the information of this video 💚💫

[@sarahwagen57]

I have only phantasy lovers, only dream in my mind

[@adamsmith868]

When I'm away from them I obsess over them but when I'm with them in person I don't feel any spark or attraction they're just another normal person, it's confusing.

[@KandyKoatedKrafts]

Its a mental addiction only

[@adamsmith868]

@@KandyKoatedKrafts Thank you for pointing that out, it's really helpful.

[@bar9849]

because is Limerance..

[@sushisam3010]

The wealth is the fantasy created over our needs. It's not about the other person, but about ourselves. While I was accessible, the avoidant didn't want me, even though she said she wanted a relationship with me (never showed up to fulfill her desires in the real world). When I became inaccessible, things changed. I spent a year obsessing, I forgot my life and my joy for nothing. We deserve the touch, the real thing, the exchange. It's tiring and I want someone who isn't a ghost. I deserve a real hand holding mine, a real hug, someone who takes on their desire with me. I didn't admit what I wanted it either, but I deserve it.

[@hp2546]

That will make it easy to hide your attractions. You may feel obsesses over that person but you aren't even acting upon them. You don't even feel tempted to ask out your crush. That is another way to say even if you are attracted to that person, you are able to detach. You are detaching by not confessing your crush your feelings and you aren't giving any impression you are interested and you aren't competing for attention. What you did is keeping it bottled up inside.

[@khanaatiqpathan9238]

I got rejected by this girl years back , I still can’t seem to forget her .. Even though she never liked me , during that phase just being with her felt like love .. I’m now emotionally damaged and can’t seem to find anyone.. It’s crazy how it’s so hard to move on!

[@DuckSeason12]

My last date, I realized I don’t know anyone until a first date at least.

[@carlpacheco2058]

In my experience that kind of crush on someone unavailable helped me feel hopeful again and leave an abusive situationship. I knew within weeks it wasn’t going to go anywhere but it gave my heart hope that I could love again, and eventually after I left the situationship and smoothed out tension with the person who was my crush, we ended up becoming friends and I realized I would not want to date them if I had actually really gotten to know them as I know them now LOL

[@SusanWinter]

Carl, that is a very sophisticated assessment of how to use a crush to your advantage. And congratulations. You observed the process rather than idealizing the specific person. And you used it as momentum to encourage you to leave a sub optimal situation and fuel you to believe that better was possible. I truly appreciate your sharing this insight. It's really quite brilliant and congratulations.

[@suzeb7005]

Limerence

[@acfollowjcor318]

What Susan said in this video makes a lot sense.

[@lyndamcmullen5506]

Thanks Susan. I needed this

[@JDNunezz]

I’ve done this twice within the last year- man I’m tripping. Thank you for this video - sheds a lot of light

[@MBAinternetmktg]

Thank you! Very timely topic.

[@Tina61867]

Long distance people too

[@wavygravy30]

Sadly there are people out there who will straight up lead you on, flirt and show initial interest and then...yea. They don't really reach out or make plans. If you are the type that doesn't go out much and don't find most people appealing this can mess with you unfortunately because you kind of got excited about them only to be disappointed. It's not the end of the world of course but it can sting let's be honest here.

[@hp2546]

This may even apply to those who is only going for friends with benefit relationship. I mean they may want to flirt, give sex but do not make plans to date you. There might be some who will only give you 1 night stand and then not ever see you again. It just have to depend on what kind of relationship you want. If you are the type who wanted a permanent relationship, make sure they want you for who you are. Not them using you for something.

[@SusanWinter]

Sadly, you are not wrong. It is the way of the world (increasingly so). That's why it's important to know where we stand, and to know if the person we "like" is worth the investment

[@DuckSeason12]

Took me thirty eight years to realize this piece of wisdom.

[@SusanWinter]

You're a quick learner because eight is fantastic. Some people it takes a lifetime and they still don't get it.

[@sunbae9673]

Susan, you look fabulous! Thank you for your work!

[@debralondon2402]

Good video. Thank you

[@jacobsoto7228]

To be honest I can't seem to get anything off the ground running

[@dzzzzzt]

This is truly profound. Right at the heart of the issue. Just as I started becoming aware of this issue and I look througj your videos trying to find something else, bam! I watch this one. This is precisely what I'm going through. I must work through it. Thank you immensely. "The Dream"... ah... Such a sticky trap. Thank you.

[@mariannakitsopoulou1377]

Thank you so much!

[@jacquelinerussaw6967]

I fell in love at first sight with a co worker.

[@DuckSeason12]

Do we work together?

[@jacquelinerussaw6967]

@@DuckSeason12 IDK

[@DuckSeason12]

@@jacquelinerussaw6967 don’t usually write lol, but laughing inside :)

[@homiesenatep]

Man, I was in love with a bipolar girl for almost 2 years now. I even came over about 45 minutes to tell her how much I loved her, my reality check was established when I found out she had a boyfriend. My perception was fallen after that. At least though, I followed my heart to go tell her I loved her. At least that is what mattered. I even believed that if she was meant for me, she’d look for me too, that she’d follow the steps of fate. It never happened. I guess I’m just stuck here now, I don’t know what to do

[@susan-7865]

Why do people go nuts over people that don't like us?

[@SusanWinter]

Sometimes it's boredom, sometimes it's a way to experience the highs and lows of love without ever really being in love. It could be living out of fantasy in our mind that we know is impossible in real life. Or it could be as one of the commentators wrote, a wonderful pivot in energy toward a better relationship

[@ajnishanth]

I was in a long distance relationship with her. For a year we have met twice and gone on vacation. She loves going out on parties with her friends. I had questioned her two or three when she had gone out with her guy friends couple of times. She had an office party last Christmas she was standing next to a guy in a group picture i got trigged and confronted her. She said i am toxic and dont respect women. She told me doesn't want to be a relationship she wants to be friends. Is there anyway to get her back? I have been on no contact for 30 days now

[@DuckSeason12]

Most of my relationships.

[@ellebell9139]

I always come back to Susan because I always need the reality check 😂

[@SusanWinter]

Elle, thank you!!

[@debralondon2402]

Great video. Light 💡 moment! 😢😢 couple of them. Ha 😮 Thanks

[@SusanWinter]

Glad you enjoyed it

[@mariad1151]

Foolish heart, hear me calling Stop before you start falling Foolish heart, heed my warning You've been wrong before Don't be wrong anymore Feeling that feeling again I'm playing a game I can't win Love's knocking on the door of my heart once more Think I'll let her in before I begin Andy Goodrum/Steve Perry

[@chocolate-soulja40]

Omg! As an openly gay guy. I do this a lot with guys thats nice to me & flirt with me. I wish my mind would stop with all of this. My mind needs a vacation from all this 🥵😅😵‍💫😵🤦‍♂️

[@user-pb5ff8bu3m]

Ive been there never got into a relationship with someone I really liked and cared for she would constantly block me all the time then unblock me talk about toxic

[@sgmaths]

Madonna…! Are you watching this…! It’s all in ‘your mind’…!

[@smoothtruth]

❤

[@user-hx2is1nq8w]

Can people who are intellectually delayed have relationships with normal people and can be accepted.

[@jeffreyramsdell4781]

Do you date younger men?

[@mariad1151]

This doesn't make sense. Folks don't choose who drags them over the rainbow (to quote Neil Young). We would choose the ones who chose us if at all possible. Yes that's rational. Tell it to my heart! Beyond that, why would anyone make a shopping list of traits & go shopping for them? It's the cart before the horse, & dollars to donuts, you don't even like what you wrote. Have you been smitten? Was it ever what you thought you wanted? When did love become so cerebral? (If not for the dream, Susan, what for?)

[@charmedprince]

If not for The Dream, what for indeed 😞

[@SusanWinter]

People develop a fantasy around a person I've never dated. The point of this video is that it has a positive and a negative effect. It can give you a little spring in your step when you walk into the office and see that heart throb of yours that is unavailable, kind of put a smile on your face when they talk to you, and allow you to safely play out some of the emotions of attraction and flirtation. However, when it becomes an obsession, then it is unhealthy.

[@mariad1151]

@@SusanWinter I'm still confused. I like when you say that we plant a certain person into our "dream" and that it's all fantasy. I get it. But it's only a select few that ever get placed there, right? & who knows why they get there? Not from a list of must have traits I made, surely. Desire is a mystery...to me anyway. It's always primary. You don't make a list, go shopping, & turn on desire, do you? It's the most helpless thing. Obsession, I guess, is inherently pathological. Unrequited love? I don't know. I guess it depends on who is judging unless it's been formally classified by this point in time. I appreciate your work, Susan. I think you're the best! I also Ike Steven Speaks take on connection--the mystical nature of love & the rarity of it. I like opera, too. It wakes such emotion. I assume you are also one capable of deep feelings. Hasn't anyone captured your heart, mind, & soul & been beyond your grasp? As always, all the best to you!

[@lrkegitz-johansen8111]

Did you get a deepplane FACELIFT? You look different - and thanks for advices.

[@sgmaths]

Madonna…! It’s just a fantasy…! Get over it…!