How Does Partner Betrayal Trauma Manifest?

[@sunset9729]

23 years later and it is still raw Im a man i should be strong but society seems to have a different plan for men . It's like there's no one to talk to about betrayal trauma. I just hold it in and push

[@DrDougWeiss]

You're not alone in this. Men and women are both affected deeply by betrayal trauma. If you're interested, we can get you scheduled with one of our counselors/coaches to help you heal from this Contact Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 to get started. You don't have to continue to struggle with this alone.

[@andziagreen4922]

I totally understand this. I'm a woman and only few medical professionals know about my past. I don't know why I'm ashamed someone of 9 years together did this to me. I still have moments to ask God why because it made me very ill physically and after 4 years I'm still trying to come back to my old self.

[@sunset9729]

@@andziagreen4922 My prayers are with you 🙏

[@RavenRocks714]

thank you for making me aware this is real! I have this trauma and didn't know the name of it until today. I have extreme anger. I turned to alcohol to drown my feelings. I am mad at him for ruining everything...our relationship, my self esteem, my trust. I put a tracker on his truck. I am going to start trying to work on myself now.

[@DrDougWeiss]

You're welcome and I'm glad you enjoyed the video. If you want to start working with a partner betrayal trauma therapist, you can contact Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708. We have a Partners Facebook support group you can join too. You don't have to go through this process of healing alone. facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/ You can also check out our helpful materials in the form of the Partner Betrayal Trauma book and workbook, as well as the DVD Calming the Storm of Anger. www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-workbook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/calming-the-storm-of-anger-dvd/

[@gardengoddess5606]

I agree with you completely, I have the same feelings, this is the 4th time I’ve busted him! I know he’s got a problem, sex addiction and I keep telling myself , “in sickness & health” I can’t leave him. I still love him, but this time it’s different, if I had the means, I’d kick him out, but I can’t work because I’m disabled. I’m trying to open my own business, but this happening to me has pushed me back and I have no motivation to move forward. I don’t understand the person I’ve become and how to fix it. Good luck, you’re not alone! 😢💔🥰

[@brendacrnkovich4320]

Why is it so traumatic??? Hurtful? Debilitating??? Why? After my husband passed, I kept dreaming that he was cheating on me in the dreams even though he was gone… Deathbed confessions broke my heart. It’s been four years and it still hurts sometimes.

[@joanneteasley550]

😸😼

[@DrDougWeiss]

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you in your life and that you are still struggling with what he did years later. Your pain and trauma are real. What you are experiencing is pretty common for those dealing with partner betrayal trauma. The Partner Betrayal Trauma book validates a lot of what you are feeling and dealing with. This, along with the Partner Betrayal Trauma workbook and the DVD Secrets After the Funeral are pretty good resources to use. www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-workbook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/secrets-after-the-funeral-dvd/ You don't have to go through this alone. Here at Heart To Heart Counseling Center, we have partner betrayal trauma therapists available to help you get through this and find healing and support for yourself. Contact us at 719-278-3708 to get started. You can also join one of our phone or Facebook support groups that we have available as well.

[@tejai6693]

Awful… I’m so sorry

[@gardengoddess5606]

Im so sorry you’re going thru this! It must be so difficult because he’s gone and you’re not allowed to ask him questions. I hope you find help and life gets better. My husband has cheated on me multiple times, it sucks and I’m still with him. 😢💔

[@Memaw_life]

You have no idea how your videos make me feel 😭 this is exactly what I have been enduring for the past 8yrs. I think I'm moving on but something will trigger me and I start imagining everything images and details are the worse

[@DrDougWeiss]

The journey of recovering from partner betrayal trauma can be hard at times, but with the right help and support, healing can be achieved. If you haven't already, you might want to connect with a therapist to help you process these emotions and the triggers that you are struggling with, as well as connect with a group. This way, you can get the support and encouragement that you need. Please consider contacting our office at 719-278-3708 to book a session with one of our certified partner betrayal trauma therapists. Among our helpful resources, the Partner Betrayal Trauma book or video might be a good resource to validate what you have experienced and goes more in depth on the effects of partner betrayal trauma on a person. www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-video-download/ There's also the video "Triggered", which provides insight into the nature of triggers and how to manage them. www.drdougweiss.com/product/triggered-video-download/

[@xiorelysduran8315]

6 years of dealing with rejection and my husband watching porn and masturbating. Always making feel that it can be any other one but mes I’m completely broken 😢

[@evandegenfelder4554]

I hear and understand what you're going through. In my opinion pornography is in some ways worse than if he has an affair in the real world. At least it's only one woman, not hundreds of thousands of women. We have just passed (yesterday) our 7th month post D-Day. I found out my husband of 38 years had been addicted to PMO for 30+ years of our marriage. The betrayal, the lies, the gaslighting, the SECRECY. . . .makes me feel like I want die, sometimes. So, I DO know what you're dealing with. It is pain like NO OTHER. I too went all those years feeling rejected, unloved, unappreciated, unattractive, unwanted; I felt that way because that's how I was treated. I knew something was wrong (I thought he was having affairs) but he just lied and gaslighted me with: You're nuts, of course not; no, you're wrong, no, I'm not, etc. I finally found out by walking into his office on 24 September and seeing the filth on his computer screen, his eyes like deer in the headlights. My life was completely devastated. Please stay strong, it isn't easy, but working through your feelings, reading books, watching Dr Weiss and others. . . it will get slightly better.

[@jmeaj1777]

It was 4 months since D Day yesterday. I hope some spouses who did this to the ones the supposedly love see this. I hope this does just that to my husband as well. I’m curious how many of the betrayed commit suicide. I wonder how many think about it and or try. I’ve thought about it almost everyday. I developed an eating disorder after he told me my weight was part of the reason for his porn addiction. I lost 55 lbs since D Day. Most days I eat less than 700 calories and 70 carbs a day. I’ve tried to commit suicide twice and I’m in the process now. My therapist says my severe OCD plays a part in why it’s so bad for me. Almost 22 years and he used porn of skinny girls instead of me. I love him and our 4 kids more than anything but I can’t take the pain anymore. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I just wanna die. Doug thank you so much for your videos. They have helped me a little bit but nothing can make this pain go away.

[@nhorkansi270]

Thanks for sharing this about truma

[@DrDougWeiss]

You're welcome. It's important to understand topics like these and that despite what may have happened, there is healing and support available.

[@charitefoide6934]

Me and my husband dated almost 4 years. A month after we where married I found out he had a 2 and a half month affair with a coworker. He drug out giving me the full truth over a month and only then because I confronted her while he was on the phone and she told all. Almost a yr later I’m told there was another woman ( just once) after a company party the year before the other woman I had learned of. At this time my husband, myself and this woman worked together. She tried telling me , then smearing it in my face and the whole time he denied it. The company fired me because of the problem it was causing. My husband only admitted to going to a bar with some of the others and playing pool. Now 15 years later I find out it was true and he kept it from me. Only now he denies the bar part. I was also told 13 years ago that she no longer worked with him to also find out he lied and except for a 3 wk loa she’s been there working with him the whole time and even though he knew how I felt about her he never told me. I need advice…. Or is all this Im feeling crazy since it was so long ago?

[@DrDougWeiss]

Thank you for sharing your story. First off, I want you to know that your feelings are completely valid. The partner betrayal trauma you have from this is real. I'm sad to hear that you went through all this in your marriage over the years. You are not at fault in any way for his actions. You may want to consider whether or not you will continue to accept this type of behavior from him. If he is unwilling to get help and change, things will stay the same and may even get worse. I would start getting healing and support for yourself at this time. We have certified therapists here at our office who specialize in partner betrayal trauma. If you need help, please contact us at 719-278-3708 to make an appointment to work through the healing process. You can join our free Partners Facebook support group too: facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa For helpful materials, there's the Partner Betrayal Trauma book or DVD and workbook, which provide validation and guidance in working through situations like this: www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-ebook/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-video-download/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-workbook-ebook/ Additionally, you can check out the DVD "Why Do I Stay" which you might find helpful as well www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-do-i-stay-video-download/ We also offer couples couples and a 3 or 5 day marriage intensive if he is willing to work on this. The two of you could also watch Helping Her Heal, which provides both validation for what you have experienced, and guidance on how he can work with you towards healing. www.drdougweiss.com/product/helping-her-heal-video-download/

[@charitefoide6934]

I just learned of all this two weeks ago and he tried lieing again then admitted just a little more but I contacted others including her again that told me everything. He still denies and says this is all crazy cause it was 15 years ago. But I feel that he was confronted 13 years ago about it and wasn’t honest and he’s had all these years to tell me ! I feel like I haven’t really known him , that it’s all been fake and he has secrets and lies to me now. And you think my feelings are normal ? What does this say about him ? Should I have known she still worked there? I’m buying one of the books and work book. And thinking about making the call. Thank you so much for helping me.

[@heribertogonzalez3186]

I just came across this & wondered why is most of this about women being betrayed. Don’t you have videos of what men go through ??? I do know that pain is pain & betrayal is betrayal, but as a “Man” the processes & emotions “Must” be different !!!

[@DrDougWeiss]

Both men and women do experience betrayal trauma. While they may process things differently, a lot of the principles can be applied to both. I do have a playlist of videos that is aimed for betrayed men that you can check out here: kzbin.info/aero/PLoQAJVqvxAfhtNr1iU_Ce4EXYpp-ylC-l

[@christinedaugherty]

About 8 years and i still have trama, probably because my husband still has issues

[@DrDougWeiss]

You don't have to stay stuck in this trauma. You can reach out and get healing and support for yourself from this either locally or from one of our therapists here at Heart To Heart Counseling Center. Call us at 719-278-3708 and we can connect you with a therapist trained in dealing with partner betrayal trauma. You can join our Partner Facebook support group as well. You are not alone in this. facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/

[@gardengoddess5606]

I need help so badly, but I can’t afford the cost for trauma therapy, it’s $350 an hour in another place, I don’t know what your cost is, but anything over $200 is not doable for me, it sucks I can’t get help when I need it so badly. Any suggestions?? Please I’m at my wits end. 💔💔💔

[@DrDougWeiss]

Yes, we definitely have some therapists who would fit within your price range for virtual counseling. You can call our office at 719-278-3708 and one of our staff can answer your questions about our pricing. You can join our free Partners Facebook group for community support as well: facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa You can also check out our helpful Partners materials and resources, which include workbooks and videos that would provide validation and guidance as you heal at: partnerbetrayaltrauma.org/partner-betrayal-trauma-resources/

[@johnmatelski6413]

not just women...

[@DrDougWeiss]

Yes, both men and women experience partner betrayal trauma. If you need any help with this, you can contact our office at 719-278-3708 to get connected with a male therapist who specializes in this.

[@pattietaylor407]

It makes me sick, I have a hard time making love to him. He can't keep it up long enough it's always a quickie, or he can't finish. It just makes me not want sex if he wants to continue to watch that shit.

[@pattietaylor407]

We been together we 25 yrs and each year it because more and more.

[@Mrs.Mann1777]

I have been with my husband for 21 years and recently found Tik Tok videos of 19 and 23 year old girls with very little clothes on in suggestive positions. This lead to a ton of info and truth. I found out he’s been watching porn the whole 21 years. Says he’s been watching it regularly since he was 12. He admitted to so much. I have major health problems and have been on steroids for almost 14 years. I have severe OCD and I think it’s making the betrayal trauma much worse. He also admitted that my weight is part of why he watches porn. Since March 6 when I saw the first Tik Tok video I have lost at least 29 lbs. I’m barely eating. A lot of the time I eat once every 3 days and eat around 600-700 calories. I’m walking between 2-6 miles a day with my walker and exercising on and off all day. I don’t come out of my room except to go to lab ( at least once a week ) , to the dr or to walk. I’m sui***** and have tried. I can’t get over this. I think about it from the minute I wake up till I go to sleep even when I get up to pee but then I can’t go back to sleep , I have to exercise. I think it’s partially from my OCD . Any suggestions? Please help. I love his desperately and don’t wanna live without him but something new comes out every few days and I can’t go on like this

[@Mrs.Mann1777]

I have all of these symptoms

[@DrDougWeiss]

Your partner betrayal trauma from this is real and I'm sorry that you are hurting from this. I would suggest meeting with a doctor and having a suicide hotline available if you have these thoughts. Regarding your partner betrayal trauma, you can make an appointment with one of our certified therapists by calling our office at 719-278-3708 for support and healing. For helpful materials, you can check out the Partner Betrayal Trauma bookand workbook since these will provide validation and guidance on this matter as well. www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-workbook/