How empathy works - and sympathy can't

We can often get confused when we're trying to help somebody out of a tight spot... and can end up getting involved in a rescue attempt out of pity. Empathy allows us to help without diminishing the other person... in fact empathic responses from us help the other person to build self-sufficiency and confidence as they get to grips with their situation and options.

[@roxymcrae4645]

This is really quite simple... Empathy= feeling someones feelings, whether you have experienced yourself is irrelevant, whether you do something to help is irrelevant. The point is simply that you have the ability to FEEL someone else's feeling (positive and negative feelings) Sympathy= feeling sorrow because someone is hurting, or in a difficult/painful situation. Regardless whether you help them or not or have been in a similar situation or not, you feel your own sadness for their pain. E.g I feel in my heart a pain (empathy) for my neighbour who has been evicted and is struggling to find a home, but i don't feel sorry (sympathy) for her as she probably shouldn't have broken all the windows and spray painted on the walls.

[@paulfurey4122]

Kind of... in the case of empathy I might feel a bit of or a lot of what your going through...but it's not necessary... I could feel irritated that you got yourself into the same mess AGAIN (!) but still be conscious enough of what's doing on and to want to assist by simply using my recall or imagination to think myself into your situation (because I know that it will probs help you and perhaps even me to stop feeling so irritated...and therefore more able to apply my mind to your predicament

[@novelcoronaheads]

Sympathy doesnt always mean feeling sad and someone hurting is not always a part of the equation...Sympathy means to agree...Its the (feeling) you get right (before) you make a decision to join or provide help or assistance wherever you feel its needed or speak in favor of someone or something or align yourself in correspondence with someone or something...When a person place or thing that you sympathize with is hurt or in trouble it bothers you...Whether you intervene directly or not is another subject...

[@roxymcrae4645]

@@novelcoronaheads I'm sorry but sympathy does no means to agree.... "My friends Dad died in a car accident, I have so much sympathy for his family" does not translate to.... I have so much agreement for his family. Sympathy literally means to feel sorrow or distress, so "sad" may have been not quite the right word but the premise is the same... But then you basically repeated me 😊 "When a person is feeling hurt or in trouble it bothers you, whether you intervene directly or not is another subject"

[@roxymcrae4645]

@@paulfurey4122 maybe 🤔 I personally think that irritation is its own feeling irrelevant to empathy... You could have empathy for someone while being pissed off by them, you could have empathy for someone while feeling happy also (this is probably reserved for psychopaths tho😊)

[@joshclark44]

Yes and this video poorly explains that. Also there's apathy where you don't care at all

[@jeremyreonason166]

Why must everyone have a different definition and explanation for each of these?

[@brandonyafanaro9710]

Exactly , it’s because people use being an empath as feeling other people’s feelings and that’s just a social term. Not by definition. Sympathy is feeling the same. Empathy is understand the other persons feelings without feeling them as well.

[@yusufkhan-ig7dv]

@@brandonyafanaro9710 I thought it was the opposite! kzbin.info/www/bejne/gmrPi4Kuo66nea8 This is really confusing lol

[@buildingemotionalintelligence]

I see its a year since your comment and I guess you were feeling confused and maybe wanting clarity in relation to empathy at the time? I am curious as to where your at now?

[@HighlySensitiveHealer]

Because there is a clear difference in definition of each of these terms lol. They’re way different

[@FureyPaul]

@@buildingemotionalintelligence haha good bit of empathy there!

[@cardinalfox0734]

I'd differentiate it like this: - Cognitive empathy: ablility to recognize someones emotions and the ability to understand why someone is feeling a certain way - affective empathy: ability to feel someones emotion WITH them - sympathetic empathy: a mix of both cognitive and affective. You recognize the emotion and feel the need to help them out of negative emotions. You offer support because you understand and feel their emotions. I myself lack everything but cognitive empathy. I understand emotions and their causes, but never have felt someone elses emotions or have had the urge to actually console someone who is having a difficult time. I still try to help those people i like alot because i dont want to be seen as a bad person, but in truth i dont actually do it because i feel like it

[@Cowface]

That’s really only cognitive empathy. True empathy is when you grab some gear, climb down into the pit of despair, and offer to help them get out

[@FureyPaul]

Nope - that’s just rescue… in life or death physical situations that is obvs the right thing to do…

[@YUSUFFAWWAZBINFADHLULLAHMoe]

That’s compassion… you help them get out of the pit, but they’ll never learn much from it. Giving them hope and the willpower to do it themselves will end up better for both of you.

[@jaws392]

@@FureyPaulEmpathy is for emotional losers who want to find good in all humans. Nope. Sorry! Humans are horrible people. Please tell me why I should be empathetic to a child molester?

[@luceatlux7087]

You're earning barely enough to pay your most essential bills, working for people who are exploiting you and all your time to the absolute max, and who have literally billions of dollars to your every one... Figure your way to equality [*on your own]. The truth is that BOTH qualities are important. It's about how you EXPRESS (manifest) your sympathy and not about the fact that you shouldn't have any at all. Saying that one should haver no sympathy is a very shortsighted and overgeneralized perspective. (and there are many even much worse situations where one just can;t be given simple advice to pull themselves out.)

[@crowknee7121]

Very well said!

[@jackpotgpt]

This video really helped understand empathy. It took a while for it to click but I talk my journey to be empathetic on my KZbin channel. I’m not there yet but I have a long way to go

[@PaperClipFlip]

Found this very enlightening, thank you!! 😊

[@paulfurey4122]

Oh good. I'm pleased. Did my PhD. research on this very topic!

[@AtamMardes]

"Human beings are members of a whole; In creation of one essence and soul; If one member is afflicted with pain; Other members uneasy will remain; If you have no sympathy for human pain; The name of human you cannot retain." Saadi Shirazi

[@rosetheserpent]

My hand doesn’t suffer because I stubbed my toe nor do I lose vision, because my nose is stuffed. As above so below. Empathy is fear function it is something activated in the basal ganglia in a response to potential unpleasant and or threatening events or stimuli. For example if I see someone chop off his finger while using a particularly sharp knife I might feel a hollow or sinking sensation in my gut, cold sweats, and/ or accompanied by sudden flushing itchiness, and a racing heart. I do not mistake this for the other persons experience there pain is there own it doesn’t effect me. The body was merely attaching the memory of the event with a painful experience because that will be easily recalled if I ever use the knife. Most everybody has this form of empathy hard wired in there brain and attach it to a learned and cognitive empathy which is what a psychopath has to rely thus development of it is prioritized in the brain for survival. Because a psychopath generally lacks the fully functional inhibitory pathways in the brain having to do with fear reaction and reward or relief. Normies therefore lack empathy and a backbone and are deluded and irrational.

[@8bit_paul]

1:20 All good, except for "it's not your fault" belongs in empathy IMO, as that's constructive and allows someone to let go of the self-blame and become unstuck from established patterns.

[@FureyPaul]

To state that it’s not someone’s fault is to suggest that any blame needs to pointed at anyone at all… “we’ll if it’s not my fault then whose fault is it?!”

[@FureyPaul]

@@thisguyhere1 yes sounds very sensible

[@Karen-pl8kd]

What if it is truly their fault

[@unknowntbd]

2:30 only empathy has the power to get someone up and running again

[@lifeobstacles]

Narration and animation really goes well and amusing to watch ❤

[@CXCMathClasses]

Why does this not have more views? lol

[@novelcoronaheads]

Because its misleading...empathy loves company like misery...Sympathy is what leads to a solution...Empathy breeds pride in bad things...If you fall and break a leg...Sympathy leads one to help out without knowing how it happened...Empathy may lead one to say been there done that...

[@FureyPaul]

@@novelcoronaheads quite the reverse my friend. Everything you said there is the problem with sympathy. Thanks for contributing to the conversation though 😀

[@ChineseDude-ho9dg]

So how does the dog cross it?

[@scotthullinger4684]

Empathy leads to correct action regarding others ... whereas sympathy often does NO such thing.

[@nala3038]

I think crying is our purest form of empathy. Boys are taught not to cry, so we stop doing it. We're told to stop crying about our own pain and the pain of others, often animals, when we're little. So we eventually stop crying about the pain of others unless they die. We are taught to bury our empathy.

[@HappyMomma412]

Wow! What an insight!

[@as-above-so-below-]

"Stop being so sensitive" yeah, I guess we'll just stop being emotionally motivated to masculine things like protect and serve the people around us. We'll just have to start doing things for our own benefit instead of doing acts out of bravery and passion. Plenty of high performance Athletes are extremely emotional people. I wonder how they managed to get to the top by being apathetic and cold all the time. Having innate and intense feelings of responsibility to their teams and present/previous coaching staff might have had something to do with it but I guess breaking down in tears in the locker room while you tell everyone how much you love them all isn't manly and mature behavior. From tears of compassion, reckoning, justice, and loyalty are born. Those are emotions that drive what we consider to be ethical.

[@junehansen9749]

crying has nothing to do with empathy. crying comes out off despare, not empathy.

[@as-above-so-below-]

@@junehansen9749 I Don't think you quite get what affective empathy is or sympathy for that matter. They're not singular emotions, they are an entire complex of emotions and despair is most definitely not excluded from empathetic and sympathetic response. That's like saying "that's not fear, that's just anxiety" as if fear didn't cover and build off of a wide range of more simple emotions. Empathy is an umbrella term and a system built on systems and the whole debate between what empathy is and what it isn't is fruitless considering a large portion of the population are unaware that they don't even experience it. Things like empathy are where empirical science starts to leave off and other conceptual expressions step in.

[@roxymcrae4645]

I don't think crying shows that you can feel someone's pain (empathy)... crying shows that you feel sorry for their pain (sympathy)?

[@Bill0102]

I'm spellbound by this. I read a book with similar content, and I was absolutely spellbound. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

[@drewmartin804]

Simple wisdom but I get in situations like this and I think I yield to the impulse to help them with my own ideas rather than the Holy Spirit asking and discerning where they are at and then bring a heart of empathy. Just want to fix them.

[@buskingkarma2503]

I'm autistic so empathy really doesn't always come easy,and I can often get led into all kinds of trouble by following my heart/sympathy! Kinda why I'm here lol

[@millerrepin4452]

I would say don't worry but that's going to be a problem for the rest of your life lol.

[@nathanly2878]

I find your predicament relatable, and being in that situation must be tough, confusing, and full of challenges. Viola, that is an example of empathy - remember how it makes you feel and how it was done.

[@JulianRodriguez-bt6kc]

Dude same. I’m autistic as well and I have no damn clue what the difference is

[@paulfurey4122]

(well done). Yup. You'll have to find workarounds and get good at looking for clues since you don't have the luxury of the emotional connection of dots that comes easy to some of the rest of us. When I can't tell how someone is feeling i tell them just that: "I'm trying to figure out how you're feeling about this... I suspect it's not great but I can't actually tell..."

[@studsheep]

sympathy = you acknowledge the pain and you might offer help empathy = you feel the pain and you're likely to offer help apathy = didn't ask + don't care sociopath = you acknowledge the pain and you're happy that they're suffering

[@BlossomField91]

I understand empathy as being able to imagine oneself in another person's shoes, sympathy is looking at another person in those shoes and thinking "oh that must be terrible, poor you." I think a good example is probably gender. I think people, generally, empathize best with their own gender, but less so with the opposite gender. It's a problem in gender politics (when discussing issues like feminism or men's rights), heterosexual dating, etc. I can honestly admit, as a woman, I have a hard time empathising with men on many issues, whereas other men can. Men often can't empathise with women, I'd argue they're even less able to do it than vice versa.

[@mihrdat]

amazing video, thanks for explaining the difference

[@FureyPaul]

My pleasure

[@FureyPaul]

My pleasure

[@ReyPeon]

Why all the videos about these topics are always around negative emotions and situations?

[@FureyPaul]

Yes you’re right. I guess, in this case it’s because those are the ones that people find the most difficult to handle. I do get your point though… it’s really important to pay attention to positive feelings in others as well… such as when they have a success and are trying to share it with us. It can be demoralising when someone doesn’t ‘get’ just how pleased/relieved/proud we are and why.

[@roxymcrae4645]

I'm curious... What positive situation do you think would involve sympathy please 😊

[@StichSquirt]

When i was young my dad minimized. Just about any problem i may of been going through you know some one else always has it worse I think maybe that's were i first began to be empathetic to feel others pain because of what he said last 5years i guit listening to thst tape in head minimizing my emotions im just as important an good as any one else ill tell you one thing most of tgese tarto readersdont have a inch of empathy or sympathy. The things

[@Eforero83]

And here I thought that: Empathy was ACTUALLY FEELING what another was feeling, both good or bad feelings. Often times, with the latter, it leads one wanting to lessen the bad feelings in another in some way (because you are hurting along with them). While sympathy is about UNDERSTANDING their feelings or situation, and why another may be hurting. IF there is any motivation to help the hurt person out, it's more likely from an intellectual or compassionate point of view. Silly me!

[@paulfurey4122]

Not silly at all. You had both concepts perfectly - just with labels swapped! It really doesn't matter what we call them, it only matters when and why we do them.

[@MasterChimOfficial]

Great video. Succinct and spot on.

[@kerriemarks6596]

It finally makes sense!

[@FureyPaul]

Haha cool. So pleased - I’ll let Sticky and Chip know too.

[@Cricket_Fanz7]

Fantastic explanation😊

[@HighlySensitiveHealer]

This was a great video! Thank you so much for posting it.

[@FureyPaul]

My pleasure. Wrote my doctoral thesis on empathy… this is a much easier ‘read’!

[@HighlySensitiveHealer]

@@FureyPaul that’s awesome! Thank you for the reply. Are empaths a real thing?

[@FureyPaul]

Thank you!

[@MagdalenaBelcescu]

The dogs deceased isn't available anymore...

[@joannastoeva906]

Easy empathy is emotions logic is narcissism don't worry 99% of people have both, but more empathy

[@volhayeutukh9176]

Not quite right. There is nothing wrong in feeling pity for themselves when the situation is horrible. It is the right of the victim to feel sorry for themselves. That is why they are the victims. There is no really difference between sympathy or empathy. It is more or less the same. The right thing to do is to express empathy/sympathy, give help and encouragement. And I would say, the other side is obliged to give help and learn to feel with the person. Otherwise, go away.

[@decademansi2002]

Thanx it help me for my project😮

[@King_0f_Corinth]

Good, great.

[@HexoseMonophosphateCunt]

Basically entire course of psychologists and how therapists work in a nutshell.

[@paulfurey4122]

Exactly!

[@StichSquirt]

I listened to this two times i really don't remember the last time ive ever been shown either always the strongest one for everyone else except when patronized an pet me like a fucken dog asking if ok. To know better to say im ok ot fine cause if not they Walk away sh and don't give a shit no victim truth. Only

[@princealmighty5391]

How about both sympathy and empathy

[@ryanparra1635]

Great video man i hope this was in Spanish but hey we will make due

[@iblamedesnake]

woah wait so therye not the same word?

[@joannastoeva906]

Simply said

[@mud6866]

I think this is a misinterpretation..... sympathy is THINKING you know how someone else feels because you yourself feel bad seeing them. So you become tactless and add onto the other's despair. Not helping. Empathy is already, actually, knowing how that person feels, but you are already moved on from those bad experiences, so you have hindsight and can better understand their feelings and therefore offer real consolation, real help. You are missing half of the definition.

[@human7491]

No. Sympathy is feeling responsible of their feelings, thinking that you HAVE to solve their problem. Empathy is BEING there with them, offering your presence and understanding.

[@mud6866]

@@human7491 so, everything I just said. ok

[@novelcoronaheads]

Sympathy is when you feel the need to help a person or thing in distress or you are in a state of agreement..Empathy is thinking you understand everything about why and how someone feels but not necessarily willing to help...Empathy might even make one less inclined to help others...

[@offchan]

Your definition of empathy is still wrong. You don't need any hindsight or even similar experiences in your life to empathize with someone at all. Empathy is not about thinking that you know how someone feels just because you have similar life experiences. Thinking that you know how they feel is always a bad assumption to have because everyone has different feelings even on the same experience. Empathy is about being curious to truly understand what someone actually feels and demonstrate it by vocalizing their feeling out loud. It's a loop of asking questions, demonstrating your understanding, and letting them correct you, until you truly understand the nuance.

[@offchan]

You see, empathy is a difficult subject. Even people get definitions wrong all the time, no wonder why empathy is a rare skill. There are 2 components to empathy: 1. perspective taking: see the world through someone's eyes 2. non-judgemental expression: tell them how the world looks like through their eyes as accurate and neutral as you can, without judgment Most people think they can do 1 but completely neglect 2. By neglecting 2, it cause them to do 1 poorly also because you can't understand someone more if you don't express your understanding and let them correct you.

[@annadushenkina3512]

Why are some definitions like this and other ones other way round? What is going on? Why can't humanity just agree on what words mean? 😮

[@paulfurey4122]

You're so right. Main thing is that we care for each other. Doesn't really matter what it's called.

[@annadushenkina3512]

@@paulfurey4122 Well, the video is making a point that it does matter. It also does matter how we help and if what we offer is helpfull.

[@Mara.Isabelle]

what’s wrong with acknowledging that you’re a victim. every self improvement video I’ve watched condemns this “ victim mindset”. I genuinely think it’s healthy to admit you have been a victim of something & then move through healing instead of trying to run from the word or feeling.

[@davidcrawford9026]

They're all rape applogists

[@ibramshafey7333]

Thx

[@natetete1379]

Empathy is how you make someone feel better in the moment sympathy is how you fix a problem always choose sympathy

[@TurkeyJoe]

Ah...think you have things a bit back to front there.

[@novelcoronaheads]

Empathy-Well I came from a poor family too and im successful now...Those people are just lazy...Thats why they are still poor...Sympathy-Well I dont know everything about their situation but if its any way I can help out let me know...I wont assume I understand their situation...

[@ATLIEN333]

WHAT? You have it in reverse..

[@novelcoronaheads]

@@ATLIEN333 Are you feeling well today...If so then maybe you should revise empathy vs sympathy again for yourself...Me personally I prefer sympathy from others...Empaths are manipulative people from my experience...

[@novelcoronaheads]

Read the comments...Look how many people get this confused...

[@ATLIEN333]

@@novelcoronaheads Nutter

[@offchan]

"Empathy-Well I came from a poor family too and im successful now...Those people are just lazy...Thats why they are still poor.." That's not empathy. That's judgmental assumption but empathy is actually non-judgmental. What you said is "your perspective" and not "their perspective". What you are doing is simply asserting your position, opposite from empathy in everyway. You understand that they are poor from your perspective but you do not understand why they are poor from their perspective. If you are going to empathize with them, you will have to show what they think e.g. "they feel that it's almost impossible to be rich" or "they don't feel confident in pursuing success", etc. Your statement doesn't contain their thought at all, it's just your thought so it's not empathy. And most importantly, you can't know what they actually think unless you ask them.

[@Hyperdriveuk]

very obscure and low resolution take on both words.

[@davidcrawford9026]

What you really need is to empower victims and do t stand in the way of their justice

[@76Terrell]

Disgusting neoliberal victim blaming. For anyone interested in how the exclusionary function of empathy as a filter of human social understanding is damaging the ways we research and relate to those who are neurodiverse, I strongly recommend reading the philosopher Erin Manning's essay titled Not at a Distance, on Touch, Synaesthesia, and other ways of knowing

[@TDHofstetter]

Both are physically impossible.

[@RetroWrathX13B]

Life hack #1: Have neither

[@Ravenelvenlady]

Yeah, be a psycopath.

[@AVinas-hi8sx]

Complete nonsense. Look up the definition of sympathy: it’s when two people have the exact same feeling caused by a shared experience. If a child dies, their parents grieve deeply, and they sympathize with each other because they both experienced the same loss. People outside their family may empathize with their loss but they can’t feel the same emotions as them. Why is the same false narrative repeated in so many places?

[@novelcoronaheads]

You almost got it right...Sympathy doesnt have to be caused by a shared experience...If I feel bad about seeing others lose a child(thats sympathy)..It doesnt require any deep understanding about the situation...Shared experiences are empathic triggers..which in many cases may actually deter help because some people(empathy seekers) like to see others suffer the way they have...

[@offchan]

Let's say you see a homeless guy on the street, you sympathize by feeling that it's a terrible situation to be in, you started to cry also. But later you ask the homeless guy and he said he likes being homeless. So in a way you sympathize but not empathize because you don't understand his true feeling.

[@davidhjedwy]

empathy is the downfall of global society. it is impossible to help everyone

[@AWayOfLiving84]

🫨

[@joannastoeva906]

Ok cats most of them are narcistic most of dogs are empaths

[@studsheep]

false, cats can also feel human pain

[@Happy23913]

This is incorrect. Empathy you identify, feel, and help. Example Jesus Christ, a Sigma Empath

[@busisiwemamba5806]

Please write

[@FureyPaul]

Thinking about it! Thanks

[@FureyPaul]

Thinking about it! Thanks

[@ilearnedsomethingnewtoday6193]

They are both flawed concepts

[@AvitalR88]

Not much agreeing, i have a better video. Emathy are much more helping and feeling with u and sympathy its more logic and "cold place" like with less emotions in it.

[@SMCwasTaken]

Bro thinks the world is all happiness rainbows

[@TheRealLachlan]

i dont get it