How Every Enneagram Type Manipulates Others

[@raina4732]

1- nit picking 2- guilt tripping 3- bragging 4- emotional performance 5- ignoring 6- testing 7- changing subject 8- conducting 9- checking out Great video! I’m a 4 I think, I tend to check out mentally/ emotionally and then physically like a 9 when I don’t care about the relationship, but when I DO care about the relationship, I get a huge well of emotion and often cry or get very emotionally intense and I didn’t realize that was a form of manipulation until now. My husband is an 8, he isn’t scared or shocked by my emotions. As an 8 he doesn’t really manipulate, he is SO direct. I call him the conductor when he’s stressed, he conducts people as if we are an orchestra, or like a traffic cop trying to direct everyone around him. But he is also aware of it and tries not to do it. His mom is a 1, she is the stereotypical mother-in-law. She will literally follow me around as I’m cleaning and comment and correct every little thing I do! I end up getting so upset I storm off and she’s like “huh what’s wrong what did I do?” It’s the worst. My mom is a 2, I was guilt tripped into infinity as a child! I couldn’t be myself and had to hold back every emotion because she saw my sadness or upset moods as me not appreciating her enough. She took everything personally. I love my 8 husband, the first person in the world who could handle my emotions and reads my body language and is not threatened or scared by me at all, I can truly be myself. My best friend is a 7, she hates when people “bum her out” with too much negative stuff. She’s super funny and I can be my happiest self with her. 7s are the best people to travel with!! You will have so much fun and be laughing the whole trip. ❤ Take care and stay blessed Dr. Tom!

[@Hayyamhikari]

wow you r just like me I am 4 my hubby is e8 Mai mother in law is e1 my mother is e2 but Mai son is e7 n my best friend he makes me happy n my husband is veryyyy understanding loving husband too

[@livingdiystyle]

I think 5's have the ability to manipulate people by "helping" someone to understand without a word that their presence is most certainly unwelcome when the 5 does not want to be intruded upon. This can be accomplished with giving one word answers, little to no feedback, no eye contact, body language or ignoring. In a nutshell, they manipulate people into leaving them alone when they want to be alone.

[@josiesmith1295]

I wish I could love this comment. Spot on analysis!

[@TaengScience]

LOL true

[@engyhamdy]

Yes! Excellent analysis

[@Duke-l6u]

My dad is a five and does this big time

[@ShaunBennetFauntleroy]

Yep. I absolutely do this.

[@ShaunBennetFauntleroy]

5 here. I tend to manipulate others by overwhelming them with facts. I try very hard not to do that because it makes me feel like a bully. I think, deep down, I'm trying to hurry up and end the disagreement, negotiation, etc. because the interaction is draining and I just want it quickly over and done with.

[@cynthiaybarra7317]

"You have the right to own your own life." Thanks Dr. Tom, that really resonated today. I'm a 9w1 and I need to embrace my 8 wing more. I can stand up for other people, but not usually for myself, but I'm getting there. I really enjoy your content, thanks for all your work!

[@twlahue]

Wonderful!

[@darkphoenix6807]

A video I’d love you to do would be how to respond when each type tries to manipulate you.

[@joellenlevitre2590]

I believe I'm a 9, and what I need is for everyone to feel okay, so I can just float and not have conflict. I'd say that I manipulate by withholding the truth about what I feel/think/need, in order to not to stir things up. It's true that it often leaks out anyway and that's when it's "passive aggression". Sometimes though, I'm unsettled myself about an "elephant in the room", and then I'm likely to insist that everyone should be aware of it. That's when I'm actually aggressive and likely to bluntly bust egos.

[@calmingbabysleep1256]

Me

[@createveryday1]

I'm type 1, but I don't relate to the dishwasher trope. I think if someone is helpful enough to take the time to do the dishes, then that person should get to do it the way that makes sense to them. But do I have a hard time accepting lower standards with things that are important to me... absolutely. And I can't change that about myself. But what does really help is reminding myself that I don't have the right to demand that other people have the same standards that I do. Instead, I get to make choices with how I use my own time and energy to achieve what is most important to me. I can share what is important to me and ask for help, but it's up to the other person to choose what they do or don't want to do.

[@joedoe8558]

1w9?

[@alisaannwalsh6231]

I’m a 1 and I agree with this. I think it is healthy to direct our standards to ourselves if we feel inclined instead of putting them on others. Otherwise this can harm others - especially children. As the years have passed I have tried to lower the standards for myself as well. We will always see a higher ideal and to just accept things is a better route. But I agree about the dishwasher. We all have our different things that we want to perfect. With the dishwasher - I just wash and dry and put away on the spot and don’t ask for help. For me it is just easier. Maybe I could let this go too. We are all growing. Awareness is the key. 😊

[@marieschmidt9416]

Good view on the enneagram. As a #1 can say "yes", I do impose my standards on others and I am ashamed that I catch myself doing that.

[@samgl7675]

4 & 7 are so different yet so similar! Manipulation styles are both making their mood other people's problems / creating an uncomfortable emotional ambiance

[@bd6786]

6w5 - I test “suspicious” or “inconsistent” people with questions I’ve specifically worded or communicated in a way that’s intended to not be leading or tip them off that they’re being scrutinized. When I’m in any kind of good faith relationship with someone I try to be open and not to do this, but when I have little trust/respect for them to begin with it’s extremely hard for me to find the same motivation to give them a chance.

[@josiesmith1295]

To add to the type 5 manipulation one. When I withdraw it may be to manipulate by dictionary definition,but my purpose for manipulating them is to protect myself. If I feel pushed,threatened,intruded on,etc I'll withdraw because its the only way I know to protect myself from what's happening that's hurting me or uncomfortable to me. I'm not sure the detachment fits under general manipulation because it doesnt feel like I have a choice. I'm almost being forced to do it. Whereas the things like withholding information or being warm and friendly I definitely use to manipulate people to do what I want or get what I want and its intentional at least to some degree. Usually what I want is simply to be left alone. I just can't lump detachment into the same category as the others. To me they are a choice,but detachment isn't a choice. It is a survival technique. If that makes any sense.

[@bluecrystalwolfqueen9268]

As a type 5 I completely agree. Withdrawal is when I'm overwhelmed and feel threatened, especially when I assume that there is no other way to escape the claustrophobia of others' expectations, boundary violations, and generally their energy. If you really wanted to manipulate someone, withdrawal would be a terrible way to get others to do what you want, because it's usually perceived as negative and puts others in an untrusting state. To manipulate others effectively would require some level of trust or some kind of disarming effect, so a type 5 would be more likely to observe others' emotional weaknesses, and then put on some act and say the right scripts and do actions strategically to get the other person to feel seen in the way they want to be seen. Then when the 5 has what they want they would just stop giving that person attention or say some vague things and find a reason to break off the interactions/relationship and never resume it. And of course, this would be a very unhealthy and mercenary type 5 using their strength of observation for evil instead of good and being in a scarcity mindset, operating from their primary sin of avarice/stinginess. Instead of seeing life as full of resources and opportunities they would see life as lacking in resources and opportunities -- it's like, "other people are competing with me for resources, I need those things to survive and feel safe, but since I can't get them myself because I don't yet have the skill, I need to get other people to give me some of their resources; BUT I can't cooperate or ask for help in an honest way, because that would be humiliating to admit a lack of incompetence." A healthy 5 wouldn't resort to such underhanded tactics because they'd be more competent at getting what they need through cooperation or independence.

[@er6730]

I'm not sure that it's very different from how the other types feel about it. Like, I am a 7 and conflict and discord and disapproval HURTS, so let's change the subject so we don't have to do that. A 4 might not know how to ease up on the big feelings, they just come out. An 8 might see chaos and feel compelled to step in and clean it up. Do you see a difference? My view is that most people aren't steepling their fingers and enacting a devious scheme when they manipulate others. It's mostly a scramble to avoid the bad feelings. I'll admit that I'm biased, being married to an unhealthy 5 who makes it very clear that he doesn't like to spend time with me, doesn't like to spend time with the kids, and yet with his words he says he loves us and he thinks he is a loyal partner and dedicated father, who just needs more alone time. I see his giving us the cold shoulder as manipulation, 100%. He is making it more pleasant for us to avoid him than to engage with him. This results in an unfair distribution of parenting and every kind of work because he makes the price for asking for help very high. (Maybe he'll be mad and point out every mistake that led to needing help, maybe he'll sigh and be an Eeyore while doing it, maybe he'll say that it's not important to him so it's not his problem) He doesn't see it as manipulation, and if the children choose to not "interrupt" him and always talk to me instead, I don't think he sees it as the result of his damaging their relationship. He thinks it's that he's insisting on good manners, or boundaries, or something. My feeling on this is that his idea of good boundaries is appropriate for a relationship like "good neighbour" or "friendly coworker", but completely wrong for "my wife" and "my children".

[@shaunhardie]

Thanks for talking about manipulation. As a 7, I can definitely relate to distracting and escaping when my plans are frustrated. I don't know how many times I had to catch myself from jumping out of a job because I wasn't getting what i wanted. Or when things weren't working out, going to video games to stop wanting whatever I thought was so important in those seasons. It hurts to be honest about our motivations but it's freeing at the same time.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@cathymwikali2482]

I am a 5 and I agree with you what you say about our manipulation style especially becoming friendly to get something from someone especially to get some information we really need.

[@calmingbabysleep1256]

My mom

[@martinhaimerl8632]

Thank you for addressing this topic and providing your insights. I like to add a few points. Regarding type 6: For sure, achieving trust is a big topic and 6s may target at this by manipulation. In this case, 6s try to induce trust, in a certain way. This relates to the phobic side. They may also go the other way round and try to induce doubt. For example, they can emphasize a lot what can get wrong and try to get others focused on this … until they change their behavior. On the counterphobic side, they can also try to induce fear. I think that could be thought of as a quite common way of manipulation. Regarding type 7: In addition to your examples, they may intentionally emphasize their excitement in order to get something they want. This follows the motto: “You are so boring. How can you dare to not be excited about this?” Or they can simply try to be so enthusiastic, that they think everyone else will follow. What, do you think as a 7? In general, I would say that all of the types can follow the axes they best know. For 6s this is the axis doubt - trust or also security - fear, for 7s this may be excitement - boredom / sadness. In this regards, they can go this axes in both directions, as it can be seen in the examples for 6s and 7s. I think, this also applies to the other types. For example, 2’s may induce a feeling that you need to help them (as mentioned in the video). On the other side, they can be overly helpful in order to demonstrate what others should do to them. In general, all of the types can have this tendency. They can overemphasize their own behavior in order to demonstrate very clearly what others should do to them … and this can be used at times, in a quite manipulative way.

[@engyhamdy]

Spot on 👍 especially type 6. Thanks for sharing

[@er6730]

As a 7, I completely agree that it's a normal tactic to amp up my enthusiasm for something in the hopes that others will also get enthusiastic about it. I hadn't ever thought about it as manipulation (certainly didn't think that I was framing the other person as boring) but I can totally see how it could be taken like that. I don't know how to make people do things they don't want to do. No idea how 8s and 1s and 2s do that! I can usually influence people to my side if they already kind of want to, though. As a kid and teenager, I learned that my way isn't always best, though. I remember convincing my cousin that there was a definite loophole in her parents rules so that we could go somewhere I wanted to go, and she got in SO MUCH trouble. I felt very guilty. I never know how to talk to people about parenting. I don't really do punishments and I also don't have much tolerance for bad behaviour. I have good kids and I don't really know why. They're definitely not "easy" kids, but I like them, they like me, and sometimes I freak out at them if they cross the line or I'm too overwhelmed, but mostly life is and has been punishment-free, sticker-chart-free, and we don't really have conflicts. I don't mind negotiation, or things not going the way I planned, mostly because I didn't really have a plan, lol. And yet I am pretty strict and unbending in a few ways. But because the kids are on the same page, we discuss things and come up with a win-win solution almost all the time. I don't really know how or why. My guess is that my kids are 7/8, 4/6, and 1/5. (Hard to tell with the younger ones, but pretty sure the oldest is a 7) My 5 husband has told me that I manipulate the kids, but, like... I don't see it like that. If I say "you can walk to the car or I can gallop you over" to a toddler, yes I'm avoiding a fight because I'm happy with either option plus the toddler is happy because he got to choose, is that manipulative? Or if I tell my teenager that I don't know what are reasonable limits for phone use, this is all new and has no parallel from when I was a kid, but I'm setting this limit because of these reasons and hoping for the best but maybe I'm wrong and when he has kids he'll do it differently, and then he says "okay what you're saying makes sense, but because of these other reasons I think the limit should be this other thing" and I say "that makes sense, too. We'll try my plan during the week and your way on the weekends and see how it goes" and then my husband sees that I set the limit to be stricter on purpose so that I could give concessions... Is that manipulative? Maybe. I'm not doing it with the intent to harm, and it seems to be going well. I'm the parent, I'm in charge, but why rub it in their faces all the time? Is manipulation always bad?

[@martinhaimerl8632]

These are really good questions and I am not sure if I can answer them, in a suitable way. But I’ll try. I have to say that I am just offering from my perspective and I am not an expert in this field. First of all, providing enthusiasm is surely not manipulation, in general. Instead, this is a great gift, that 7s bring into a community. It helps to bring joy into a family, to start inspiring activities, to deal with difficult situations, to lighten up the mood in these cases, etc. However, I think it can get manipulative in some situations. First of all, this can be the case when a basically positive trait is exaggerated. We have to be careful, because other enneagram types may have a rather different impression about this. For them, it may feel overwhelming, e.g. when they are not in the right mood to follow your positively oriented attitude. Too much positivity may overlook important feelings other persons have. It may even be the case, that your positivity devalues other people, in some way. This may also apply to your negotiating and reframing approach when dealing with conflicts. On the one hand, this again is a very important trait. As a parent myself, I know how helpful (but sometimes also how difficult) this can be. On the other hand, some other persons / enneagram types may be much more focused on other aspects, e.g. consistency, in these discussions. They may even feel assaulted, if proposals are not kept but reframed, in a somehow arbitrary way (from their perspective). They may fear, that this goes on and on to a point, where certain rules cannot be maintained anymore. For them, consistency and reliability are the crucial points and this may be challenged, by your approach. At the end, it is a matter of the different perspectives the different people have. And it is a matter of the right balance between them. For my perspective, manipulation especially starts when we are using our (otherwise positive) traits to pursue our own agenda. And probably, we do this much more often than we recognize this - in particular, when we are in stress. It may be the case, that you basically see the positive outcome and relationship to your kids as the benefit for all sides. And this often may be the case. However, we easily overlook that this is not always the case. As already mentioned, other persons may have different moods, perspectives, etc. This may apply to your children and this may apply to other persons, in your environment, e.g. your husband. As a side node, this probably will be even more important when the kids get older. They need to be more and more independent of your approaches and find their own way. They may be substantially more averse to your manipulation. In younger years, they may get along with this more easily. In general, we have to be careful, since we have our blind spots. The statements from your husband may be an indication that you (sometimes) go to far. Thus, it may make sense to look into this carefully. It can be a gift to have other people which provide valuable feedback. But, I am just guessing, here. I think, it is a very good starting point that we are aware about such potential issues. This helps us to not get stuck in our traits and see negative implications as well. Finding the perfect balance will not always be possible. We are just humans. But, we can find an appropriate level of balance - for us and for our environment. In this sense, some level of “manipulation” can be appropriate, from my perspective. I hope, that this is helpful for you. But as I mentioned, I am not an expert in this field. I am just sharing my personal impressions about this.

[@er6730]

@@martinhaimerl8632 That is a very thoughtful reply. Thank you, it gives me a lot to think about. I think you are right about the enthusiastic/flexible approach seeming arbitrary and overwhelming to certain members of the family. I hadn't thought of it like that, that it would seem arbitrary or random, rather than just different paths to the same goal. Although I certainly noticed the negative reaction, I didn't quite understand why. It seemed to come out of nowhere.

[@seabeejg]

8 here. I have an inner moral compass or realization of what the truth is, so I feel a sense of duty to be honest and not take part in manipulation tactics. Though I do reserve them for bullies and criminals, which include cops and any other government "officials" whom I deem well-deserving of it. If you pass false judgement upon me, manipulate the facts, claim to have rulership over anyone, hurt, or threaten or coerce me or those close to me/those who can't fight back; then I will use whatever manipulative tactics I have at my disposal. And that's just the beginning.

[@auntieb3621]

I just don't have the same radar system that you do..... Hit me hard!!! Very well said!!! Thank you man ❤

[@twlahue]

I'm glad you found it helpful! Everyone has their own unique perspective, and that's what makes our community so interesting.

[@mariamkokaia2093]

As a type 4 mostly I confirm ! :D and I can imagine how annoying and pathetic it might look like in the eyes of others :D But we are really hurt deep down when we use this drama-queen manipulation tactic. We just have to accept that sometimes it is a wrong strategy. Not everyone will put up with it.

[@BlahBlahEXISTENSIA]

Oh, my life regrets!! 😂😅

[@calmingbabysleep1256]

My ex

[@ivynyan]

the 5 8 and 2 were all things I have done :/ I have experience with 1 and 6 because parents. The information was good!

[@nuria.sakura]

I love your videos. I am a 2, and i know that manipulation is my worst trait T_T I try to take care of it, but, I know that even by saying "i try not to be manipulative" I am already trying to convince other people that i am a good person xD And I use it as a way to cover up for my flaws as well.... Sigh... its complicated, but knowing about the ennegram itself made it very clear for me! Thanks for your videos! ^^

[@twlahue]

Glad to help.

[@artsifam2761]

Good video! Keeping in mind that manipulation is a behavior which is intended to get a another person to think, act, or feel a certain way in order to benefit the manipulator's comfort, ego, or pleasure.... MORE WAYS TYPE 5 MANIPULATES 1. Overthink things, thereby becoming paralyzed into inaction, which would require others to pick up the slack. 2. Nit-pick technical things, such as grammar, spelling (or other objective knowledge/fact), even though they understand the intended meaning and result (which is essentially the same) in order to feel useful, intelligent, or be "right" by technical terms, through means of making others feel stupid or inadequate. 3. Isolating themselves, thereby becoming forgotten about, then complaining that no one cares about them or considers them (more a tendency for a 5w4 to get attention by guilt tripping others). 4. Complaining about their time, peace, or comfort being interrupted (think of the grumpy old curmudgeon), then turning around to complain when people leave them out or avoid them (danged if you do-danged if you don't). 5. Spewing facts which no one cares about, then making people feel stupid for not caring about the facts.

[@seamssewvintage]

I absolutely can see these in the fives in my life …

[@milah368]

Type 5: so accurate... But I contact the person days or weeks previous to get what I want, so it is not sudden. I rarerly do this because I prefer being upfront, but some family members just are radioactive and hurt my love ones, so since I haven't had the power to just cut them off I did it to have them on a good side. When I could, I just doorslammed them and just was formal in festivities. Manipulation is not good, for me is more like a survival process and if I don't activate it, I could loss more than if I just easily pull this trick.

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great information shared in this video. I agree about manipulation, negotiating and freedom.

[@ReneeRushing]

I am a five, and there is probably nothing I hate more than being manipulated, so, with all my faults (and there are many), manipulating others is not something I do--I go out of my way to ensure that I do nothing that will make others feel manipulated. So I don't relate to the five description at all. I never withdraw as a manipulation tactic, and I never come out of my shell in order to get what I want, so I'm wondering if that's just a me thing, or if fives in general are not inclined to manipulate.

[@twlahue]

I would say 5's in general are not manipulators.

[@therealcoolc]

Also a 5 and I agree. I absolutely hate being manipulated and it actually tends to trigger me into blowing up at the person for trying to do so. I can sniff out manipulation pretty quickly once something seems off.

[@MeBe35]

As a 5, I personally see very little point to manipulation unless I'm in a real sticky situation and it must be done for self preservation purposes. I'll find a way to get what I need without them and know God provides. It takes way too much energy to manipulate and put on a fake face. I have no idea how people do it, they must be constantly exhausted. Besides, why would anyone waste time being around people they have to manipulate? I'd rather be alone than surrounded by fake "friends".

[@freespirit12]

Type 6 here. I didn't realize that until this year that I test my partners as how loyal they are and If I can fully trust them. It sucks especially if 6 have history of partners who cheat. 😔

[@FloridaRaider]

Great topic.. very relevant when dealing with unhealthy people

[@MeBe35]

I've noticed that 8s manipulate by telling people about their problems and wait for those people to offer their assistance. This way they can always say that the other person offered and they didn't ask, denying that they're manipulative. If you don't offer your assistance, they might directly ask or become passive aggressive. They also manipulate others opinions about people subtly, hinting that the other person is a certain way in order to stay dominant in group settings. For example, they may passively or playfully mention that Sally has locked her keys in her car twice. This may seem insignificant but when it's said to an owner of a company who's looking for someone responsible to fulfil a role in the company, can make Sally appear forgetful and irresponsible. They do stuff like this in all their relationships, always needing to be in control of the dynamics. It's my opinion that it's in the 8's nature to manipulate, though normally they mean good by it. Just my observation 🤷

[@twlahue]

Thanks for shedding light on this, it's always cool to learn about different personality traits and behaviors.

[@coachmr.ice717]

Yay! Manipulation !🎉🎉🎉

[@worryingis4losers]

I’m a sx4w5. I’ve notice I’ve been an overly aggressive as a kid, trying to get my emotional needs met by shutting down others. it went away as I grew up. I also been told I’m only all to nice when I need something

[@twlahue]

Wow, that's quite a journey you've been on. Good on you for recognizing these traits in yourself!

[@DoriPe]

I'm a 9 and I fall for avoidance when I have a bad experience with a specific person - when they don't react well if I finally decide to speak up. The emotional effort to speak up is so high that if it goes bad - there's no second chances 😅 (of course I mean less important relationships) but i don't see how this is manipulation. I don't manipulate people to get what I want. I just avoid them or avoid a conflict situation. If they have a problem with me - they can speak up, Can't they?😂 I will say sorry and we move on 😄Sometimes, if I come to conclusion that another person is impolite or selfish in general - I become very verbal about that and disagree with them openly. So, i don't think nines are always as complaint as being described

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing this.

[@deanatalbot1085]

Im a 9- as a child i manipulated my sister(a 1) quite alot. She is a year older- i would get her to be my go between with our parents (I couldnt handle confrontation with them) im not proud of that. Eventually she told me where to get off thankfully. We shared a room so we took turns to switch off the light at night- sometimes i would just wait her out until she gave in & did the deed. Over the years ive developed a point of not trying to influence others generally, directly or covertly. When i go to passive aggressive though, its hard to budge even if im aware im going cold...confrontation is liberating though, just an ongoing challenge.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing this insight.

[@calmingbabysleep1256]

Me

[@michellebaker8970]

I attended a church in which the pastor was an unhealthy 1. This video resonates because in that church there was a right way and a wrong way to do everything. If a person disagreed with him on any doctrinal point, major or minor, or in some cases personal life choices (eg, how you school your children) there would be consequences (being preached at overtly from the pulpit, other forms of shaming, ostracism, even formal excommunication). He was right. In his own mind. Always. And then he would deny being this way. The spiritual manipulation and the gaslighting were unbearable. I didn’t realize that for a long time, as a result, I thought of God as an angry, unhealthy 1. Have you done videos about the enneagram and ministry? I think that could be illuminating for people who have experienced spiritual abuse at least partly because the pastor was ministering when at an unhealthy level for his or her enneagram type.

[@twlahue]

Great Idea

[@gordonchung158]

my ex- business partner is a 1 and I'm a 7, what you say echo so much. he is always in high moral ground and there is only one way of doing things - his way. In the end, i found things are not for my best interest and mistrust grew. I'm grateful it is over and I've regain my freedom. yes freedom is important for a 7 😅

[@nurtureulifecoaching3226]

I wasn’t sure what type my mom was until I listened to this. She must’ve been a 2!

[@auntieb3621]

Ugh ... I'm a 5. I'm so very much a 5. I have learned over time that my guess at attempting to read between these lines is just gross. I prefer being told what someone wants what they need and how they want it or need it. I'm literal, period. I struggle to understand when people speak in euphemisms and condescension. Just tell me what you want! That's what I do because otherwise it confuses me... Lol this was very very good

[@nevastrong2850]

My 18 yr old son, 6-5wing & hubby 7-8wing, load the dishwasher better than I, 1-9wing. I do get frustrated when they “play” w/ me & put dishes away in different drawers & cabinets. Buying more peelers hasn’t helped.😂😂

[@deanatalbot1085]

😂 - I see you're working on your integration to 7! Kudos

[@lemonchanisrandom1531]

I’m a 9 and this is exactly what’s happening I didn’t know I’m just to stressed out before I left I tried to explain

[@Antoinette14273]

Type 4. Are not loud drama queens like you portrayed. I think they are more dramatic Ice Queens/Kings and go cold and freeze out. There are subtle nuances to drama not over the top displays like you displayed which are childish and cartoonish. Silence and deep freeze are more likely to happen. Ice. Type 5. Yes guarded and distant but when they want something they will Fawn all over you. They will drop just enough breadcrumbs of interest and enthusiasm and then once they get what they want they will discard you like a narcissist and go back to being cool and distant. Lukewarm.

[@darkphoenix6807]

Type 4’s can be drama queens, it depends on whether they are self-preservation, social, or sexual subtypes. The social and sexual subtypes are very drama queen-like, whereas the SP likes to hide their emotions

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@RebeccaLStamm]

Yes I would say as a 4 and an adult, I relate more to what you said and, because we can relate on such deep levels in general to other’s emotions, we can wield other’s emotions on a fairly surreptitious level. 😬Not great, but I know when I was in an abusive marriage where I was gaslit all the time and manipulated I quickly learned how to manipulate on a pretty deep level almost without being noticed😓. Praise God though that He has broken those chains!!! I am a healthy 4 now that is not without sin but no longer feel the need to manipulate people and have become more of the authentic self I have yearned to be😌

[@alisaannwalsh6231]

I have found that a lower level of the 8 is to withdraw - which is their digressing arrow to a 5.

[@twlahue]

Yes

[@Lefty567]

I found you because i was looking for some sites that discussed..so you have manifested a lot and you feel that it s too overwhelming....so you are gonna screw it up?! What to do...I think Im a 5. I have to listen to more, thanks.

[@joedoe8558]

6s can create a group just to solve a problem they should have solved themselves. Much harder to fix then because then its team a vs team b instead of problem y. Next time I'll just drop out instead of setting limits for others.

[@charlespackwood2055]

Bro. I sensed a little angst on that dishwasher loading scenario. Maybe, you need to forgive the little lady....

[@heidikerr6979]

I'm a 1. Knowing I'm a 1 is difficult. I feel doomed. 😢😂

[@annabee148]

My bf is a 1 and yep

[@judyinniss4814]

Guess not applicable to Type 9 😅

[@sarahakin]

Ooooouch.

[@desertrose8182]

Type 9 here:)

[@orangejackcaroline1808]

I still not understand abt how 9 did it , as I didn't see withdrawal from someone / something we don't like can be concluded as manipulation

[@desertrose8182]

@@orangejackcaroline1808 by ghosting people, as a 9 I liked to be chased and people ask me what’s is wrong instead of confrontation. I used that technique to get my needs met. I didn’t know it is manipulation until I grew up in my 35~lol.also ignoring problems until I bottle up and upset people around me and withdrawing .

[@aclaar877]

@@orangejackcaroline1808 Yeah, the type 9 one was a little confusing. I'm 9w1, and I do tend to withdraw, but it's because I want to avoid drama and tension. I'm more guilty of the type 7 - becoming sad if things aren't going my way. But it's tough - you also don't want 9s to hide the way they feel, either.

[@orangejackcaroline1808]

@@aclaar877 yeah, so how it does manipulate people?

[@aclaar877]

@@orangejackcaroline1808 It really doesn't manipulate - it's more of a survival mechanism. 9s tend to silence themselves and absorb the energy from others before they manipulate others.

[@jewellhershey]

On this topic you are completely wrong about fives. Fives do not manipulate. We attempt to use logic and/or just plainly state what our desire is. If the person with whom we are attempting to communicate is immune to logic or is stubborn in their position then there is nothing more to be said or done with them at the time regarding that issue. A five will then go into research mode to figure out another way to reach their goal. While in research mode, a five resists being disturbed.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the clarification.

[@cloudlessdream]

All types are prone to manipulation

[@xolisile34]

You were a bit wishy-washy about 5s (you always are). 5s don't ingratiate to get what they want. The opposite is the case. The more we demand something the more aloof we become to show that we are not dependent. 5s hate to beg by any means necessary. I think you need to read up more on 5s when you do a presentation of all the 9 types.

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@alialiraqi2664]

i am sx5 iLi and i do that in case to achieve my goals. but very temporarily.

[@moveordievision]

+

[@julia.no.X]

I wonder what type 9 does, even though I can imagine 😉. 🤔 something passive-aggressive?🫣

[@julia.no.X]

Bin-go!