Anger Styles Of Each Enneagram Type

Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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[@mserth22]

9s are the silent 8 when it comes to anger... when they're angry it starts as passive aggressiveness, then turns into explosive 8 anger

[@Vrangstrupen]

Hi. 9w8 here. I shocked people with my anger as young. As a referee , I would beat down my own friends for being cruel to others. I needed an outlet, but i needed stop conflict at the same time. Utterly contradicting. People are shocked because I saw an opportunity, and i know i had to act fast before i swallowed the anger again and the moment to act was past. Act too late and your moment will go from hero to zero.

[@sarahcampbell6008]

You're not wrong. 9w1 here. I am easygoing until I'm not. It takes a lot to get me to that point, but it's happened a few times in my 43 years.

[@coradonquixote]

I watched a video once of a guy mentioning how his professor once said that "A logical argument is not very useful if it is not reasonable and a logical conclusion cannot really be reasonable if it does not take into account the emotional impact that it has on humans and therefore a purely logical argument is not logical." Its someting I've realized as well when I was entering my 20s, so I tend to let people be, I'm actually not someone who feels the need to share my own opinions unless asked about them, but I used to correct others if I thought they wanted to know, not anymore though. I wanted to share this for my fellow 5s. There's also fun to be had when you share two opinions, one is your thoughts seperated from your feelings and then one with how you feel about said thing. In my case, it can be total opposites. Thank you Tom for another great video! I hope you've been doing well

[@darthlaurel]

You've taken a ration and a half from 5s over the past year or so and it shows in your treatment of the 5 Anger Style. I really appreciate the reasoned approach and the lack of emotional investment in how we do what we do. I think your son is a 5 and you struggle with him a bit (totally understandable as we aren't easy to live with). I feel like you've listened to the 5 community here and I want you to know that I appreciate your gentle shift in approach. I'm a female 5 who was told she was cold hearted by an extremely emotional mother. You know we feel deeply but, for myself, I need to experience those feelings alone in order to process them and think through them. I always joke that anger is my emotion of choice. I think that is because it is a really obvious one to me, it is often wrongly expressed, and it is maybe easier to analyze and process later. Your comments were helpful. Thank you. Merry Christmas.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing this. I really appreciate it.

[@darthlaurel]

@@ReneeRushing Anger can feel more like power than the other emotions. I think people with cluster 5 parents are often angry. It is the only power we have.

[@flynnifyable]

A female 5! My tribe! Most of the enneagram resources assume 5s are men and it's frustrating. As female 5s we have the additional pushback of the fact that women aren't supposed to be direct or angry or even logical. I do withdraw in anger, and that's usually the best possible response because my self protective subtype will absolutely hurt you if I don't take a moment to process and remember that you're a human being. I do feel absolutely 8-like when I'm confronting injustice, but to tell the difference between injustice and just hurt takes a minute sometimes.

[@nurtureulifecoaching3226]

As an 8 wing 7, I was surprised to hear how much I could relate to what you shared about the 7’s anger as well. Of course the 8 info was spot on as usual.

[@aclaar877]

Yep, I'm 9w1 and tend to be the dormant volcano, going off every 3-4 months or so. Exactly correct!

[@RebeccaLStamm]

4 here-could be true on the being ok with the anger. It took me a long time to be ok with it bc of how I saw it displayed in my home. So, I would twist anger into any other feeling but anger. I was ok feeling anything-anything-but anger. Now I am learning to get in touch with my anger, and ask, “is this a righteous anger that I have?”. Because 4’s definitely feel everything strong😅

[@auntieb3621]

So much agreement from this 5. Just one thing to say: I think withdraw is a correct word in addition to reserve. Very good

[@savednorwegian]

Im a 5 and this fits very well. And if Im being pushed I can explode after a small silent moment and get ugly with trying to come up with personal attacks to make the other person feel bad.

[@nevastrong2850]

I’m a 1. I told my now husband he doesn’t need to criticize me because I do it enough myself. I have really worked on it. My husband is a 7 so he likes to deflect stressful or unhappy conversations. We get along great!

[@kileychamberlain468]

I would say type 5 word is argumentative

[@twlahue]

YES

[@mamacita1967]

this video helps to understand how we all deal with anger. its also helpful in identifying what type someone may be, based on how they express anger. i really like how you delve into how and why people are angry. for example, the underlying reason a 6 is angry is due to a fear based paradigm.

[@nevastrong2850]

My son is a 6/5w. Sometimes he is so negative & down about everything I almost avoid going home, & when home I do not talk with him. I may need some help navigating. He goes in waves. The low waves are very, very difficult & depressing where he thinks everything and everyone is against him. I’m being completely serious. His high waves are endearing, witty, helpful, considerate, open. That lasts about 2 weeks and it starts all over again.

[@AMcDub0708]

He might honestly be bipolar. Either way, I’m. 6w5 also and while there can be a tendency to see the glass half empty at times, what you are describing is unhealthy and he is suffering. Please take him to the dr to get him some help. ❤

[@farrahhennessey8607]

As a 6w5, I see some of myself in the behavior you've described. When we don't feel secure, everyone knows it. It can very much feel like a rollercoaster of ups and downs and then back around again. We sincerely don't mean to bring others down with us :(

[@kriyadragon]

Fantastic video. Thank you SO much for breaking it into chapters that are easy to access.

[@twlahue]

You got it.

[@lesliekay11]

As a 2 w 1 I totally resonate with your description of this type!! Love listening and learning from you! Thank you❤

[@twlahue]

Awesome

[@Vrangstrupen]

Useful info! Because your type of anger is hard to fake i feel this helps more in seeing who people are. Thanks.

[@twlahue]

Glad it was helpful!

[@sophieunusual]

100% true on sixes. Lie to a six and they will stalk you down, press you for the truth and get it out in the air for everyone and anyone regardless of whether or not anyone is willing to see! 😅

[@laughingwaters8309]

I'm fairly certain I am a 9/1 and I tend to blame myself and cry. I get hurt so easily...it's the worst. I don't feel angry much..just hurt. I try to repress it yet I want things resolved, mostly when someone has mistreated me.

[@philipraber2369]

Excellent content. Very insightful. As a 9w1, I felt your description was very accurate to my life experience.

[@twlahue]

Glad it was helpful!

[@farrahhennessey8607]

My tritype (612) has become so abundantly clear in listening to this video. Thank you for explaining so clearly.

[@twlahue]

You're very welcome

[@sonyagirodon9510]

Another fantastic video! I"m smiling to myself as I finally start to recognize the Types of the people around me, thanks to your videos!

[@twlahue]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@termitesc.aardwolf3644]

Even though I'm a 5, I have a rather explosive temper. Then again, I'm on the autism spectrum and struggle with meltdowns.

[@cadeyvs]

Me too! So confusing

[@JulsMWK1995]

My husband is a 5 and mildly on the spectrum too! He’s logical and very removed emotionally (a T on the Meyer’s Briggs) except when he has occasional fits ranting about things or playing a competitive game. His rants are more just complaining about something not really confronting others. My son has autism but it’s more pronounced in him. Or at least he needs more interventions and assistance in things like school etc whereas my husband did well in school. I haven’t figured out my son’s enneagram number yet.

[@termitesc.aardwolf3644]

@sadumae I'd say that 1, 4, 5, 6 and 9 tend to be the most common types for autistic people in general.

[@savednorwegian]

Push a 5 (Im a 5) then the 5 explode

[@andeglenderson5240]

I'm a 5 type and too have these explosions. I find it happens when others get angry at me for the smallest of reasons. I normally feel a great injustice and can't believe the share audacity. It gets my blood boiling instantly!

[@architektura204]

As always, thank you, Tom. I am always looking forward to your videos and curious about what aspect of life you will pick next to analyze through the lens of numbers.

[@twlahue]

Cool, thanks

[@APRN4441]

This is so dang accurate for my type (5).

[@Dani-jo9yr]

Nailed it 💯for all, absolutely everything - 8, life coach 😅😅 Thank You 🙏

[@twlahue]

You’re welcome 😊

[@kalbic]

You nailed 5. You should add that 5's use passive aggressive behavior too. We don't want conflict so we don't express our feelings when we have them. This causes us to brood, pull away, build resentment and eventually we will burst out in the most unfeeling, uncaring way, like a robot and it's perceived as very mean and possibly narcissist to those that don't understand.

[@adelheidbrouwer1346]

I really like how you eloborate on the way 9s handle their anger. Although I know how I function, you make it totally clear for me.

[@katarzynakiczek7726]

This topic about anger is mind blowing, very accurate!! Thank you for all the work you're doing and for your generosity towards people!! You educate us that we could understand ourselves better and become a better person! Greating from Poland :-)

[@twlahue]

Wow, thank you!

[@nicolasdanek4225]

Type 8 with extremely explosive anger. But it takes a lot to get me there.

[@DavidSummers-wt1hz]

TOM! You can effectively, spit across a long, narrow, busy, noisy, Pool Hall and hit a Brass Spitoon with a direct, well well-placed 'dead-on shot!" Your clarity and investing are most appreciated. Thank You once again.VIRTUS JUNXIT MORS NON SEPERABIT --14*

[@aniccadance13]

Excellent, a 5 here..Thank you❤

[@twlahue]

You’re welcome 😊

[@mserth22]

You were describing resentment for they three

[@jurgamikelioniene7892]

Thank you so much for your videos ❤❤❤❤❤

[@twlahue]

You are so welcome!

[@joelpartain]

9w1 here. It is so true that 9’s are not in touch with their anger. It literally takes me three days to realize that I am angry at something my wife did three days ago. I should be angry about this fact (but I won’t really know for another three days, I guess… 😳).

[@jbjablanco]

I like the sweater doc !

[@938quilt]

5 here and yep sarcasm is my language :-( I have trouble feeling through and working through feelings - I'm blunt and prefer a picture that says a 1000 words to a poem that takes 1000 words to describe one feeling...

[@mwink]

You nailed 3!! Wow.

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@mawandeguy4105]

I always test as a 5w6 but I've always doubted it, after watching this my doubts have gotten worse, my anger style is definitely not passive aggressive. I feel my anger very deeply and I often try letting it slide but I express it directly most of the time, then feel extremely bad about it to the point that I feel like hiding or disappearing 😂 I also identify with the traits of Self Pres 8, so I don't really know what my enneagram type is🤷I'll try retaking the test again when I've achieved my goals and feel more happy and content with my myself( I'm not at my best right now)

[@rike8233]

I'm too

[@115MD1013]

You could be an 8w9! My sister is type 8w9. I’m a 9w1. When she has an outburst of anger for something minor or inconvenient, she “huffs and puffs” all the way to her room and will come back out after a while in a neutral or relaxed mood. When she has an unjustified outburst at ME and comes back out of her room in a good mood or is kind to me, I take that as her apology because I know I won’t hear the actual words and I won’t demand them from her either! LOL

[@Kamiufford99]

Amazing work as always!!

[@twlahue]

Thank you so much 😀

[@marieschmidt9416]

Yes, you captured it!

[@Nikki-fx6yy]

As a sx/so 5 with a very strong 4 wing I can relate to both 5 and 4. When I get angry my first reaction is always to rationalize it and withdraw. I also have incredible masking skills so i can withdraw yet be fully functional. The problem begins when I can’t rationalize why people are behaving/talking to me the way they do. And I found that my #1 trigger is when people somehow treat me like I’m incompetent or trying to dumb me down. Then my 4 wing will uncover itself and I’ll become very dramatic. The slamming doors and “no one understands me” is me during my whole teenage years with my family. Then I’d go to my room to analyze myself and the reactions of my family as well, only to come out few hours later and try to discuss things with them by explaining all the conclusions I was reaching during my analysis. This is the only way I could move on from an argument. I hate these intense feelings and arguments. These usually happen with my close family or husband and that’s it. Not even with my closest friends as I seem to be much more held back and put together near them.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing this... that really helps

[@JulsMWK1995]

I know I’m a 9 but I wonder if I’m an 8 wing or 1 wing. I have a hard time fully understanding the wings and triads. I’m not usually comfortable with confrontations except I can do it with closest family members if I get angry enough. As a teenager I was the only child to confront my father directly and speak up. I’m am ashamed at home how I sometimes spoke to my mother. My mom is more passive and very low energy. Sometimes I’d be so fed up I just had to directly say something. But most times a lot of things I let roll off my shoulders not worth getting upset. And with friends and coworkers I very much am uncomfortable with confrontation. It’s only with those closest to me I have been direct with. (Or occasionally in a customer service situation). And even with them I still often lean more toward peace. I don’t really think I’m passive aggressive like I’ve heard in some other talks about 9’s. My husband is a 5 with probably a 4 wing. I find him to be passive aggressive. I am more direct to him about my anger but I am uncomfortable when he is angry at me. I definitely pull away and want to escape. I sometimes feel I’m walking on egg shells around him. Because he tries to appear unaffected but really is angry, I feel like I’m always trying to figure out if he’s angry at me and what can I do to make peace. Sometimes I can tell something is bothering him but I can’t figure out what I did wrong. If I’m certain he’s angry at me I feel like I need to stay away. And he can sulk about things. For example when he socializes he will ask others questions and let people talk about themselves but complain to me at home that people don’t ask him questions. He won’t share anything personal unless he’s specifically asked. So if a person doesn’t ask, he won’t share in sort of a passive aggressive way. I on the other hand, don’t think of people so negatively. If I’m excited to share something, I’ll just bring it up and share whatever it is that I’m excited to share. Yes, I’m more of a listener but I’m also comfortable sharing personal things especially in close relationships. My husband also remember all our past arguments in detail… or so he says. I don’t remember them. I let go and move on. I literally forget most conflicts. But he remembers and when a new conflict arises he’ll be like “remember that time we fought about such and such… or remember when you were angry?” But I don’t remember or vaguely will. I realized that I tend to forget negative things a lot of the time and hang on to good memories. I see the sunny side more. My husband and I actually do get along most of the time but when he do have issues it’s like what I described.

[@nevastrong2850]

Based on your post, and I’m not an enneagram specialist, yet it seems you’re a 9 w/1 wing. Eights don’t try & figure out how to make others happy or go back and review necessarily. They do not like being told what to do, they have a strong sense what needs to happen. I enjoyed your perspective.

[@julie-xu5ck]

I am a very unhealthy 9. I can barely leave my house for fear I might have to talk to someone. I definitely numb my brain with addiction now. Everything you say about 9's is so true and it is truly sad when you finally start to wake up and realize you're only living half a life and you're not even sure it's wht you want. Existing day to day feeling like you don't have a purpose.

[@annabee148]

Love these videos

[@silviamongeroffarello126]

Very complete, thanks, congratulations❤

[@twlahue]

Thank you! 😃

[@Blue_Boy-m3t]

I'm a 5 and I do have anger

[@twlahue]

It's okay to feel anger sometimes, just make sure to channel it in a positive way!

[@Ray-jn6zi]

I am 8w9 and always on edge like a surfer waiting for a bigger wave. Honestly, there is no way for my anger to be in control.

[@JulsMWK1995]

My 14 year old daughter thinks she might be a 2 but I’m not sure if that’s accurate. I am not sure what other one she’d be though. Do any of the enneagrams cry when they are angry instead of displaying anger the normal way? She is a teenager but doesn’t talk back or anything. But she started counseling for starting to have anxiety. First session it came up (something I never picked up on) that she cries when she is angry. I knew she’s always been overly emotional/ cries easily but I never put it together that is her outlet when she feels angry. Makes sense now because I rarely see anger come out of her.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing this.

[@michelehaan3738]

Maybe a social 7??? We can look similar to a 2 and can be misidentified. We strongly dislike looking angry so crying is a way to let go of being angry without having to acknowledge that we are.

[@jeremyraftos8995]

@@michelehaan3738 As 2w3 the Pride works in many. Anger is judged as Bad so why not convert it to tears( more acceptable Emotion) - the shape shifting deception is complete ie deception of other and of self. Pridefully intact but unconnected to the True Emotion. Well that is the convolution I have discovered in my Shadow

[@115MD1013]

Your daughter could be a 9w1 like myself. By not showing negative emotions, I could be the easy child that my parents needed/wanted, not the gifted, autistic, adhd child that they got. I think they believed the maturity I showed at such a young age meant I didn’t need emotional support. Due to my neurodivergence, I get somatic symptoms of anxiety. As a type 9w1, conflict makes me extremely anxious because I wasn’t taught conflict resolution. Without support, lacking appropriate emotional regulation, and not feeling like I have a voice, I experienced sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and depression as a child. I knew my way of people-pleasing and muting my voice was not the appropriate way so I took courses in college! I’m a highly sensitive person and I can feel ALL emotions intensely. I now see this as a superpower although I’m often overwhelmed and more bothered by my environment than others. This state of over-arousal makes me such a cry baby hahah. Mostly happy tears now! Hopefully your daughter is able to accept her sensitivities and even laugh about them instead of thinking she’s broken like I did when I was her age. Unconditional love always wins! I admire that you’re on here trying to find ways to support your daughter!

[@sophieyyyhh0057]

More videos on ennegram love matches pls

[@twlahue]

Thank you for your suggestion! I'll definitely consider making more videos on enneagram love matches.

[@brunawinck443]

Great video!

[@twlahue]

Thanks!

[@ivynyan]

I have a lot of friends who are nines and I tend to push them to get them to actually talk and vent their anger cuz ik they need itttttt Also interesting cuz all the withdrawn types are a mood.

[@twlahue]

It's great that you encourage your friends to express their feelings! Communication is so important for emotional well-being.

[@GUYEDITINGS]

Love your stuff bro good stuff

[@twlahue]

Glad you enjoy it!

[@jilltaichi8512]

Love the drug rug. 😄 I have one almost exactly like it.

[@twlahue]

Nice

[@jessicaharvey7446]

Had the exact same one from Tijuana in the 70s lol love it

[@developpetapersonne2002]

Good job I watch you from Paris

[@twlahue]

C'est génial. Merci d'avoir partagé cela.

[@eliaszeray7981]

Great! Thank u.

[@twlahue]

Our pleasure!

[@John-mb7yl]

Great video 👍👍👍

[@twlahue]

Thank you 👍

[@salomeabugaian5969]

Thanks for the video, 9 w 8 here.

[@twlahue]

No problem 👍

[@claudiadinca3846]

I am an 8,when I get angry I am afraid of myself😂😂😂

[@jewellhershey]

I used to think you didn’t really “get” fives but now I think you pretty much do. 👍

[@twlahue]

Fair enough!

[@maggie1321972]

Eek. I really can’t stand my dramatic nonsense, but I’m learning to take myself less seriously. Also having an understanding of the differences in others really helps.

[@twlahue]

It’s great to hear that you’re learning to take things less seriously! Self-awareness is such a valuable tool for personal growth.

[@saras.2173]

Start at 4:09

[@isa-manuelaalbrecht2951]

Yeppers...5/6 overhere...😊😏🤭

[@abbeycrouse3020]

I knew I was a type 9 when Tom said “why are people so stupid”. I would never behave toward a person as if they were stupid but walking away I would to myself that person is stupid

[@twlahue]

Right

[@radicalbean0]

❤❤

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@joedoe8558]

Actually Martha lost her job. You can't win the war if you can't win the battle either, just pick the ones you do engage better I guess... But most people are trying to make weakness into a strength (like Martha and her friends) just like you say and there's a reason you try and make 8s into a bully. It works fine as long as you can afford it which is why ppl hate trump because he says the bill is coming from the money printer. What will happen to Martha then?

[@twlahue]

right

[@joedoe8558]

@@twlahue same as saying you don't need money and at the same time having a monetized channel. Turning weakness into 'strength'. It works as long as it works and if you're detached from reality then you're a bully for stating that actions and inactions have consequences.